Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were on a bench in the park. It was a warm day, there wasn’t much wind, it was around noon. Sweetie Belle sat with her back against the bench, letting her little hooves extend to the end of the seat, while Scootaloo sat upright, her tail curled around her legs. There were two juice boxes between them. One was apple flavored. The other wasn’t.
“I’m bored,” Sweetie Belle stated.
“Same here,” Scootaloo replied.
“Wanna go do something?”
“Sure.”
Then, they didn’t move. Instead, they continued sitting on the bench. A minute passed. Another minute passed. Forty-three seconds passed, whereupon Sweetie lifted her juice box with her magic, took a drink, then put it back on the bench. It was the apple-flavored one.
Scootaloo leaned forward a bit, stretching out her back, shimmying around a little to reinvigorate her joints. Then, she went back to how she was sitting previously. Her tail had displaced slightly. She didn’t notice.
A pony walked by them, and didn’t say anything. He was kind of tannish-brown. Neither Sweetie Belle nor Scootaloo knew him personally, though, so they didn’t say ‘hi’ or anything. Another pony walked by in a similar event.
“Hey,” Sweetie Belle said, looking at Scootaloo, “where’s Apple Bloom?”
“Beats me,” Scootaloo said, “Wanna go look for her in the Everfree Forest for a few hours?”
“I can’t. Rarity’s in there, making hats.”
“Oh, sorry.”
So, they didn’t go to the Everfree Forest. Instead, they continued sitting on the bench.
The bench was made out of wood and metal. It was probably pine wood or something. The metal was probably iron. It all painted black and green. Very drab colors, honestly.
Sweetie Belle scrunched her face for a moment, cringing her neck and shaking, then went back to normal. Then, she yawned. Scootaloo yawned, too.
Princess Twilight Sparkle walked up to them. “Hi girls!” She said, way too excitedly.
“Hi, Twilight,” Sweetie said.
“Hey,” Scootaloo said.
“Wanna go on a big adventure with me?” Twilight said, “I’m going to go up north, where it’s freezing cold, to meet some ice dragons! I’m going in this huge ship with a grizzled old sea captain, and he’s behind the times, but always one to stick with what’s righteous! All my friends are coming, too, so it’s sure to be a huge, life-changing experience! Spike may even find some distant relatives, and he could finally learn where he comes from!”
“Absolutely!” Sweetie Belle squealed, her face lighting up.
“It sounds fantastic!” Scootaloo exclaimed.
“Yeah!” Twilight shouted, kicking her front hooves in the air, “Let’s go!”
Then she put her hooves back on the ground, and the trio just waited there for a moment. Twilight stopped smiling after a hundred and eight seconds. Scootaloo coughed, covering her moth with her hoof. She covered her mouth with her other hoof. The moth flew away. Twilight checked her watch, then wondered where she got the watch from, then put her hoof back on the ground. Then she trotted away, bored. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo continued sitting on the bench.
Sweetie Belle pulled a small metal box out from under the bench, effortlessly, with her magic, and opened it. Inside the box, there was a sandwich! Sweetie Belle took it. Then, she took a bite out of it. Then, she took another bite out of it. She chewed on the two bites for a few seconds, then swallowed. She kinda rotated it around in her magic glow, then took a bite out of a corner. Then, she chewed and swallowed that one. This continued until the sandwich was completely eaten, and Sweetie Belle’s mouth was surrounded by crumbs. She wiped them off with her hoof.
Scootaloo yawned decisively. It didn’t accomplish much. She looked around at the park. More than anything else, it looked like a park. Then, she didn’t look at anything for a moment, plunging herself into total darkness, then relinquished herself back into the light. In most circles, this is known as blinking. Both fillies had been doing it the whole time.
Suddenly, Sweetie Belle was adorable, and everypony knew it. Despite this, they continued sitting on the bench.
“Hey Scootaloo, what’s the meaning of life?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“No clue.”
“Me neither.”
They swapped positions. Now Sweetie Belle was upright while Scootaloo laid back. This was advantageous to both of them, as it made Scootaloo look cooler and also hid Sweetie Belle’s soft belly from immediate attack.
