“Hey, Gryph.”

“Yeah, Sim?”

“Why are we here?”

“That’s a good question, why are we here? I mean, is there really such thing as Destiny? With a fate for us and stuff. Or are we all just cosmic accidents floating adrift in an uncaring universe? I don’t know, but it keeps me up at night.”

“I- what? No, I mean why are we standing here, guarding this conference room?”

“Uh, oh.”

“What was all that stuff about Fate?”

“What? Nothing.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Whatever. Why are we guarding this door?”

“Because we’re guards, that’s what we do. It’s our job.”

“Yeah, guarding a door to a room that’s going to be chalk full of, and I quote, ‘Ageless, Adventurers and Ascended’.”

“And aristocrats.”

“Yeah, somepony was having fun with alliterations.”

“You’re telling me.”

“So, okay, this room is going to be chalk full of po- people, yeah, that’re supposed to be the peers of the princesses, right? I mean, what else are ‘The Ageless’ supposed to be but a bunch of immortal power houses like Princess Celestia and Luna. And then the rest of them sound like they’re pon- people that’re like Princess Twilight and her friends, right?”

“Isn’t she Ageless?”

“Actually, I have some pretty interesting theories about that if you want to hear about it.”

“Not really.”

“Huh. Well, I mean, so you’re gonna have in this room two mares that have to periodically go out and tell ponies not to worship them as gods, and the six mares they call whenever they can’t solve a problem on their own. And a bunch of other people that are just like them.”

“Okay, your point?”

“If something were to attack right then during the meeting, what do we honestly bring to the table?”

“I dunno, kind of makes me feel useless.”

“Face it, Gryphon, we are useless.”

“Yeah, we are. Actually, I find that pretty- oh horse apples, somepony’s coming!”

Both guards stood at attention, turning back into the rigid, lifeless statues everyone knew they were supposed to be, flanking a large lonely door. The sound of a small herd of hoofsteps approached with giggling mare voices, getting closer to the center of this arching sunlit hallway.

Seven mares, two pegasi, two unicorns, two earth ponies and one bonafide alicorn trailing behind with a baby dragon on her back and a scratching quill in her will. This group was pretty recognizable, save one, you couldn’t walk through some of the castle halls without seeing their visages glowing with sunlight.

Rather than continue on as the two might hope, these Equestrian heroes ended up stopping in front of the guards, forming a semicircle of smiling faces. It was the orange one who stepped forward, took off her hat and pressed it to her front.

“Say, fellas, I just wanted to say, we really appreciate all it is the hard work you lot do.”

The blue one, she never seemed to touch the ground. She puffed her chest out. “Yeah, I know it’s tough not being as awesome as meh- oof!” An orange hoof planted itself shallowly in her stomach. “Nngh, good job, guys!”

“Hm.” The white one flipped her mane. “It might seem like you’re unable to accomplish anything when all the problems have been overwhelmingly powerful godlings with a very specific weakness to the powers of friendship, but Equestria has gotten along just fine without us for a thousand years and I think that’s thanks in part to your gents’ tireless hard work.”

“Yeah!” The pink one thrust her hoof in the air. “You guys have to take care of patrols and watching and guarding ponies from everyday things, like robbers and monsters! Without you, all that stuff would ruin everypony’s day, every day!”

The yellow one pawed at the ground, head hung low. “I feel a lot safer knowing that you’re out there, on the job, okay?”

The pastel pinkish-purple pony didn’t seem as sure what to say, so she just grinned nervously and said, “Y-yeah, keep up the good work!”

Private Gryphon and Simulation Trooper stared blankly at the mares, mouths sort of hung open and going, “Uuuuh.”

“Thank you, ladies!” Private Sim broke the pause. “We really appreciate your kind words, even if we have no idea what brought this on.”

Private Gryphon went, “Uuuuuh.”

The orange mare smirked. “Uh huh.” She tilted her head back. “This big hall has got some pretty good acoustics, ya know.”

Simulation Trooper nodded. “Fascinating.”

Finally, Princess Twilight Sparkle trotted up to the pair, specifically to Private Gryphon and held out a scroll in her will.

“Uuuh- oh, uh.” Gryphon looked down at the scroll. “What’s this?”

Princess Twilight Sparkle graced him with a beatific smile. “A list of philosophy texts that you might find pretty interesting, soldier. Some ponies consider them heavy reading, but I think you’ll be able to digest the ideas of d’Hossbach and Panter van Inawagon and others who have pondered these same questions!”

“Uh, thanks?”

