Finding Artemis

by Crensler

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Drama, Original Character, Queen Chrysalis, Profanity, Violence, Princess Celestia, Human
Length: 85211

David, or rather Prince Artemis, faces an uncertain future. Is it possible for him to find happiness after a millenia of hatred and pain? Or will the past be a lingering shadow from which he cannot escape? Only time will tell.

( Cover art by mysterygamer3000@ymail.com )

How do you pick up the pieces of a life that was never meant to be yours? Practically forgiven for crimes that I will never forget, I must now find my way in a world that I do not understand. My name is Artemis, newly crowned alicorn prince and the so-called "younger brother" of the Princesses Celestia and Luna. However, long ago, I was once a human being named David, before some great cosmic accident brought me to this strange land called Equestria. What sort of future is there for me here? Can I ever learn to live with what I've done? I wish I knew. For now all I can do is continue moving forward and hope that, one day, I will find the answers I seek.

By request:
https://sipioc.deviantart.com/art/Chrysalis-and-Artemis-708805073
https://sipioc.deviantart.com/art/Artemis-and-the-CMC-705723144
https://sipioc.deviantart.com/art/Twi-and-Arti-691687460
https://sipioc.deviantart.com/art/Happy-Birthday-Artie-678378336
https://sipioc.deviantart.com/art/Heavenly-Siblings-676060101
https://sipioc.deviantart.com/art/The-Lunar-Twins-667491982
https://sipioc.deviantart.com/art/Artemis-and-Luna-663349032
https://sipioc.deviantart.com/art/Artemis-and-Luna-655420287

Published 2016-12-24 17:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-12 01:22:43 UTC

Chapter 1: This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Sometimes I wonder if there really is a God, or some other sort of deity, out there, somewhere, laughing at us, its poor, hapless creations. The Protestants talk about a loving, just deity, the Catholics a hardass who'll set you on fire for eternity for just jerking off, the Islamists...yeah, let's not even try to talk about that particular can of worms. The point is, if there really is some sort of god(s), I really wish I could walk up to it/them and give them a swift kick to their genitals. Or whatever they'd have. Because super cosmic beings don't have to conform to our perception of reality and I'm going off on a mental tangent because I have no idea what's even going on anymore. All I know is that there's a lingering smell of smoke, mixed with ozone and burnt hair, while a pair of colorful, almost cartoonish, ponies blink at me owlishly.

"What the hell just happened?" I ask dazedly, trying to blink the spots away while Cadance and Shining Armor exchange worried glances.

"Well, um, we were trying to teach you how to access your magic without relying on the methods taught to you by Nightmare Moon by having you construct a simple spell matrix," Cadance explains, which is good, because my memory of what led to me feeling like someone had tried to pull my brain out through my nose is a little fuzzy at the moment. "But when you closed the circuit it...exploded."

"That's not supposed to happen," I postulate, looking to Shining Armor for confirmation. "Right?"

"Yeah," he replies, the word sightly drawn out, as the pair again exchange a glance. "Maybe you ought to sit down. You're looking a little wobbly." That sounds like a great idea.

"Sure," I murmur, parking my flanks right down on the floor, taking a bit to try and clear my head. Okay, I know that a spell matrix doesn't just explode by itself. You either construct it incorrectly or you overload it, though someone could mess with it if they wanted to. Not only do I doubt either of the two ponies with me would do that, I also know I would have noticed. So why? I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and try to think. I feel things coming back into focus, thank fucking God for alicorn healing, and the memory of what happened slowly filters through the haze caused by my little mishap.

0o0o0o0o0o0

I'd followed Shining Armor into the room, some sort of study that had been cleared out so I could practice without being disturbed. Cadance was waiting for us, of course. No surprise there, given she's my parole officer, so to speak. She smiled but it wasn't directed at me, her eyes on Shining Armor with him smiling right back. I'd seen that look often enough on the faces of others back on Earth to recognize it; this was a couple that had only recently fallen in love. I've heard new love is...well, amazing. Like you can do anything, so long as you're with the person you love. I remember experiencing a twinge of envy and immediately shaking it off. That is never going to happen for me, I reasoned. No woman, mare, whatever, deserves to have to deal with the sort of baggage I drag around all the time. I let them give each other goo-goo eyes for a few moments more and cleared my throat.

"Not that the two of you aren't simply precious," I drawled, which caused them both to blush, "but I'm here to learn how to use magic. Again." A twisting feeling in the pit of my gut. The humiliation of being forced to learn things as if I'm just some helpless child...even remembering the feeling brings on a flare of frustration. No, focus on the memory, just let it go.

"Right." Shining Armor turned from Cadance and cleared his throat, trying to act as if he hadn't just been all head over heels a few seconds before. "Now, from what I've been told, I understand that you don't need a remedial lesson in levitation, but in almost every other field you only know how to access your magic by relying on fear, anger and hate. That about right?"

"Yeah," I had replied stiffly, not comfortable admitting to a failing, even if it's not my fault. "Nightmare wanted a weapon. She got one."

"Right, of course." Shining Armor shifted uncomfortably and I had wondered if it bothered him to think about the fact he's teaching a reformed psychotic murderer how to use his magic. Can't say I'd blame him if that had been the case. "We need a way to get you to access it. Frankly this isn't a problem that comes up all that often, as most unicorns learn to use magic instinctively when they're still foals." That had made me grind my teeth, the reminder that I'm now less competent than a baby bringing a familiar burning feeling to life inside my chest. "Look, I'm not going to tell you not to feel frustrated or embarrassed. You weren't born with the ability to use magic, which is probably one of the reasons Nightmare taught you how to access it the way she did." This brought my self-flagellation to a halt.

"Explain," I grunted out, having been morbidly curious.

"Dark magic comes to the wielder easier than normal methods," Shining Armor explained. "The rush of adrenaline brought on by fear and anger, the instinct to survive, to defend yourself? It's far simpler to just react than it is to consciously construct a spell and make it behave in the way you want it to." Made sense. Still does, now that I think about it. "Levitation is by far the most basic of magic, as you need only focus on an object and will it to move. But, say, you want to create a shield." A dome of pink energy appeared around him for a few moments before he had let the spell unravel. "You have to think about what you want kept out, what you want inside it, how strong the shield is...well, you get the idea." I gave him a nod to show him that I had understood the explanation. "I want to try and see if you can tap into your magic with a simple exercise." I was then presented with a piece of chalk. "You know how to construct a spell matrix, right?"

"Of course," I had scoffed, taking the chalk and giving it a little twirl for effect. "What sort of matrix do you have in mind?"

"Just give me a basic containment circle," Shining had instructed. "Remember to relax and don't try to force it. If you start using dark magic, though, Cadance will activate the nullification feature of your collar. So try and not to get frustrated or something, alright?"

"I think I can handle something as simple as a basic circle, Captain," I replied gruffly, gaze falling to the floor, the chalk pressing against the polished wood as I began to draw. The memory jerks and I'm back on the moon, the freezing cold of space and the blazing heat of the sun on my back a distant counterpoint to the voice in my mind.

I told you to FOCUS! She screams at me, the rock I'd been using briefly falling from my grasp. I do not care that you are tired, Artemis. We need to finish the array before the alignment!

"I know," I reply, teeth gritting together as the rock shakes along its path as I continue to construct the matrix. "Only one chance, just one."

Then do it correctly, you incompetent imbecile!

"Maybe if you'd stop shouting-"

Do not make excuses to me, human!

"I told you to stop calling me 'human'!" I snap, the rock snapping in half as I bear down on it harder. "I have a name!"

A name that I gave you, you useless foal. I start trembling, teeth bared in a snarl. Whatever is the matter, my prince? Are you going to cry?

"SHUT UP, NIGHTMARE!"

0o0o0o0o0o0

I awake from the memory with a start, my heart pounding and breath coming in short, ragged gasps. I see Shining Armor and Cadance, their mouths moving, but all I can hear is a high pitched whine that grows louder as my gasps turn into panting rasps. Panic attack, it's a panic attack, I need to calm down!

"I-I'm fine," I say, though I can't hear myself, shakily getting up and backing away from them both, which only makes them look worried. "I'm fine!" Shining Armor attempts to approach me, my ears folding back as the whine turns into a shriek in my ears. "I SAID I'M FINE!" My shout breaks through the panic, though I'm still panting, having been just about hyperventilating towards the end there. He flinches back, both of them staring at me in shock. I clench my teeth, gaze dropping to the floor. I've done it again. Why? Why does she still have to haunt me?!

"Artemis, please, calm down," Cadance urges me, voice gentle, soothing, yet I shake my head and back further away. I know why the matrix exploded. The flashback, it disrupted my work, a flood of rage overloading it. Can I ever use magic safely? Should I even try? "Look, why don't we take a break? I'll have tea brought up and we can-"

"No!" I snap, only to wince. "No." There, more civil. Breathe, Artemis, just breathe. "I should...I have to...I need air." I turn and leave the room before they can say anything more.

0o0o0o0o0o0

The door shuts and the sound of running hoof beats can be heard briefly before they trail off, Shining Armor turning to Cadance, expression a mix of worried and alarmed. Hers bears one of sympathy, the mare having reached out with her unique brand of magic and tried to sense what was going on with the obviously troubled Artemis. It hadn't been pretty to say the least.

"Did you see his eyes?" Shining Armor asks, a shiver running through him briefly. "So that's what they looked like back then." He calms himself, expression turning serious. "Should we go after him?"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Cadance tells him, his head tilting ever so slightly as a result. "He's hurting, Shiny, and scared." She shakes her head, a sigh escaping her after a moment. "I can see why Auntie wanted me to be the one to watch over him now."

"So what do we do, Cadie?" Shining Armor glances towards the door. "You're the one in charge of his case, so it's your call."

"For now we wait. With how defensive he is, following him will only end up making things worse." Cadance starts towards the door. "I just hope he won't try to do anything rash."

0o0o0o0o0o0

Once the door is shut I break into a run, racing down the hall, eyes casting about for some means of escape. I need to get out, this place just feels too small! Damn it, I'm fucking claustrophobic now, I hate this! There, a door. I burst through it, startling a servant, though I don't pay them any attention. Keep going till you see daylight! I take turns at random, eventually coming across a set of doors I don't recognize. I don't even hesitate, pouring on the speed and hit it hard enough to knock one of them off a hinge. Fuck it, I'll fix it later, what matters is there's sunlight! I come to a stop on some kind of terrace, with stairs sweeping downwards on either side, a grand display of greenery before my eyes. Grass, trees, bushes, a hedge maze, some statues...a garden?

It doesn't matter to me, my eyes drifting shut as I take a deep breath. Crisp, clean air, the wind catching my mane and freeing it of its tie, my pulse slowing as I just bask in the wonderful scent of nature and the warmth of the sun. It's the one good thing Celestia contributes in my opinion. No, that's not fair. She might be infuriating and a hypocrite, but her ponies seem to be happy so she must be doing something right. Wow, me thinking something positive about Celestia? I must be going soft. I decide to open my eyes, letting my gaze travel over the gardens, able to hear animals out amidst the well kept grounds. Maybe taking a stroll through them will help? It's worth a shot, anyway, so I start heading down the right hand set of stairs. Birds sing, the wind blows and I allow myself to smile. I never really appreciated nature before. A thousand years surrounded by barren rock will do that to you, I guess.

I let myself wander, watching as a squirrel scurries into the bow of one of the trees, chuckling as it gazes down at me warily. Nothing to be scared of here, little guy. Just a monster taking a stroll, no big deal. My smile wilts slightly at that thought. Shake it off, Artemis. No point in feeling sorry for yourself. I quit smiling despite my efforts, though I resume my walk. Flowers, expertly sculpted hedges, statues of ponies and animals and...some mismatched creature I don't have a name for. Someone has some very odd tastes in art. I leave the odd piece of masonry behind and wander my way over to the entrance to the hedge maze. Should I try to find my way through it? I've never been much good at solving puzzles or traversing mazes. Still, what else do I have to do right now? Well, all sorts of things, itemized and scheduled for efficiency of time, but that's beside the point. Getting myself lost sounds oddly appealing right about now. Besides, if I can't find my way out I can just fly. Is that cheating? Maybe, but I also don't much care if that's really the case.

"How did it go?" I ponder aloud as I step past the threshold of the maze's entrance. "Hug the left hand wall? I think that was it." Of course, that only applies if this maze was constructed with any sort of logic in mind. "Worth trying at least." I trace one hoof along the hedge wall as I walk, the three legged gait taking a bit to get used to, but I manage. Then something happens that completely throws off my rhythm and almost sends me to the ground face first. A giggle, childish, playful, from around the next corner. Are children allowed into the castle gardens unattended? I doubt it, so the sound has me running to see. Yet there's nothing. The fuck? There it is again, behind me! I spin, catching sight of a flash of blue. There! I give chase, only to again find nothing. What the hell is going on here? Out of the corner of my eye, a flash of white and I don't hesitate, immediately running after it.

"Wait!" I call, this time able to see a foal, giggling as she races ahead of me. "What are you doing here? It's not-" I turn the next corner and she's gone. "Okay, that's creepy." A chill runs through me as I look around, something about all of this very wrong. Are there ghosts in Equestria? With magic, monsters and talking animals I wouldn't put it past this world to have ghosts and other such things.

"Artemis~" A child's voice, behind me. I catch a glimpse of a little filly, her coat color the same as mine, giggling at me before she runs down a branch of the maze.

"Not this time," I mutter, sick of this, whatever it is. I flap my wings, clearing the top of the wall and descending towards the filly.

"No fair flying!" She protests and suddenly my wings lock against my sides, sending me plummeting to the ground. She laughs and takes off, a growl escaping me as I push myself back up on my hooves.

"No fair using magic!" I find myself saying, though not by choice. "What the hell is this?"

"Come on, slow poke!" The taunting call has me running after the familiar looking filly, my legs moving almost of their own accord. I still have no idea what in God's name is happening, but I'm definitely going to find out. The filly leads me on a merry chase, somehow always staying just ahead of me, despite the fact I should have caught up to her easily. Eventually the maze lets out into an open area, a gazebo and a small, private garden. Only the children aren't waiting for me there. She is.

"You," I growl, Luna looking up from a book she'd been reading in surprise. "What kind of sick joke was that just now?"

"Artemis?" She looks and sounds confused, but I'm not buying it for a second. "We...I do not understand. What sort of jape dost thou speak of?"

"You're kidding, right?" There's that old time speech again. She'd spoken just fine on the moon, if a little formal in her articulation, so what the hell is this? "Those fillies just now didn't just appear from out of nowhere. And drop the Shakespearean talk, I'm not in the mood for it."

"Shakespeare? Fillies?" I grind my teeth as she continues to play dumb with me. "I do not know what thou may have seen, but 'twas not I that made it so." She stands from the bench she'd been sitting on, setting her book aside as she starts to approach me. "These young ones; how didst they appear?"

"One was white, the other...well, like us." Could she really not be the one behind it? But why else would I see such things? "They kept appearing and disappearing, leading me through to maze to you." I let out a soft snort. "Which is why I assumed that you were behind it."

"Did the white one have a mane the color of water lilies?" Well, technically a water lily can be multiple colors, but I'm assuming she means pink, so I nod in response. "I see." She closes her eyes and sighs tiredly. "You spoke of memories from mine past during thine trial. I believe that this hallucination is something that lingers from our time as a single being as well."

"This was a bit more than flashes of images or sounds, Luna," I point out. "They looked real and one even used magic on me, or seemed to anyway."

"Tis simply a theory," she reminds me. "Magic and the mind can play tricks upon the senses in ways that seem all too real at times. I know this fact far better than most." She offers me a shrug, the movement oddly graceful looking, especially from a quadruped. "I do not know what else may have brought such illusions to thee otherwise."

"Say I believe it's just my fucked up mind pulling a fast one on me," I begin, though my tone betrays the fact I'm not sure I believe it. "Why now? Why you and Celestia as children?"

"When we were still but fillies, Celestia and I lived in a place with beautiful gardens such as these," Luna replies, head turning so she can take it all in. "'Twas a much simpler time. I am not surprised mine sister attempted to recreate it." She gestures to the gazebo. "This is almost an exact replica of the one where we played as foals. When we were but innocent youths and had yet to bear the burden of rule." Another sigh, this one more weary than the last. "I sometimes wish...but no, such is impossible. Time cannot be reversed."

"Are we done with the pity party?" My tone is biting but I don't care. I don't want to hear about what life was like when they were kids and I sure as fuck don't need to hear Luna's sob story about having to bear the weight of the crown and all that rubbish. "Or are you gonna break into song and do a dance routine next?"

"Thou art a truly strange pony, Artemis," Luna says, seemingly unfazed by my biting words. "Then again, thou art not truly a pony in spirit." She hesitates briefly. "There is something I have been meaning to speak with thee about, if thou dost possess the time to indulge me."

"What now?" Though, honestly, do I have anything better to do right now? No, not really, but do I want to hear her out when I could be doing just about anything else? "You know what? Fine, but make it quick." I really am crazy if I'm willing to let her talk. What could she possibly have to say to me after all she did?

"I will not waste time attempting to apologize. It would not do either of us any good, nor wouldst thou likely be willing to accept it regardless." Damn straight. "However, I have wronged thee in ways that bring me grief to recall. I had allowed myself to drown in jealousy and hatred for so long that all I cared about was getting mine precious revenge." I grit my teeth and hold my tongue for the time being. What I really want to do is shout at her, just let her have it, but would that fix things? Would it undo the past? No. Damn it, I hate this. "I do not know if I can ever make amends. Perhaps such is but an impossible dream, yet I simply cannot leave this be any longer." She manifests her sword and kneels, leaving me to stare at her in shock. "To thee I doth make a vow, mine brother. Call if thou hast need of me. Ask what thou wouldst of me. Mine sword, mine service and mine life art thine to do with as thou pleases." And she offers the hilt of her sword to me, head bowed as she awaits my response.

What do I say? What do I do? Despite myself I can tell this is serious, the weight of her vow settling onto my shoulders and causing me to swallow thickly. Why? I have to know.

"Why?" I ask, gaze locked on the hilt of her weapon. "Why do this? If this is another-"

"No tricks, no deceptions," she tells me, head still bowed to me. "I have made a vow and, if thou doth wish it, I would give mine life for thee." My heart skips a beat and I find myself accepting the hilt, Luna remaining kneeling, completely vulnerable. Her sword, expertly crafted, its edge razor sharp...I could take her head in a single stroke if I wished. Yet she waits, her guard down, for what I decide to do next. It would be so easy. One stroke and I could make her pay the ultimate price for everything she's ever done to me. All the pain, the lies, she would die and I would finally be free of her forever! I find myself raising the sword, teeth bared in a snarl, my heartbeat pounding in my ears as my gaze focuses on the back of her neck.

No. As much as we both deserve it, I can't just kill her like this. So I lower the sword, eyes squeezed shut as I start to tremble slightly. Damn her and damn me, too. Why couldn't she have made this easy? I could have handled her being an evil bitch! But this? Humble, offering me her life without even a struggle? It's too fucking much!

