Afternoon At The Summit

Chapters

The Plot Is Discussed
Train Of Thought
Baby Talk
Discussion and Reassurance
Monkeying Around
Dirty Talk
Meet Mom's New Girlfriend

The Plot Is Discussed

I sit atop the Planck-thin divide between this world and that world and those worlds and that world too. I lay nestled in the (0,0,0,0,...) coordinates, the Origin Point, the center of Everything. Infinitely finite, endless in sight, I gaze out towards the multiverse in search of amusement, to wile away the boredom of eternity. This is what I saw and what I had to say about it.

“Okay, so what’s all this about butts?” Twilight asked.

Starlight Glimmer shifted her eyes about. “What?”

“Not you, Starlight.” Twilight waved her off. She jutted that hoof across the table. “You guys!”

She pointed to her four friends arranged around the crystal table in a dramatic sweep. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie; the four looked at her and at each other with witless glances.

“What about our butts?” Pinkie asked.

“Gettin’ a little overdramatic there, Twi’,” Applejack said.

Twilight rubbed her horn, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry, I might have channeled Rarity there for a minute.”

“Dear, there’s not a thing wrong with that!”

“But I was thinking about the conversation we had back in Manehatten.” Twilight’s explanation was meant with blank stares. “The bar, remember?”

There was some squinty eyed looks between and some amount of recognition dawning over them, all except for the two who had not been there.

“That was awhile ago, Twi’,” Rainbow Dash said, cocking a brow, mirrored by Rarity. Pinkie had both raised and Applejack was furrowing. “I mean, what is your brain that you remember that chat and you’re bringing it up now?”

“I just got to thinking about Fluttershy’s butt.”

“Completely understandable.” Rarity nodded, dropping her look of skepticism.

“I realize that Fluttershy is really, really pretty. And that she has a great butt. We established that, right?”

“We always knew that.” Rainbow Dash shrugged, looking at Twilight like the alicorn just reminded her who the Wonderbolts were.

“I didn’t know that!” Twilight turned to the side. “Starlight, did you know that?”

“Fluttershy? Oh, yeah, she’s hot. Great butt.”

“Uugh, oh my gosh!”

“I really like her mane, though. Is that natural?”

“Completely,” Rarity said with a hint of pride. Grimacing a second later, she touched at her own mane. “I wish I could say the same. Sometimes that filly can drive me to jealousy.”

“You known her for a couple of years now, and you never looked at Fluttershy’s fanny?” Pinkie Pie asked, now the sceptical one.

“I don’t make a habit of checking you guys out!” Twi protested, exasperated and smacking the table with the side of her hooves.

Rainbow Dash raised her hoof. “Me neither. ‘Cept Fluttershy, cause dang.”

“For most of you, it’s been purely business, taking your measurements,” Rarity said. She tilted her head, closing her eyes. “But I will say, I have often appreciated what I saw. Each of you are prime specimens in your own right, from snout to flank.”

“Gosh, I boggled at all your booties!” Pinkie Pie said.

“Well, apparently, I’ve been missing out!” Twilight rolled her scowling eyes.

“Anything to add, Applejack?” Rarity asked to her right.

Applejack was leaned up against her chair, hat over her face. Underneath, she mumbled something that couldn’t quite be heard. Around the side, Rarity could see a deep pumpkin color, making her cover her giggling mouth.

“Well, now I aim to fix that!” Twilight said triumphantly, her will picking up a quill and parchment from the foot of her seat. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while, so I fixed up a table where I can rate a posterior by size, heft, roundness and other factors. I just need all of you to line-up and-”

Applejack pushed her hat up and leaned over the table. “Nope!” She said, with barely any expression on her face except the barest grimace and a deep orange-red color. “We’re done here. This needs to stop.”

“Yeah, you said it,” Said Spike.

It was like a record player screeching to a halt. All eyes turned to Spike who took the moment to hop on to his throne.

“Spike, dear.” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes to hide the twitch in her lower lid. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Around the point Twilight admitted to thinking about Fluttershy’s butt.”

“Ah, good! So you heard all that.” Then Rarity set her face down on the table, forelegs wrapped around her snout and began screaming into the table.

Twilight scowled at him. “I sent you to get Fluttershy!”

Spike pointed behind her throne. “And I did.”

And now it was like the record player exploded after being dropped from an incredible height.

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie clutched themselves in shared spasming convulsions, the first round of laughter sucking the air out of their lungs and the rounds after that choked on the last remaining pockets of gas. Rarity had managed to just get her fainting couch behind her throne but she never managed to make it to it before the vapors collapsed her to the floor. Applejack rested her face against both her front hooves, giving a long, drawn out sigh of disgust and exasperation.

Twilight whipped around her throne so fast she actually banged her flank against the crystal table. The pained look she gave to Fluttershy was still far more embarrassment than anything else. She bit her bottom lip, eyes narrowing from the bottom and twitching over her. Fluttershy, for her part, curled her body close to the ground, looking up at Twilight and down at the ground.

“Um, thank you very much?” Fluttershy said. “I guess it’s okay if you like my, um, butt.” She squeaked.

Twilight cringed. Well, so did Fluttershy, but that’s to be expected. “Oh my gosh, Fluttershy, I’m-”

“If that’s okay with you.”

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you were there.”

“And does that make it better?” Slithered in a new voice into that conversation, dripping its way from on up.

Spike waved from his throne, grinning towards the ceiling. “Hi Discord!”

All eyes turned up to the tree root chandelier in the ceiling. His body was curled around the branches, like a lounging boa constrictor. He gave a dismissive wave to Spike, still looking down at Twilight. “I mean, really, talking about Fluttershy’s posterior behind her back. How could you, Twilight?”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Is there a reason you’re here, Discord?”

Discord tapped his chin, actually looking away from Twilight as something occurred to him. “Although, I suppose that would be an advantageous position to do it from, wouldn’t it?” He focused back on her. “Wha- oh! Yes, where was I?”

He slithered his body lower down from the branches, hanging upside down from the tree roots. “I suppose I did have a reason for coming here besides making a behind the back-posterior joke.”

Gazing with an expression of serious intent, he put himself face to upside right face with Twilight. He leaned closely towards her and making her lean as far back as the back of her throne would allow.

“When you see the three brothers, tell them I said, ‘Hi.’”

Twilight quirked a brow, moving as if to say something, but Discord would have none of it. As she opened her mouth, he grinned and snapped his fingers, disappearing like a popped bubble. He left Twilight opening her lips like a gaping fish. She looked across the table where Fluttershy was taking her seat now, Rarity pulling herself back up, too.

“Do you know what that was about?”

“Yes, that was rather sudden,” Rarity remarked. “Usually he sticks around for a little bit, doesn’t he?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “No, no idea. I do remember seeing him on my roof this morning. He was looking at Canterlot, rubbing his paws and, um, laughing.”

Pinkie perked. “Laughing, what kind of laughing?”

“Um, not a very nice kind of laughing. I tell him not to do that but then he just pats my head really condescendingly.”

“So, was it ‘YIHIHIHIII!’ or ‘HOHOHO!’ or-” She accompanied each laugh with an appropriate arch to her body, rearing back and then hunching forward.

“That one. But quieter.”

“Okay, so, more like a ‘huhuhu!’?” Pinkie rubbed her hooves together.

“A little more scraggly.”

“So like, ‘hue hue hue!’?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Yes, that’s it, that’s it exactly.”

“Okay, cool, just wondering.”

Twilight looked directly across the table. “You’re good then?”

“Yep!”

“Okay, good. So, first thing on the itinerary today is we go to the Everfree Forest, get the Elements of Harmony back and-”

Fluttershy jumped her front hooves on the table, wings spread and scowling. “Twilight!”

“C’mon, Fluttershy! He was laughing sinisterly at Canterlot! Where Princess Celestia lives!”

Fluttershy stomped her hoof. “No!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Ugh, fine!”

“You weren’t serious, were you, Twi’?” Spike asked.

“No, but it still makes me uncomfortable. Okay, so onto why I actually called you all here.”

“Wasn’t it to talk about butts?” Applejack asked.

Twilight closed her eyes. “No, that’s not why I called you here.”

Fluttershy lowered her head even as she raised her hoof. “I’m okay if we talk about butts.”

Twilight groaned. “No.”

“I’m sure I can handle it.”

“No, Fluttershy.”

“It’s really okay.”

Twilight closed her eyes, took a deep breath and released. A forehoof followed along, tossing all the stress away. Opening her eyes, she adopted a serene smile, stretched thin over the tension lying beneath. “Princess Celestia has asked me to attend a summit in Canterlot and invited me to bring all my friends along.” She twirled her hoof. “I want to bring all of you to Canterlot for this.”

An excited squeal. “Canterlot!?”

“Rarity, no, stop it, you already been to Canterlot. You own a shop in Canterlot, stop getting excited about this.”

“I’m sorry, Twilight, but this is a summit.” Rarity fanned herself. “There will be foreign dignitaries there from all across the Globe.”

“Yes. In fact, there may very well be state leaders visiting at this one.” She ignored Rarity’s sudden burst of palpitations and increased fanning as she continued. “As well as people Princess Celestia refers to as ‘The Ageless’.”

Rarity’s fanning slowed down. “Who? That sounds important.”

Pinkie placed her front hooves close together. “And also a little ominous.”

“Oo!” Rainbow raised her hoof. “I know that word!”

“Yea-ha! It was on my world calendar yesterday.”

Fluttershy turned to her. “What about today?”

“‘Scrumptious’! But I use that word all the time, so I decided to give ominous another try.”

Applejack narrowed her eyes. “Wait, hold on, is that why you told that new pony from yesterday that he had a surprise party and it was sure to be ominous?”

“Sure did!”

“That poor feller almost had a heart attack!”

Pinkie Pie deflated like a messed up souffle, sinking back into her seat. “Yeah, I really messed up the souffle on that one.” Yeah, see?

Starlight had been rubbing her chin during this little detour of a conversation. “You know what I think?”

“That we should give Pinkie a dictionary to go with her calendar?” Spike prompted.

“N-no. That these ‘Ageless’ sound like- that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna sound like they could be called ‘The Ageless’, so maybe these are ponies- people like them, who don’t age and live a long time.”

Twilight nodded. “Good guess, Starlight! That’s actually what I was thinking too. Princess Celestia’s letter mentioned that part of the reason for the summit was to introduce a new Ageless in Equestria to the rest of the world.”

“A new Ageless?” Spike said. “Does that mean you, Twilight?”

“Wow, you’re Ageless!?” Pinkie bounced on her seat. “That’s mean I’ll be able to plan so many birthdays!” Something flinched through her. “Except-” It was realization. “-I won’t be around for them.”

It was a realization that swept across the table, each of the girls’ eyes widening for a moment, except for Pinkie Pie, who looked downcast. “Oops, I just made it dark.”

And except for Twilight, who rolled her eyes. “Girls, no, I am not immortal.”

“You’re not?” Rainbow asked.

Applejack went after her. “How do ya figure?”

“For one, if it’s some kind of protocol to call everyone from around the Globe whenever one of these Ageless appears, then I think I would’ve heard about it when Cadance got her horn.”

“And other assorted pieces of anatomy!”

“Yes, right, thank you, Pinkie.”

Starlight leaned towards her teacher. “Cadance used to be a pegasus?”

“That’s right! She freed a sorceress from the grasp of an evil artifact terrorizing Cloudsdale.”

Starlight digested that for a split second and turned towards Rainbow Dash. “Cloudsdale?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I actually wasn’t there for that.” She smirked. “But my mom and uncle were!” She looked to her left. “Hey, Fluttershy, your parents were there too!”

“Yes.” Fluttershy flinched. “I was terrified.”

“For your parents?” Starlight asked.

“Them too, but I was there.”

Rainbow swung a hoof. “Oh yeah, you were visiting that day.”

Starlight looked intently at Fluttershy. “Well, what happened?”

Fluttershy sank into her throne some from the gaze and Rainbow Dash waved her hoof to catch Starlight’s attention.

“Okay, so, my uncle told me that some kinda biped, like a minotaur-”

Fluttershy spoke up. “A human.”

“Right, one of those! So some human filly with a stupid looking topknot show up on this huge hot dog shaped hot air balloon.”

“A zeppelin?” Starlight asked.

“A zeppelin,” Twilight confirmed.

Rainbow nodded. “Yeah, like one of those. So, he told me she pops up on one of those and starts doing some kinda bad juju that made all the color disappear.”

Fluttershy clarified. “The Empty Heart was devouring all the love and the song from Cloudsdale. I could feel it, everypony could. All the songs in our hearts, they were going quiet.”

Starlight peered at her. “You know what it was called? The artifact?”

Fluttershy was still cringing but she looked Starlight in the eye. “I remember. I could hear it. I know nopony else could, but I did. It was really quiet then, and I could hear a lot of things. I heard it talking to that girl. Her name was Megan, and she lost a lot of loved ones.” She looked at the table then, where the projection of Cloudsdale hung in projection of Equestria’s sky. “The Empty Heart had told her it would make all the pain go away. It was telling her this was the only way not to hurt anymore.”

All the other ponies, and one dragon, looked at one another and shot worried glances at each other. It was a bit of an awkward pause and Twilight tried to break it. “So, then what happened, Rainbow Dash?”

“Uh, yeah.” Rainbow looked away from her friend and collected herself. “So, this pink filly flies up to, uh, Megan and starts singing this really sad song.”

“A funeral dirge.” All eyes zeroed in on Fluttershy as she interrupted with that same distant tone.

“Oh, horseapples.”

“Cadance sung a funeral dirge to Megan. She told her-” Fluttershy’s eyes flickered. “She told her that it was okay to cry and she did. Her tears filled the Empty Heart.”

“Y-yeah,” Rainbow agreed, a little uncertainly. “That’s what Uncle Blitz told me, the waterworks start and this nasty artifact blows up and suddenly Cadance is an alicorn.”

“Right, I heard that story too,” Twilight said. She brought her attention back to Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, do you usually hear things like this?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “No. I can hear animals talks when nopony else can, but this was unusual.”

“Right, let’s put a pin on that for later.”

“Wowie!” Pinkie waved a hoof. “That was a plotload of exposition, wasn’t it?”

Fluttershy’s eyes fluttered and the remembrance she was in seemed to end. The trance it brought lifted and she suddenly seemed more aware of her surroundings. Self-consciousness returned and she flitted her gaze about, eyes widening. “Oh my gosh, you’re all looking at me!”

A pink blur appeared at her side and wrapped her forelegs around her. “It’s gonna be alright, ‘Shy! Nothin’ bad’s gonna happen!”

She was followed by something far more demure and white colored appearing on her other side and joining the hug. “That’s right, dearest. Everypony has something far more important to deal with.” Rarity’s embrace happened to block up Fluttershy’s vision of the table. Rarity looked back at them with a glare, making slicing motions with her hooves.

“Right!” Twilight looked away. “Where were we at before that?”

“You’re not one of these Aging guys?” Rainbow supplied.

“Ageless, and yes. If she were immortal, I think Cadance would have told me about it.”

Applejack tore a worried glance off of the group hug of their three softest friends and turned a skeptical glance at Twilight. “Ya mean like how she told you she was marrying your brother?”

And Starlight turned to her teacher again. “Wait, she didn’t tell you? He didn’t tell you?”

Twilight stared up with narrowed eyes. “Nope, not until the last second.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s terrible.”

“I know, right?”

“It’s almost as bad as inadvertently destroying the world with irresponsible time travel.”

“I kn-” Twilight paused and turned a stony stare at her student. Starlight returned with a cheeky grin.

“You’re being remarkably blase about that.”

“It’s how I deal with the crippling anxiety that rises up in me every time I think about that dead wasteland,” Said Starlight all too cheerily.

Twilight’s eyes narrowed. Her horn lit up as she lifted her student in her field. Starlight was levitated across the table to the pony pile. Yellow wings wrapped around her and she was absorbed into the warm embrace.

Applejack cocked a brow. “Uh…” She looked back at Twilight. “So, if this summit ain’t about you, Twi’, who is it?”

“Well, it’s not just about the new Ageless, whoever that is. Other matters will be discussed as long as all these world leaders are gathered in one spot.”

“Ya think it might be your niece?” Applejack asked.

“Precisely what I was thinking,” Twilight said. “I mean, it would tie into the mysterious circumstances surrounding her birth. It does bring into question whether the Crystal Empire is a part of Equestria.”

Spike raised a claw. “Are the Badlands a part of Equestria? Maybe the summit is about Thorax?”