“You’re very welcome.” She took a step back and nodded to the rest of her group. “Now, we won’t bother you any longer. Just remember your efforts are appreciated. Let’s go girls!”

As she took off with the herd, the dragon gave them the gesture of appreciation available to his appendages, a pair of thumbs up.

Private Simulation Trooper watched them disappear around the bend before looking back ahead. “Huh.”

Private Gryphon held the scroll up dubiously. “I hope there isn’t going to be a test on this.”

Seven ponies marched through the brightly lit and colored halls. Well, six ponies marched, more meandered casually, and one of them flew above and just a little bit ahead of the rest. She preened under the shower of praise raining down all around her. Not from her friends, but the light shining through all the stained glass around them.

“Aw yeah! I love coming through here!” Rainbow Dash jabbed her hoof at the windows. “All these paintings about how awesome I am!”

Applejack looked up. “Rainbow, you’re not the only one in these.”

“Yeah, I guess you guys came along too.”

“Starlight?” Twilight looked back from the brewing argument (“You’re just saying stuff to tick me off, aren’t ya?”) and towards her student, stopped and held back a way away. “Starlight, are you okay?”

Starlight glanced up and down the colored windows, a frown on her face, a look of apprehension and worry as if she expected to see something she didn’t want to see but still thought it should be there. She turned that look around, smiling at Twilight. “Yeah, of course. I- why don’t you girls go on ahead of me? I’ll just stay here and look at these windows. I kinda want to familiarize myself with all these.”

Rainbow Dash casually did backstrokes with her wings. “Yeah, you wanna get a good look at how awesome I am. Don’t worry, Starlight, that happens to everypony.”

“I’m gonna kill her.” Applejack grit her teeth. “I’m gonna get my rope and strangle her.”

Twilight glanced between her student and her friends. Rarity had already finished rolling her eyes at the two’s antics, walking away, Pinkie giggling behind her and Fluttershy was stopped, looking in apprehension between the two. She looked back at Starlight, who kept smiling in way the reminded her uncomfortably of the townsfolk of her little village.

“Well, if you say so.” Twilight turned back to the rest of the herd, trotting back over to keep Applejack and Rainbow Dash from killing each other. Starlight watched them go and disappear through a large double door.

Starlight’s smile disappeared and she turned back to the windows, her eyes flickering. Her quick canter periodically broke into a gallop as she looked and looked and-

“Looking for your window?”

-and screamed and screamed and- A hoof came down on her back and pushed her onto her belly. A sensation of coolness washed over her and her heart decelerated.

“Calm yourself, Starlight Glimmer.” The hoof pulled back.

Starlight looked up and then just half rose into something like a bow. “Princess Luna!” She said hastily.

“Calm yourself,” Princess Luna repeated, looking down at her with some impatience. “-and rise, Starlight Glimmer. Anypony who has saved my life has no need to bow to me.”

Starlight rose uncertainly to her hooves, giving them a glance. “Uh, mm, okay.” She looked back up. “Thank you, Princess Luna?”

Princess Luna acknowledged that with a nod before she inclined her head down the hall. “I had asked you, are you looking for your window?”

Starlight needed to give her hooves another look over. “Uh, yeah, I was.”

Princess Luna nudged her and brought her attention to a colorless window down a ways. “My sister has planned for one commemorating Discord, Trixie, Thorax- King Thorax, or is he going to call himself a Prince?- and you, for your successful rescue mission, triumph over Queen Chrysalis- queen no more- and, mh. What are we calling it? Redemption of the changelings? Transformation? But yes, all that there.”

“Oh,” was all she said immediately. Still very uncertain, she added, “That’s nice. Thank you?”

“But that’s not what you’re looking for, is it?” Luna turned at her, expressionless, neutral, almost judging. “You’re looking for the window that depicts your defeat.”

Starlight breathed audibly. “Yes.”

“You don’t get one.”

“Oh, I-”

“You don’t deserve one.”

“-uh, what?”

“You’re small time, Glimmer.”

Luna turned bodily and began walking down the hall. After some head snapping hesitation, Starlight scampered off to follow her, feeling quite like a little filly following an older mare.

“Flim Flimflam and Flam Flimflam don’t get a window, as much I’d like to put a stop to those scoundrels. Gilda Godric, Garble Jumbleson, the diamond dogs of Pack Underhoof, Lightning Dust, Trixie Lulamoon.” Luna idly listed off names as she walked without looking at Starlight. “Though I am pleased to have that amulet in our custody again. I do read over my sister’s prized student’s letters, so I’m aware of all the various antagonists they’ve ran into on their adventures or in their day-to-day lives. They were all minor nuisances and they didn’t get windows either.”

