Cinnamon's Journal

Chapters

Entry 2
Entry 4
Entry 5
Entry 6
Entry 7
Entry 8
Entry 9
Entry 10 - Moving to Earth
Traveling to Our New Home
Arriving in Grand Forks
First Day
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5
Day 8
Day 9
Day 10-16
Day 17 (Wow, Princesses are mean!)
Day 18
Entry 1
Entry 3
Day 6 and 7... Uh oh.

Entry 2

Last night was intense! I had sex with my wife and she was on top. It was really weird, but amazing to watch me be inside her and to watch her as we mated… it was incredible! It lasted almost five whole minutes, I think that’s a record. Definately worth passing out right after this time. Definetely? I’ll have to look up how to spell that word.

I worked yesterday in the morning so it was nice, and I got to see my family all night. My wife was foalsitting for a neighbor and the colt was playing nice with Timber so I had time to make a nice salad of hay, lettuces, and other stuff. It was nutritious and delicious. I should sell my salads at a market.

Celestia knows I’d make more bits than I do at the bar.

I don’t really want to open a shop in the market, though. There’s the taxes, fees, licensing, getting equipment. By the time I opened shop I’d be in the hole and be digging into my, our savings. She wouldn’t like that. Not a little.

So, I’m just an earth pony with a unicorn wife. Three children in school and one job to support them all. Mine. I’m already strapping my saddlebags tight, why not add onto it with a bill from the Stratonet. Oh, sure, of course. Why have the twelve year old get a job and earn bits when he can sit around and play with ponies he’ll never meet with technology I'll never understand.

At least he’s making friends, and that’s important.

Lilli has a nice friend named Piccolo, she's from some distant land. She has a tail that sways in the right ways, let me tell you. Oh, yeah, I have a thing for fillies. No biggie, as long asI don't act on it. I don’t do anything to them but watch them play and whatnot, glance under their tails, nothing too big.

Foalfoolers aren’t accepted anymore, not that we ever really were, but since my great grandfather’s time it has been frowned upon and in some cases outlawed and it seems humans are very against it. I can’t risk being myself, not with all I’ve earned, so maybe I’ll just have to change my lifestyle.

Anyway, work was fine enough. It was a busy night and I never knew ponies could use so many bad words! There’s this stallion named Arch Way, and every other word from his muzzle is the ‘f’ word. I used it once when he had left and I giggled like a foal at myself. What if I start saying it more because he does, and so do the other barkeeps. Some of the customers use other words I don’t know, but I think they’re bad words too, like ‘bitch’ and ‘vonatier’, and ‘shlong.’

I know some words aren’t Equestrian, but they use the word shlong like penis, I think it could be the same thing. Vonatier sounds familiar, like a play on the old word for a mares vagina, and I’m not stupid, but ignorance is different.

It’s too embarrassing to ask, so I’ll listen and hope I figure it out.

The ways they talk are odd, too. Like a stallion said his mare skunked him when he pulled out. I think what it means is his mare may have farted very loudly when he pulled his cart from her driveway. They laughed and I think that’s very funny, too. Not very marelike.

Well, that’s all for today, I’ll see you tomorrow.

Entry 4

Entree 4

I had a great cereal for breakfast. Normally I have oatmeal with sugar but yesterday I had a few bits to spare so I bought a name brand cereal and it was really good. I might save so I can have some every couple days. Once the family had some the bag was empty so I may have to hide it.

I saw a cute filly today on the way to Lilli’s school and her tail was held high. I’ll need to mate tonight for certain, or take care of it myself. But I don’t like that much, since using hooves hurts and using my mouth I have to get some squirts on my face and it feels sticky and I don’t like that. I don’t know why my wife does so much.

Whatever keeps her happy, though, keeps me happy.

I also saw a rainbow in the sky. Normally it’s no big deal, but this one was from one of the heroes of Equestria. I think her name’s Rainbow Dash and she was in our city for some Princess official business. The mares of the round table do tasks for Princess Twilight sometimes. I guess since she became a princess she’s more bossy than she was before.

But, she was the protoge of Princess Celestia herself and rumor has it now Princess Twilight is more controlling than she ever was before. Having everything needing to be organized a dozen ways before she’s happy. I can see living under her will be a chore more than an honor.

And who tames a dragon to use as a librarian? I understand the princess can; they can do anything. But why not a guard, or a weapon. Whatever, Princess Twilight can do whatever she wants as long as I don’t have to organize my house a dozen times cuz she’s passed a new law.

Going to work soon, but first I play with Timber for a while. It’s a beautiful day so we’ll be outside most of it. If I get to it I’ll write in you before bed. If not, there’s always tomorrow.

***

So the day went well enough, Timber and Lilli played with me while Blueberry helped mom with the garden. There’s something to be said about a family-colt that cares about his children enough to still play with them and not just have them read books or have their snouts in their Startonet whatevers.

Dinner was salad and noodles. I don’t know why my wife thinks she can cook like this, noodles don’t go with salads like this. But, someday she’ll learn or I’ll get old and bold enough to tell her. As it is, it wasn’t bad, but didn’t meld well together and the textures were just too soft all around.

The children went to bed easy enough and sex was a blast with her, but there’s something that’s missing. I guess pony-style isn’t as great as something as exciting as her on top. I think I’ll get that copy of the Camel-Sutra tomorrow from my brother and see how it helps. We shared a shower after we were done and shared our fantasies and they were pretty similar so that’s always a plus. When I was washing her side I nipped her neck and then we had sex again in the shower.

It was really good, so I think we need to do more exciting stuff to keep life exciting, at least when we’re mating I feel alive.

Entry 5

Sorry it’s been a couple days since my last entry, but it’s been a hard time. My friends came over tonight and we played a couple games and I learned that the Stratonet has this telegraph thing where you can talk over it! I went on my son’s and talked to some of his friends when he wasn’t home.

He couldn’t get me out of the room so he finally just joined me in talking with his friends. I’ve never talked to another pony from across the land before like they were close.

I talked to my boss at work and found out that I’m just in the running because I haven’t been there long enough and he doesn’t trust me to run the kitchen, even if it is in a bar.

There’s a fun and silly card game called Cards Against Ponydom and it’s very very silly. It has a lot of sexual stuff and some stuff that might make the Princesses mad, like I was given a card that asked what I wanted for supper and I got a card that said Princess Celestia’s teats.

I think we all almost peed it was so funny and my neighbor stopped by to make sure we weren’t under a spell or something. I guess it’s a great game and I’m going to the hobby shop to buy a set and hide them away so if the game is banned we can play in secret.

Well, it’s not like a lot of things get banned. But I guess it never hurts to be ready. I have cans of food, bottles of jam, and enchanted gems for purifying water just in case some nearby nation decides to attack. A pony can’t be too careful or safe, right?

I might even have a backup of you some day in the storage cellar. Well, basement of this house we share with three other families.

They call it a four plex but I don’t see why we can’t live in one house and just share everything, but that’s a nomad thought they say.

I was almost arrested yesterday. A policepony came up to me while I was trotting home after a long day and pushed me to the wall of a building and began to search me and my saddlebags for anything dangerous or illegal.

I had to explain that I was a chef at a restaurant and that was why I had a knife.

It was a little lie so I wasn’t a bad pony, but if I told her I was working at a bar I might have been in more trouble. She said she saw a pony that looked a lot like me steal something a few days before. She said she was going to watch me closely, but I didn’t do anything wrong so when I was leaving I stuck my tongue out at her and galloped away before she saw me.

I am a good pony, even though I like to fantasize about fillies. I don’t do anything about it besides mate more with my wife and she’s happy as ever. But, that’s not even all the time, so I’m a good pony. Right?

I don’t know why I’m asking a book when I should be asking a pony that knows something, but this’ all I have. I just don’t feel safe talking to a pony when I can write it to myself and look back on it someday. I hope that future me reads this and laughs at how silly I was. Hello future me. :c)

I think I need a change and I know where it is. The portal to the other earth has been open for a while now and thanks to the Stratonet, we can see what the other earth is like and the mutant minotaurs don’t seem too bad. I’ll talk it over with the family, maybe we can move there for a season and write a book or something. Maybe we can live there forever and I can get a new lease on life.

I’ll be honest, Journal, I don’t like where my life is right now. The bar is slow, the boss is a verlion that can go queef herself, and I’m not happy there. I have a cousin in the guard so I’ll ask him in a letter tomorrow about the process to go over there. Maybe I can see the other side before too many moons pass.

Good night, Journal.

Entry 6

Journal! I’ve found out about the other earth! I can go, with my family… They don’t have many families that are willing to go over, only singles or ambassadors, delegates, or other nobles. I’m just one of a few regular pony families that’re willing to go. It’s been a long week since I last wrote in you, but I think this is going to change everything, even how often I write in you. I have so much to learn, but after talking with my family, the ambassadors from Canterlot, and getting advice from other ponies we’re going to go there in the way of the old days.

We’re going to go there and learn as foals would, to help foster peace and understanding. We have some books translated to Equestrian from human, so we can learn a little from their writing in how to act and respond. The first thing I’m going to do is learn common greetings, I know how to say hello in a few languages in our world, but that doesn’t mean I can order a soup in the Zebra lands or a sandwich in the Gryphon isles.

Wow, I’m so excited I can’t stop shaking and I’ve eaten a pencil by accident, eraser and all. I had to switch to a quill from my wife’s collection. Oh yeah, we get our names translated to their language! It’s a language that’s versatile enough, it sounds like. . What an odd name for a language, but they sound like a nice and smart group of non-ponies.

They are very much like all races of ponies, I hear. I read in a report in the newspaper that there’s going to be some confusion between our worlds, but that’s why there’s going to be trade of families. I hear tell they use technology that lets them all fly like pegasi whenever they want, they can communicate through their own Stratonet across their world.

They don’t have need for magic to move their sun and moon, either. I hear they have a more refined democracy there. Without the need for Alicorn magic we’d be in the same place, by now, I think. But, I’m not that smart of a pony so i won’t worry about that stuff. Maybe I can be put in one of the humans’ memory things and learn a lot?! They call them compute’orrs. What they do is transfer information from everywhere to my brain.

There’s so much to learn and experience over there, too. New foods to cook, new friends to make, new dances to learn… They only walk on their hind legs, so it’ll be interesting to learn their way of life and movement. Maybe I’ll finally get to live my life, instead of flowing through it. I’ve spoken with my family they haven’t seen me so happy in a very long time, it seems to be this is what we’ve needed for a while.

My children will still have access to the Stratonet once a week to contact their friends and if they want they can return home at anytime for a visit, but this is a one year trial trade of families. I will have to meet with my representative on who will be taking over my house and responsibilities, I hope the humans aren’t too put out at first, there are some overly curious or suspicious ponies in the neighborhood.

I should warn them of the special time of the year coming up, just in case. It’s going to be the last one before winter, but a city full of mares in estrus can be a bit much if you’re not used to it. From the brochure I got when I filled out the paperwork it seems that humans can get pregnant whenever they want and have up to ten foals at a time.

TEN!

That’s intense! I can’t believe that number is so high, but I won’t try to mess with them. If those numbers are right then a single house could hold fifty family members… Wait, how many of the family will be coming over? Five of us going over there in a house built for fifty? We can’t house that many here. We can get twenty ponies during the best parties in here, and that’s a time for coming and going, not living.

I need to speak with my representative soon, I won’t be able to sleep tonight, I think. I need a trot. When I get stressed, I trot. I usually trot a lot, funny how I haven’t needed a good gallop these past couple days, though.

Entry 7

Today I met with my representative. Raven is a mare that knows her stuff. She’s been with the ambassador herd ever since the first meetings with the humans. She’s setting up our residence and explained that we won’t be giving our house to a horde of humans. They successfully reproduce maybe once a year only a couple times in their lives, so the family might only have one foal, child, thing to live in our house.

We won’t be staying where they’re from though. It’s currently summer season there, so we will go to a more isolated place in the center of their continent named Mareica. It looked nice enough, but there wasn’t a lot of grazing space in the photos I saw. It’s going to be a change for us, since the humans seem to have an aversion to grazing.

They have bathrooms that are different than ours, but at least they have them. I don’t know if I could just go where I stood, and there’s the issue of diet overall. I’m not sure how to say this, but they sound like carnivores. That’s what it came across as, but they didn’t look like it. The picture I saw of a human was certainly surprising. They seem to be diverse enough, but not very much at the same time.

They look like minotaurs, but it sounds like they evolved from apes and not cows, like I was led to believe. If that’s wrong and I’ve just barely started to encounter their culture, what next? Maybe the reason they don’t have a lot of grazing land is because they do graze and they wanted to make sure the photo was the best it could be.

I’m over thinking this, I know it. I’m going to take a trot when I’m done tonight and clear my head. The trot I had yesterday turned out to be a long canter that would have taken me out of town and halfway into the woods, but that’s not an issue since I generally trot to a few spots back and forth. I got a really good lather worked up and my wife wouldn’t even hug me when I got home until I was in the shower.

I was glad Lilli needed her before bed shower so we could clean each other otherwise I’d have been in there forever and have had no pony to talk with about my concerns. She’s still a filly, but I can tell her I’m nervous about what’s going to happen. She’s smart enough to understand that I was just venting to her. She likes being talked to, too. She’s a chatterbox when she gets going, but it’s only when she’s comfortable and around ponies she knows.

I’m worried how the move will affect her most of all. Blueberry is old enough to cope and Timber is still young enough to adapt to his surroundings, but Lilli seems to have a hoof in the town and might not take to the new children she meets over there. I should have thought about this a little more, but in a couple weeks we’ll be crossing the portal into a different version of our world. That leaves us with that much time to say our goodbye’s for a year and meet our Helpers.

They call the human’s that will be there to help us ‘Helpers’. What could they need to help us with? Besides the language barrier my wife and I don’t see anything going wrong. We’re nice ponies and they’ll love us. We’ll be having barbeques with everyhuman in no time. People, humans, one’s. They have a lot of ways to identify themselves, so it’ll take some effort but we’ll make it work to adapt to their culture.

Well, I guess that’s all for now. Write in ya soon.

Entry 8

On the full moon we leave. That’s right, in four days I’ll… we, my family and I, will be packed and crossing into the human earth. I heard it’s really low in magic, except in a few places. None of which we’ll be going to. So for my wife it’ll be a shock, she’s never been without magic in the environment, but we’ll be there for her. To help her through the transition from our world to theirs.

It’s almost unreal how quickly the days have flown by. One week I’m hating my job and life, wishing for anything to happen and make life worth living and then boom, a month later I’m ready to cross into another world! I haven’t even used any bad words since that one awful day. I stopped using all the words I learned, too.

We’ve become a bit of celebrities in the city, so that’s a plus. All my debts, what few I had, were wiped clean and all i have to do is tell the people on the other side about their businesses. I got to meet Princess Twilight Sparkle and she’s a lot more the nerd than rumor suggests.

She and Blueberry talked for hours about the Stratonet while the rest of us were in meetings and signing papers. Obviously the foals didn’t have to come along, they got to play with other children their ages.

We have our names as they’ll be on earth.
I’ll be which means Cinnamon.
My wife will be which means Amber.
Blueberry will be .
Lilli will be .
And Timber will be .

The names we have on earth are as close as they are to ours here, but they can’t pronounce some of our letters without hurting their throats or sounding too weird. So, that’s our family name, now. The way they speak is certainly unique. They don’t have sounds or winney's to convey emotion or level of friendship. They use words or actions as well as their fingers. Little weird things that help them interact with their world.

Their world isn’t hoof friendly, I’ve been told. More to adapt to, I guess.
Blueberry has already become a star on the Stratonet, mares across the globe are talking with him and I’ve had to invest in too much tissue as of late.

Lilli is more somber about the events, taking it in stride and making her goodbyes last as long as she can. Our family is coming from across Equestria to wish us farewell and to greet the humans that will be staying here. There are ponies from across the nation coming to see them, since they’ll be the first humans to leave the entry building ever.

I wonder what kind of fanfare we’ll have on the other side? A parade, maybe they can take our autographs and show us around the city we’ll be in. It’s certain to be a lively place since it has a university in it. Grand Forks of the Northern Dakota’s, certainly a pleasant sounding name. Maybe I can learn of the East and Western Dakota’s, too?

It’s so exciting to think about, to plan for. I even asked the tailor for a set of clothes to wear, and I don’t wear clothes at all! They offered it to our whole family for free, so we’re crossing over in style. The children, even Blueberry, have to wear dress saddles, but that’s the price to pay for fame, right?

I can’t tie my tie, not without Amber’s magic. I’m so happy she’s with me and here to help through all this, I know I seem like I’m a bundle of character and charisma lately, but without her I’d be where I was. Working a job I hate for the rest of my life. Now, I’m off to trot before supper!

Entry 9

Entry 9
Final day in Equestria

I can’t believe it’s happening tomorrow. I had a last meal with all the herd from across the land and didn’t get any sleep. None of us did. We were so excited and nervous to be the first pony family crossing over that I just don’t know what to say at this point. I got enough food to feed my family for a month, just in case the food over there isn’t safe yet.

I got a letter from Princesses Celestia and Luna wishing me well and I’m going to be receiving a stipend while we’re there. Three hundred bits a month… A MONTH! That’s what I made working two jobs back before Timber was here. I guess it’s a good thing, though. I can save whatever I can and use it to forward my children’s education, weddings, or buy a new house or a second one, for vacations!

A year from now, give or take, I’ll return to Equestria a different pony with stories that no other pony will be able to compare. I’ll be a hero to some and the envy of all others, this is what my life has been missing. I never knew it but I was missing adventure. A pony isn’t meant to wait around for something to happen and have limited experiences from a kitchen in a bar, or wherever. We need to be free to explore and roam the lands and now, Multiverse.

