Changeling Holidays

by CrimsonCowboy

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Changelings, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Science Fiction, Comedy
Length: 9130

Changeling holidays, or, why there was almost always cake being served in the hive.

Twefy fi' Oson is a changeling. Her girlfriend, Tami Owlson, wants to learn more about changeling holidays. Their roommates, Java Stout and Quantum Shift, are typically ok with any excuse to party. So, together, this lot of engineering students explore the fascinating cultural heritage of the changelings and how it has adapted to their cultural integration with Equestria as a whole.

Some An awful lot of swearing, some implied sexual content, flagrant alcohol use, and puns.

A sequel to DERPA - where in the aforementioned carry out research with chaos derived spatial contraction fields. Not necessary to read before hand, nor necessarily helpful. Well, no, it'd probably be helpful. This is about as meandering as that one was. If you like nerds, if you like changelings, if you want an excuse to party - welcome to the hive. There's always cake.

Published 2016-12-22 22:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-02-09 16:31:31 UTC

The Winter Solstice

The Winter Solstice

Solstices. The longest either day or night of the year. During the winter solstice, it is the night. There is a strange magic about on the solstices. A magic that can be tapped into, a magic that can empower spells, if you just tune in.

On this, two nights before the longest night of the year, Twefy fi' Oson is making her plans.

Tami is carrying a microwave oven that has seen better days. She's walking next to Oson, back from the thrift store. They had already purchased more gold dust to mask out a number of runes on it's surface, and some intense cleanser to clean up the microwave before that.

"Sure you wanna do this, Oson? I'm just worried, 'cause really bad stuff happened the last time we did something like this."

Oson nods. "It's the winter solstice! Magic is the strongest this time of year. If we ever want to even try this, it's gotta be tomorrow."

Tami shakes her head. "Fuckin' A... Hey! You didn't answer the question!"

Oson tilts her head with a smug grin. "I think I did."

"Cheeky little bug."

"Your cheeky little bug. You're right, though... we should get some more wire so we can be at a safe distance."

Tami sighs. "We're probably gonna need more safety equipment, aren't we?"

Oson nods. "I think we're gonna need glass goggles, and a plastic one behind it, incase..."

"In case it blows up in our face?"

"Yeah. I know we should be able to pull this off, but I'm still a bit sketchy on how the solstice will interact with this."

Quantum is pulling out some equipment from their basement. "Riot shields, check. Geiger counter, check and double check. Camera, check. One hundred meters of electrical cable? Check."

Java is pulling out various tools. "Multimeter, electric-proof gloves, an assortment of screwdrivers and wire snips..."

Tami comes down the stairs with Oson. "One modified microwave oven, and a micro-chaos generator."

Oson holds up a device "And a remote start for the tea kettle."

Quantum sits by while she's loaded up with the various parts. "Oh, one more thing, when is the solstice at it's peak?"

Java holds up a copy of the daily paper. "We've got about two hours to set this thing up."

Oson nods. "You got the nog, Java?"

Java pulls open his own saddle bags. "Three different kinds of nog."

Oson smiles as they head out the door. "We're ready. We're taking the side streets cause the guard has started checking our normal pathways."

Oson points at a location in the still ruined field. "Let's set up here."

Tami is pulling the items from Quantum's back. She is setting up the microwave and the associated bits. Java is rooting through the wiring of the one of the busted lamps. "Ha, like I thought! They still hadn't shut off power to some of these. We've got enough wattage with these to power the microwave and the tea kettle!"

Oson drags the cable between the hole in the ground they had earlier created in a previous misadventure, and over to Java Stout. "Wire us up, Java! We've got a few minutes till the Solstice reaches the peak!"

Once Quantum was unloaded, she gallops to the safe zone - well, what they assumed was the safe zone. She sets up the riot shields as a sort of safety barrier, and makes a quick gallop around the field to make sure no one at all was in the area.

Oson sits behind the shields and puts on her protective gear. The other's shortly join her. "You guy's ready?"

They nod. She places her hoof over a switch. "Then get set. It's the longest night of the year, and we're here to make a great light."

The switch is depressed. The power connects. From the whirring of the microwave and the hiss of the tea kettle, the experiment is clearly underway. The runes on the microwave oven glow, and the chaos generator interacts with them...

Light is accelerated to super luminal velocities, shrinking them to gamma rays and beyond. A small fusion reaction begins to occur inside of the microwave oven. Then another set of runes trigger. This crushes the microwave at a speed that would on any other night be otherwise impossible.

Tami speaks, but she is not heard. "Fucking. A." The reaction they caused was sufficiently crushed to reach explosive force. Dirt is thrown up with the mushroom cloud that forms. They are all thrown back, the riot shields protecting them from the main blast of dirt, and their glass goggles protecting them from the UV flash.

They lie gasping in the dirt. Quantum speaks first. "Hey, Oson, successful test?"

Oson tries to nod. "Successful test. Ow."

Tami tries to move, and cries out in pain. "Damnit. Java, you ok?"

Java meekly says, "Kinda."

Tami tries to nod herself and cringes. "Can anyone move?"

"No." "No." "No."

Tami says, "Is the geiger counter clicking?"

Java, with a groan, twists his head towards the geiger counter. "It's fine. Or broken. Ow."

Tami tries to nod. "Think we can get up before the guard get's here?"

"No." "No." "No... maybe..." Oson pauses. "I know a mild repair spell, might be able repurpose it, what with the ambient magic..."

Quantum groans. "I'd really appreciate you trying it."

Java continues. "Yeah, I'd like to not get arrested tonight."

Oson focuses her mind on the spell. She sucked at magic and she knew it, but she also knew how magic worked on nights like this. Her horn flashes green. They all groan in pain, but have regained the ability to move.