"Oh, for fuck's sake, get up!" I snap and turn away, not wanting her to see the tears gathering in my eyes. "I don't want your life, damn it. I'll accept your stupid vow, so just stop kneeling to me already." I hear her moving, likely to stand. "This doesn't change anything between us, you hear me? I still hate you!"

"I know," she replies solemnly, the tears starting to flow now. Fucking God damn her for doing this to me! Why does my chest hurt? I hate this! "I will honor mine vow, brother. You need only call my name and I shalt answer the call."

"Artemis!" Cadance? Christ, how long have I been out here? "Artemis, if you're out here then answer me!"

"Thou must take thine leave of me," Luna instructs. "Thine gaoler calls for thee and thou must not keep her waiting."

"Yeah...yeah, I should go." I plant her sword in the ground and start walking, relieved to be able to leave. I don't run, not wanting her to catch on, but I do take to the air after a few moments, eyes scanning for Cadance once I'm clear of the hedge maze. "And stop calling me your brother." I'm gone before she can reply, rubbing my eyes so Cadance doesn't see that I've been crying. The last thing I need right now is for her to start asking awkward questions.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Luna watches as Artemis flies away, her gaze lingering upon him until he is no longer in sight. So much pain contained within a single pony, pain that she had caused. It makes her heart ache to see him hide behind a veil of anger, yet she knows better. They are more alike than he would ever admit and she, better than anypony, is able to recognize when somepony else is trying to hide how much something hurts them. She sighs at the thought, willing her sword to return to its storage pocket and wonders if she'll ever be able to atone. This, she feels, was a good first step if nothing else. Now it would be up to Artemis to decide if he wished to take the next. For now, however, all she can do is wait. Now, where had she been? Oh, yes, catching up on modern tax law. Joy.

"Mine sister is truly a slave driver," she groans before returning to her dry, dreadfully dull book. "I almost wish Artemis had decided to take mine head. Then, at least, I would not have to deal with such inane bureaucracy."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"I'm of half a mind to restrict you to the palace!" Cadance berates me, making me feel like a misbehaving child rather than what is, essentially, a demigod in this world. "Do you have any idea how worried we were after you didn't come back?"

"Well, you were the one that let me go in the first place," I feel the need to remind her and I see Shining Armor wince as a result out of the corner of my eye. Cadance's glare is definitely not something I like being on the other end of and she's giving me one hell of a stare down right this moment.

"I let you go because you obviously needed some space," Cadance tells me tartly. "How would you have reacted if we'd tried to stop you after having an episode like that?" I paw at the grass with one hoof, wondering what, exactly, is going on here. "When you didn't come back and nopony knew where you were...Faust, we were worried you'd done something foolish."

"Like killing myself?" I shake my head. "No. But, seriously, you were worried? About me?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Shining Armor, of all ponies, asks. I stare at him, utterly dumbfounded. "Hey, come on, I might not like you, but I don't want you to die, either." He glances away briefly. "I think you're crude, dangerous and a major security risk but you're also a victim." He sighs. "I'm also sorry for, you know, giving you that lesson. It was stupid of me and I should have known better." Is today just completely crazy or am I on some sort of truly epic trip here? "You're suffering from a serious case of PTSD and having you do that exercise must have triggered it."

"Damn, Armor, tone down the mush," I say gruffly, feeling distinctly uncomfortable at the moment. "It was a mistake and I should have known better, too." I shift my weight slightly. "So can you go back to being a standoffish prick already? I know how to respond to that, at least."

"Flankhole," Shining Armor jabs in response, though he's smiling slightly.

"Douchebag," I return it, catching the sight of Cadance rolling her eyes at us in my peripheral vision.

"Males."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"Do you have sight of the subject?" A pair of pegasi sit on one of the clouds drifting through the sky above Canterlot, one of them holding a pair of binoculars they're using to scan the ground below with.

"Yes." The pegasus with the binoculars leans over the edge of the cloud slightly. "He is speaking with the guard captain and pink princess. No sign of the other two princesses at this time."

"Keep an eye on them," the other pegasus instructs, keeping an eye out for any sign that they've been spotted. "We might not have long here before one of the guards spots us."

"Understood." The first pegasus looks up from the binoculars briefly. "Why do you think our queen is so interested in this pony? Shouldn't we be preparing to strike their hive?"

"Do not question Queen Chrysalis's orders," the second snaps, though his attention remains on maintaining a constant vigil, just in case. "Her reasons are not for us to understand."

"What do you think happened to the Destroyer?" The first asks as he goes back to observing those below. "Did the Sun Princess destroy it with the attack that shattered the Hive Spire?"

"Hard to say." The second glances towards the ground below briefly. "I have heard their battle was brutal and that the very sky shook with their fury. Such a foe as to fight on even ground with the Sun Princess is not one to underestimate."

"Then why waste time here?" The first shifts uncomfortably. "I do not wish to question our Queen, but this does not make sense to me."

"She must have some plan in mind," the second offers. "Now be still and quiet. A patrol is coming this way."

0o0o0o0o0o0

Another day, another night of little sleep, only to have to suffer through an early start to the next. I really am glad these ponies have coffee, otherwise trying to function on only a few hours of worthwhile sleep would be a bitch. I crawl out of bed, stumble into the bathroom to take care of my morning business and catch sight of myself in the mirror. Christ, I look like a complete mess. My mane is all over the place, my eyes have bags the size of sand dollars under them and my wings look in rough shape. I give one a flap, grimacing as several feathers come loose and flutter to the floor. Am I molting? Do alicorns molt? I don't think I've ever learned proper hygiene beyond the obvious. Is this something I should talk to a doctor about? And there's Cadance knocking at the door already. I haven't even had the chance to shower yet.

"It's open!" I call, the bathroom door open enough for the sound to carry to her. "You're here early," I remark as I hear the door open and the sound of hoofsteps as she comes inside. "Give me a chance to clean up and we can talk over breakfast."

"Thank you for the offer, Artemis, but I have already eaten this morning." That is NOT Cadance. I stick my head out the door, eyes widening at the sight of Celestia standing in the middle of my disorganized mess of a room. Well, if I wasn't awake before then I definitely am now. "If this is a bad time I can always return once you have a chance to collect yourself." I blink at her stupidly and she stands there, smiling that motherly, infuriating smile, and I'm still just staring at her like a complete idiot!

"Uh...hi?" Oh, great start, dumbass. "W-what are you doing here?" God, was she always so fucking tall? Oh, right, I shrunk.

"Is it so odd that I would come to see my little brother?" Mischief is in her eyes and I give her the look that smartass comment deserves. "Truthfully I wished to see how you were adjusting to things here in the palace."

"What, does Cadance not give you daily reports?" I ask, slipping back into the bathroom to start cleaning myself up, making sure the door is closed enough that we can talk but not enough so she can see inside. Casual nudity or not, I'd like at least some privacy while doing something like this.

"Oh, of course she does." Of course, why did I even bother asking? "But there is only so much you can learn from reading a report."

"Uh huh." I start up the shower. "So, what then? Is this some sort of social call?"

"It can be, if you like." I roll my eyes at her response. "I understand you've taken a liking to the dark roast blend we keep in stock. Shall I have a pot brought in while you finish up?"

"Do whatever you want, princess," I reply, stepping into the shower once the water is at a temperature I like. "It's your castle."

"True, but it is your home now as well." I only half pay attention as I wash up. "Are you comfortable here? Is there anything you need to make your room more to your liking?"

"The room is fine," I reply impatiently, scrubbing shampoo into my mane furiously. Jesus, she's starting to sound like my mother. "I'm trying to finish up, here, so if you don't mind could you let me get back to it?"

"Of course." She sounds amused. "I shall have coffee and tea brought in, then, if it pleases you."

"Whatever," I grumble, rinsing my head, the rush of water drowning out every other sound as it cascades over me. What is she even doing here? Is this some kind of attempt for us to get to know each other or something? It would certainly explain the almost complete 180 in attitude from when she introduced me as her brother. Crafty old bitch. Well, joke's on her, I'm not gonna let her manipulate me like that. I finish up and use a quick little burst of power to dry myself, already starting to brush out my mane when I step out into my room. When I do, however, I am again left staring at what I see. My room is somehow spotless, the bed neatly made and the drapes drawn to let in a healthy amount of sunlight. I wasn't in there nearly long enough, so how did...why did...I have so many questions!

"Is something the matter?" I don't reply, eyes taking in the somehow sparkling room, brush still half raised as I stand there, staring numbly. "Oh, yes, well, it was just such a mess. I couldn't help myself." Celestia's a neat freak. Great. "Is that a problem? I could always-"

"No, do what you want," I reply abruptly, shaking it off and going back to brushing my mane, wincing as I hit a nasty tangle, having to yank it out and start again. "Saves the maid the trouble, I guess." I feel the brush suddenly tugged from my telekinetic grip. "Hey, I was using that!" Celestia merely smiles and takes a seat on my bed, patting the space between her hind legs as she holds up the brush.

"Sit," she urges me, and I can't help but stare at her. What the hell is going on? What kind of surreal nightmare have I woken up to that Celestia, of all ponies, is offering to brush my mane? "Artemis, stop looking at me like I just sprouted a second head and sit down. Please." I really must be dreaming and, if so, what could it hurt? I walk over and sit where she indicated, tense and awkward as she begins brushing out my mane. "So tense. I can't say I blame you, given our history."

"Yeah, so what's this about?" I ask before I can stop myself. "If you're trying to help me relax then you're doing the exact opposite."

"Ponies are very social creatures, Artemis," she informs me, gently working out a knot before continuing her work. "I know next to nothing about your species of birth, but you're going to have to adjust to our way of life if you wish to make any progress." I suppose that's a fair point. "You might have noticed certain aspects of this from your interactions with Cadance and Shining Armor."

"I just figured that they're so touchy feely with each other due to the fact they're dating," I remark dryly. "Are you saying that's normal for you ponies or what?"

"Perhaps not to the extent that those two are affectionate, but yes," Celestia replies, sounding rather amused. "We were herd animals back before we first learned to speak, or so our historians and archeologists theorize, so is it really so surprising?"

"Well, sorry, but humans aren't nearly so...comfortable with physical contact." Emphasized by the fact I keep flinching whenever the brush touches my "scalp", but I can't seem to help it. "Are you done yet?"

"Almost," she says, again, sounding strangely amused. "I can't help noticing that your wings, well, frankly they're a mess."

"What am I supposed to do about it?" I ask, annoyed and uncomfortable, not a good combination. "The cleansing spell I learned doesn't fix it."

"...has no one spoken to you about proper wing hygiene?" Celestia asks me, for the first time sounding hesitant. Okay, that makes me feel even more nervous than I already was before.

"There's such a thing as proper wing hygiene?" I ask, looking back at her, seeing her carefully crafted "Princess" face as she blinks at me. "What?"

"Artemis, preening is an important part of wing care," she tells me, setting the brush aside. "I would have expected somepony to speak with you about it by now."

"It's not like anyone knows how ignorant I really am," I point out. "The castle staff probably think I know stuff like this already."

"Of course." She takes a breath and lets it out slowly. "Well, there are several books on the subject that I could-"

"Celestia, I'm still having trouble reading 'Ringer the Unicorn' and 'See Spot Run'," I remind her, though admitting it to her aloud hurts my pride immensely. "Do you really think I can understand something as advanced as what you're suggesting?"

"Oh dear." She closes her eyes, maybe counting to ten, before pasting on a smile. "Well, I suppose I could...teach you if you like."

"Sure, go right ahead," I respond without hesitation, her expression wilting as a result. "Okay, what's the matter now?"

"Nothing," she says, a little too quickly for my liking. "Just spread your wings and sit still, alright?"

"Uh...okay?" I turn my head so I'm facing forward once more and do as she asked, waiting as patiently as I can. I let out a squeak as I feel the soft warmth of something against my left wing, the feeling of lips and teeth gently nibbling at my feathers causing my cheeks to flush and a tingle to run the length of my spine. "W-w-what the heck are you doing?!"

"Just be quiet and allow me to work in silence," she says imperiously, my back going ramrod straight out of instinct at her sudden shift in tone. "This is awkward enough as it is." I say nothing, cheeks still flushed as she goes back to work, my body twitching and my teeth grinding together to keep any more embarrassing noises from escaping me. What the hell is going on right now?! She's just helping me learn how to fix my wings and-oh, God, no! No, no, no, bad body, bad body! And she's just working on the one wing! Christ, can this get any worse?

"Auntie, I brought the tea and coffee," I hear Cadance's voice as the door starts to open, my face burning hot.

"No, don't come in!" I shout, my voice cracking as I lay myself flat on the bed to hide my...problem from sight. I can't help letting out a yelp as this causes Celestia to yank out a couple feathers harder than she likely intended.

"Don't be so dramatic, I'm just-" Cadance freezes as she steps in far enough to see us, eyes widening. My face is likely beat red and I'm lying on the bed with Celestia leaning over me with my feathers in her mouth. Kill me now. "A-Auntie!"

"What?" She asks casually, having just spit the feathers out. "I'm simply helping my little brother preen." And she goes right back to it, the heat of her body making me squirm as she has to lean closer to do it. "Is there something wrong with that?" I let out a squeak as she licks a few feathers back into place. And there's Shining Armor, having just followed Cadance in. That's it, I'm done.

"Get the fuck out of my room!" It's less the roaring shout I wanted and more a shrill demand. "And cut that out, I get the idea already!"

"You know you've turned a rather fetching shade of red," Celestia remarks teasingly, though she does get off the bed. "Shall I leave you alone while you...ahem, finish freshening up?" The way she said that, she knows I'm-God damn it, I hate this stupid pony body right now!

"I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!" My fierce shout causes Celestia to chuckle as she moves to depart, casting one last look, full of impish mischief, my way before she opens the door.

"Such a loving younger brother."

"FUCK YOU!"

0o0o0o0o0o0

A pair of servants, off to other parts of the castle, stand out in the hall, staring at the now closed door, listening to the commotion going on in Prince Artemis's quarters. They stand there, stunned, at what they hear, exchanging a glance with one another just before the door opens and Princess Celestia walks out, looking rather pleased with herself. Not a good sign. She sees them, gives them a small nod, and departs, leaving the pair to wonder just what had really happened in there.

"I didn't see anything, did you?" The first asks, to which the second shakes her head. "Good, now let's get moving before something else happens." And they swiftly depart.

0o0o0o0o0o0

After that disaster of a morning I was quite happy to take another shower, this one ice cold, before officially starting my day. More lessons, though at least my reading skills are improving, and a session with Shining Armor, who looked just as awkward as I felt the entire time, before I took a break for lunch. I ate quickly, donned my disguise and met up with my escorts to begin my round of garbage picking in the park for the week. They seemed more subdued today, keeping their distance from me as they brought me to the park. I wonder why? A question for another time, I guess. The park was a little more crowded than I liked, but the ponies mostly ignore as I go about my work. Suits me just fine, really. I'm still no good at talking to them, when it comes right down to it. I'm just about finished when I go to stab a piece of crumpled paper, only for the breeze to kick up and carry it away.

"Son of a bitch," I curse, chasing after it. I'm not allowed to use magic except to move the poking stick, otherwise the job would be too easy. So I'm left to run the runaway piece of trash down, but when I'm just about ready to blast it out of the air it's snagged by the green glow of some pony's magic. I watch as it's brought down to earth, catching sight of an off-white unicorn mare with a lime green mane, chartreuse eyes, a Cutie Mark shaped like a cocoon with light streaming out as it opens and a smirk on her face.

"Lose something?" She asks, voice holding a teasing edge to it. I let out a sigh, relieved to not have to run after it but annoyed that I now have to thank her.

"Yeah, thanks," I say, reaching out to snatch it, only for it to jerk just out of reach. "Oh, ha ha. Give it here."

"Say please," she teases me again, holding it just out of reach. Great, a smartass.

"Please," I grunt out, holding my hoof out expectantly. She relents and lets me have it, the paper quickly stuffed into my bag. "Excuse me." I turn to go, only for her to fall into step beside me. "Did you want something?"

"Just curious about what you did to get garbage duty," she replies, tone still holding that odd edge of biting playfulness. "Did you sneak into the castle pantry?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," I say, which only serves to peak her interest.

"Oooo, something scandalous then," she purrs, sounding strangely pleased. "Walk in on Celestia preening then?" The word preening brings this morning back and I feel my cheeks heat up as a result. "Oh my goodness, did you seriously-?"

"No!" I swiftly deny it, stopping to confront her. "I didn't do anything like that!"

"Oh, of course you didn't," she says to placate me, though she obviously doesn't believe me. "So, stranger, what's your name?"

"Dusk Shade," I reply automatically, proceeding onward once more. "Now if you'll excuse-"

"I'm Nymphadora," she introduces herself without being prompted, interrupting me in the process. "I prefer Nymph, but," she winks at me saucily, "you can call me whatever you like~" Okay, mildly disturbed now.

"That's great, gotta go," I say abruptly, picking up the pace to lose her and it thankfully works, though she does get off a parting shot before I can make my escape.

"Catch you later, stud~"

0o0o0o0o0o0

Nymphadora watches "Dusk Shade" go, a smirk on her face as he heads over to a pair of "guards". Her eyes flash, her pupils shifting to slits for the briefest of moments as she licks her lips. So much negative energy...no wonder why her scouts had gotten so sick. She wasn't sure why he was out picking up garbage or why he was in disguise, but that was definitely the pony her dear children had dubbed the Destroyer. Artemis, prince of Equestria and one of the alicorns that had destroyed their home. She barely resists the urge to let out a hiss, deciding now would be a good time to leave for the time being. She would need to be careful with this one but she was certain, with time, that she could think of some way to worm her way into his guarded heart.

"And then these damnable ponies will pay," she hisses quietly, eyes changing again for a second as her emotions get the better of her. "No one, alicorn or otherwise, destroys my home and kills my children without paying the price."

Chapter 3: Where There's Smoke There's...A Dragon?!

"And you're certain these sources are reliable?" Queen Chrysalis asks one of the drones she'd sent to gather intelligence, standing in front of a mirror in the form of Nymphadora, scrutinizing the disguise closely. Every detail needed to be exact, down to the last hair, lest he grow suspicious because she'd gotten careless. "I recall being assured that your last intelligence report was accurate, yet he didn't even bat an eye at any of my attempts to get his attention." The drone swallows thickly, Chrysalis smirking at the sense of unease she feels from it. "You may relax, my child. As was brought to my attention, it was simply not the correct tactic." She takes a moment to brush out her mane. "I'm sure that, this time, your information will prove useful."

"Y-yes, my queen," the drone stutters nervously, heart beating rather fast at the moment. "If what the scouts have reported is correct, this tactic will prove quite effective." Or so it hopes. "Is there anything more that you require from me, my queen?"

"No, you may go," Chrysalis dismisses it, taking a deep breath once it is gone in an effort to steady her frayed nerves. She remembers gazing out into the distance that fateful day, seeing the light and feeling the heat even from such a great distance. The beam of pure sunlight had struck the spire dead on and she'd heard the screams of those of her children caught in the explosion that followed. She'd done what she could, the instinctive flaring of magic brought on by her drive to protect her hive the only thing that had spared them all from meeting the same fate. If Artemis had truly defeated the one to unleash such a destructive force, then she cannot afford to be reckless. One misstep and she could bring the wrath of The Destroyer down upon her children, a prospect that, even though she will never admit it to anyone, frightens her greatly.