Oh my gosh, we’re pioneers! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before! We’re pioneers, settling a new world, as it were, for the future of ponykind. My strength can make me a great plow horse over there, maybe Amber’s magic can make her famous with the human magicians. The children are going to learn of the greatest species on another planet first hoof.

I’m a little drunk, to be honest, but it’s a good kind of drunk, since ponies can’t get drunk easily. Even Blueberry had a few with us in celebration and I think he liked it a bit. There’s nothing strong enough to get us drunk over there, so I think we over did it a bit. Amber stumbled off with a cute mare and I think she’ll have a story to tell when she gets home.

I also found out that humans are monogamous, so that’ll be an interesting sight. Only two adults per a family? I don’t know, I’ve been getting contradicting reports so I won’t take too much of it to heart. There’s a reason that we’re going over, and it’s to clear up a lot of the wrongs.

My children will be writing to Princess Twilight every other day, at least, to keep her informed on what’s happened there and once in awhile I will as well. I mean, a chance to communicate with royalty is one thing. The chance to pen pal with royalty is something completely else.

The children are nervicited to go. That’s a word Pinkie Pie taught us, along with a few other silly words. She threw the party for my family herd and it was incredible. There were balloons and cannons, cake, pie, punch and tea. I ate until I farted loudly then the party shifted to a more adult party where we began to drink alcohol and have sex.

I only got to be with a cute mare that was purple, but that’s all I remember from that moment. I hope it wasn’t the princess, I mean she… no, not going there in writing.

The party was a huge success and Pinkie knew it, we all did. I think there’s something I’m missing, though. I have the feeling that something is going to happen that we can’t predict or be ready for when we go through. I know I’ll have time to meet the humans that will be taking our place in Equestria and they are a nice family with many skills, but I worry they won’t be accepted quickly.

Ponies are very skittish at times, and if the humans are nervous it will only make it worse for everypony.

I’ve been studying with my family from the dictionary all week and we’ve gotten translation talismans as a gift from Princess Twilight, but they only work on what we know, she said. It doesn’t make much sense but it should help us at the start of our friend making over there.

Our home is actually going to be a nice human house the Helpers have set up for us and the neighbors know we’re going to be there. It’s a different world that moves at a different pace through the universe, and they have extra months that make their calendar different than ours, so it’s only early Spring season there.

I may be able to get a job farming or planting if I have to. I don’t know what I could do since humans don’t eat vegetables and I can’t rightly cook enough meat to serve them… if that’s true, even.

I have to go over there with an open mind and heart, so when we’re there we can learn about the details of them. Oh my gosh, I almost feel like a spy in a novel. Sneaking around and trying to find out information without seeming suspicious.

Anyway… Lilli was asleep before the party turned adult and Timber was too busy snacking on cake to care. I know parties have a natural flow to them, but if human parties are too different then we can’t have the children making cultural faux pas.

I took a long trot with the royal guard today and got to show them how fast I could gallop. I was fast enough to keep pace with them for a while before they passed me and left me behind for a moment. It was a good time, and I even got to spar with a guard. They use skills I wouldn’t imagine working for a pony but it was like being struck by an elephant trunk. Fluid motion and hard as a bat.

It’s a bruise I’ll wear with pride and if I have to defend my family then I’m ready to do more than scream and lead them away in a gallop. I might even stand my ground and get in a good kick or two. The humans are supposed to be peaceful, but they have a history of war and bloodshed. Ponies aren’t much better, in our own past, but Twilight warned me that they made it into an art. They even gave her a book called The Art of War, in the hopes of peace? I don’t understand but it’s not my place to understand the actions of those nobles, royalty, and ambassadors.

All I have to do is pack my bag and I’ll be ready for the ride to the Canterlot Castle where we’ll walk through the portal as a family and start a new chapter in Equestria’s history.

Entry 10 - Moving to Earth

Entry 10
Earth

I, well. What a day it’s been. So much has happened and I can’t even keep it all straight in my mind. The worlds are so similar yet different. The things we’ve seen in just a day could change Equestria forever for the better and worse. I guess I should just get to it, then? Yeah, right.

Well, my family and I got up and started our last day in Equestria in style. With a meal of the freshest oats, hay, alfalfa, and the freshest water the city had to offer. We ate more than our fill, which was kind of a bad idea because we knew we’d have to go for certain before we left and that would take a lot of time.

I kissed my family goodbye with nuzzles, hugs, and well wishes until it was time to board the chariot and leave them for a whole year. It was a quick goodbye, all around though. A few of the pegasi cousins flew beside us until the royal guards put some speed into it and left them in the wind. It was terrifying to be in the sky, moving at nearly the speed of sound in an uncovered wagon pulled by quick yoked pegasi… but the little children loved it enough and their laughter drowned out my weeping into my wife’s side.

We arrived in Canterlot and were at the castle… THE CASTLE. Where the Princesses raise and lower the moon and sun. Where most nobles have to wait to get into. Where the nation is ran! And we were just let over the walls and landed in the garden like it was no big deal. I was so excited to land I nearly missed the scenery, which was as vast and beautiful as any tapestry or painting had made it seem.

We landed and it was bumpy. I was scared one of the children may bounce out, but there’s a spell in effect for that so I shouldn’t have worried so much. I was greeted by a set of noble ambassadors and after some very professional banter between them and my wife, we were finally led to the castle itself. The doorway was larger than my house was tall and I bet the whole house could fit inside the entryway we were in. The castle was larger than it seemed and I had to remind myself that it was bigger on the inside than it let on.

The walk was long and interesting and a tour guide led the group of us to the royal chambers of Princess Celestia herself. Yeah, no big deal. Except that I really should have gone to the bathroom before we left home, but I thought I could hold it. I had the strongest urge to pee than I’d had since I was a colt and I was about to meet royalty! That just made it worse a hundred times over.

I had the mindset to ask for a bathroom break before we made it, but the bathroom was within earshot of the royal chambers so I had to be careful what sounds I made, I didn’t want to insult anypony.

When I was done I was trembling, I could practically hear my knees rattling between paces and when we got to the door it was massive and had a sun emblem on it. The door opened quietly and Princess Celestia herself walked out. I bumped my nose on the floor a little too hard as I fell into a bow and was worried I’d bloodied her floor. She told us to rise and called me one of her little ponies! My heart soared so high I could have grown wings and flown to the ceiling.

The children were nuzzled and spent a few minutes bouncing around Princess Celestia while she informed us of how proud she was of us. There were several other pony families that were going to be crossing over with us and we’d have time to meet the humans that were crossing back. When we crossed over we’d have to go into a vehicle to be transported to our new home.

Humans don’t have magic like we do, but their technology makes travel effortless, the ponies said. Princess Celestia took her leave, but made sure to nuzzle me softly with her gentle coat and soft breath… My wife punched my shoulder when the Princess had turned the corner and glared at me. What could I say or do, it was a once in a lifetime chance to nuzzle her and I think she took some advantage of it. I swear she must be in estrus because there’s no way she should smell that sweet normally.

My wife might hurt me before we go to sleep tonight… And I might like it. I haven’t fantasised about a Princess before and I don’t think she has either It’ll be a fun night and a great way to break in a new planet.

My whole family followed the Princess to the transport room and it was a room that was expanded with magic to make one room into at least three. Amber told me so, but I was too taken back by the immensity of the room. There was a glass wall two ponies high and wide that was the portal to the other side and a real human stood by a control panel. There were three other humans dressed like trees with, things, in their arms.

They didn’t smile or anything, just watched us all. The other families were talking and mingling so we joined in with them while the Princess talked with a group of pony ambassadors. We started to make friends with the other ponies and ask where they were going but it seemed like most pony families were going to be scattered across the middle of Mareica.

The humans began to talk and Celestia listened while they spoke in their language, which is called . It’s so weird to write their letters right now. I think the children will adapt before Amber and I.

Before too long, Celestia had given us a royal farewell then nodded to the human to open the portal.

The room darkened as the magic was pulled into the portal matrix and then was washed in a blue electric light. There was a tingle that went through me but it didn’t hurt, it was like Amber casting a spell on me. The portal was like looking through a window made of water and I was nervicited but that didn’t mean anything to the children.

With youthful vigor and curiosity, nearly a dozen foals darted to and through the portal while we adults screamed for them to stop as we ran after them.

It wasn’t the magical transfer we were hoping for. The epic moment where we walk through and experience the feeling of passing through realities was taken away from most of us as we focused on gathering our young and making sure to not cause any further trouble.

It took a good shout from a large human wearing a grey and white uniform to scare the foals back to and under us. Even the older colts and fillies cowered at his size and stature but we were told that he was their commander. Colonel Smith, easy enough since it seems some words of theirs are alike enough to ours, like those that mean their lot in life or those of their ancestors.

My sons had to have help readjusting their saddles, but it seemed that the saddles were a bit much on this side. Humans wear clothes, but don’t dress up as often as we do. I felt kind of embarrassed that I’d made sure to put some glitter on my neck while none of the humans wore anything more than common street clothes.

I know that they’re common clothes now, but even first seeing them all… I wasn’t impressed with what they were wearing nearly as how different they truly were. They didn’t have the same colors as ponies, but there was certainly a uniqueness that we didn’t have.

There was something I rarely paid attention to about ponies, and that’s that we have only a few different looks, physically at a basic level while these humans, even of the same family, seemed so much different from each other. It’s hard to put into writing but I guess I’m saying there’s more to them already that makes us all the more similar.

After a few goodbyes we found a human standing by a large black wagon with my name on a placard. He was dressed in black and white and looked very presentable and my family liked him right away. He helped the little ones into the wagon and closed the doors. It was bigger than it looked and was darker, too.

It came to life with a quiet roar, then it hummed as a pony was helped into the front of the wagon next to the nice looking driver. She was our translator and told us she didn’t speak much of their language, but knew the basics. We talked a little while our bags were loaded into the back of the wagon and the man closed the doors and went to the driver’s seat and moved a lever after putting a strap across his body.

We were told to stay low until we were told otherwise since there were no straps that would cross us right. It started slow, for a wagon, but soon we took a couple of soft turns and the wagon roared like a monster in the distance and was going faster than the pegasi that had brought us to the castle a few hours earlier.

It was more exciting than the chariot because it was enclosed, on the ground, and I got to see some of the Mareica landscape. It was very lush, where we were. I could see trees and shrubs everywhere, there were human houses that towered over where our houses would stand. I felt a little bad for the humans that were taking over our home, it must seem so small to them compared to their homes.

There was music playing and it was nice. I noticed violins and a cello and drums, it was a quiet symphony from the walls of the wagon itself! I was told all human wagons had that feature, and more! The windows rolled down with a switch into the door, the temperature was a nice constant temperature, and the seats were soft and comfortable.

I’d pay three thousand bits for the wagon itself in Equestria but the translator said it would cost all the bits I’d make in a lifetime if it was in Equestria. We had a laugh at talked about how much we could buy for the cost of this wagon if we sold it in Equestria, but we ran out of funny jokes quickly and relaxed into the wagon and enjoyed the view. At times it was like being in Equestria and if it wasn’t for the wagon we were in I would have thought I was on a road between cities.

It wasn’t too long before the children became hungry and we tried to say that in human, but our practice hadn’t paid off yet and the translator had to tell the driver. He slowed down and we stopped at a restaurant. It’s funny how restaurants all look the same, even between realities.

We were followed in by three humans that I didn’t know while our helpers led the way and took a table for us. They got a child chair for Timber and it was funny how he fit in it perfectly, but the rest of us had to rear up to the table when our salads came out. They were good, but not too fresh.

We were very popular there and there was a lot of humans there eating their own food like pizza and drinking sodas. I wanted pizza but we couldn’t translate that so when a pizza went by I returned to the old method of pointing and whimpering at the pan as it passed by.

People took photographs of us from their tables with human cameras. Small rectangle things, I forget the word for them at the moment. It was an easy word, too. It sounds like the word for ‘shining’ but I can’t recall it right now. We asked to be in a picture with a family and after some talking they understood and the youngest of them, a filly, hopped on my back and pulled my mane. Normally I would have shouted at her for being so rude, but I remembered that ponies and horses were dumb animals that were used as labor creatures and she didn’t know any better.

I’m glad I’m not more upsetable, or else I might have bucked her off and made a scene. As it was I knew the word for stop, so I said it firmly and she stopped pulling my mane and one of our helpers took a photograph of us with his camera and then theirs. Soon every human was in line to take a photo with us and some were being very silly while others were like nobles in their stoic professional sitting or standing around us.

The children loved the attention and so did we, to be honest. And After a little while I didn’t mind being treated as a seat for the younger humans while the others didn’t like to be ridden as much. After a while our pizza arrived and we finished the pictures and ate the pizza, it was much better than the salad and fresher, too. There were vegetables on it that I didn’t know about but were cooked perfectly.

I wanted the recipe and asked for my dictionary so I could translate the question but they wouldn’t let me get the recipe since it was protected by the law and the company. I was saddened a little but understood that if everypony knew a recipe then they wouldn’t go to the restaurant to eat.

After another bathroom break with their weird toilets that were so high we had to back onto them and have help sitting up for the mares and the colts had to stand or lay across the bowl part to pee. It made me worry for how we’d have to adapt as we went along because none of us had had to poop yet and that was going to be different and their bathrooms were small and compact compared to Equestrian ones because humans go alone for some reason.

I was glad we’d undressed before we left the wagon to eat, otherwise we’d have been in the bathroom for almost an hour trying to use the toilet with clothes on.

Overall, it was a great experience and we were very excited and had a lot to talk about for the next couple hours. The helpers and other guards were in a car behind us I didn’t notice until before when we’d gotten out to eat. Every human was nice so far and we learned a few new words, too.

All good ones, by the way. When I told our translator about the words I’d learned at work she paled slightly and said that the children shouldn’t have heard me say that. She told the human and he laughed loudly. She apparently had learned swears first, since it was funny to say when it needed to be said.

She told me she’d teach me a couple that were appropriate to use in common conversation when the children were asleep and then we just talked until the sun began to set. The driver stopped once to go to the bathroom and socialize with the other humans in the caravan and refill the wagon’s grease so it wouldn’t lock up, I guess.

A few hours later we had pulled into a hotel and were given a room with our translator and all shared a bed. Our translator’s name is Written Letter, and her talent is more about translating written languages than spoken ones, but she’s more qualified than any of us! So, that’s all we’ve done today. Tomorrow we should make it to the city by afternoon and then be settled in soon after. We won’t have our translator either after that, so we will have to wear our talismans and carry our dictionary’s in our saddlebags for when we meet new ponies people.

I’m learning a lot about humans, like they like to be called words that don’t have pony in them, obviously. Pretty much any time an adjective would use pony, use person or body. It’ll take a little bit, but we’ll figure it out. For now, I’m sleepy and ready to snuggle with my family on this bed that’s more than large enough for us to sleep on.

Traveling to Our New Home

I woke up in the hotel on the bed second, after Amber had gotten up to pee. I yawned a little too loud and woke Blueberry up then we started our day. Written Letter was the last up and she drooled a lot, it was funny to see. Timber made a child’s observation and it was a funny one about sleeping in water. After we’d all used the bathroom and helped each other get dressed in more casual traveling attire to stave the cold, we left the hotel after our Helpers had gotten the wagons ready.

The temperature had dropped overnight and while we were still warm our coats were still summer and not winter, but that’d change quick enough if it stayed cold. I didn’t want to have to shed when I moved into the new house, but it’d be okay because I wouldn’t be the only one. There’s a freshness to the air here that I can’t describe.

The planet is covered with water, unlike ours, so that may play a role in it. The children needed some time to play before we got into the wagon so while they played we went to our bags in the trunk of the wagon and that caused a stir. Our food and vegetables weren’t supposed to come over so the Helpers took them all and put them in a garbage bag before taking it into their wagon and scolding Written Letter for not asking us. I didn’t have to understand what was being said to know we’d gotten her in trouble.

She was almost ready to cry before I butted in and told him to be nice to our translator because she didn’t know and we didn’t either. The Helper stopped scolding and rubbed his head before turning away and mumbling something. Written Letter nuzzled me and thanked me, then told me to let her worry about human interactions. She’d be there for us when we got to our new house, it turns out.

There’s an office downtown that she will be at, with the Helpers, and anything my family needs they’ll help with. I thanked her and told her that we needed our pendants and we got them while the Helpers went through our other bags to make sure we didn’t smuggle anything else from Equestria.

I thought it was mean of them to think we were smugglers because it was an honest mistake and we didn’t know about trade not being negotiated yet between humans and Equestria. When we put the pendants they activated and it turns out I was wrong! The basic language was translated so when the Helpers were talking about what to do with the food we brought over Lilli said in human that we could share it.

The humans were startled that she could speak and understand at first then we told them about our pendants and that they were a gift from Princess Twilight Sparkle and maybe she didn’t know they’d be so effective. There were words that wouldn’t translate, of course. Like when I asked for a little time to groom my family before we began traveling they didn’t understand.

There’s no word for grooming to translate to because Written Letter said our word for grooming was a combination of four of their words, so there was going to be some learning that we’d still need to do. I made sure she translated that but we were told we’d have to groom in the wagon that they said was named Ford. It’s a nice name for a wagon, but I wouldn’t think to name a wagon. Humans.

We got into Ford and began the next leg of our trek and brushed and cleaned each other. We hadn’t taken a shower or bath yet on this earth so we were nervous about how it’d work since the toilet rooms were so small that we couldn’t all get in we didn’t think of how small the showers or baths were.

