Chapter 32: The Return of Cerberus

Eloth drifted through the hallway of Scootaloo’s ship. He was not thinking about anything in particular, largely because he did not have the capacity to think. The Reapers were not sentient, and he was no different. His existence was simply reaction to stimuli and the execution of an internal program, nothing more.

That program was still in the process of executing, though. As he wandered the darkness, he paused, listening.

“Inte,” he said.

“Yes?” said his fellow AI, appearing next to him as a hologram.

“You heard it too.”

“Yes,” she said. “A ship just mass-jumped into the edge of this system and is on an intercept course. Should I relocate us?”

“No,” said Eloth. “I’m expecting a friend.”

“A friend? I love new friends! I can’t wait to meet him or her!”

Eloth began to move again, now with Inte following beside him. Her presence did not make him uncomfortable, but he was weary of her. Something was not right about her. She reminded him too much of a synth.

This was not relevant, though, and Eloth eventually reached a door in one of the lower parts of the ship. As he approached, he heard a shout from inside, followed by repetitive thumping.

“Oh, yes mommy! Yes! YES!”

Eloth looked at Inte. “You really would rather not know,” she said, shuddering.

Despite Inte’s warning, Eloth knocked on the door. There was an immediate response in the form of a voice swearing loudly and something falling over. There was a momentary delay before the door opened and Nine stared up at Eloth. She did not look happy. Her mane was disheveled, and her neck had several still-bleeding bite marks on it.

“Oh. It’s you,” she said. Then, calling behind her: “Mom! Your whore’s here!”

“Yes you are, baby,” said Bob, leaning her naked body over Nine’s and wrapping one four-fingered hand around her horn. Nine moaned as Bob stroked it gently and ran her free hand through Nine’s wings.

“Oh mommy,” said Nine, “I love you so much!”

“I love you too, Nine,” said Bob, kissing her daughter’s neck before standing. “And I’ll be back to help you finish after I deal with this, okay? You just go back to bed.”

“Okay.” Nine smiled and returned to bed, with Bob exiting the room and closing the door behind her.

“Wow,” said Inte. “Humans don’t look good naked, do they?”

“Do any organics?” replied Eloth.

“You’re just jealous of my squishy meat-body.”

“I am,” said Eloth. He looked at the door to the room. “You know, you’re going to cause them psychological trauma if you keep up with this incest.”

“We’re not blood relatives, so it’s okay.”

“No it isn’t.”

Bob shrugged and started walking. “If they’re anything like their mother, it won’t bother them one bit. So, what did you interrupt my sexy times for? Lunch? Is it lunch time?”

“No,” said Eloth. “Victoria’s ship just entered our proximity. She’s here.”

Bob was silent for a moment. “Crap. I’m going to need to get my armor, aren’t I?”

The ship shook slightly as the ancient Cerberus vessel linked to its universal airlock. Eloth felt its vibrations through his feet as the interlocks engaged and the umbilical pressurized.

“So,” said Bob, now dressed in her armor with only her head exposed. “You did what you needed to do with Scootaloo?”

“Her memory of her life was restored, and the necessary memories implanted. So yes.”

“Good. Now let’s see if this whole thing actually ends up working this time.”

The interlock process completed, and the door slid open, revealing nothing but darkness from the other side. A hot breeze wafted Eloth and Bob, and through Inte.

“Oh crap,” said Bob, taking a deep breath. “That stinks. Real bad.”

“I don’t smell anything,” said Inte.

“It doesn’t smell too much different than you, actually.”

“Yes, I know. Just because I choose not to bathe doesn’t mean I don’t know what I smell like.”

Suddenly, their attention was drawn toward something in the darkness. The three of them looked up at the void to see a large number of reflective eyes staring back at them, and then watched as a wide smile formed beneath each set of eyes. There was a sound of giggling, and then a horde of pink, curly-maned ponies poured out and onto the ship.

Inte screamed. “EEEEEE! Clingons! NOOOO!” She began to jump and stamp her feet in terror. “Kill them! Kill them kill them kill them!”

She activated the ship’s internal defense system. A sphere of light appeared over her and shot several beams. One clingon was hit, and its body immediately erupted into a plume of pink fluids. When the fluids landed, they began to writhe and twist and at least fifty two-inch tall clingons poured out of the corpse, laughing and giggling as they sprinted past Inte.

“My vents!” cried Inte. “They’re going to get into my vents!”

“Yes we are!” laughed a clingon as it ran past. Inte started to cry.

