Some Purple, some pink and a sprinkle of Grey

by derpyhooves15

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 2372

Twilight, Pinkie a Derpy's detective aggency

Equestria, peaceful, pleasant and pretty. A place where crime is unheard of, and a pony can do what they want without fear of savagery and corruption.But the Cake's wake up to find their cupcakes supplies gone and the rest of their confectionery lying slaughtered in pools of cream and custard. The shocking news spread, and Ponyville wants answers to which new ruthless crime lord could do such a thing, and where he will strike next. They realize, this is a job for confectionery cops, Purple and Pink.
(picture irrelevant to story)

EDIT!: I wrote this fic several months ago and gave up on it pretty fast. Don't expect much and most likely it will not be updated. I'm only publishing now to see what sort of reaction It will get.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-24 04:00:01 UTC

Pulverized Pastry

Chapter 1: Pulverized Pastry

Mr cake stirred from his peaceful slumber and rubbed his eyes with his hooves. It was a beautiful day for him, waking up next to his darling wife and hearing nothing but the faint chirping of a bird in the distance. Pale sunlight swam through a crack in the velvety curtains draped around the window and it caught the small amount of dust swirling gently in the still air. It was one of his mornings, the very best, where Mr Cake could be happy all day, no matter what happened. He pecked his wife on her blue cheek and she mumbled ever so slightly, a dopey smile appearing on her face. Mr Cake rolled his lanky body out of the bed, touching his hooves down in the thickest part of the rug as to not make a sound. With subtle steps, he shuffled out of the room and slipped through the door and onto the landing. He trotted along the corridor, taking but a second to peep into their Young foals bedroom, spotting them both asleep in there individual cribs. Now he walked towards the stairs and stepped past Pinkie Pie's currently vacant bedroom, as she was staying round Twilight's house for the night as they worked on some project. He went down the stairs and into the room below, the kitchen to be precise. It was dark in here and he stepped forwards to open the shutters on the shop floor, to spread some light on his humble abode. As he put his hoof down, he met something thick, sticky and soft. He was puzzled and took another step, stepping this time on something round and crunchy. Mr Cake dashed forward and reeled up the shutters as fast as possible, before flicking around. He let out a girlish scream. Coating the floor were all their finest pastries, slaughtered and destroyed, lying in pools of custard and cream. Jelly and Icing were cast against the wall and crumbs were plastered across the counter. Out of all the destruction, not one cupcake could be seen, but no other pastry was entirely whole anyway.

"Honey!" screeched Mr Cake, his shrill voice echoing around the shop floor and the upper house. There was no reply.

"HONEY!" screamed Mr Cake again, this time making the windows themselves shake at the volume of his voice. Hooves rumbled upstairs and a bewildered mare shot down the stairs, skidding across the floor on custard at the bottom. She regathered herself and looked around, her mouth falling agape and her knees trembling.

"Get the kids, get the kids and go. Head to Twilight's place and get her, Pinkie to. Stay there till I come for you." Mr Cake said all this with surprisings calm, considering the massive amounts of devastation before him. Mrs Cake walked slowly upstairs Mouth still agape and tears forming in her eyes. She was nearly sick as she past a lone gingerbread pony, his legs snapped and his face blown away by magic. She ran upstairs,to return but seconds later holing two bundles in her saddlebags. She looked at her husband one last time, as she suppressed her sobs. Then, with a wail, she dashed out the door in the direction of the library.

*****

"There you go Pinkie, all done!" Said Twilight as she handed the buzzing pony the L shaped device, with "Mare M6 Magic Pistol" Engraved on it's side. Pinkie took it from Twilight and gave it playful twirl, much to the purple pony's disgust. "Sweet Celestia, be careful Pinkie! A blast from that will knock any pony out cold for a good few hours."

"Okie Dokie" Said Pinkie before placing the pistol into the holster strapped to her belly. The two ponies had been preparing their gear for their up coming business. Confectionery Cops. After the incident on the train with the bakers, they had found that they had a knack for solving problems with cake's, and had decided to form their own agency, mostly for fun of course. But now they stood there in matching Hats with "CC" emblazoned in bright pink letter on the black peak. Both wore a webbing yoke, covered in pouches and pockets alike, containing odds and ends for investigation purposes. Pinkie now sported the pistol twilight had fashioned for her. After all, the Pink pony was devoid of the magic Twilight possessed. Twilight examined each of them vigorously.