Quantum rolls over. "Load me up and let's get out of here. Ow."

As she's loaded with the items that were not consumed in the blast, she comments. "Oson, are every solstice like this?"

Oson shakes her head. "No. I think this is a first. Ow."

Tami says, "Best. Damn. Solstice. I've ever seen."

Java breaks out one of the bottles of nog. "High proof nog, anyone?"

"Yes." "Yes." "Yes."

As they take the nog, Java asks, "Hey, Quantum, why did you have riot shields in the basement?"

Oson pauses. "Oh, those were mine. You're going to like sportsball week."

Author's Note

Any suggestions for this year's sportsball week?

Edit: Oh, and what's going on here... OK, in this chapter of DERPA, "I think that might work, lemme try something." Java Stout uses the weird chaos magic they're all researching to turn a microwave oven into a fusion reactor and subsequently contaminate Oson's room with neutron radiation.

Having a tradition of trying interesting things on the solstices, Oson get's the terrible idea to escalate the reaction to dangerous levels.

Sportsball Week

Sportsball week

"Well, this is a weird ass game." Tami frowns.

Oson nods. "Yeah. It's pretty weird. I really liked when battle-chess was the game. But this seems to be the most popular game this year."

"So." Quantum taps the table with the description for the game.

Oson nods. "So. We need someone to grab balls in a bucket. Someone to kick the balls super hard. And someone to shield our bucket from balls."

Tami shakes her head. "It's like dodgeball, but... stupider."

Oson pushes forward a printout. There's a statistical analysis on it. "It's the most popular sport this year. No one saw it coming, but here we are. So, you guys in?"

Quantum Shift nods yes. Tami nods yes. Java chugs a beer. "Um, dudes, I'm probably like the worst possible choice. If it's not a pinball table in front of me, I'm probably gonna fuck it up."

Tami nods. "Well, I guess you can just hold onto the riot shields and help serve the beers."

Java points at her. "Can do."

Oson taps her hoof against her chin and thinks aloud. "We could still form a team. We probably won't make it past the first round, but it'll be fun."

Quantum pushes a sheet of paper forward on the table. "I've weighed our relevant skills. I think this is the best distribution."

Oson looks at the paper. "This is certainly atypical... and you're assuming I'm going to wear those prototypes?"

Quantum smirks back at her. "Ya' scared? I've got another best distribution." She slides another sheet of paper over the table.

Oson shakes her head. "We can try it with the prototypes. But they might ban them after the first round, assuming they work right."

Quantum nods. "Then we switch to the other pattern. It'll be fun."

Java slurps his beer and belches. "I'll get some tea going. We've really should test that stuff out first."

There is a hole in the wall of their house. Java slurps his beer. "Well. Guess it works."

Tami shakes her head. "We have got the most fucking tolerant landlord, but I'm pretty sure she's gonna get pissed off one of these days."

Oson also shakes her head. "I don't think we can go with this plan, Quantum."

Quantum already has a screwdriver and is adjusting the device on Oson's back. "We just need to dial it down a little."

Java peaks his head out of the hole in the wall. "Good thing we tested it on that angle, we only nicked some trees. Hey, we could install one of those neato circular windows right here!"

Oson quivers in fear. "Quanti, I really don't like this plan."

Quantum is juggling a ball between her hooves. "Nonsense. We can make this work. Catch!"

She tosses the ball. Oson reflexively reaches up to shield her face from the impact, causing her hooves to impact the ball. A combined chaos and harmony flux mix in front of the ball, causing it to shoot off - but at slightly less ridiculous velocities. Quantum leaps up and punches it out of the air. Tami leaps up and catches the ball in a bucket.

Java throws up his hooves, spilling his beer about the room. "You got this! You got this!"

Oson looks at her hooves and the devices attached to them. "I guess... I guess we do!"

Sportsball week was a bit more compressed, now that changelings were spread across all of Equestria. It used to be that anyone not on an infiltration mission would be on a team back at the hive. Now, it's become more of a ameatuer sports enthusiast week for wherever they were. The most statistically popular sport was chosen, teams were made up from friends and family - including other species at this point - and over the course of a week would be eliminated across a singles elimination style of game play. Beer and candyfloss were typically available, and they would get consumed in progressively larger quantities as the week went on and more teams were removed from play.

This was also a test of the riot guard, to see how well they could deal with drunk disorder in the hive. Java Stout was sticking around with those lot with what remained of Oson's riot shields, as that was also where the kegs were. He was wearing a particularly garish costume - a mix of their university colors, rainbow pompoms, and replica changeling chitin plates. He was happy to be their team mascot.

There were a few other team mascots for this, the first round of trials. Most were a lot more detailed than Java's costume - one of them was nearly a full on dragon costume that shot lasers out of it's mouth - but that didn't matter so much. They were all having a good chuckle. And a few beers. The one in the dragon costume had a straw sticking through it's nose holes when it was taking a drink, as it's mouth part were filled with laser diodes. Java personally bought them a few drinks because he was just so impressed.

Their team actually did surprisingly well. Twefy 'fi Oson would shield her face or punch forward, ricocheting the ball something awful as it interacted with the devices on her forehooves. Quantum Shift would leap up and deliver amazing kicks and punches to the balls coming by. Her athletic stamina was amazing. And Tami Owlson, with her superior vision and aptitude for physics was able to successfully catch all of the balls in the basket she held.

They had made it to the third day before they were defeated by the Cheer Squad. They gave them a really nice send off, using their special form. The three of them joined Java and the rest of the mascots. This continued for the last two days, till the metaphorical damn broke.