“I mean, maybe? If he’s immortal now, that is. That would probably mean Chrysalis is too. We don’t know much about Changelings.”

Around that time, Rarity had extracted herself from the cuddle puddle with a sigh, dusting herself off as she returned to her seat. “Well, I’m certain that Chrysalis isn’t invited, no matter what. Speaking of which, Twilight, when is it? I want to know how long I have to prepare. I’ll need a dress of unparalleled beauty if I want to impress the dignitaries. Perhaps one for all of you too. No, not perhaps, definitely. How long do I have?”

“Well-”

An hour later…

Rarity sat on the train, forelegs crossed and a huffy expression on her face. “Your timing is of the worst sort, Twilight Sparkle.”

Author's Note

Nothing in here belongs to me, this is a goddamn fanfic.

This may, in fact, become a fanfic of fanfics. Several of them.

Therefore, any concepts that show up in here, they belong to everyone. Do you like my headcanon? Its yours now, here you go. Original character I come up with, all yours, feel free reuse them however you see fit. Shoot me a message, tell me about it, I probably won't care what you do with them, I'll be ecstatic.

Unless, like, you do that with them. Please don't do that.

Train Of Thought

“Rarity, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner, but the letter came in this morning.”

“This morning? Why would the Princess spring this on you so suddenly?”

The train car rumbled along with its cargo of six heroines, a hero and a reformed- reforming villainess. There was also a clown, two magic kung fu fighters, four magic kung fu dancers, a blissfully ignorant diamond dog, a lost princess from a distant land, a chupacabra, a prench dragon and his little sister, the reincarnation of an ancient Coatlian god-thing, an immortal bandit and her gang of superpowered thugs and an evil witch spread around that car. However, they’re not important right now. In fact, at least one of these things will never be important at all.

Closest to the window, Applejack napped across from Pinkie Pie, her hat pulled over her face while the later rocked side to side, humming the Smile song to herself. Spike sat next to Applejack and across from him Fluttershy. Across the aisle, Starlight sat in front of Rainbow Dash and Twilight in front of Rarity.

Speaking of those too, “I don’t have any idea, actually,” Twilight said, frowning at Rarity. “I find it rather abrupt too.”

“That’s strange.” Starlight looked to Twilight, lifting a weighing hoof as if offering up the disparity as evidence.

“Really now!” Rarity whined.

Twilight rolled her eyes back in thought. “Well, not that strange, and I guess I have some idea. Sometimes, Princess Celestia would pounce something on me out of the blue on purpose. As a test.” She looked back down at the floor. “I just thought that since I got these wings, and other assorted organs, that I was done with that sort of thing.”

Twilight’s eye darted over the cabin floor. She thought about tests and assignments cloaked as anything else from Princess Celestia. She was no stranger to manipulation by deception herself, she did that when she threw on that purple mask nearly a year ago, or when she participated in Pinkie’s plot with the filly scout cookies. Come to think of it, both stand-out examples seemed to involve that rainbow pegasus.

Rainbow Dash was well-meaning, fierce and driven, on top of being loyal to the point of rage if that which she cared for was threatened. However, she could be bone-headed and short-sighted, such that simply telling her something could be like trying to wear a boulder away with a stream. Tricking her into seeing the lesson in front of her, an effort the pegasus apparently seemed to appreciate, was sometimes the most promising method in another pony’s repertoire.

So what Twilight wondered, to Princess Celestia’s millennia old eyes, was everypony Rainbow Dash? That may explain quite a bit, but Twilight was still uncomfortable with the first time she used that method on her friend. Did Princess Celestia ever feel those kinds of regrets when she used manipulation, or did she feel justified that all other avenues had been tried, clearly would not work, carried too much risk or simply didn’t have the time?

Twilight’s musing was interrupted when everypony, no, Rainbow Dash, spoke up. “So I’ve been thinking.”

Six beings turned to pay attention to that. Rarity and Starlight hadn’t carried the conversation when Twilight going off into her own head, the conversation between Fluttershy and Spike had petered out and Pinkie had mostly been listening in on everyone else.

Rainbow let that one draw out into a pause, her eyes darting about in every direction. As the rest of them looked expectantly at her, she was looking the same at them. Finally, Rarity had to lean to the side with a furrowed brow.

“Yes, dear?”

“Huh, I was kinda expecting one of you to say, ‘Don’t strain yourself, Rainbow,’ or ‘That’s a first’ or take some kinda shot at ol’ RD or something.”

Pinkie Pie leaned forward in her seat, holding up a hoof. “That’s kinda reaching for the low hanging fruit there, Dashie.”

Applejack shifted in her sleep. “Mm, apples.”

“Yeah, like that!”

Applejack snorted and shifted in her chair. Forelegs stretched out, and she yawned, peeling her eyes open one at a time. “Mmm, he-ello, everypony. What’re we talking about?”

Rarity gestured. “Rainbow Dash was just telling us she had a thought.”

“Oh.” Applejack smirked. “Don’t strain yourself, Rainbow.”

Rainbow Dash threw her hooves in the air. “Finally! That’s what I said!”

Applejack blinked a bit faster, scowling and finding she wasn’t quite awake enough for this.

“Yes, before we give Applejack a headache, how about you tell us what’s on your mind, Rainbow Dash?” Rarity said.

Rainbow shrugged, leaning against her seat. “Alright, Twilight got me thinking about the stuff we talked about back at that bar too.”

There was a sound of a squeak and yellow wings shuffled over a body. Applejack scowled, looking past one pegasus to glare at another. “We ain’t bringing that up again.”

Rarity narrowed her eyes dangerously. “Yes, may I remind you that, this time, we are well aware of Spike’s presence.”

“Yeah, Spike doesn’t need to hear about this,” Twilight said. She looked to one side with a grimace. “More than he already has.”

“And I don’t want to, either.” Spike crossed his arms, matching Twilight’s expression.

Rainbow pressed her hooves and her face together. “Ugh. No, I’m not gonna talk about butts!”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Twilight said, clapping her hooves together.

“You’re the one who brought it up,” Rainbow told her, making the alicorn grimace some more. “But, yeah, I’ll try to keep it, uh… teen rated? Actually, Spike, are you a teenager? How old are you supposed to be? I mean, I know how many years you are but is that a teenager?”

“I’m a baby,” He said, uncrossing his arms to wave that off. “For a dragon. But also I’m thirteen years old. It’s not the same for dragons.”

“Oh, okay.” Rainbow Dash keeps staring at him for a moment before she shakes her head. “Anywho, since last time we talked about what everypony likes, I realized that we never got to you, Twilight.”

Also, they never got to Fluttershy, but that wasn’t up for discussion.

“I remember that conversation too.” Rarity flipped her hair, grimacing as well now. In fact, grimaces for everypony, except Starlight, who just look confused. “The core of discussion might not be inappropriate, if still embarrassing, but the language was. Be sure to tone it down, Rainbow Dash.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. So how about it, Twilight? Like, what about that one guy, what’s his name? Bling Sentry, that’s it.”

Twilight and Rarity, the both of them, stared at each other with widened eyes. Applejack, her eyes narrow and her grimacing got grimmer. “Oh, that Flash Sentry, feller. Yeah, I remember him. Too fresh by half, that Flash, I tell ya.”

“Whad’ya mean ‘fresh’?” Rainbow said, shrugging in confusion. “That guy was a bumbling doofus, it was great!”

“It was really sweet. I mean, it looked sweet,” Fluttershy managed to say between bouts of ‘ums’.

“I dunno. The guy didn’t seem very real to me.” Seeing the questioning looks she got, Pinkie elaborated. “He wore masks.”

To most everypony else, that explained very little, but somepony seemed to get it. “Personally, I liked the effort he put into wearing them,” Rarity said.

Pinkie looked at her dubiously, frowning at first before a soft smile spread on her face. Rarity caught the look and frowned in response, reading that look. Oh, Rarity, my sweet summer child, she said. You know a thing or two about ponies who wear masks, but you don’t know anything about wearing them yourself.

Rarity glowered for a moment, and then raised her brows in a look of anxiety. Pinkie, who are you?

Silly! Pinkie gave her a big wide grin. I’m me!

Rarity went right on back to glowering. Also, don’t call me a ‘your child’, I’m older than you!

And all the remaining ponies, and one dragon, were allowed to be left in the dust of this rapid fire face-off of an emotional exchange. Rainbow Dash’s expression pretty much summed it up, one that said-

“What the Tart?” Or okay, she could just say it with her mouth. Like, whatever, that’s cool too.

Rainbow shook her head. “Whatever.” Yeah, whatever. “Twilight, what’s up with you and Dynamic Entry?”

“Landed Gentry!” Pinkie piped up.

“Raided Pantry!” Spike offered.

“Waffle Thief!” Pinkie countered. “No, wait…”

Spike crossed his arms. “Also, I didn’t like the guy either, because he kept mistaking me for a dog. Like, how?”

“Well, I have no clue who you all are talking about,” Starlight said. “I’m not even sure about his name. Twilight, you wanna fill me in on it?”

Twilight peeled her ears back. “I’d rather not.”

Applejack sneered. “I knew it. That deceitful little playboy got too fresh with you when we weren’t looking, didn’t he? I swear, I’ll find that colt-”

“No, no, Applejack.”

Rainbow Dash jumped out of her seat, hovering. “Woah, woah! I thought that guy was cool, but if he did anything to you, Twi’, I will snap him in half.”

“Oh my gosh, no.”

“I’ll go to jail for you, Twi’, because Applejack isn’t gonna be any good at helping me hide the body.”

Applejack nodded. “She’s right, I’d be lousy at it.”

Starlight did a double take then as something else occurred to her. She looked at Spike incredulously and Spike stared right on back with his own questioning look.

Twilight pressed her hooves to her temple, groaning all the while. “No, girls, no. Nothing like that happened. We talked, he was nice, I was really flattered and Rarity had to tell me he was flirting with me. And after that- Rarity, please?”

“Would you like me to take over, Twilight?” A nod. “Very well. After their brief non-affair at the castle, where the guard stallion put his best hoof forward for Twilight, perhaps too forward, there was a bit of a fiasco. I suppose nothing had exploded that day, so it was a slow day in the news room. When the media got a hold of it, they decided to turn a minor piece of gossip into something of a scandal.”

Pinkie scowled at that. “Hold on, I never heard about this.”

Twilight shook her head. “You girls already brush off the reporters.” And harshly too. Applejack has no nonsense to deal with, a brother built like a small hill who had it up to here with gossip mongers already and up until a while ago a sister willing to give some kinda Anti-Paparazzi cutie mark a chance with extreme prejudice. Rarity has a tongue like quicksilver and actually made a reporter cry and Fluttershy has a bear and this bunny and debate rages among the press workers on which is scarier.

Now Rainbow Dash’s approach to being harrassed by reporters harrying her for juicy gossip on Equestria’s brand new princess was to drag the conversation on to a far more important topic, herself. That was, of course, after being talked down from out-and-out assault once she caught the gist of some of the rather more personal facts they were trying to dig up on Twilight.

Pinkie Pie gave reporters her undivided attention, and soon they learned not to draw it.

“When this happened, nopony noticed the uptick in paparazzi ponies hanging around town and I just did my best to avoid them too.” She teleported like mad.

Rarity nodded at this. “So Flash Sentry becomes the only viable center for this controversy. The media descended upon the poor guardstallion, calling into question his character and publically calcifying him!”

“Wowie, that’s harsh!” Applejack leaned forward. “I mean, what’d they call him, besides a princess flirting cad?”

“Something terrible! Horrible!”

Fluttershy perked up. “Oh my! Did they fabricate some sort of story about him forcing himself on Twilight?”

“If only they’d given him enough credit!” Rarity howled, foreleg to her face. “They called him boring!”

There was a long silence stretching outwards from this proclamation. Twilight looked embarrassed and Fluttershy was trying not to show any expression. Starlight’s gaze seem to drift up towards the roof as she mouthed something and Spike watched her, trying to figure out what. Applejack crawled down from her seat onto the floor, crawling back under her chair and just wrapped her face in her hat with a declaration that sounded like, “You’re real lucky you’re pretty sometimes.”

Rainbow Dash had an expression on her face that simply read as such, What? No really, what?

Pinkie Pie looked at every other pony and realized that Rarity just wasn’t getting the reaction she needed. Putting on an expression of shock and horror, she squished her cheeks and exclaimed, “Oh no! That’s the worst possible thing!”

“I know!” Rarity held her front hooves out, begging for a proper rebuttal. “I suppose they weren’t able to unearth any dirt on him so they spun a lack of fatal flaws as a lack of interesting ones.”

Pinkie crossed her forelegs. “I still say he wore too many masks.”

“Be as it may-” Rarity began before another pony jammed her hoof into the air and stabbed her raspy voice into the conversation.

“Hold up,” Rainbow Dash said. “Rarity, Pinkie, you both seem to know what the hay you’re talking about with masks but the rest of us don’t. You’re like two mysterious bad guys talking about ‘the artifact’ but never getting into detail about what it is and you just stretch it out for chapter until you find out exactly what ‘the artifact’ is but at the time you just wish that a third dude was there and they’d be like, ‘Yo, guys, what’s this artifact?’ Well, now I’m that third guy. What’re you talking about?”

“Pinkie is referring to Flash Sentry’s, I find, rather admirable ability to mold his behavior in accordance to the situation at hoof.”

Pinkie rolled her eyes, one part exasperation, one part thought, raising up one hoof. “One minute he’s ‘oo, I’m a big gruff soldier professional’ and then he’s ‘aaah, I’m a bad colt rebel’ and then ‘I’m a gentlecolt, m’lady’.” She tipped her hat forward, something that everyone stopped to look at.

“Wha-” Applejack stuck her head out from under her seat, climbing back up. “Where’d you get that fedora, Pinkie?”

Rarity gave her a half-lidded look. “Trilby, dear.”

“Huh, okay.” Rainbow Dash made that grimacing face that seemed to be going around like a persistent bug. She leaned back against her seat. “I guess I get it, kind of? Whatever, it sounds like social ballroom stuff anyway.”

Applejack leaned forward. “Okay, so what, was that the worst thing they did to him, call him a mite dull?”

Starlight dragged her eyes back to the conversation. “I guess he just didn’t have much of a personality to grip onto, huh?”

Pinkie shifted in her seat. “Oh, everypony has a personality! He just didn’t let anypony see his!”

“‘Cept maybe that he was the type to keep making up new ones.” Applejack nodded. “I knew there was a reason I didn’t like him. Still, didn’t sound like much bad anything happened to him.”

Rarity looked across the aisle. “Oh, if only the media were the end of it.”

Very briefly, something approaching a sneer pulled Twilight’s lips back. “After that, my fans got to him.”

And after that, a great big silence got to them all. It swallowed them whole like a manticore that just found a bunch of dumbstruck ponies in its path. Than one of them regained her wits and sliced her way out with a razor sharp exclamation.

Rainbow Dash burst free of the corpse-pause just as she burst into the air. “I have so many questions!”

Twilight sighed. “It really is horrible what they did tuh-”

“No, not that, egg head! You have fans!?”

Applejack crawled free out of the silence, following with exasperation at her flurrious savior. “What are you on about? You got fans too.”

Rainbow gave her a look before pointing it at Twilight. “Twi’, how old are you fans?”

“Um, I never exactly did a demographic check but from what I’ve seen they can range all sorts-”

“All mine are preteens. Does that answer your question, Applejack?”

“Hey, bein’ an inspiration and hero to the young’ns ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at, Rainbow Dash.”

“Hey, no, don’t get me wrong, I love my fans, all those little guys are the best, especially Scoots. It’s all the not-preteens who’re not my fans, that’s the problem.”

“Uh-huh.”

Starlight turned from that conversation back to her teacher. “So, these fans of yours, what did they do?”

Rarity glanced at Twilight and saw that her friend was having a less than fanciful time thinking about that answer. A glance her way reminded Rarity of the favor Twilight was asking and she took over. “Ponies that self-styled themselves as the protectors of Twilight’s virtue began a campaign of harassment against Flash Sentry. Where the media would not, they disparaged his character, sent him angry and threatening letters and sometimes personally delivered messages. There were attacks, assaults, and a protest at the castle. A large number of them preferred Twilight Sparkle be with one of us-”

Twilight Sparkle squeezed her eyes shut, turning a magnificent shade of rose, Fluttershy followed up with orange. Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Starlight had narrowing eyes that contrasted quite well with their gaping mouths, the very latter also managing a nice shade of pumpkin. Pinkie was turning a darker shade of pink, but far more from holding in the laughter already snorting its way through her nose. Spike, whom already knew all this, just savored the sensation of any creature with digits to be able to properly cradle his face in his claws.

