The Sorta Yet Not so Average Human in Equesria

by Immortan Joe

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character, Spike, Comedy, Sex
Length: 14266

Isaac Snow is an...odd one who's lived in Equestria for going on a year now, and yet, the pony's in that world still don't fully understand him.

Isaac Snow is a rather strange individual who, like every other HiE human, found himself in Equestria by unknown means. Yet, he's seemed to have adapted well, matter of fact it took the pony's themselves more then three months to find him living rather well off of foraging in the Everfree, and stealing from the homes bordering the edge of Ponyville.

For seven months Twilight and her friends had...sorta gotten to know him but not really. It's just that Isaac is a rather difficult being to perceive, except for the fact he really doesn't like magic.

((Original image belongs to Plague of Gripes (Gannadene) ))

Published 2016-12-18 05:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-07-24 14:59:27 UTC

Chapter 1: Prick in the Ass

“So why did you bring me to your shack again?” Spike asked as he glanced up at me.

“I said I needed your help,” I told the small dragon as I glanced down at him, my hand rubbing the back of my neck as I gazed about my small home which Spike summed up pretty well. A shack. Yet I’ll say it was a shack that I had come to greatly respect and admire, why you may ask? Cause I built it myself, call me biased but with my skills in carpentry the mildew smell and creaky boards that made up my home is what I’ve come to love and cherish.

“Yeah, I got that.” Spike crossed his little T-Rex looking arms and frowned at me, his eyebrow cocked ever so slightly. “With what though?”

I flashed the little guy a smile. “With this!” I gestured towards a wooden dining chair in front of us.

“A chair?” His frown deepened.

“Not just any chair, Dino-man.” I caught Spike out of the corner of my eye rolling his own, I got behind the chair and held its sides. With a large shit eating grin I said, “My chair.”

Spike lowered his head and shook it, his claws pinching his snout he sighed. “You’re going to make me test it are you?” I nodded my head rapidly, humming excitedly. “Why not test it yourself?”

I pointed to a pile of broken chairs in the corner of my shack. “I’m tired of getting splinters in my ass.”

Spike groaned and rolled his eyes. “Just because I sit on it doesn’t mean it’s going to work for you,” he said to me.

I pursed my lips a bit and cocked an eyebrow. “Oh? Pray tell.”

Spiked curled his lips back a bit. “Well...I’m still a young dragon, you’re an adult heman––”

“Human, but I wish I was He-Man,” I interjected.

“What?” Spike gave me an irritated look.

“Pssh, kids these days,” I sighed.

Spike stared at me for a few more moments before shaking his head. “Okay. Anyways I’m still pretty young and my body is pretty different than yours. For a dragon I’m actually pretty light.” He gestured to himself.

“Fooey!” I dismissed him with a wave of my hand. “You’re still a growing boy. Now, now.” I patted the seat. “Take the seat.”

Spike took a deep breath and started to grumble as he walked over and climbed on to the chair. The limbs creaking as the dragon turned and plopped his rear down, silence enveloped the room.

“...” We both sat there for a few moments.

“...” time continued to pass.

“...” I check the watch I didn’t own.

“...” Spike was glancing towards me by that point.

“...” I smiled and gave a small wave, he raised an eyebrow.

“...” I squinted at him and leaned forward, he pulled back.

“...” I continued my advance.

“What’s wrong?” He finally spoke up.

“You have pretty eyes,” I whispered and spike jumped off the seat.

“WellokayI’moutofherechairisgoodverycomfortable. BYE!” Spike left the shack.

“...” I glance at my seat which held up pretty well.

“...” I pursed my lips and stepped around in front of it, shaking my rear a bit as I leaned down, I aimed for just the perfect spot. Biting my tongue I began my descent, my ass just barely touching the seat, I then slowly begin to apply the pressure. Everything was doing alright, the rear had finally touched down the chair was holding up nicely––

A loud snap sliced the inside of my ear and I felt gravity shove a large splinter right up into my ass cheek.

“DAMMIT!” Echoed throughout the Everfree that faithful morning.

:[-]:

Humming happily to myself I tossed another log onto my fire before turning back to the pan I didn’t own, taking the spatula, which also wasn’t mine. I pushed the eggs, which again weren’t mine either, around on the pan before giving them a nice flip. “Fuck!” I cursed when only half of the egg landed on the pan, the other half breaking and falling into the flames of the fire, which I did own. “The fair price I must pay to live in this world...” I mumbled to myself before taking half the egg and dropping it onto a plate, didn't own that either.

Going over to my tiny table, which I built with my excellent carpentry skills. I sat down and placed the plate on its surface. A snap caught my ear and I gasped as the table’s legs gave way and the whole thing fell onto the ground. I sighed. “Not again...” I looked my door, my eyes squinting. “I’m going to need more grass.”

After wolfing down my meal I now stood over my front lawn, my eyes scanning for the longest blades of grass I could use to tie my table back together. “Ahha!” I smiled and bent down to carefully, ever so carefully, pluck the single blade out from the ground.

“Hey, Isaac!”

“GAAH!” I let off a sharp cry when my single, precious blade of grass fell back into the tiny forest I plucked it from. Biting my lip I knew it was going to take forever to find that single piece again, I balled my hand into a fist and looked towards the voice. “WHAT?!” My frown carved even deeper when I saw that it was one of them.

Twilight Sparkle came up to me and smiled, a smile that I immediately knew was forced or one of concern...actually I couldn’t tell. “Sorry if I scared you,” She apologized softly and bowed her head.

I sneered and crossed my arms. “Y’know I swear I’d gone and told ya’ll I don’t appreciate you “Hornies” coming onto my here property.” Twilight blinked for a moment and coughed into her hoof.

“Uh well, it’s just that...Spike told me that he saw you get uh...hurt––”

“Spike ain’t seen shit.”

Twilight pursed her lip. “Uh well, he said that you fell and uh...were bleeding pretty bad so I brought you some bandages and some pain medicine.” Twilight’s horn flared to life, causing my heart to skip a beat.

“Turn that shit off!” I hopped back and held my hands up, my eyes closing to avoid looking into her searing, purple light.

Twilight gasped and immediately deactivated her horn. “S-sorry, I forgot how you don’t like magic.” She gulped. I slowly lowered my hands and took a breath.

“Either warn me, or don’t do that shit at all. Next time you turn that shit on, you’re out of here!” I jammed my finger back towards the direction of Ponyville.

Twilight nodded her head. “Yes, yes. You said the same thing last time...” she took a breath. “Why don’t you like magic anyways?”

“That ain’t of your concern.” Twilight opened her mouth to object but stopped and nodded, I also nodded in returned and gestured towards her bag. “Thank you for bringing these to me though, Horny, I do appreciate it.” Twilight gave me a look and sighed.

“Left saddlebag, you’ll find everything I brought there.” I smiled and nodded before going over and taking out a few rolls of bandages and blue, glistening vial.

“What’s this?” I glared down a Twilight and held the vial to her face.

“That’s Equestrain pain medication, take that and you’ll feel...uh as... high as a kite is how you put it last time you,” Twilight said as she tried to mimic my voice.

I blinked. “Oh, uh okay...I’m trusting you Horny...However...” I leaned down in front of the pony. “If anything voodoo related happens to me...I’ll have you know I have a––”

“A peculiar set of skills, I know I know. You say this every time,” Twilight said as she gave me a stern look. “Seriously, Isaac, I don’t know why you don’t like me so much. Literally ever since we met I’ve been helping you out, just please, trust me on this. Nothing is going to happen.”

“Alrighty then.” I pulled back. “Go on,” I nodded towards Ponyville. “Git!” A flash of light blinded me briefly and I squealed loudly like a little girl, stumbling back I nearly dropped the medicine and shook my head. Looking back Twilight was gone. “God i fucking hate it when she does that...” I took a breath and looked at the vial in hand, then back at my pretty sore and red ass. “Well...at least if I die or some shit...It’ll be in my home.”

I went inside clean myself up.

:[-]:

October, 17th 2017(?)

So the medicine wasn’t actually that bad, honestly, it had like a fizzy taste to it. It was like some kind of blue Mountain Dew...Oh God, I can’t even recall the last time I had Blue Mountain Dew. Though the medicine did sorta have this weird after taste, it was kinda spongy but it really only lasted for about thirty minutes because I didn't’ really have anything else to get rid of the taste.