The one in the hotel wasn’t too small, but hotels always make things nicer than home so you’ll come back next time so the bathtubs might only be large enough for two of us at a time. That would be annoying because we can’t socialize as a family in the bath if we can’t all bathe together.

We rode inside Ford for another couple hours and talked with our driver, Carl, about earth and some of the stuff we’d see in our new home and city and he didn’t really know. He was just a driver and once we were dropped off we’d have to ask our Helpers. I forgot their names but I’ll ask again when we stop and eat.

It’ll be in a town called Fargo and that’ll be the last stop until we get to Grand Forks. I hope that we’ll be accepted quickly into human society. Amber is certain that we’ll have some challenges but I know that as long as we stay together there won’t be too much trouble.

Arriving in Grand Forks

We ate at a small restaurant in Fargo but I don’t know how to read human yet. It was a place that had lots of good vegetable options and they were sauteed and seasoned like from an exotic country! I ate my fill and a little more which was a mistake we all found out because I started farting after we were driving again in Ford. The weather was very cold because we were moving so fast and two of the windows were down to give us all fresh air.

In my defense, Lilli was farting too but children think it’s funny so she just blamed it on me whenever she let one go. I couldn’t be upset with her because I would have done the same back home, and often did. It was just revenge for her.

I expressed my nervousness with Written Letter and our driver whose name is . I like that better than the rough translation to our language that means Dirty Window Cleaner, because he was a driver and didn’t seem like one to clean windows.

We passed the first exit into the city from the speedway and it was named after the street number of 32nd. I was very excited, we all were. Even Written Letter was excited and she seemed almost too calm the whole trip. I didn’t realize until we were slowing down how fast we were going and looked around at the scenery again and it was a lot flatter than any other part of our trip up to that point.

We began to drive through the town and it was a lot like Vanhoover, in a way. A lot of snow and businesses with carriages going between them without many ponies trotting on the road at all. No, not ponies. I have to think differently, people. And they walk or run, they don’t trot or gallop. They have hands and feet and seemingly can do anything they want to, as long as they put the effort in.

Short of actual magic, that is. I noticed, also, that my wife is the only unicorn on our trip and I hope she doesn’t feel outcast. The rest of us are earth ponies, after all. We’ll support her, either way.

We went through too many turns for me to keep track of before we slowed and were shown where the local police station was and where our house was right after that. We were close enough to gallop there in a few minutes from our house. It was a duplex and we were going to have one half to ourselves while the other was housed by a family that had been there for many years.

Ford stopped and then we all became very scared and nervous because there were several people in cold weather human clothes standing around and we had to wait while the Helpers went to talk with them. They held up signs and first we thought they were welcoming us but then we didn’t know if they were telling us to go home because there was a lot of red on a banner that was behind them above our doorway into the house.

There was a people with a microphone in her hand and was talking to another people with a big box on their shoulder and we were told it was safe to come out. I went out first and had my family wait until I was ahead a bit, too see what was going on. Our pendants did little to translate all the people’s questions. They were news reporters, mostly. There were some people there that waited by the door with welcome baskets and it was a very warm welcome on such a cold day!

After we had all answered a couple questions like our names and what we were going to do first now that we were here, we were going to learn about our new home was what we said, we went into the house and it was humid and warm. Perfect!

We unloaded all our bags into the living room and spend a while exploring the house. It was two stories tall with a basement that was used for storage by the previous tenants but I thought it would make a nice place to have a small indoor garden and a place for stallions to gather and gossip.

I wondered what I was going to do for money since we weren’t going to live off the stipend, but Amber was most qualified to work here because magic was alike fingers in some ways, plus she is smarter than I am because unicorns are just smarter sometimes. I am better at some things, too. But not at math, science, astrology… all the unique stuff that unicorns are natural at. I guess I can find a job cooking or washing dishes, but I think I need a change. I’m an earth pony and I maybe can get a job doing something with the ground or as a guard for someperson important.

It turns out I was wrong about a lot of things, already. It’s early winter here, not spring. It’s colder than Vanhoover and is far more bleak feeling. Even the peoples outside seemed only happy to see us, not to experience the world around them. I don’t know why, but I think making friends on the streets isn’t going to happen until summer time and until then we’ll have to learn how humans socialize.

We’ll have to learn as we go and set rules appropriate for our foals to follow. I know they’re old enough to not be considered foals, but they’ll always be our foals, no matter how old they get or what choices they make.

I was embarrassed to ask, but I wonder what the rules about sex are here. I know they’re different across our world, so they’re certainly different here. It’s a law, I’m certain, that clothes have to be worn at all times so I might have to find a tailor that will make enough clothes for us. There’s so much to do, I now realize, that I should have been told about before we crossed over.

Our helpers are only helpers, not foalsitters, and we don’t need to be foalsat, we’re old enough to run a business and buy a house, we can certainly figure this weird planet out.

Anyway, after we picked our rooms, since Amber and I wanted some space to ourselves and the children picked the room across the hall we all had an extra room that we decided to use for grooming and relaxing. There are spa’s in town here, but they’re not made for ponies. Either way I’m scheduling a session and we’ll see how they do. I need a good grooming and my hooves have been a bit sore since we got here. The lack of ground and more rock had made me stomping more than usual. I guess I should get some shoes put on, especially if it’s supposed to start snowing soon.

I don’t see it getting too bad, though because with all their technology I’m certain the humans control the weather as well as pegasi do back home.

Dinner was our vegetables and fruits we brought with us. It seems that there was a limited travel permit for us to bring a traveling meal since that’s how we do it in Equestria. They accepted our traveling customs so I accepted theirs and we all wore our scarves and boots to supper. The helpers and everyone said that we hadn’t needed to so we took off our boots but left on our scarves.

It was messy for Lilli and Timber because they kept wiping their muzzles on their scarves so when we were done we scolded them and asked where the washing basin was. THere was a machine for doing laundry called a washer machine and all we had to do was put the scarves in and tap the soap button on a bottle on a shelf above the washer and it dropped liquid soap into the basin and we closed the lid and pushed a button to turn it on and then that was it!

Human’s have it so easy, it’s like they do have magic of their own through technology in ways ponies have yet to even imagine. There was nowhere to hang the clothes outside because the cold, but there was a drying machine and our helpers said they’d stay a whole day with us to answer any and all questions they could as well as teach us some basics on their technology.

Amber adapted very quickly while the children played in their room and Blueberry tried to connect his portable Stratonet connector thing to the earth Stratonet, but he was told the human Stratonet was different and needed to be set up still because they didn’t know we used Equestria’s version of it since it was still so new.

We had a computer, that’s what they’re called, in each of our rooms and we only had to talk to them and they would even talk back to us in human since there wasn’t an Equestrian translator inside it, I guess.

We all took turns talking to it and it would write everything we said like we all had magic and Amber was very impressed. She got her own telegraph they call a fohn and she used her magic with it and it has human numbers on it and pushing them in order telegraphed her VOICE to another fohn in the kitchen! It was more convenient than the Stratonet communicators.

It was so much fun to talk to each other from all over the house we could have just played with that but it needed to be plugged in or the battery would die.

We learned that the shiny black space on the wall wasn’t a portal to somewhere but was called a telegraph vision, or TV for short. It showed us plays and all kinds of things and it was amazing. Lilli said the helpers took a picture of us watching the TV all at the same time and when I asked them if they had they said they had because it was the cutest thing they’d seen in awhile.

Other than that the rest of the night was uneventful and we just got ready for sleep in our beds. There was a bed in each room large enough for my whole family to sleep on but we still split into our own rooms and the helpers slept in the extra room between our rooms and they didn’t sleep together because that wasn’t human custom. Merry got to sleep in the bed and Brint got to sleep on the floor and they were happy that way.

We all have our own notepads to write in to learn our human letters and they’re not too tough, it seems. It’ll be easier than learning unicorn, that’s for sure.

First Day

Amber woke me up a couple times in the night because there were other Ford’s driving around the streets at night and she could hear them because some of them were as loud as monsters and one sounded like it was farting. That one I got up for and was going to check on the foals but Amber reminded me it was just another Ford outside.

The noises here are gonna take awhile to get used to. There’s no clopping of hooves, no squeaking of wagon wheels, no peaceful silence besides the wind in the night. The world even feels to move differently and when we woke up today we noticed it a lot more since there’s no natural magic to fill us Amber cast a levitation spell on us and we felt better but we weren’t going to do that again.

We couldn’t rely on her magic to get us by and it would help us appreciate Equestria more when we go back.

What happened was just that we were more tired than we usually were, but it was noticeable enough to worry Amber and I. After we helped each other go to the toilet we went down stairs and while Amber started a breakfast I decided I’d go for a trot and see the area. We weren’t told not to!

I started from our house and decided a lap around the block would be a great start and began southward. It was bitterly cold and my scarf did nothing to help but I knew a good pace would warm me up and I made it to the first corner and turned left. There wasn’t a single human to be seen on my whole lap. I didn’t even see another Ford anywhere that was being used.

I got back to our door and wasn’t feeling exercised yet so I took another three laps around the block before I felt the cold freezing the lather on my body so I went in the house and collapsed inside the doorway once it closed and everypony and our helpers came to help me and they said I was too cold and Amber calmed the helpers while she picked me up and took me to the bathtub before I became hypothermic.

I didn’t feel that bad while I was trotting but the warmth of the house helped me understand the cold that was outside. It had snowed a little but I didn’t see anything wrong with that but I found out from Written Letter that the temperature scale they use is similar to Celestia Standard called Celsius. It was -20 degrees C!

They have to warn us about that because I didn’t know that. I would have worn more layers for my trot had I known. She put me in a cool shower and joined me, rubbing me with her hooves until I warmed enough for the water to be warmed up and then she washed me properly. The shower wasn’t large enough for us all to fit, but the children could go as a group and Amber and I could go together.

Our helpers were worried and said they had called a doctor, named Vet, that had experience with equines and they said that Amber was doing what was right and that if anything else happened to call another person named Vet. It must be a doctor title here. Anyway, after the shower I felt a lot better and kind of in the mood for sex so when I asked Amber the helpers left quickly and Amber shook her head and hushed me. She had a feeling sex was taboo on this world so we couldn’t just talk about it or have sex just out of the way. We’d have to be discreet like at a party or something.

I guess that made sense since humans seem to be a lot more reserved than ponies. We helped each other dry off with some nice towels that were our colors and made it easy to tell who had what because hers was a dark amber color and mine was brown. They were very fluffy and when we got out of the bathroom the children were ready to take their turn and asked if I was better.

I told them I was, but I still wanted some sex and Lilli said she could help and I scolded her. She’s not only too young but is direct family. I was glad she didn’t have her pendant on or the helpers would have understood her and that might have been uncomfortable since everything seemed to be taboo to these creatures.

But, these are the only people we’ve really met so we can’t judge them all based on a couple of them, so we decided that sex was not going to be discussed anymore and then let the children into the bathroom and went down to breakfast.

Oats, a small fruit salad, juice, and coffee awaited me and I gobbled it up quickly. I didn’t realize how hungry I was, but I think the long night plus the cold exercise had made me hungrier than I’d thought. Amber ate quietly and refined like while the helpers chose to pass on the meal and we saved their plates for the children while making one more for Timber.

They came to breakfast still damp and Amber scolded them this time for not drying properly and they apologized but had gotten hungry after sex in the shower and I facehoofed and Amber groaned loudly and the helpers gasped. They had their pendants on so we had to explain that they were just learning and wouldn’t get pregnant so there wasn’t any reason to worry but Amber and I were taken aside and told that youth having sex wasn’t okay with humans so if it’s our culture we’d have to keep it secret.

We understood because a lot of cultures had their customs that were weird or taboo to others like how gryphons would kill deer or ponies that wandered into their territories and would share the… kill with their families and no pony would know who it was but the gryphons would send some bones back to the nearest pony police station as a warning but no pony could ever know what the warning was or where the boundaries were.

That’s why ponies travel in groups with written letters from guards or government to pass but will still be hassled by mean gryphons or have to pay a fee to some others.

After breakfast and explanations were over we had a talk with the children that sex was taboo here and that if they had any they couldn’t talk about it outside the house and if they did it’d have to be in Equestrian, and by no means were they to have it in any public place!

They nodded and understood and Blueberry rolled his eyes and told us that he was over practicing ever since he became a teen and already was having mares in the streets offering themselves to him. I was upset hearing that because he probably had been with a few random mares but we didn’t want to have that talk until later, especially since we weren’t going to be around horny females for a long time.

Human sex was a curiosity so we were really excited to learn about it, but we chose to ask later. A lot later.

We bundled up and left the house and the area was more alive than it was and there were Fords being used and they were all different shapes and sizes and they had a lot of the same road rules as we did in Equestria so I guess logic is logic. Amber helped Timber into our Ford and then Lilli before climbing in herself and then we were taken to the police department to meet some important police officers then we had our pictures taken because they said if anything happened to us they needed photographs of us.

We had our pictures taken when we’d first crossed over after we got the children together and calmed down. I was very happy to have met them and then they took us into the basement and showed us how some of their weapons worked, just for fun.

They have a projectile weapon called a gun that is very loud and can kill a pony in a single shot and a weapon that’s like a lightning spell that Amber knows. I volunteered and it was a lot like the spell she used sometimes in bed, only stronger and I fell over and twitched and the children laughed while Amber told them to turn it up.

It was a very funny moment for everypony except me, because I was the one that was shocked. There wasn’t any damage done, but I was kind of aroused and was glad I was wearing my tunic or else the people would have seen my penis extend and that would have been very embarrassing because I’d be breaking their taboo.

After I relaxed a little and was okay to walk normally again we left the police station with a donut for each of us and went to see the town. The first thing we did was just rode around and looked at the streets and asked questions as we went. Written Letter listened but was in the back row of seats with the younger children and just kept an eye on them because they were too excited and kept pawing at the windows and screaming and playing around.

I had to lie to them to have them calm down by telling them they wouldn’t get any dessert after lunch if they didn’t stop. They listened and Amber nuzzled me and told me I was a smart father for thinking of that on the spot because they were becoming out of hoof. We rode in Ford for a while before we stopped at a light and another Ford stopped next to us and Amber opened the window with the window switch and said hello to the people in the next wagon over.

The people overreacted a bit, I think, because they started yelling to each other and finally opened their window to take photos of her inside our Ford before our helpers rolled the windows up and began to drive Ford ahead again and Amber took off her pendant and began talking about how silly the humans were and how simple they must be but Written Letter and I told her to stop insulting them in Equestrian and that we’d have a hard time making friends if she talked like that about them and began to think that about them.

They were allowing us to stay here, after all. But I didn’t want to remind her of that, so I just pointed to her pendant and frowned at her until she put it back on. We drove to a barn as large as some towns, I swear it was! We opened Ford’s door and all hopped out and it wasn’t AS cold as it was in the morning but we kept on our cloaks and scarves because a single gust of wind can change everything.

When we gathered and took in the location of Ford so we could find it later we began to walk to the entrance of the barn that turned out to be a marketplace named Walls Mart. People were looking at us a lot when we were walking in and an older woman screamed when we crossed in through the outer doors because she wasn’t expecting to see five ponies. She didn’t wait for our apology or explanation and left the other sliding door and was gone.

Our helpers told us to not worry and this was just to teach us how to shop and Written Letter nuzzled Timber who asked why she was so scared of us. We got a couple carts and they’re not very pony friendly because they’re so tall and we’re only kinda tall if we stand on our hind hooves we’re as tall as the average human mare woman.

Our helper, Merry, took a cart and put the foals into it and pushed that one while us larger ponies walked beside a cart pushed by Brent. His name is Brent, not Brint. We’re studying, see! We got a lot of looks and I kind of felt like a star that everyone had to see to believe because a lot of people would follow us from aisle to aisle and take our pictures and I could tell they couldn’t believe they were really seeing us.

The foals waved while Blueberry took a more prance to his step and I had to remind him human women didn’t find ponies sexy, no matter how high they held their tails or how large their penises are. He wasn’t deterred and made a point to go to one woman that was taking a photograph of us on her fohn and asked her name and if she liked homemade salads and then started talking about how I was a world famous chef in Equestria and I wanted to die of embarrassment but Mom stepped in and pulled his ear with her magic and scolded him quietly in Equestrian before excusing our son from their conversation and rejoining us.

Blueberry turned a little purple with his blush but I think it put him in his place. We walked the isles and there were canned foods just like at any grocery store so we gathered what we’d need for a day and were told to buy for the week since it would be too much to come to Walls Mart everyday. We asked a couple questions about what the meats were and everyone was surprised we wanted to know and I think everyone was relaxed when we found out that equine weren’t eaten hardly at all on the planet, especially in Mareica. I like the way these people respect us by not eating our dumb cousins.

We left the meat area and went to cheeses and then eggs and got enough to last two weeks! It stays fresher here with their electric iceboxes so we went a little heavy on cheese and bread. Then we got some various candies and chocolates from the sweets aisle before moving on to shoes, just for fun. There were diapers and baby clothes, human baby clothes, that wouldn’t help us at all, but the diapers might be useful if Timber wets the bed from nerves.

We’ll keep that in mind, but mares and shoes? It has to happen, I guess. The common human shoes seem to be what we’d pay top bits for during winter. Brand name stuff, too! I was expecting to see Rarity’s cutie mark stamped on the sole of some of them but they just had tread. Some were made from hide, so that was enough to keep me from trying any on but the girls didn’t care because they were having fun so we waited until they’d found several pairs that matched and they could wear through winter and that were made from cloth.