“-or proffered themselves.”

And the dam around Pinkie’s mouth shook as snorts spurted out of her nose. Rainbow Dash simply looked livid, as her eyes narrowed further and her teeth set into a grit. Applejack followed right behind her. Starlight looked rather more dubious, actually, so did Fluttershy. Spike was where he was before and his guardian was looking to see if she couldn’t imitate him.

“Those- those- they thought-” Rainbow Dash wasn’t in her seat anymore, but rather above, her front legs spread out and clawed like she were ready to drop down on somepony. “-Twilight! Our Twilight!?”

Applejack eyed Rainbow for that one before looking straight forward. “Yeah, I might notta liked the Flash feller, but I’m likin’ some of these fan of yours even less for more of the same reasons.” Her eyes flickered in thought. “It sounds like they didn’t do you any favors and then they wanna get close to you instead. What a bunch of horse apples.”

Starlight looked askance at them both. “Wow, you guys are real bent out of shape over that, huh? I just think it’s really silly.” Reminded of her previous train of thought, she snapped back a glance to Spike who returned the look again.

Pinkie snorted, followed by a giggle. “I know, right? I’m sorry, Twilight, I know it made you really sad how they were so mean to Flash Sentry, but all that stuff about them and you and us is super ridiculous.”

Twilight huffed but her mouth curled with a small smile. “You’re right, Pinkie, it is super ridiculous.” She frowned and looked over to Rarity, giving her an upward nod.

“Yes, well, the harassment became too much for the poor colt and he had to be transferred to the Crystal Empire. That worked out for a little while but then some of Twilight’s more dedicated-”

“Try crazy.”

“-intense followers tracked him down up there. The end result is that Flash Sentry was- I don’t remember, what happened to him, Twilight?”

“He was reassigned again. He’s a bodyguard to, uh, some kind of ambassador overseas.”

“Right, thereby fleeing the country entirely.”

Applejack winced. “Eugh.”

Rainbow Dash hit her seat with a pomf. “Harsh.”

Pinkie Pie raised a hoof. “Let’s talk about something more fun!”

Applejack glanced in her direction, raising an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“Like what sorta ponies Twilight is interested in!”

“Ugh!” Rainbow sighed, smacking her face. “That- Pinkie, that’s exactly- dangit, Pinkie!”

“No, we started talking about that, but then we got sidetracked.”

Rainbow Dash rubbed her head before turning to look at Twilight, as did everypony else. Except Starlight and Spike, the former looking off into space and the latter still just looking at her.

Twilight scowled and turned a little more rose, looking towards the ground. “Well, I guess you could say my fans are right.”

Pinkie raised a hoof. “Do you mean-”

“The ones that wanted me to be with one of you girls.”

“Ah.”

Twilight looked up, her eyes passing over the mares she’d been with for the past few years. “You girls are my best friends and I love all of you. I don’t know anything about, well, lust, but I might have a crush on all of you as well. Rainbow, Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, each of you has a confidence and self-assurance I wish I had. And Fluttershy, you’re like an angel in every way, beautiful inside and out.”

Pinkie Pie nudged Fluttershy next to her. “Hey, baby, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

Although a little bit orange, Fluttershy gave her a completely straight faced answer, even while facing the floor. “No, the butterflies caught me.”

“Aw, Twilight!” Rarity pushed on her pink cheeks. “No, I’ll call you what I always called you in my head, Twinkle!”

“You call me what in your head?”

“Twinkle Sprinkles, I have pet names for all of you,” Rarity said dismissively. Rainbow Dash and Applejack’s eyes widen in horror. Pinkie Pie grinned extra wide. Rarity just carried on, reaching across her seat. “That is the sweetest thing and I’m sure everypony agrees, even Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash?”

“I think she’s still processing.”

Rainbow flinched and turned on Rarity. “Okay, Rar’, you better not call me anything mush-”

“Champ,” Rarity cut in.

Rainbow paused, closed her mouth and looked thoughtful, in that order over about three moments. Finally, she nodded. “Okay, I can deal with that.”

Applejack raised her hoof and Rarity nodded to her. “Sugarcube, of course.”

“Guess I deserve that one.”

Pinkie Pie waved her hoof with frantic enthusiasm.

“Honeybun. I would have gone with something with ‘Sugar’ but Applejack beat you to it and I call Miss Pommel ‘my sweet’.”

Pinkie covered her mouth, giggling. “Hehehe, Honeybun! Okay, Marshmallow.”

“I guess I deserve that. Of course, I refer to Spike as Spikey-Wikey and Fluttershy as ‘dearest’.” She looked to her direct side. “Starlight, I haven’t quite known you long enough to- Starlight?”

Spike nodded toward the spacey unicorn. “I dunno, she been going in and out like that for a little bit.”

Starlight finally snapped out of it and zero’d in on Spike, blurting out the question she’d been holding on to. “He really thought you were a dog?”

Spike threw his claws to the side. “I know, right!?”

Author's Note

All concepts introduced in this chapter are pretty unoriginal and are the property of everyone who reads it. Feel free to use, reference, twist, subvert and more of anything here that catches your fancy.

Baby Talk

Have you ever seen a feather star in flight through the water? Considering the medium I’m delivering this story through, I encourage you to look it up. It is an oscillating mass of feather-like limbs in every direction from the center, each fin pushing down on water with a neighbor to each side rising up to replace it. When the fin reaches the crescent of its movement, its folds and zips up to do it all over again, creating an illusion to the outside viewer that it was absorbed, rather, and spat back out the top.

Imagining this bizarrely beautiful creature in movement is a good start to where I’m about to begin. This place is not real in the sense that it is a place of light or space or matter. It is a place of thoughts and feelings and dreams. There are many universes that have something akin to this and they go by many names. The mindscape, the shared unconscious, the aether, the spirit world, the realm of souls. In one benighted galaxy, where the sanity of that entire dimension has been blasted to oblivion, it is called the warp.

Here, in this time and place I choose to focus on, a creature flies through this psycho planar ocean. She is not a native to this place, but she moves as someone who has become intimately familiar with its terrain. In a form she has donned or manifested in for this place, she resembles in part a feather star, a mass of midnight blue wings, her every oscillation shedding glimmering stardust. Her core is a darkness, so vast and deep as to emanate the horror of the unknown like a light. And, my god, it’s full of stars, deathless hopes and dreams like defiant candles in that endless night.

She follows a rapid river of anger in the ocean. In one direction, it feeds into a festering swamp of hate before sinking into the dark depths of suffering, but she seeks the river’s source. She seeks a place that shares a border of anxiety with despair, caution with desire and is cut off from joy by a mountain range of relieved laughter. With greed and ambition, the word “AUDIT” is spelled in a wide billboard letters and near the realm of pride black colored envelopes float incriminatingly in the ether.

These other places have masters, awakened genius loci, the concentrated manifestations of their domain. But this place, where night terrors lurk, still slumbers. It is uncontested, unguarded, untapped. It is waiting for its master to claim it, she decides, had decided a while ago. Who better, who is more deserving, than she who battles the very thing this realm reflects every night?

Every night, she strides through their anxieties and trepidations, councils them towards relief, and whom is it that they praise? The glorious morning star, the most blessed of heaven, the Light and Fire and Sun. All while she, she who should be an equal, given equal praise, love and respect, is cast away like one of her night terrors. But soon that will all change when she has enough power.

Being theoretical equals is not enough, not when one of them has such an unfair advantage as to share the waking world with their subjects, share all the desirable parts with them. She needs to be the greater, to be and prove herself the better. With that power, once she has one-upped her one and only peer, then she will have all the respect she deserves, then she will have all the love she has desired.

The rippling, corruscating mass stops over a large dark plane, murky shapes rising out as solidified shadows like overhanging trees, unplumbed caves and open closets. It’s features remind her a great deal of her core, with deep shadows that hint tantalizingly at the horrors that might lurk within. The difference was that her own darkness needed to be contemplated and gave equal parts of existential dread. This was just there to unnerve.

It only made sense. This was the basest form of Fear, in its mindless, sleeping state. It was just the creeping terror of the unknown. Hidden inside were all the things sapient minds of this world had ever conjured to frighten themselves and, buried even deeper, the truly horrific memories that could not be contained by any one world. And she, she would be its master. Only she, an alicorn, could pull this off with power of all three tribes. Even the three brothers, for all their power, were severely limited by their tribe.

She landed upon the proverbial ocean bed of this cerebral sea, many legs sprouting from her underside like a scuttling bug. They stamp and paw at the black dirt, groping and feeling for something. Her array of wings all stand at attention like ears, listening for something. A head emerged from the top, her brow and skull circled by a crown of horns. She seeks nothing from here, for all that she needs is within.

Even here, in this unreal place, there was something like land and earth. Only the arion, the earth pony, could feel the magic that ebbed and flowed beneath her hooves, finds the very epicenter and attune themselves to that untapped demesne. Here there were also winds and sky. Only the pegasus, the sky pony, could hear the sleeping intellectus that permeated the very atmosphere of this place and holds it attention by force of her personality. And, always, there was herself. Only the unicorn, the spell pony, could reach into her spirit, her core, and inject her will into this world around her.

This working, this sanctum invocation, had taken years to set-up. She had to find places in the material world that aspected with Fear and rebuild them into proper manses, just to anchor this place enough. Then she had learn the lay of the land, properly map the ley lines and study its unreal geology. She had to seek out the tempests, zephyrs and wisps that descended from Fear and emerged into reality to learn the gale of their language. Only then could she learn the patterns to the whirlwind politics that took place betweens Fear’s component selves even in its slumbering state. She had to postulate, calculate and recalculate the equations and vectors that would apply to the strands of thaums and beads of motes she would weave into a spell at the apex of the working. Only now would she be able to put all of that theory into practice.

All this was only possible by one such as she, she thought. With it, she would merge herself, her power, with that of this benighted place and thing. She would subsume the fetich spirit of this nascent spirit-plane, coalescing it into one spot like the core of a manse and with herself acting as the hearthstone. She would be the focus, the terminus, of this plane’s power, the avatar of Fear. It was less than ideal, Fear, but this was the only plane she could find not yet awakened. It seemed immoral, not to mention troublesome, to attempt to devour an already thinking, sapient being. Fear, up until now, was merely a force and place. Besides, it was fitting, considering her duties. She would show herself to be a merciful master of terror, respected as the one who subdued such a terrible thing and truly beloved as one who held the darkness at bay. There nothing that could go wrong with her plan.

She began.

Things went wrong with her plan.

Her eyes snapped open and she was afraid. Here, at the apex of the spell, when her mind was completely bent to the task, when her wings and spirit were wide open and her hooves and body were firmly planted in place. Here, at her most vulnerable, something grabbed her, stabbed her with its claws, impaled her with hooks and smashed her hard from below. She screamed and wailed and struggled to no avail, and it was drawing her in. Her last vision as she was buried was of eyes and teeth.

The screams of two beings overlapped with one another and began to synchronize in a perverse form of harmony. As the two voices became one, their wailing had subsided into weeping. When the two voices disappeared completely, and just one remained, the sobbing began to sound like laughter.

Luna looked down into the crib and a gurgling life looked back at her. This creature smiled at her, seemed so happy to see her.

“Do you remember?” She dipped her head inside and brushed her muzzle through black fur. “Do you remember what we did?” Tiny hooves batted at the stars in her mane as strands and constellations floated around the small body. “Do you remember what I did?” She closed her eyes, just listening to the heat and listening to the little one’s breath. “Do you remember what I made you do?”

“Luna.”

Luna raised her head but didn’t turn then, her eyes still fixated on the life. That one seemed no more aware of the inner turmoil in her than anything else that was happening or had happened outside this nursery.

“Do you think she remembers? Maybe not on the surface, but somewhere in the back? Not now but later?” Luna turned her head towards the doorway where Celestia stood, showing her biting lips and narrowing eyelids. “Do you think she’ll hate me?”

Celestia stepped forward, crossing the threshold between them. With a glance back, the guard nodded and shut the door. “Luna, I have no idea of what the future will bring.” She leaned in and pressed her nose against the bottom of Luna’s throat. “What I do know is you, however. You will love her and cherish her.” Celestia broke the contact and peered over the edge of the crib, Luna following along. “She will see you for the pony you really are, that you are now, far above the pony you were a thousand years ago and completely different from that amalgamate you both were a part of.”

She still wasn’t sure. “Will that be enough?”

“It will have to be. If there’s any justice in this world, it will be.”

A knock on the door and both of them turned. A lunar guard stuck his face in. “Your highnesses.” With a scowl of disapproval, baring his fangs, he went on, “It’s Prince Blueblood. He’s asking to see you. Wait, no, scratch that, he’s demanding it. What should I tell him?”

Both sisters gave barely a glance to each other before moving into fairly placid action. Luna horn took a light glow and Celestia gave a small nod. “Let him in.” The guard nodded and opened the door. The sisters braced themselves.

“Aunty! Granny!”

He moved as if a foal that just learned to walk and decided to skip on ahead to advanced running lessons. His legs almost appeared to be noodles and his hooves did strange dances as incomprehensible as an electron’s position and velocity. He didn’t seem to so much as stay upright as trip and fall in every direction simultaneously, if a little more so forward.

Celestia inclined her head a smidgen towards him. “Hello, Blueblood.” It almost didn’t come out as a sigh.

“Aunty, it’s awful! They say they’re all these horrible foreigners coming into the castle!” His entire statement was delivered masterfully, his entire body wriggling all about like an elegant tantrum. He couldn’t keep up the dance forever and came to a stop. “Now, I don’t want to call them sub-equine degenerates. I am, of course, above such things but-”

There was a harumph from the door as the guard finally closed the door. Blueblood gave it just a glance before he continued on. “Granny! Talks some sense into aunty, she can’t let these-”

Princess Luna’s horn stopped glowing and she finally looked his way. “Cease your prattling, Duke Blueblood. The only one’s who can hear you now are in this room.”

Blueblood frowned, glancing dubiously around. “Are you sure?”

Luna’s eyes narrowed. “Absolutely.”

Blueblood entire body shifted. He stood up straighter, he smiled, smirked rather, tilting his head and his eyebrows both. “Why, thank you then, grandmama.” He actually seemed to brighten then. “Speaking of those in this room, how is the baby?”

Celestia shifted as well, relaxing some. “Quite excellent, Blueblood. Would you like to see her?”

“Absolutely!” He marched right up to the crib, climbing his head over the side and looking down. The creature inside laughed at the sight of him and he coo’d. “Ooo, who’s a little snot goblin? You are, you abomination of magic, you are! Yes, you are!”

Luna frowned, tilting her head to the side and whispering. “Even after you told me the truth of his position, sister, I have to ask, how much of his prattling and posturing is really an act?”

Celestia’s eyes became half lidded and the sigh was more complete before she answered. “More than you seem to think, less than I would really like.” The sigh carried on in her head, memory lightly passing over the events that led to Prince Blueblood and the predecessors to this farce starting this whole act in the first place.

Let the courts of kings in other nations have their jesters, given leave to say what no other would dare to when the king needs to hear it. The diarchy of Equestria let their subjects speak freely in front of them. When the court begins to think in a way the sisters rather they didn’t, they have an entirely different kind of fool repeat those thoughts aloud for all who need to hear it.

Let those other courts have their jesters, Equestria had Prince Blueblood.

“Anyway.” Blueblood turned around, stepping down from the crib and turning to face the princesses. He bent one front leg, the other sweeping in front of him and he managed to keep his balance through the bow. “Granny, aunty, your doting descendant offers his services to you once more.”

“Duke Blueblood.” Luna emphasized the title. “Why are you called ‘Prince’? It’s entirely inappropriate.”

“It’s all part of the image, grandmama.” He gave her a patronizing smile and Luna only wished to pluck his mouth off his face and dump it in the trash. “Everyone knows princes are spoiled brats.”

“Really? Back in my time, they were dashing colts, often warriors, heroes at least, or the reward of virtuous, heroic mares to have a noble stallion vie for their attention.”

Blueblood sighed, almost with patience. “Times have changed, granny."

“If you truly were a prince, I would think that you were responsible for that change.”

Blueblood preened, tossing his head back. “Ah, if only I were that good!”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Ugh.”