It was a rare event that sportsball week ever reached a conclusion. The changelings cheer squad, a group of metallurgist changelings, a couple of ponies, and a surprise group of diamond dogs calling themselves "Fetch", had all reached the finals when the riot started.

Quantum and Tami were showing delightful skill with their riot shields, bashing forwards with devastating pushes. Oson and Java were serving as backup, keeping the crowd away from their backsides.

It was, in short, an excellent sportsball week.

Author's Note

Changeling Cheer Squad was mentioned in a DERPA chapter - Much Ado About Something. I will return to this, because I asked a coworker what the most ridiculous sport he knew was when I was halfway done with this, and holy crap, did he deliver.

Boxing Day

Boxing Day

Hearthswarming has passed. It was pretty nice - they spent some time in the hospital, they spent some time with each of their parents, they all ate far too much. It was so full of happiness and joy that Oson couldn't stand it. Very literally. She had to be carried by Tami home after the visit to Donut Joe's shop.

Oson quietly chirps in high speak, then says in low speak so Tami could hear. "I'm so full Tami. I need to get ready for tomorrow right now or I'm probably going to puke love. And that's pretty gross when that happens."

Tami shakes her head. "Dear gods, I know. Damn, that was a startling night..." She keeps shaking her head, remembering one of their first few nights together. "At least it evaporates pretty readily. OK, let's make some stuff for boxing day."

They only set a simple curry to cook with Java's help. It was set at a low heat, and could simmer over night while they rested. Oson touched her horn to it and filled it with her excess love. "Oh sweet hives, that's so much better." She belches.

Tami asks, "It won't boil off, will it?"

Oson nods. "A small amount will, but when it's properly infused it doesn't evaporate that quickly." She belches again. "Oh bloody hells, there's too much love about this holiday. I don't think I can handle hearts and hooves day. It used to be a working holiday, but we're so well fed these days. I'm just going to make some cards."

Tami gives her a quick peck on the head. Oson vomits some kind of orangish-purple fluid that readily starts to evaporate. The feeling of happiness and joy rapidly fills the kitchen. She pauses to catch her breath, before pressing her horn against the curry pot. More love is dumped into it. "Dear sweet hives, Tami. This holiday is too much. Boxing day used to be a gesture of kindness, of respect..."

She belches again. "It feels like I'm cheapening it by using it to avoid distressing my innards."

Tami points at the pot. "Dump some more love into that right now."

Oson complies, and then is picked up in a hug from Tami. "This holiday has been cheapened years ago. You know how commercialized it got. What you little 'lings have done has been a right fucking treat to all sorts of folks who haven't had a proper gift in years. It's literally full of love."

Oson nods. "Let's go to bed, Tami. We can cook the rice up in the morning."

Tami nods. She puts a lid on the pot of curry, and they head up stairs.

The two wake up slightly early. They snuggle for a moment before heading downstairs. Java is on the couch, the GameStation left on playing the password screen song for Rocket Battles. The GameStation is slightly aware of the day, so it's playing a holiday themed jingle. The little rocket ponies on the password screen have little jingle bells on their heads. The smell of heavily fortified nog would fill the room, if the smell of curry from the kitchen didn't over power it.

Tami pokes Java. He awakes with a start. "Oh, shit! I left the GameStation on again, didn't I?"

Oson nods. "It's ok. Want to help make our boxing day gifts?"

Java nods. "I just need about forty five minutes to wake up. I'll get the coffee up and running and do the light work while my mind boots up."

Oson and Tami nods. "It's ok. We've got all day to do this."

Java Stout works on making some delicious grade caffeination. Tami complains, and he makes her a quintuple espresso shot drink in addition to her delicious coffee drink. She smiles after drinking it in one go. They commence with the cooking of the rice.

It proceeds rather quickly. The curry that has been simmering overnight is now at a dangerously delicious level of cooking. Oson scans it. It's still full of about ninety five percent of the love she had inserted into it the other night.

Quantum gets up and enjoys a cup of tea that Java had set out earlier. As it was expected she would be up a bit late, she was pleased her tea was brewed, the bag removed, a splash of lemon poured in, and ice cubes added. "This is a damn fine cup of tea."

Java nods. "Thank's, man! I try, ya' know?"

The rice is going well. A few fresh tomatoes and other assorted veggies are being cut. Quantum assembles the boxes. They are filled with curry, veggies, and rice.

Oson and Tami proceed to wrap them with ribbons. Specialized saddle bags are prepared with the items, along with styrofoam cups and a few liter bottles of hot cocoa.

Oson looks at Tami. "Ya ready?"

Tami nods yes. Quantum and Java look at Oson, each other, and Tami. "Hey, you want some company?" Quantum asks.

Oson nods yes. "I just want to know... Can you sing?"

Quantum shakes her head no. Java nods his head yes.

Oson smiles. "It doesn't matter. Here, I have a few lyric sheets in a file folder up in my room!"

She returns from her room with the folder. "I even got these song sheets from the dimensporter, and it's pretty close to our language! I think it was X-12.0 and Y+25.1."

Tami smiles. "I'm so glad you're keeping up with the dimensporter tests. It's so cool we get amazing data from some of those alternative dimensions." She looks over the lyrics. "What the hell is christmas?"

Oson shrugs. "No clue, but the lyrics are catchy. Hey, do ponies think it's awkward to do carols after Hearthswarming?"

Tami shakes her head. "Well, we up in those the northern area's are pretty cool with it. We came up with boxing day after all."

Oson nods. "And we changelings stole it, repurposed it, and now we're going to do it."