"Don't you think we've gone a bit over the top, we look like we're going to beat ponies to the ground and drag them into a cell, instead of investigating what happened to there stolen sweets or corrupted cakes."

Pinkie looked at Twilight as if you had been hoofed in the face.

"But its not as fun without this stuff."

Twilight had to admit, this was very fun. Especially the hat, because hats are damn sexy.

"Ok, ok, its pretty fun I admit, but I doubt we will even get our first case for a-"

A swift series of knocks at the door interrupted her mid sentence. Twilight threw of the cap and pulled a robe over her webbing. She would be out in public in it soon anyway but answering the door in it was just a tad embarrassing. She trotted to the door and opened it with a beaming smile on her face. On the outside was a teary eyed and tired Mrs Cake.

“Ms Sparkle, I need your help, there has been a break in at the bakery. All our cakes and cookies have been crumbled, our muffins mangled, doughnuts destroyed and our cupcakes have been stolen.”

Twilight was shocked by the rather sudden appearance of the mare and two foals. And she quickly brought them in from the cool early morning air. Once they were settled on the sofa, Twilight enquired about the situation.

“Now, can you tell me more of what happened?”

“I know little more than you do Ms Sparkle, you best go to the bakery and talk to my husband, he was the one who found the murder scene.” Said Mrs Cake, the panic still clear in her voice. Twilight jumped from the chair she was sat in and walked into the other room where Pinkie was sat cleaning her new pistol before it had even been used.

“Pinkie, we got a case.”

Pinkie jumped in the air with glee.

“Jippity Gippity yay! Who is it, where is it, can I take my pistol, can I shoot somepony?”

“The Cake’s, Sugar cube corner, yes, probably not.” Said Twilight, anticipation growing inside her. She de-robed, and placed her cap back on her head making sure her horn didn’t poke through the top.

“Confectionary cops, lets roll out!” Bellowed Twilight. She trotted out of the door, Pinkie literally rolling behind her.

Cake Cleanup

Chapter 2

Cake Cleanup

"MOTHER OF MUFFINS" Screeched Pinkie Pie as she skidded through the open door of sugar cube corner. Twilight sparkle walked in after her baffled colleague and took a good slow look around the broken bakery. There was no sign of forced entry, or hoof prints in the sticky mess of slaughtered sweets. She used her magic to take a few snap shots of the scene, before conjuring them onto parchment which she proceeded to roll up and place in one of the pockets on her webbing.

"Pinkie, slow down, you will mess up the crime scene and next time, check the door before you rush through, who knows what traps or baddies could have been inside"

Pinkie hung her head at being scolded. As her eyes focused on the floor at her feet, she let out a sudden gasp.

"Oh, Oh, Twilight, lookie here, I think I found one of them clue thingies!"

Pinkie Pie took a step to the side and moved her head, beckoning Twilight over to where she was standing. Twilight moved cautiously to where Pinkie had been standing. On the floor was a tooth, yellow and old with a layer of scum covering it.

"Pinkie, I do believe you have found a clue, this tooth will be useful in our investigation." Twilight levitated the tooth into a plastic bag, which she then placed into another pocket on her webbing.

"Ok Pinks, you rope the place of and stand on guard outside, I will go upstairs and find Mr Cake."

Pinkie gave a mock salute and turned towards the door, whistling as she went. Twilight made for the stairs. As she placed her first hoof on the bottom step she quickly shouted out of the door.

"And don't shoot anyone!"

Twilight hastened up the stairs and trotted along the landing towards the Cakes bedroom. with a hoof she slowly opened the door. Mr Cake was sat on the edge of the bed, a small pool of tears on the floor. In his arms he was cradling an iced bun.

"She is the only survivor." He spoke solemnly, without taking his eyes of the tear soaked bun. Twilight walked up to him and placed a hoof on his back, rubbing it in slow up and down movements. Mr Cake continued to sob on the bed.