I even cleaned out that hole the splinter made and patched my ass. Shitting is gonna be a little awkward, but hey I had worse. Better yet I fixed my table without finding any long grass! Those bandages can be used perfectly for fixing other things aside myself! Though one thing I did notice was that my food stocks are running a little low and it seems them Apple ponies got a bunch of new guard dogs to roam their orchards and I really don’t feel like using the last of my bandages on my ass again.

I could probably go after Twilight’s other friend...the Yellow one, she’s pretty nice. She’s not too scared of me anymore, but she doesn’t seem to understand the phrase, “Give me everything you have.”

The Pink one is usually always a perfect one to drop in on, sometimes literally.

Side note: fix hang glider.

Yet sweets aren’t going to tie me over through winter.

I’ll come up with a solution tomorrow morning.

Good night journal that doesn’t belong to me.

Author's Note

This story is literally just a guilty pleasure of mine.

Chapter 2: Lengthy Issues

October, 18th 2017(?) Morning

I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL HER!!

See you tonight journal I do not own.

:[-]:

Slamming the bottom of my foot against the castle door, I shrieked loudly when a the shock and pain surged up my leg and I stumbled back clutching my foot. Apparently kicking my way in was a bad idea.

Hopping on one foot muttering curses and shouting at the pedestrians who were eyeballing me, the door to the castle opened, outwards...well that explained everything. “Hello?” Spike poked his head outwards.

“Where is she?!” I yelled, my voice deep and, hopefully, menacing.

Spike’s eyes widened and he gazed up at me. “Wh-who?!” He cowered back a bit, the pony’s around me quickly scurried away.

“The horned one!” I grabbed the door and forced it open, the dragon released it and began backing away with his tiny hands held up.

“Okay, okay I’ll get her...” Spike stopped and fell silent. “Where’s your pants...or your...underpants?” His eyes trailed down further. “And why is your...Stallion...” He fell silent when his eyes landed back up at my face.

My frown carved deep canyons into my face, my eyes peering right into the drake’s soul. I slowly began to lean towards Spike, our eyes locking together as my nose came inches from his snout. “Get her now!” I snarled. “Or this–” I gestured downwards. “–is gonna do things no drake should ever see.”

Spike nod his head, his eyes never blinking but were wide with fear. “Yes, Mr. Snow.”

:[-]:

“What did you do to me?!” I screamed at Twilight as she came down the steps and entered the great hall alongside Spike.

“Whatever do you mean?” Twilight asked as she slowly trotted towards me, her eyes widening when she gazed downwards.

“My cock!” I gestured down to my massively erected dick. “What was in that delicious medicine!” The girth between my legs twitched as it rubbed against my thighs.

Twilight blinked a blush burning past her coat. “I have no clue...I got it from the hospital.”

I glared at her, my eyes burning with fury. “What do you mean? What you accidentally grabbed an entire bottle of liquefied Viagra?” I asked sarcastically. “Because of your dumbass I can’t wear my favorite pants! My only pants!”

“That’s gross dude,” Spike muttered.

“You!” I pointed at Spike. “Zip it!”

Twilight glared up at me. “Isaac, I know you’re upset, and this problem is easily fixable.” She took a breath and her horn flared to life.

My eyes widened. “Oh no you don’t!” I shoved Twilight back, causing her to yelp out and stumble a bit before catching herself. Using the confusion to my advantage I turned and hightailed it out of there, my stiff cock flailing like the opposite end of a nunchuck.

“Darnit Isaac!” I heard Twilight yell behind me. “Just let me help you!”

“Kindly fuck off!” I yelled from over my shoulder as I ran through the streets of Ponyville, the residents screaming and shielding their eyes, while a mother I passed by shortly fainted and fell on top of her child. As I past the bakery I saw the Pink Pony poke her head out and whistle at me, remembering my food shortages, I briefly stopped for a moment and walked backwards.

“Pink one!” I shouted up. “Two boxes please.”

“You got it, Chief!” She replied with a large smile. “I’ll even toss on another for those goods you’re packing!”

I gave her the okay gesture and nodded. “I knew I could always trust you.” She saluted me and I saluted back.

“Isaac!” Twilight yelled and I quickly glanced back.

“Shit!” I turned and began running once more.

:[-]:

October, 18th 2017(?) Afternoon

I did it, I have finally evaded the horned one, it took about an hour for her to give up on me. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted her, I thought with the gifts that maybe, just maybe I could see the horned ones like I do the others.

I should have heeded my nightmare’s warning...the time I arrived here I should have listened. Damn my foolishness. I don’t care if she’s trying to help me or not, it’s just an erection...an abnormal one to say the least. They’re other ways I can solve this issue...much, lewder ways.

I’ll get back to you once I’ve solved my problem journal I do not own.

:[-]:

October, 28th 2017(?) Night

It has been ten days and no matter how many times I jerk off and climax, the cursed erection will not leave me!

My shack smells of must, and my lust of getting rid of this boner had taught me that trees and the hole in my wall are not good substitutes. The pink one had offered her services to me, but I politely declined. I do not know if these creatures carry any form of sexually transmitted diseases that could end me in the most lewd of ways.

Also the mental image of me fucking horse doesn’t sit well. I know that it is only me who lives in these parts, and Twilight had said that I may be the only one of my kind living in their country. So in reality, aside from the ponies, who is here to judge me?

Though the erection does prove difficult, and I cannot wear any pants (even the cold doesn’t make it fucking shrink, side note, get more ice) so I’m forced to walk the streets of Ponyville with my injured ass and cock flailing about.

Already I had to out maneuver the local police because I strayed too close to the school. Why do they care anyways? They don’t even wear pants or anything to conceal themselves! What if a kid gets an erection in class? I bet they all know what a dick looks like, so why am I the one to get subjected?!

Fucking hornies.

Wait a second...the slang term for having an erection is “Horny”

Dear God, I need to sleep on this.

Good Night journal that doesn’t belong to me.

Author's Note

Short chapters, get them out easier.

Chapter 3: Possible Solution

October 31st, 2017(?) Night

I can not take it anymore journal I don’t even own...this cursed erection, those prancing kids just a mile or so away. My mind is going nuts, I can’t help but consider praying upon some poor mare that strays to close to my shack.

I feel like a monster...

Maybe I should have heeded to the Pink One’s offer?

Would she now that I have suffered for so long still care to take part in healing my accursed cock? These are questions that I wish could be answered immediately, and well she did say that her and a friend will be stopping later tonight to deliver me some treats.

Something about a holiday equivalent to–fuck what was its name again? Holloweed?

Curse the wretched hornies for making me well–horny. If the Pink one and her friend does not show up, I’ll just resume to filling my bucket and then passing out.

Side note: Pissing is a goddamn nightmare of its own.

Good night journal I do not even own.

:[-]:

“NNngaaha!” I groaned as I blew my load for the fifth time in a row into the bucket, which wasn’t mine. I pulled my hand off my girth and examined the seed that dripped off of it, like the first time. I came a lot, more than I ever could before, not only that I had taken note of the stronger smell and brighter color. I had not even thought of tasting it yet, though I won’t lie there is a subtle temptation to do just that.

After I had cleaned up my mess and shoved my literal cum bucket into the corner, I heard a knock coming from my chamber door. Ear twitching and eyebrow cocking I went over to the door and undid the grass tied lock and opened it slowly. “Who dares to disturb me?” I asked quietly as I peeked an eye out the crack in the door.

“Hey Izzy!” The pink one squeaked as she lept in the air, her feathery chicken costume I noticed was matted and wet, bits of mud flecked here and there along her side. She must’ve taken the long way to get here. “I hope you don’t mind but I brought Rainbow Dash with me!”

My eyes narrowed and cracked the door open a bit so I could peek behind the pink one and see the slim and fit cyan bird horse in a skin tight jumpsuit with dark colored patterns on it while wearing a pair of goggles.

“The both of you look like idiots,” I muttered softly, the bird horse frowned and looked at me while the Pink one left.

“Oh Izzy, that’s a good one!” She snickered. “Why aren’t you dressed up for Nightmare Night?”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Nightmare what?” Both of them stopped and looked at me with confused the looks, shortly after the bird and the pink one shared a glance with each other and gazed up at me.

“You never heard of Nightmare Night?” The Bird asked and I shook my head.

“Not really, is it some kind of like...Holiday or something? A ritual sacrifice to some kind of Eldritch God?” I looked at the toy of them and glanced back and forth between the two.

“Well...if you can’t giving candy to Nightmare Moon so she wouldn’t eat us as a sacrifice...ten you really aren’t wrong.” The pink one smiled up at me. “But really it’s just a time of year wear you dress up and go around collecting candy from complete strangers!”