"If I am to bring justice to the Sun Princess, I must be cunning," she reminds herself, putting on the barest amount of makeup, just enough to accentuate her eyes, which are apparently the best feature of this form, according to one of her infiltrators at least. "I must be determined and merciless." She takes another deep breath, smiling sweetly at her reflection. "He won't know what hit him~"

0o0o0o0o0o0

"I'm sorry." I blink stupidly as those words reach my ears, having been waiting for the past ten minutes for Nymphadora to show up, only idly picking up after the ponies who insisted on making a mess of the park on a regular basis when she finally did. This is not how I'd expected this to start out. Cadance had been rather insistent that I be the one to apologize when I saw Nymphadora again, yet here the mare is, apologizing to me instead. I look up, expecting the sky to have turned pink or something equally strange, but no, it's still blue. Guess it's just gonna be another one of those days.

"Listen, Nymph, you don't have to apologize," I tell her, though I'm not sure I actually believe that just yet. I mean, some of that stuff was borderline sexual harassment, but let's just set that aside for the time being. "I talked to a...friend recently and, well, if you hadn't just stolen the spotlight then I'd have apologized first."

"Wait, seriously?" Nymphadora sounds genuinely surprised. "What for?"

"'What for'?" Does she really not know or is she taking the piss out of me right now? "I was more than a little rude as I recall."

"But only because I was acting like a filly in the middle of her first estrus," she counters, and again, I'm left to boggle at her. Estrus? Mares here go into estrus? Why didn't anyone fucking tell me that?! Note to self: find out when estrus happens, secure a bolt hole and hide there until it passes. After barely resisting the urge to start retching at the thought of what that could end up meaning for me given how many mares I know, I clear my throat awkwardly.

"Erm, well, that aside, I guess what I'm trying to say is...want to start over?" Christ, this is cringe as fuck, and not just because of that whole bit about estrus being a thing. Sounds like something out of a smut novel, if I'm being perfectly honest. "Hi, I'm Dusk Shade," I reintroduce myself, holding out a hoof to her in greeting. "I'm kind of an asshole and a terrible conversationalist."

"Nice to meet you, Dusk," she replies, touching her hoof to mine with a soft chuckle. "My name is Nymphadora, but you can just call me Nymph." She smirks. "I have a hard time expressing myself and I more often than not end up putting my hoof in my mouth." We lower our hooves and I laugh despite myself. Am I really so desperate for any form of amusement that I actually found that little exchange of ours funny? Jesus, I seriously need to get out more often if that's the case.

"I guess we're both in good company then," I remark with my usual amount of dryness. "Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, I should probably get back to work."

"Want some help?" Nymph asks, moving to walk with me as I go about my business.

"Fairly sure the local constabulary would frown upon such a thing," I remark with the barest hint of insubordination coloring my tone. Except my chaperones seem to have vanished. Where the fuck did they go? "Okay, that's weird."

"What is?" Nymph asks, my lips pursing slightly as I look around for some sign of the two guards that should be watching me right now.

"My, erm, chaperones seem to have buggered off," I reply, unable to see any sign of, well, anyone as a matter of fact. Well, you know, expect the occasional pedestrian. "Don't get me wrong, it's kind of nice to not be under their scrutiny for once, but I don't think their captain will appreciate it as much."

"Such a shame," Nymph begins, totally not sounding like she means it. "Guess we'll just have to take advantage of their incompetence." She promptly levitates a balled up napkin into my bag. "Well?" Oh, right, I'm still kind of just standing around like a lump. Oh well, if Shining Armor bitches later I'll tell him to just deal with it. Not my fault his guards seem to be bad at their jobs. I follow after her, stabbing trash when I see it, pausing whenever she wants to put something in the bag. "That's a good probie~"

"Don't push it."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"Are you certain about this?" Luna asks Celestia carefully, the two of them in the elder sister's study at the moment. "I have briefly spoken with our...nephew and I am not sure that what you are proposing is a sound idea."

"Blueblood needs to have his world view changed, badly," Celestia points out, pausing to sip her tea before continuing. "Artemis doesn't have any of the filters that somepony else would and he will definitely turn our nephew's world on its head. Besides, didn't his therapist say he needs to socialize more?"

"...Tia, please tell me you are not receiving reports from Artemis's counselor," Luna pleads, disturbed by the prospect. "Is there not some law in this day and age that prohibits such a thing?"

"Is there?" Celestia plays innocent, Luna glaring at her in response, the sun princess then sighing softly. "I knew you'd disapprove, which is why I didn't bother saying anything."

"Then why do it in the first place?" Luna demands of her. "Celestia, if Artemis finds out that you are invading his right to privacy-"

"Luna." The way Celestia says her name has the younger alicorn freezing up out of instinct, the elder mare giving off an aura of "elder sister" as she gazes across the table at her. "I don't like doing this, believe me. But as much as I may wish otherwise, I must first think of the safety of our subjects above my own misgivings on the matter." She gazes down at her teacup, appearing rather solemn. "He may be a victim but he was also once one of the greatest threats this nation of ours has ever seen. I can't risk missing any sign of him slipping back into the darkness, not when so much is at stake."

"Then why do you not hold me to the same standard?" Luna is still quite bothered by this fact. "I tried to kill you, take the throne for my own, and then spent a thousand years twisting and molding an innocent being into a weapon to do it for me. Am I also not a possible threat in that case?" Celestia doesn't say anything at first, finishing her cup and meeting Luna's gaze again at last. The steel the younger mare sees in those normally kind eyes has her catching her breath in her throat.

"And who says that I don't?" Celestia asks in return, her tone carefully neutral. "Don't misunderstand this, Luna. I love you, more than anything else, but I am not some blind foal like you seem to think. I hate it, I hate even considering it, but the thought of you slipping and becoming the Nightmare again still wakes me up at night." She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "I have already devised a hundred strategies, plans and backups in case such a thing happens. You are even under near constant surveillance, whether you know it or not." She proceeds to lower her head, her ever flowing mane hiding her face from Luna's gaze. "I wish I could have just welcomed you home with open hooves, but instead I find myself worrying that the Elements didn't work, that you're just biding your time." She shudders. "And Artemis, by Faust, in my head I know that he isn't to blame for his crimes but I still can't help but be afraid. If the two of you ever decided to dethrone me...I know it is foalish, selfish, but the fear of it lingers despite my best intentions." Her withers begin to tremble, Luna giving a soft gasp as she realizes her sister is crying. "I am a terrible pony! I blame the victims when I should be the one held to account!"

"Tia," Luna says softly, moving around the table to sit next to her sister and hug her gently. "Oh, Tia, please, do not cry."

"I'm so sorry, Lulu," Celestia sobs quietly, turning into the embrace and leaning into her sister for support, a bit awkward given the size difference between them, not that Luna cares about that right now. "I couldn't...I couldn't help you when you needed me most and even now, when you've finally come home, all I can think about again is my precious duty." She hiccups and hugs her sister back tightly. "And then there's Artemis." She shudders. "Faust above, Luna, of all the names, why did it have to be that one?"

"Because I knew that it would hurt you," Luna replies honestly, though she wishes she could have done otherwise. "I knew that you would likely still blame yourself and that giving him that name would serve to remind you of your perceived failures." She grimaces. "I was such a wretched creature that even the smallest fraction of pain I could cause you gave me no end of satisfaction. Forgive me, sister."

"For what?" Celestia sniffles a bit, glad that no one besides Luna can see her like this. "You had every right to blame me for it, too. And what did I do afterward?" She finds herself gritting her teeth. "I left you to suffer in silence while hiding myself in my work instead of doing what a good sister should."

"Where did this complex of yours arise from?" Luna asks in wonderment. "You are not made of stone, Celestia, nor are you able to shoulder all the weight of this world alone."

"Some would argue otherwise," Celestia remarks, starting to calm down finally. "Is the idea really all that terrible? It would be a good learning experience for them both." The sudden change in subject throws Luna off but she decides to let the matter rest for the time being.

"Blueblood is likely to faint the moment Artemis unleashes that scathing tongue of his," she replies, chuckling at the thought. "Our nephew is far too delicate for my liking, so it is possible that such an encounter could serve to toughen the little fop up a bit." She thinks it over a bit more before continuing. "Perhaps, however, they should not meet just yet. I do not see it ending well."

"Okay," Celestia says simply, pulling back from their embrace and using a kerchief to dry her eyes. "You're probably right."

"Doth mine ears deceive me?" Luna puts on a show of being shocked. "Is the great Celestia, guiding light of Equestria, admitting to being wrong?"

"I never said that I was wrong," Celestia points out, sniffing delicately. "Only that you might be right." They can't maintain the facade for long, though, and soon break down into a fit of giggles, both feeling a great deal better for having had this little heart to heart. "More tea, Lulu?"

"Oh, yes, please."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"You know, I'm not sure what I was expecting when I woke up today," I mutter, sitting on my balcony with a steaming cup of coffee held in my telekinetic grip, "but it sure as fuck wasn't this." I blink at the column of inky black smoke as it crawls its way across the sky, snaking its way in the general direction of Ponyville. "Even for a world of magical, talking, miniature horses, I doubt this is normal." It's been only a few days since my strange encounter with Nymphadora, who seems to be bipolar, though I'm no psychiatrist, and I'd been hoping for some relative normalcy over the next few days. "So much for that."

"So much for what?" I just about jump a foot in the air, a sound reminiscent of the quadrupedal animal I now resemble escaping me as hot coffee sloshes everywhere.

"Ow, Christ, son of a bitch!" I curse as some lands on me, because of course it would. "Doesn't anyone fucking know how to knock?!" I demand, glaring at whoever would dare to invade my inner sanctum without an invitation. Unsurprisingly, it's Cadance, who is giggling behind one hoof. "Oh, yes, laugh it up, princess. I'm sure watching someone scald themselves is simply hilarious."

"Sorry," she says while not sounding the least bit apologetic. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I grumble, wiping at the stain on my coat with one hoof, having to finally resort to the cleansing charm in order to remove it. "You're kinda early today." And overly sneaky for someone so garishly colored. "So, what's up?"

"You've been summoned," Cadance informs me. "Auntie Celestia has requested your presence in the throne room. Something important I think."

"Joy," I groan, downing the rest of my coffee, grimacing as it burns my throat. Alicorn healing and an insane tolerance for pain for the win. "Okay," I wheeze once I'm finished. "Let's get going."

0o0o0o0o0o0

I have to admit that I feel more than a little nervous, gazing up at the double doors leading into the throne room. The last time I had been inside there...Christ, my heart is pounding and I'm sweating like crazy. I can't do this, I can't-

"Artemis?" Cadance's voice cuts through my rising panic, causing me to jump in surprise. "Are you okay?" Fuck no! That's what I want to say, at least.

"Y-yes, I'm fine," I lie instead, knowing I can't avoid this forever. "Showtime." I stand on my hind legs and push the doors open, grunting as it takes a bit more effort than I first expected. Still, they swing open with the low groan of old hinges, announcing our presence to the entire hall. Fortunately it's mostly empty, save for Celestia and her guards, who seem to go on high alert at my appearance. No surprise there, given I killed a bunch of their friends and comrades. I find myself glancing upwards at where I'd made my entrance, the damage long since repaired and any signs of the violence committed here having been swept away in the process. It feels wrong to me that there isn't some sign, some indication of my crimes left for all to see, yet I know that's just my sense of guilt talking.

"Artemis," Celestia greets me warmly, her smile seeming to light up the room, though all it did for me was make me feel even more uncomfortable. "I see Cadance was successful in prying you away from your coffee." I shoot Cadance an irritated look, the young princess having at least enough sense to look embarrassed about causing me to burn myself. "Now, now, you mustn't blame our dear niece. I wouldn't have had her call you here if it wasn't important."

"Does it have anything to do with that black cloud I saw out there?" I ask, finding myself curious despite my reservations.

"It does indeed," Celestia confirms it, stepping off of her throne and making her way down the staircase leading up to it and two others, likely those of Luna and Cadance. I note that hers is set slightly higher than theirs, filing that little tidbit away for later consideration. "A dragon has taken up residence in a cave upon a nearby mountain. The smoke is a byproduct of the dragon's snoring." Her smile has become a severe looking frown at this point. "If it is not convinced to leave, it could blanket Equestria in a fog of smoke for the next hundred years." I blink at her for a few moments, digesting this bit of news slowly, as I'm still rather tired. Not getting my full dose of caffeine will do that.

"And you're telling me this because...?" Seriously, she doesn't expect me to do something about it, does she? Wait, she's smiling again, like I asked the right question. Not good.

"I want you to lead an attempt to negotiate with the dragon and persuade it to make its nest elsewhere," she informs me, only a great effort of will keeping my jaw from hitting the floor as a result. She can't be serious. I mean, I know it's a bad situation, but sending me? To talk to it?

"You're crazy," I blurt out before I can stop myself, the nearby guards bristling, not that I really care about offending them. Honestly, I've already blown my first impression, so how much worse can their opinion of me get? "I can't...you're...no way!"

"I will not force you to go," Celestia tells me, though I can hear a "but" coming any second now. "Though I do hope you will reconsider. I understand your reservations and, believe me, if I did not think this would benefit you then I would not wish you to go."

"And how is confronting a dragon going to help me?" I ask, not exactly happy with her right now, no shock there. "You're basically sending a gas can to put out a fire, you know that right?" I can tell she doesn't quite get the analogy, as ponies haven't learned how to refine oil yet, but I think I get my message across. "Why not send Luna to do it? She seems more stable than I am right now!" She giggles, she actually fucking giggles at me. "And what, pray tell, is so goddamn funny?"

"Luna is going to be part of the expedition, of course," Celestia tells me, which only makes this go from "bad idea" to "terrible idea" in my opinion. "You need an escort to travel beyond Canterlot and getting outside the palace would do you both a great deal of good." What in the name of Baby Jesus makes her think that?! "There are, of course, risks involved and I know the two of you are still...having issues, but I also know that, together, you can settle this peacefully." Mischief is in her eyes again. I hate it when she gets like this. "Besides, you won't exactly be alone with her."

"And who in God's name is crazy enough to want to go face down a dragon with two of the most damaged ponies in Equestria?"

0o0o0o0o0o0

"This has to be the stupidest idea your sister has ever had," I grumble from my seat next to Luna, the two of us riding in a chariot pulled by a quartet of pegasi. Our destination? Ponyville. Why? Because fuck me, that's why!

"I must admit that I find myself questioning Celestia's motives," Luna admits, nursing a travel mug, likely filled with heavily doctored coffee. "But she would not be sending the Bearers without a reason."

"Or she's just a fucking sociopath," I say, ignoring the stink eye I get from one of our pilots. "Six young mares with no combat or negotiation experience being sent to confront a fully grown dragon of unknown temperament, with two of the worst candidates for bringing about a peaceful resolution to things acting as escort is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. Either I'm seriously missing some crucial piece of information or she's simply just that crazy."

"I know that your opinion of her is poor at best," Luna begins, understating things greatly, I might add, "but our sister is no foal. She must believe us capable of handling this, otherwise we would not be going at all. The same can be said of the Element Bearers, who should not be underestimated."

"It's not a matter of underestimating them," I argue. "They stopped us, great, but if I hadn't had a sudden crisis of conscience they would all be dead. This dragon, if it decides to, can easily eat them alive."

"Which is why we are to escort them," Luna points out, our chariot starting its descent. "Do not tell me you doubt your ability to protect them should the worst happen." My silence speaks volumes. "Artemis-"

"This will be my first time since our defeat that I'll be using magic more powerful than a simple levitation spell outside of a controlled environment," I tell her quietly, our chariot setting down as I speak. "If I lose control-"

"You will not," Luna states firmly, surprising me with her conviction. "You are not the same being that I twisted into a weapon, Artemis. Such a stallion would not be concerned with the consequences of failure, nor would they take the safety of others into account." She strokes a wing down my back in a soothing gesture. "Now, cease this pointless fretting. We have arrived." The chariot comes to a halt, my gaze taking in the familiar sights of Ponyville's town center, the town hall and library in particular catching my eye.

"You know, I've been meaning to ask you something," I say as she steps off of the chariot. "You know what happened to me when we both got blasted by the Elements, but I don't have any idea what happened to you." She gazes back at me curiously. "You're not exactly the cackling madmare that I lived with for a thousand years anymore. So, tell me, what changed?"

"I was granted an epiphany," Luna replies, head turning to face front once again. "For now that is all I shall say on the subject." Not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but I guess it'll have to do for now. We have shit to do, so it's best we just get to it.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Now, there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for why five grown mares are currently huddled behind a table like a bunch of scared fillies. You see, we were told we would be meeting the Element Bearers inside the Golden Oak Library, so of course we headed over and knocked but received no answer. Naturally this led us to open the door, only to be met with the sound of a miniature explosion. Now, um, this is a bit embarrassing to admit, but my reflexes kicked in and I may have blasted the source of the noise even as the two of us were showered with confetti. My retaliation was met by frightened shrieks and the sound of scrambling hooves and, well, now we're here and I've managed to scar my saviors for life. Great.

"Uh...hi?" I greet them awkwardly, bits of confetti and streamers hanging from my ears and horn. I glance at the culprit, sitting behind Luna's hastily erected shield, one Pinkie Pie. Is that a cannon? Where did she get a cannon? Is it even legal for ponies to own cannons? Do I even want to know? "S-sorry, I, you know...shit." Ugh, this is exactly why I told Celestia that this is a terrible idea! "I told her this was stupid."

"Relax," Luna urges me, lowering her shield while Pinkie blinks at us owlishly. "I doubt anyone could have anticipated us to be ambushed by...confetti." She grimaces as she picks bits of the shiny stuff out of her mane. "No one is injured, so please, just-"

"Ohmygosh!" Pinkie Pie was just suddenly standing in front of us, bouncing on the tips of her hooves. "I was like, surprise, and you were all, kablewy, and Luna totally went like, saved ya!" She giggles, leaving me to question her sanity. Again. "Wow, you sure need to get out more." I gave her my best deadpan stare, but she remains unmoved by my displeasure. "I guess instead of King Meany I shoulda called you King Grumpy." Luna chuckles, becoming the next target of my ire, but just like Pinkie she is also unimpressed. I miss being scary. "Hey, why are you all hiding back there?" Gee, I wonder. It couldn't be the homicidal alicorn in their midst, right?

"Maybe I should just go," I mutter, shaking my head to remove the last of the confetti and streamers. "I'm only going to make things worse if I stay."

"That. Was. So awesome!" Rainbow Dash suddenly cheers, interrupting my departure as she bursts out from behind the table, hovering in the air with the biggest grin on her face. "Hey, Twilight, why can't you make things explode like that?"

"Probably because it makes a big ol' mess," Applejack observes dryly, stepping out from hiding next. "You alright there, pardner? Yer lookin' kinda pale." Oh, you know, just doing what a weapon does, that's all. No big deal.