Celestia looked between the two of them, frowning, and rested her focus on Blueblood. “Blueblood, how may we help you?”

Blueblood lifted up his foot to observe it for a moment. “Do you think ‘sub-equine’ was too much, aunty?”

Celestia tilted her head. “It was a little much.”

“Maybe.” He hummed thoughtfully and put his hoof down. “I was considering in adding a shot at granny’s thestrals too. Then your guards could maybe bond with them over how much they hate me.”

Luna blew a raspberry past her lips. “When did my bloodline come to this? Deceitful tricksters playing at being an arrogant spoiled fool. Underneath that is only slightly less arrogant, slightly less spoiled and slightly less of a fool. And then, underneath that, is the gnawing, sneaking suspicion that it is I who is being played for the fool.”

Blueblood responded with a smirk that played at being enigmatic but Luna personally thought just made him look like more of a prat.

Then again, maybe that’s the point. She darkly thought.

Luna glanced sideways to her other half. “Tia, this is all your fault. This whole setup has your hoof prints all over it. I don’t care how many times you tell me ‘it was all their idea’. If Blueblood’s predecessors came up with it on their own, they learned it by watching you.”

“Blueblood.” Celestia repeated firmly, after so gently stamping her hoof. Luna looked to her and reflected that at this point she very well could have imagined herself yelling and cracking the floor with her hooves. And she still wouldn’t have garnered as much authority as Celestia did with those very actions done ever so softly.

Then again, maybe that’s the point. She thought ironically.

“You came here for a reason,” Celestia reminded him. “Please, get to the point.”

“Right you are, aunty.” He nodded in deference to them both. “Granny. It actually does have to do with the summit and my so-called opinions thereof. What would you like me to do? Will the dignitaries be meeting Duke Blueblood, noble scion of the Night Court-” Luna snorted. “-Prince Blueblood, royal embarrassment or shall they not be seeing me at all?”

“Mm, yes. The situation will already be delicate enough without you trying egg someone into declaring war if they don’t get to smack you around some.” Celestia raised a pensive hoof and shook her head. “No, Blueblood, you will stay even further away from them than what I have you stay from the ambassadors. These are not my subjects, who send me their sympathies as I must wearily pardon you again.”

“And if you are forced to interact with them, act the part of the noble scion,” Luna chimed in. “If you absolutely must preserve your non-dignity, tell anypony who asks that we put the fear of the throne into you.”

Blueblood bowed again, a hoof to his chest. He spoke with a great deal more solemnity in his tone. “Understood, your majesties.” He raised his head and looked back towards the crib. “One more question.”

Luna arched a brow. “Yes?”

Blueblood waved a hoof back and stared between the princesses. “Have you named the baby yet?”

This time, the princesses looked between each other with looks of actual surprise between them. Then, something sort of like contrite shame.

Blueblood furrowed his brow. “Have you? Considering the subject of this summit, it might be important.”

Celestia was the first to turn to Blueblood. “We haven’t come to a decision yet, but it’s been discussed.”

“I would say it’s been close to argued, really,” Luna said airly. “It is clear that the child has a theme, presence and destiny connected to the nighttime. After all, you could make a clear argument that she is my daughter. Tangentially, speaking.”

Celestia nodded. “And considering her origins, I thought a nice name like Night Dreams or Dreamy Nights might endear her to the populace at large and give her something positive to follow in life.”

“And I think she needs a name befitting her status as our peer, a name in Ancient. I have pushed for Nyx and I still think that the ‘my daughter’ argument is a pretty good one for giving me final say.”

Celestia nudged her with her wings. “Tangentially.”

“I’ll tangent you, Tia,” Luna growled.

Blueblood looked between the two of them. “Well, I certainly hope you’re able to come to a decision, your majesties. The summit is due to begin shortly, after all, and I don’t think it’d be right to introduce the baby as ‘and then there’s this thing’.”

Luna sneered. “I don’t know, I bet Tia would get a lark out of that.”

Celestia frowned at her before her feature softened thoughtfully. Then she nodded, acquiescing the point.

Blueblood put on his characteristic smirk. “Now, speaking of arguments and the summit and, yes, the preservation of my non-dignity, I was hoping we could begin working on this ‘put the fear of the throne in me’ bit.”

Luna tilted her head. “You mean right now?”

“I think I’ve given as good a setup as any.”

Luna turned head towards Celestia. “Shall I?”

“I think you’d be a better choice than I.”

Luna grinned then, a wide grin with a glint of malice and mischief behind her eyes. It was that kind of look she slowly leveled at Blueblood.

Celestia turned towards the crib. “I’ll put a sound dampener around Nyx.”

As the confident smirk disappeared from Blueblood’s face, Luna failed to pick up on that little admission. She didn’t know if his sudden show of fear was all part of his act, but she was going to enjoy it nonetheless.

“What do you think Miss Rarity will do if she ever finds out his treatment of her was all part of ‘the plan’?”

“Oh, he had a better reason that just pretending to be a ponce, Luna. But I think you know exactly what she’d do to him.”

“Oh, I know. It’s just, given what I know of him, I wouldn’t help her, but I wouldn’t exactly stop her either.”

Author's Note

Nyx is a character and concept first conceived by Pen Stroke in Past Sins and has been reused here with permission. I felt inspired to do my own take on what Nyx was given the metaphysics of my own fanverse and my own take on her fate given my other interpretations.

The concept of Blueblood’s persona being one-part an act as part of some social shell-game is lifted from The Best Of All Possible Worlds by McPoodle. I’d say I’m doing it a little different, except I don’t see how.

Discussion and Reassurance

“Hey, Gryph.”

“Yeah, Sim?”

“Why are we here?”

“That’s a good question, why are we here? I mean, is there really such thing as Destiny? With a fate for us and stuff. Or are we all just cosmic accidents floating adrift in an uncaring universe? I don’t know, but it keeps me up at night.”

“I- what? No, I mean why are we standing here, guarding this conference room?”

“Uh, oh.”

“What was all that stuff about Fate?”

“What? Nothing.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Whatever. Why are we guarding this door?”

“Because we’re guards, that’s what we do. It’s our job.”

“Yeah, guarding a door to a room that’s going to be chalk full of, and I quote, ‘Ageless, Adventurers and Ascended’.”

“And aristocrats.”

“Yeah, somepony was having fun with alliterations.”

“You’re telling me.”

“So, okay, this room is going to be chalk full of po- people, yeah, that’re supposed to be the peers of the princesses, right? I mean, what else are ‘The Ageless’ supposed to be but a bunch of immortal power houses like Princess Celestia and Luna. And then the rest of them sound like they’re pon- people that’re like Princess Twilight and her friends, right?”

“Isn’t she Ageless?”

“Actually, I have some pretty interesting theories about that if you want to hear about it.”

“Not really.”

“Huh. Well, I mean, so you’re gonna have in this room two mares that have to periodically go out and tell ponies not to worship them as gods, and the six mares they call whenever they can’t solve a problem on their own. And a bunch of other people that are just like them.”

“Okay, your point?”

“If something were to attack right then during the meeting, what do we honestly bring to the table?”

“I dunno, kind of makes me feel useless.”

“Face it, Gryphon, we are useless.”

“Yeah, we are. Actually, I find that pretty- oh horse apples, somepony’s coming!”

Both guards stood at attention, turning back into the rigid, lifeless statues everyone knew they were supposed to be, flanking a large lonely door. The sound of a small herd of hoofsteps approached with giggling mare voices, getting closer to the center of this arching sunlit hallway.

Seven mares, two pegasi, two unicorns, two earth ponies and one bonafide alicorn trailing behind with a baby dragon on her back and a scratching quill in her will. This group was pretty recognizable, save one, you couldn’t walk through some of the castle halls without seeing their visages glowing with sunlight.

Rather than continue on as the two might hope, these Equestrian heroes ended up stopping in front of the guards, forming a semicircle of smiling faces. It was the orange one who stepped forward, took off her hat and pressed it to her front.

“Say, fellas, I just wanted to say, we really appreciate all it is the hard work you lot do.”

The blue one, she never seemed to touch the ground. She puffed her chest out. “Yeah, I know it’s tough not being as awesome as meh- oof!” An orange hoof planted itself shallowly in her stomach. “Nngh, good job, guys!”

“Hm.” The white one flipped her mane. “It might seem like you’re unable to accomplish anything when all the problems have been overwhelmingly powerful godlings with a very specific weakness to the powers of friendship, but Equestria has gotten along just fine without us for a thousand years and I think that’s thanks in part to your gents’ tireless hard work.”

“Yeah!” The pink one thrust her hoof in the air. “You guys have to take care of patrols and watching and guarding ponies from everyday things, like robbers and monsters! Without you, all that stuff would ruin everypony’s day, every day!”

The yellow one pawed at the ground, head hung low. “I feel a lot safer knowing that you’re out there, on the job, okay?”

The pastel pinkish-purple pony didn’t seem as sure what to say, so she just grinned nervously and said, “Y-yeah, keep up the good work!”

Private Gryphon and Simulation Trooper stared blankly at the mares, mouths sort of hung open and going, “Uuuuh.”

“Thank you, ladies!” Private Sim broke the pause. “We really appreciate your kind words, even if we have no idea what brought this on.”

Private Gryphon went, “Uuuuuh.”

The orange mare smirked. “Uh huh.” She tilted her head back. “This big hall has got some pretty good acoustics, ya know.”

Simulation Trooper nodded. “Fascinating.”

Finally, Princess Twilight Sparkle trotted up to the pair, specifically to Private Gryphon and held out a scroll in her will.

“Uuuh- oh, uh.” Gryphon looked down at the scroll. “What’s this?”

Princess Twilight Sparkle graced him with a beatific smile. “A list of philosophy texts that you might find pretty interesting, soldier. Some ponies consider them heavy reading, but I think you’ll be able to digest the ideas of d’Hossbach and Panter van Inawagon and others who have pondered these same questions!”

“Uh, thanks?”

“You’re very welcome.” She took a step back and nodded to the rest of her group. “Now, we won’t bother you any longer. Just remember your efforts are appreciated. Let’s go girls!”

As she took off with the herd, the dragon gave them the gesture of appreciation available to his appendages, a pair of thumbs up.

Private Simulation Trooper watched them disappear around the bend before looking back ahead. “Huh.”

Private Gryphon held the scroll up dubiously. “I hope there isn’t going to be a test on this.”

Seven ponies marched through the brightly lit and colored halls. Well, six ponies marched, more meandered casually, and one of them flew above and just a little bit ahead of the rest. She preened under the shower of praise raining down all around her. Not from her friends, but the light shining through all the stained glass around them.

“Aw yeah! I love coming through here!” Rainbow Dash jabbed her hoof at the windows. “All these paintings about how awesome I am!”

Applejack looked up. “Rainbow, you’re not the only one in these.”

“Yeah, I guess you guys came along too.”

“Starlight?” Twilight looked back from the brewing argument (“You’re just saying stuff to tick me off, aren’t ya?”) and towards her student, stopped and held back a way away. “Starlight, are you okay?”

Starlight glanced up and down the colored windows, a frown on her face, a look of apprehension and worry as if she expected to see something she didn’t want to see but still thought it should be there. She turned that look around, smiling at Twilight. “Yeah, of course. I- why don’t you girls go on ahead of me? I’ll just stay here and look at these windows. I kinda want to familiarize myself with all these.”

Rainbow Dash casually did backstrokes with her wings. “Yeah, you wanna get a good look at how awesome I am. Don’t worry, Starlight, that happens to everypony.”

“I’m gonna kill her.” Applejack grit her teeth. “I’m gonna get my rope and strangle her.”

Twilight glanced between her student and her friends. Rarity had already finished rolling her eyes at the two’s antics, walking away, Pinkie giggling behind her and Fluttershy was stopped, looking in apprehension between the two. She looked back at Starlight, who kept smiling in way the reminded her uncomfortably of the townsfolk of her little village.

“Well, if you say so.” Twilight turned back to the rest of the herd, trotting back over to keep Applejack and Rainbow Dash from killing each other. Starlight watched them go and disappear through a large double door.

Starlight’s smile disappeared and she turned back to the windows, her eyes flickering. Her quick canter periodically broke into a gallop as she looked and looked and-

“Looking for your window?”

-and screamed and screamed and- A hoof came down on her back and pushed her onto her belly. A sensation of coolness washed over her and her heart decelerated.

“Calm yourself, Starlight Glimmer.” The hoof pulled back.

Starlight looked up and then just half rose into something like a bow. “Princess Luna!” She said hastily.

“Calm yourself,” Princess Luna repeated, looking down at her with some impatience. “-and rise, Starlight Glimmer. Anypony who has saved my life has no need to bow to me.”

Starlight rose uncertainly to her hooves, giving them a glance. “Uh, mm, okay.” She looked back up. “Thank you, Princess Luna?”

Princess Luna acknowledged that with a nod before she inclined her head down the hall. “I had asked you, are you looking for your window?”

Starlight needed to give her hooves another look over. “Uh, yeah, I was.”

Princess Luna nudged her and brought her attention to a colorless window down a ways. “My sister has planned for one commemorating Discord, Trixie, Thorax- King Thorax, or is he going to call himself a Prince?- and you, for your successful rescue mission, triumph over Queen Chrysalis- queen no more- and, mh. What are we calling it? Redemption of the changelings? Transformation? But yes, all that there.”

“Oh,” was all she said immediately. Still very uncertain, she added, “That’s nice. Thank you?”

“But that’s not what you’re looking for, is it?” Luna turned at her, expressionless, neutral, almost judging. “You’re looking for the window that depicts your defeat.”

Starlight breathed audibly. “Yes.”

“You don’t get one.”

“Oh, I-”

“You don’t deserve one.”

“-uh, what?”

“You’re small time, Glimmer.”

Luna turned bodily and began walking down the hall. After some head snapping hesitation, Starlight scampered off to follow her, feeling quite like a little filly following an older mare.

“Flim Flimflam and Flam Flimflam don’t get a window, as much I’d like to put a stop to those scoundrels. Gilda Godric, Garble Jumbleson, the diamond dogs of Pack Underhoof, Lightning Dust, Trixie Lulamoon.” Luna idly listed off names as she walked without looking at Starlight. “Though I am pleased to have that amulet in our custody again. I do read over my sister’s prized student’s letters, so I’m aware of all the various antagonists they’ve ran into on their adventures or in their day-to-day lives. They were all minor nuisances and they didn’t get windows either.”

Starlight hesitated. “Um, I’m pretty sure I ended the world at least once.”

“Really? It seems fine to me.” Luna made an exaggerated attempt to look around.

Starlight stomped a hoof. “That’s because of time travel!”

“So, then it never really happened then?”

“Well, not unless you believe in multiverse theory.”

Princess Luna stopped at that, looking affronted. She shook her head rapidly and whickered. “This is why I don’t mess around with time travel! You think all you’re dealing with is four-dimensions but then they tell you their might be more hiding in the quantum!” She kept walking, a bit of irritation in her pace.

Starlight began, “Um-”

“You are a mad little filly, who was angry over her hurt feelings, who tried to control a world that would not be controlled as she wanted it to be, who tried to make the world see what only she saw and nearly ended the world messing with powers she didn’t fully understand.” Luna’s tone dripped with just a little bit of acid. “Because your friend abandoned you as a foal, you started a cult and then sabotaged the time line, dooming us all to the consequences of a world without the Element-Bearers.”

Starlight flinched and grit her teeth. “E-excuse me, I only started- founded that town because of Sunburst. I tried to take revenge on Twilight Sparkle with time travel because she took away all of my friends and destroyed what I had spent years building! Who- who are you to-”

Starlight stopped dead as she realized who exactly she was talking to. It was a good thing too, or she would have ran right into Princess Luna. She had stopped too, but not too stare at Starlight in affront, but to gaze sadly at a window. Starlight followed that gaze and looked as well. It was a window that depicted the elder Princesses. It was when Princess Celestia banished her sister to the moon.

Luna spoke softly. “A mad little filly, who was angry over her hurt feelings, who tried to control a world that would not be controlled as she wanted it to be, who tried to make the world see what only she saw and nearly ended the world messing with powers she didn’t fully understand.” She glanced down at the smaller mare and glared. “I do not like you, Starlight Glimmer. I didn’t like you, after I first heard that last report of your misadventure through time, and I’m fairly certain I know why.”

“Oh,” was Starlight’s sterling addition to the conversation.

“And really, your town? Your friends?” Luna gave her a condescending look. “Those were your brainwashed minions, at least then despite whatever they are now.”