I blinked for a moment. “Huh, that sounds rather familiar.” I chuckled softly as I tried to think back of where I heard such of an arrangement, yet nothing really came to me. “Well I’m sorry, Pink one and Birdy, I can’t really leave right now.”

“Still have problems with your cock?” The bird horse asked me to which I simply nodded.

“No matter what I do it does not leave me,” I cursed softly, “Damn Twilight and her ‘medicine’,” I said in a sarcastic and childish tone.

“Why haven’t you gone to the doctor yet?” They both asked and I shrugged.

“Because all they’re going to do is sit me down with a bunch of hornies and God only knows what they’ll fuck up next,” I sighed and shook my head.

A few moments of silence past and the pink one finally chirped up. “Well...that offer I gave you last time is still up! Trust me it’ll help and be really fun!” She smiled brightly up at me, the bird horse in the back cocked an eyebrow at her friend, confused as to what she was talking about.

I blinked for a few moments standing there idly before finally taking a breath, I’ve tried everything I could up to this point except this. Perhaps it would be best to just weigh the inevitable odds against me and just bite the fucking sword. “Alright, Pink one...I accept, under one condition.”

She blinked and tilted her head. “Your friend there must hold me down.”

The bird blinked and reared her head back. “Hold you down? Why?” She asked confused.

“Because I get a little thrashy and I already broke a few objects in my house, and I do not wish to hurt Pink,” I explained briefly to the two of them.

The pink one giggled all bubbly as she bounced in her spot. “Oh this is going to be great! Not only are we going to have fun, I also get help Izzy again!”

I chuckled and shook my head. “Pray to the Gods that this does help, because if it doesn’t...I have no idea what I’ll do next.”

:[-]:

October 31st, 2017(?) Night

Journal that isn’t mine, I don’t know where to begin with what just happened.

After I had accepted the pink one’s offer, I for some reason told the blue bird to come inside with us. It turns out they had each brought me some candy to which we shared around my fire. Though half of it was garbage, it made good fuel for the fire and it was oddly comforting.

This had not be the first time the pink one has come over to greet me and well just....as they put it ‘hang out’. A few times since my discovery she felt it was keen to constantly drop by and hangout with me. For a while it was annoying but over time it seemed I have begun to warm up to her.

For a good hour or so we sat and I listened to them ramble on about what they had done that night. Most of it wasn’t too entirely interesting to me but I did like how the two of them chatted so nicely with each other and towards me. The bird one, who I thought was going to be bothersome, was actually rather entertaining in how she told her stories. She was very, expressive, lots of hoof motions when she spoke. Sorta like how I am with my hands whenever I talked.

The two of them tried to get to know me as well.

I won’t write about that bit.

After our discussions and treat eating the pink one smiled at me and told me to go lay down on my grass bed. I smiled lightly and nodded, I got up and for some reason, nervously walked over to my bed and laid back. She ordered the bird one to then go around and hold me by shoulders, just as how I requested. The bird did as she was told but I could see on her face she was rather confused.

I asked her if something was wrong and she looked down at me and said, “Honestly, I have no clue what’s happening.”

To which I replied: “I’m about to have my cock sucked on.”

And believe me journal when I write this, I had not laughed so hard in my entire life. The face on the bird was by far the funniest looks of shock and maybe even horror I’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Yet despite hearing what I said, she remained.

The pink one came over to me after stripping out of her costume and got on the bed, wormed her way between my legs and looked up at me. Her usual hyper active personality seemingly vanished. Instead what remained was a mature mare smiling up at me.

She asked me if I was really okay with this, to which I replied with a nod. She smiled at me and hummed before using her snout to push my swollen length up into position, and I gasped as just the slightest touch sent electrical tingles through me. The mare giggled and hummed softly as she took a small breath and let her, large tongue slip out over mouth and drag along the bottom of my length.

Clenching my eyes shut, I just couldn’t watch what was happening. I groaned softly as her soft tongue sent waves of pleasure into me which caused me to enjoy what was happening but I just couldn’t watch. Something inside me was raving about how this was wrong, I shouldn’t be doing this.

Journal...did I do wrong?

Why am I so confused about what I let happen?

The pony in the end did help me in some ways, I guess. The erection is still here but it is actually not as strong seeing how much she made me climax. But...I feel dirtied, as if I wronged someone and now I regret it....

Good Night journal that isn’t mine.

Chapter 4: The Party Plan

I sat in my shack with my rear resting upon my grass bed as I hold the journal that doesn’t belong to me in my hands. Using the quill, which was actually home made, I dipped it in the ink, which wasn’t mine though, and began to write down the various things I would need for the project I would be starting.

After a few moments of writing I lean back a bit and gaze upon my shack I took a deep breath and smiled slightly. “I have no idea where this knowledge came from but...” I gaze back over the ingredients:

Sulfur

Charcoal

Potassium Nitrate

Steel

Bronze

Wood

Something told me in the back of my mind that this wasn’t all I was going to need, but as of now I could start with just these various items. Glancing back around shack I took small breath as the smile I had widened even more. “I’m going to need to expand.”

:[-]:

“Hey Isaac!” Shouted the pink one as she suddenly appeared out from a bush, prompting me to yelp and lash out, my hand striking against nothing. She was getting good at dodging.

“I told you not to do that!” I gritted my teeth and turned to see her standing next to me, our eyes meeting for a brief moment before looking away. My chest feeling rather, heavy after we locked eyes for a moment. “What do you want?” I asked as I picked up the axe that I had dropped and returned to hacking at a nearby tree.

I had left my home about an hour ago and began harvesting a few trees about a quarter mile away from my home, don’t want any logs crushing my home. I honestly had no idea what I was doing, I knew for my project i was going to need to extend my home by some margin, for what though...it would come to me in the near future I think.

I shook my head brought the axe back, taking a breath I swung. “I want to know what you’re doing?” The pink one asked as she stepped in front of me, causing me to yelp and stop the axe blade from nearly taking her head off.

I gritted my teeth. “I’m chopping a tree down, what do you think I’m doing?”

The pony blinked and smiled. “Is that why you’re not wearing your shirt?” She giggled and poked my bare chest with her hoof.

I lowered the axe to my side and sighed. “What do you want Pink One?” I asked.

“I told you, My Name is Pinkie, Chief!” She poked my chest again, her cheeks putting on a pouty look when she puffed them up.

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care. What do you want?”

“Hey does your head ever get cold without any hair?” Suddenly the mare grew a tad taller and got on her hind legs as she leaned towards me and examined the bare head.

Scowling I planted a hand on her chest and shoved the pony back down and away from me. “Alright. You’re this close to having me take your head off,” I growled and used my thumb and forefinger to demonstrate how close Pinkie was to making me go a little bit psycho. “What do you want?”

Pinkie pursed her lips and looked away from me before reaching into her mane with her hoof. She then pulled out a letter and handed it towards me. I blinked and gazed at the note before taking it, using the edge of the axe I opened it and read it out loud: “Hooray, you have been invited to the the: “Congrats Mr. Snow on Losing Your––Is this a fucking invitation for what I think it is?” I looked down at Pinkie who was smiling up at me and nodding her head rapidly. I rolled my eyes. “You’re wasting your time––wait a second...” Pinkie, who had looked sad for a moment, perked up. “Will there be fireworks?” I asked softly.

Pinkie smiled even wider, her face looking as if it was going to tear into two as she nodded her head even faster, her mane making whooshing noises. I snorted softly and gave her very wide smile of my own as I leaned towards her. “Excellent, I’ll be there at four~” I said in an almost unintentional, sinister tone. I slowly tucked the invitation back into Pinkie’s mane.

Pinkie blinked. “But the party’s at eight P.M.” She looked up at me confused.

“I’ll be there at four.” I repeated and picked my axe back up just as Pinkie stepped out the way, I brought the tool back and swung it into the tree. A loud crack caught my ear as the trunk gave way and the large evergreen came collapsing down.

:[-]:

November 5th, 2017(?) Afternoon

Hello again journal that isn’t mine. After I had accepted the Pink One’s invitation she had gone to go prepare some more, thus leaving me to focus. Thank God. I had returned to work shortly thereafter. Three trees lost their lives today in the battle of my home expansion, I’ll use that saw I don’t own to cut the branches off and make more lumber. For some reason I had even started gathering stones along the river, I might change it up a bit and have the expansion use a stone flooring?

Aside from that I’m thinking of having a ceiling, or maybe a roof I can open. I might even make a garden while I’m at it, something to kinda help with the food shortages. I can maybe resume the irrigation system I started digging up earlier this year once the weather starts to warm.