Packages full of rice, curry, vegetables, and love are being distributed across the city of Canterlot. They take turns singing. Java was overconfident in his voice. Quantum was under confident in her voice. Tami was pretty ok. Oson kept warbling between high and low speak, so she sounded a bit like one of those dubstep songs. It was slightly disorienting.

Some of the packages are left on the doorsteps of their favorite professors and some of the others they knew from various classes. There's a bit of an awkward moment with the Changeling Cheer Squad, who are practicing out on their lawn. Their in the odd chimeric form they use at games. They speak, five as one, "Yesterday was so intense, we need to burn some love up. We're probably gonna have to pop this into the freezer. But we really thank you for this!"

They demonstrate the new martial arts forms they have been learning since the first time they had met Oson, and the time they had faced them in buckball combat. It was amazing but they did nick Quantum with one of the Shimmering Sword maneuvers. She yipped. They apologized. And present a box of their own. It had pickled vegetables artfully arranged on a bed of rice in it. Oson smiled and thanked them kindly for it.

The hippies Tami had thrown each got their own boxes, with many an assurance that the product was organic. It wasn't, of course. But the less they knew the better. One of them tried to offer Tami an organic quartz crystal, which she accepted with a forced smile and a hug. They apparently also subscribed to the philosophy that the less you knew, the better. Tami was intending to sign them up for a subscription to a science magazine.

Then there were the deliveries to the five jocks Oson had set on fire...

The first jock is pretty happy to see them. "Hey, that smells amazing! I really didn't want to cook today, so this is great!"

The second jock just nods in understanding. "This is the second one I've got today. And wow. This smells great."

The third jock frowns. "There isn't any gluten in this, is there? I'm kinda allergic to gluten. Like, I burst out in a rash if ya' would throw flour on me. Really sucks, mate. No? Delightful! Thank you."

The fourth jock is a bit paranoid at first. "Oh, Tatarun chimes! It's you! Ah, that's not gonna blow up, will it? No? Well, it smells nice."

Finally, the fifth jock opens his door. There is the sound of a party from inside. He looks at the package, and at Oson, and her crew. He gives a small smile. "Hey. Like, my whole family is here. I know you're trying to apologize. I read about what you did at that block party. You seem a lot nicer than when you were just that bitch that set me on fire. You want to come in, for like leftovers and shit? All y'all can come in. We got a ton of food. Seriously, my aunts are kinda crazy for the holidays."

He yells inside. "Hey, Aunt Up, Aunt Down, Aunt Strange, Aunt Charm, Aunt Top, and Aunt Bottom! We got some guests."

They hadron to consider what to do - then they lepton the opportunity.

They had a lot of fun at the party. It turns out they didn't hold much of any grudge against Oson. Seeing the cheer squad afterwards cheering them on after that accident, the jocks had all had a change of heart. And the Quarky Aunts absolutely loved Oson and the strange tradition of distributing love infused boxes of food.

In exchange for some of the curry boxes, they helped make additional boxes of a variety of flavors. Oson, feeling full of love again, poured what she could into the packages. They left on good terms.

They made a note of dropping off a few boxes at the Guard. Java had a brief chat with some of them. "Hey Lock! Hey Key! Remember me?"

Key looks up from his paperwork. "Hey! Java! Staying out of trouble?"

Lock looks up from her paperwork. "You wouldn't have had anything to do with that explosion a few days ago, would you?"

Java rubs a hoof behind his head and nervously chuckles. "Nah, of course not. Hey! We brought you some food! Kinda as thanks for taking care of me all those times. And Tami, too, I guess. Especially after that incident with the..."

Tami nods. "Quezocoatals. Yeah, really glad you didn't throw me into the streets that day."

The local captain of the guard pops into the room. "Lock! Key! Are you goofing off? Wait... Java! What are you doing here?"

Oson hands her a box of food. "We're saying thanks to everyone we can think of today. And apologizing when it applies. We, um, really appreciate all of your work. And not arresting us very often."

The captain tilts her head. "This isn't a bribe, is it?"

Oson tilts her head and tries to look cute. "Maybe? We also have some for some of the inmates. We're basically trying to keep the good cheer flowing as long as we can. Oh! Do you have any changelings in here right now? Please give them two - these are all made with love, and they probably really need it right now!"

The captain smiles. "You're a good bug, kiddo. I normally wouldn't do this, but you lot have been in here often enough," she gazes at Java in particular, "but have for the most part have never showed any desire to harm anyone." She looks at Tami, who looks away. "For the most part."

Lock picks up a stack of the boxes. "I'll run a detection spell on these. Just for the records, you know?"

Key has already started eating his box of food. "Oh. Crud. Should I have waited?"

The captain slaps her hoof into her head. "I swear I'm going to throw you out one of these days, Key."

The last delivery they had to make was an awful lot more awkward. Tami, Java, and Quantum stood at the end of the pathway to their front door.

Oson knocks on the door. A gaudily dressed unicorn female answers it. "Yo... you!"

Oson shakes her hooves in front of her. "It was a trick! It was a way to use up all the extra ball bearings we had! I didn't really explode a pony! I'm sorry." She bows her head. "I don't want people to be scared of us... And I don't want you to be scared of me. I want... I want to share a gift!"

She pulls a pair of boxes out of her saddlebags. "I made you a lunch?" She tilts her head and smiles.

The unicorn frowns. "How did you find our place?"

Oson states, calmly, "The guard's report. I figured out where you were. From the report. Did I mention I was really sorry for pranking you?"

The unicorn stares at Oson. She looks at the other three in the background, and then back at Oson. "You're not going to attack us, are you?"

Oson bends forwards, her neck clearly exposed to the unicorn. She holds it there for a moment. "I just want to apologize for scaring you."

The unicorn frowns, then... she smiles. "Come inside. I don't know if your meal will work with this but I'm willing to try."