Starlight grimaced guiltily. “Might still be a little bit that, now that I think about it.”

“Hm.” Luna looked up at the window again. “That wasteland Twilight said you both found, that was as much my doing as it was yours.”

Starlight scowled and frowned, concentrating. “Wait, no. I remember that too, that wasn’t you.”

Luna tilted her head a bit. “I remember being told there was a timeline where I had won, right?”

“Uh, yeah, Twilight told me about it, but I wasn’t there for that one.”

“Oh, congratulations then, Starlight Glimmer, you nearly ended the world twice then. If you think you’ve beaten me, think again, because I’d like to put forward the Tantabus and perhaps I could make the argument that my return counted as a second incident.”

“Actually, I remember her telling me that everything was fine. I mean, besides Nightmare Moon being in charge and it was ni- IIIIiii-”

Starlight stopped dead as Luna spun about and smashed their faces close together. Both their eyes were wide and Princess Luna was shaking.

“Excuse me,” She said. Then her eyes turned pure white, frost billowed from her form, the ground shook and her voice came as a sonorous echo. “What.”

Meanwhile, the rest of the six, plus a dragon, had been stopped on their own journey by someone. Not somepony, definitely not a pony, their curious looks revealed that. Bipedal, with yellow fur to match his furry yellow man, but with the details around his face left hairless. A sinewy tail writhed behind him briefly before wrapping around his waist.

The monkey man gave a cackle. “I’m sorry, I forgot to introduce myself.” He bowed, quite dramatically, with a flourish of his arms. “I am Sun Wu Kong.”

Author's Note

If you see any ideas in here that you like and you want to reuse or dislike and want to mock, go ahead because I’d be thrilled either way and maybe you’d do a better job of it than I. Tell me about it, I don’t care what way you interpret it, it will stroke my ego.

Private Gryphon and Simulation Trooper are quite clearly based on the Three Stooges, and if you think you’re seeing some other, different, characters in them, then you are clearly wrong. Now go watch Red Vs Blue, it’s funny. At least, I think it still is, it’s been a while.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, Gryphon is named after a gryphon that save his parent’s lives when he was born. The parents wanted to name their son for him, but the gryphon was both impatient and didn’t speak a lick of Equestrian. I bring this up here because, so far, I have no plans to ever bring it up in story.

Monkeying Around

Six mares, down one of their numbers, but still plus a dragon. The lot of them were still stuck navigating the winding corridors of Canterlot Castle. It had been a moment of companionable silence before Spike’s face scrunched up.

“Hey, ya know, I just thought of something-”

“Don’t hurt yourself!”

“Thanks, Rainbow Dash. So I just thought about something, and I guess I could ask her but I don’t remember seeing Starlight Glimmer during that whole cookie zombie prank.”

Rainbow Dash burst into laughter. “Rainbow horse apples!” Did- did she just make up profanity? “That one was great!”

Pinkie looked wistful. “Yeah, I’m real proud of that one.”

“And I’m real proud of you, Pinkie. And the rest of you girls!” Rainbow Dash clutched her chest. “When you girls go through that much trouble to mess with me, that’s when I know you really love me.”

Fluttershy looked up. “Rainbow, I’m not really sure that’s the lesson you were supposed to take from that.”

Applejack, rather, glared upwards. “I swear on the soil-” Seriously, they’re making this up. “-if you start thinking that means you need to start trying harder, I’m-a clip your wings and string you up.”

“Aw, calm your plots, girls.” Rainbow raised her hooves placating like. “You guys said your piece, and I’m not gonna forget it after that.”

Twilight looked back and up. “Honestly, I’m worried that we may have gone too far with that prank too.”

Fluttershy gulped. “Me too. We made Rainbow Dash actually think she hurt us.”

“I ain’t,” Applejack huffed. “Not this time. We tried talking it out with you that time, Rainbow, and you didn’t listen. Drastic measures had to be taken.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Man, next time, you guys need to skip the chit-chat and just hit me with your best shot, okay? Because, lemme tell you guys, when you put real effort into it, you’re almost as good as me at pranks.”

“How about, next time, you just make sure there ain’t no next time and you don’t drive everyone up the wall with your shenanigans.”

“Meh.”

“I’ll meh you, missy!”

Rarity trotted next to Twilight and Spike. “Starlight was remarkably absent from the whole debacle.”

Spike nodded. “Yeah! Rainbow Dash nearly got the whole town, and that’s why everyone was in on it, but maybe Rainbow Dash missed Starlight.”

“Or- or maybe Starlight thought that maybe if we tried just a little bit harder to talk it over, we could have gotten through to Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said, somewhat desperately.

Rainbow Dash reached down, ruffling her mane. “It’s cute that you think that.”

Applejack kept giving her the stink eye. “Alright then, you clever mule, what happened with you and Starlight?”

“Heh, that’s easy! I got her and then she got me right back.”

Twilight sighed. “I won’t ask what you did, I think I heard the explosions.”

Pinkie bounced beneath the pegasus. “But Dashie, what did Starlight do to you?”

Rainbow lazily twirled her hoof. “She hit me with a spell that rearranged my nervous system. All my movements were reversed.”

Twilight stumbled, looking back with a shocked expression. “What?”

“Oh yeah. You won’t believe it, but she hit me in midair.” Rainbow Dash made a striking motion. “You’ve been teaching her good, Twilight.”

“That’s- that’s not- that’s not what- not what I- ugh!”

Fluttershy covered her mouth. “Oh my gosh. Did you get hurt?”

“I wiped out, I’m lucky I didn’t end up in the hospital again. It was awesome!”

“Okay, first question, Twilight, what in the hay is wrong with Starlight?” Applejack turned. “Second question, Rainbow Dash, what in the hay is wrong with you?”

“Hey, I can take what I dish out.”

“Uhhuh.”

Twilight pressed her eyes closed, making a sound like the unwanted child of a grunt and a sigh. “C’mon, girls, we’re almost there.”

Rarity tilted her head. “To where are we going again?”

“It’s a nursery room, mostly unused.”

Spike raised a claw. “That’s where I slept when I hatched!”

Rarity perked. “Really? Maybe it’s Flurry Heart then, and she’s our mystery immortal.”

“Maybe. It’d be nice if Princess Celestia actually explained all this to me.”

Rainbow hovered up just above Twilight. “Ha, I think she just likes to see the look on your face. That mare is a master prankster.”

Applejack huffed. “Of course, that’s how’d you see the princess.”

Pinkie nudged the farmer with a happy bounce. “It’s all in good fun, Jackie!”

“Uhhuh.”

Rainbow scowled then, looking down at Twilight. “But you’re sure it’s not you, right Twi? I don’t wanna find out and then- then I-” She grit her teeth, not quite able to get the words out.

Rarity was able to say it. “And then we all end up leaving you behind.”

Twilight frowned, looking forward and not at her friends. “Girls, I don’t enjoy the prospect either, but I’m sure Celestia would have told me that.” And unspoken and doubtful Right? hung in the air.

“I can assure you, you do not have the enduring spark.”

Well, that was a new voice. It was from higher up the high vaulting ceiling, it was kind of scraggly in quality and amused in tone, like it were at the edge of giggling, or cackling. It was one of those voices that edged as close as possible to being described as ‘androgynous’ while also still being unmistakably male.

Not a pony, though, definitely not. The mares and one dragon saw that when they looked up at the figure simply floating in midair. Bipedal, mostly covered in golden yellow fur with a wild golden mane and a matching magic aura wrapped around him. His face was furless, with pinkish-brown skin, and a sinewy tail writhing behind him.

Pinkie smiled and waved. “Hi!”

Rainbow looked askance between them, an expression mirrored by the rest of her friends. “Yeah, uh, hey, you, guy.”

The monkey man huffed and his aura winked out. He dropped two dozen feet, his aura briefly flaring before he hit the ground and he landed in a soft crouch. Standing back up, his tail wraping around his waist, the monkey man gave a cackle. “I’m sorry, I forgot to introduce myself.” He flourished and bowed dramatically. “I am Sun Wu Kong.”

Twilight smiled. “Well, Mr. Kong-”

Sun Wu Kong rose, holding up a finger. “No, no nope. ‘Mr. Kong’ is, eh, confusing.”

“Huh?”

“Please, call me ‘Sun Wu’.”

Pinkie Pie waved frantically. “Can I call you ‘Sunny’!?”

“I shall allow this.”

“Okay,” Twilight said unsure. “Sun Wu. What were you talking about?”

“The enduring spark,” He repeated with a knowing smile, holding up his paws as if offering the knowledge physically. “It is-”

“Wait!” Twilight looked back and reached into her saddle bag with her will. A quill and parchment flew out and into the dragon’s claws. “Spike, take notes!”

“Oo!” Pinkie bounced. “Are we about to get another lore dump? We’ve been getting a lot of those today.” She looked meaningfully at Fluttershy, who cringed at the memory. Pinkie flinched and moved to hug Fluttershy, whispering apologies to her. Rarity joined that in a moment.

Rainbow looked between that, Sun Wu Kong’s attentive audience and then Applejack. “Don’t we have, I dunno, somewhere to go?”

Applejack shrugged. “Eh, this might be important. Besides, are you gonna tell Twi’ she can’t learn new things?”

“Eh, nah.”

Sun Wu Kong had looked at Twilight, shifting expressions over a few seconds. First, surprise, his mouth thinning, his eyes widening and his head pulling back. Then he smiled again, revealing teeth, relaxing forward and his eyes lidding, amused. “Studious, aren’t you?”

At Twilight’s enthusiastic nodding, he continued, “Alright. The spark. I don’t know every detail, but it was taught to me that the spark acts as a kind of bridge between a living thing’s animating life force and a sapient being’s immortal soul. Mortals have a fading spark, one that will dwindle with time and finally be snuffed out when they die. Then their soul becomes free of it fetter and passes on, and the life force disippates.”

Twilight perked up, her horn blinking so as to ask a question or make a comment. “But the Ageless are different, right?”

Sun Wu cackled and clapped his hands. “Yes, yes! The immortal ageless possess an enduring spark. Their soul and their life force are welded together permanently. Through the soul, the life force is kept whole. Through the life force, the soul is fettered to this plane. Through all that, the immortal is kept alive and unaging.”

Sun Wu pointed at Rainbow Dash and her raised hoof. “Yes?”

“So, that doesn’t apply to Twilight, right?”

Sun Wu shook his head. “No, no!” He tapped the side of his head. “I can sense these kind of things. Most immortals can’t-” Sun Wu preened, hand on his chest and another through his mane. “-but I can.”

Rainbow perked, feeling a little more relaxed with that answer. “Oh, cool.”

Rarity perked, raising her head from the Fluttershy cuddle party Pinkie was running. “Most?” She excused herself and moved to the front of the herd and the monkey man. “Excuse me, Mr. Sun Wu?”

“Just Sun Wu.”

“Sun Wu, of course.” Rarity flipped her mane. “Am I correct in guessing because of your wording that you are one of these immortals?”

“Ahha, yes!” Sun Wu hopped on each of his feet. “I am! Here on dear Tia’s invitation all the way here from Don Ki!”

“Would I also be correct in assuming as well that you are a-” She fluttered her eyelashes. “-prince?”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “Gonna try seducing this one, Rares?”

Applejack joined in, sniggering. “Yeah, don’t you remember last time? Do you want cake in your face again?”

Rainbow leaned toward her, half-whispering conspiratorially. “Although, uh, since he’s a monkey, maybe it won’t be cake.”

“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity snapped. “It’s a legitimate question without any kind of ulterior motive, you cad!” She turned. “Sun Wu, I really must apologize for my friends- Sun Wu?”

Sun Wu’s demeanor had changed. His face was blank was blank, his head and arms hung down, all that energy seemed to have disappeared. The herd collectively stared at him with worry, except for the cuddle party continuing on in the back.

“Rainbow Dash, I swear, if you’ve insulted him, you will have the pleasure of being strangled by silk. I insist you feel honored, as it will be a treatment normally reserved for the sultans of Saddle Arabia.”

Twilight decided to pipe up against the historical inaccuracies, “Actually, strangulation by silk cord was used by-”

“Not now, Twilight.”

Rainbow crossed her forelegs. “Me insulted him? How do we know it wasn’t your featherin’ gem digging?”

“G-g-gem DIGGING!? You uncouth, tactless reprobate!”

“You wanna go, drama princess?” Rainbow seemed less angry as she was eager. “Cause I know you got the moves, Rares. You act like a lady, but I know you fight like a-”

Twilight tried to step in. “Girls, this sounds like a friendship problem. Maybe-”

“Not now, Twilight.”

Rarity narrowed her eyes, flipping up to her hind legs. “Oh, I’ll show you my moves, alright! I’ll-”

“I-” Sun Wu growled and there was power there, that cut through the argument and even put a tragic end to the cuddle party as every pony flinched to turn towards him.

The simian clutched his fist closely and grit his teeth. The golden glow returned but seemed to have actual force behind it now, a pressure that all the mares felt pushing on whatever passed for supernatural senses to each of them.

“AM!” His fists raised up and the air actually began to shake as his magic power vented unevenly from his form. There was a squeak that was more like a malnourished shriek. Three ground bound ponies took steps back and a pegasus flapped out some distance too.

“THE MONKEY KING!” A buildup of force was released and blasted out as a gale force wind and searing bright light in every direction. Manes were whipped around, faces were covered and the ponies just weathered the rush of air and blinding flash.

As quickly as it began though, it ended, his aura winking out. Four ponies and a dragon shook their heads, till the spot in their eyes were gone and the ringing in their ears were clears.

“But no,” Sun Wu added, calmly, looking down at Rarity. “I’m not actually royalty, as such. I prefer the role of guardian.”

Rarity blinked, as much to see again as out of disbelief. “Oh.”

A nearby door in the hall opened and one dazzling white mare stuck her head out with a frown. She took stock of the situation and focused on the simian. “Sun Wu?”

The monkey man spun on his feels to face her. “Celestia!” Sun Wu looked around, looking frantic and then gestured to Twilight. “Celestia, look, I found your prized student! This is her, right?”

Celestia nodded. “Thank you very much, Sun Wu.” She smiled then, as her eyes settled on a very important pony. “Twilight.”

“Princess!” Forget the mad monkey man, forget her frustration at being ill-informed, forget the burning curiosity. The princess was here, she was a filly again and Twilight rushed in for a hug.

“My former student,” Celestia said fondly as a leg and wing wrapped around her smaller frame. The tip of her wings brushed lightly against Spike, still on Twilight’s back. She looked up at the rest of the herd. “My beloved subjects. Please, why don’t you come inside? I have someone I dearly want you to meet.”

Sun Wu crossed his arms. “The new immortal.”

Princess Celestia frowned again, eyeing him. “Shouldn’t you be attending the King Kong?”

Sun Wu Kong cackled. “Of course, of course! I’ll be off and a flea out of your fur!” He demonstrated that by picking a small bug out of his own mane and popping it into his mouth.

Celestia nodded before she gazed at the herd again. Her frown became confused. “Why, where is Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy?”

“Up here!”

Eyes turned up again and spotted a new pair of occupants several dozen feet up where Sun Wu had been. Fluttershy clung desperately to the rafters up above, shaking. Less desperately, more cheerful, Pinkie Pie clung to Fluttershy with just her forelegs.

“Fluttershy, it’s alright. Please come down,” Celestia spoke with a force of motherliness far greater than even Fluttershy could muster. What came off her in waves in just that instant was clearly just an amplification of the aura she shed unconsciously from moment to moment.

With that, it was easy to coax her down and gather the herd to her and through the door. The last two to linger were Rainbow Dash and Rarity. The two of them were standing close to each other, paused in the middle of the hall. The silence between them lasted for about five seconds and a third until Rainbow Dash spoke.

“So.” Rainbow Dash gulped. “-what do you practice? I think I saw something like East Wind Subtle Breeze style in your stance.”

Rarity answered her wearily, cautiously and tiredly. “Flowing Water Over Rock style.”

“Nice. I’ve seen you fight, Rares, and you fight good, real good. I respect that, I respect you.”

Rarity sighed. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash, but I’d rather not be using it on you.” Then she flinched as a blue wing wrapped her body.

“You’re not a gem digger, Rares, I know that.”

Rarity stepped closer to the stronger pegasus. “It was just a silly fillyhood fantasy that got out of control.”

“You were too good for him.”

Rarity nestled close to her. “Thanks, champ.”