"Him? What about Pinkie Pie?" This from Rarity, who takes a moment to dust herself off. "He nearly burned the poor dear to a crisp!" I feel my ears droop as I look away, feeling pretty bad about it as one might imagine. "I-I mean, well, I'm sure you didn't mean to, darling, but you really must be more careful." Does she think I don't already know that? "Anyway, Pinkie is fine and so are we, so I suppose we should just let bygones be bygones." Should we? I'm not so sure about that. "Um...oh, Fluttershy, dear, please stop clinging to my tail so." Indeed, the buttery yellow pegasus is trying to use the unicorn's elegantly styled tail as a hiding place now that they've all decided to leave the cover of the table.

"S-sorry," Fluttershy apologizes meekly, ducking back and refusing to even look in my general direction. "D-d-do we really have to do this? I-I mean, isn't this more of a job for, you know, the royal guard?" A fair point, but clearly Celestia doesn't share this timid little mare's sense of wisdom.

"I understand that you're worried, Fluttershy, but this is a request from the princess," Twilight points out, having joined the others finally. "You don't want to let her down, do you?" Oh, great, guilt trip the poor thing. I can see that Twilight has learned a lot from her time as Celestia's student.

"Hey, if she doesn't want to go, then she doesn't have to," I interject, Fluttershy doing her best to appear smaller now that she's the center of attention. "Personally I don't think any of you should, but that's not my call."

"What?!" Rainbow Dash gets right in my face, indignation clear as she glares at me from inches away. "Are you saying you don't think we can cut it?"

"That's not what I meant," I reply calmly, not wanting to have to deal with a bruised ego on top of everything else. "Fluttershy has a point. This isn't going to be a picnic, you know."

"We can handle it," Rainbow assures me, her confidence bordering on foolishness. "I mean, we handled you, didn't we?"

"Now hold on there," Applejack intercedes before I can light into the athletic pegasus with a scathing remark. "Back then we had the Elements and, well, he wasn't exactly doing his best to hurt us, neither." Finally, someone with some sense. "That said, yer highness, we can't sit this one out just because it's dangerous. Equestria needs us and Ah, fer one, ain't fixin' ta let everypony down." Oh, wonderful, a patriot.

"I, for one, am grateful for such devotion to our nation," Luna says, smiling at Applejack kindly. "But are you all certain of this? Artemis is correct that this will be quite dangerous and, while we will do our best, we cannot guarantee your safety." I'm now agreeing with Luna on something. What is this strange world coming to?

"Well, much as I dislike the thought of such a messy endeavor as climbing a mountain," Rarity remarks, nose wrinkling in disgust, "I must agree with Applejack. We would all regret it, I'm sure, if we could help, only to sit back and do nothing while others act in our stead."

"And I've never seen a fully grown dragon before!" Pinkie Pie exclaims, excited to see something that is likely capable of eviscerating her with a single flick of its claws. Oi vey. "I am super duper excited!" She lets out a spectacularly overly dramatic gasp. "Oh, hey, do you think dragons like parties? We could throw him a house warming party!"

"Except we're, you know, kicking him out," Rainbow Dash points out in an attempt to burst her bubble.

"Then we can throw him a going away party!" Yet Pinkie Pie remains undaunted by such a trifling thing as logic. "I need to get more party supplies!" And she's rushing out the door in a blur of pink, leaving the rest of us to marvel at the swiftness of her departure.

"Well, um, while I'm not sure how helpful party supplies will be, I think we should follow Pinkie's example and stock up on some supplies of our own for the trip," Twilight reasons, walking over to one of the many bookshelves and browsing the library's collection. "We can meet back here in twenty minutes. I mean, if that's okay with you, Prince Artemis, Princess Luna." I look at Luna, who nods, and let out a weary sigh before following suit. I just know I'm going to end up regretting this.

0o0o0o0o0o0

We're not even an hour into our little misadventure and we're already behind schedule. Why? Because Twilight insisted that Fluttershy come along, as her natural empathy with animals could come in handy. Or so she claims. Not sure a dragon qualifies as an animal, but then again what does in a society of talking ponies, cows, donkeys and who the fuck knows what else? Fluttershy, as it turns out, is not only deathly afraid of full grown dragons, but also heights. A pegasus that's afraid of heights. Takes all kinds, I guess. So, as a result of having to drag and push the frightened mare along, we've made far less progress than I had hoped we would.

"Seriously, why couldn't she have let her stay home?" Rainbow Dash's complaint mirrors my thoughts, though I imagine for different reasons than my own. "She's just slowing us down." Called it.

"We'll just have to trust her judgement," I say, though I'm not exactly convinced myself. "Try to be patient."

"Ugh, but waiting is so boring," the mare groans in response and I find myself chuckling despite the serious nature of our mission. "So...what have you been up to since, you know, we blasted you with the Elements?"

"Oh, you know, adjusting," I reply, steadily making my way further up the trail. "I have a lot to learn about this world of yours and, well, yeah that's about it."

"Sounds like a total drag," Rainbow says and she's not wrong. My reeducation has been painful, even at the best of times, and not just because I'm still learning how to read Equish. "Do you ever get to do anything fun?"

"Not really." My schedule is a little too full for fun, even if I was willing to try and have it. "I've been keeping fairly busy, so there's no real time for it."

"No time for fun?!" I stumble as Pinkie Pie injects herself into the conversation from out of nowhere. "Everypony should make time in their day for fun!"

"You girls seem to be forgetting something," I point out, tone flat as I continue to plod along. "I'm a criminal. Criminals don't get to have fun while serving their punishments."

"But everypony needs to have fun now and then," Pinkie protests, seemingly horrified by this revelation. "I know! Once we get back to Ponyville, I'm gonna throw everypony a 'Congratulations for Saving Equestria from the Dragon's Snoring' party!"

"Except I'll be back in Canterlot," I remind the peppy pink mare. Does she have an off switch? I'm starting to get a headache.

"You can't keep avoiding my parties, mister," Pinkie declares, moving to cut me off and staring me right in the eye. "One day I'm gonna throw you the biggest party anypony has ever seen and that's a promise!" She goes through the motions of crossing her heart, flapping her forelegs like wings and finally covering one eye with a hoof. "Count on it!" She then goes back to hopping along, humming some merry tune as she goes.

"Should I be concerned?" I ask Rainbow Dash quietly, feeling mildly disturbed.

"Maybe?" Dash replies uncertainly. "It's sometimes hard to tell with her." Wonderful. Just wonderful. "Hey, don't worry about it so much. Pinkie's parties are always off the hook." She lightly punches my shoulder with one hoof in a playful gesture. "Catch ya later~!" She then pulls ahead of the pack once more, doing little loops in the air in an effort to amuse herself.

"That confirms it," I mutter to myself. "Ponies are fucking insane."

0o0o0o0o0o0

I take several deep breaths in an effort to calm myself, having just had to rescue, with help from Luna, the six mares we've been escorting for the past few hours up the side of this god forsaken mountain. I'm not sure what happened to spook Fluttershy enough to make her scream like that, but we're damn lucky no one was hurt. The only reason I'm not shouting the girl into oblivion is the mere fact she looks like a kicked puppy, likely because of feeling guilty about causing this whole mess.

"Okay," I say at last, glancing around to make sure that everyone is, in fact, alright. "No one's hurt, so let's just move on and-" I stop myself as I realize that the path has been blocked. "Son of a bitch." I close my eyes and count to ten, knowing that screaming won't help and will instead likely just cause another avalanche. "Okay, well, no big deal. We'll just have to climb over it." It takes some doing, but we make it over, though Fluttershy manages to slip on the way down the other side, bringing down Rarity and Pinkie Pie with her. I wonder what I should have Luna write in the report that Celestia is likely going to want. Took hours to reach the cave because of unruly mares? Let them all get eaten due to frustration? Somehow I doubt that would fly.

"Still think it was a good idea to bring Fluttershy along?" Rainbow Dash asks Twilight in a whisper, though I still manage to catch it.

"We're about to find out," Twilight replies, and she's right, because we've arrived at the cave. Finally. The cave is, of course, massive, as it would need to be in order to accommodate a fully grown dragon. The smoke billowing from the opening in a steady, thick plume. Then Twilight begins detailing her "plan". "Rainbow Dash, you'll use your wings to clear the smoke." Okay, makes sense, as pegasi can manipulate air currents. "Rarity, Pinkie Pie, you two will create a diversion in case things get a little hairy in there." Wait, what? Where did Pinkie get a rubber chicken? No, nevermind that, because this is turning into a terrible idea! "Applejack-"

"Hold it," I interject, rubbing a temple with one hoof, my headache growing steadily worse. "You'll have to forgive me, but how are they supposed to distract a dragon without getting themselves...hurt?" No need to freak them out any more than I have to. "Also, you're forgetting something." I gesture between Luna and myself. "We're here in case things go south. No need to come up with some hare brained scheme when you have two perfectly good demigods on your side." Luna clears her throat delicately.

"While he put it far more bluntly than I care for," she begins diplomatically, "Artemis, again, brings up a fair point. The two of us will be more than enough to distract the beast long enough for you ladies to escape should things turn violent." She offers them a disarming smile. "But I am certain it will not come to that." Ha, says you. I bet twenty bits things will go tits up within the next five minutes.

"Oh, right." Twilight looks properly admonished. "Well, um...okay, Fluttershy and I can talk to him and hopefully, between the two of us, we can convince him to leave." Oh, this is going to be amazing, I can tell already. Especially since Fluttershy looks ready to bolt any second now. "I mean, you know, if that's okay with you." Twilight is pawing the ground with one hoof, looking to me for approval. How cute.

"Sure, why not?" I reply with a shrug. Twilight starts trotting inside, Luna following, while Fluttershy, no surprise, stays crouched near her friends. God, I feel bad for getting angry at her now. I walk over to her, the mare squeaking at my approach, which causes me to sigh. "Relax. I just wanted to say that, if you don't want to, you don't have to go in. We can handle this." I offer her a smile. "So no worries, okay?" She peers up at me uncertainly for a few moments before giving the tiniest of nods. "Alright, it's show time." I then trot off after Twilight and Luna, catching up within the tunnel leading from the cave's entrance. The dragon, as it turns out, isn't hard to find. There's only the one tunnel and there he is, sleeping on a gigantic pile of gold, jewels and other treasures.

"Okay, Flutter-wait, where is she?" Twilight asks, as Fluttershy obviously isn't present.

"I told her that she could wait outside," I inform the lavender unicorn, who stares at me in open mouthed shock. "What did you expect from her, exactly? The mare is obviously terrified and won't be able to help in her present condition."

"B-but we need her to-" Twilight stops herself as Luna shakes her head. "Princess?"

"Dame Fluttershy is a gentle soul," the princess of the moon says. "I would not see her be harmed due to fear robbing her of her senses. We shall simply have to deal with this dragon ourselves."

"Alright then." Twilight takes a moment, likely to settle her nerves, and approaches the dragon, Luna and I keeping a close watch on the massive beast, just in case. "Excuse me?" She calls to it, the dragon not so much as twitching in response. Deep sleeper, I guess. So she tried again, louder this time, and managed to get a reaction. One eye opened slightly and she began to try to open a dialogue, only for the rude creature to blast us with a cloud of the most noxious smoke I have ever had the displeasure of smelling in my entire life.

"Oh, ugh, God!" I gag, my eyes watering and nostrils burning. "It's like a rancid fart wrapped in rotten eggs and mixed with cat piss!" I flap my wings, clearing the immediate area, my companions currently too busy coughing and retching to say much. "Hey, Smaug!" I shout, rapping the floor with one hoof to get the dragon's attention. "Wake up, you asshole!" I'm done after that little display of bitchiness. This, naturally, gets the dragon up, a rumbling sound echoing through the cavern as its eyes focus on me. "Yeah, I'm talking to you. Now I don't care how cranky you are, but you're kind of polluting our air with your rancid ass snoring. You need to pack your shit and move." I glance to the side where Twilight and Luna look to be recovering, deciding to try to be at least slightly diplomatic. "Please." The response is immediate and less than favorable.

"Go away!" He roars, the sheer volume shaking the cavern as he expels a column of more nasty smoke, this time with enough force behind it to send us tumbling out of the cave, down the tunnel and out the entrance to crash into our waiting companions, who fall like pony shaped bowling pins.

"Ew, what is that smell?" I hear Rarity whine, my vision coming slowly back into focus as my eyes stop spinning in their sockets.

"Dragon breath," I groan, disentangling myself from the others, who take a few moments to collect themselves. Luna, once she's back on her hooves, looks furious.

"That overgrown salamander!" She exclaims, straightening her crown and glaring at the cave mouth. "I shall bring his entire cave down upon his head!" Again, I find myself agreeing with her. Today is so weird.

"Whoa there," Applejack steps in front of the, admittedly justifiably, angry princess. "Sorry for, um, steppin' in like this, yer highness, but ain't we supposed to resolve this all peaceful like?" Party pooper. Luna takes a deep breath and lets it out in a sigh.

"You are, of course, correct," she replies, though not like she's happy about it. "We shall simply have to-"

"Oh, come on!" Rainbow Dash is above us, looking rather disgruntled herself. "This guy clearly isn't gonna listen to reason, so I say we take care of this the old fashioned way!" She then takes off like a bullet for the cave.

"Rainbow Dash!" Luna tries to stop her, but the mare is already gone.

"This ought to be good," I mutter, waiting to see what happens. Not long after Dash enters, we all hear the dragon's infuriated roar, followed by the pegasus being sent flying by another gout of smoke. She hits a small pile of rocks with a resounding crash, groaning weakly as she borders on the edge of falling unconscious. The ground shakes, again and again, the dragon's footsteps heavy and ponderous, the creature soon emerging from the cave with murder in its eyes. "Well, so much for negotiations." I turn my head towards the others. "Scatter!" The last thing I need to see is these girls being immolated by dragon fire. "Over here, ugly!" I taunt it, taking to the air and firing a concussive blast at its face. Granted this does little more than annoy it, but at least I now have its attention.

"Little gnat!" It snarls, taking a swipe at me with its claws. I swerve around its strike, smirking as adrenaline brings on an all too familiar rush. I need to be careful, though. Losing control now, of all times, would be very, very bad. If the dragons in this world are anything like their fantasy counterparts in mine, this isn't going to be an easy fight. There's no telling how tough its scales are, what sort of abilities it has or whether or not it can breathe more than just fire. I really need to polish up my reading skills so I can do some research, if I survive that is. There are other things to consider as well, but there's no time to think. It takes another swipe and I feel the air of it as it misses me by scant inches. I fly down the length of its arm, straight at its face, and unleash a more powerful blast at point blank range. It's head rocks back, though there's no sign I actually hurt it. I glance downwards, the girls watching in awe. "Why are you still here?!"

"Artemis!" Luna calls to me, but I get distracted by the dragon trying to snap me up in its jaws. I fly around to the back of its head, striking hard at where the base of its skull meets it neck. It roars in pain but hardly even staggers. This is going to be rough, especially since I don't have even half the power I used to when I was joined with Nightmare Moon. Fortunately Luna has decided to join in on the fight, flying around as the dragon regains its bearings, peppering its face with miniature blasts meant to confuse and disorientate it. "Twilight Sparkle!" Luna takes a moment to address her sister's student while I fly around the dragon's head to keep it busy, dodging a burst of fire that singes my feathers. "Take the others down the mountain! Artemis and I shall deal with this beast!"

"Nasty little ponies," the dragon growls, taking a swipe at Luna for calling it a beast. "I'll crush you all!" It's calling us nasty when it was rude in the first place, what a joke. Although I'm not sure what Rainbow Dash did in order to piss it off enough to attack. Maybe if we can subdue it we can get it to calm down. It's worth a shot, at least. While it's still focused on Luna I swing down low by its legs, a cord of magical force shooting from my horn to loop around one of them. I fly around both legs once, twice, and a third time to make sure it's well and truly tangled, then plant my hooves and wait. It doesn't take long for the dragon to try and pursue Luna further, my grin fierce as the cord pulls taut. Veins bulge in my legs and neck as I struggle against its strength, sweat pouring down my face as the magic I used to anchor myself holds me in place.

"This was a bad idea," I hiss, feeling my muscles tearing and bones cracking from the strain. Still, it goes down, hard, landing with a thunderous crash, the girls having to scatter in order to avoid being crushed. Christ, why are they still here? Doesn't anyone know how to follow instructions? Luna takes the initiative while I raggedly pant for breath, using magical constructs to bolt the dragon's arms in place. I let the cord dissipate and try to catch my breath, my whole body shaking as the adrenaline drains out of me, leaving me feeling exhausted. But I forget one crucial detail. The dragon's tail. One second I'm standing there, trying to recover, and the next the tree-trunk of a limb smacks into me from behind, launching me into the six girls, who had begun to regroup after the dragon was felled. I'm left laying atop one of them, unable to move, most of my bones broken and one of my lungs collapsed. Shit, this really, really hurts.

"Oh no," I hear someone gasp, though I can't see past the darkness threatening to swallow my vision to see who it is. "How...how dare you?" What's going on? "HOW DARE YOU?!" Someone is seriously pissed off, that's for sure. "Now listen here, mister. Just because you're bigger than someone doesn't give you the right to act like a bully!" Damn, who is that? My respect for them has just grown by leaps and bounds. "You may have huge teeth, sharp scales, snore smoke and breathe fire but you do not, I repeat, you do NOT hurt! My! Friends!" Whoa. Feisty. Wait, is that Fluttershy's voice? "You got that?" Did the dragon just whimper? Seriously? "Well?"

"B-but that rainbow one kicked me a-and those two hurt me," the dragon protests meekly, my vision slowly coming into focus. Fluttershy, wow, it's actually her, is standing on the dragon's snout, glaring into its eyes with the sternest look ever on her face.

"And I am very sorry about that," the normally subdued mare apologizes on our behalf. "But you're bigger and stronger than they are and you should really know better." But she's not done yet, folks. "You should also know better than to take a nap where your snoring can become a hazard to other creatures." During this time the pony I'm on top of has taken to cradling me, checking over my injuries with their magic. Twilight? Rarity? Luna maybe? I roll my eyes upwards to see Twilight, looking really, really pale. I must look quite the mess at the moment.

"Don't move," she urges me quietly while Fluttershy continues to give the dragon what for. "Oh, sweet Celestia, you're hurt really badly, Prince Artemis." No shit, kid. "We need to get you down to Ponyville General right away!" I try to assure her that I'll be fine, but all I can do is wheeze at the moment.

"He will be alright, Lady Sparkle," Luna assures her, looking a little roughed up but no worse for wear. "Alicorns are extremely difficult to kill and his body is likely already repairing the damage this brute did to it." Yeah, I can feel my bones shifting back into place. Not the most comfortable of sensations, but it beats waiting months on end for them to heal. "Dame Fluttershy has shown more courage than I had expected from her. I suppose this just goes to show that you truly should not judge a book by its cover." Seriously, who would have figured a mare scared of her own shadow would have such spunk hidden inside of her? I catch a glimpse of the dragon leaving, our job here done apparently. "Rest now, Artemis. You have earned it." I close my eyes as I feel her magic washing over me, easing the pain. Rest sounds really good right about now, actually, so I don't think I'll argue with her about it.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Celestia breathes a sigh of relief as she watches the dragon fly into the distance, allowing herself to relax at last. She'd been on edge ever since Artemis and Luna had departed, questioning herself over the decision to send them along with the Element Bearers for this mission instead of someone more suited to the task. At the time she had reasoned that it would be an excellent learning experience for them all, but what if she had been wrong? What if they got hurt or Artemis lost control? In the end her fears seem to have been proven unjustified and she waits, expecting a certain letter from her student. It arrives within the hour by magical dragon fire and she takes her time reading it. The lesson was indeed a valuable one, though she cannot help feeling guilty upon reading that Artemis was injured. Apparently things had looked rather bleak until Fluttershy stepped up to the proverbial plate.

