You know, some people who have been on the brink of death say that every memory, experience, love, joy, and pain that you have ever beared flashes throughout your mind in an instant to where even time seems to stop as a final farewell?
It's total bullshit.
What kind of cop-out is this? No flashback of all the great things in my life? No? Nothing? What about that one birthday with the-NO no, nevermind. Please don't remind me of that.
OK, it's not a fact that I'm dead but how could it even register to me that some idiotic sod could run me down or shoot me in the gut. No I'm not dead... wait... Am I dead? No, no way; it's not possible... I-I think.
In the gaze of the beyond, you stare into what is indescribable in beauty and splendor. A hallway that teemed with a magnificent light that stretched for miles ahead of you. An eerie essence hovers over your person as you calm your thoughts. Your body felt as if it were the air around you, yet when you worked to move yourself, it did just that. Taking another step, your confidence had grown to which you began pacing yourself down the narrow stretch of light and cloud.
There! After a seemingly endless walk, a change of color in the distance. Every step felt like a new revelation as you race to discover what lied beyond. Where the color differentiated the back of the hallway, it was a glamor of the colors that we named the rainbow. You stop, staring into what was a wall of rainbow, carefully moving your arm forward, you reach to touch the sight. What was ahead however, took you for surprise:
As your hand graced the rainbow wall, a sudden jerk sucks your hand forward, inside of the wall. Panicking, you try lurching yourself backwards in order to free your hand. Unsuccessful, you blindly attempt to use your other arm to push off the wall.
Bad idea.
Swearing as you realized that BOTH of your arms were now submerged, you sat momentarily, staring at your ridiculous situation. You attempt to conjure a plan in your head, sighing as your faint attempts at releasing yourself once more. Suddenly, a small idea that you had pushed back had now crept forward into your mind.
You gulp, preparing yourself for what you could not expect. With a final push forward, your whole body effortlessly slides through the wall and disappears from the hallway forever.
In a slur of monochromatic colors, your body is falling, fast. However, as you descend, a warm and comforting feeling softens your fall to what was like resting on a cloud. The world around you dimmed as the vibrant colors washed out to white, and then to a grey, before finally closing into a black void.
In the distance, you could of sworn you heard the light chuckling of a woman.
You gasp, lurching your body forward as you grab your chest. You take in a mouthful of breath before working your eyes around your location. It was completely dark, say for the few beams of light that graced the inside of wherever you were.
You shook your head, contemplating your recent events with what you could only assume was your own purgatory. You hastily slap your hand across your face as your transcendence to where you were made you feel... strange.
Everything seems to be alright... You think to yourself, before taking a moment to glace around the extremely dim location.
From what you could make out, it seemed to be a rather small wooden room. Around you sat various small hay bales and assorted farming equipment that appeared fairly clean, but obviously used. Suddenly, you hold your nose in sudden awareness of the wretched stink from inside the barn.
Please don't be a dead body, please don't be a dead body! You nervously think to yourself as you slowly and dramatically turned to face the horrifying source of the smell.
Oh... It's just cow shit.
Forcing your body to move, you successfully worked into standing, whilst slouched awkwardly, still standing. In a slight daze, you hobble towards the exit of the room, before suddenly stopping by a dull sound that emanated from outside.
A large thump was heard, followed by what you could only assume was someone else's voice. The voice however, was beginning to grow in volume, and a clear southern accent was heard, and by a female at that.
Panicking, you quickly scan your eyes around the room, searching for a suitable hiding spot as the sound grew more and more distinguishable. Quickly rolling to the ground, you swore as your muscles were still ached from the transition. The hay bales that you attempt to shield himself with, however, were too small for you to crouch or even lay behind.
You begin to grow hysteric as your options had been limited to zero. Left with no choice, you nervously stand yourself up off the dirty ground and present yourself towards the door, completely visible to anyone whom opened it.
"-And Ah told 'em, that ain't no rope, that's a snake!" The voice exclaimed as the large doors of the room slowly opened. A slight chuckle followed as you pray for your fate, awaiting the subsequent reaction from the possibly insane killer farmer.
As the door had opened fully, two.... wait, what? Two.... Two.... PONIES walked in? You almost screamed had you not been stricken by an innate fear for intruding.
"Shucks, Applejack! You sure tell the best jokes!" A tan-colored stallion retorted as he followed the first who stopped as it's view looked forward.