Rainbow Dash grunted and escorted Rarity through the door under the gaze of two immortals. Celestia gave Sun Wu one last look before she closed the door.

“Good bye, aunty!” He sang song and exulted in the sound of shocked response from her little ponies. Grinning then, he got his bearings as he gathered his power once again, pressing his two fingers to his temple and focusing.

You are far better than them, said something much like a thought.

Sun Wu’s concentration faltered for a moment as he looked around, eyeing the hallway. Something like a flicker in the shallow shadows caught his eye but he spotted nothing.

Do whatever it is you please.

Sun Wu Kong shook his head and vanished in a gold-white flash.

No one here is strong enough to- oh, he left. Well, alright then, fine. I didn’t want to tempt you anyhow.

“-and that is how the Good and Heroic Trrrrixie-”

“Wow, you just roll those R’s all over the place.”

“-humiliated the cult leader so greatly that his entirely lair collapsed.”

“Listen to her, this mare is a hoot!”

“Also because you let him flip the self-destruct switch while you were busy posturing over your victory.”

“Like, I got to hold the baby, so that was pretty cool.”

“Bah, that’s not Trixie’s fault!”

“At least the explosion was fun!”

“Like Tart it wasn’t! You had him!”

“Trixie had victory in the field of her horn!”

Daring Do, Cheese Sandwich, Tree Hugger, Night Glider, Trixie Lulamoon. Also, Princess Celestia and one recently, officially, named Nyx. Princess Nyx? Maybe, probably, definitely. She had all the right equipment for it.

Not that equipment though. Despite what certain rag mags claimed, that the Celestial Sisters surely had to represent all of equinity, and that included the firmer sex. As well as Twilight and Cadance, the latter of which would have made Shining Armor’s sex life very interesting. The former, however, would have had no effect on his sex life at all, despite what those same certain rag mags claimed.

Where was I?

Right, you had these guys. These girls, mostly, and then there was Cheese. The whole lot of them gathered in the nursery, letting personality just fly around. Cheese Sandwich and Night Glider enjoyed each other’s presence-

“-then I said to the guard, ‘No, that’s not my tail, that’s my scarf!’”

Night glider grabbed her gut, spasming with laughter. “Oh my gosh, is that what happened!? That’s amazing!”

Cheese made a motion like he were using a garrote. “So that’s how I ended up taking out the patrol.”

“I remember that! S’pretty handy. I just kicked them in the face, ya know?”

-as did Princess Celestia and Tree Hugger-

“Can I hold the baby, Sun Mom?”

Celestia had no right idea where that particular epithet came from, but she would allow anything that seemed to hint at irreverence from her little ponies. “Of course, my little pony. Here- hold her head.”

Tree Hugger cradled the little foal, rocking her in her forearms. “Hello, Night Daughter. The world says hello to you too.”

Celestia covered her mouth for a demure giggle. “You have quite a way of speaking of the world, Tree Hugger.”

-and Daring Do and Trixie just crashed their egos together.

“The Cunning And- And… T-Tricksome…? No wait.”

Daring Do crossed her forearms. “No, no, keep trying.”

“The Wise And Cunning Trrrrixie-”

“Oh wow, he is right, you roll those all over the place.”

“-carried this team! But she could not have done it without all of you.”

“See, that- that- I don’t- that’s the opposite-”

Oh, yeah, and speaking of egos.

“Ah-ha, if it isn’t the B-Team.” It was Prince Blueblood and his smugly smiling expression slipping through the nursery door.

That particular epithet made Trixie rear. “B- B-team!?”

Daring Do was right behind her and glowered. “And what exactly is that supposed to mean?”

Blueblood flipped his mane as he came all the way inside, closing the door behind him. “An educated mare such as yourself should know very well, Daring Do, more-so than your vagabond companion. But then, if the rumours I hear that you need your books’ fans to solve simple puzzles are true, maybe you’ve taken too many arrows to the skull.”

Trixie glanced to the side. “If you want to strangle him, let me offer Trixie’s aid.”

“All of you are second stringers, at best, called upon by my dear Aunt Celestia when she can’t be bothered to send the real heroines of Equestria.” Prince Blueblood looked thoughtful and then grinned again. “No, wait, I’m sorry, Princess Celestia couldn’t even be bothered, remember? She delegated that task to me, the second-string royalty. I guess that really clinches it, eh?”

Night Glider shrugged. “Eh, I wasn’t really in it for the glory. I think I like it more when no one knows what I did.”

Cheese pumped a hoof. “Man, I’m just glad I was invited!”

Tree Hugger sidled up to Blueblood, nudging him. “Hey, hey, Blueblood, you gotta hold this baby.”

Off put by their non-reactions, Blueblood indeed took the foal from her, cradling her gently. A quick discussion between them erupted as the very best way to hold the baby. Blueblood’s attempts to act like a mule about it were simply rolled over by Tree Hugger’s inability to acknowledge negative vibes, yo.

Trixie stared off into space, only vaguely in his direction. She couldn’t rightly see him anymore, because she was quite blind with rage. On the other hoof, Daring Do could see very well, see it in her mind’s eye how and exactly where she was going to smack her whip and ruin that pristine white coat.

“Blueblood,” Celestia gently interceded. “Your terrible display of employer-to-employee interpersonal skills aside, is there any reason why you’re here?”

Blueblood put a hoof on his chest. “Why, I was actually awaiting the arrival of your A-Team. I heard your prized students and her subordinates were coming this way. It seems they haven’t arrived yet and-” He trailed off.

“Is there something else, Blueblood?”

“There is this monkey man, outside?” Blueblood gestured doubtfully. “He’s just floating there, up above.”

Celestia blinked, her head just rearing back in mild surprise. “A monkey man?”

“THE MONKEY KING!”

Everypony not a princess jumped in surprise at that loud shout shaking its way through the door. Nyx giggled, waving her hooves about, delighted in everypony’s reaction more than anything else. Celestia sighed, actually rising from her lounging position and going to the door.

“I had better go see what that is.”

Author's Note

Well, I definitely don't own Sun Wukong. Or the other references connected to him. Do you like the way I used him? Like part of it? Really dislike it? Feel free to take from it for whatever purpose or reason you goy.

Lessee, the bits about "sparks". Steal it, steal it and use it better than I did. Take it, it's yours! What else do you need? Do you need my soul? Have it, I don't need it anymore!

Does anyone want to write about the adventures of the B-Team?

Dirty Talk

Standing atop the quantum thin barrier between timelines and worlds, I realize that this one I observe and relate to you had already branched away from that one. Yes, the one that one may be tempted to call the main world, or prime or true, the one viewed most often. It occurs to me it may have branched from it a long, long while ago, in fact, and had only seemed to run in parallel for a short while.

Rainbow and Rarity walked in on quite the reunion. Off in a corner, a pegasus, a unicorn and an earth pony, technically, albeit she was also the other two things as well.

“Oh, uh, hello, Trixie. And hello to you too, Night Glider. It’s good to see you again?” Not sure why she was here. Actually, Trixie either for that matter.

“Twilight Sparkle.”

“Oh, hey there, Princess Twilight! Where’s Starlight?”

“That’s right, Princess, where is Starlight? Was she not good enough for your oh-so-special A-Team!?”

“A-Team?”

“Are you still on that?”

“Yes I’m Still On That!”

Two pegasus and two earth ponies over to the side.

“Sho’nuff, you better watch out, Ms. Yearling, Rainbow- actually, is it A.K. Yearling or Daring Do?”

“Daring Do, Yearling is my pen name. Speaking of which, is Apple actually your last name? I gave you a cover name too, but I’d like to get it as accurate as possible.”

“Well, eenope. At least, I don’t sign no paperwork like that. I’m Applejack of the Apple Clan, but we don’t put no two ‘apples’ in yer name.”

“Fair enough.”

“Oh my, I didn’t expect to see you here, Tree Hugger. Are you a part of all this?”

“Heeeey, Flutts. Yeah, I kinda tagged along with them but I mostly was just there for moral support.”

“Oh good. I’d be very worried to find out you were in any sort of danger.”

“Nah, it was all good after I gave those timberwolves some sonic bliss.”

“I- what?”

And to the back, four ponies made up of two pegasi, two unicorns and four earth ponies, plus a dragon.

“And here’s the baby!”

“Oh my gosh, she’s a cutie! With her pitch black fur! And her purple hair! And her slit pupil… eyes… Cheese, is this who I think it is?”

“It can’t be. Zesty Gourmet is in Las Pegasus, last I heard.”

“Oh, nevermind then!”

There was a giggle from the crib while one silent voice looked dubiously between the two. “I- I trust you two to keep the baby entertained. I’m going to catch up with Twilight.”

“See ya, Princess!”

“So, if she isn’t Zesty, what other terrifying villainess reborn could she be?”

“That Sombra guy your friends blew up?”

“Sombra was a boy! And he wasn’t that scary. Now, she can’t be Gilda, I saw her a few months ago, and she was fine. Maybe Starlight? Oh my gosh, she was right behind us! When did she die!?”

“It’s just these things happen when you least suspect them, Pinkie.”

“But she was so young!”

One dubious voice of reason was left. “Are you two serious?”

“Spike, you’re in denial!”

“Little guy, you’re just going have to accept this as one of the hard facts of life.”

And then there was this little reunion happening at the door.

“Hello, Blueblood.” Rarity growled but felt a little giddy feeling Rainbow’s wing tighten, pushing her more firmly against Rainbow taut, firm flank. A glance to the side sent electricity up her spine as Rainbow’s hackles rose.

Blueblood just raised an eyebrow at all this. “Hello, you.”

“Wait.” Rarity’s eyes narrow and her face slackens in a confusion approaching something like outraged disbelief. “Do you not remember who I am?”

Blueblood grinned, “Should I?”

Rarity shook of the warm feathery embrace to get right in somepony’s face. “The Gala of two years ago? You used me as a pony shield for flying cake!”

Blueblood arched a brow. “Ah, I think I remember. You’re that jumped-up, gem-digging peasant seamstress, am I right?”

Rarity sneered. “You-”

“Oh, that is it!” Blue and feathers and angry body language stomped right past Rarity, making the prince back up. “I’ve had enough of you!”

Rarity flinched and stared. “Rrr- Rainbow, I don’t-”

Rainbow turned her head, brought her face awfully close to Rarity’s. “Don’t worry, babe-” An audible kiss laid right down on the jawline. “-I gotchyu.”

The rest of the room, dead silence. Had any of the other six been holding something glass, it’d be hitting the floor right about then but not a one of them had the sense of dramatic timing. Alas.

Leaving a slowly pinkening Rarity behind, Rainbow Dash stomped up to the Prince, her wings tightly held to her body.

“M’am, I would watch-”

“You piss haired, blue blooded pig snot! You disgust me!”

“Eh- excuse-”

“You make me believe in reincarnation because I can’t believe anypony could be as fulla horse apples as you after only one lifetime! How they allow the likes of you to remain in Celestia’s presence and live is absolutely baffling to me! I bet you spend all my taxes on sucking the botox out your flank to make that pretty colt face of yours! If your parents had any ounce of dignity left after they went through the utter shame of giving birth to something as totally worthless as you, then you stripped them of it with your every waking action!”

Blueblood backed further and farther up as Rainbow Dash pressed forward, pushing her snout in his face and just shouting to the top of her scraggly voice. He’d trip, falling on his flank and she pressed her advantage, looming over him, hammering him down. “You horrifying mud stain on the royal family, you make me wanna vomit! You get out of my face before I grab a lightning bolt and shove it so far past your cutie mark, I will use your eyes like a torch light!”

The prince scrambled to his feet on cue and bolted past the seething pegasus. He added a shriek to his departure right then as he dived between the legs of some towering, midnight blue pony.

Luna stood there, gaping, holding Starlight Glimmer upside-down in her magic with a similar expression. The two of them stared slackjawed at the assembled room but the lot of them were busy staring likewise at Rainbow Dash.

“Wha- what did I miss?” Starlight gasped.

Luna looked at her. “Honestly, what else was there to see? That was the single greatest thing ever.”

“I- how- wha-!?”

Pinkie finally looked at her and waved her forelegs. “Starlight, you’re not dead!”

“Seriously, what did I miss!?”

Celestia pursed her lips. “Twilight, I had no idea Rainbow Dash and Rarity were a couple. I almost would have expected you to tell me of this development, so I must say I admire your discretion on the matter.”

“Uh,” was Twilight’s well-worded and informative reply.

And Starlight, “What happened while I was gone!?” Still confused.

“But I really could have sworn Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were a thing,” Luna said. “Did you two have some nasty break-up?”

Rainbow raised her hoof. “Uh, actually, Princess, it’s not-”

Pinkie cut it. “That tramp Rarity stole her right out from under my hooves!”

Rarity pressed herself up against Rainbow Dash. “I’m sorry, Pinkie, but it seems Dashie has met a real mare.”

Rainbow Dash gave a flat, “What.”

Applejack put a hoof to her mouth and crowed with a grin, “Rainbow, ya heart breaker!”

Pinkie Pie was having none of that. “Oh, that’s it! Cheese, hold me ba- stop eating popcorn and hold me back, Cheese Sandwich!”

“Are you kidding? I usually have to pay for this kind of entertainment!”

Rarity clopped around the confused pegasus. “That’s right, Pinkie. She is now my valiant, chivalrous and dashing-”

“Haha, noice.” No matter what, Pinkie always appreciated a good pun. Cheese nodded next to her. “That was nice.”

“-mmhhm, thank you! She’s my dashing pegasus champion now!” Rarity emphasized the point by wrapping her forelegs around her chosen pony and kissing her on the cheek.

“Ugh, don’t get mushy on my now, Rarity!” Rainbow tried to push her off, but not too hard. “I already got rid of the guy!”

“That’s what makes this the perfect time, champ. Besides, this is rather tame compared to that lover’s peck you gave my neck.”

“What, I only kissed you on the cheek!”

“Then you missed, because you darn well nearly gave me a hickey.”

“Are you for real?”

“I bruise easily.”

“Uhhuh.”

Daring glanced between that and her farm pony companion. “So, is this what you and your friends do all day?”

“Nah, sometimes we have interpersonal problems.”

“Uhhuh.”

Luna darted her eyes between the lot of them. “So do wait, I find myself confused. Are Rarity and Rainbow Dash not a couple?”

“Nah.” Rainbow Dash made another attempt to shake off Rarity’s impression of Opal in her more affectionate moods. “It’s just, like, I really wanted to kick his butt but I thought I needed a real good- get off Rare -a real good excuse to do it.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Nah, I thought it still wasn’t a good enough excuse to whoop him in front of Princess Celestia-”

“I would have allowed it.”

“-heh, thanks. So I just gave him the drill sergeant routine.”

Spike raised a claw. “Actually, where the heck did you learn to do that, Rainbow?”

Rainbow fanned herself. “Oh man, so, this one time at-” She had to push somepony out from under her wings. “-get off Rare- this one time at Wonderbolt Academy, one of the recruits said she thought Spitfire was supposed to act a lot nastier. So Spitfire asked her if she really wanted to see Spitfire’s drill sergeant routine and she said okay. The recruit cried for hours and it was amazing.”

Still suspended in Luna’s glow, Starlight looked down at Rainbow. “What is wrong with you?”

Applejack opened her mouth, seemingly about to repeat the sentiment, when she paused and threw a dubious look at Starlight. “Not a whole lotta room to talk there, Starlight.”

“Wha- hey, what’d I do!?”

Applejack stared.

“I mean lately.”

“Define lately.”

“Girls!” Pinkie shouted, waving her forelegs. “Just forget about Rainbow stealing my woman, and come look at Luna’s baby!”

The silence’s spouse from earlier decided it could not live without its love, and tooks its life then and there. This second dead silence twitched horribly at the end of the noose in the middle of the room, where it hung until Night Glider awkwardly cut it down.

“Hold on, I thought you were with Rainbow Dash.”

Pinkie shrugged. “Meh, I’m like the town unicycle.”

“Unicycle?”

“Everypony tries to ride me but nopony can stand me!”

“Pffft, hahaha! I love this chick!”

“Princess Luna has a BABY!?” Clearly, Twilight didn’t appreciate the joke or maybe she had more important things on her mind.

Luna spoke, “Tangentially speaking-”

Her other half raised an amused look. “Oh, now you say it.”

“-shut up- but how did you know, Pinkie Pie?”

Pinkie looked at her dubiously. “Princess, it’s a pitch black alicorn baby with slit pupil eyes. Yeah, it can be so many ponies’ foal.”

“Touche.”