Oson raises her head. "Can my friends come too?"

The unicorn laughs. "Have you got enough food for them all?"

Oson nods, pointing out her saddle bags were packed from the Quarky Aunts.

The unicorn tilts her head the other way. "You're serious, aren't you?"

Java nods, and then so do everyone else. "We really want to make this a special boxing day for you!"

She tilts her head back the other way. "Why?"

Oson and her girlfriend Tami bow their heads. "I want you to know we didn't mean to hurt you! Please! We don't want you to hate me... uh... hate us!"

"You've got a chance. I don't like you, I will be honest, but it's the day after Hearthswarming. I'm willing to see what you've got. Let's have lunch."

Oson smiles. "You know, that worked out pretty well. She had some good points, and so did we, and the food we got blended really well with what we made."

Tami nods. "Yeah, geopolitics isn't normally a conversation starter, but we made it work."

Java nods. "I'm so glad they trusted us. We really kinda freaked her out with the ball-bearing explosion pinata thing. I'm glad she like the meal I prepared."

Quantum nods. "Solid work there Java. Hot damn. It's only noon, any other boxes to drop off?"

Oson looks at all the boxes she still has. "Oh! We forgot the workers at Screwdrivers!"

The quartet heads off to their favorite hardware store to drop off a few boxes and perhaps have a few pints, as was traditional.

The rest of the boxes were distributed surreptitiously to their neighbors, as was traditional. Quantum is carrying back some parts they picked up for an experiment they came up with chatting with Clyde. Tami looks up to Oson, who is riding on her back. "Is there anything else to Boxing Day? Cause that was fun."

Oson looks up and thinks. "Well, we distributed the boxes of food. We apologized to a lot of people, and thanked others for helping us when we needed it. We successfully dodged admitting to the solstice explosion. And we had that boxing match yesterday, so that's checked off as well. I think we've got this holiday locked down."

As they enter the house, Java pulls something from the fridge. "One more box, I'm afraid. Who wants wine?"

Oson chuckles. "Boxed wine. That's clever." They share a cup of chilled cheer.

Author's Note

Boxing Day - The day after Hearthswarming. The night before, boxed lunches are prepared, infused with love. All non-critical jobs just take the day off. Ponies have on occasion noticed small boxed lunches placed on their doorsteps in the morning, if there is an infiltrator who is feeling particularly nostalgic for the holiday in the area.
---From "A History of the Changelings"

Much of the background cast of DERPA is here. I wanted them all to have a happy holiday.

Enjoy Your Holidays! Pick up a few extra ones while you're at it - there are a lot of excuses to party this time of year.

Vaccination Day

Vaccination Day

Changelings, for the most part, merely steal and repurpose holidays of other species. Name Days are unique to their species, as ae a few other holidays. Most of the common celebrations, though, are either entirely copied or copied with slight modifications. Vaccination Day is not one of those.

Most of the data in the changeling archive is stolen from other cultures. There is, however, one area of research they have excelled in by themselves - biology. With a focus on medical science.

When there was the outset of a plague, a black death threatening Equestria, it was a disguised changeling that introduced antibiotics to the common knowledge.

When a fungal rot was making crops toxic, two competing changelings offered two different solutions - one, a direct fungicide, and the other, an insect breeding program that would produce more predators for the species that spread the fungus. Then there was a third changeling, that found that it could be processed with yet another fungus to make a safe and delicious brew.

Biology has been the one area changelings actively contributed to. Medical researchers revealed to be changelings throughout history are either on the forefront of research or of saving lives. A comment from Queen Chrysalis explains this, "We are a predatory species. It would not do well for us to get sick. It would not do well for you to get sick. Certainly, there is love doted upon on you when you are unwell. Inefficiently. You could be outside making love, not using it up. Get your flu shots, damn it."

So it was revealed the origin of the Equestrian holiday of Vaccination Day.

Oson closes her copy of 'A Modern History of the Changelings'. She and her friends were seated in the lobby of the hospital, along with dozens of others. Changelings dominate the population, but all of them seem to have dragged along a friend or two. More were constantly entering.

She states, "So, that's the point of this holiday. We don't want to get sick, and we don't want you to get sick. So, we made it a point to integrate it into all the infiltrated cultures, that you need to stay healthy."

Quantum rubs her right hoof. "I don't know if half the stuff we do qualifies as healthy. I don't think this bone I broke is ever going to be as strong as it was."

Oson nods. "That's why it's taking so long for us to get serviced. I scheduled a full checkup for all of us. Oh! Here are copies of your medical files." She hands file folders full of medical notes to Quantum, Java, and Tami.

Tami screws up her beak. "W...Why the fuck do you have these, Oson?"

Oson is looking over her own folder. "I do all the paperwork for the house. Whenever something comes in and someone" - she shoots a stern look at Java - "doesn't grab the mail first, I make notes. Your health is important to me!"

Quantum is nodding as she looks over her sheet. "Yup, this all makes sense. I don't mind too much, just as long as you keep these in your locked filing cabinet. Dang, this is interesting... Aw, damnit, I haven't had a tetanus booster since high school?! I need one of those with half the shit we do..."

Java is looking over his sheet. "Hmm. Elevated liver enzymes... Reduced platelet levels... Up to date on all my shots, though. Huh. Wonder what today's gonna bring."

Quantum looks at him. "Why are you good on your shots? It'd better not be a pun about drinking."

Java shrugs. "I worked at Dad's cafe for summers for, like, ever. You don't ever, ever, ever want to make a patron sick. So I kept up on that stuff, ya' know?"

Tami, meanwhile, is frowning. "Oson. You don't have me down for having any of my shots. I know I've gotten a fuckton of shots when I was a kid."