"I suppose I'll have to apologize to him later," she says quietly, the scroll vanishing with a soft pop of magical energy being expended, gone to join the others she has received so far. "I can already hear him telling me that he told me so." She chuckles softly, though her mirth is short lived. "Am I really doing the right thing?" She gazes upon the distant shape of Ponyville, little more than a blur of color at this distance. "No, I must have faith. Twilight and the others are strong." She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and once again finds her resolve. "They need to be for the days ahead. For all of our sakes."

Author's Note

And that closes the latest installment of Finding Artemis. As always, I hope you all enjoyed reading and I'll see you again next time. Till then, have a nice day :twilightsmile:

Huge shout outs, of course, to all my Patrons, including Calamababa, Canary In The Coal Mine, Noah Brown and Robert Prime. Shameless self promotion, away~! https://www.patreon.com/Crensler

Chapter 4: Memory Is A Bitch And The Party I Didn't Want

"Arty, come on, keep up!" Who is that? "You're gonna miss it!" What's going on here?

"Wait up!" I feel my mouth move, but that's not my voice. Way too young and why can't I see anything?

"Arty's a slow poke, Arty's a slow poke!" Another voice, even younger than the first.

"Tia, Lu's making fun of me again!" What the fuck? Is this another of those memory things Luna talked about? Damn it, as if I don't have enough problems!

"Behave you two," "Tia" admonishes us and my vision begins to clear. I'm standing on a hill at night, staring out over a small gathering of what look like a bunch of unicorns in elaborate robes, standing upon some sort of giant mystical array that I can't even begin to work out. "It's starting soon and I don't wanna get caught because you two are acting like brats."

"You're so boring, Tia," I taunt her, turning my head to see a white unicorn filly with a pink mane, taller than me, and I feel myself blowing a raspberry at her.

"I am not!" She protests, looking rather cross at the accusation. "Now hush, it's starting." I look down at the unicorns and watch as, in unison, they light their horns. The array lights up and the moon begins to move, lowering below the horizon. We turn as light shines behind us, the three of us, I caught a glimpse of the filly that looks like Luna, reacting with awe at the sight of the sun as it rises.

"One day, me and Tia are gonna do that," Lu, Luna, whatever, remarks, still in awe. I find myself shifting uncomfortably, my wings shuffling at my sides.

"I wish I could help," I mutter sullenly and I feel my ears folding down against my head. Am I a pegasus in this memory? And, again, why am I seeing it from this perspective if it's Luna's memory? Ugh, more questions and not enough answers. I feel Tia, Celestia, nudge me lightly and I look up at her to see her smiling.

"You help us every day, silly," she says, giving me a little nuzzle and kiss on the top of my head. Who am I to them? "You don't need to be a unicorn to be special, Arty. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"He's been out for awhile." Wait, what? I was...what was I doing? And why do I feel like crap? "Maybe we should, I dunno, get a doctor or something."

"It's only been an hour, Dash." Do I know these voices? Ugh, my head is killing me. "Princess Luna said that he'll be okay, so we shouldn't have anything to be concerned about."

"Well, he was kinda, you know, smacked pretty hard." Was I? Wait, yeah, I remember...I remember being hurt. The dragon! My eyes open and I see Rainbow Dash standing watching over me, with Twilight sitting in a nearby chair, an open book in the grip of her magic. "Oh, hey, he's awake."

"Yes, 'he' is," I grunt, finding myself on someone's bed, my entire body aching as I stir from under the covers. "I take it I wasn't imagining things and that we actually succeeded?"

"Yes, Fluttershy was able to convince the dragon to leave," Twilight replies, shutting her book while Rainbow takes a few steps back in order to give me some space. Fluttershy...yeah, I remember, she basically bitched it out to the point it up and left. I've said it before and I'll say it again: ponies are fucking strange. "How are you feeling?"

"Like hammered shit," I reply, Twilight grimacing at my use of profanity. I'm a cantankerous old man, so sue me, kid. "Where am I?"

"You're in the library," Rainbow informs me. "Twi's room." I look around, noticing the decor for the first time. Yeah, someone definitely likes books. "You sure you should be getting up? I mean, I'm pretty sure anypony else would be in traction after the hit you took."

"Alicorn healing," I explain, stretching as I step off the bed, wincing when my joints pop in the process. "As long as we have enough magic left, we can recover from almost anything. Granted, doesn't make it hurt any less, but it sure comes in handy."

"I'm glad you're okay," Twilight says, placing her book on a nearby shelf and offering me a relieved smile. "You looked...bad when we brought you down from the mountain." She shifts in her seat, eyes dropping to the floor as her ears droop a bit. "Princess Luna assured us you'd recover but, well-"

"Twi was freaking out pretty hard," Rainbow interrupted with a laugh, Twilight glaring at the pegasus with reddened cheeks. "She kept checking your temperature and stuff and-"

"Like you were any better!" Twilight protests. "Who was it that wanted to go grab Nurse Redheart again?"

"H-hey, that was before Luna said he'd be okay," Rainbow responds, acting like a total tsundere in the process. How adorable. "I mean, you practically insisted we bring him here so he could be more 'comfortable'."

"And what's wrong with that?" Twilight asks, her blush darkening somewhat. "Should I have just left him on the couch?"

"You could have given him the guest bed," Rainbow points out, smirking as Twilight's eyes widen. "I think that you just l-"

"Okay, that's enough," I interject before this can get any more weird. Not thinking about what Rainbow Dash was trying to imply. Nope, definitely not. "Thanks for keeping an eye on me and all that, but I should probably get going."

"Pinkie's not gonna be happy," Rainbow points out as I head for the door. "Y'know, if you skip town before she can throw you a party."

"I really don't think I'll be good company at any sort of party," I mutter, opening the door and stepping out into the hall beyond that overlooks the library itself. And straight into something pink with a giant grin on its face. "GAH!" Barely restraining my instinctive reaction to blow the offender to steaming little bits, I clutch at my chest as my heart tries to pound its way out of my rib cage. "Pinkie Pie, God fucking damn it!" She reaches out, lightly touches my nose and makes a "boop" sound. The fuck?

"Firstly; it's Faust and bucking here, silly," she tells me, giggling like a little girl as I stare at her blankly. How does she even know what I mean when I use those words? "And secondly; you weren't planning on leaving yet, were you?" She bounces a bit in place. "I still haven't gotten to throw you your party yet!" Are parties all this mare ever thinks about? And it's only been an hour, for crying out loud! How did she plan a party in that short amount of time?

"Listen, Pinkie, I'm flattered and everything but I can't-" The words catch in my throat as I see the look on her face. Oh, God, she looks like a sad little puppy. That's about to cry. Jesus, why do I even care? She's just another crazy pony...that helped save my worthless ass from spending an eternity with Nightmare Moon. Damn it. "Okay, fine. I'll stay for the party."

"I promise to make it as painless as possible," she assures me, having immediately sprung back to full peppiness once I agreed. "Small guest list, no loud noises and some nice, relaxing music." I blink at her stupidly and she giggles again. "What? You nearly exploded me when I tried to surprise you. Why would I make the same mistake twice?" She boops my nose again. "Duh, I wouldn't, obviously." She turns and starts bouncing on her way. "See you in half an hour~" And I'm left staring at where she used to be, jaw hanging open, and I can hear Rainbow Dash laughing at me in the background.

"The look on his face!" I hear the sporty pegasus guffaw. "You just got Pinkie Pied, Arty!"

"Oh shut up!" I snap, cheeks burning as she laughs at me harder. "All the ponies in this town are crazy!" I exclaim, Twilight staring at me in surprise. "That's it, I'm done here." And Rainbow's laughter chases after me as I stomp my way out of the library, muttering obscenities under my breath the whole way.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Did you have to laugh at him?" Twilight asks as Rainbow gets up off the floor at last. "He clearly didn't appreciate it."

"Oh, come on, Twi, I was just having a little fun with him," Rainbow casually dismisses it. "Guy needs to lighten up."

"Making fun of him isn't going to accomplish that," Twilight points out. "I know you didn't mean it that way but he doesn't." Rainbow frowns thoughtfully, wings and ears drooping as she comes to a realization.

"I need to apologize later, huh?" At Twilight's nod she groans in dismay. "Dang it, I hate apologizing."

"Then maybe next time you ought to think before you open your mouth." Twilight giggles when her friend starts grumbling under her breath. "Okay, I'm sure you have things to do before the party, so go on and get out of my room already."

"I bet you wish Arty had stayed in it~," Rainbow teases her, ducking a flying pillow as she's on her way to the door.

"Oh be quiet and just go, you pervert!"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Back in Canterlot, Cadence is making her way to Celestia's private study, having heard something she is finding very difficult to believe. Because, honestly, she likes to think that her adoptive aunt is a much smarter mare than what this latest bit of palace gossip suggests. Alright, calm down, she reminds herself. After all, it could simply be just that; idle gossip. Oh, she really hopes that's all it is. She trots along, giving a distracted nod to one of the palace staff as she passes them, stopping only once she reaches her destination. Breathe, Cadence, this is Celestia, not some idiot noble with an axe to grind. Just go in there, talk to her like a rational pony and surely your faith in her will be rewarded.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"What am I even doing?" I ask myself once I'm outside, cheeks still a little warm from the razzing I'd gotten from Rainbow Dash. I should just leave, head back to Canterlot and...do what, exactly? I feel myself scowling at the thought. What's waiting for me there except a constant reminder of what I've done? Would it be so bad to just forget about it all, even if it's just for a little while? I grit my teeth and admit that, yes, it would. I can never allow myself to forget, even for a moment. No, I deserve to be reminded, to have my crimes put on display for the entire world to see. I'm a murderer. A monster. Even now, looking at the ponies I pass by, part of me can't help seeing them as animals. I'm disgusting!

"Bit for your thoughts?" Oh, great, just who I needed to see. I note that I've somehow made my way halfway across a bridge without realizing it as I turn toward the sound of Luna's voice. Speaking of constant reminders, there's the worst of them all in the flesh. "You appear as though you have something you need to express." I open my mouth, only to close it as I notice that we're drawing a crowd. Right, royalty, though I imagine the ponies are wondering who I am. I don't exactly look like I did when I first appeared before them, after all. Luna hardly seems to register their presence, though I suppose, given how long she served as princess before her exile, she's used to being stared at by the masses.

"Nothing," I lie as I spread my wings, starting to feel crowded. "...mind if we stick around for a bit longer? I kind of got roped into attending a party." I promised, after all, so I might as well see it through. Besides, I have this weird feeling that Pinkie might hunt me down if I do otherwise.

"Ah, I see Miss Pie managed to finally melt your icy exterior." Don't sound so fucking amused, you smug little shit. "I suppose we may stay for a time. We would not wish to disappoint our saviors, now would we?" Thanks for reminding me. Just what I needed at the moment. "Just remember not to stray too far."

"Yes, mom," I mutter, taking to the air before she can respond. If there's anything about being a pony I don't mind so much, it's flying. The wind, the speed, the adrenaline! It's such a liberating feeling, to leave gravity behind and just let yourself feel the wonder of it all. It's almost enough to make me forget my troubles. Almost. Still, I suppose things could be worse. At least this way I can enjoy something about my new life.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Cadence closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, counting to ten before she lets it out slowly. She sits across a table from Celestia, the two of them enjoying a spot of tea together when Cadence had decided to broach the subject she had come here to discuss. Celestia's response, however, had stunned her.

"You're telling me," the princess of love begins slowly, tone tight with suppressed emotion, "that you sent Artemis, one of the most mentally damaged ponies in Equestrian history, on a mission to peacefully relocate a fully grown dragon, with the mare who caused said mental damage in the first place?" Celestia doesn't respond at first, sipping her cup of tea, before looking her adopted niece straight in the eye, her expression carefully neutral.

"Yes, I did," she tells the younger alicorn softly, Cadence twitching as she glares at the sun princess from beneath her bangs.

"ARE YOU BUCKING KIDDING ME?!?" The pink princess shouts, one hoof slamming down on the table top for emphasis, causing the whole thing to groan and buckle from the force behind it. "It's only been a month, Celestia! A MONTH! No one recovers from a thousand years of mental and physical abuse that fast, not even some supposed alien from another dimension!" She finds herself trembling as her heated gaze never leaves Celestia's stony visage. "Not once would I have ever expected you to be so reckless with the lives of others! What would have happened if he'd lost control? Twilight and her new friends could have been hurt, maybe even killed!"

"That is why I sent Luna," Celestia informs her calmly, finishing her tea and pouring herself another cup. "If he had succumbed to his impulses and endangered them, she would have been more than capable of protecting the girls from harm."

"And what about Artemis himself?" Cadence demands, irritated by how casual Celestia is being about this. "His mental health is only just barely starting to improve and even saying that he's nowhere near ready to-"

"Cadence." The room suddenly feels smaller and Cadence finds herself shivering, as if cold. Nothing has truly changed, yet with a single utterance of her name, Celestia has reduced her to feeling like she is once again simply a foal sitting at her teacher's hooves. "I understand your feelings regarding this matter. Truly, I do. But you need to understand something, as well." Celestia is looking her right in the eyes now. "He is not a pony, Cadence, no matter what he looks like, and we are just as alien to him as he is to us. I believe that is part of the reason why he was able to so casually inflict harm upon our subjects at first." She takes a moment to sip her fresh cup of tea before continuing. "He doesn't see us as people. Or rather, he didn't." She turns her gaze downwards, staring into her cup. "He must be given focus, purpose, a reason to care about his future and a reason to care about us." She sighs wearily. "I will admit, sending him along on this mission was a risk, but a calculated one. I know you have good reason to doubt me, Cadence, but please, trust me for now. Seeing the struggles of our ponies, helping them in ways more meaningful than simple chores; it is in this way that I hope to guide him to recovery and aid him in settling into his new life here."

"I..." Cadence fails to find the words at first, not sure what to make of what she's been told. "Alright, Celestia. I might not agree with your methods in this case, but I'll trust your judgement." The solar diarch had never steered her wrong before after all. "I still think this was a stupid risk, no matter the reason for it." She stands and heads for the door, pausing with her hoof on the handle. "Just a suggestion, but maybe the next time you want to pull a stunt like this you should warn me first." She then departs, closing the door behind her.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I look down on Ponyville from my cloud perch, having decided to relax for a bit somewhere out of the way from the prying eyes of others. My flight hadn't been as liberating as I'd hoped, as I'd drawn quite a bit of attention from the local populace, much to my displeasure. So here I am, staring down at the town below me, reminded of the first time I'd done so. I close my eyes as a sudden wave of vertigo hits me, biting back a groan as my stomach turns. I really need to stop having flashbacks.

"You sure you should be up here?" The sudden question nearly causes me to yelp, but a quick bite of the tongue stops that urge right quick. What is with ponies and sneaking up on me while I'm distracted? "I mean, I enjoy relaxing on clouds as much as the next pony, but if you skip out on Pinkie she's gonna be pretty upset."

"I haven't been up here that long, Rainbow Dash," I reply, the voice unmistakably hers. "Is there something you want or what?" She doesn't reply immediately and I turn my head to frown at her, the pegasus hovering there with an uncomfortable expression on her face. "Well?"

"Okay, fine, I'll just come out and say it then!" She exclaims suddenly, cheeks darkening even through her coat. "I'm sorry, alright?" I blink at her dumbly, wondering what brought on thi sudden apology. "Quit staring at me likea doofus and just accept the apology already!"

"I would if I knew what you were apologizing for." Now it's her turn to stare at me. "What?"

"Seriously?" The mare shakes her head at me. "I was totally ribbing you at Twilight's earlier, remember?"

"Oh, right." I shrug carelessly, my gaze returning to the town. "You're forgiven, I guess."

"Dude, are you feeling alright?" She asks me, the surface of the cloud shifting as she lands on it. "I mean, it's none of my business, but you seem kinda...I dunno, off or something." Oh, nothing Dash, just remembering the night I terrorized a town and tried to murder six mares who'd never done a thing to me in their entire lives. No big deal, right? Not gonna tell her that, of course. Last thing I need right now is more pity.

"It's nothing," I lie casually, getting up and spreading my wings. "You can tell Pinkie not to worry. I'll be at the party." I then step off the cloud and start gliding, not really paying much attention to where I'm going. I just know that being around others is the last thing I want right now.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Rainbow Dash finds herself frowning deeply as she watches Artemis drifting away on the air currents, something about how the stallion had been acting really bothering her.

"Hey, you're kinda heading towards the Everfree!" She calls out to him as she notices where his current trajectory will take him. However, the alicorn either doesn't hear her or is actively tuning her out. "Hey, flankhole!" Not even a twitch and he's getting further away by the second. "Oh, forget it." He's a grown stallion with super healing powers, so she's pretty sure he can look after himself. Still, as she watches him, she can't help feeling like she ought to tell somepony, just in case.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Before I know it, I'm slowly floating along over the Everfree Forest, wondering what in the world I think I'm doing right now. Am I just a glutton for punishment or what? But I'm not turning myself around, so maybe I am. It's not like it matters, anyway. Morbid curiosity, coupled with straight up masochism, has me directing my flight toward the Castle of the Two Sisters, the site of my last moments spent tied to Nightmare Moon. The place looks much the same as it did that night from the air, though perhaps less spooky due to it being bathed in sunlight and all. I ask myself a second time: what are you even doing right now, you idiot? Just turn around, do a quick little appearance at the silly party and get back to serving your time already. Why torture yourself with reminders of all the fucking stupid shit you did while high on dark magic? The answer, as it turns out, is a fairly simple one. One I've already mentioned, as a matter of fact.

"Because I can't allow myself to forget," I mutter under my breath as I begin my descent. The hole in the roof serves as the perfect entry point and, with my hooves touching the cold, cracked stone of the floor, I'm immediately assaulted by memories of that night. The sounds, the smells, the feeling of all that hate and pain coursing through me; it causes me to shiver uncontrollably, like all the heat of the world was sucked away from me in less than a second. I walk over to a large, blackened section of the floor, rubbing one hoof over the burnt area, only to pull back as the lingering magic of what transpired sets my mane on end. Jesus, how powerful are those Elements anyway for their magic to still be in this place after over a month has passed? Of course, that's not the only evidence left of that night.

Off near the dais lays the shattered remains of my armor, jagged fragments of metal that reflect the sunlight shining in through the hole in the roof dully. The only piece that remains intact is the helmet and, strangely, I feel myself drawn to it. I'm soon standing over it, staring at it, my teeth grinding as the events of my defeat play out on a loop through my mind. I wish I hadn't survived it. I wish those twisted Elements hadn't decided to give me some so-called second chance! Things would have just been better if hey'd shown some fucking mercy and just let me die!