We passed the technology center and Blueberry was lost there for a minute before we decided that we’d be here all day if we chose to look at everything they had and they’d have more when we came back next time. He was sad, but understood and we went through the toys aisles and let the foals play with some of the human toys and Blueberry was very interested in some of the fluffy dolls they had. He liked one that was like a puppy the most and it was a cute yellow so we got it for him.

Each of the children picked out three toys for their room and then we went on to the books and were very disappointed because there weren’t many but there were some that would help us learn English, the local human language, so we put those in the cart with the foals and they looked at a book while we looked at whatever we passed.

A herd of ponies could build a town with the tools and equipment they had here, and there are places that are just as large and are markets only for building houses so this town could build a whole pony town! It’s incredible to think about and I like building stuff almost as much as I like cooking so maybe I can help build a human house and see how our homes compare.

We went through another aisle that was full of towels and mats and bought several fun and fluffy towels and some sticky things so our hooves wouldn’t slip on the bathtub floor and then we went through the pets aisle.

It was okay, mostly for cats and dogs. I wanted to get a fun chew toy that was made for a dog so I got three and told the foals to have fun while we shopped and they chewed on them for a long time making fun squeaking noises. We got bathroom stuff like toothpaste and toothbrushes for us all, a lot of shampoo and conditioner, several brushes, and Amber got some makeup to see how it worked on ponies.

We also got a couple nail files since we’d need to care for our hooves until we got to a ferrier and I was pretty good at hygene.

We went to a long line and waited for a very long time and we kept asking why there weren’t more merchants at their stalls and we were told that that was how it is at Walls Mart, never enough checker outers. We made small talk with people around us and we told them we were real ponies from Equestria and that we were here for a year.

They hoped we were going to survive the winter and I didn’t know what to say so I just told them that we were weather tough ponies and they laughed. We laughed too since it was a funny thing to say.

We had our pictures taken more and we have our autographs to a few people that had paper and … ink pencils? Pencil quills?

They were impressed with our mouth writing but when Amber took one in her magic everyone was amazed and asked her to start lifting other things.

She politely declined since she didn't want to be a sideshow act and our helpers showed us how to use a plastic rectangle to purchase our items because human money is more complicated and the rectangle, a credit card, holds the human money.

It's complicated but I'll figure it out soon. I like learning about trade, outs in my nomadic blood.

Everyone wished us well and we left the walls
Walls Mart with our helpers and they loaded our purchased goods into Ford and we all got in and talked all the way back to our home about shopping at the market and how different it was from a normal pony market.

When we got back to our home we went in and met our neighbors and they were very friendly and gave us a book called The Bible and said they would like to talk with us about it.

We were a little nervous because it was a religion and we weren't too big on that. Celestia didn't like to be thought of as a goddess even though she technically is and we don't have to worship her which is nice.

We just appreciate all she does to run our nation and raise the sun to keep harmony with the night.

After we said our goodbyes to our neighbors who were named Lynn and Monica we unloaded our groceries and our helpers gave us each a fohn and told us all we had to do was talk to them and they'd help us.

Our computers were connected to the human internet and when we were alone we took off our pendants and talked about telling our neighbors that we didn't really want to read their book.

Also we couldn't read human yet so it wouldn't really work too well for us to discuss it when we didn't know about it.

Amber said she would humor them for a while and maybe if it turned out to be a good book then we'd all go over it together. We all agreed it was a good idea and went to the TV and watched a couple human shows.

Humans talk with a lot of grunts in their words, which is easy for us to do but they can't whinney so we can't either. We have learned some basic human customs are a lot like ponies, too.

Like hoof bumping and greeting each other with a smile. Amber said that if she was going to be here she'd have to use her magic less because humans flocked her when she signed her name but didn't when she ate the pizza with her mouth like she always does.

After we watched TV some we took time to write about our days in our journals before it was time to start lunch.

Amber started the salad while me and Blueberry made drinks of fresh juice and helped open a can of beans that were way too watery for our salad but Amber used before I could stop her.

Timber and Lilli played in the living room and came promptly when we called them to eat.

We all washed our hooves properly and I thought about filling my hooves tonight after our meal.

We talked and laughed while we ate and all helped clean up before Blueberry went into the computer and started talking to it in Equestrian and was embarrassed when we have him a pendant.

After that we practiced our human writing and speaking for a couple hours since the human internet wasn't in contact with Princess Twilight’s Stratonet.

We didn't know what to really do before super since it was a few hours away so we decided we’d go for a walk around the area and look at the local sites. We made certain to bring our coats and scarves and we left the house after saying goodbye to Lynn and Monica and letting them know we were going out. It’s always safest to tell your neighbors you’re leaving incase something happens or somepony comes by looking for you.

We went a few blocks and didn’t really see anything besides more houses and so many wagons Fords being driven by people that would stop to look and take photographs of us. One person shouted hello to us from a red light and we greeted them back. They were nice and greeted us to earth and Grand Forks before closing their window and driving away. We read some of the street signs but the didn’t mean anything to us because even though we could read the words the translation didn’t carry over well. Or maybe they did and we just couldn’t understand… I’ll have to talk with somehuman about it.

We turned a corner and then found a park behind a fence that was open so we let the children play there for a little while, there wasn’t any grass to sit on and we didn’t want to freeze our docks, so we waited while Lilli and Timber played on the human playground. It was similar to a pony playground but there wasn’t much area to run around in and the fence made it feel kind of closed off.

I think human children don’t know that Ford’s are dangerous so that’s why the playgrounds are fenced in behind metal that looks like chicken wire. I really don’t think this is a chicken playground, after all.

The children finally got thirsty so we started back home and when we got there Amber took them inside to get them fresh water. I’m glad they have working tap water, otherwise sharing a well would become a bother. Small towns like Ponyville use wells still but once it grows into a city they’ll need proper and more practical ways to get water.

We went the other way down our street and were pleased to see some cobblestone streets and not just the weird rocky roads humans used for driving Ford’s around. We crossed a street and started walking down the road and a small Ford honked at us so we moved aside and waved it by. The driver was surprised to see we were smart, I guess, because she stopped her Ford to take photographs of us and then another Ford honked at her and she started to move again.

We’re getting used to the attention and Amber had taken a hat to cover her horn because she didn’t want to have to worry about being gawked at on such a cold day. We were just warm enough from our walking and coats and scarves, but we weren’t really seeing anything yet so we turned to go back home.

The rest of the evening we studied more about human culture and tried to figure out how our calendars matched up, but it was off just enough to not work and when we figured out our ages on earth we were all younger than we should have been. Amber said she liked earth more because of that but I don’t think she needs to be younger to be beautiful.

Supper finally came and we took off our pendants and tried talking in English and we were pretty bad and couldn’t understand each other well and we kept looking into our dictionaries but we were learning what foods were called and translated them to Equestrian and back to English until we knew how to say everything that was on our plates and in our cups… at least I think we learned them well enough.

We played some cards games since human numbers were simple to learn and their cards only went to ten with some letter cards and they have the same four suits, so that made it easier to play go fish and pinochle with the foals. We helped the foals with their homework because we forgot to do it while we were learning about earth and even though we’re here now Equestrian studies are still important.

We all took our turns in the shower and I told the children to make sure to wash under their tails and inside their ears and not to use the bathtub as a toilet.

We tucked the little ones in while Blueberry went onto the computer and started talking to it and asking it questions about what to do for fun in our new city.

Amber and I went to the living room to watch more TV and learn what we could by watching different shows but a lot of them were too violent or confusing for us so we looked until we found a show about humans that dress their foals like princesses and parade them around like show ponies. Diamonds and Tiara’s, I think was the show name and we watched it and talked in bed about how we might have to do that with our children if it’s human culture to show children off like they were playing princess.

Tomorrow will be another day, though.

I’ve never written so much in a journal, so I think I’ll summarize from now on because I don’t think everything needs to be written down, except for when I write Princess Twilight Sparkle. She wants to know everything so I’ll do my best for her.

Day 2

Day 2 January 11 2016 Moonday

We found the weather device by the front window and their degrees celsius was close enough to our temperature so we decided to use the human temperatures and it was still far below freezing when Amber and I woke up. I wanted to go for a morning trot, but it wasn’t worth freezing if I wore too little or overheating if I wore too much. At this temperature the best thing is to stay inside, so we started breakfast and turned on the TV to a music channel that played a nice concert while we cooked.

Amber still thinks she’s a fantastic cook like I am, but she’s not and I have to remind her what not to add to food or it won’t taste very good at all. She’s a very smart pony, but mostly when it comes to books and science, not food. But I didn’t say that!

We woke the children up from their sleep and Blueberry had fallen asleep on the floor by the bed because he didn’t want to wake the foals and that was nice of him, but kind of foolish because if we hadn’t turned on the furnace he would have been very cold. Thanks to our TV watching we learned that not all Ford’s are named Ford. They all seem to have their own name so we all felt foolish because we thought it was a translation for wagon but it was the type of wagon, an esyouvee, Blueberry told us.

They work by using controlled explosions to move around. It sounds very dangerous to me, but he said that they rarely exploded in real life and were safer and stronger than any pony wagon would ever be… at least as far as we know. The Princesses had pretty powerful magic so maybe they could enchant a wagon to be strong and safe. I don’t know why they would, but whatever.

The foals did more schoolwork while Blueberry watched TV and Amber and I spent time talking with the computer and learning what we could about local customs with foals and introductions and we were happy we wouldn’t have to parade them around in saddles and bridles. Human shows are just that, shows.

We made sure to let the foals know to not trust everything that happened on the TV and they understood pretty quickly that a show is like a play and shouldn’t be taken too seriously and to avoid certain channels until we figured out what shows were about human violence. We don’t want them to think violence is okay here, even if it is.

We played cards and wasted time until it was almost lunch and weren’t too happy to have done nothing because of the cold and us not knowing where anything was so we skipped lunch and drank lots of water and bundled up warmly, then went for a family trot through the downtown areas. The streets had no humans but cars that made a lot of smoke when they drove that smelled pretty bad. We walked to a car gas station and went in to warm up and were yelled at at first because they didn’t know we were smart and wouldn’t pee on their floors.

They were nice to us after we told them our names and said we were going to buy something and then we picked some soda called Monster and chips and paid for them with our credit card then left the station and were warm enough to enjoy our snacks. Well, enjoy is a strong word. The chips were good but the Monster was bad.

It lived up to its name but we didn’t want to throw it away and waste it so we tried to drink it but only Blueberry liked it and finished the last half of it.

We continued in the direction that most of the cars went and found a lively area that was the downtown. There was snow falling now so we looked for a nice place to warm up and socialize with the locals and found a small restaurant that served sandwiches named Subway. There were a few people there so we each went to a different table and started talking with them and they were all very nice and talked with us and when a new person came in they saw us and turned around and left right away.

That didn’t bother us because we were making new friends and soon we had all their fohn numbers and they had ours and we were excited to meet some of them later in the week at a place called The ‘Kay because it was a place to hang out, but foals weren’t allowed so we needed to find a foalsitter for our littlest ones and Blueberry was old enough to come along.

Blueberry was quite the chatterbox compared to normal and was talking with several tables going between them all and garbling his words when he tried to talk too fast and the translator couldn’t keep up, so we told him to slow down but he started talking really fast and we were kind of worried so we decided food would help him.

We ordered a sandwich each with the little ones splitting one and we ate them at a booth that was a little too small for us all so I just stood on my hind legs and ate at the end of the table until a person gave me their chair to sit on and they left and ruffled my mane. I hadn’t had my mane ruffled by hands before and it kind of felt nice.

The Subway was full of people having lunch and getting out of the cold so as we left we thanked the cooks and told them how good the food was and we smiled for a few photographs as we left.

It was snowing lightly still, and it was really cold but we had full bellies and each other so it wasn’t that bad. We stayed close together though because there were some gusts of wind that almost took our hooves from under us as we explored the streets until we came to a coffee shop called the Urban Stampede and we liked the name so we went in and were told to leave because they weren’t going to serve animals and as we were leaving another person stopped us and apologized for the clerk's attitude and told us about the history of the coffee shop and he was a manager there and was going to give us a discount on our coffee.

We thanked him but said we’d already had coffee in the morning and too much coffee was bad for a pony and probably a person, too. But we ordered tea and he gave us a nice place to sit so while we waited we took our coats off and our scarves and relaxed as soothing human music played but didn’t talk because there wasn’t much to say. We got our cups of tea and they had bags on strings full of tea leaves… just like back home. The similarities were glaring sometimes.

Amber kept her hat on because she didn’t want to make a fuss and drank like an earth pony, with her hooves, because she said it was nice to do things the earth pony way sometimes. Gosh I love her.

We drank our tea while the foals drank some of our tea but had their own hot chocolates, on the house, and we talked with a couple of the other people there about life in Grand Forks and one of them, a woman named Debbie, said there wasn’t much to do during winter unless you had a love of the snow.

I didn’t, but the children liked it enough and Amber had grown up helping with Winter Wrap Up in Ponyville so she didn’t mind the snow, but the cold was what we all didn’t like, especially since we didn’t have our winter coats.

We explained what we meant by not having winter coats and the clerk that was rude to us before scoffed and said if we shed he’d have to clean it and would put it in our next drinks. He was scolded in the back room and quit on the spot after that. I would have felt bad for someone losing their job, but he was a verlion that needed to get a job more suiting.

There was a rush starting and the other clerks were very busy making coffee and other drinks so we finished our drinks and bundled up again and as we were leaving several teenage humans stopped us and started asking us all about Equestria and we decided to explain what we could and we had lost our seats to a group of other humans so we apologized and said there wasn’t space to talk and they asked us if we had a Facebook.

They laughed when Amber asked why we’d put our faces in a book and then used their fohns to show us that it was like the Stratonet chat and we could hold conversations there and several of them asked if we needed one set up and that they’d love to help us but there were too many to take back home and we didn’t want to be a bother to our neighbors or invite a troublemaker into our house because there’s always one, so we said we’d think about it and we got some of their fohn numbers and bumped hooves to hands, which wasn’t as weird as I thought it would be, and left.

We didn’t talk the rest of the way back home but once we got inside we all talked over each other while we undressed and got to the bathroom to use the toilets and we were able to use them by ourselves now because we’d been practicing but they weren’t stallion friendly. These were obviously designed by mares, human ones. Women.

We called a couple of the people and they were surprised to hear from us so soon and we had to send the children to watch TV while we talked with our humans over our fohns before we invited them over. Only Amber’s friend had said yes and it was a nice woman and she said she’d bring her husband and children and we’d have a night of it.

We were very happy to hear that and made sure to clean the areas they’d see very well and made sure to wash our hooves from the walk we’d taken before we started with the party. We didn’t have any of the usual party supplies and the computer said the shop for party supplies was on the other side of town which was an hour gallop, one way!

We chose to do a more refined party and set the children in their room with their toys and Blueberry was going to be using the computer while Amber and I entertained our guests. We prepared snacks of a variety of vegetables and a can of mixed fruit that smelled too sugary but if the humans made it, they must like it that way…

We didn’t have any meat, though, so we just decided we’d apologize to them and hope we weren’t too rude for not having meat for them. The sandwiches we had were vegetables and cheese, of course, but meat was an option, too, and we hadn’t taken it. Pony’s can eat meat in a lot of ways, but too much and we’ll get sick and that’s not fun or good.

When they came over the woman, Sarah, was happy to see us and she introduced us to her husband, Stephan. They had a child that was about Blueberry’s age and was a girl named Nirah, while the next youngest was a boy named Daniel and was young enough to have fun with our foals so we split up and Amber led the children to their respective groups and I sat and snacked on some carrots while Sarah and Stephen asked me what we thought of earth so far.

I said I hadn’t seen enough to make a fair guess, but it was cold here and that made them laugh because it was nice, they said. Amber returned and bumped me so I’d stop looking so confused. Humans don’t have fur and it’s cold, really cold, so how is it nice? They said you get used to it and that was true, we just hadn’t adapted yet.

Amber used her magic to pick up some celery and Sarah was amazed and Stephan was too. They asked a lot of questions about basic magic and Amber answered the best she could, which was impressively boring to me, before she started having fun and the vegetables on the tray started dancing with each other in the air between us.

Amber reset the vegetables and we all started talking about the weather, because we didn't understand why humans wanted it so cold that the ground froze a leg deep, at least.

They explained that humans didn't have control of the weather and it was because the planet was getting cooler and hotter in the wrong places and we were kind of lucky because a decade ago it was warmer but the snow was so deep we wouldn't have been able to move around unless we were in the roads and twenty years ago the whole area was flooded because the snow was so much that it was almost as deep as houses.

We explained how Winter Wrap Up worked in Equestria and they were hopeful that maybe we could fix earth before something bad happened, but it isn't our responsibility to fix a whole planet that somepony else messed up, is it? Maybe when we're all friends and living in harmony we can work out smaller details. And that seems to be more of a pegasi problem than am earth pony problem.

Sorry Amber, but unicorns could have to help more than we do, but we'll see and hope that peace will work and we can have open trade. I know many ponies that would love to farm or manage a new world.

We checked on the young periodically and Blueberry was setting up a Facebook with Not an and he said he'd explain it to us later.

The younger ones were playing wagons and bandits in their room with Daniel as a wagon driver keeping ahead of the bandits. After we had a dinner that we knew our guests didn't enjoy that much we wished them fair travels under a sky full of light and then cleaned up after ourselves and made sure the children cleaned up their room and made their beds before they brushed and got ready for bed.

Lilli and Timber were asleep as fast as we liked them to be; right after we tucked then in. Blueberry showed us what Facebook was and how to use it and we decided one was enough for all of us and we'd just talk to anyone and tell them who was talking to the computer to talk to them, unless they wanted to fohn us.