Oson reaches over and flips to the last page. "I've got all the avian shots listed here. But you need a few more if you want to be safe around equines. Some of the diseases that aren't that harmful to you could seriously harm a pony. Or vice versa... Or... um... me..."

Tami sighs. "OK. But... This is like a half dozen shots. My arm will be sore for a week."

Oson points out the 'B's next to some of the entries. "You need to come in for boosters for these ones in a few weeks."

"Fucking joy..."

Java smirks as his name is called. "At least we're not gonna get the flu this year! Thanks for organizing this, Oson!" She shoots him a smile as he walks into the offices.

The three converse idly as they await their own turns. Tami makes mention of certain diseases on the vaccination list, and is horrified by the descriptions that Oson, and on occasion Quantum, offer. "How the fuck did they even let me into this country without those vaccines?!"

Oson shrugs. "I think it was part of the treaty. I remember that back in the hive, we went over the history of vaccines. It was really easy to introduce them to the ponies, and the diamond dogs. The minotaurs were a bit stubborn, but after we solved cowpox they were adamant supporters. Griffons were, like, the only real hassle we had. Solving avian flu really helped, but it was difficult to get them on board with other immunizations."

Tami thinks back to her childhood. She gives a firm nod. "Yeah, we were stubborn assholes. Kinda still are, I guess."

"So, anyway, it was part of a few of the treaties that only life threatening diseases be vaccinated against for emigrating griffons."

Tami cocks her head. "Only life threatening? In what direction?"

"Both."

"Fuck."

"Yeah. That's kinda why the Gryphon Kingdom is known for being a bit less healthy than any other area. It's been improving lately - the hive sent a lot - like, most of - doctors to them. Changelings Without Borders has been doing a lot to help them."

Tami places her arms behind her head and sighs. "I never thought I was sheltered, but fuck me, this is so stupid. We've got these awful diseases, and we can solve them, and we don't... I'm starting to wonder if it wasn't just the failure of our space program that drove us into economic collapse..."

Oson nuzzles into Tami's side. "We can review some medical and economics reports afterwards, if you'd like."

Tami chuckles and moves to hug Oson. "Yeah, sure, why not. It'd be good practice to see research I don't normally do."

Their names are called together - they've made a note they wanted to be together for the examination and vaccination, and it had been previously approved.

They return to the lobby. Quantum is purchasing a generic antihistamine and a large bottle of aspirin from the pharmacist. She's wearing a new metal bracelet to help support her wounded hoof.

Java, meanwhile, is smirking. This gives the others pause. Tami scowls at him while rubbing her arm. "What did you do?"

He giggles. "They sell... They sell needles here! And I've got things I wanted to add some flavor to, but all the needles the grocery store sell are way too big! These ones are tiny! They're so small! It'll barely make a hole!"

Oson slaps her hoof against her head. "They sell those to people to reduce the spread of infectious diseases delivered by intravenous drugs. More needles, fewer shared needles, reduced spread."

Java smirks. "I intend to make a great spread with these. Let's hit up the market before we get home! We're so going to 'vaccinate' something delicious tonight! I wonder what a tomato to potato transplantation would be like..."

Quantum walks up to them, a small bag of the aforementioned drugs in her mouth, which she is placing into her saddle bags. "What's he mumbling about?"

Tami replies, "He's going to use some medical grade needles to inject flavor into, from what I can tell so far, a potato."

Quantum's eyebrows raise. "Huh! That sounds interesting."

Oson chuckles. "And you thought changelings were weird for repurposing ideas."

Author's Note

Health Day is a holiday in some places. And you should really get your vaccines.

Your health is important to me! Because if you're unhealthy, you stand a chance of making me unhealthy. And that's just rude.

Oson's Day

Author's Note

Context if you didn't read DERPA:

Setting: Canterlot
Politics: Changelings have a recent peace treaty.
Alternative Universe: Kinda, I just really loved the black carapaced little bug ponies oh my god they are so cute! Also, a whole lot of rampant nerdery going on.
Main characters:
Twefy fi' Oson: Changeling, fem. Electrical Eng.
Tami Owlson: Gryphon, fem. Mechanical/Electrical Eng.
Quantum Shift: Earth Pony, fem. Mechanical Eng.
Java Stout: Unicorn Pony, mel. Chemical Eng.

Oson's Day

Changelings. They live amongst us. They feed upon us. And like us, they have holidays. There is a reason there was a fairly sweet smell ever present in the old hives. Everyday, for some reason or another, there was a reason to serve cake.

Oson's Day

An alarm clock beeps. A green bubble of telekinesis yanks it out of the wall and throws it at the other. A gryphoness stirs next to the changeling in the bed. "Ugh..... What the fuck, Oson, why'd you set it so early..."

She immediately perks up. She throws the sheets off the bed, and picks up Oson, twirling her about. "Oh my gods, it's Oson's Day! It's Oson's Day!" She plants numerous kisses on the barely conscious changeling's head.

Oson shakes her head from inside the gryphonesses grasp. "Tami, I know.... That's why we made the cupcakes yesterday..."

Tami is bouncing, Oson still in her clutches. "I'm gonna see a changeling name day! Oh my gods, I'm so fucking stoked for this!"

Oson is still trying to wake up. "These happen every hundred days, Tami, they're special, but they happen three or four times a year.... They're not that special..."

"Oh, hush you. It's really special, ok? I'm going to meet all the other Oson's and oh my gods, if they're all half as cute as you are?!" Tami squeezes Oson while making a distinctly girlish squee she would later distance herself from.