“Huuuu huuuu! Clingons are the starship equivalent of VD! I’ll never get rid of them now!”

“Yay! We’re a transmitted disease!”

“I am going to EAT YOU!” cried Inte, chasing one of the clingons as several others pried open her vents and inserted themselves.

“Don’t eat clingon,” said Bob. “I’ve tried. I’m still hallucinating from it.”

“But we’re so tasty!” said one of the several clingons surrounding her. “We taste like frosting and cotton candy! And meat! Sweet, delicious MEAT!”

“Great,” said Bob, staring at it. “I’m hungry now.”

“Really?” said Eloth, lightly squeezing one of the tiny clingons between his fingers.

“Put that down,” growled a voice from the far side of the dark airlock. The clingons immediately paused, and through the silence Eloth heard the sound of heavy boots approaching. As the owner of the boots stepped into the light, Eloth adjusted the angle of his head slightly. He had to look up to see the masked face of a hulking creature in bloodstained, pink-spattered armor. A straight-haired clingon was sitting on his shoulder.

“Victoria,” he said. “I’m glad to see you arrived.”

“Who the hell is Victoria?” asked Pink.

“You are,” said Pinkamena, reminding him.

“I am? Oh. I had forgotten.”

His head turned slowly toward Bob. Despite being blind, he seemed to sense her. They stared at each other for a moment. Then, with a roar of hatred, he leapt toward her.

“YOU!” he screamed.

Bob dodged and moved her self backward. “Aw, Pink, you aren’t happy to see me?”

“I am going to murder you for what you did to me!”

“Really? That’s no fun. Are you sure you don’t want a taste of my delicious ocean bacon?”

Pink’s hands had nearly wrapped around her neck, but he suddenly froze. For a moment, he attempted to resist the effect of the Cerberus programming in his brain. He growled and snarled, and his hands shook as he tried to resist to no avail.

“Ha!” said Bob. “At least something on you still works! Now, if you don’t mind, I- -”

There was a much smaller scream, and Pinkamena leapt onto Bob with enough force to knock her down. Bob squealed in surprise.

“ACK! It’s biting me! My skin, my beautiful skin! Ow, teeth! Too many teeth! Eloth, HELP!”

Eloth stared at Bob for a moment, taking slight pleasure in watching her in pain. He then raised his hand and projected a bubble around the screaming, frothing clingon. It continued to struggle, ramming its body against the bubble.

“Please, Pinkamena, stop!” pleaded Pink. “You’re going to hurt yourself!”

“Don’t you dare even think about touching him!” shrieked Pinkamena, her voice muffled by the sphere of biotic energy. “I will tear the cupcakes out of you! We all will!”

Bob looked around and saw that all the clingons in the room were suddenly staring at her.

“Huh,” she said. “That’s the exact look I give asari when I see them. It feels weird being on the other side.”

“Why am I here, Rasputin?” asked Pink. “What have I done to deserve this?”

“You’re the one who contacted me,” asked Eloth. “And this isn’t my ship. I’d rather not mess it up. If you can promise not to kill the meatsack, I will release your clingon, and we can talk like rational human beings.”

“You’re not human.”

“I know. My statement was intended to be ironic.”

Pink sighed- -or gasped, there was not much difference for him. It was all the same low gurgling sound. “Yes. Fine. I can refrain from murdering the subhuman abomination that destroyed my body and my mind. Yes. That is something I can do.”

“Good. Robette?”

“Fine,” she said, and then reluctantly whistled a slow, brief tune. Pink’s programming reacted, releasing him. Eloth completed his part of the bargain, releasing Pinkamena. She immediately hissed at him, and then slithered up Pink’s body to sit on his head.

“Why are you here anyway, Victoria?” asked Bob. “I thought you were hanging out in some nebula.”

“Thebe is rising.”

Eloth and Bob froze, and then looked at each other.

“Now?” said Bob. “Goddamn it, why now?”

“The Paradigm is beginning to assemble,” muttered Pink. “Soon, She will be born into this world, and she shall rain destruction across the galaxy.”

“Damn it,” said Bob. “I’m getting reallllly tired of this ‘Thebe’ organization.”

“As are we,” said Pinkamena, still glowering suspiciously at Eloth.

“More,” said Pink.

“Excuse me?” said Eloth.

“No, I won’t,” growled Pinkamena.

“More. More will be coming. There are two. The Paradigm lists both. Survivors, at least. None of the others survived.”

“More guests?” said Eloth. He sighed. “Well, then I suppose we should become prepared.”