Starlight hesitated. “Um, I’m pretty sure I ended the world at least once.”

“Really? It seems fine to me.” Luna made an exaggerated attempt to look around.

Starlight stomped a hoof. “That’s because of time travel!”

“So, then it never really happened then?”

“Well, not unless you believe in multiverse theory.”

Princess Luna stopped at that, looking affronted. She shook her head rapidly and whickered. “This is why I don’t mess around with time travel! You think all you’re dealing with is four-dimensions but then they tell you their might be more hiding in the quantum!” She kept walking, a bit of irritation in her pace.

Starlight began, “Um-”

“You are a mad little filly, who was angry over her hurt feelings, who tried to control a world that would not be controlled as she wanted it to be, who tried to make the world see what only she saw and nearly ended the world messing with powers she didn’t fully understand.” Luna’s tone dripped with just a little bit of acid. “Because your friend abandoned you as a foal, you started a cult and then sabotaged the time line, dooming us all to the consequences of a world without the Element-Bearers.”

Starlight flinched and grit her teeth. “E-excuse me, I only started- founded that town because of Sunburst. I tried to take revenge on Twilight Sparkle with time travel because she took away all of my friends and destroyed what I had spent years building! Who- who are you to-”

Starlight stopped dead as she realized who exactly she was talking to. It was a good thing too, or she would have ran right into Princess Luna. She had stopped too, but not too stare at Starlight in affront, but to gaze sadly at a window. Starlight followed that gaze and looked as well. It was a window that depicted the elder Princesses. It was when Princess Celestia banished her sister to the moon.

Luna spoke softly. “A mad little filly, who was angry over her hurt feelings, who tried to control a world that would not be controlled as she wanted it to be, who tried to make the world see what only she saw and nearly ended the world messing with powers she didn’t fully understand.” She glanced down at the smaller mare and glared. “I do not like you, Starlight Glimmer. I didn’t like you, after I first heard that last report of your misadventure through time, and I’m fairly certain I know why.”

“Oh,” was Starlight’s sterling addition to the conversation.

“And really, your town? Your friends?” Luna gave her a condescending look. “Those were your brainwashed minions, at least then despite whatever they are now.”

Starlight grimaced guiltily. “Might still be a little bit that, now that I think about it.”

“Hm.” Luna looked up at the window again. “That wasteland Twilight said you both found, that was as much my doing as it was yours.”

Starlight scowled and frowned, concentrating. “Wait, no. I remember that too, that wasn’t you.”

Luna tilted her head a bit. “I remember being told there was a timeline where I had won, right?”

“Uh, yeah, Twilight told me about it, but I wasn’t there for that one.”

“Oh, congratulations then, Starlight Glimmer, you nearly ended the world twice then. If you think you’ve beaten me, think again, because I’d like to put forward the Tantabus and perhaps I could make the argument that my return counted as a second incident.”

“Actually, I remember her telling me that everything was fine. I mean, besides Nightmare Moon being in charge and it was ni- IIIIiii-”

Starlight stopped dead as Luna spun about and smashed their faces close together. Both their eyes were wide and Princess Luna was shaking.

“Excuse me,” She said. Then her eyes turned pure white, frost billowed from her form, the ground shook and her voice came as a sonorous echo. “What.”

Meanwhile, the rest of the six, plus a dragon, had been stopped on their own journey by someone. Not somepony, definitely not a pony, their curious looks revealed that. Bipedal, with yellow fur to match his furry yellow man, but with the details around his face left hairless. A sinewy tail writhed behind him briefly before wrapping around his waist.

The monkey man gave a cackle. “I’m sorry, I forgot to introduce myself.” He bowed, quite dramatically, with a flourish of his arms. “I am Sun Wu Kong.”

Author's Note

If you see any ideas in here that you like and you want to reuse or dislike and want to mock, go ahead because I’d be thrilled either way and maybe you’d do a better job of it than I. Tell me about it, I don’t care what way you interpret it, it will stroke my ego.

Private Gryphon and Simulation Trooper are quite clearly based on the Three Stooges, and if you think you’re seeing some other, different, characters in them, then you are clearly wrong. Now go watch Red Vs Blue, it’s funny. At least, I think it still is, it’s been a while.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, Gryphon is named after a gryphon that save his parent’s lives when he was born. The parents wanted to name their son for him, but the gryphon was both impatient and didn’t speak a lick of Equestrian. I bring this up here because, so far, I have no plans to ever bring it up in story.