Oson smiles before looking up at her girlfriend. "It's not all the Oson's, only the ones near Canterlot. But we'll be making a conference call to a lot of the others.

"Plus we can expect a few other non-Oson's who don't have enough folks nearby to celebrate with on their own day. It's just a name-day, you know?"

Tami squishes her face into Oson's and nuzzles her. "Don't care. My first time seeing one, and I'm your's to show off. Oh, for fuck's sake Oson, take some pride in this!~" Tami picks Oson up, twirls around with her, throws her into the air, and catches Oson on her back. "This is going to be so cool. Name day, cupcakes, and me. Oh my gods, Oson. I'm so super stoked for this shit."

Oson nibbles affectionately around Tami's left ear, causing Tami to giggle. Oson speaks quietly, "We can expect them to come by in a about an hour. My saddlebags already have the notes I wanted to share inside them."

Tami runs out of Oson's room, while Oson pulls their saddlebags along with her magic.

They stop in the kitchen for a quick snack of Toaster Strudel things and for some high grade caffeination - ie, a jar of instant coffee with water poured into it. Tami takes most of it, but Oson takes a cringeful sip. She prefers her coffee beverages to be relatively weak and very sweet, so she doesn't enjoy Tami's creations.

They head back upstairs to brush their teeth, have a not very brief but sufficently quiet shower together, and then prepare to head out. They nearly forget the cupcakes, but grab them and a bunch of napkins on their path.

It was Oson's Day - the second day in the changeling Name-Day paradigm, after Naught's Day - which was typically held at night. There would be the ever so common questions about how the numbering system started or ended which all to often came to naught.

Oson takes a peak outside of their living room's curtains, and notices something is amiss immediately. She immediately flies to her filing cabinet inside her room before returning. "Tami, we've got a party related emergency. We haven't even started yet, and there are already fifty people outside." She presses a pink file folder into her girlfriend's talons.

Tami looks at the folder, then at Oson. "Contingency plan?"

Oson nods. "Contingency plan. We can make this work. But I need you to get Java up and brewing, and if Quantum can shift those items from Screwdrivers to our front yard, we should be solid. I need to get a feel for what the folks below are doing, and I need you so very muchly to deliver those notes with explanation to our neighbors and the guard."

Oson quickly pecks Tami on the cheek, and rushes outdoors, speaking in the ultrasonic language unique to changelings of "Highspeak". Oson is trying to gauge the party goer's emotions. Every minute seems to bring another one.

Tami pounds on Java's door. He stumbles, drunkenly out of the door. "Hey Tami, what's up?"

Tami shoves a note from the folder into Java's view. His eyes, hidden behind his bangs, never the less scan the document. He raises his head. "This, um, this legit? We're at this level of participation?"

Tami gestures at the window. Java looks out of it at the growing crowd. "Aw, crud. OK! Man, I always wanted a real cooking challenge! This is going to be FUN!"

Quantum Shift, hearing an excited Java Stout, is notably worried, as many of the times Java has been excited have resulted in property damage or physical harm. She pokes her head out of her room. "What is it this time?"

Tami shows Quantum the document Oson had left her. Quantum looks it over, then looks out their window. "Why didn't I hear them? There are like, dozen's of 'em already."

Tami smiles. "Highspeak. Between changelings, they communicate in ultrasound. It's what makes up the hive-mind mythos - they can just share data wicked fast and undetectable to us."

Quantum is rubbing her eyes. "You know this how?"

Tami lightly boops her on the snout. "Why is it only me you hear yelling when...."

Quantum raises her hoof to silence the smirking griffoness. "OK! OK! That's quite enough, just what do you want me to do?"

"This is a list of items we need from Screwdrivers. We can probably count on Java for the cooking bits, but we need some seating, some tables, and a keg or two." Tami shakes the folder, and notices it's jingling. "Woah, she left some bits in here."

Quantum accepts the folder. "OK, and what are you going to be doing?"

Tami smiles, and points at a single item in the file folder. "Winging it over to the guard with intent to announce an impromptu block party, sending messages to relevant parties, and then winging it back here to invite all the neighbors so they don't feel left out. Should only take an hour."

Quantum holds her head. "Try to get something cater-y while you're out there. Java's amazing, but I know he won't be able to make enough to feed all these..."

A yell is heard from the kitchen downstairs. "HA HA! All of the rice! I'm picking up where I PILAFFED!" The hiss of rice meeting hot oil is heard, followed by sounds of stirring, crackling, and cackling..

She shakes her head. "Though he is damn well trying."

The party was an unanticipated success. When Quantum showed up with the four-by-fours on her back and two kegs mounted to her side, cries of joy went up. Benches were set up with the planks. One of the tables was moved outside to hold the items Java was cooking and a few speakers to supply sound. Java was looking progressively happier, drunker, and more filthy as the night progressed. Last, and not least, a number of other residents of their street took up the option to join the festivities, bringing over some drinks and chips.

It was a perfect evening - and then a final guest arrived as Java was bringing out a fresh batch of pretzels. A stocky pony with a small cart of donuts and airpots full of coffee entered the yard. It was none other than Donut Joe. Java tilts his head. "Dad? Why are you here?"

Donut Joe gestured at Tami. "Heh heh heh, this one right here said ya' guys were having a party. I know yer mum doesn't really go in for parties, so she's mindin' the shop. Figured I'd deliver these by hoof. Come'r, kiddo!"

They hug, the familial love positively rippling off them to the benefit of all the changelings gathered. They break the embrace, and make short work of distributing the confections. They settle back with a beer and one of the pretzels. "I see y'er cooking's just as good as always, kiddo. You should come by the shop, say hi to y'er mum, maybe even give us a few pointers!"