Humans seemed to like to send telegrams over their fohns more than talk over them. Blueberry showed us that our fohns have a lot of stuff in them like calculators and alarms and even how to take our own photographs.

All we have to do is look at something and say cheese in human and it will take a photograph without any paper or ink at all! We're going to spend time on Facebook finding our human friends and some time to learn more about our fohns now. Today was very eventful, so tomorrow will be better!

Day 3

Day 3
Toosday January 12

We were in for a shock later in the day but it started fine enough. We got up, made our beds and made sure the rooms were tidy before we went downstairs to start breakfast.

We had some cans of tomato so we opened them and used them as our juice while we ate oats and eggs and some of the leftover vegetables from our guest party last night.

It was still bitterly cold out so I thought about turning one of the rooms into an exercise room with a few weights and treadmill. I hope they have those here.

We watched TV and last track of time and before we knew it it was nearly 10 in the morning. We decided to bundle up and go to the downtown again and see if our friends were at the Subway.

We put on our pendants and got dressed we were leaving our side of the house when I tripped over a bible that was left at our doorstep. We took it inside and put it on a bookshelf with the other one and decided we needed to learn to read human as well as get more books.

A few human children books to help us learn and dictionaries weren't going to help us in the long term. We made it to Subway and when we started taking and listening they couldn't understand us.

We took out our dictionaries and used what little human we could but we couldn't talk with them and most of our friends weren't there anyway.

We took too long to order our sandwiches by pointing and saying what we wanted in Equestrian before practicing the human words for them.

We thanked the cooks and sat at a table and practiced the words, poorly, until a woman came over and spoke to us and gave is a card and told us her name is Omara.

We took her card and put it in my saddlebag since I was the only one wearing them and went back home to quiz each other and watch TV. We found stations that were obviously made for children and we watched the shows to learn how the words work.

We didn't understand well but we practiced the words a lot. We spent time between shows taking with human words that didn't go together but we got some sounds better.

Pôlta is , for example. But that only applies to a certain context like is how we say pôlta ëå. And there are a lot of grunt kind of sounds that are silly but necessary.

We called Written Letter and explained that we had to start at the beginning for human since the magic had worn off, even though we didn't know it would, and she said that we will have to take a language class.

It turns out a lot of the world doesn't speak one language and they have classes to teach English to others. So our helpers said they would set it up for us all and let us know when we could start, but to not get our hopes up because it could be weeks and that made us nervous.

We ate our sandwiches from Subway for a late lunch and practiced English the whole day until we couldn't think anymore and decided to watch TV.

We didn't get lost in the various shows this time and spent time playing with each other and reading our various books on earth, which were very lacking.

America, it's called, is not the whole of earth as it seemed, but a piece of it. Several continents, each with their own laws and cultures is enough to give a dozen ponies a dozen lifetimes worth of study!

Amber and Lilli were progressing best through a few phrases we thought were more common like ‘where's the bathroom’ and ‘it's nice to meet you friend’.

We were able to find a basic Equestrian to English translator in the internet, but they didn't have our letters, just or words in their letters. That was good, though, because it was more practice.

By suppertime we were done practicing and rehearsing so we started talking in Equestrian until we got a phone call from Written Letter telling us that our helpers had gotten us an English tutor.

She’s going to stop by tomorrow morning and her name is Melody, which means Harmonic Tones in Equestrian so we like her already. We didn't spend any more time talking in English because our heads were tired and the foals got to skip their homework because they'd studied so well through the day.

We took showers and went to bed kind of early, but we were excited to meet Melody.

Sex with Amber was relaxing and great as usual, two minutes this time. Not too shabby!

Day 4

Day 4
Wedsday January 13

I woke up first and went to the toilet by myself. I feel so foalish saying that, but the human toilets aren't made with stallions in mind. I went down stairs and started our coffee and set out the cups and turned on the TV so I could listen and watch something while I cleaned up under some stuff.

The electricity pipes have small funnels that technology plugs into and I made sure to clean them out very well with soap and water because we don't want them to clog and for the technology to stop working.

It took a long time for the funnels to dry completely so I had almost everything unplugged by the time I was done and I was very proud of myself for having done such a good job.

I went to wake up the foals and Blueberry before I nuzzle Amber awake and she kissed me, which was nice. The foals used the bathroom and were downstairs promptly and watching TV like good foals and Blueberry was on the computer talking English with the computer.

Amber made a small salad for each of us with oats and berries we'd bought at Walls Mart and we had a can of tomato sauce as our drink again.

We talked about what there was to do when it was so cold and since we didn't really know anypony, person yet and we couldn't speak English well we wondered why we had rushed to come over here. It was summer in Equestria and it's winter here.

We talked about fun winter activities like building snow ponies but there wasn't enough snow and it wasn't right for that. We talked about ice skating and that sounded fun. But we didn't bring ice skates so we'd have to see what they had as far as sports stores here and if they even had them or any selection.

There was a knock on our door and we were very excited to meet Melody but it was Lynn, giving us another bible. He talked some but realized we didn't understand him and he was a bit frustrated before he left our doorstep and returned home.

I put the bible with the others and we decided that we were going to have enough kindling to start two dozen fires before the season was over at the rate they gave these books away.

But that's just a joke, burning books is wrong. We can resell them to a book trader for a few more bits on our credit card. The foals played with their toys and there was another knock on our door and this time Amber answered the door.

The woman was tall and her skin was very pale, like most of the people we'd met, but I had only just noticed that she was pretty, for a human. She had a nice figure and her hips were very nice, too.

Amber welcomed Melody in and Melody giggled when Amber took her coat off with her magic and hung it by the door on the hat rack. We introduced ourselves with our earth names and shook her hand.

We all sat around the table while I guess she introduced herself and what she did before she took our new notebooks and gave us pencils and lessons for their letters.

We did pretty well considering the difference between our languages. Numbers and letters are both important, but so different! I knew they used different sounds than we do but to have them written so simply yet convey such meaning is almost amazing.

They have a way to quote feelings without over accents or using numbers to convey the importance… it's becoming a beautiful language to us and Melody has a sweet way of speaking.

We've taught her a basic greeting in Equestrian and she took too it amazingly fast, she even nickered at the end! I didn't know they could do that, so I guess I'm becoming fond of her.

She studied with us as a family for two hours before we taught her how to say goodbye and at first she said ‘best lying’ and it was funny because it wasn't even close to what we told her to say.

She said it right and bowed to us before she left and the foals were excited to see her again but she said that she has a thought and wanted to surprise us so we were all excited to find out what was going to happen.

Amber and I bundled up and left to downtown again while the children went to the park to play since it was the warmest day yet.

We walked to the bridge and looked over the trails at the river and wondered if we were allowed to fish, because a fish for dinner sounded nice. Eating meat is a great source of protein and since they don't serve hay over the counter here we need to get it from somewhere.

We saw a few people out and greeted them as we passed in English and one nice woman started a conversation with us but we had to tell her we were still learning to speak and she said she wished she could speak Equestrian.

Amber and I had the same thought at the same time, that we should start a language class! We'd have to set done things up with our helpers, but language classes were always in demand and we could learn at the same time.

We walked over the bridge and came to another city that was right across the river and found a boardwalk with several businesses, restaurants they looked like, and a real movie theatre! We went in and the theatre was a large as Trottingham City hall.

We could tell the movies were very different than ours just by the cut outs! So much implied action and adventure got us both excited to watch a movie, even if we couldn't understand it. They use a twenty four hour clock here, like a couple other places on our earth, so it was easy to figure out when we first got here. Amber did the math.

We decided to come back in two days because it would be closer to the socializing times. They call it a weekend here on human earth. As though weeks end? They just cycle around the calendar like the sun through the sky.

Having a sun and moon that rely on physics makes for a very different calendar and time system so it'll make a great experience teaching our friends the difference of human and our world calendars.

It doesn't even feel right saying or implying that Equestria is as important as it feels. There are as many nations here as are on our world but it's just feeling different now that we're here.

We made our way back to our home and stopped by Subway to say hello to our friends and this time we shared a few human words and taught the cooks or words for lettuce and tomatoes and cheese. They didn't do well at all and I can't tell them how insulted we were at what they did say about our sons…

But it wasn't intentional so we forgive them, but won't be teaching them food in Equestrian for a little while.

We got back home and there was another bible and a child dictionary on our doorstop so we took it in and put it in the bookshelf and ate canned goods for lunch.

The children hadn't seen anyone at the park and had become too cold to play for long so they'd come home earlier. We shared our idea with Blueberry and he loved it and said he'd do some research.

Blueberry is our Stratonet and internet expert so we had him start looking into classes and everything we found and could understand seemed to say that it was cheap, easy, and didn't need any experience with teaching to teach!

We called Written Letter and told her about the tutor and our plans and after done conversing with our helpers they said they'd get back to us with the information and we spent time talking about our day so far. We told our children about teaching some people hello and goodbye in Equestrian, as well as a few vegetable words. And tomato, that’s a fruit but I don’t expect everyone to know that.

Amber and I spent time writing a language plan and she used her magic to write while I tried to race her with my mouth writing and we were about the same, but I really think she slows down for me because I know unicorns are better at writing than the other tribes since they don’t have to use their tongues and teeth to move the pencil.

We got a call back from our helpers pretty quick and they told us they couldn’t set up a language class with us because we have a lot of paperwork to file still and to do a language class we’d need to find people that were interested first and that would take a lot of time and surveys and the like so we thanked them and hung up and wrote a letter, with Blueberry’s help, and put it on our Facebook for our friends to see.

We invited them to our house to study some English and teach them Equestrian. The spelling was wrong in parts, but we wanted it to be that way a little to encourage them to come over and help us.

We got cleaned up nicely and the children put on their dress clothes with their saddles and Amber and I put on some makeup and I polished her horn a little with my file kit, which doesn’t work very well for hooves, by the way, and we waited.

It was about an hour later when the first knock came at the door. We thought it was going to be Lynn or Monica again, but it turned out to be a friend from the Subway and his woman friend and they greeted us warmly and we welcomed them in Equestrian and they were very happy to hear us speaking it.

We sat down and another knock at the door was a small group of three people that wanted to learn some Equestrian and within the hour of six o’clock there were nearly fifteen people that we had greeted and were mostly talking about the weather and a sport called hockey that was very similar to stickball on ice!

We started with telling everyone that it was nice to meet them in English then we split up our roles and Amber and Blueberry started with basic words in English and I would say them in Equestrian and the foals would take turns spelling the words in Equestrian and since we didn’t have a chalkboard Amber used her magic and the humans were, rapt, if that’s the right word, with attention as she spelled hello and goodbye, how are you, we are ponies, and you’re my friend.

We really wanted a chalkboard and asked if anyone had an extra and some people said they didn’t have one, but would get us a big one! They started a discussion of how much to spend and where to get one and we listened, raptly, while they talked and learned a little about places to shop.

They have all kinds of shops for everything, which is pretty common, but these humans have warehouses full of shopping stuff so anything that anyone could ever need is gettable!

We continued with our class and learned a lot of new phrases and wrote them in our study books and the people that brought notebooks or computers of their own were taking notes and pictures of us the whole time and we spent some time letting them practice talking in Equestrian, too.

By the end we learned that humans are very fast learners and can make proper sounds and convey some emotion when they speak with nickers and a little winney now and then, too. They speak well enough, but when they tried to write it was terrible. Haha, they wrote the word friend and it looked like the start of a water spell in Unicorn, Amber said.

They didn’t understand why it was funny but we made merry for a while before we said our goodbyes, in Equestrian, and then joined in the livingroom and talked about how exciting it was to have had such a great turn out to what was supposed to be a little study session. We thanked our friends on Facebook and ate supper, but didn’t eat a lot because we were so excited about what had happened and the friends we’d made!

We didn’t mind practicing more English while we waited for bedtime and then we put the children to bed and spent some time, just Amber and me, watching TV and we found a show about hockey and it was stickball on ice! We had to play a game and show these humans we ponies are serious about our sports, too!

Amber was really more into summer sports like Hoofball and Rugby, but we’d cross that road when we came to it. We nuzzled each other for a while and got into the mood and made sure to turn everything off before we went to bed. Must have been three minutes, another awesome night!

Day 5

Day 5
Thorsday January 14

I woke up to Amber scream and a door slam. I was out of our room door and into the hall within a second and rammed into her and we both fell to the floor. She told me she walked in on Blueberry… doing what colts his age do.

I laughed a bit and helped her back to our room and we waited for the bathroom door to open and then the children’s room door room door to close before we dared enter the bathroom. It was as clean as it ever was so at least he is tidy when he… releases. How unfortunate for him to be walked in on by his mother!

We went and talked a bit about the day's plans and decided that the weather was going to be nice enough to go for a trot, finally. We were all a bit unexercised so we all bundled up a bit and checked the temperature and it was cold, but not as bitter as before so Amber, Blueberry, and me went for a trot while the foals stayed to watch children’s TV shows about sea humans that went on simple adventures.

We trotted down the block and downtown and said hello to passing humans in English and they smiled at us but weren’t too sure about us because we were still the new ponies in town, and on the planet! We didn’t stop to talk as we reached the bridge and galloped across it and then crossed the road and went down a path that took us along the river. I wanted to try to run across the river but knew all I’d do is slip and fall since I didn’t have any shoes on or skates to skate with.

We cantered and went into a full gallop several times and stopped to taste the winter grasses on the side of the road once and they weren’t very good but it was something in our bellies since we didn’t have breakfast yet. We came across a camping park but it was empty because who would go camping in winter?

Further down the trail was still paved but there wasn’t anything of note besides another bridge that spanned the river and had more cars going over it and then we decided to gallop for a while and when Amber was tired we stopped and turned back and galloped all the way back to the bridge we had first crossed and walked in place to keep our muscles warm while Amber caught up. She wasn’t as fit as we were, but she’s a unicorn worth her weight in gold and she did her best to act tough and hide her exhaustion.

We walked back briskly and made it home and then stripped and our clothes were heavy with our sweat and we couldn’t get to the shower fast enough! We started the water cold and rinsed the lather off before we turned it to a luke warm and washed each other and then helped each other dry. The foals took their turn next because they liked to bathe and play in the water and there was a never ending supply since the river was so close so we let them.

We groomed each other and it felt nice to have a freshly brushed mane and Amber braided some of my forelocks and it looked cute and then we helped the foals get ready for the day, too.

We ate breakfast and the foals said they heard us having sex last night and wondered if we were going to have a foal before we left earth and we told them that it wasn’t that easy and explained about estrus and how the mare would have to go through that and have to have sex at the right time to get pregnant, then it took another year for the baby to be born so there wasn’t going to be a baby born by our family on earth and Lilli said that she still wanted us to try.

I guess she’s old enough for sex but not old enough to understand it, which makes me wonder when she’ll find a colt to mate with and if she’ll fall in love with him or if it’ll be a passing fling. I have a couple foals out in Equestria that I know but because their mothers and I never fell in love we moved on since it was just mating season, after all. We’re still good friends and I write them often, but now that I’m on earth I will have to send a photograph and letter to them all and tell them about how my herd is doing and maybe when I get back we can all have a party together!

Humans are, so far, more restrained in their affections and I don’t think they have any more than one partner for life but I’ll have to research that on my own time since we have such a full schedule now!

Melody came over at nine in the morning and we told her in English about meeting new friends and teaching Equestrian and all our studying and she was impressed with how well we’d spoken, even though a lot of the words were still broken English and we had to explain better about teaching Equestrian in our home a couple times and then she understood and said she’d like to join a lesson and we invited her to the one this evening after supper and she said she’d come with a friend.

We spent the next couple hours practicing and she was very proud of how fast we were learning and we told her that ponies learned language quickly and English was similar to Minotaurian in a way and that was taught in some schools that were closer to their lands but we all knew some of it because they shared words with Equestrian.

She asked if we were going to teach that too but we didn’t know enough to converse with even a child minotaur and we said hello in Minotaurian and she laughed because she’d never heard a horse moo and we shrugged because it wasn’t something we were planning on doing anyway, teaching that language. So, we finished our class and asked her about some unwritten rules among humans like what is inappropriate to say or places to go.

She told us bad words were not okay, usually, and as long as we didn’t go into the wrong bathroom or go in the streets we should be fine, but then Lilli asked how sex was taboo and Melody blushed and didn’t want to talk about that because she wasn’t comfortable with it and we scolded Lilli and told her to not ask about taboo questions anymore.

Melody told us that she had our surprise ready and gave us a book that was from Equestria and was blank and she told us that Princess Twilight Sparkle had given us the book and said that anything we wrote in it would be sent right to her and anything she wrote will be sent to this one and there was no limit to what we could ask or anything!

We were very excited and when we opened the book the first page was written in English and it said something about how we were the pride of Equestria and that over the next year she looked forward to learning all she could from us about earth and that she was proud of us and was planning a visit in the summer and looked forward to meeting our new friends.

We spent some time writing in the book in Equestrian in turns while we talked with Melody about hockey and other sports and she only knew about hockey and was very animated about it. She told us places to shop and said she could take us all in her esyouvee and we were anxious to go so she called our helpers and they said it was okay to go and we got ready and left right away.

There was a person on the street we’d seen a couple times that held a camera box on his shoulder and recorded us leaving again and I think he was with the news again so we waved hello and when we approached him he ran to a van and hid in it. Humans can be weird sometimes, I guess.

We sat comfortably and watched the city go by and it was so much more alive than it seemed from downtown! There were cars and esyouvees and trucks that are like cars with wagons on the back! There were more people on the Washington street than we’d seen in the whole of downtown and that was just odd since downtown was always the most popular place to be on our world with the best shops and places to be but there was more away from downtown happening here.