Sweetie Belle lit her horn, then unlit it.
“Sweetie Belle, how many stars are in the sky?”
“Too many.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”
A little red line appeared below Scootaloo, but not Sweetie Belle. She wiped it away with her hoof.
Diamond Tiara came by with her best friend, Silver Spoon, as they were walking. They said hi to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo said hi back. Then, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon continued walking. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo continued sitting on the bench.
A small rock flipped over in front of them. This affected them in no way at all.
“Hey Scootaloo, you wanna die?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“Alright, let’s die.”
“How?”
“Well, do you have any rope?”
“No.”
“Well, there goes that plan. Oh well.”
So, they went on living, and continued sitting on the bench.
A small meteoroid crashed into the surface of the moon, making a little crater, too insignificant to be seen from the surface of Equestria. However, as it was the daytime, and it couldn’t be seen anyway, the fillies didn’t notice.
Sweetie Belle suddenly lunged over to Scootaloo, kissing her on the mouth, and the two began to passionately make out. Sweetie wrapped her forelegs around her friend, rubbing her chest against hers. A bright red blush ran across both their faces as they continued. Then, Sweetie pulled her face back, and went back to sitting as usual. Scootaloo looked at her.
“Your mouth tastes like garlic,” Sweetie Belle said, sticking her tongue out.
“Sorry, it’s from lunch,” Scootaloo said, looking downwardly.
“Now I don’t wanna be a lesbian,” Sweetie Belle said, crossing her forelegs grumpily.
“I thought you were a unicorn, though.”
“Oh, yeah, right,” Sweetie Belle said, going back to normal, “I guess I never really was a lesbian to begin with.”
“Aw, don’t beat yourself up about it,” Scootaloo said, reassuringly.
Sweetie Belle felt better. However, they continued sitting on the bench.
Rainbow Dash flew through the sky. Both of them watched. She crashed into a cloud, which dissipated into nothing. Well, not nothing. It dissipated into smaller pieces of condensed water vapor, which, as their density dropped, faded from view as the particles dispersed.
“Rainbow Dash is so cool, I wonder if she’ll hang out with us sometime,” Scootaloo said, smiling.
“Maybe we should go ask her,” Sweetie said.
“Yeah, and she could show us some cool tricks!”
Then, they didn’t go anywhere. Instead, they continued sitting on the bench.
Night fell like a bad PowerPoint presentation. Sweetie Belle was annoyed by this, however, and the Princesses could feel it. They knew they had made a mistake. So, Celestia returned the sun to the sky, while Luna pulled the moon back. It was still noon while they did this, so why it happened is unknown.
A stallion unloaded his dishwasher in the middle of the park. However, his cupboard was still at home, so he didn’t have anywhere to put his dishes. Sweetie Belle watched this unfold, but didn’t have anything to say on the matter.
Scootaloo spread her legs out like some sort of crazy pony. Immediately, everypony was interested in her hooves. An entire crowd gathered to look at her hooves. Fourteen journalists showed up, and began documenting every single possible feature they could write about her hooves, while nearby, Sweetie Belle’s dainty little hoofsies were garnering a small but dedicated fanbase, who wrote, drew art, and made thesis papers of and about them. A national phenomenon was happening, and soon corporations were beginning to stick their dirty hooves into it, selling T-Shirts and posters with designs of Scootaloo’s hooves, never having asked her permission, and were making a killing off this filly’s success. Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle’s hooves had become a symbol for rising demands of equal love for hooves without capitalist gains, pictures of which were spread through social circles and worn by college students everywhere.
Then, Scootaloo closed her legs, and it went back to normal. They continued sitting on the bench.
A balloon flew by, angrily. The two fillies didn’t want to bother it, so they let it go.
“Hey Scootaloo, you know Applejack?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Who?” Scootaloo asked in-turn.
“Applejack.”
“Who?”
“Applejack.”
“Who?”
“Applejack.”
“Oh, yeah, I know Applejack.”
“Oh, okay. Nevermind.”