"Fucking damn it all!" I shout, rearing up and stomping down on the helmet with all my strength, the metal groaning under the force of the impact, warping but not breaking. "Damn it, damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!" I pound on the metal with every curse, until the reminder of my failures nd crimes is a flattened, barely recognizable piece of scrap. But it's not enough. With rage burning inside my chest I channel power through my horn, glaring hatefully at the bits of metal like they're my worst enemy. The beam of pure magical energy strikes the metal and the stone floor beneath, smoke and heat making my eyes water as I pour all that hate into the task of wiping out the remains, as if erasing them from existence will somehow remove the taint that lingers in my heart.

I border on giving into it, letting the anger and self-loathing consume me, but I somehow manage not to fall into old habits, instead focusing on the task at hand until the stone glows white, orange and cherry red and the armor fragments are little more than molten slag. Still, the fire inside me hasn't gone out and I turn my attention to the ruins around me, sending a lance of power at the dais next, smashing it apart and plowing through the far wall beyond. A torn tapestry is my next target and, without realizing it, I scream, a venting of emotion that I hadn't allowed myself for even a moment. The sound of stone being split apart and crumbling barely registers in my emotionally charged state, my head turning and causing the beam to scythe through the ruins like a hot knife through butter, not caring that I am destroying a piece of Equestrian history or that I might be endangering myself by bringing the whole thing down upon my head.

I scream and send beam after beam of magic lancing through the structure, the sounds becoming a symphony of pain and destruction that is like a cleansing fire that consumes my heart and soul. By the end of it all I'm sweating profusely, my breaths coming in harsh pants, my magic having not recovered fully from healing my injuries earlier, and I'm forced to stop despite wanting nothing more than to level the wretched structure in its entirety. My jaw clenches and before I know it I'm crying, silent tears streaming down my cheeks as my head lowers in exhaustion, both mental and physical. I just threw the world's most dangerous temper tantrum. Dear Christ, what if someone had been nearby just now? Stupid idiot, you could have killed someone! I can't even vent without causing problems, God fucking damn it! I suck in several ragged lungfuls of air and let out another harsh scream, hating myself even more for my recklessness.

"Oh, Artemis." No. No fucking way! Does no one in this candy coated, naive little world understand the need for fucking privacy or does Luna in particular just love to bother me at the worst goddamn times?! "Why must you insist on doing this to yourself?"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Luna watches as Artemis freezes, trying not to let the pain she's feeling show as he turns to look at her, eyes wide and slightly glassy. Why had he decided to come back here, of all places? Does he enjoy pain so much as to regularly inflict it upon himself? She must be careful here, the distraught alicorn before her looking much like a cornered animal, ready to lash out at any moment.

"What the fuck do you want?" He croaks, his voice hoarse, likely from all the screaming he just finished doing. "Are you here to chastise me for wrecking what's left of your castle?" He chuckles darkly. "If that's the case, I hate to break it to you but it was already well past saving before I decided to remodel the place." He kicks a piece of the rubble her way, as if to emphasize this fact. "So do us both a favor and save your breath."

"Artemis, this simply must stop," Luna tells him, tone calm but firm. "What good does it do to continue to punish yourself this way?"

"Well no one else is doing it!" Artemis snaps, his pupils narrowing down to pinpricks as he glares at her. "And don't give me that slap on the wrist bullshit Celestia handed out! Going around fixing fences and picking up trash, even if I were to do it for the next thousand years, will never be enough to make up for what I did!"

"No crime, no matter what you think, is worth doing this to yourself!" Luna argues, taking a step forward and causing him to retreat the same distance. "You have to let it go!"

"You make it sound so easy," Artemis growls, head lowering slightly, partially hiding his expression behind his mane. What Luna can still see, though, isn't very encouraging. "Am I supposed to sing a little song and just forget it all happened?"

"Of course not," Luna replies, shaking her head slightly. "You should never forget, however tormenting yourself is not the same as remembering." She steps closer again, Artemis backing away, only to bump into a piece of masonry, halting his flight. "So then, it begs the question: why do you insist on torturing yourself?"

"I think a better question is how you can just go about your day like nothing happened," Artemis says, obviously trying to redirect the conversation. "You betrayed your own flesh and blood and turned me into...this!"

"You say that as if I am not aware of my crimes." Luna lets out a sigh. "What I've done is terrible, true enough, and I will forever be grateful that the Bearers were able to free us from the cycle of hatred I inflicted upon us, but more than that I am grateful to have a chance to make up for my mistakes."

"I guess that's where we're different," Artemis mutters darkly. "You have a place here, while I don't."

"Yet you could have a place here, if you wished it," Luna insists, moving closer still. "I know you can likely never forgive me but there are others who you could call friend, perhaps even family. Niece Cadence seems genuine in her concern for your well-being and, while I admit she can be trying at the best of times, Celestia does not wish you ill, despite our attempt on her life." She holds out a hoof to him, smiling kindly. "Let us leave this place...brother. I swore to aid you however I could, so, please, just give me the chance to do so."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

If only things could be so easy. She stands there, smiling at me, patiently waiting for me to take her offer, while here I am, having to resist the urge to slap the outstretched limb away. I keep seeing Luna overlaid by the image of Nightmare Moon. Honestly, what can anyone expect from me? I just tried to demolish a historic ruin in a fit of pique, after all. But...she may have a point. I can't keep going like this. If I do, I may just end up killing someone. Again.

"I'm not sure what you think you can do," I begin quietly, raising a hoof tentatively, "but you're right...I really can't keep doing this." I grimace as I lay my hoof over hers. These ponies...I just don't understand them at all. I feel like I'm taking a huge risk trusting her like this, but, well, what other options are there? Even if I could return home, what would I find there after a thousand years? I need to at least try to make this work. "I'll give you one chance. Just one." I look her right in the eyes. "Don't waste it." And still she smiles.

"I won't."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

As one might imagine, the reaction to my little tantrum was...poor. The ponies in town had sort of panicked until Luna had assured them she would deal with whatever was making a mess in the Everfree, namely me, and they were understandably worried while she was gone. I watch from a distance as she eases their fears and I find it hard to look at them. They should be scared. I'm dangerous, a fact that really needs to change. I might be an asshole, but even I realize that much. I see Twilight and her friends among the crowd, along with some small, bipedal lizard with purple scales and green spines on its head and back. Not sure what to make of that, to be honest. The way they're looking at me...yeah, they know. Where's Pinkie Pie, though? Don't tell me she's still getting the party ready after hearing all of that? It doesn't matter. I should just-

"Artemis." I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of Luna quietly saying my name, finding her standing a little too close for comfort. "Are you alright?" I'm tempted to lie, but, with a sigh, I decide to be honest. For once.

"No," I reply softly, glancing at the slowly dispersing crowd of ponies briefly. "I know I said I'd go to the party but...can we leave? I don't...I don't want to be here right now." Again, she smiles, and again I wonder how she managed to change so much just from being blasted by the closest thing to a maguffin even this crazy place can get.

"I know you are nervous." Understatement of the century, but please, continue. "But you cannot continue to run from your problems." She nudges me gently. "Besides, a relaxing get together may be just what you need." I know Pinkie told me it wouldn't be a loud affair, but she doesn't seem the subtle type. Oh well.

"Okay." I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "But this is gonna be awkward as hell." My gaze turns to where Twilight was standing just moments earlier, seeing her and that tiny lizard thing walking away together. "So don't blame me if it turns out to be a total bust." I frown as she comes to a stop, glancing back, as if sensing my gaze. She jumps, startled to see me staring and I look away with a grimace. "Yeah, this is a bad idea."

"Stop being so pessimistic," Luna chides me. "You do not give them nearly enough credit."

"Sorry, but it's kinda hard to expect the best from people these days," I mutter darkly, causing the moon princess to frown this time. "Sorry."

"No, it is fine." If you say so. "Come, I was told it will be held at the library." She ushers me along, like a troublesome child that needs to be herded. Fitting, given how childish my little outburst at the old castle had been. "There will be time for you to brood later."

"Oh, ha ha."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"I'm having second thoughts," I say once we're at the door, Luna rolling her eyes at me. "It's not too late to leave, you know. We don't even have to wait for the chariot."

"Please stop being such a foal," she chastises me, reaching up to knock. "We are already here, so we may as well see this through." I resist the urge to whine some more, steeling my nerves as best I can as the door creaks open. Instead of one of the girls its the purple lizard I saw with Twilight, who looks up at us with wide eyes. Yeah, this really is a terrible idea. Luna, cool as a cucumber, smiles at it kindly. "Greetings, Spike the dragon. I believe we are expected?" This is a dragon, too? This chubby cheeked little thing? How adorable.

"R-right," it, he, Spike, replies and steps back, opening the door wider to grant us admittance. "Announcing Princess Luna and, uh...Prince Artemis?" I don't blame ya, kiddo. I'd be nervous in your shoes, too, figuratively speaking of course. I watch him quickly scurry over to Twilight's side and promptly hide behind her, the unicorn and her friends standing around a table at the center of the room. I look around, noting the distinct lack of decorations, save for a banner hanging over the table that has yet to be unfurled. There's punch, a small cake with pink (cherry maybe?) icing, and some other assorted snacks and finger sandwiches. Hoof sandwiches? Fuck it, they're the tiny sandwiches that they serve at parties sometimes. Stupid pun terminology these ponies use.

So, here we are, five ponies trying their level best not to look like that this is very awkward and failing miserably. Not that I can blame them, either. Why did I let Luna talk me into staying? Oh, right, I'm giving her a chance. Sigh. Pinkie Pie is the only one besides Luna that seems happy to be here, the pink mare bouncing sedately on the tips of her hooves as she gives me a big smile. It must be nice to be so full of optimism and cheer. I'll have to ask her her secret sometime.

"I'm so glad you made it," she says, trotting around from behind the table. "It took me quite awhile to decide on what to do for your party. The theme, the decorations, the snacks...then I realized I have no idea what you like!" She giggles. "Then I tried to find you, but you weren't anywhere in Ponyville, so I asked Rainbow Dash, since she was flying by at the time, and she told me that you headed into the Everfree, but when I tried to follow she stopped me because it's too dangerous and stuff." The pink party pony sighs. "I tried telling her that I'd have been fine, but she was so insistent that I decided to humor her anyway." I can't help shaking my head in wonder. This pony...she's definitely something else. "So I asked Princess Luna, but she said she hadn't had time to learn much about what you like, so I decided, for your first party, to keep things simple just this once." A fact I genuinely appreciate. "So I went with a chocolate cake (because who doesn't like chocolate?) with strawberry icing!" Hey, I was close. Sort of. Cherries are fruits, too, after all. "But that's not the best part!"

"Really?" I can't help asking, head tilting curiously. "So what's the best part?" Whoa, hey, how did she get so close so fast?! Before I can say anything more she's hugging me, really tightly, and there's a toot of a kazoo and a burst of confetti as the banner unfurls. I stare in shock, mouth falling open as I gaze at the words emblazoned upon the blue cloth in white paint. Happy Late Birthday. "...what?"

"I told you it took awhile to think of the theme," Pinkie tells me, continuing to hug me all the while. "I then thought: wait, I don't know his birthday! So I went to Twilight, since she's one of the smartest mares I know, and she told me you're over a thousand years old, but there's no way to fit that many candles on such a small cake." I start to tremble slightly. "But then, it just came to me! The new you, the one we made by blasting the old you with the Elements, was only born one month and seventeen days ago!" I clench my jaw, trying to fight it, but it's only getting worse as Pinkie goes on talking. "So I asked Princess Luna what she thought and she told me that it was a great idea, so happy first birthday, Arty!" That's it, I can't hold it back anymore. This pink, happy-go-lucky mare has officially broken me. I start to cry, face scrunching up as the tears roll down my cheeks. "It's okay, Arty. It's okay to cry when you're happy." And, for the first time, I hug her back, burying my face in her poofy, ridiculously fluffy mane, choking down sobs while Pinkie gently pats my back. "There you go. Just let it all out."

Part of me wants to run, to hide, to not let them see me when I'm so vulnerable. Life, even before I was betrayed by a wannabe-megalomaniac, has taught me that people will take every advantage over you they can get. But these ponies, these crazy, stupidly colorful, naive ponies, seem to be different, cynical, ancient demigods aside. So, maybe, just maybe, I might be able to start over here after all. It's not like I have anything to lose by trying, right? I feel a wing come to rest over my withers, Luna's presence somehow allowing me to relax somewhat. I sniffle and pull back from Pinkie's hug, scrubbing my eyes with one fetlock before looking around the room again. While Spike remains half hidden behind Twilight, the rest of the girls seem to have gotten over the initial awkwardness. From Rainbow Dash's grin to Fluttershy's tiny smile, they all seem to be offering me some form of encouragement. What in God's name did I do to deserve such kindness?

"Feeling better?" Luna asks me, and, another first, I find myself giving her a genuine smile.

"Yeah...thank you." I turn my gaze to the rest of them, Pinkie having moved back to give me some space. "All of you. I don't deserve this but, still, this means a lot."

"It's no problem, silly," Pinkie assures me. "Now blow out the candle and make a wish." Huh. When did the candle get there and who lit it? Fuck it, I don't really care and it doesn't matter either. I step up to the table, basking in the now welcoming atmosphere for a moment before focusing my attention on the candle.

"I wish..."

Author's Note

Well, here it is at last. Sorry for taking so long but life and my health got in the way I'm afraid :twilightblush: Anyway, I hope you all enjoy and, as usual, let me know what you think in the comments below. I hope you all have a nice day and thanks for being so patient :twilightsmile:

As always, huge shoutouts to all my Patrons, including Calamababa, Canary In The Coal Mine, Noah Brown and Robert Prime. Shameless self promotion, away~! https://www.patreon.com/Crensler

Chapter 5: Beginning the Process of Moving On and Making a Friend

Author's Note

Here it is, at last, and hopefully you'll find it was worth the wait. If not, well, feel free to unfollow and all that, because, honestly, I wouldn't blame you for not having the patience for my shenanigans regarding my posting schedule, or lack there of in this case. Still, hope you enjoy and, as always, let me know what you think in the comments and all that. And on that note, I sincerely wish you all a nice day and many more to come :twilightsmile:

Shoutouts to my patrons for their continued support, including Calamababa, Canary In The Coal Mine and Noah Brown! Shameless self promotion engage! https://www.patreon.com/Crensler

Chapter 5: Beginning the Process of Moving On and Making a Friend

It's strange how much your view of the world can be changed by the simplest of things. If someone had told me a few weeks ago that I'd end up finding a small measure of peace due to something as seemingly insignificant as a birthday party, I'd have likely punched them in the face for being a complete fucking idiot. Yet, as I gaze at the distant village of Ponyville, I find myself smiling thanks to the party one silly, flamboyant pony threw for me. It still feels strange to smile like this, of course, but this warm, fuzzy feeling it's giving me can't possibly be bad, right? Still, as much as I would like to, I can't keep standing around smiling into space like this. I turn away from the edge of the landing pad and find Luna waiting for me to join her. Time to go give our report. Joy. Still, it gives me the chance to do something I've wanted to do ever since I heard I was going on that crazy little mission. Something I'm going to savor every second of to the fullest extent possible.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Celestia smiles as she reads the letter she just received from her student, the ball of tension in her chest melting away with every sentence her eyes trace over. She knew before it arrived by dragon fire that the mission had been a success, of course, but to see confirmation in Twilight's elegantly precise writing was more of a relief to her than she had expected it to be. As she gets to the bottom of the page, however, the friendship/mission report gives her a surprise.

I also learned that, no matter how bad things seem, no matter how deep the darkness becomes, even the smallest of gestures can show you the way back to the light.

Now what does that mean, she wonders? She quickly scans back over the letter, rereading it multiple times, but this one sentence stands out from the rest of the report. Did something happen on the mission? What did Twilight mean? Frowning, she rolls up the letter, as it holds no more answers for her. Glad as Celestia is to have gotten it, now the solar diarch finds herself at a bit of a loss. Perhaps when Luna and Artemis finally return she'll get the answers she seeks. As if on cue there is a knock at her door, Celestia straightening her posture and putting the letter aside, putting on a pleasantly neutral expression as she readies herself to receive her guests.

"Enter."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I open the door to Celestia's study and make my way inside, head held high and shoulders straight as I confront the princess of the day, meeting her gaze unflinchingly. I immediately find myself having to resist the sudden urge to squirm as her eyes study me intently, something about the intensity of her scrutiny setting me on edge. I'd come here ready to tell her off but now I feel like I'm back in school, under the weighty gaze of one of my teachers after having misbehaved. I manage to shake it off just as she finishes trying to peer into the depths of my soul with her eyes alone, the princess smiling at last, as if happy to see us. Well, maybe she's happy to see Luna at least.

"I am glad to see that the both of you have returned safely," Celestia says, the desire to roll my eyes just about overpowering at this point. "Though I understand from Luna's initial report that things did not go as smoothly as any of us would have liked."

"Honestly I don't think it could have gone any better," I remark, snark cranked up to eleven at this point. "I mean, you did send six civilians and two demigods to kick a dragon out of its lair, when just sending us by ourselves would have been sufficient. Oh, by the way." I lean forward and look Celestia right in the eye. "I fucking told you so." And she just doesn't even bat an eyelash. Does nothing rattle this mare? "Didn't you hear me? I said-"

"I know what you said." I click my mouth shut, straightening as I give her an annoyed glare. "And I disagree. If it weren't for the fact that those civilians, as you put it, had been with you, the mission would have ended in failure." I try to offer a rebuttal but she cuts me off at the pass. "No, I don't consider an outcome where you would have had to kill the dragon a success." Figures. "Do not misunderstand me. As much as it pains me to put ponies in danger, especially those six, it had to be done in this case." I grind my teeth, unable to offer a counter-argument at the moment. "Let us just be grateful that, despite a certain incident, there were no major injuries and that the mission was ultimately a success."

"It was still quite the gamble," Luna interjects before I can unleash the scathing retort I have in mind. Might as well let her have at it. My original plan to lay on the guilt trip went up in smoke in the face of Celestia's stonewalling, so why not? "So many things could have gone wrong. We may have enough power at our command to be likened unto demigods, but we are not omnipotent. Any of the Bearers could have been hurt or even killed over the course of the mission. Why would you even take such a risk? It is quite unlike you, sister."

"Perhaps in the past, but a lot has changed in the last thousand years," Celestia replies, that pleasantly neutral expression not so much as chipping under the weight of Luna's scrutiny. "It was indeed a risk, one that I know neither of you approve of, but it's done. I had faith in the Bearers' ability to succeed in this task, especially with your support, and they rewarded that faith by resolving the situation without further need for violence." Her gaze lowers at last, the mask slipping a bit to reveal...vulnerability. But is it genuine or just a calculated maneuver to manipulate us? I wish I knew. "Twilight Sparkle is my student and putting her and her friends in danger was the last thing I wanted, but their destiny, tied to the Elements as they are, is inevitably going to endanger them in ways I may not be able to protect them from. They need to be ready to face these unforeseen dangers, otherwise not only could they die, but all of Equestria could be imperiled as a result of losing its greatest defense." God damn it, why does she have to have a point?