So much I have planned journal. I wish I could do it all at once, but things must come with time. First things first, the ingredients I need. I can image what I’ll be assembling in my head but...I don’t remember what it's called.

It’s a weird J shaped object, except the J is tilted on its side. There’s some kind of hammer mechanism you must pull back and lock into place, which is then connected to a trigger mechanism which, when pulled, the hammer releases and strikes a flat, tilted surface.

Now that I think about it, I’ll need some small finger sized bags, and some kind of moulding device. I’ll get the black powder from the Pink One’s fireworks and I’ll probably slip away from the party and pay the Apple Farm a visit.

I don’t know why, Journal, but this has me very, very excited!

:[-]:

Music. Oh how this world’s definition of music nearly wants to make me jump into a river. This...bizarre, electronic, wubbing worthless excuse they call music. Another failure this pathetic world has had to offer me.

I sat there on a chair in the corner deep inside The Pink One’s bakery, surrounded by the failures that infested this wretched excuse of a party. In my hand I held onto another failure. The horny’s definition of alcohol. I couldn’t even tell what it was, after I had taken one drink of it I had experienced the most sour tasting apple flavored drink I had ever been offered.

I had dumped it out, but shortly after grabbed another when the Pink One made me try the...Penis shaped cake. It even had white frosting. I rested my face into my palm and sighed as I thought back to its, shamefully delicious taste. That is why I had grabbed another failure of a drink, to punish myself for enjoying such a disappointment.

The music that wracked my mind soon changed tracks to something even worse. The music was fast and the screeching electric sounds and deep wubbing from the machine caused me to bite my lower standing up and glanced over to where the DJ was stationed and I gawked. It was a fucking Horny choosing the damn music! I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists, I should’ve fucking known.

“Hey, Isaac!” I heard my name being called, glancing back I saw Twilight coming towards me along with her Apple friend, who didn’t look happy in the slightest, and the Cyan Bird, who looked rather embarrassed to be even around me. Couldn’t blame her.

“What is it, Horny?” I snarled at Twilight, I had to resist nearly every nerve to punch her.

“I uh...” Twilight’s ears fold back and she drops down and bows. “I’m sorry for causing your genitalia to grow!” I couldn’t help it as I suddenly found myself laughing out loud. The three ponies glanced at me nervously as I turned my back on Twilight started walking towards the DJ still laughing.

As the DJ Horny continued to play her music, I clambered up onto her makeshift stage and shoved her out of the way before taking my pathetic alcohol and dumping it all over her system. The module before me sparked and whirred, the entire thing short circuiting in a matter of seconds while also causing the music to freak the fuck out for a second before shutting off. Immediately all eyes were on me.

“What gives man?!” The white horny yelled at me, I looked over to see the DJ levitating her glasses over her angry purple eyes. “That costs money y’know!”

My eyes widened. “Oh really? I didn’t know that,” I said sarcastically as I rolled my eyes and raised both hands. “Now everyone!” I gathered all the pony’s attention. “I know what I just did was a bit dickish!”

“You think?” The DJ retorted to which I turned and jammed a finger at her.

“Oi, you shut that pippen mouth or I’m taking this set,” I snarled at her but the mare rolled her eyes.

“You might as well, you fucking busted it, man...” Her ears flopped. “I’m gonna have to call Neon and let him know the show’s cancelled,” she murmured softly.

I rolled my eyes but smirked, well that just saved me the trip to the Apple farm. “Now I just need to make an announcement and then I’m out!” I cleared my throat. “All of you are failures!” This got me a few cocked eyebrows. “Like seriously, what the hell? Why are you even here? None of you even fucking know me, or even heard of me, and I’ve definitely never heard of any of you!”

“I heard of you!” Shouted a random pony.

“You ain’t heard shit!” I snapped said pony. “Really I bet the only reason you guys came here was because of the free booze and maybe a fuck or two. No one ever came to speak to me, or hardly even looked at me. No. The only reason any of you are here is to just get shitfaced and have an orgy and for the reasons.” I gave them all the bird. “I’m out!” I went to step off stage but stopped and turned towards the DJ’s set. “This thing on wheels?” I asked when I saw the mare sniffling and rubbing her eyes, she was hiding behind a speaker.

“What the fuck do you think?” She spat on me and I cocked an eyebrow but shrugged, checking the set was indeed on wheels, I grabbed it and started pull it off stage. Forgetting it was plugged in I ended up and dragging a shit load of speakers and lights down, one set nearly crushing a pony to death. The DJ gasped loudly when the speaker she hid behind fell and crushed the punch bowl while also exposing her crying form to the crowd.

“What about the fireworks?” I heard the Pink One shout once I reached the main floor with the DJ’s mix set.

“Oh yeah!” I poked my head up. “Where are they?”

Pinkie appeared before me from the crowd. “Up in my room...” She pouted just as Twilight and her friends showed up beside Pinkie.

I smiled. “Thanks, I’ll take those on my way out.” I glanced at Twilight and the others, no one seemed pleased, matter of fact, I was receiving a ton of cold stares. “Oh and Twilight,” I looked at her in particularly. “I’ll think on that apology. Ciao everyone!” I turned and dragged the set out with me just before going to get the fireworks.

Everything seemed to be coming together just perfectly. What a great day.

Author's Note

The plan is coming together.

Chapter 5: Locked Up and Bailed Out

The bars to my cell slid shut and I threw my hands up in disgust. “What’s the meaning of this!” I grasped the metal bars and shook them angrily. I poked my face between the gaps and yelled, “I demand a warrant! Where’s my lawyer! I know my rights!” I scowled and pushed myself away from the bars and stepped back.

“You know full well why you’re in here.” The police horny said to me from the other side. “Vandalisation, disruption of the public, and countless numbers of theft.”

I rolled my eyes. “Disruption of the public wasn’t even my fault.” I sulked back against the stone wall and sat onto the cold floor. “And I had to steal to survive, I planned on returning everything anyways.”

“You destroyed my mixing set!” The white horny suddenly appeared beside the police horny. “You jerk I was had everything for this month set up!” She kicked the bars angrily. “And you destroyed my set!” Her horn flashed for a second and my heart lept into my throat.

Shaking my head I planted both hands over my ear. “Okay! Okay!” I shook my head and clenched my eye shut. “Just turn that shit voodoo shit off, fucking horny!” I said my heart thumping faster as obscured images of her flashed before me.

“Ma’am, as funny as agitating the inmates can be, please stop.” The guard made the horny stop and she stepped away. “Sir, until your trial is set up you’ll remain in here til further notice.”

“I still demand a lawyer!” I shook a fist at her but the mare ignored me and walked away alongside the white horny.

I took a breath and sat back in the corner, my legs drawing up to my chest as I took a breath and tried to purge the imagery of the voodoo shit from my mind.

:[-]:

Date: Unknown

Time had past since my sentencing and I have still been unable to figure out how they had triggered the trap to put me here. I can still feel the tingles of the voodoo they had cast on me back in the alleyway and I fear it may be some time before I cleanse my body the waters of the stream near my home.

I can feel it traveling through me, manipulating me in some ways I do not appreciate. I hate it. I fucking hate it! I want to make it stop but they refuse to give me water to cleanse myself. Cause of this I can’t stop thinking about her, yet I don’t even know who she is, yet the thought of her shakes me to my very core.

Wall that isn’t mine, I fear that this maybe my final days. If I cannot cleanse myself and get rid of the very thought of the creature who terrifies for reasons I don’t know, but I think I should know...I think I’ll die.

Wall contained within this jail, I hear someone coming. Please forgive me for my next cause of actions.

:[-]:

I hid in the near right corner to the cell’s entrance, with a pen in hand the stupid horny’s had not thought to strip me down. Meanwhile, I could hear their voices, the clopping of their hooves drawing near. My heart then constricted when I heard the sound of their voodoo coming to life and the opening to my cell swung open.

“Isaac, you in here?” I briefly heard Twilight’s voice which then quickly turned to a scream when I lunged at her from my corner.

“For the Emperorah!” It was the first battle cry that came to my mind, if I was going to die, I better go out sounding like a badass. I my body froze in mid swing of my small stone I used to carve my memo, body tingling and mind going all fuzzy I soon find myself upon the floor, eyes looking upwards.

“In the name of Celestia, Isaac, don’t do that!” Twilight glared down at me.

I blinked and groaned, my body tingling with the voodoo that was used on me. “H-how did I?”