We turned and watched more life pass us by than we’d seen in the last few days and finally stopped at a sports shop and when we went in we were shouted at because they didn’t know we were smart ponies and then we talked to them and the whole place stopped and they watched us while we started looking around and then one of the clerks came to help us and we told them we loved to play hockey back home and that got a lot of them excited and before we knew it everyone was talking about hockey and showing us where the hockey stuff was and sizing us for boots and skates.

They didn’t fit perfectly but the skates worked fine with some padding to make up for the extra foot part we don’t have and we bought them with our credit cards and made a lot of friends who told us the best places to play hockey at and we moved quickly to the esyouvee and Melody said she would take us to the next place and drop us off but we’d need to have our helpers or a taxi take us home.

We were at a skating rink that was a lot like home and when we went in we went to the bleachers and started to change into our skates and the people on the ice stopped to watch us and when we started to skate they were pleased to see our skill. I was always on the ice breaking teams during Winter Wrap Up and the foals weren’t too bad but couldn’t stand on their rear legs and pirouette like Amber and I could… we were just showing off but we got applause when we were done with our little show and then we went and got our sticks and a puck and started to practice our routine and everyone wanted to play a game of hockey with us so Amber, Blueberry and I said yes while the foals spent some time skating with human children.

We were way better than most of them because they didn’t think that four hooves on the ice would make up for being tall and having two legs but we showed them and were far more agile than they thought we’d be. We played for fun and made a few friends that helped us learn some of the rules of human hockey and fighting was okay they said so Amber got a devious grin and asked us to play to one more point and then she kept using mer magic to push and pull our skates from under us to make us fall and when she scored the last point she still went and side checked a player from the other team into the wall.

When we were done we were a little winded but it wasn’t heavy exercise to us while the people were sitting and resting and they said they were going to find out if we could join their team for an exhibition game and they all gave us their phone numbers but it was too much so we gave them our Facebook and invited them to our class tonight.

Amber made a good point that we didn’t have space in our home and we needed to postpone until we got a larger space but I asked if we could have it at the rink but they said no. We needed a place to go that was larger and had proper seating so we talked with the people that were around us while we took off our skates and they understood Blueberry the best and he set up a meeting at the local advanced school since he worked there.

We thanked him and got a ride back to our home and went to take showers while Blueberry told our friends on Facebook that we were meeting somewhere else to study and teach tonight. We took a quick shower and groomed again and decided we’d need to work a schedule so we didn’t have to spend so much time grooming and showering and we could have more fun.

Lunch was quick and we had eggs and oats again, but this time we had a lot to replace the energy we’d burnt through the day and we took time to watch TV and relax with some cans of fruit. They aren’t too bad once you get past the metallic taste!

We spent time watching the TV shows for children and decided that they were the most fun we’d seen so far so besides the weather channels we’d watch those. We took a cat nap and rested until it was almost suppertime and passed on eating in favor of eating out with our new friends that were going to pick us up and take us to the school across town.

Jim and Mark showed up and introduced themselves in English and we did the same in Equestrian and they laughed and were excited to learn some of our language and helped us into their truck. The wagon part was cold and slippery, the air was bitterly cold again, but it was nice to look out the sides and see the city passing us, even if the cars smelled really bad when they made exhaust. We got to the school and it was actually a university! A school the size of some Equestrian towns… I’m awed every day I’m here, it seems.

We were led into a building and it was full of people that wanted to learn Equestrian! Well, not full, that’d be overwhelming, but the halls on the way to the lecture hall was full and the hall itself was humongous! Every member of my herd across Equestria could room in the lecture hall and have space left over.

We were led to the front and Amber took a marker, which is like a quill that’s full of ink, but bigger? She took it in her magic and that was when the class went silent and people quietly ushered into the room and to seats like a good class should. We started by telling them our names in English and then since Amber and Blueberry were the best at English so far they started explaining the best they could our letters and she drew them on the white blackboard with the marker and the people were rapt with attention!

They took photographs and took notes of everything she said and did and even started copying our noises when she went over the lettering. It’s a really different way to write, compared to English, but one person said it was similar to three written languages from the eastern side of their world.

They had to explain to us that the world wasn’t really flat or divided and it was a loud couple of minutes while they practically held a senate discussion before I started singing the Equestrian National Anthem with the children and then the room fell silent again as Amber joined in. Our melody and harmonics were right where they were supposed to be for the song, but when we were done some people were crying because we sounded so beautiful singing.

I never thought it was that great of a song, but it was enough to start the class formally and we began teaching greetings and how to write them. We noticed our helpers in the class standing in the back by the door and they were practicing the words but not the writing part so we were very proud of ourselves.

I finished the class by teaching them the words for friend and how there are eight ways to say it in Equestrian, but humans can only make the sounds for five of them without sounding too off but there was one man who was able to say all eight and we asked to see him after the class. We said our goodbyes to the whole class and wished them well until the next time we could get together and Amber cast a couple spells to wow the people before they left and we talked with the man, Travis, about studying advanced lessons with us.

He understood enough and said yes and that he’d need to schedule it around his job, unless we could pay him. We knew well enough that he was talking about pay because money is universal, but we couldn’t pay him offering free classes and he said he’d fix that easy. We took his number and Facebook and eemale and when he was leaving he stopped to talk with Written Letter who was just outside the door the whole time and then they talked their way out of the building while we talked with our helpers.

They weren’t mad we started a class without going through the channels, but weren’t pleased either. They said they’d take care of getting us a better classroom and organizing it better and that we’d have to get paid to do this, otherwise it wouldn’t be very capitalist of us. I don’t know why they thought that was funny since capitalism usually only worked for the pony with the biggest mouth and smallest heart and that didn’t have many friends at all.

We said goodbye to Mark and Jim and took a ride in the esyouvee with our helpers to a restaurant we hadn’t been to yet named Taco Bell that served a lot of food wrapped in flour shells and we got several items from the menu and took them all to go back home with. We thanked our helpers and when we ate our food it was almost all good, but there was a wrap called a super burrito that had meat in it and it was tasty, but we didn’t want diarrhea so we didn’t eat it all, just a bite each to see.

We went to our own beds after a while and had to crack the window because we were all farting a lot and we decided that even though the food was good, we weren’t going to eat Taco Bell often because it was too cold to have open windows.

We did talk a little about the weather, too. We don’t know why it’s so cold or why we’d be sent here to start our journey to the new world because it’s consistently colder here than any place back home, so we are going to have to figure out when it’s going to be warmer and then plan some social events with our friends.

Oh yeah, I wrote in the book from Princess Twilight and she replied right away. I told her about teaching Equestrian to humans and she was excited to know how they took to it and was pleased to know they are fast learners. It was like having a Stratonet talk with a Princess, only through a magic book. I still can’t get used to all this, but once I do then I’ll be able to call myself and my family locals!

Queef ya tomorrow. Princess Twilight Sparkle didn’t think that was very funny when I said that to her, maybe I should ask what it means.

Day 8

Day 8
Sunday January 17, 2016

We were in a lot of trouble from the moment we woke up. We slept in our beds, like usual, but this time Amber and I didn’t sleep well at all. We kept wondering what the world was going to think of ponies after we partied like foals at their first rave in the big city. We should have known better than to act like that, but we started the night with herbs and it went on from there.

The photographs on the internet we found of ourselves that night put us in our place, for certain, but it wasn’t even close to over. If humans were as conservative as they seemed the whole world would think every pony were partiers and didn’t respect human culture. We finally got up to use the bathroom and I made sure to brush my teeth again because I had a feeling we’d meet a lot of news people today that would want to know about how we could be so rude and inconsiderate.

The day seemed to float by and Melody didn’t come by so we thought we had insulted her, too. We all watched TV and practiced our English words but I know my heart wasn’t in it. I finally called our helpers and Written Letter and apologized to them again but they weren’t mad anymore they said.

They told me that the photographs were embarrassment enough and they didn’t need to scold us anymore than they had. The papers and internet had taken our behavior as pony culture and had mostly passed it off as humans should have to adapt to us. It had caused debate among the political leaders and among small groups, but overall they didn’t view our behavior as insulting and horrible.

It was kind of a relief, but also somewhat annoying because now we had to set a better example for all ponykind and it wasn’t going to be easy to play off our drunken and drugged behavior as pony culture without making ourselves look awful or incompetent.

We ate lunch and bundled up to go for a family trot around downtown and while it was terribly cold, the sun warmed us enough and reminded us of home, a little bit. There were people at the Subway that we said hello to and one of them greeted us in Equestrian and that felt nice. We couldn’t have a language class every night, but twice a week worked so while we walked Amber and I planned on when would work best.

Tuesday and Thorsday nights seemed to work best since it didn’t cross over with human work too much and they still had their party nights and weekends. We got home and told our Facebook friends about our teaching plans and we had so many now that we couldn’t keep track of them all. We got replies right away from almost a hundred people that wanted to go and they said they’d pay the fee at the door.

When I asked Blueberry he said that he had said classes were two dollars a lesson and while I didn’t think it was nice to charge people to learn our language it was smart of him because the extra money could be donated to a local orphanage or something.

He liked that idea since we didn’t have a money problem at the moment and it’s always best to help others when you could.

We were invited back to the ‘Kay but didn’t accept because we didn’t want to party again like we had and instead called a couple of our friends and asked if they wanted to come over for a dinner party. The friends we called already had plans but they said they’d come by if they had time or would reschedule with us.

We spent the night reading some human children books and we got another bible on our doorstep so it went with the others and we decided to look it over but didn’t understand the way the story was written. We’ll come back to it once we can read better.

Day 9

Day 9
Moonday Jan 18 2016

It’s called Monday on earth, but I like Moonday. It just feels better. I really wish today had gone as well as the others before the weekend but it feels like I’ve failed at my mission of bringing pride to Equestria. I haven’t heard anything from Melody today and our helpers have been in meetings all day, there’s been a silence around us that’s left us feeling kind of alone… even our Facebook friends have been busy and haven’t wanted to see us.

I hope everything turns out alright…

We didn’t do anything really today, we just went through the motions and only the foals have been enjoying themselves. Amber, Blueberry, and myself have been nervous and kind of on edge all day and the only fohn telegram we’ve gotten was from a person asking me if I was happy with my sex life.

I replied and told them I was very satisfied and they didn’t respond again and Amber said I was the best she’d ever had and it didn’t matter that we had children together because even if she was barren she’d love me no matter what. I nuzzled her because I finally felt better for the first time in the day and then I spent time playing with the foals and Lilli really likes daddy back rides. Timber is a fan of pouncing, so we jump on things a lot.

Melody showed up at nine and apologized but apparently she doesn’t work on the weekends and especially Sunday so we apologized for calling her on her rest day and she understood and we all hugged before our lessons began. We learned a lot about human numbers but she didn’t know much about math, which was kind of disappointing because I like geometry most and Amber loves to use calculus in her daily life with magic usage.

Melody didn’t understand us at first but then didn’t believe us that we were so knowledgeable about mathematics so we used human numbers and Amber showed her a basic algorithm for calculating the mass of the average fruit in an orange orchard and Melody didn’t believe us but said it looked hard enough to be real and took the math paper into her purse and finished our lessons.

We are pretty good at speaking and writing English now, for a week of practice she said we’re almost through grade school and it’s amazing how fast we’ve learned. I thanked her and said it was mostly because of our special talents and abilities. I’m a nomad by nature so we learn easier and Amber’s a unicorn and she just learns everything fast, as long as it interests her.

We got a letter from Melody before she left and said she wanted us to read it in private so she left it with us. It held Princess Twilight Sparkle’s royal seal on the back and we were very nervous and almost didn’t open it, but we had to and when we did it wasn’t bad at all. It was a letter from the Princess telling us that she had heard of our weekend and hoped it was as fun as it would have been back home and that we were certainly making waves across the worlds. I was glad to read her letter and when I was done we placed it in our room in the nightstand and made sure to not wrinkle it.

We were really curious to know if the humans that went over were behaving but we didn’t have a way to ask yet so we wrote a letter anyway and all signed it before folding it nicely and putting it in an envelope. We planned to give it to Melody the next time we saw her so we wouldn’t forget we put it on the table by the door and were kind of happy to not see another bible, yet.

We decided to read it over, the bible, and we skipped around some and the story was very poetic sounding but a very long read and I wasn’t into poetry that much. Amber said she’d read it for a while and tell us what it was like and we all agreed with her plan so while she read the bible we watched TV.

I wrote in my journal quickly between shows and spent a little time napping on the couch. There wasn’t anything to do because it was still so cold out! Melody had said later in the week that it was going to warm up some so we had something to look forward to.

Lunch came and went and we all were getting tired of what we had bought so we wanted to go to Walls Mart and do more shopping. We asked our Facebook friends but almost all of them were at work or not even in the city or state, otherwise they would have driven us. Sarah said she would and so we waited for her and she knocked very softly on the door.

We said our hello’s in English and she patted my head and said hello in Equestrian. We bundled up and left into her car but the car was too small for my whole family so Lilli and Timber stayed behind with Blueberry and we went to a store named Hugo’s instead and it was a nice enough market that had everything we’d need for the week.

We bought a nice variety of foods and treats like cookies and pancake powder we only have to add water to! Humans have thought of so much… why don’t ponies have instant pancake mixes?

We got a few photographs taken and when we were all done we quickly went into the car and was glad it was warm inside because it was still cold as the Frozen North at night, only it was daytime.

When we got home we invited Sarah in and she helped us put away our groceries then we sat and talked. She had seen the photographs of us partying and even though we were embarrassed she said that it looked like we had fun, but having sex in public was a little more than she thought was okay.

We told her that we were drunk and on herbs and weren’t thinking right, that we were sorry and then she hugged us both and told us it was okay. That everyone does dumb things sometimes and we just didn’t know. Then she told us about the right way to socialize with other people and to not focus on drinking and taking drugs. Drugs are what they call herbs, pretty much.

It was early in the evening still so while the young played we stayed in the living room and socialized, using English! We were still not very good at speaking, but understanding is easier. We forgot about going to a movie because we went out to party and Sarah said she’d take us to a good one right then so we said our goodbyes to the children and then laughed and told them they were coming, but they’d have to squeeze into the back seat.

We got to the movie theatre that we’d seen before and it was called River Cinema 15, because they had fifteen screens… in one building, to show movies at the same time. Why don’t we have this in Equestria?!

We got popcorn and soda’s and for a few photographs we also got in for free! The movie theatre was massive, like everything else humans made, and Amber asked if their penises were just as big or if they were compensating and we all laughed, except Sarah, she didn’t understand. That might be for the best because humans seem to be as conservative as we thought.

The movie was called Norm of the North and it was about a polar bear that went to Manhattan with some lemurs to build a building, I think, back in the arctic where he was from. We really liked the movie and looked forward to seeing another next week, or sooner, but the rest of the movies they had looked terrifying.

We got home and said thanks and goodbye to Sarah who hugged us again before she left and then we had a light supper because we ate a lot of popcorn at the movie.

We took time to plan what to do with the basement and since herbs were illegal here we would have to grow something else, if anything, or turn the room into a family study room. Celestia knows there’s enough here to learn.

I wrote Princess Twilight a letter in the book she gave me about our weekend and she replied quickly telling us that everypony is entitled to have fun, but if we didn’t set a better example she’d have to see us earlier than planned or have us come home and another family replace us. She did tell me that I was a very good pony and that was the reason we had been chosen to come here, so that made me feel better.

We stayed up past our bedtimes talking about the movie and how we’d have to see Manhattan before we left earth, since they said we can do some travelling, then instead of going to bed we camped out in the living room and fell asleep to the TV playing some nice orchestral music.

Day 10-16

We had a slight scare and were rushed, by our helpers, to a secure place in the police station. Some people had come by our house in the night and began throwing rocks, snow, and shouts at our home. We cowered in our room until they seemed to have left, but not after painting ‘Pony go home’ across our front door.

Amber was the most brave of us all because she was ready to cast a repel spell at the first person to come through our bedroom door, but no one came in our home. It was freezing when we left our room because the windows were broken and there was a police officer knocking loudly at our door.

We knew the calls they made because we were taught them when we went to the police station and when we opened the door Amber was ready to attack, if it was a bad person. She saw it was a police officer and finally broke down and cried into my side while we were quickly ushered into our Helpers’ Ford and were taken to the police station under heavy guard and led downstairs to special rooms that were jail cells, and were just beds on cement that were built from the walls.

We all stayed together the whole time and were safe, but nervous because what if they stormed the police station, or were waiting for us when we left the building.

We were assured by Written Letter, who had to stay with us, for her safety, that there was no chance that a human police station could be overrun, much less would they allow anyone to harm us.

They’re like Royal guards, in a way. I respect them so much more now. We finally took turns sleeping and Amber slept the least, ready to cast some kind of spell at every noise. The next morning we started the day with a shiver, because the stone room was so cold, but the door was left open all night so it must have been cold all over.

We had a human toilet in the room and took turns going and helping each other, because we were scared still. We got to leave the room when we wanted and several people in jail for real watched us as we were led from the room back to a larger break room where the officers had prepared a buffet of salads and some fish and some eggs.

It made us all feel so much better and we tried to hug every one of them in thanks but some settled for hoof bumps. We ate with some of the people and tried to talk about what happened in English but some of it wasn’t translatable so Written Letter had to help us and we said thank you so many times I think the word lost it’s meaning, but not really, I’m just joking.

From what I remember we had to give the tale of our ordeal several times and in Equestrian and English and had to write it down.

There was a little fun that was had the first day, because they have a target range in the basement and they wanted to see what Amber could do with her magic and so she was given a paper target of a human and she was uncomfortable using it but they said it was okay.