Big Macintosh approached them, a bouquet of flowers in his mouth. “M-mah princess… Ah haff tuh ask… M-may mah family please haff a bountif’l harvest this yeah?”
Sweetie Belle patted him on the head and accepted the flowers. “Sure!”
“Oh, thank ya, thank ya!” Big Mac praised, bowing down rather ungracefully to her. Then, he trotted away happily. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo continued sitting on the bench, though.
Scootaloo took a sip from her juice box, then put it back down. “Hey Sweetie Belle, wanna save the world?” She asked.
“Maybe, what’s it about?” Sweetie replied.
“Oh, you know, the usual.”
“Okay, sure, I’ll do it.”
Then, they didn’t go anywhere, and continued sitting on the bench.
Sweetie Belle clapped her hooves together. Nothing happened.
Scootaloo sneezed, whereupon a nearby pony said “gesundheit.”
A house caught on fire down the road. A family of three were in a panic, but luckily, the fire station stopped the fire before it could spread any further. The two fillies never saw it, however.
Sweetie Belle suddenly grew twenty feet larger. This made the bench very uncomfortable for Scootaloo, as she was now pressed between the underside of Sweetie Belle’s fat rear and the top of the now flattened bench.
“Oh, sorry,” Sweetie Belle said, leaning forward and letting Scootaloo scoot out from underneath her butt.
“It’s okay,” Scootaloo said, climbing up Sweetie Belle’s hoof, then up her leg to sit down on her thigh, leaning back against her side.
Sweetie Belle sighed. “Great, now Rarity’s gonna have to buy me a bigger bed.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Scootaloo replied.
“Yeah, but it takes forever.”
“Sounds about right.”
Despite this, Sweetie Belle continued sitting on the remains of the bench, while Scootaloo sat on her thigh.
Sweetie Belle lifted up her juicebox and took a sip. Despite everything, it was still apple flavored.
There was a small resurgence in popularity for Sweetie Belle’s hooves, but it wasn’t anything to write home about.
Scootaloo began playing a video game. She played through the intro level, and then the first proper level, but got stuck on a puzzle in the second level. She saved her progress and stopped playing for a bit.
“I think Pinkie Pie’s doing cupcake tasting today,” Sweetie Belle said.
“Sounds awesome, why haven’t we gone yet?” Scootaloo replied.
“I dunno, let’s go!”
Then, they didn’t go. Instead, Sweetie Belle continued sitting on the remains of the bench, while Scootaloo sat on her thigh.
It was now the afternoon, which means that it’s still as warm as it was during noon, but the sun’s in a different spot than usual.
Starlight Glimmer showed up, then vanished from history altogether. This didn’t affect anything.
Fluttershy flew through the park, bumped into the two fillies, then apologized profusely for five minutes and twenty-seven seconds. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” She cried, laying face-down on the dirty road. Scootaloo thought she was being insincere, but Sweetie Belle kindly believed her, so Scootaloo agreed with her friend and accepted the apology. Fluttershy then went on to steal Sweetie Belle’s teddy bear from her home.
Sweetie Belle yawned, which made Scootaloo yawn.
Scootaloo leaned forward and buzzed her wings, which blew the fur on Sweetie Belle’s side around a bit, but didn’t do much otherwise. She sighed, and went back to reclining on Sweetie’s leg.
A small insect exploded for no good reason. What a jerk.
Princess Cadance came to visit the two fillies. “Hey, you two ponies whose names completely elude me, wanna look at my hidden map?”
“Sure!” The two fillies said, excitedly.
Princess Cadance showed them the map. They had no clue what location was on it, but it sure was a nice-looking map.
“Thanks for showing us the map, Princess,” Sweetie Belle said, smiling.
“Oh, it’s no trouble at all,” she replied, then went to the train station to return to the Crystal Empire. Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle continued sitting on the remains of the bench, while Scootaloo sat on her thigh.
A few more minutes passed. Sweetie Belle looked down at Scootaloo. “Hey Scootaloo, did you know that eggs are cool?”
“Yeah.”
“You bet they are.”
Author's Note
Alternate title: Things Don't Happen