"Yeah, I'd like that. I haven't been there much since last summer." Java takes a long slurp of beer. "I don't think I'll need to work there next summer, though. We got a really big grant for all this research we're doing. I mean, if it'd help you guys out, yeah, I'd be glad to."

Joe slaps Java's back and chuckles. "Nah, don't worry 'bout that. The new kid is workin' juuust fine. I'm glad you're enjoying what y'er doing so much - we just want ya' ta be happy. Yer mum's still a bit concerned with, well, your drinkin'. Ya probably should do somethin' 'bout that, ya' know?" Joe tilts his head, a small sad smile gracing his face.

Java looks down. "You're probably right, dad. Maybe I should finally build that breathalyzer, keep track of this stuff... At least I haven't been arrested recently. Oh! That reminds me. Did you know I graduated?"

Joe nods. "We got yer' diplomas on the wall, next to the health department certificates."

Java's expression grows to one of extreme concern. "Wa... why didn't you tell me?"

Joe throws his head back and laughs. "Me an' your mum, we had a bet on how long it would take you to notice! It's an even numbered year, so I guess she won!"

Java breaks into laughter at that. The two continue to catch up on each other's lives, as the party continues.

Oson is introducing a few changelings to Tami. "Tami, this is Twefy fo' Oson, Twefo o' Oson, and Ehtyn ni' Oson. Osons, this is my girlfriend, Tami Owlson. Twefy fo' Oson is an art student, Twefo o' Oson works in the library, and Ehtyn ni' Oson has been a lecturer in electrical engineering since before the Wedding Invasion. You might know her from that that microcontrollers course we took."

Tami offers her talons to the changelings with a worried smile. They notice this and start to react, before Tami in turn notices their actions and waves her talons. "No, no, I'm not offended by changelings." She points at her Oson. "I'm dating that one, after all. I just... I didn't realize what it meant, that you were all named Oson. I'm... gonna get confused really fast."

Twefy fi' Oson slaps her forehead with a hoof. "Tami, it's a name day. That we all have the same last name is kinda the point."

Tami awkwardly smirks. "It didn't occur to me? I was just so excited, alright?"

Ehtyn nods. "It's a common enough problem." She reaches into her saddlebags and pulls out a rather large number of rolls of colorful electrical tape. She says something in highspeak, and the other three changelings nod. Twefy fi' Oson says to Tami, "Ehtyn's been around a fair bit, and she has a solution that is both attractive and really clever."

Ehtyn begins placing small strips of colored tape on the three other changelings, and then her self. Tami immediately recognizes what the color coding means. "Red Green Green Black Brown. Two Five Five Zero One. Twify 'fi Oson." She picks up her Oson and hugs her. "I fucking love you nerd-lings so much."

Oson nuzzles Tami back. "Resistance is useful."

Ehtyn takes her leave to distribute tape to the other changelings who don't have some kind of distinctive clothes and who are interested in being a bit more memorable to the assorted species present.

Quantum Shift, meanwhile, has made another run to Screwdrivers, to retrieve parts for an idea a Twefo nin' Oson suggested. He elected to join her and help carry back some of the lighter items, while she carried the heavy wood. And the paint. And the metal rods. And the brackets. And another two half kegs.

Quantum was rather large for a female earth pony. And she exercised regularly. She was not of the sort, though, to really enjoy large parties. Meeting Twefo was a nice break, and the idea he had was both extremely generous and would get her away from the party proper for a few minutes.

Once they returned, she called out, "Hey, any of you guys work in construction?" A few changelings and a pegasus flew over to her. "I need these cut on those lines, sanded, sealed, and painted, and then bolted to those parts."

A changeling nods. "Clever. I think we can probable get one of the artsy-fartsy folks to do that trick - that paint drying spell, I'd bet some of 'em know it."

Quantum smiles. "Let's do this."

In the span of half of an hour, it is complete. A pair of see-saws, strong enough to even hold up Quantum. The little ones from around the block present at the party rush towards it. Twefo helps sorting them onto it, making sure that everyone gets a fair turn.

Quantum idly muses to herself. "I wonder what would happen if we applied a spatial contraction field to that... I'll just make a note of that, I really don't think we should warp space around a play thing. Maybe a smaller test... Or just after all the kids are gone..."

She pours herself a beer, and fails to mingle. She pours herself another beer, and continues to fail to mingle. She begins to assemble a small structure with the clean cups. An idea hits her. And then she frowns. She shouts, "Hey, anyone still sober here?"

A few changelings and a diamond dog raise their hooves and paws. "I've got an idea, but there are breathalyzers on the power tools at Screwdrivers. I think I'm a bit too drunk to get them to work, and I could use your help."

One of the changelings nod, as does the diamond dog, and they make another journey to Screwdrivers. Heavy metal conduit and large bolts are purchased. Time is rented on the anvil and the drill press. Once everything is prepared, they load up Quantum and return to the party. Quantum and her two helpers make short work of assembling...

A large metal dome frame. Twefo heaves a sigh of relief as the lines for the see-saw's vanish to play on the dome.

Quantum smirks. She pours herself a beer, and fails to mingle. She gets an idea.

As the last party attendee leaves, Tami surveys the damages. There are bits of trash strewn about the yard. There are stains on the speaker system that will probably come out with a bit of elbow grease. There is a Java Stout, picking up debris and only occasionally sipping from a cup. There is an entire park's worth of playground equipment strewn about the yard and street, with tags on them indicating who either purchased them or won a raffle. There is a Quantum Shift, rebandaging her hoof, injured when she attempted something with the seesaw. There is a beautiful changeling quietly snoozing on her back, drunk on beer and the good cheer that this one party had brought to the entire block.

"Happy Oson's Day."