“I pushed you over with my magic,” Twilight said and took a deep breath. “I know you don’t like it when I do that Isaac, but you have me worried.” I sat up and rubbed my head before glaring at Twilight, I pushed myself against the wall with my feet and curled up. “We’re all worried.” Twilight looked at me.

“For once the horny actually cares,” I muttered softly and Twilight scowled and took a few steps toward me.

“Why do you hate me so much, Isaac?” She asked me sternly. “Ever since we found you sobbing in the Everfree, we’ve done nothing but try and help you.” I glared at Twilight my chest beginning to boil. “You talk to Pinkie fine and the others, but Rarity and I...y’know she said she never wanted to see you again?”

“Good!” I snapped at Twilight but she held her ground. “You...you unicorns and your magic have never brought anything good to me.” I sat back.

“Isaac I or Rarity have never done anything to you,” Twilight said softly her face taking a worried look as she sat down. “What happened, Isaac? Tell me the truth, please, I just want to be a friend.”

I gritted my teeth and shook my head, resting my hands over my ears I clenched my eyes shut. “I-I...Just please, I accept your apology, the white girl can take the set just...” I flopped over and curled up. “Just leave me alone for now.”

Twilight nodded and got back onto her hooves. “I paid your bail, Isaac, you’re free to go home whenever you wish.” I rolled over and turned my back to Twilight. “If you ever wish to talk, the girl’s and I are always here to listen.” With that she turned and left me be, the door the cell wide open.

I didn’t leave that night.

:[-]:

“So why did you bring me back here again?” Spike glanced up at me and I smiled widely.

I grinned happily and dragged Spike by his arm into my home. “Okay Dino-kid, I made something new I want you to try.” I gestured out to the inside of my home and grinned madly.

“What’s the difference?” Spike glanced up at me and I frowned and gestured once more to the edge of my home. Spike squinted and blinked. “Is that a bed?” I smacked the dragon on the back and fist pumped the air.

“Yes it is! I built an actual frame with my excellent carpentry skills! I even stole–borrowed some of Fancy horny’s fabric and sewed a mattress for my grass!” I grinned happily and struck a prideful pose.

Spike blinked and frowned. “Her name is Rarity,” he said sternly, I blinked and looked down at him.

“Beg your pardon?”

“Her name is Rarity,” He repeated, a bit of angry present in his tone.

I nodded my head and dismissed him with a hand. “Why yes of course. Now c’mon,” I skipped over some various bits and pieces of my latest project that scattered about the floor. I stopped over my new bed and patted the mattress. “C’mon now, Lad, give it a go!”

Spike sighed and rolled his eyes as he came over to me, taking a breath he hopped on the bed and gazed up at me. “It’s good,” he said and waved a finger at him.

“Shush your face, Little One.” I silenced him and stopped for a moment to listen, slowly I turned and sat on the bed next to him.

“...” I turned to look him.

Spike blinked nervously and scooted away. “So uh...the bed is holding the both of us perfectly.” He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.

I pursed my lips and reached out towards him as curiosity settled in. Spike glanced at me, his eyes widening when my fingers touched his spines on his back. “Uh...what are you doing?”

“You have such magnificent spikes.” The dragon hopped off the bed and shook his head.

“Nope! I’m not repeating this again!” He shook his head and made an X with his tiny dinosaur arms.

“Wait!” I called out to him and he stopped. I chuckled and smiled softly at him. “Is your Horn master––” I coughed into my fist. “––sorry, is Twilight available anytime soon?” I asked some reason feeling rather nervous.

Spike stopped and blinked at me curiously. “Yeah...why?” He asked me.

“I have a few questions I would like to ask her.”

Chapter 6: Conversation

“Brace yourselves!”

“What for––Agh! Jesus, what the fuck was that?!”

“Fucking Hermann’s payload just went up! I lost all control of the systems!”

“What do you mean the payload went up?”

“What the fuck do you think I mean? It fucking blew up! I’m switching to manual!”

“Holy shit, holy fucking shit what are we going to do now?!”

“We’re going to fucking live that’s what!”

“How?! It’ll be a fucking radioactive wasteland down there!”

“Lilly, calm the fuck down, that’s why Don had us put the suits on––”

“Deploying parachutes––GAh! Fuck! Oh shit! Everyone hold on!”

:[-]:

Ringing. All I could hear was a sharp ring tearing through each of my ear drums as I leaned forward and cradled the sides of my helmet. The sharp noise obscured everything by such a high margin I wasn’t even able to hear the sounds of my own groans as I undid my harness and crumpled to the metal floor. When I opened my eyes I could hardly make out my surroundings, yet I could see a blinding light peering through an opening in the side of one of the walls.

Still cupping the side of my head with one hand, I used the other to drag myself over to the door. Faintly, as my hand came into view with each pull forward, I saw that I was in some kind of pressurized jump suit, and the fog appearing in front of me showed the helmet I was wearing had some kind of visor. On it I could hardly make out what looked to be colored shapes and possibly digits, yet no matter how hard I tried to focus on them, I was unable to tell what they were.

The ringing in my ear slowly faded as I reached the opening and I was blinded by the light piercing through. I could hear myself groan as I shielded my face and forcibly pulled myself out of the metal tomb I had found myself in and fell a good few feet onto the ground right shoulder first. Crying out I gritted my teeth and rolled onto my belly and looked upon my surroundings and gawked when my eyes fell upon the source of all this light.

At the edge of the horizon it was as bright as the rising sun itself. As I quickly scrambled onto my knees I crawled forward and wiped the blowing dust off of my helmet and gazed with terrified awe upon the massive glow of a colossal, flaming mushroom cloud.

:[-]:

The sharp cracks of a hoof banging on my door snapped me out of my dazed stupor and I whipped my head around to gaze at my door. Taking a breath I gazed down at my table and noticed that I had fallen asleep in the middle of one of my journal entries. I sighed slightly and mumbled something as I tossed the quill I didn’t own to the side and closed the journal that also didn’t belong to me and shoved it to the edge of the table I had built with my beautiful carpentry skills.

Getting up I walked over to other end of the shack I had built back when my carpentry skills weren’t the brightest and undid the grass tied lock I had made last night. After undoing the knot I opened the door and grimaced when the bright, morning light blinded me.

“I’m not interested in butt marks okay,” I mumbled as I poked my head out and blinked just as I noticed Twilight gazing up at me with a confused look. “Oh...it’s you,” I grumbled.

Twilight shook her head as she disregarded my starting words and looked up at me with a smile. “Spike said you wished to see me?” I took a breath and momentarily broke eye contact as I tried to recall ever wanting to speak to Twilight.

“...”

Twilight tilted her head like a confused dog.

“...”

“Uh...is this a bad tim––”

“Shush your face, I’m thinking,” I silenced her with a firmly planted finger on her lips.

Twilight blinked and remained silent.

After a few moments I smiled lightly and nodded my head. “Yes I do recall actual.” I pushed my door open all the way, lightly smacking her snout due to her standing too close. Twilight yelped a little and stepped back and blushed a bit. “Please, c’mon.” I gestured for Twilight to come into my abode, yet the unicorn remained hesitant. “Or is my shack too filthy for your kind?” I cracked an eyebrow at her.

Twilight’s blush darkened and she shook her head. “S-sorry, Isaac...it's just that. This is the first time you’re allowing me to come inside.” She looked at me, her face seemingly touched by my simple offer to have her come inside.

“Yeah.” I nodded then said, “But if you’re just going to sit here and cry or something, this might be the last time.”

Twilight briskly shook her head then smiled. “Sorry.” She slightly bowed to me like some kind of Japanese business man before trotting inside, to which I then closed the door and turned to follow the unicorn.

“Feel free to uh...sit down and uh...” I gestured to the table I had expertly crafted, on it was the journal I didn’t own and some eggs I had stolen and cooked from the yellow one when she wasn’t looking. “Feel free to eat whatever your kind eats...like uh, eggs. You guys eat eggs right? I always forget this shit.” I looked at Twilight who seemed to be more interested in the poorly built home I had constructed in my early days.

Good thing I had planned on expanding soon, maybe then I could possibly rework some bits. “Oh uh...” Twilight looked at me. “I don’t eat eggs often but yes. We ponies can eat eggs.”

“Well I knew ponies could. I just didn’t know if you hornies prefer some kind of...pizazz or some shit added to it,” I said and gestured the second half with some mighty fine jazz hands.