She charged a spell and lowered her horn and lowered her head and I’d never seen her bare her teeth in such frustration. She apologized after she cast the spell because she’d overcharged it, but she had burnt the paper to ashes and the police were very surprised. She got to do other magic she knew and even got to fire a human gun, they call it. I would have thought they’d called them boomers or loud snappers, but they call them guns.

She aimed like she was using her magic and was very good at it, they joked and said we should have one just to be safe, and told her that she could practice anytime down there. Amber also cast levitation spells on the police for fun, and she also created some water from the air and made a gust of wind around herself.

We had to stop when the police boss came in and said to stop fooling around and there was work to be done. Amber thanked the police as they left, because she’d felt a lot better after having fun with her magic. She didn’t get to relieve stress like that very often and we were allowed to stay, with a couple police, and she got to cast some repel spells and a scorching spell she didn’t know she knew she could cast, a few more times before we were allowed to go to the main floor and meet our helpers.

They said they’d have to get us a new place to stay and we’d have to be a lot more careful about what we did because they’d already caught some of the people that’d attacked our house and one said we were evil because we drank a lot and had sex in public, and that we were demons from their version of Tartarus.

That made us all sad, because we weren’t monsters, we were ponies. And it was our fault they saw us that way, so we needed to set a much better example.

We had to stay and had a bit of a routine for the next four days before we got a new place in the city at the other side of town on the third, top, floor of an apartment building and there would be a police car nearby at all times and would follow us for the rest of our time on earth. I thought that was kind, but also a little uncomfortable, until they said that the police wouldn’t follow us everywhere because they couldn’t, but they’d be ready and have a police officer nearby and would help us within two minutes of us needing help.

They gave us adults a necklace and said all we had to do was push a button and they’d be with us right away and even our helpers would come as soon as they could, with Written Letter, so it was important that we used them only when we needed to. I guess it’s a nice enough place, but it’s all the way on the other side of the city and is kind of different because we can see one of the main city roads and cars and other vehicles going by.

There’s a Hugo’s close by and we’re close to Wallmart, so that’s nice. There’s also a movie theatre close by, too. It’s like our other house, but this one is surrounded by other apartments… Just like our first apartment in Manehattan. Only this time we’re all together in an apartment that is easily large enough for us all! We have two rooms and a large bathroom and a kitchen and the living room and dining room are one big room all carpeted.

I think that’s nice, because we don’t want to wake everypony, everyone else up in the middle of the night. We got settled in and ordered food from a Chineighs place while our helpers and the police talked at a table that was made for humans and was too tall for us to sit at comfortably.

They didn’t mind that we ate our meal on the kitchen floor and then said they’d bring our stuff from our old home to our new one and we’d have to be careful, but they’d keep us safe. It was too cold to go out and do anything and we didn’t have our computer so we were alone and had to wait until they brought our stuff over.

It was two days before they got the first load over and it was furniture and our table that they said was for coffee but we used it for meals, not just coffee. We were glad they brought some stuff, but without a way to contact Equestria or really do anything we spent our time in our new home until the police said it was safe enough to go out shopping, as long as we stayed together in groups of at least three, and one of us would have to be with the foals at all times.

I said that was a bit odd, since foals were typically considered family to the town and were kept safe by the other ponies and then I realized that humans aren’t ponies at all. It wasn’t too long before we began meeting all our neighbors, because when life comes down to it, all you can have are your neighbors to rely on.

We met every one of them by the time the day was over and invited them to our Equestrian class next time it was going to happen and there were some human children that the foals could play with and we were invited to several suppers but we don’t and can’t eat that much meat so we planned a meal for everyone that wanted to have one and several people did and others wanted to just come by and show support to us.

The attack on our house was seen across the world on human TV and newspapers and Facebook and no one liked that it had happened, it seemed. Even ‘The Right’ was against it, but they wouldn’t explain what ‘The Right’ was.

Supper with so many humans turned out to be a party and it was quiet at first but when we started talking about how hockey was like a game ponies play the party came to life and we knew sports were a good thing on both our worlds. We learned that UND was the school where we had our classes and they also had the best hockey team on the whole planet! I was honored to be in the same town as them.

They were having practices and games all winter so we had to see one soon. The party went until almost one in the morning before all the young were asleep in the children’s room and some of the adults had brought drinks and we had a couple but paced ourselves better this time and when the last people left we noticed a police officer outside the door and he nodded to us as the door closed for the night.

We went to bed happily until the next morning when we all had to pee and finally decided to split it up and us boys used the bathtub while Amber used the toilet and Lilli went in the sink. It was only pee, after all, and some water washed it all away and it was kind of nice to go as a family, like back home we could go two at a time but these bathrooms… they’re so designed for one human at a time and not even three ponies.

Two days later they brought us our personal stuff and there was a big box that was full of bibles and another that was full of letters from around the area from people supporting us and some businesses offered us free food, too. Some places that were called Steakhouses were funny, because everything they served had meat and how were we supposed to eat there?!

One place that served meat offered us a whole roasted barbeque pig and Lilli turned from lavender to green at the thought and we didn’t handle the thought much better. At least our helpers were willing to take the offers from us.

We wrote to Princess Twilight using the magic book and she didn’t reply so now we’re just getting the apartment together and there’s a new TV coming in that’s going to be better than the last one, they said. Our winter coats are coming in and it’s supposed to be cold, but warmer compared to when we arrived.

It’s Friday the 22th of January today so I hope tomorrow will be a nice day for a family trot and to do some shopping, because ordering food isn’t very healthy and I feel like I’ve gained weight and that’s not sexy, everypony knows that.

Day 17 (Wow, Princesses are mean!)

Day 17
January 23

We got a surprise today by our helpers waking us up and they didn’t have much time to say anything before Princesses Twilight and Princess Cadence walked into our home and we bowed as deeply as we could while they moved to hug us each. I couldn’t breathe I was so excited and they quickly moved out of the way to let a camera news group come into our home.

We couldn’t stop smiling and the Princesses don’t speak English so we actually got to show off our speaking skills and Twilight told us quietly she’d learned several human languages but was very impressed at what we’d learned in less than a month on our own here.

She said she was visiting us because of what had happened and that she supported our decision to stay on earth or come back home and we didn’t have to think that we were going to stay here until our time was up. That made her very happy and I could tell because she fluffed her wings and pegasi do that when they’re happy.

She began to talk in Equestrian about the plans and thoughts of Equestria’s royalty and Princess Cadence gave me a look that almost melted me like butter before she started talking about spreading a message of love, peace, and friendship through our combined actions as both humans and ponies would be the key to our successful cultural exchanges.

After a while the TV people thanked us and left and the Princesses cast spells on us that were to keep us safe from fire and resistant to black magic, just in case, and Princess Cadence cast a special spell for Blueberry and I that I wasn’t able to tell Amber about it, but Twilight frowned at Cadence so I think she knows.

Amber’s been having trouble walking but she’s been very happy all day and I think she will before bed tonight, again, and that’ll make her happy tomorrow.

Most of my day was spent having sex and eating lunch and having sex. There was a downside to the spell, and that is that Blueberry didn’t have anypony to practice with, so he spent most of the day with a towel in his bedroom.

The foals complained the smell was getting too strong and opened a window to air out their room and Blueberry kicked them out so they had to play in the living room while mom and I spent most of the day in bed.

Amber finally had enough by suppertime and said she’d buck me if I mounted her again and if I was fantasizing about the princesses she’d be disappointed in me but I admitted about the spell and she said she understood that it was a gift to help us all relax and she wasn’t happy at the overflow we’d made in the bed and she had to put on her dress and tie it under her so she wouldn’t leave a drip trail through the house and I felt bad again, because I wasn’t thinking of her as much as I was my own feelings so I kissed her and told her we’d make love the right way before sleep.

We had to throw a really pretty towel out, but Blueberry was over the spell before we were and I was really glad Amber is a unicorn because no one wanted to touch the towel and we were all kind of tired from the day and we ate a simple supper of spaghetti and sauce with cans of juice. We ate it all and drank three extra cans of water and realized we’d all wasted the day having sex, except the foals were playing alone and that wasn’t very smart of Princess Cadence to do this to us, so we decided next time we’d meet them we’d kindly refuse her gifts.

We met with some of the neighbors that answered their door and let the foals play while we talked about anything besides what we did today, but we did mention the princesses’ visit and they said they saw us on the news already and there were words on the bottom of the TV to translate what was said and that the really pretty princess was looking at me a lot and Amber understood what that meant better than I did and she wasn’t a happy pony for a while.

We said our goodbyes to our neighbors because they were going to go out and party like we had that night and we chose to stay behind, but Blueberry wanted to go so we let him, as long as he had his pendant on, the human one. This time I’m certain he’ll be better behaved so I’m not worried.

I think even the Princesses need to learn about appropriateness in human culture. I’ll let Princess Twilight know tomorrow because I promised my wife four of the best minutes of the week, and we’ve had a long week.

Time for bed!

Day 18

Day 18
January 24

Amber woke me up because she was hungry and didn’t want to get out of bed, she was really tired from the day before and I guess I couldn’t blame her. I got up to start some coffee for us and was disoriented at first because I’d gotten used to our old house and now we had an apartment. It wasn’t too bad, though, because everything was on the same floor, now.

I started the coffee and to be a good husband, I started some hot water on the electric stove to cook some hay and oats. I had to do it quickly, though, or else my wife would have and she always overcooks it.

I had the whole families bowls ready with breakfast and a hard boiled egg each with a pitcher of fresh warm tea. A perfect way to start the day in the new apartment.

We noticed quickly that Blueberry wasn’t home so we figured he must have made a few new friends and went to their house. We weren’t too sure, because of what’d happened before, but we can’t live in fear or else we should just go home. And we didn’t want to.

I tried to use the computer, but I can’t use my hooves like Blueberry could, and talking to the computer didn’t work as well for me because I guess my voice isn’t as soft as his. We ate and talked about what we wanted to do today and we decided that a family trot would be a good start. Amber sighed, because she doesn’t really like to go so I said I’d go and bring my police pendant and be back soon so she could clean up with the foals.

I bundled up warmly and when I went out it wasn’t nearly as cold as it had been! I decided to leave my clothes on and walk at first, because the cement was hard and I could feel it in my ankles. It hurt to trot and cantering almost made me wince with every gait I took, so I moved into the snow and it was a lot better and the snow I kicked up in my run splashed against my belly and cooled me off.

I lost track of where I was and looked around to see I didn’t know where I was, but I just followed my tracks back and was very glad there weren’t any predators around, because I left perfect tracks to follow back to me.

When I got a little ways I had to undress a little and draped my coat over my back and cantered back to our building and then opened the first door and found my name and pushed a button and Amber asked who I was.

She teased me and told me she didn’t order Cinnamon and I should return it and have a nice day, but then the door buzzed and I opened it before it locked on me again. I went upstairs and into our apartment and told them how nice it was, compared to how it had been. We all decided to go to Hugo’s and get some junk food and fruit.

We got a lot of looks when we walked in, but this time they were warm smiles! It was so nice to see so many friendly faces and when we got a cart a nice woman helped us by offering to push our cart for a while and then helped us find the fruit. The fruit looked good, but it wasn’t super fresh, I could feel it. The foals don’t know how to root, yet, but when they do it’ll help them through their lives.

We got a nice variety of fruit and the woman helped us pick the best junk food that she thought we’d like. Some of the candy smelled really fake, like big city cheap stuff, so we passed on a lot of it. We found out that a lot of things are canned and bagged with metal and plastic so it’s hard to tell what’s in what without opening the bags, and we were told that wasn’t okay and had to buy a few bags of sweets we didn’t want.

We almost took the cart with us back home, but we had to leave it and Amber took the bags in her magic but we stopped her with some of it because we wanted to help, too. People were really awed, still, at Amber’s magic, and there were a lot of photographs taken of us as we left, but it felt better than it had yet.

We got back to our building and the police officer was standing outside his car and we looked back to see several people behind us talking. They dispersed when they saw the police officer but I really didn’t mind them following. After we’d put away the groceries we’d tried some of the fake smelling candies and they were better than we thought they’d be, but not good enough to eat them all at once.

Blueberry has a different taste in food, so he can try them and when he wants to. We spent some time playing and reading human books, and the box of bibles has been sitting in the corner since they got here and we haven’t read one yet. Amber started, but after receiving the first dozen she stopped and said they were way too pushy about reading it.

We trust the earth and nature itself more than anything, even Princess Celestia, to a point. Oh, and Princess Luna, she’s very important, too. I was having a lot of nightmares because of my dislike for my jobs and when she came back I started to have better dreams and I haven’t had a bad dream since.

I wonder if she’s helping my dreams, still. Through the portal and gate and distances? I don’t see why not, they have a lot of power and can do a lot of things that we can’t even understand.

Ha! Princess Celestia’s teats. That was a great night.

Okay, so, they came over and they put in our new TV and then when I got the soap and water out to clean the electricity pipes they shouted at me and I spilled the soap and from what I understood I could hurt myself really bad and Amber looked at me like I was stupid because I didn’t know electricity could kill me.

She cast a spell she used to help start campfires and touched her horn to my nose and when it sparked I yelped and it hurt, a lot. I couldn’t see through my tears, uh, strong stallions can cry! But, she apologized and hugged me and said that’s what it would be like, only I’d maybe die. Then I did feel stupid for doing it, trying to clean the electricity tubes. Plugs, because things plug into them.

I am not a smart pony.

We watched TV while I kept a cold towel on my nose and ate lunch of fruit and some hay and oats, but we knew we needed more, like cake! There was a bakery there, oh my gosh! We didn’t get any cake! Oh well, tomorrow, I hope.

We watched a lot of educational shows for human children and practiced some vowels, because those are hard for us and make us sound funny. Well, different. Our accent is really strong so we’re just going to keep practicing.

We decided to meet the farrier and have our hooves filed next week and our winter coats have started growing out so we need to go to Walmart and get more brushes. We have to go down the pet aisle and get more shampoo, too, because that’s where they keep the things we need.

Miss Bayliss, a nice lady from downstairs, said a store called Coal’s sells good stuff, but Gordman’s is better, so I think we’ll go there first. It’s on the same road as everything else, 32nd Avenue, so it’ll be easy.

We gathered our saddlebags and coats and left as a family to the main street and began our walk there. It was only a couple miles, but the cement was covered with ice and snow, so it didn’t hurt this time and I wondered about rescheduling our meeting with the farrier, but I think it’s best to meet them anyway, because we’ll need their help a few times and it’d be nice to make friends with them now, rather than when it’s busier.

Walking down the sidewalk we got a lot of cars beeping at us and we were scared at first so we stayed close together and were ready to press our pendants for help but none of them stopped or turned to run us over so we guessed they were saying hello and after a few blocks we saw Walmart and thought about just going there to get our shopping done but we wanted to see more of the city so we kept walking.

We talked a little about the city as we passed and the different cars and we did see some Fords as we went along and we knew to stop at the red lights and instead of a pony there was a person that told us when it was safe to cross. The cars all waited for us to pass before any of them moved, which was nice of them.

It took us a while to get halfway there and we saw a lot of small shopping centers that had all kinds of stuff like food to human beds to… stuff. Like, house and stall stuff that any person might need, just incase.

We made it to the right place because the letters spelled Gordman’s and we were getting good at human letters from all our practicing, but not perfect. The round ones are difficult sometimes, and they have different ways to write the same words. It’s confusing, really bad sometimes. It’s like going into a shop and having to read unicorn on one shelf and pegasi on another then earth pony on the product itself.

Why shops in Manehattan do that is annoying but why humans do that with their own one language is beyond me.

We went to the door and Lilli pushed the blue icon beside the door and it opened the door then we went in and it smelled really nice, like the breeze from a forest, only a little stronger of patchouli. It was full of people that stopped to watch us and smiled back to our smiles and waves and finally we had to ask where the brushes were.

We had to mock brush our coats and mane for a salesperson to know what we needed and she led us to the brushes and then waited as we looked through the options. There were also some nice beds and toys that were technically for dogs, but ponies can play with stuff like ropes and I like squeaky toys in my baths.

I asked if they had portable bathtubs and why, but Amber hushed me and said that we wouldn’t be allowed to make our own bathtub in the living room because it’s an apartment and it was a silly idea. We looked around for a long time and asked a lot of questions and learned about what they sold and it was a lot!

We asked if we could see their tailor but they didn’t know what a tailor was, so I asked a manager and she said that they bought all their clothes and resold them. She didn’t know any tailors or seamstresses but was willing to look for one for us and that was very kind of her so we waited and she let us look around while she asked her friends on the internet and probably facebook, too.

She found us by the pictures and there were so many that had so many meanings and words that it was a fun game to try to read them and we’d forgotten about the tailor. The manager told us that there were a few in town, but only dealt with people but would help us because we were special and she gave us a paper that had a bunch of addresses and number on it. I put it in my saddlebag and thanked her, then we left and bought our brushes and a nice bed to relax in, and a length of rope for a tug of war, or maybe knot tying practice. Ropes are good for a lot of things, so we’ll find use for it.

We went left instead of right, because Amber was carrying the bags and I had the bed on my back and the people like to see Amber carry stuff in her magic so we went to Target, a shop like Walmart, but a lot cleaner and it felt nicer. We went in and it was much spacier even though I could tell it might have been a bit smaller and we stayed together and went around the outside of the sales floor and came across a lot of fun human things and even some toys! The foals were happy playing with some cars before we were told that we weren’t allowed to open the packages or we’d have to buy them.