“Hold on, what? I gotta see this.” Rainbow’s sentiment mirrored the rest of her friends. Seven mares and a dragon using one of them as a footstool gathered around the crib, sticking their heads in to finally get a look at the gurgling little life that had brought them here in the first place.

“Oh wow, huh, that’s actually a pitch black alicorn, straight outta my fanfic.”

Glimmer was set down with them as the diarchs convened. “Yeah, except no red highlights like in yours.”

Applejack blinked and peered at Glimmer. “You actually read her stories?”

“Don’t you?”

“Princess Luna.” Rarity looked off, away from the crib. “How do you mean tangentially speaking?”

“Well, it’s not like I’ve taken on any secret lover lately-”

“Aw,” Rarity sighed in disappointment.

“-like my sister has.”

“Oh.”

There was a brief pause and then a third silence walked into the room. It tripped over the corpses and broke its neck. I mean, at this point, it was just getting morbidly comical.

All eyes turned in wide surprise towards the diarchs as that one got processed. All except for the baby, who is a baby, and Tree Hugger, who is Tree Hugger, who squeezed herself in next to Fluttershy.

“So, like, is now a bad time to mention the baby is Nightmare Moon or what?”

“Only tangentially,” Luna insisted.

There are too many bodies for this to be a mere coincidence, and the police have begun to suspect a silence serial killer is on the loose.

“Oh, so that’s who she is!” Pinkie said at last. “Cool, that’s was, like, my fifth guess!”

“I have so many questions.” Rainbow Dash gazed at the baby with a solemn blankness before taking account of her friends. “How about you girls?”

She got a general murmur of assent from the rest of the girls, except Pinkie and Twilight. Pinkie seemed pretty content so far with what she knew and didn’t know, and Twilight was having a nervous breakdown.

“Wha- wha- wha- wha- wha-”

“So, Princess Celestia-” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes. “-you have a lucky special somepony?”

Princess Celestia tilted her head. “Not- well, this isn’t precisely how I wanted this secret to come out.”

Princess Luna shook her mane. “Honestly, I thought these seven would know about it already. Twilight is a master of discretion, it seems.”

“And everypony else in the room?”

“Mm?” Luna looked around. “Ah, yes, I forgot about the B-Team.”

Trixie let loose a primal scream.

“Whaaaaaaa-” Twilight kept on.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle, return to us,” Luna said softly. “I know this is a shock, and Nightmare Moon hurt you deeply-”

“I mean, not really,” Rainbow said with a shrug. “You were pretty tame in trying to stop us up to the castle. I mean, the cliff and the manticore were pretty dangerous but like- Starlight and Discord were a lot worse than you.”

“I- buh- wha!?”

“I took their cutie marks, locked them in a room and tried to brainwash them into rejecting everything that made them special,” Starlight clarified. “I was- uh- I was pretty awful.”

Pinkie nodded. “Heck, Trixie tore off my mouth that one time and enslaved Ponyville. She was hardcore!”

Trixie perked at what might be a compliment. “Darn right!” Her companions on the B-Team looked at her dubiously.

Luna cantered on her hooves. “I- I nearly ended the world!” She said, desperate to get her villain credit back.

Starlight smirked knowingly at her. “No, you didn’t.”

“You shut your horse mouth!”

Princess Celestia sighed, moving in to put a stop to this nonsense. A gentle hoof was placed on her protege’s shoulder. “Twilight, I know this may come as a shock to you-”

Twilight flinched out of her brain fizzling meltdown to look at Princess Celestia with shocked eyes. “You’re darn right this is a shock!”

“-but I assure you, Nyx is not-”

“I didn’t know you were dating!”

“-daaaiiiii- excuse me, Twilight?”

Princess Luna had been winding up to wallop Starlight Glimmer good and proper without being too obvious about it, but actually saw it far more proper to put a halt to it for this. “‘Tia. ‘Tia. Do you honestly mean to tell me you forgot to tell your surrogate daughter about your new would-be consort?”

Celestia closed her eyes, making a noise like a hum and growl being thoroughly juiced to make a pulpy noise drink. Twilight glared right up at her, cheeks puffed and a similar noise vibrating in her throat, except this cocktail was pureed with a scream.

“Celestia, Solaria, did you really just pull a Shining Armor on Twilight Sparkle?”

“Well, this is awkward,” Fluttershy very quietly observed.

Time for a field trip.

A whole lotta mares, one stallion, one dragon and one very long hallway lined with stained glass windows. These ones depicted single subjects rather than events, as many such windows most guests were used to. Now Twilight, she recognized many of these figures. Indeed, Twilight knew who these were and recognized why the Princess had insisted they, that she, come through here.

Daring Do took up the role of tour guide without thinking. “The Lane Of The Light’s Lost Lovers, each of these windows depicts one of Princess Celestia’s late spouses. They are all po- people that the Princess loved and was loved in return by during their brief time on this world.”

“Very good, Ms. Do.”

“Ah!” Daring Do reared. “Princess, I’m sorry! I-”

Princess Celestia looked back at her with a wry grin. “No, no, my adventurous little pony. It pleases me to know some ponies remember them. It does well to remind my little ponies that I am no virginal princess.”

Twilight grimaced. “Princess, I’m-”

“And no apologies from you either. Even among those close to me, this mistake seems to be made quite often. I’m told I have a bit of an aura. Right Luna?”

“You’re everypony’s mother and nopony wishes to think about their mother doing that.” Luna snorted while shaking her head. “Sometimes I think that’s part of why half your marriages were to non-ponies as much as any openness to them.”

Celestia huffed good naturedly before turning to Daring Do again. “If there is any offense I would take, it is referring to me as ‘the Princess’, when there are quite a few more of us now, especially my sister, but I imagine many ponies are still getting used to that. Now, Ms. Do, can you name some of my late spouses?”

“S-sorry. Um-” Daring Do nodded and nodded again towards a couple windows. “I recognize the pegasus mare there as Lieutenant Paper Mache and over there, that hominid, is Gareth ‘Grey Spear’ the Hunter.”

Twilight piped up. “And that earth pony mare there is Blazing Saddles and the diamond dog there is Spike The Ornery.”

Spike the dragon patted at his neck. “Well, he’s got a spikey collar, I guess.”

“Supposedly, he wore it as a message to Princess Celestia, that though she had bound him, she would never truly tame him.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Actually, he was trying to say to ‘Tia was, ‘Put me on a leash and take me for a walk.’”

Immediately, Pinkie and Rainbow cracked up at that one, Night Glider and Starlight following right behind when they realized it was safe to do. Other ponies seemed hesitant still or just uneasy, none more so than Twilight Sparkle. Spike didn’t get it.

“Oh, you think that’s good for a laugh, wait until you hear about this character,” Luna drawled as they drew to the end of the hall. Here. one window stood in the middle, depicting a mottled gray pegasus with huge, spread wings as if he stood vigil over the rest.

“Princess Celestia’s first spouse,” Daring Do said from memory. “Gosling The Swan Prince.”

“More like peacock,” Luna huffed. “No, no, peacad.”

Rainbow snorted with anticipation for the next dirty joke. “What’d he do?”

“Luna.”

“No, ‘Tia, let them hear about this, your precious prize peacock!”

…

More than a thousand years ago…

Out on a balcony, the Swan Prince sat, surrounded by three enormous stallions. They- they don’t matter at this junction. Suffice it to say, they sat in silence, watching the sun dip beneath the distant mountain of Canterlot. The enormous earth pony turned to Gosling, observing silent for a moment before he spoke with a voice like gravel.

“You seem thoughtful, Gosling.”

“Yeah, I was just thinkin’, gents.” Gosling’s accent was the grandfather to the Manehatten inner city dialect.

“Mmm, what is it?” The pegasus had, at this point in time, a voice like a stiff breeze with distant, passing thunder.

“If I nutted all over Celestia’s face, would anypony notice?”

The unicorn of the three giants tried to hide his snickering like the soft burble of a steam, but then the dam broke and cackling laughter flooded out. The earth pony grunted, any laughter he had had been depleted like a stripped mine a while ago. The pegasus choked and coughed, the perfect cover for the sound of two alicorn mares doing the exact same thing just a balcony below.

…

On the floor, dead, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, with Cheese and Night Glider trying to help them up and not get dragged down with them. Applejack had her hat pulled down over her face, embarrassed and trying really hard not to laugh too, something she oddly had in common with Celestia and one wing. Rarity, Trixie, Fluttershy and Daring Do looked a bit shocked and mortified to varying degrees, but none so much as Twilight Sparkle. Starlight Glimmer did her best to keep her teacher from keeling over from shock. Tree Hugger was utterly placid, far more attentive of the bundled baby alicorn in one foreleg, and Spike just didn’t get it.

Luna was smug.

“Let’s- let’s just keeping move, everypony,” Celestia said as she lowered her wings. “Come, let’s meet Gathaga.”

Author's Note

Penstroke still created Nyx, that hasn't changed.

Kudzuhaiku created Gosling and Soulpillar created Gareth. All three have been used with permission. The idea of Celestia having a long line of spouses also comes from Soulpillar.

Paper Mache is a reference to Vavacung. Blazing Saddles is also a reference, but I dunno whom actually owns the characters. Both are just name dropped references, so I hope that won't be a problem.

Any concepts you see in here and like, feel free to take. You might execute them better than I.

Meet Mom's New Girlfriend

Ponies and a dragon trailed along the halls on their way. This travelling herd was spread relatively thin, so that more than a dozen ponies were spread above three body lengths apart on average. In practice, they grouped into miniature herds, bunched together and even further apart from others. Princess Celestia took the lead and Luna guarded the rear.

Near the back, paces in front of Princess Luna, Night Glider got Starlight Glimmer to herself. Although there, Trixie was pushed to the side of this conversation, as Night Glider grinned wide eyed at Starlight.

“So, Starlight, when’re you coming back to the village?”

Starlight rolled her eyes to the right. “Oh, I think I can put some time aside to visit.”

“No, not visit.” Night Glider shook her head. “When are you coming back for good? Our town needs its mayor!”

“May- what?” Starlight flinched. “Night Glider, I wasn’t your mayor, I was your cult leader.”

“Yeah, okay, sure, fine.” Night Glider waved that off as if being a high-functioning, albeit recovering, sociopath that performed extensive psychological torment and, at least, borderline black magic was a minor detail. “But now we’re a town and we need a mayor.”

“I don’t think it should be me though.” Starlight did not think it was a minor detail.

Go ahead, seize the power the power that is given to you, said something like a thought, whispered in dark corners or, more accurately, from Starlight’s shadows.

A more mocking though came. You are a puppet master, it is your destiny to make others dance upon your strings.

“I think it should be!”

She is your leader, you are lost without her! Thought Night Glider’s shadow.

You are a slave of invisible chains.

“I-”

“HALT!”

“-IIIIEEE!!”

Starlight shrieked and jumped, her head slamming into the midnight blue roof above her. More specifically, into Princess Luna standing above her. The resultant noise brought everyone to a halt, staring back at them. Starlight looked up at the princess while Luna stared to and fro between patches of lighting.

Grimacing in distaste, Princess Luna looked up. “I apologize, everypony. Today has me nervous, and I’m jumping at shadows.”

With a dubious look shared by everyone, they collectively shrugged and moved on, and the herd continued. Luna breathed a sigh of relief before her aura grabbed a hold of Starlight once again.

“A word, however.” A glance at Trixie and Night Glider told them to stay back as Luna dragged Starlight back to rear.

A little further up ahead, Rarity found herself enjoying being sandwiched between three very fine specimens of muscled femininity.

“It sounds like there’s quite a story there,” Daring Do whispered, glancing backwards. “Night Glider, she talked about that Starlight Glimmer in glowing terms. A little too glowing, like pyrite.”

“That’s fool’s gold,” Rainbow said down the line to Applejack.

Applejack arched a brow. “Ah.”

Daring Do continued, “I had heard she was a former cultist, but not so former after all. She was still well enamored with this Starlight Glimmer and her leadership.”

“Yeah, I mean, when we last left that place, they was all up in arms against her,” Applejack said. She raised a hoof. “We’d done exposed her hornswogglin’ but it seems like they went right back to thinkin’ she was the bee’s knees.”

“Indeed,” Rarity said with half-lidded eyes, looking distant. “Starlight rather thought she was going to be ponysona non grata after that debacle and I- well, I found them to be rather forgiving, like good ponies are, but this reaction is too much.”

“It makes sense, the kind of programming that goes on in these cults is hard to break.” Daring Do glanced back again. “But you said Starlight Glimmer stepped down willingly, right?”

Rainbow frowned. “Uh, not from the cult leader thing. We kinda started a rebellion and she bounced. After that, she came back for Twilight looking for revenge but then Twilight talked her down.”

“What did she do?”

“Ah, some crazy thing with time travel, tried to stop me from pulling off the sonic rainboom when I was a kid. It turns out I’m the chosen one, though, so when she stopped me from being awesome, it destroyed Equestria.”

Daring Do looked at her dubiously, glancing over to Rarity and spotted her rolling her eyes. That might be any number of things though.

A little further down the line, four ponies crowded around an infant alicorn, cooing in delight at the magical aberration. Cheese leaned over the three mares as each of them encouraged the baby to burble with delight.

“Those eyes are just like a snake’s!” Fluttershy coo’d. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

“She’s like an exotic alien princess!” Pinkie said. “She’ll be a real hit on Nightmare Night.” She paused and looked up, glancing at Fluttershy. “I mean-”

Do you remember that one time you made her cry?

You never did apologize for it. Did you even realize what you did?

Fluttershy noticed that sudden paused and looked up. “Pinkie?” She tried to search her face. “Is something-”

Do you remember that one time you made her cry?

They only ever forgave you because they thought it wasn’t your fault.

“Yeah, she’s pretty rad,” Tree Hugger said as she hefted the baby.

“Oh, Flutterbutt, I’m so sorry I wasn’t sorry even though I was sorry! Sorry!”

“Pinkie, I’m sorry too!” Fluttershy threw herself at Pinkie at the same as the other did, and the both of them crashed into a pile of hugs. “Wait- Flutterwhat?”

No, nonono! You were supposed to let this fester! Cursed one shadow.

The other shadow shrugged. Not what I expected to happen.

Barren, blasted burrows of Baator! Ponies and their forgiveness!

Cheese Sandwich glanced at the two mares hugging it out on the floor now, shrugged and went back to the baby. “Tubular!”

“I’m sure you’ll love Gathaga, Twilight. You and her have so much in- Twilight?”

Celestia glanced back, frowning with concern at what she thought she saw. Her eyes darted about, but nothing more of the shadowy flicker seemed to materialize. She looked away and back to her student, briefly sharing a worried look with Spike riding behind her neck. Twilight marched forward, her eyes dead set forward.

“Twilight, what are you thinking?”

Her student, former, didn’t answer immediately, keeping on straight ahead in pace and stare. It took her half a minute to open her mouth. “Gathaga?”

“That’s right.” Celestia’s voice tilted with anticipation.

Twilight looked back at her. “What’s she like?”

This made Celestia smile warmly. “My faithful princess, of that you’ll find out shortly.”

“Could you tell me how you two met?”

Celestia sniffed briefly. “As many of my relationships in the past have had to start, it began with deception.”

Twilight tripped on a step. “D-deception?”

Spike turned back and yelled down the hall, “Hey guys! What do you call a bar where single ponies go to meet other single ponies?”

Applejack called back down, “That’d be whatchu call a ‘single’s bar’, Spike.”

“Thanks!”

“Consarnit, Pinkie Pie! F-Fluttershy? What’re you two doin’, rollin’ around on the floor in front of everypony?”

“Applejack, I’m so sorry!” Pinkie suddenly embraced the cowpony, causing her to yelp in alarm.

“Land’s sakes!”

“Rarity!” Fluttershy glomped her friend. “I’m sorry too!”

“I- uh- yes, dearest!”

“Rainbow Dash!”

“Oh my gosh, Rainbow Dash!” Both Pinkie and Fluttershy turned on her but she made ten feet into the air in one tenth of a second.

“Nope!”

Spike blinked at that unfolding miniature drama before he shrugged it off. “Anywho, Twilight, c’mon, can you imagine Princess Celestia going to a single’s bar looking for a special somepony?”

Twilight did imagine exactly that, stumbled, crossed her legs while recovering, screamed and hit the marble floor face first. Still, she decided that the images in her head of Princess Celestia drunkenly flirting over a beer bottle still hurt more. “Ow, my brain.”