Twilight snorted and shook her head, seeming to have not taken any offense she looked at me with a smile. “No, we unicorns can eat everything earth and pegasai ponies eat. Now what you're thinking of is Rarity, she probably wouldn’t touch these.” As if to prove her point, Twilight levitated a plain omelette over and took a bite out of it. Her face grimacing momentarily as she chewed and swallowed it.

I chuckled. “I don’t have any spices to add to the flavor and uh...that’s been there since last night.” I smirked as Twilight’s face turned a slight shade of green and she nodded before levitating the egg back to its original resting place. Chuckled and gestured towards my other chair. “Have a seat.”

Twilight nodded and obliged, taking a seat on my perfectly constructed dining chair, I sat across from her on my poorly designed, but suitable stool. “You’re probably wondering why I requested you to come.” Twilight simply nodded her head and I took a breath. “Well there’s a few reasons why I had you come...Twilight’s your name right?” This seemed to shock the mare as she leaned back partially in shock.

“Yes, yes it is.” She nodded and leaned forward.

I smiled. “Okay the, Twilight...first I want to ask you an important question.”

Twilight smiled widely and she nodded. “Okay, what do you want to know?”

“Why do you care about me?” Twilight reeled back as if I had just punched her in the face and she gawked.

“Uh...because...eh...uh...” She had completely fallen into gibberish, for a few moments she verbally tried to compile her thoughts before finally shaking her head and taking a deep breath. “Isaac...” She started slowly and looked at me. “I care about you because I am the Princess of Friendship. It’s my job and right to try and befriend and help those no matter who they are or what their background is.”

I snorted.

Twilight cocked her head at me and frowned. “What’s so funny?”

I shook my head. “O-oh nothing, I uh...just couldn’t get over the title. I never heard of a Princess of Friendship, it uh...just kinda came from left field.” I took a breath as Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed. “But...so you, a horny, is the Princess of Friendship?” Twilight nodded. “And cause of that, you think me: an asshole who just wound up here and is an utter prick to everyone, has the potential to be your friend?” I pointed at Twilight.

“Well of course, Isaac. Yes you can be brutish or kind of mean, but...” Twilight took a breath. “You’re not evil and everypony can always come around like look at us now, we’re talking or look at Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie the three of you are friends.” Twilight sighed once more as she tried to gather up her words. “Isaac, the reason why I helped you get out of jail is because I think I can make you a better pony––”

“Person.” I interjected.

“Sorry?” Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“You can help make me a better person,” I corrected her.

Twilighted nodded. “Thank you.”

“But what if I don’t want your help?” I asked Twilight who looked at me with wide eyes.

“Uh...I...” She bit her lower lip. “That would make me feel rather ashamed that I could not help you make any friends.”

“But what if I don’t want friends?” I asked and leaned forward.

“Then I would pity you.” Twilight looked up at me.

I blinked and leaned back. “You would pity me?”

Twilight nodded quietly and took a breath. “Isaac, when I found you crying deep within the Everfree, all I could think about is giving you a hug and comforting you.”

“And when you tried that I punched you in the face.”

“Correction, you tried to punch me in the face.”

I chuckled. “Well maybe next time you should let someone know you’re trying to help them before sneaking up on them and smothering them with your wings.” Twilight blushed and looked away silently. I chuckled and took a deep breath before looking up at Twilight. “Look, Horny...Twilight, I just wanted to thank you for getting me out of jail.” Twilight glanced back up at me just as I leaned back and rubbed the back of my head. I could feel the blush burning on my cheeks as I found what I was saying rather...embarrassing. “And I wanted to...apologize as well for ruining that party you guys threw for me I just, I was still angry about what you did to me and well...I just really fucking don’t like your unicorns.” I said bluntly.

“And why is that?” Twilight asked me.

I froze. “...”

Twilight leaned forward and looked at me more closely. “Please, Isaac, if something happened to you in the past. Just, you don’t need to talk about it, but I can assure you, I’m not like Rarity or a lot of the Canterlot Unicorns. I try not to judge ponies based upon the appearances or actions, and I certainly do not act upon my judgements. So please, just tell me, I’ll even keep it secret, why don’t you like unicorns or magic?”

“I don’t know.”

“Eh?”

I looked up at Twilight, my eyes wide and I could feel my hands shaking. “I-I don’t know why.”

Chapter 7: Trust

Breathing heavily, feet moving as fast as they can, the heavy metallic tools and other various farm materials bumping around in my arms. The sharp, primal barks echoing in my ears. I cursed and huffed as I stumbled over a branch.

“Ah swear yall better git on back here with mah tools!” Came the shout of an overly angry mare who I presume was enduring something similar to the menstrual cycle. Could these ponies even experience a menstrual cycle? Perhaps I should perform an analysis in the future to advance my studies.

Out of the corner of my right eye, a dark object lept out at me from behind a bush. Gasping and expertly dove at the last second, I landed on the ground and glanced back to a see a massive bulldog recovering. Soon it turned and began to charge at me, grabbing a nearby hex key, which clearly wasn’t mine and bashed the ugly mutt in the side of the head. Surprisingly knocking it out cold in when swing.

Breathing heavily I wiped my brow and gathered up the tools I had dropped and bolted towards the barbed wire fence the Apples had put up about a week back. I tossed the tools over the fence and took off the flight jacket I had and draped it over the barbed wire to act as a crude barrier. Cursing and hissing I was able to make it over the fence in record time, however, I was forced to ditch my old, black jacket due to the howling dogs and angry yells.

Snatching up the tools I quickly ran towards the direction of my expertly crafted home.

:[-]:

Shutting the door behind me I breathed deeply and closed my eyes as I rested my back against it. “So where did you get those?” I jolted and blinked at the sound of the voice, looking up I saw Twilight and Applejack glaring at me. I bit my lower lip and dropped all the tools that weren’t mine on the floor, which was none of them.

I looked up at Twilight and took a deep breath. “I found them.”

“Where did ya find them?” The orange hick asked me sarcastically.

“Outside a redneck’s barn,” I said with a shrug, knowing I could’ve probably come up with something better to say.

Applejack scowled. “First off ah ain’t a redneck!”

“Quite frankly, dear, many would beg to differ,” I replied in a pompous tone as I kicked the tools aside and walked over to my crudely built pantry. I opened it to reveal a bunch of jars filled with some multicolored jam which was fucking delicious. I grabbed a jar which was half full, or empty, it's up to whoever saw it, and placed it on the counter. “No replies? No witty remarks?” I asked as I glanced over at the mare and saw her gawking at the inside of my pantry. “Careful I got flies in here.”

“Isaac...where did you get all that Zap Apple Jam?” Twilight asked me in a quiet and worried sounded voice.

“Oh you mean this rainbow shit?” I asked as grabbed some bread, that wasn’t mine. “I found that as well.”

“Where? When?” The Orange hic asked.

I shrugged. “I got this stuff waaaaay back, some big red fucker was pulling a cart, I was hungry, veeery hung––GAAWK!” I gasped when I felt a pair of hooves striking hard into my back, face going forward I smacked face first into my pantry and slumped bit. Just before hitting the floor, I caught myself and unsheathed my bread knife from its holder and turned to the orange bitch who kicked me. “DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!” I screamed and pointed the edge of the knife at the very angry mare, tears building at the edges of her eyes.

Twilight immediately stepped between us. “WHOA! WHOA!” Suddenly I felt a magical aura wrap itself around me, my body unable to move.

“This bitch is looking to get cut!” I growled, rage pumping through my veins, my right eye was also beginning to throb. “I’ll fucking cut you!”

“You hurt mah brother!” The mare screamed. “You stole Granny’s jam!”

“Guys please!”

“I was fucking starving! He wouldn’t give me anything!”

“GUYS!” Twilight yelled and instantly I found myself unable to speak. “Enough!” Twilight glanced at the two of us. “Violence won’t solve anything, A.J., you know that.” Twilight glared at Applejack whose eyes then shifted a bit out of shame. Twilight then turned her attention over to me. “Isaac, I told you about how stealing isn’t right, if you need something, just come and ask me.”

“MMMMNFGGHNBBMFH!” I replied smartly, Twilight sighed and undid whatever voodoo shit she had casted over my mouth and I took a deep breath. “Yes, but then I would owe you a favor. Secondly, half of these tools is exactly what I need, and I wasn’t stealing. I was....’borrowing’.”

“Did you ever plan on giving them back?” Twilight raised an eyebrow and if I could, I would’ve shifted a bit. Biting my lip I knew there wasn’t really a point in lying but I shrugged and thought, fuck it.

“Eventually...”