Amber apologized and put the toys back and resealed the packages and the salesperson had to sit down and play with the packaging. I guess people don’t put stuff away when they’re done playing. We chose to look at some toys that were more for teenagers in the next isle and it was very pink and full of cars and human girls and boys toys.

Barbie was a national hero, it seemed. She was everywhere here, just like in Walmart, so she must be an important person. We picked out a car and a Barbie Doll set and then decided we were done shopping for stuff and toys so we followed our noses to the bakery and selected a variety of treats before leaving to pay.

As we were leaving we stopped by the exit door and ate a treat like a muffin and a donut and a cookie for the foals each. We left and went back to our apartment and waved at a lot of people that were driving. We got back and didn’t see Blueberry when we came home so we put our stuff away and took his yellow doggie toy and placed it by the window, so he’d know we missed him and wished him the best.

I guess he got his cutie mark and is following his destiny on earth, and wherever he goes I hope he finds us before we leave and we can have a proper cutecenera party for him.

We set our stuff up around the apartment where we needed them and then watched TV until supper and during supper we did talk about what Blueberry might be doing right now, because a pony that was gone for a day was usually out exploring the world, if we were in Equestria, and the same thing would apply here, right?

I’m certain humans have a ceremony, though, for when a child becomes an adult and begins their life on their own. I heard they call it ‘graduation’, which could be like our parties but the humans have a chance to say goodbye before they leave their homes and families.

Human’s don’t get cutie marks, so it makes sense they’d do something before they parted. Maybe they’re like gryphons and find a mate before they leave their homes… only they don’t fight their mate to near death for the right to fly alone.

The rest of the night was kind of somber and we looked forward to the next day because it was supposed to be nice and we weren’t going to use our coats or scarves because we wouldn’t need them.

We all went to bed in the foals bed because they felt lonely without Blueberry and we felt a little sad he’d gone away so suddenly, but if he was in trouble he’d call the police with his pendant so he’s safe, wherever he is.

Entry 1

Welcome to the Tartarus that is my life. I’m a middle aged stallion living in the suburbs slash rural Maneapolis. I’m from a traveling herd and about half my life ago I fell in love with a mare in Ponyville. We had three foals over ten years and moved here because it was closer to her family.

I guess nomadic life wasn’t in her genes because now here we are, in a cold land. And I mean cold as in it’s cold temperature is enough for me to get duck bumps under my coat while wearing a coat and boots during the cold wintery months, and the ponies are as cold hearted, it feels like, to any nomads.

Once the neighbors found out I was from a nomadic tribe they shut me out.

I’ll come back to that. My eldest son is twelve. He’s a stallion like his uncle, my brother not his mother’s. He just goes with the flow and keeps to himself. Lately he’s been playing games on the stratonet with other ponies from around the country.

I can’t believe Princess Twilight created a way for everypony to communicate across the world. Even not ponies like gryphons can write telegrams to each other and play chess or cards from across the land. It’s impressive but I’m worried what Blue is going to do, Feel Blue is my son, what he’s gonna do with it in his future. Granted, there was some help from the humans on the other side of the portal, but it’s still impressive.

Lilli Flower is my daughter and she is five. She’s about to earn her cutie mark, I can see it. She loved to talk, draw, write… I hope it’s something she loves and doesn’t dislike her mark. I did when I got mine, but that’s because I got a road with two trees.

Timber, that’s my little foal. He’s two… no, three. He’s three, that’s right. He got two cakes on his birthday. One from the neighbors and one from me. He was so happy he couldn’t stop galloping around. His little saddle barely had a chance to stay on with his energy and his mom had to keep stopping him to adjust it to fit him until it was pinching his skin.

When the party was over we took his saddle off and took a little fur with it. I was a bit upset but he was so happy, and thankfully asleep, that I couldn’t be mad at my wife for what she did. It wasn’t malicious, after all. He just really wanted to dress up.

Well, I’m a baker and cook at a local restaurant. I was fired from my last job recently but got a new one at a really nice place. A place frequented by the best of the best and the worst of the worst. A place where everypony knows your name and is always happy to see you, and if they aren’t they will be soon.

That’s right, I work in a bar kitchen.

It’s a little place with lots of loud music and ‘new beats’ as the youth call them. I can’t get into music that doesn’t have words or makes me shake in my horseshoes. I swear I can feel my teeth vibrating sometimes. Just between us, journal, I’ve sat on the floor and had some special moments, too.

For a stallion, that’s a big deal… that much bass, I can understand why mares love this place after one event that almost happened. Yeah, I almost climaxed sitting on the floor in the kitchen, mares must lose it easy when the music is pumping, bumping? Thumping? Whatever they call it.

There’s this cute mare, a servant of the owner, who I like to flirt with when I’m there alone. A lot of nights I work alone since it’s not that difficult making salads and soups for a bunch of drunk partiers. There’s a small book collection to keep me occupied when I’m done with my tasks at work and there’s more than enough tail to look at when it gets late enough.

The worst part, I think, of working where I do is that I can’t mate with the mares. I mean, sure, I could, and my family would never know… but they’re drunk, and that isn’t right. But, I have a lot that isn’t right about me, I guess. I have issues, that’s why I got you, journal. I won’t have a lot to say most days, but when I do write in you, it’ll hopefully make my life seem a bit better.

Maybe the troubles I have or, whatever, will be eased and I can get through them by writing them out. Write in you later.

Entry 3

Work was tartarus. Is that even supposed to be capitalized? I don’t care. Tartarus! BUCK ME WITH A HORN! There, I said it today and wrote it just now. My boss got fired. They know I’ve been there a little while, a couple moons, but I’ve done so much and was ready to take the spot as head cook at this dumb kitchen in a dumb bar.

The boss said he will put an add in the paper and if no one else takes the job in two weeks he’ll consider me. ME?!

Like I’m the second meal from a rabbit’s butt.

I’m the vomit the dog eats.

I’m the pony that gets the mare second or third in the line and has to mix my fluids with the others’. All sloppy and BUCK A DUCK verlion queef ice cream with no cheery or whipped cream!

I’ve been cooking for six years and you think I’d get a hoof up? You think that a great colt would move up a rung on the latter. What the tartarus am I supposed to do?! Wait until some idiot, plot hole, comes in from Celestia knows where, and is my new boss? Changing the way everything is done? Everything I’ve set up? The salads go to the right and pizza’s are on the left. The manager that was just fired had them crossing over each other in the middle!

Well, what about those of us who can’t use magic huh?! I don’t have a horn so it matters where stuff is. What if they get another unicorn head cook? I’m verlioned, seriously. There’s no way I can queef my way out of this.

And the bartenders are teaching me new swears I don’t know WHAT THEY MEAN.

Maybe I can queef the boss’ wife. She seems like a reasonable lady and would be open to some discussion.

I can give her something to bribe her? Get a good word in with the owner, maybe I can queef him too Beg him for more bits. I hope queef’s slang for talk. The guys were talking about it coming from her lips, so it has to, right?

Celestia help me if I’m learning the foal’s lingo wrong. Maybe I can have a queef with Celestia someday. That’s reaching, though.

Okay, I feel a little better. I, just need to relax. I think I know a mare who can take four minutes and make it seem like twelve.

8D)

That’s a smile, I can’t really draw.

And cherry is spelled wrong up there, but I was upset. Furious. You know what, journal, I think I made the right choice writing in you. You’re a better listener than most ponies, you don’t fly away like that bird I got. And you don’t talk back like my wife or friends. Hehe. I’ll see you soon. XOXO

It’s a very stallion thing to do XOXO, right? Queef ya later.

Day 6 and 7... Uh oh.

Day 6
Friday January 15 2016

The day started with us waking up and closing the windows in the middle of the night and all joining on the children’s bed to warm up and be close. Lilli woke us up as she scrambled to the bathroom to go first and then we all spent a while going because the Taco Bell didn’t sit right with us and we had to use the toilet on the first floor that was really small and that only one of us could get into at a time.

After we had gone we ate our breakfasts quietly and did our best to ignore the smell in the house that we’d made but we decided the best thing to do was go for a morning trot and leave the back door open to air it out.

We made our way to the same path on the other side of the river and as a family took a long canter, since the foals could never keep up with us if we galloped, and carried the foals back home on our backs since they had become very tired. Amber was going to use her magic but we decided that she should save it in case we needed it for something important, like a river monster.

She scoffed at us and told us there were no monsters on Earth and we said that just because they didn’t tell us didn’t mean there weren’t any. She was a little worried crossing the bridge with the foals that time but we told her we were joking and that even if there were river monsters they couldn’t get through the ice without warning us far in advance.

We stopped and looked at Subway, but it was closed because it was so early and we passed by some people walking and greeted them and they greeted us back. It was a good morning and we made it back home and closed all the doors and turned the heat on a little higher just to warm the house while we showered. We still couldn’t get us all in but Amber and me showered with Timber and then Lilli and Blueberry showered and we all groomed and brushed each other well before breakfast.

We skipped eggs and stuck with oats and canned fruits that we pulped with a blender and had kind of a smoothie, but a poor quality one with our meal. We went to the bathroom again and it didn’t smell the house up and that was celebration enough for us to turn on the TV and listen to some human music while we wrote in our journals and then practiced our human alphabet.

Rock and roll is good on earth! They have so much variety that we couldn’t decide and stopped on a rock and roll station and it was exciting to work to. Melody came over and Amber let her in while the rest of us were dancing to a fun song that she said was by a band called Shinedown. We liked their name because that’s what the sun does and the moon, too!

We turned off the TV and she practiced a little Equestrian before we started our English lessons and by the time we were done with our two hours she said we were talking like five year old humans, which was amazing for such a short time. We told her we studied and practiced a lot because we didn’t want to seem ignorant and she gave me and Amber a hug and ruffled Blueberry’s mane with her fingers and usually he’s upset getting his mane messy so early but he just blushed and smiled at her.

I couldn’t help but worry about him and his intentions because he was an attractive cold back home and who knows how women see equines here! We never really covered cross species mating so we’d have to ask someone that would tell us. Amber and I spoke about it briefly while Melody went to the bathroom and we decided we’d ask at the ‘Kay tonight when we met our friends.

We invited Melody but she had other plans and we understood, so when she left we asked our Facebook friends for a ride in a car or wagon to the tavern and we got dozens of replies so we picked one and said we’d be ready at nine o’clock and for us to be picked up then. We washed our clothes in the laundry machine and the drying machine saved a lot of time and made a nice sound that we all kind of drifted off into a light sleep to, until is screamed a buzzing noise and scared us all awake.

Nothing is better than warm clothes from a drying machine, that’s for certain. We had access to them back home, but why waste bits when there’s a clothesline in the alley? We bundled up and got cozy in the living room and talked about what the night would have in store and Blueberry was excited to be at a human pub and see what it was like and so were we so we kind of talked and wasted the rest of the day around the house.

We didn’t really do anything productive but we did play with the foals a lot and since we couldn’t really go out to play we just did it all over the house. We played tag, hide and seek, wagons and bandits, and even cutie cards until it was suppertime. Us adults ate a lot of oats and bread and we each had a raw egg for our stamina while the foals ate peanut butter and jelly on toast and went to bed early because of the long day they’d had of playing with us all.

We took a nap ourselves and woke up in time to get our winter coats and scarves on and the people that were driving us were early by a few minutes. It was two men and they smelled of herbs that we knew very well! When we asked them for some they said they could but were cautious of giving us any and when Amber ate some they scolded her and smoked it!

We had never smoked herbs before so we tried it and my head started to spin and everything looked clearer at first then after I stopped coughing they started to drive us to the pub and we shared more herbs all the way there. Blueberry was the least used to them because he usually ate his and never had smoked anything before but he did fine.

We got to the ‘Kay and it was full of people waiting to meet us and we didn’t really know what to say because the herbs made us a lot slower but we still shook hooves with every person we met and greeted them all as our heads cleared a little. There was a pitcher of what we thought was mead but was actually what they call beer and it was stronger than what we thought it was going to be.

Us ponies thought we were tough drinkers, but after a couple glasses of beer and the herbs all we could do was laugh and tell jokes in Equestrian and we forgot where we were and the customs and me and Amber went out of the way to have sex and we were caught and they cheered for us while we did it.

Amber finished really fast and said I felt bigger than ever before and I didn’t get to finish but some women that were drunk said they’d help but I didn’t want Amber to be upset with me so I politely declined and went back to our booth and ordered some food to help clear our heads and balance our tummies.

I don’t know how much food we had, but we couldn’t eat enough it felt like and when we were full we went to the bathroom and threw up some and went back out to eat and drink more. It was a ton of fun and we were happy to make everyone so happy and we knew we’d all have stories to tell because some people were having sex in their chairs too and we liked the ‘Kay because it felt a lot like home.

We got home somehow and fell asleep in the living room and slept all night and in the morning we really regretted having so many drinks and smoking the herbs since we usually just ate them and we couldn’t really remember the night but we knew it was fun so we had to go back sometime.

We got an angry call from our helpers but we couldn’t understand them because we didn’t want to think in English and Written Letter got in the fohn call and told us there were photographs of us all over the human internet having sex at the bar and that was not okay to do in public places on earth and that we weren’t allowed to go out to pubs anymore because it was a public relations nightmare that she and the helpers were going to have to try to fix over the next few weeks.

We did feel kind of bad about making fools of ourselves and forgetting human customs so we apologized and said we’d be more mindful in the future but didn’t tell her about the herbs because we didn’t want anyone thinking that played a part in our fun. I just can’t believe they have herbs here and they smoke them, I wonder what else they have here.

We brushed our teeth and tongues very well and skipped breakfast, only having coffee while the foals ate dry oats and water because we couldn’t cook at all and they didn’t mind too much and they understood because they know we like to drink socially, but whatever happened last night couldn’t happen again.

The more I thought about it the more I wondered what was going to happen and if we’d lose friends for being so aloof and out of our minds so I told everypony that we weren’t going to use anymore herbs or drink hardy again while we were here because it was insulting to ponykind and they agreed, also that the headaches weren’t worth it, either.

We looked on Facebook and there were photos of some women holding my erection and smiling a lot while Amber was asleep for a few minutes after her orgasm and Blueberry didn’t look too good laying his head on the table with a pitcher of beer in his hooves.

We looked like idiots, town drunks, fools.

We are going to have a lot of explaining to do and then have to apologize a lot, so we apologized to our friends on Facebook for our behavior and then went for a trot around the block and didn’t shower after we got back because we were so tired. We napped while the foals played and when Melody came over she felt bad for us because she saw the photographs online and knew we were embarrassed about the events so she passed teaching us and took us all in her esyouvee to a mall to walk about.

There were a lot of shops and it wasn’t long before we forgot our drunken adventure, what we could remember, and started looking through stores at clothes and toys! There were shops that sold clothes that wouldn’t tailor for us but told us who could, locally, and that made us happy because we wanted more variety in our outfits than just winter clothes and a couple dress outfits.

We sized some boots, too, and there was a man who knew a farrier that could give us horseshoes and that was nice to know so we got the information and put it in my saddlebags. We found a pet store and we wanted to buy a small dog, but we couldn’t because dogs weren’t allowed in our house here and we decided we’d make a place outside for it so we could have one starting the spring and take it home with us.

We were told that we couldn’t take the dog to Equestria because it may carry a sickness that would affect the other dogs back home. We said it was silly but we couldn’t argue the point in English because we didn’t speak it enough so we relented. We did but some small toys for the children to chew on that made noises and looked like fun to tug of war with and we found out we could buy some hay and straw so we got a bag of wood chips and straw from the petshop and snacked a little.

It wasn’t very good and made a mess on the carpeted floor, but it reminded us of home so we decided to buy more to take home. We left and made our way back out, stopping for a pretzel as we passed and a couple soda’s that Amber carried in her aura and we sipped out of.

The foals had a fun time, too, and while we were leaving they saw a video game arcade and played some games there and won a lot of tickets and traded them for some human stuff. I think it’s all junk, but they’re happy so I won’t complain while they lose or break them.

We left and went to a restaurant called Olive Garden and it was just opening and we got a nice table with comfortable enough chairs and we all got salads and waters and potato soups until we were full to bursting.

We thanked them and paid with our credit card and left a few bits on the table to tell them they did a great job and when we were leaving the manager stopped us and tried to give them back to us but we refused and told him they were golden bits and they’d earned them.

He thanked us and we explained to Melody that bits are solid gold with some diamond chips inside and she said that the bits we left them could probably buy a small house, if she did the math right.

We thought it over and we decided to let Amber do the math on bits to credit card ratio when we got home and then we left for home. Once we were home we unpacked our goods and put them away in places they wouldn’t make a mess and used a tote for our wood chips and straw and all took a bite of the stuff. It tasted better than it had at the store so that was nice.

We said goodbye to Melody and Amber did the math with some help from the internet and our 300 bit allowance would easily buy us a house, several houses, if we transferred our bits to human money over the next couple months.

We called and talked with our helpers and they were a lot calmer now and said that they’d have to get back to us, but there wasn’t a law against buying a house that they knew of but to wait until they found out and to not go ahead and do it or we might be in big trouble. I understood what he meant even before Written Letter had finished translating it.

I thanked them and we were very excited to be able to buy a house here and maybe the next ponies to come over would be able to live in it and it could be a pony house, of sorts. We started looking for houses to buy and there were so many that we started looking at them just for fun and decided on several houses to buy.

We ate dinner and planned our house buying almost all night until the foals went to bed and Amber and I stayed up talking about how huge human houses were and if we got one we’d need a couple pony families or pets to make it feel more like a home than just our family since there’d be so much space and we decided we’d just cross that bridge when we came to it because we needed a house, first, before we could make any real plans.