No way... It can't be... You think silently in bewilderment, as you both stared at one another.
"Applejack? Is something wrong?" The stallion asked as he matched his gaze to her direction.
"Yer' darn right something is wrong, Caramel!" She stated, squinting her eyes suspiciously.
At this point, new options would reveal themselves. But unfortunately, would either be A) fanboying out, B) pissing yourself, C) losing your fucking mind, or D) All of the above.
Guess what?
"Oh god, A-Applejack hold up! I'm friendly alright! I-I know I look scary but seriously I wouldn't hurt a fly! No wait... How the fuck am I talking to you... Agh! No wait, I'm sorry! Don't hurt me alright?" You bicker insanely at the narrow-eyed pony who seemingly continued to inspect you. All the while, your pants began to grow uncomfortably moist.
"There used tah' be three bags of seeds back here!" She stated, walking right past the pathetic creature and to the side of the room where two large, green bags sat slumped against the wall.
"-Look! Now there's only two!" She waved to the stallion, who nodded his head in concern.
"W-Wait... um..." You work out, trying to understand, as the reaction you had expected wasn't quite like this.
"Applebloom or Big Macintosh must'a misplaced one again." Applejack told the stallion, sighing as she spoke.
"I swear, sometimes those two are dumber than... well these sack of seeds!" She joked.
"Um... Uh-Uh Applejack? Caramel? Fellas?" You hopelessly call out, shifting your gaze between the unwary two that inspected the bags.
"What was it ya'll were looking for again? Ah! An extra rake, right?" She questioned, standing back upon her four hooves and walking towards the back of the barn.
"Aheh yup! My darn ol' sister has warn out old one down to the stick!" Caramel replied happily as he followed her.
You, still completely baffled, decide to seek the opportunity of attracting their strangely unnoticeable attention. Spotting eye of the shiny, almost brand-new rake, you hustle over to it whilst vaulting over a small hay, sadly sending your weakened body tripping over it comically.
You glance off the bruise to your face as you had careened down, and quickly regained your stance, rushing to the rake.
As Applejack reached a hoof to grasp the rake, you finally manage to wrap your hand around the staff of it and you hold it triumphantly to your chest, chuckling as you await her reaction.
"Here ya go, partner! One brand-stinkin' new rake!" Applejack exclaimed, as you gasp, looking to the two ponies as Applejack handed a very familiar rake to the stallion. You quickly look at your hands, realizing that you are simply grabbing air as you attempt to comprehend just what the hell happened, searching around your body as if you dropped the original without realizing.
"Aw, Thanks ya Applejack. I'll be sure to bring it back soon!" Caramel reassured her as they both exchanged a smile.
"Nonsense, ya'll just keep it till ya'll don't need it no more!" She replied.
"Hah! How kind of ya! But uh... Knowing my sis', you might not get it back." He said with a slight tone of seriousness to it.
Applejack laughed as she patted the stallion on the back. Nodding his head, he quickly departed out the doors and left. Applejack grinned before sweeping random bits of hay and materials to the side of the barn with her hoof. As she also began to depart, you trace alongside her. You wave your hands hopelessly in front of her face. Snapping your fingers and jumping in front of her to make a ridiculous face before stepping out of the way.
"That's it!" You yell, as you boldly stand in front of her path. In held of a somewhat futile attempt, you stand stalwart as her course remains the same... right into you.
"Oof!" Applejack exclaims, abruptly bumping into your mid-section as she reveled back slightly.
It worked? IT WORKED?! You ecstatically exclaim to yourself as you prepare to greet her properly. However, as soon as you noticeably blink, Applejack had simply vanished in front of you like a phantom. Shocked, you look all around the general vencity, before finally turning around to catch a glimpse of orange exit the barn.
In a quick bout of vulgarity, you rush to sling the door open and to finally get into the open world. As you effortlessly swing it fully open, you are met with the abrupt gleam of sunlight. You raise a hand to shield the sun from your pale face as you watch the orange mare happily trot back into the nearby home.
Ahead, the beautiful landscape of the outskirts of Ponyville made you stop in your action to contemplate in it's found splendor. You stand momentarily, taking in the wondrous sights and sounds of the foreground. But it only took you a few moments before you glance down and realize how badly you had soiled your pants.
Beyond the world that you bore to witness, a clear thought remained in your head:
What the fuck is going on here?!