"I've never put much stock in destiny," I tell her. "It always seemed like a way for people to give up responsibility for their own fates. Maybe it's different here, I don't really know, but honestly if destiny says that those girls have to face danger when there are others better equipped to handle said danger available then it can kiss the darkest part of my ass." Something about what I just said is making Celestia smile and I'm not sure how I feel about that fact. "What? Is there a problem?"

"No, of course not," she replies, acting all mysterious, much to my annoyance. "I don't blame you for feeling that way, Artemis. I would likely feel the same in your position, after all." She sighs softly. "Still, there is little point dwelling on it now. What's done is done." She seems to hesitate. "I will promise, however, that I won't endanger them unnecessarily. As you said, there is little need when others are available that I can count on." I feel my eyebrows raise as she smiles at me, the expression not coming across like her usual pleasant expression does. This is really starting to weird me out. "Thank you both for giving me your report. If there is nothing else, there are other things that require my attention." A chance to take a gamble of my own. Well, here goes everything.

"One last thing," I say, drawing Celestia's attention once more. "I'm done doing your bitch work. We both know it's a waste of time to have me painting fences or whatever other mundane bullshit your correction officers decide to have me do." She doesn't say anything to interrupt so I plow on. "If you're going to have me doing things to help, I want to be doing something more than...than picking up other people's garbage. Like with the dragon, only fewer civilians caught in the crossfire." She stares at me for several long, quiet moments, the weight of her gaze making me want to squirm, but I somehow repress the urge despite myself. "Well?"

"If that is what you want, then I see no reason to deny your...request." Okay, that...was easier than I thought it would be. The hell? "Now don't look at me like that. We both know that, if you really wanted to leave, you were more than capable of making your escape even with that around your neck." She points at the collar/peytral that rests around my neck with one hoof. "While Luna's testimony aided in your probation, there were certain...concessions that had to be made in order to ensure your present status went unquestioned." What the hell does that mean? "Despite the claims I made when I presented you to the public, there is no record of us having a brother, not in any of the historical texts in any library in Equestria, nor anywhere else for that matter." Wait, there was something...a look just flashed through her eyes. Damn it, she's still hiding something! But what? "I understand you've been learning about how our government works, among other things of course."

"Yeah, it's not a true diarchy," I reply, keeping my suspicions to myself for now. "Granted, you and Luna have a great deal of pull, but you don't hold all the power, at least not anymore."

"That is correct." Celestia smiles at me like she's my teacher and I've just earned myself a gold sticky star. Joy. "There is a council that also holds sway in Equestria's affairs, made up of various nobles that oversee the various provinces." I nod, already knowing that part. "What do you think their reaction was to an alicorn appearing seemingly out of thin air?" Oh. Oh, well, shit, that explains a few things.

"They felt threatened," I mutter, to which she nods. "It's why Cadence doesn't hold much in the way of political power." Damn, I hate politics. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have believed us?" Luna asks, to which I barely resist flinching. No. No I wouldn't have. "Exactly. You would have just dismissed it out of hoof as the two of us trying to make excuses for wanting you on a leash."

"Well, you're not wrong," I grumble, glancing downwards at the peytral and grimacing in disgust. "So this...thing doesn't really have any true hold over me?"

"Of course not," Celestia scoffs. "It would take more than a few weeks to craft a device capable of suppressing the power of an alicorn. If it were activated you could easily overload it, so you needn't worry about that."

"If you truly wished you could go anywhere you like," Luna tells me. "You do not have to stay if you wish to be elsewhere."

"I appreciate the thought, Lu, but where would I even go?" I ask, rolling my eyes at the thought. "I'm a stranger in a strange land, a stallion out of time, whatever cliche you want to use, I'm it. I might as well stick around, see how things play out." I glance at the nearby clock. "Look, I'm gonna head out. Now that I'm not doing any more grunt work, my schedule just opened up." With that I turn and walk out with every intent of finding some way to spend my new allotment of free time.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Artemis had been in such a hurry to leave that he never noticed the way Luna had frozen up, a stunned look having formed on her face.

"Luna?" Celestia calls to her softly, rising from her seat to gently lay a hoof upon the younger mare's shoulder. "Lulu?"

"He...he called me..." Luna trails off, jaw working as she tries to voice her inner turmoil. "He called me Lu. No one else ever...but that doesn't make any sense."

"Easy, Lulu, easy," Celestia murmurs, pulling her sister into a gentle embrace. "You and I both know that what you're thinking is impossible."

"Is it?" Luna wonders, not truly reacting to the hug her older sibling was giving her at the moment. "The Elements made a body for him out of nothing and he was somehow pulled across realities, so who's to say what is and isn't possible?"

"Luna." Celestia's voice has turned stern. "He's long dead. Don't do this to yourself." The elder alicorn's expression softens as she hears her little sister draw in a shuddering breath. "Shhhh, easy now. It's going to be alright."

"I know I shouldn't cling to false hope," Luna says quietly, pressing the side of her face in against Celestia's neck and squeezing her eyes shut. "But I miss him."

"...so do I, sister. So do I."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I should have thought of what to do with this new free time before I left the palace. Now I'm just staring around like an idiot in my disguise on some random street, wondering what I can find to amuse myself with. That's the problem with spending a thousand years going insane and being corrupted by dark magic. You kind of forget what you used to enjoy, among other things. Like your last name, what you looked like before going native, you know, just the little stuff. No big deal, right? No, bad Artemis, you're doing the crazy talking to yourself in your head thing again. I do that a lot these days, now that I think about it. Weird.

"Okay, moving on," I mutter with a shake of my head, forcing myself to stop standing around and looking like a tourist. So, what to do? What is there even to do, anyway? What do ponies do to have fun? "Probably sing songs or some such nonsense," I remark dryly to myself with a roll of my eyes. Really should've had a plan in mind, Artemis old boy. "Okay, just think of something to do. No big deal, people do it all the time." I look around, frowning as I read signs over shops, having made my way to the business district from the looks of it. There's so many ponies walking around, too. Heading to work, getting the daily shopping out of the way and who knows what else. Was this really a good idea? I don't know any-no, wait. I do know someone here. But how do I find her? I don't exactly have her address or phone...no, ponies don't have phones. "I'm think I'm panicking," I mutter, my heartbeat sounding strangely loud in my ears. "Come on, Artemis, think!" Where can I...the park! "Yes, the park!" I have a plan! Yay, go me! Score one for Team Artemis! "Christ, these ponies really are starting to rub off on me."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

You know, it's actually kind of a nice park now that I don't have to clean it. The grass under my hooves, the sweet scent of the carefully tended flowers, the wind rustling the leaves of the trees...yeah, I should definitely come here more often. But for now I'm on a mission: find Nymphadora.

"Hey Dusk." I jump at the sudden sound of her voice from behind me. How the hell did she even sneak up on me? Was I really that distracted by the scenery or what? "Wow, no trash picking gear today? They give you the day off for good behavior or what?" Okay, play it cool. You just got back from fighting a fire breathing, larger than life dragon. You've got this.

"Oh, hey Nymph," I reply casually, even putting on a smile. Good start, keep it going. "I'm actually finally finished with my probation period, so I decided to see if you were hanging out here again today." And she's staring at me like I've grown a second head. Damn it, I can't even act casual right! "What?" She doesn't reply at first, eyes narrowing as she looks me over intently. "Okay, kinda getting creeped out now." Seriously, it wasn't that bad of a first try was it? Then the strange moment suddenly seems to pass as a smirk appears on her face.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Dusk Shade?" She asks teasingly, to which I roll my eyes and let out a derisive snort. "Ah ha! There's the grumpy unicorn I know!" That settles it. I'm done trying to act like a normal person before I really even began since apparently doing so just weirds people out. Okay, maybe it's just Nymphadora being her usual charming self. I can try again later with, like, Cadance or maybe even Shining Armor. Wait, no, not Shining Armor. He'd just take the opportunity to bust my balls. "So, you finally don't have to come back here ever again, and you do so just to see me?" Her tone holds a teasing edge. "Should I be flattered or looking to file a restraining order?"

"Oh, hardy har har," I drawl, laying on the sarcasm extra thick. "That's rather rich coming from the mare that hit on me the moment she opened her mouth." At least she has the good grace to be embarrassed about it. "So are you done busting my chops or what?"

"Well, I suppose," she replies after seemingly thinking it over for a bit, sounding like she'd rather continue giving me a hard time than not. "So, how does it feel to be a free pony?" Free? I don't know if that really applies to me yet. I mean, I could go just about anywhere now I suppose, but, like I said to Celestia, what would be the point? Exploration? Doesn't really sound appealing. I have enough on my plate without dealing with the unknown. I feel like that makes me a bit of a pussy, not wanting to leave this familiar little bubble of the world I've come to know these past few months, but honestly who gives a fuck? I have eternity, as far as I know. The rest of the world can wait until I'm ready.

"I'm not really sure," I reply honestly before the silence drags on for too long. "It's not like I was stuck in prison or anything." I throw in a shrug for good measure. "So...not any different than not being free, I guess?" God, I really, really do suck at socializing, don't I? "Anyway, what have you been up to lately?" Yes, a fresh topic. That ought to help.

"Trying my best to settle in, actually," Nymph tells me, walking over to a bench and sitting down. "I only moved to Canterlot recently and it's a bit overwhelming, to be honest."

"Not much of a city mare?" I ask, careful to use the correct terminology in her presence.

"I like the city just fine," she replies, "but Canterlot is something else." She shakes her head. "I've heard Manehattan is bigger, more crowded, but...I dunno, it's just a little much after living down in Dodge City for most of my life." The mare chuckles. "Though, calling it a city is a bit generous." She looks at me inquiringly. "So, not from here either?"

"What?" My head rears back slightly in surprise. "How'd you know that?"

"You don't look any more comfortable here than I do," Nymph informs me with a giggle. "Plus I'm good at reading ponies. Their expression, body language...everypony has their tells and I've managed to figure out some of yours." Oh, great. "Anyway, where are you from originally?" Shit, quick, come up with a convincing lie!

"Uh..." Damn it, that isn't what I meant, brain! Come on, it can't be that hard to think up a pun name! "Ger...maney?" Ugh, seriously? That's the best you can come up with? We really need to work on our improvisation skills if we're going to keep up this charade, brain.

"Oh, you're from overseas?" It worked? Really? "I've heard of the different settlements and countries out there, but I never thought I'd meet someone from that far away." She leans forward, looking especially curious. "Tell me, what was it like there?" Great, now we need to come up with something else! Quick, give me an excuse!

"Unfortunately I was very young when we moved away," I lie as casually as I can. "From what I can recall, we never really settled anywhere until we got to Equestria." Good, good, keep them coming! "We lived in, erm, Vanhoover for awhile I think." Have to thank Cadance for those maps later. "Ponyville, too, at least for a little while. Eventually I grew up and moved here." I'm sweating under my coat and my heart is racing a mile a minute, but at least I managed to pull that little backstory out of my ass without too many hiccups. At least Nymph seems to be buying it, so score one for Artemis. "Still not very comfortable just yet, the crowds and all that, but it isn't so bad."

"Yeah, you got to meet me," Nymph jokes as she hops off the bench, bumping my shoulder lightly on her way past me. "So, I know I mentioned it before and, well, I was wondering if you'd like to take up my offer of spending the afternoon together." I look back over my shoulder to see her smiling bashfully. "I'll be on my best behavior, I promise." I hum thoughtfully while walking around to join her, eyes skyward as I think it over. I have my appointment with Shining Armor and Cadance later, but I should be able to hang out with Nymph for awhile.

"Sure," I say finally, deciding to take a risk with her. "Best behavior, though, or I trot on." I hold out a hoof to her. "Deal?" She chuckles and bumps one of her hooves against it lightly.

"Deal~"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It was going far better than she could have ever anticipated. When Artemis left on his little mission with the moon princess, Chrysalis hadn't expected him to return so...different. Granted, there was still a general melancholy and lack of self worth, even a loathing buried deep down, along with a festering kernel of hatred, but whatever happened on his excursion had created a little nugget of hope inside the alicorn prince. This certainly could help her plans in a way, but she'd planned to harness that hatred, twist it to her own ends. What was she going to do with him now?

"When we finally settled it was on a cozy little farm," Artemis, or rather "Dusk Shade", lies to her, too distracted with the weaving of his supposed deception to notice her lack of interest. "Not much to interest a-a colt growing up, of course, but my sisters always could find some new adventure for us, waiting over the next hill or behind the next thicket." She idly listens as he chuckles, his ability to lie so well surprising her. When she first encountered him his lies had been stilted, awkward, but now he's doing it as effortlessly as one of her Infiltrators can. "We'd come home covered in mud and brambles most days, leaving mother to shake her head and cluck her tongue at our antics while cleaning us up." By the First Mother, he's on a roll! How is he coming up with all this? Had he been planning it since their first meeting in case she asked? He could give her a run for her money if she was so inclined to test her ability to lie against his. "How about you? Any family?"

"Oh, yes, loads," she replies with a grin, thinking of all her children already spread throughout the city, right under the noses of the supposed Royal Guard and the very princesses themselves. "All over the place, in fact." If he only knew how true that statement is. "You may have even met a few and not realized it."

"Wow, your family must be enormous then," he remarks in response, causing her grin to turn into a wicked smirk for the briefest of moments. Yes, it most certainly is, even after the destruction of the Hive Spire her children are flourishing. No other beings in the world hold such love as ponies do and she would use that love to spread her family across the width and breadth of Equestria and even beyond! "Uh...Nymph?" She could see it now. Farms where ponies are kept to have their love harvested by her children, the surplus of love allowing them to build a great Changeling empire such as the world has never seen before or since! "Nymph." First, Canterlot, then the entire world would fall to the might of her swarm! "Nymphadora!"

"Huh, what?" Oh, goodness, she'd spaced out there for a bit. "What were you saying, Dusk?"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

What the hell was that? I was in the middle of spinning one hell of a yarn, based partly on the memories I have remaining from before arriving on the moon, and I notice she's just staring into space with this strange look on her face. Like she was daydreaming about...I don't know what. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure I want to. "Are you okay? You...I dunno, you seemed kind of lost in thought or something for a bit there."

"Oh, um, sorry." Nymph blinks as she looks around, looking slightly dazed for a moment as she collects herself. "Your story got me thinking about the last time I was home and I guess I spaced out." She stopped, looking for a street sign, only to groan when she spots one. "Great, we ended up going the wrong way." She sighs, ears folding back as she looks at me apologetically. "Sorry, Dusk. I didn't mean to-"

"Eh, forget it," I tell her, filing that odd little episode of hers away for future reference. Maybe she has some sort of condition? It's certainly possible, I guess. "It's not like we can't just double back, right?"

"Right," she says, smiling slightly as her ears perk back up. One thing I've noticed about pony body language: the ears say a lot more than you'd think. Kind of like dogs. Not that I'll ever tell a pony that. Might get offended by the comparison or something. "Come on, this way." She leads me back several streets, surprising me with how far we'd gotten. Had I really been that caught up in lying to her? It had just come so naturally to me, like it was second nature. Not sure how to feel about that, but that's for another time. "Ah, there it is." She's brought me to some...restaurant from the sign and the smell coming from it. "Genuine Istallion cuisine" read the tag-line. So, after translating the puntastic name, I gather it's a pasta place? When was the last time I ate pasta? A thousand years ago? Longer? The food at the castle I've had has been good, great even, but so far no noodle dishes. Maybe if I like what's served here I can make a few requests? Something to consider at least. "I figured I'd treat you to lunch as an apology for my...disaster of a first impression."

"Hey, I won't argue against free food," I tell her jokingly, though honestly she didn't have to do anything of the sort. I can more than understand being socially awkward. Hell, maybe I'm even the alicorn of the socially impaired. Would certainly be fitting if nothing else. "But you know you didn't have to do this, right?"

"Yeah," she replies, heading for the door, looking back once she starts pushing it open with one hoof, a smile on her face. "But I wanted to anyway~" God, why are ponies so unbearably cute? I'm gonna get diabetes if I'm not careful how I interact with them from now on. "Now come on, I'm hungry and time's wasting."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The atmosphere of the restaurant is warm, inviting, the smell of good food, the sound of pleasant small talk and the clatter of utensils and dishes adding to the allure of the place. It's very clear that this "Istallion" restaurant is quite popular and, based on my impressions of it so far, for good reason. Nothing sucks worse than a crappy atmosphere ruining your dining experience, so I give them an A for nailing making the customer feel at ease the moment they step hoof through the door. Bonus points for the fact that less than a minute later we are greeted, seated and given menus, the stallion asking for our drink orders before giving us time to decide on our meals. I stuck with water, since I have no idea how alcohol will affect me and then there's the simple fact that I have no idea what else ponies have to drink, while Nymph does the same. Is soda a thing? A quick check of the back of the menu reveals that, yes, soda exists. I just have no idea what they are from the brand names. So, yeah, sticking to water.

"You doing alright there, Dusk?" Nymph asks from over the top of her menu. "You're looking a little...I dunno, like the menu offended you or something."

"Oh, it's nothing," I assure her, opening my menu and looking over the available dishes. "Wow, look at these prices." Nice and ambiguous, since I still haven't learned the value of the bit beyond the basics. Golden bits can be divided into silver nuts and copper bolts, with ten nuts equaling a bit and ten bolts equaling a nut. Ponies and their puns. Why are they so prevalent anyway? I tried asking Cadance once but she sort of just looked at me funny and asked me what I was talking about. Le sigh.

"Yeah, it's pretty good food for a decent price," Nymph agrees, allowing me to somewhat judge the value of Equestria's currency as a result. "Any idea what you're gonna order?" Good question. Mostly vegetarian fare, of course, but there are a few notable exceptions, labeled under a special portion of the menu for meat eating tourists. What sort of tourists do they get? My lessons haven't gotten to the various races of the world yet, so it makes me curious to find out. It also makes me feel tempted to try one of said dishes, but knowing my luck it'll make me violently ill due to my being equine for the last thousand years. I don't even remember what meat tastes like, now that I think about it. "You're making that face again, by the way."

"Sorry," I apologize, turning my attention away from the special section of the menu. So many choices. I get this odd feeling of deja vu as I find it difficult to make a decision, but I'm not sure why. Maybe I had the same problem back on Earth? Hard to say, to be honest. "I think I'll have the lasagna." A classic if ever there was one. I don't think I ever had vegetarian lasagna before I was whisked away from my old life, but of course I can't be a hundred percent sure about that. Still, from the lovely smell coming from the kitchen and surrounding tables, I think it'll work out just fine for me. "You?"

"I'll have the Alfredo with a side salad," she replies, closing her menu with a little nod. "Oh, good timing." Our waiter had arrived, taking our orders and heading off to the kitchen, leaving us to talk or whatever two not quite friends do when out to lunch. "So, here we are." She smiles at me in a slightly impish fashion. "I managed to get you out on a date after all. Yay me!" I can't help but chuckle at that.

"And all it took was for us to have the most awkward conversations in the history of Equestria," I remark dryly, the left corner of my mouth lifting in a sardonic smirk. "We should write a book about bad first impressions."