“See? My point exactly. So the the princess has to be sneaky.”

Celestia looked back at him. “Well, you’re not completely wrong, Spike.”

Twilight picked herself up, rubbing her nose, and noticed they were near the end of the hall before it branched in two directions. Two guard stallions stood sentinel there, a cherry red pegasus with the three chevrons marks of a sergeant for his cutie mark and a big pink earth pony with a glazed donut of all things.

“Princesses present!” The red stallion shouted, presumably to his companion without turning toward him. “Saaaalute!” Both stallions stood at attention, albeit the pink one smiled a great deal more than normal.

“Private Glazed Donut,” Celestia greeted warmly. “Sergeant Sergeant.”

Spike looked over him. “Your name is Sergeant?”

The stallion nodded. “Affirmative.”

“And your special talent is…?”

“Being a sergeant!”

“Right.”

“Sergeant,” Celestia referred to him by his title. On special occasions, she was far more familiar and simply called him by his given name. Only he seemed to know the difference. “We were heading towards the observatory to see Gathaga, is she still there?”

“Negative, your highness,” Sergeant replied curtly. “Subject Zeta has relocated to visual historical archive gamma.”

“She’s in the third fancy history painting gallery from the throne room!” Private Donut explained helpfully.

“Thank you, gentlecolts.”

“She’s with those three really big stallions,” Private Donut said.

Twilight arched her brows. “Really big stallions?”

“Yeah. I’m kinda jealous, really. Surrounded by three, huge, burly stallions and showered with their-”

Rainbow Dash landed next to Twilight, whose eyes were widening with shock. “Hold on, I suddenly started paying attention.”

“-rich historical knowledge.”

“And you lost me.”

“Ah, the brothers are here,” Celestia said with calm. “Once more, thank you, gentlecolts. Come along, everypony, Spike, I know exactly where we’re going.

The halls were particularly empty as the herd approached. Luna had sidled her way to the front by then and she gestured for them all to pipe down. The acoustics of this place carried a nearby conversation

Around the corner, there was a solemn toned voice like slowly grinding gravel. “-to this day, he remains to be called The Despoiler. Even his own people refer to him that way, as they will not deny what he was, but the caribou also call him The Liberator.”

A female voice, with the barest hint of a screech to it. “So, zose stories aren’t true?”

“Oho!” Laughed a voice like a firm, stiff breeze. “My dear, one does not get called ‘The Despoiler’ by politely askin’ for your people’s freedom, plus recompense, with peaceful protests. Dainn was more vicious and mad than a fox in a hen house.”

The gravelly voiced grunted. “Nothing quite so systematic as in those, mm, ‘stories’, but his people were male-ruled, his forces were raiders and pirates and his agenda was half liberation, half vengeance for three centuries of enslavement by all the races of the continent, to be paid by one race in only a decade.”

“And cowardly colts joinin’ his cause and later sayin’ they was hoodwinked. So yes, yer goshdarn right rapine and mutilatin’ happened.” A whinny, a rapidly shaking head. “Dear, what brought up this dreadful subject?”

“Ze, mm, ‘stories’.”

“Right, those. It’s no wonder somebou is up in horns about this.”

As the herd drew closer, Rainbow leaned in towards Twilight. “What in the hay are they talking about?”

Twilight frowned in thought, remembering some particularly unpleasant passages. “It sounds like the Reindeer Rebellion, also known as the Caribou Invasion. It’s an obscure piece of history.”

“Obscure, is it?” Luna said, looking back. “It set about freeing an entire race from slavery, and marked several drastic changes in political policy throughout the continent.”

“Haha, yeah, and it also got made into some really grody porn,” Said a giant blue unicorn.

“I snuff Dainn’s madness with mine own hooves and they make-” She stopped and stared at the new speaker, standing in her way. She seemed only mildly surprised to see him “-oh, hello, Aequor.”

A blue unicorn, lanky and tall enough to fit the same build as the princesses. His mane resembled waves, his tail a waterfall. From top to bottom, he went through every shade of blue, darker and darker towards his hooves, like an oceanic cross section.

“‘Ey, yo, wassup, Luna. You lookin’ fine.” With a flat expression, Aequor’s magic lowered the comic of what was not Fallout: Equestria, Luna’s favorite. She stepped forward and wrapped a wing around Aequor, pushing his head under her chin. She turned and looked at the pages, her face twisting.

“Oh, that’s some pleasant imagery,” She drawled.

Aequor grinned. “Yeah, I heard it’s got Tarandroland losin’ their moose apples.”

Celestia walked by them with just a brief glance, little ponies trailing behind her and staring. “Actually, we haven’t heard anything from Tarandroland. It’s the Equestrian Caribou Anti-Defamation Society that’s been quite up in horns about this.”

Luna turned. “Don’t they know what that spells?”

Aequor raised a hoof. “And more importantly, do they have apples up that far north? Would it be pinecones? They be losin’ their moose pinecones?”

Celestia carried right on around the corner. “Gathaga!”

Right in the middle there, there was a monkey. And I’m not coyly referring to a human, I mean a vaguely anthropomorphic monkey, with orange body fur and a tail and everything. There was also another pair of giant stallions, but Twilight didn’t care about them, here eyes were on Gathaga- Twilight presumed this was-

“Twilight, this is Gathaga.”

Right.

Gathaga she was and ooked in delight at the sight of the princess. “Cee-lestia!” She hopped away from the two stallions, prehensile tail curling and she sprung up the side of the taller equinid form. She wore a burgundy vest that jangled with many odd metal devices, pressing that metal against Celestia as she hugged her neck.

“Gathaga, this is Twilight.”

Like, the other ponies glanced over at this happening, but a far more dominating sight in this hallway was the Princess-sized pegasus and an earth pony that certainly took the cake in the term ‘giant’. Both of them shared that cross section pattern as the last giant, of the atmosphere and geological layers respectively.

For Twilight, all thoughts were on this creature instead. In any other circumstances, she’d have so many questions hinted at by the stallion pair’s presence-

“So, like, what’s your guys’s deal?” Rainbow Dash asked them and I’ll totally get to that in a moment.

-but far more important to Twilight was the monkey. Her mind whirled about, which isn’t that unusual for the pony. Catarrhinid, like Sun Wukong, but likely a different race, unless- well, if Sun was anything like Celestia, he was taller than the rest of his kin. Was she a kong? And, more importantly, why is she currently on top of Celestia!?

This is the person the princess is d-d-d-d-ddddd-

Gathaga swung down from Celestia’s back and took one of her front hooves in her paws to shake it vigorously. Suddenly, Twilight was reminded of Applejack and their first meeting. She half expected a southern drawl from her.

“Vunderbar!” That’s what she got instead. “It is so nice to be meeting you at last, Fraulein T’ilight Spockle! Cee-lestia, she has told me so about you!”

“Fffffunny,” Twilight dragged out, her whole body shaking still from the vigorous greeting. “She never mentioned you.”

Gathaga quirked a bemused smile and looked back at Celestia who, of course, looked embarrassed while Luna looked smug. “Is zat so? Liebling, I am knowing zat you vanted to keep it a secret but I sought T’ilight vould be in ze know, mm?”

“Yeah,” Twilight growled. “I thought I would be too.”

Gathaga stopped, her mouth falling into a frown and doing a double take on the very tight expression slowly growing more taut across her face. Luna was right there with Gathaga, eyeing the Twilight Timebomb with growing caution. She and Gathaga both turned to look at Celestia while stepping out from between Twilight. Their expressions read, “You did this, you fix itthis.” Celestia sighed, deflating and stepped forward to partake in a rare sort of satisfaction.

Defusing her own mistakes.

“Twilight, would you like to discuss this privately, elsewhere?”

Eyes narrow, lips curled, Twilight very tightly answered, “Yes. I would.”

Celestia surrounded them both in the warm glow of the dawn before disappearing elsewhere. I’ll get to that in a second, but first-

“So, like, what’s your guys’s deal?” Rainbow Dash asked the two giants moments ago. More specifically, while flapping up to get face-to-face with the giant-iest of the giants. That is, the one who might actually qualify as a giant and not just being non-alicorn pony who can look either princess in the eye. The earth pony made a sound that might be a growl and a face that might be a scowl, or might be him going, “Uh,” with a really gravelly voice and a grimace of a thinking face.

The pegasus, he had a coat that resembled a schoolhouse poster detailing the atmosphere and all the different clouds in the sky. He never gave the earth pony a chance to respond, and instead interrupted with a delighted laugh, stepping in between him and Rainbow.

“Ah, my dear, ain’t’ch’yu quite the curious one?”

“Uhhh…” The earth pony continued to “Uh.”

Rainbow looked between them, settling a scowl on the pegasus, less than impressed and crossing her hooves. “Yeah, you guys are a buncha big weirdos hanging out with the princesses-”

The pegasus kept smiling, seemingly more amused himself. “Well, as a matter of technicality, we were here with her swain.”

“Uuuh…”

Rainbow shook her head. “Yeah, I’m not even gonna touch that one. Twilight already looks like she’s gonna have an aneurysm.”

“Uuhh-”

The giant pegasus glanced over at the meeting between Twilight and Gathaga, still taking place at this moment and hummed in discontent. “Yes, that does seem to be a bit of a mess happening there.”

The earth pony opened his mouth then and solemnly intoned, “We are the three brothers, born of the ele- mm!” The pegasus shoved his big fluffy tail in the earth pony’s face, cutting him off.

“Suffice it to say, my dear, we are just another coupla of them ageless folks that the Princesses invited here for the council summit.”

As a reminder that there are more than a dozen individuals in that hallway, Applejack and Starlight took the time to enter in from stage left.

“Well, you three are ponies, I wasn’t expecting that,” Applejack said, tilting her hat back. “We saw that Monkey King feller and just kinda assumed all the other folk comin’ would be all kinds of different, well, folks.”

The earth pony tilted his head back from that tail. “Most of them will be. Ponies have an unusually high number of ageless, yes, even with-” He paused before saying more and shook his head. “-but I believe you have seen all the ones you ever will. The rest coming are non-ponies.”

“I expect you’ll be seein’ folks from all over, my dear,” the pegasus added with a nod of his head.

Applejack tilted her hat back, smiling appreciatively at him. Starlight seemed fairly interested herself, opening her mouth to ask something when a pink blur zipped past her.

Pinkie Pie hopped on top of Applejack, to the pegasus and landed on the giant earth pony. She settled on his back, laying down. While the other two looked about in surprise, the earth pony turned his head and looked at her placidly.

“Hey there!” She beamed brightly at him. “My name is Pinkie Pie! What’s your name?”

He sighed heavily like a settling mountain. “Tellus.”

Pinkie shook her head. “No, no, you tell me.”

Rainbow covered her mouth to snort at that one, especially as Tellus scowled in further confusion, trying to figure out what she meant. Applejack rolled her eyes and Starlight frowned worriedly.

Starlight turned to the last giant and pointed with her hoof. “We heard Luna call the unicorn ‘Aequor’, so I guess that just leaves you, right?”

The pegasus stepped forward and took that hoof as if it were proffered. “Well, allow me to introduce myself, madam.” He bent his head down, pulling her hoof up, stopping short of kissing it, perhaps because he saw Starlight cringing. “I am called Caelum.”

Applejack stepped in then, taking off her hat and offering her own hoof. “Well, a right howdy to you, Caelum! I’m Applejack. Now, is it Prince Caelum? Cause I’m none too sure about the protocol here.”

Caelum didn’t try anything fancy with Applejack, taking her hoof and shaking it vigorously. “Well, a right howdy to you too, Miss Applejack. ‘Prince’ might be one of my titles, but I insist-”

Tellus rumbled, “Once, long ago, we were called kings, but in our foolish- mmf!” He got another face full of fluffy cloud tail.

Pinkie shook her hoof in frustration. “C’mon, give us a lore dump!”

Cheese, from atop Tellus’s head, repeated the motion and sentiment. “Yeah, lore dump!” Tellus seemed unperturbed as he looked up at the sudden new passenger with that same stony expression.

Daring Do hovered next to Rainbow, leaning her head to the side. “I’m actually pretty curious too.”

Rainbow snorted, rolling her eyes. “I’m not. I just wanted to know who in the Tart’ they thought they were hanging out with Princess Celestia’s special somemonkey and acting like they own the place.”

“Right.”

This collective socializing came to an abrupt end with the subdued flash of Celestia’s teleportation taking her and Twilight away. Another glow brought Spike back to the group, away from his perch on Celestia’s back. Wiping his arms, he sighed. “Well, glad I’m away from that awkwardness.”

Aequor stepped up to the group of ponies talking to the other giants, staring at the spot where Celestia disappeared from. “Huh, that happened.” Turning back to the others, he said, “Hey, I heard my name, wassup?”

Starlight looked up at him and started to raise her hoof before putting it down. “Hi there, my name is Starlight Glimmer. I was just asking your- uh…”

“Brothers.”

“Oh, brothers!” She looked them over. “Yeah, I was asking their names and I mentioned you.”

“Oh, cool. Starlight, huh? Sup.”

Starlight darted her eyes. “Um, not much? Just coming to this summit, ee- yo. Wassup with you?”

Aequor snorted, chuckling with his eyes closed as Starlight got red in the face. He finally looked at her with a sidelong glance and seemed to have some recognition. “Hey, aren’t you that crazy warlock cultist I heard about?”

Starlight was now a nice shade of red pumice. She strained a smile and pumped a hoof. “Eheheh, eeyup, that’s me.”

Nightglider swooped down and landed not-so-gently next to the unicorn giant, glaring up at him. “Hey, you leave Starlight alone! She’s not- well, okay, we were kind of a cult. And- and that spell of hers was pretty dark. But she’s not crazy! She’s mentally unwell!”

Starlight gave her a half-lidded stare. “Thanks, Nightglider.”

“Anytime, Starlight!”

Trixie, grinning all smug, sidled up next to Starlight. “Don’t worry, Starlight, you and Trixie can be cellmates in the asylum together.”

Starlight grit her teeth. “Thanks, Trixie.”

“Oh, anytime, Starlight.”

Meanwhile, Rarity stared at the dissipating afterglow of Celestia’s departure too before walking past that and over to the monkey girl left behind, holding out her hoof. “Hello, darling. Miss Gathaga, correct?”

Gathaga took the hoof into her paw as daintily as it was offered. “Ja.” She sounded deflated and Rarity picked up on that.

Wanting to distract her, Rarity asked, “So, is that something like a Germane accent I hear?”

Gathaga perked up. “Oh, ja! I am from ze Barony Of Affrenkfass, or ze Gerzmankey Barrelny as you ponies call it, as it is fery close to Germane.”

“Really?” Rarity leaned in with interest. “What part of Gerzmankey did you come from?”

“Vell,” Gathaga looked thoughtful, her dexterous paws idly playing with the gears and tools on her vest. “Before I am comink here to Equestria, I am liifink in Kastle Chimpenbach, zat is vere I am first starting letters with mysterious colleague zat turns out to be Cee-lestia. But originally I am just gizmonk from Monkanisberg.”

“Well, Monkanisberg, that’s your hometown. What’s that like?”

“Oh, it vas-” Gathaga blinked and looked at Rarity. “I am sorry, fraulein, I has never got your name.”

Rarity covered her mouth to laugh. “Ohoho! No need to be sorry! Really, how rude of me, I never gave you my name. I am Rarity.”

“Fraulein Rarity-”

Rarity waved a hoof. “Oh, please, just call me-”

Gathaga interrupted her right back, shoving one of her digits against Rarity’s mouth. “Fraulein Rarity, I am know vat you are doink and I am appreciate it, I am. But ze mare of my affection is in clear distress wiz somepony fery important to her und I cannot do anythink about it und I am not sure I vant to.”

“Um, pardon?”

Gathaga put her hand on her face, looking at Rarity between her fingers. “Ze beginnink of our courtship vas fraught wiz subterfuge und deception. I am knowink now vy she held so much back from me but at first I did not vant to keep beink vith her ven she told me ze truth und frankly I am quite pleased to see it bite her in ze flank once more.”

Rarity looked wide eyed and flabbergasted at the gizmonk. “Oh.”

Speaking of what’s going down between the oldest and youngest princess, let’s see how that’s going.

“You’re dating and you didn’t TELL ME!?” Twilight screamed.

Oh.

Author's Note

Gizmonks

I hardly consider anything here mine, even the characters I technically made-up whole cloth. If you see anything in here you really like and wanna reuse for your own writing, go for it, I'd be thrilled.