“Mggughafuchbak!” The orange mare yelled at me and I rolled my eyes as Twilight undid her spell. “You weren’t borrowing nuthin! If ya needed tools ya coulda asked!” The mare scowled and I sighed.

“Like I said, I would’ve then owed a favor, and favors just isn’t my thing.” I stared at her as the mare rolled her eyes at me, lots of a eye rolling today. Then again, being bound in placed by voodoo shit kinda makes doing gestures a little difficult. I looked at Twilight who took an uneasy breath.

“Isaac, I’m not really into favors as well. That’s why, if you need something, don’t worry about having to pay us back,” Twilight says sincerely but oh no, I saw what she was trying to do. I could see the bullhit dripping out of her mouth plain as a day. It was fucking disgusting.

“Bullshit,” I called her out. “What is there to gain in giving me shit without me having to pay you back in some form or way? You gain nothing from it so I don’t by this utopian shit.” Twilight blinked and shook her head, a snort or too escaping her mouth which furthered my frown. “What’s so fucking funny?” I asked as I tried to shift under all the voodoo placed on me.

“Of course I’ll be getting something,” Twilight said and looked at me with a smile. “It’s called trust, Isaac. Something I think would benefit you and everypony here greatly,” Twilight said as I stopped my fidgeting.

I blink for a moment. Trust?

A word I’m very familiar with yet now that I think about it...its also so alien to me.

Looking like she had completed her mission Twilight undid her spell on me and AJ. Stepping back I grabbed my wrists and rubbed them gently as I took a deep breath and relaxed a little. “Okay...” I said quietly. “I guess that does make sense.” I dusted off my sleeves and took a breath.

“So you gunna give me back mah tools?” AJ asked.

“Fuck no. Not until I’m done.”

“ISAAC!” Twilight glared at me and I laughed.

:[-]:

Date: Unknown
Evening

Journal I don’t even own, it has been many moons since I have written to you. Things have changed over the month or two I think has past since I last wrote. I have decided to accept the horned one’s, who is named Twilight, advice and even slightly knowledgeable wisdom. For the most part she has become a valuable asset towards my cause in building the device which I’ve think I figured out.

Though my memory of distant past is still rather patchy and I can only remember small bits and pieces. I think I remember exactly what I’m building here, it’s a weapon of some sorts. Like a crossbow, but instead of bolts it’ll fling metallic shards.

I do find it funny though how I can’t recall much of my past, though I do recall much of the skills I have been able to retain. Engineering seeming to be one of them, and also my superior carpentry skills that do need to be hammered out a little more.

Get it?

God I’m pathetic.

Anyhow, constructing such a weapon in this world sounds silly. Yet that’s why I’m doing it. The silliness of it is rather humorous, and while i’m at it it’ll help keep my mind clear and away from the horned ones. Also, the item I am constructing doesn’t seem to be around in this world, and from the vague depictions I can see from my dreams reveals to me that my past had been littered with these devices.

So who knows, perhaps I maybe bringing a new form of warfare to this world? Maybe I’ll become filthy rich? Perhaps I would be seen as some form of God of War? Now that’s something amuse myself with.

Anyhow, Journal that isn’t mine, I should take the tools that aren’t mine and focus on building the extensions to my home. Perhaps now I will not forget you and I will record more of findings in here. Now I must find that natural sleeping agent.

I do not wish to have the nightmares about her again. That I shall talk about for another time.

Chapter 8: Food Betrayal

Date: Perhaps sometime in November in 2017(?)

About a week has passed since I was forced to give the orange red neck her tools back. After Twilight had forced us to make up, I have learned to grow and hate that orange kin fucker some more...pardon my french. I should retract that statement and say that I do not hate her, I just strongly dislike her. So much so that I wish I could wrap my fingers around her throat and strangle the putrid being to the point that I squeeze every ounce of her life energy from her very fucking soul!

It would be a waste of ink to cross all that out.

Whoever in the future may read this journal that doesn’t belong to me. Bare in mind that I am not in the best of moods right now to be really writing this. Perhaps I should clarify why I strongly dislike the orange one? Okay then, where should I start?

Her accent for starters is annoying. Though many of the others have said I speak similarly to her, I shall fully deny each and everyone of those statements until I have recorded proof. Till then I shall stick my toes in the dirt and say that there is no way in hell that I sound like a redneck. If I had to say my voice range is similar to a southern...fuck...what’s the name of the state. Ohao?

Shit. I wish I could erase ink. I meant Ohio.

Where’s Ohio again?

Nevermind.

Secondly the damn mare is just too fucking honest. She never keeps any of my secrets and constantly critiques everything I do! I’m literally coming centimeters from taking my hand and ramming the back of it across her face and ripping that fucking hat!

Even Twilight is kind enough to keep her nose–half the time–out of my business!

Hell, the Pink one is much more tolerable than the orange one...then again

Pink One is always kind enough to tend to my, primal needs should I say.

We must stop seeing each other that way.

:[-]:

I stepped back after tying the last bit of thatch into place, taking a breath and hummed as I gazed upon my expert handiwork. Taking the cup that wasn’t mine filled with water, I took a sip and hummed as I sat back onto my masterwork of a lounge chair. The first extension to my home had been complete.

Sitting outside beside said home, I simply looked at what I had built, the bit I had constructed was something of that of a workshop. An area in which I can put all of my engineering knowledge I had obtained from God knows where to good work. Snorting softly I hummed. “With my knowledge of much higher world...” I trailed off in silence as I sipped my water like a dainty business man. “...I could really become something in this one.”

“Become what?” A voice said from behind me, gasping I shot up and turned to see Twilight along with her gay, rainbow pegasus friend...what was her name again? She had been there when the pink one offered her services. Geh, fuck it.

I growled a shook my head, my drink having nearly spilt, I set it down on a stump stool I had crafted by murdering a poor tree with my axe and hands. “Dammit, Horny, I told you to give me a heads up!” I cursed and glared at the two.

The lesbian beside Twilight frowned at me. “She has a name y’know!” Twilight silenced the dyke with a raised wing.

“It’s fine, Rainbow,” Twilight assured the pegasus. “Isaac’s right, we should’ve gave him a heads up.” She turned at me. “Sorry, Isaac, I’m just coming to do my usual seasonal check up.”

I snorted and crossed my arms. “What’re you, my fucking doctor?” I couldn’t help but smirk as Twilight rolled her eyes. She didn’t like it when I swore, especially when I told her what most of my “human” swear words meant.

“She’s more like your veterinarian,” Rainbow replied quietly.

I glared at the carpet muncher and crossed my arms. “You trying to imply I’m some kind of animal?”

The pegasus glared at me. “You might as well be, have you looked at yourself at all?”

“C’mon, guys...” Twilight shook her head and sighed. “Why is it everytime I bring a friend––”

“What do you mean, ‘Look at myself’?” I growled and took a step forward towards the mare.

“You look like a pig who rolled in mud!” The pegasus gestured a hoof at me

My brow furrowed, deep canyons carved into my forehead as I approached the mare who glared back at me. She too began to walk towards me, slowly I slipped my right hand into my pocket. “Do you have any idea who you’re dealing with, Butch?” I growled.

Rainbow snarled at me. “A bully that’s for sure!”

“By Luna’s name, Guys, c’mon!” Twilight said, her horn flaring to life. Glancing over I saw her lit horn and gasped when I knew what was going to happen, quickly I shoved my right hand into my pocket and grabbed a large handful of sand I had expertly hidden away before flinging a vast cloud into both Penny’s massive eyes.

“POCKET SAND!” I shouted out and ducked out of the way to dive into the nearby underbrush.

Both ponies cried out and fell into coughing fits. Scurrying expertly through the plants and trees, I hid not too far away and spied on the two ponies. “What the-the hay was that!” Rainbow cursed and whimpered as she rubbed at her dinner plate eyes.

Twilight coughed and cleaned her own with her hideous magic before doing the same for Rainbow. “I-It’s not the first time, h-he’s done that too me, Rainbow.” She coughed and spat some sand out of her mouth. “It's his defense mechanism for when he feels threatened. That’s why I told you to keep your cool, now we gone and scared him off.”

The beanflicker sighed. “Sorry, Twilight...” she rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. “Any idea when he’d be back?”

The alicorn sat back and tapped her chin. “According to some of my calculations brought on by previous incidents, about three days. He doesn’t hide far though...” My heart skipped a bit. “Matter of fact, after some previous experiments.” Her horn lit up as she smiled, a bright flash of light erupted from thin air, and the best thing in the world happened.