"I'm sorry Mr Cake, I truly am. This crime against confectionery will not go unpunished I will hunt the bastard who did this down and make him pay for what he did. But first I need you tell me everything, come down outside with me."

"Yes, yes." Mr Cake lifted himself slowly from the bed and walked up to the pillow. He pulled back the blanket and laid the iced bun down on the soft mattress, then he tucked it in and gave it a small kiss on the "head". Twilight turned away and let Mr Cake follow her out at his own pace.

Once outside, they were met by a scene of confusion and dismay. Pinkie had placed a boarder of pink ribbon around the shop and a small crowd of ponies were gathered there all staring at Pinkie. Pinkie was stood over a cowering colt. She was holding her pistol to the colts head.

"Pinkie! What are you doing! I said no shooting."

"But he got to close, he must be the criminal."

At the use of the word criminal the ponies forming the crowd began to whisper and babble among themselves.

"Pinkie, be quiet, you'll make everypony nervous. Let him go, he's not the bad guy."

Reluctantly,  Pinkie Pie holstered her pistol. The colt scurried away over the pink ribbon and through the crowd. Twilight threw Pinkie a dirty look, before turning to the crowd.

"Would everypony please disperse yourself's. This is a matter concerning the Confectionery Cops."

Twilight continued to comfort Mr Cake while they waited for the crowd to disperse. Once the crowd was gone, Twilight began the interview.

*****

The midday sun beat down on the Ponyville market. Derpy was sat her muffin kiosk with Dinky resting beside her on the ground. business had been slow that day and Derpy was feeling nervous. After the incident at the Sugar Cube Corner in the morning, all cake sellers and muffin merchants had been on edge. Derpy was the only store open in the market that day, all the others had worried that they would be attacked by the criminal.

"Dinky, I think we might as well leave, ain't no pony buying my muffins."

As Derpy stood up to pack up her wears, a strange carriage came round the corner, being powered by magic. The carriage stopped on the other side of the dirt road running through the market and the window rolled down. Derpy ducked as magical projectiles shredded through her muffin store and ricocheted of the buildings behind. Crumbs and chocolate chips flew every where as the onslaught continued. Derpy picked up dinky in her fore hooves and cocked the little unicorns tail. Derpy stood up and rested dinky on the counter. She squeezed Dinky's hoof and burst of identical magical projectiles shot through the air and smashed into a building in the distance. Derpy adjusted her aim and let of another burst. The carriage rocked as the magic crashed into the side, only to be absorbed into the carriages frame. More projectiles skimmed past Derpy and her kiosk burst into flame. She rolled to the side and returned fire from a convieniantly placed brick wall. Dinky began to pant at the huge use of magic.

"Come on Dinky, you can do it!" screamed Derpy. "These ponies just destroyed our muffin stall, lets get revenge."

Dinky fired the magical projectiles with increased gusto. More projectiles skimmed the wall sending shards of brick flying. Derpy took cover behind the wall.

"Dink's, this is hopeless. Help! Is there anypony who can help!"

From around the corner came two mares dressed in police hats and webbing. Derpy recognized them as Twilight and Pinkie Pie. They took up position behind the wall with Derpy.

"Damn, what the hay is going on! You ok Derpy?" Twilight screamed over the noise of bricks shattering.

"Yeh. I'm fine. Who are these ponies?"

"Dunno, but lets get em!" giggled Pinkie Pie, before drawing her pistol and firing wild shots over the wall. The carriage continued to rock both from the recoil of the ponies firing and shot hitting it. All three ponies were now standing behind the wall firing magical projectiles from filly, pistol and horn. Before long the cart was beginning to break up under the onslaught. Without warning, the wheels span and it tore away along the road.

"Pinkie, you follow the tracks and find out where is went, but don't go after the occupants alone. Derpy, take Dinky home then stop by the library, I need to have a little talk with you. Its obvious this is the one we are after pinkie, they targeted Derpy and her stall, a well known muffin vendor and the best muffin business in town."

Pinkie bounced along the road following the fresh tracks made by the careening carriage and Derpy headed home past her burning stall with a panting Dinky nestled on her back. Twilight doused the flames, then galloped back to the library, she had many notes to take and clues to solve.