Slowly descending upon the earth, my eyes widened and mouth fell open upon a luxurious sight. Twilight smiled at Rainbow who looked seemingly confused as Twilight lowered a plate of hot, spaghetti and tomato sauce down on the tree stump beside my water.

“Twilight, what are you––” Rainbow is silenced by Twilight shushing her up.

“C’mon, we need to check on Fluttershy,” Twilight tugged on Rainbow with her magic. “Last I heard she was scared to near death by Isaac last night.”

“For real?” The pegasus asked as both of them walked out of my field of view.

Seconds and then minutes past as I sat there, relishing in the sweet, magnificent aroma that was the spaghetti. My mouth drooled, my eyes teared up at the beautiful smell, fingers twitched eagerly as time itself began to melt away. For that I had no idea how long I had sat there craving over the smell. All I knew is that when I had finally broken down and submitted to what be the spaghetti.

I had fallen for a trap.

After stepping out of the underbrush, I approached the plate that held the meal of gods. Only to find myself ensnared in a tight net which knocked me to the ground. “Gahha! What the fuck!” I shouted as both Twilight and Rainbow towered over me.

The cyan mare laughed out loud as Twilight herself snickered as the two of them watched me squirm under the net which entangled me more. “You mother fuckers! St-stop laughing at me! I’ll fucking kill you! I swear I’ll fucking kill you all! You fucking traitors, I thought I trusted you bitches! Fucking horned winged motherfuckers you can all burn in fucking hell!”

The two ponies blinked and Twilight’s horn flashed and the net around me disappeared. Twilight shifted and looked about with her ears hung back. “Oh jeez...sorry Isaac, we were just messing––” I bopped the pony on the nose with bottom of my fist which sent her back sputtering.

“That was not funny!” I got up and dusted my filthy jeans off. “You do not toy with a man’s heart with what be spaghetti!” I crossed my arms and growled. “Now begone with both of you!” I flung my right hand outwards.

“What about the check up––”

“Tomorrow!” I snapped at Twilight before turning away, I snatched up the plate of now cool spaghetti.

The two ponies shifted and looked at each other. “S-sorry, Isaac.”

“Bah!” I grunted as I went inside and slammed the door shut.

:[-]:

Date: Apparently it's November 14th said the horned devil

Journal which doesn’t belong to me. I am sad.

Spaghetti was undercooked, sauce was cold, and I had no silverware.

This day had only gotten worse.

Excuse me while I leak the salty water from my eyes.

Author's Note

Its been awhile, so I thought I'd make a silly SoL chapter.

I know it doesn't really expand upon a general plot. But for those wondering, that isn't really the main focus of this story. Yes. There is an actual plot and a back story and so on, but again, not the main focus.

Chapter 9: Origins?

Twilight glanced at me with a cocked eyebrow and said nothing. Closing my eyes I took a breath and looked away silently due to me having nothing to say. What was there even to say? I don’t know why I hate unicorns. It’s just that every time I looked at one of them hornies I just...a fire would light and I would just, wanna wrap my hands around their multicolored necks and just strangle the life out of them!

“Do you hate me, Isaac?” Twilight asked me and I looked back up at her. “Be honest with me, do you truly hate me?” I bit my lip and sat back in the chair I had not so expertly crafted.

“I try not to...” I said quietly and glanced up at her slightly. “I know, Twilight, that you really want to help me, and that you’re not like the others.” I took a deep breath and compiled more of my thoughts. “But whatever it is, whatever my dreams keep telling me, the visions I process at night, the paths I had walked...I just can’t help but see all the bad around your kind.”

“But what bad stuff, Isaac?” Twilight leaned towards me, her face looking genuinely worried and or curious. “Please, I want to know the truth!”

I gritted my teeth and planted my hand firmly on the table. “I told you! I don’t. Fucking. Know!” I growled and the pony sat back, her wings ruffling nervously. I gulped and took a few deep breaths. “There are parts of me that I can only recall bits and pieces, and even then some of the pieces are fogged up and I am unable to make out any details. All I can recall is a dark, tall figure with a horn, I assume it’s a mare and well...she terrifies me.” I looked at Twilight.

“What else?” She asked me. “What else can you recall.”

I shook my head. “Not much.”

“Could you see where you are?” Twilight asked me. “Your surroundings per se?”

I too another breath and fell silent as I thought for a few moments. Finally, I turned my head to look at Twilight. “I was in a desert, everything was bright...almost blinding...”

:[-]:

Everything around me was blinding, even with the gloved hand held in front of my face I could see the skeleton silhouette before my eyes. The wind around me was rushing and this blaring heat was striking my body as I stumbled forward through the dust and gusting sand. I could hear shouting past the howling wind, my shouting; yet I couldn’t tell what I was saying. I could feel myself sweating in the weird costume I was wearing, my skin sticking to the thin, but strong fabric that I wore.

I pushed through the shrieking wind, walking towards the blinding light but was interrupted when my foot caught onto a rock and I fell forward with a yelp. My face smashed against an ill placed boulder sticking from the earth, shattering my glass mask into millions of pieces. For some reason...I began to panic, like completely freak the fuck out when I noticed the mask was broken. I can remember frantically digging through the sand and dust for the pieces of glass. Heart slamming against my chest as I began to speak incomprehensibly as I began to sob. Yet after a few moments...I stopped.

I slowly began to calm down and breathe, but once again, I began to panic once more when I heard this laughter. This creepy, fucked up distorted laughter behind me. Terrified beyond belief, I rose my head and looked back. Just then I swore I could see something, a horned pony like creature; but, everything was blurry, and the blinding light behind me didn’t help at all with spotting the details.

Yet I could clearly remember freaking out as I tried to run. Faintly, I could recall screaming something as I ran...a name, I think I was calling for someone, yet I don’t know who. I was all alone, and whatever was coming after me, I can only remember that it wasn’t good...

:[-]:

I opened my eyes and looked at Twilight to see that she had been writing all of that down. I blinked. “What are you doing?” I asked her after a few moments of silence.

“I’m taking notes,” She answered me quickly and finished jotting down the last of whatever she was writing before she teleported everything away.

I flinched when her notes suddenly vanished and I took a deep breath. “Preparing for my upcoming test?” I joked softly, though it wasn’t that great of one.

Twilight raised an eyebrow and I sighed. After a few moments Twilight smiled and simply nodded her head before suddenly frowning, which in turn made my nerves crawl. “Isaac, how long ago did this happen?” I blinked and bit my lower lip and shifted in my creaky, not so well crafted chair.

“What do you mean? My dream?” I cocked my head. “I have it nearly every night.” Twilight shook her head and teleported back her notes which made me yelp in surprise. “Warn me please!” And the unicorn rolled her eyes, bitch.

“What’s your earliest memory?” Twilight asked, the question being a curve ball as I suddenly found myself stuttering and trying to recall. Twilight cocked her head as she tried to decipher my unintelligible words as I tried to remember.

I blinked and got up suddenly and stepped past Twilight who turned in her seat just as I grabbed the stolen journal I owned. I flipped all the way back to the first page and read it over. “I had taken this journal over a year ago from someone I cannot recall,” I said to Twilight, “After I realized I couldn’t remember who I was or where I came from, yet I had the ability to speak and recall things that I don’t know what they are.”

Twilight made a face of confusion and said, “Wait what?”

I glanced at her. “I don’t know either, but I do. Contradictory, I know, but I don’t want to sit here and try and explain it to you.” I walked over to Twilight and placed the journal on my perfectly built table. “What I do know is that when I first came to be, I had no idea who I was, where I’m from, or even what I was.”

“But you told us you’re a Human.” The alicorn pointed at me with her hoof. “And that your name is Isaac Snow.” I nodded my head once more and pointed to an old antique I found during my early days of setting up shop. It was an orange and white suit made of unknown materials. “I was wearing that when my mind came to be, and on the left breast pocket you can see a nameplate.” Twilight squinted and sure enough Isaac Snow was written on it. “Not only that this journal I had taken and traveled with has bits a bobs of information I don’t fully understand written in even earlier pages.”

Twilight’s eyes widened and she glanced at it. “Wait, so that’s not a pony’s journal you took?”

I simply shrugged. “Found it amongst a metal frame I found on one of my scouting missions.” This seemed to make the alicorn even more curious.

“Scouting missions?” She asked me and I shrugged. “Scouting where.”

I gestured outwards with my arms. “Here in the Everfree.”

Author's Note

I know I said I wouldn't go too much into story with this one. But....I'm a liar and a cheater, but don't worry. Story won't hinder the comedy, at least I'll try not to make it that way.