"Yes, we definitely should," Nymph agrees with a giggle. "We can call it: 'How to Make a Complete Flankhole of Yourself - A Beginner's Guide'." We share a laugh and I find myself enjoying Nymph's company more than I ever expected to. Not sure what that says about me but whatever. We're here, we're having a decent time; why spoil it with needless worrying? Not bad for my first attempt at socializing, if I do say so myself. Our food arrives as we exchange simple small-talk, a general sharing of hobbies and so on. Nymph, apparently, enjoys pony watching, studying the way ponies interact with one another and, no surprise, trips to the park. I relay my interest in reading and, though I haven't practiced in a millennium, how I enjoy drawing and writing poetry. All in all, though my experience in the field is limited, I'd say that it's just about the perfect way to start a friendship.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Chrysalis congratulates herself as the friendly little "date" goes off without a hitch, everything going perfectly according to plan. Artemis was becoming more comfortable around her and, soon, his guard would lower completely. From there her plan will enter its second phase, but for the time being she intends to wrap this obviously lonely, and desperate to connect with others, alicorn around her hoof. He would eventually come to depend on her for emotional support, perhaps even come to fall in love with her disguise. That's when she will know for certain that all her myriad schemes and the efforts of her children have been worth the effort. She's not certain why he's so emotionally vulnerable, given how, by all reports, he had hit Canterlot like a living artillery shell just a short time ago. But that is not her concern, nor does she care. He and Celestia would both pay for their crimes against the Hive. She will see to it personally.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The meal draws to a close and Nymph pays as she said she would. I still feel a little guilty about not being able to pay my share, but she insisted and it's not like I was carrying money on me anyway. Given the time when we finally leave the restaurant, however, I'm going to have to bid her goodbye for now.

"This was fun," Nymph remarks once we're back onto the main street, smiling broadly, a bit of a spring in her step, much to my pleasant surprise. Maybe I'm not so bad at this as I feared. "So, did you manage to enjoy yourself, sourpuss?"

"Yeah," I reply, ignoring the friendly jab. "I had a good time." Still kind of surprised by that, but hey, anything's better than sitting around moping about my self-inflicted problems. "I'd like to spend some more time with you, but I've got an appointment to keep."

"Well, we can always hang out some more another time," Nymph points out to me. "Say...next Saturday?"

"Works for me," I reply with a grin, actually finding myself looking forward to the idea. I'm about to leave when there's this weird feeling in the back of my head, like I'm forgetting or missing something. I make a quick mental checklist of the things I have to do today and yet there's no explanation for it. Strange. "See ya later then, Nymph." I then depart for the castle with a friendly wave, Nymph doing the same. Things are finally looking up for old Artemis. Took the universe long enough to stop taking a dump on me, but I suppose it was worth the wait.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"And he's none the wiser," Chrysalis purrs, her friendly smile melting into a wicked grin once the disguised Artemis is out of sight, her eyes flashing green for a moment. "Alicorns," she scoffs while on her way to make her exit from Canterlot. "So overrated." If the so-called Destroyer is so easily manipulated then it's a wonder Equestria is still standing. But perhaps Celestia is a more cagey opponent. She certainly had proven a worthy foe on the battlefield when she had sealed the changeling queen and her brood inside of a volcano, after all. His guard had been down towards the tail end of their meal, allowing her to begin a subtle weaving of magic over his mind. Nothing explicitly manipulative, of course, otherwise her efforts could be discovered, but it had been just enough to allow the alicorn to have a more positive outlook towards their relationship than he normally would have. A rather useful skill, if she did say so herself.

"My Queen," a stallion that fell into step beside her moments before tells her in a whisper, drawing her attention from her gloating. "The Royal Guard has begun poking their muzzles into our recent gathering activities." Though she frowns, Chrysalis realizes that this was inevitable. The effects of their aggressive tactics would be hard to miss, even in a city the size of Canterlot, after all. "Their Captain leads the investigation personally and has already found several of our safe houses."

"This changes nothing," she tells the disguised Infiltrator just as quietly. "Have our Drones switch tactics to more passive gathering. It will slow the process, but with the amount of love we have stolen already it should not impact our plans in any significant manner."

"Your will be done, Your Majesty," the Infiltrator replies before falling out of step and going about his business, Chrysalis resisting the urge to sigh as she considers her options. Any direct methods of removing the guard captain from the equation would draw too much attention and replacing him could prove difficult given his connection to Princess Cadenza. There is always the option of taking control of him, of course, but how to do so? Replace Cadenza? It is a possibility to consider if nothing else, though capturing an alicorn would be dangerous at best, even one so young and inexperienced as the princess of love. Her children have already replaced at least a third of the guard's forces in Canterlot, so taking control of Shining Armor would allow them a much smoother takeover when the time for the coup comes. She is personally well on her way to dealing with one of the obstacles standing in their path, leaving three to be dealt with in the meantime.

"My Queen." Another of her Infiltrators draws her attention, this one working inside the castle as a servant to Celestia, falling into step just as the last had. "The Day Princess is to host a social event for the upper crust of Canterlot society within the next six months. Temporary staff are being taken on in preparation for it, a prime opportunity to have more of our number within the castle for the day we strike."

"Indeed," Chrysalis agrees, smiling at the thought. "These ponies and their silly fascination with gatherings. Such a waste of time and effort."

"Quite so, Your Majesty," the Infiltrator says, sounding like he pities the ponies as he continues. "But is it so surprising coming from such a needlessly frivolous species?"

"It is sadly true," Chrysalis remarks with a sigh. "They will be much happier under our guidance rather than the wasteful lives the alicorns let them lead now." She shakes her head slightly. "Make the preparations, my child. Do not let this opportunity slip away from us."

"As you command, my Queen."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The entire trip back to the castle I was pretty much on cloud nine, having had quite the pleasant afternoon after all, and I had a smile on my face once I was back within its walls, ready to face my scheduled lessons head on. Then I walked into the room and stared.

"This is a bad idea," I say immediately upon spotting the small cluster of dark clouds gathered in the center of the otherwise, mostly, empty room. There is, of course, my teachers/chaperones on standby, Cadance offering me a patient smile while Shining Armor rolls his eyes. "You guys do remember what happened the last time I touched one of those things, right? I mean, it wasn't even 'charged' then and I still managed to set that study on fire."

"This is something you have to learn, Artemis," Cadance points out and, fair point, she's right. I'm just not sure we should be doing it indoors. "You can relax." She smiles at Shining Armor, the stallion returning it warmly, and again, there's that odd twinge of envy that I immediately stamp down ruthlessly. "Shiny has the room warded against the possibility of another accident and defensive spells are his specialty." He even puffs up at this, making it my turn to roll my eyes. Kids these days, I swear. "Now, we'll begin with moving the clouds safely." She motions me forward and, reluctantly, I step up to the plate, so to speak. "Remember, you can't..." She trails off, this odd break in the lesson drawing my attention.

"What?" I ask, noticing that she's scrutinizing me, to the point that it makes me feel uncomfortable. "Is there something on my coat?" I even glance over my shoulder in case there's some stain or maybe even a great dirty bug crawling on it, but no, not even a speckle of dirt breaking the smooth blue...wait. Is my coat darker? The hell? "Uh...is it just me or is my coat color getting darker?" Even Shining Armor is looking me over now, much to my discomfort. "Am I sick? Can alicorns get sick?"

"No, you're not sick, and yes, though it's rare," Cadance replies, shaking her head as if to clear it. "Don't worry about it, Artemis. You're just recovering, like Luna is." That gets my attention. Is the same thing happening to Luna, then? "Of course you probably won't be one hundred percent until you discover your own talent, but it's a good sign, trust me." She then smirks. "Also, I'm glad to see your afternoon was well spent~"

"Pardon?" The heck does that mean? "Would you care to elaborate?"

"Nope," she says impishly, with Shining Armor raising an eyebrow, as even he's not sure what she means. "I'll tell you later, Shiny." Damn couple sharing bullshit. What's so damn funny and what is she looking so satisfied about? "All set?"

"Yeah, I've got it covered," Shining Armor replies, his horn flaring with pink light, causing the whole room to light up, showing the once invisible array of wards he has in place, which fade once the light of his magic does the same. "All wards intact and ready to go."

"Alright, Artemis, whenever you're ready we can start," Cadance says to me, offering me another smile now that she's done being all irritatingly mysterious like her "aunt". Still, better to just bite the bullet and get it over with, I suppose. I take a deep breath and rise into the air, wings flapping steadily to keep me hovering next to the clouds, which I eye like a snake coiled and ready to strike at the slightest provocation. "Come on, Artemis, it'll be fine. Trust me." Right. Sure. Of course it'll be fine. No problem. I slowly reach out and gently prod the nearest puff of dark grey condensed water vapor with one hoof, tensing as I feel the energy stored within them even through the metal of my hoof guard. When it doesn't immediately erupt into a conflagration of discharged electrostatic death I touch it again, more firmly this time.

"Right," I murmur as I place a second hoof against the springy, spongy surface, shivering as that feeling of stored up destructive potential tickles my nerves anew. "You've seen ponies doing this before, Artemis," I remind myself quietly, swallowing thickly as I prepare to move the clouds. "No problem, right?"

"Is he talking to himself?" Shining Armor asks Cadance, just loud enough that I know he meant for me to hear it.

"Shush, Shiny," Cadance admonishes him softly. "Let him concentrate." Yeah, Shiny, let me concentrate! It's not like I'm handling what amounts to as an electrostatic bomb here or anything! Okay, okay, calm down and focus, big guy. You've got this. Don't try to force it, whatever that means. Gently...why is it vibrating?

"Sweet Celestia!"

"Shiny, the wards!"

"...fuck my life."

And then the room explodes into a mess of shouting, singed hair and ricocheting lightning bolts. Truly the world hates me. There's no other explanation for how I've managed to fuck up the simplest of pegasus magic. Oh well. Guess I'm just not meant to master this particular aspect of being an alicorn, is all.

"Well," Cadance says once it's all said and done, the three of us drenched as one of the lightning bolts managed to trigger an anti-fire ward Shining Armor had set up. "I have to say, Artemis, that I'm impressed. I've never seen anypony coax such a storm out of a handful of rain clouds before."

"It's a talent," I grumble, giving myself a shake like a wet dog, Cadance and Shining Armor cringing as water droplets are sent spraying everywhere. "Hey, maybe that's what my 'cutie mark' will be in; causing disasters."

"I'm starting to believe you might be right," Shining Armor comments, only to wince as Cadance punches his shoulder with one metal-shod hoof. "Ow! Faust above, Cadie, what was that for?"

"Being negative isn't helping," she points out, frowning as she pushes a clump of water plastered mane out of her face. "I don't understand it. You shouldn't have so much trouble with this aspect of your magic."

"Maybe I'm just not meant to be a weatherpony," I suggest, blinking rapidly as a bit of water gets in my eye. "I mean, I don't have any trouble walking on them. But the second I try to do anything else..." I trail off, gesturing around to the various scorch marks on the walls. "Boom."

"There must be some rational explanation," Cadance reasons, her coat and mane poofing a bit as her horn lights up, using a similar method to the one I came up with to dry off. Moments later she's back to her usual pristine self, a fact Shining Armor doesn't appreciate, based on the stink eye the unicorn guard captain gives her when the pink alicorn isn't looking. I get a rather dirty look myself when I demonstrate my own drying technique. "Oh, I know! We could write to Twilight about it." Wait, what?

"Are you sure about that, Cadie?" Shining Armor asks, his tail twisting in the grip of his magic to wring the water out of it. "I mean, there have to be experts here we can contact first. Plus, you know..." He trails off uncomfortably, glancing my way as if afraid he'll hurt my feelings.

"I dunno how you two know her, but she seemed fine with me the last time we spoke," I say, earning a wince from Cadance and a shocked expression from Shining Armor. "Okay, what did I do now? Is my tail on fire or what?" Really don't need to be setting off another anti-fire ward. I just got dry and getting drenched again isn't on my list of priorities.

"You spoke to Twily recently?" Shining Armor asks, Cadance shaking her head at me and mouthing the word "no" emphatically. The hell is going on here? Why would she want me to lie?

"Yeah, I did," I reply casually, glancing between the two of them in confusion. "Why?" Cadance actually facepalms...facehoofs. Whatever, she does it. Shining Armor, meanwhile, looks puzzled.

"Cadie, what's wrong?" He asks the obviously uncomfortable princess, who chuckles awkwardly. "Come on, hun. You know you can tell me anything." Oh dear. This can't be good, given the look on Cadance's face.

"Well..."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Princess Celestia hums to herself as she goes over the day's various political documents and bureaucratic paperwork, a steaming cup of tea sitting on the corner of her desk as her quill scratches across the parchment in front of her, her signature brought to life in elegant detail. Just when she's about to roll the document up and place her official seal upon it, however, the whole castle suffers a minor tremor as an incredulously angry shout echoes through its halls.

"Princess Celestia did WHAT?!" She'd recognize that voice anywhere, the alicorn sighing as she rescues her tea from falling to the floor. It seems she will once again have to speak to somepony about her decision to send Twilight and her friends into danger and, this time, it will be her own captain of the guard. Not a conversation she's looking forward to having, that's for certain.

"Faust save me from overprotective siblings," she mutters, stamping her seal onto the scroll and adding it to her "out" pile. "And from silly mares who try to hide things from their partners."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I'm starting to feel like a bit of a fifth wheel as I watch Shining Armor pacing the room, hooves clicking against the tile floor angrily, while Cadance tries to sooth his brotherly instincts. I should've guessed he was related to Purple Smart by their cutie marks, given they both have that pink starburst thing in them, but how was I supposed to know relatives can have similar marks?

"Now, Shiny, I know you're upset-" Cadance tries to sooth him, the guard captain stopping mid-stride to shoot her a rather nasty look in response.

"Upset? Upset?!" Oh, yeah, this is going to be good. "Cadance, why didn't you tell me about this?!"

"Probably because of the freak-out you're having right now," I mutter dryly, getting a rather unamused look from Cadance and a scathing glare from Shining Armor for my trouble. "Right, none of my business. Shutting up now."

"As indelicately as Artemis just put it, he's right," Cadance admits, causing me to smirk smugly when Shining Armor turns his attention back to his mare friend. "I knew you'd worry about it and that you'd storm out to tell Celestia off."

"You're damn right I would!" Shining Armor snaps, definitely not a happy camper at the moment. "She had no right to send my LSBFF into danger like that!" The fuck is a LSBFF and why wasn't I told that they're related before? I suppose the subject never came up, but still, it would've been nice to know.

"She didn't force Twilight to take the mission," Cadance points out calmly, not wanting to upset him any more than he already is, by my estimate. "Look, I wasn't happy with it either, but it's done. Twilight is fine, Shiny, I promise."

"It still doesn't excuse the fact that she put untrained civilians in danger," Shining Armor fumes. Thank you! Finally, a pony that's making sense! "Sending Princess Luna, even Artemis, to confront the dragon is one thing, but Element Bearers or not, Twilight and her friends shouldn't have been involved."

"I know, Shiny, and, believe me, I told her as much myself." Oh, really? Way to stand up to the establishment, pink princess. "Even Artemis and Luna did." Shining Armor glances my way and I wave for comedic effect, to which he snorts before turning his focus back to Cadance. "But she brought up a good point. The fact that they're the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony will inevitably place them in danger, whether any of us like it or not. Isn't it better to prepare them for it rather than to just let them face it in ignorance?" Shining Armor grinds his teeth, likely able to see her point but definitely still displeased about the whole thing. "No one was hurt and they've all learned just how dangerous the world can truly be. You can still tell Celestia how you feel, but please, love, don't do so in anger. Do so from the heart." Blech. Why'd she have to make it sound all mushy? And here I was looking forward to seeing puffed up Captain Armor here rant and rave at old Sun Butt. Phooey.

"Fine," Shining Armor grunts at last, his shoulders sagging as the wind goes out of his sails. "You still shouldn't have kept it from me, Cadance."

"I know, love," Cadance agrees, sounding contrite. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." She offers him a hopeful smile. "Forgive me?" He seems to chew it over for a bit before sighing and returning the smile with a small one of his own.

"Just this once," he replies, the two sharing a tender kiss, to which I gag childishly. "Don't be jealous, Artemis. I'm sure you'll find a good mare someday."

"Yeah, sure, jealous," I mutter dismissively, though the twinge in my chest says otherwise. "Seeing two alien equines sucking face totally has me feeling envious here." Again, what's with the secretive, amused look from Cadance? Ugh, females. No matter the species they're always confusing. "Well, since this lesson's a bust, I'll leave you two to deal with the fallout." I charge my magic through my horn, preparing to depart, having learned a nifty little spell recently that I intended to put to good use before they can protest. "Bye!" Then, with the feeling of someone trying to turn me inside out from where my navel would be if I were human, I teleport away, intent on a hot shower to make up for the fact I just got drenched with an absolute truckload of freezing cold water a few minutes earlier. And I appear a good five feet above the floor. "Bollocks."

Indeed, it seems I can't catch a break, my "graceful" landing just driving this point home. Still, the whole day wasn't a total loss and, with my plans for next Saturday, I still have something to look forward to. Maybe things will work out in the end, maybe they won't. At least I'll have some fun along the way.

Chapter 6: Your Sister is a Mad Scientist, Shiny

Her face stares up at me, head twisted around at an impossible angle; those dead, vacant eyes seeming to taunt me. Again, the scene shifts, and the bodies crushed beneath the rubble fill my vision, the stench of blood and death stinging my nostrils. Finally it's Celestia, her head just about paste beneath my hooves, blood, bits of bone and brain matter staining my armor. I really do hate this dream, but nothing I do changes it. Night after night it still haunts me. So much for getting better, right?

"As if such guilt could be so easily swept aside." I know that voice. Why is she in my dream? She's never been in it before. "I am here because you need to move past this, Artemis. It serves no purpose to dwell upon it but to cause you pain." I look up from Celestia's mangled body, a much changed Luna standing nearby, her coat and mane having darkened even more than mine. Also, is she taller? It's kind of hard to tell, considering as the Nightmare we were about as tall as Celestia.

"And how do I do that?" I ask glumly, the scene shifting yet again, this time to the moon's cold, dead surface. Ash stains my black coat as I stand in the middle of the dark remnants left behind by the shadows I butchered. "If I hadn't had some weird crisis of conscience—"

"But you had it nonetheless," Luna reminds me. "That does not speak of a twisted, evil being intent only on causing pain. It speaks of a stallion who, despite the things that were done to him, still strives to be better than what the monster that sought to use him for her benefit made him to be." I sigh wearily.

"Yeah, I'm not a monster, you were, blah blah blah," I intone dryly. "We've been over this. Several times. But, like you said, it doesn't change how I feel." I shake my head, trying to will the images away, only for the scene to turn into Ponyville, the residents strewn about its streets, dead or dying I don't know. "Oh come on, brain, I didn't even hurt anyone there!" Then it is swept away, turning into meadow at night, the stars twinkling softly overhead. "Huh. Well, that's better." I hear Luna giggle. "What's so funny?"

"That was my doing, brother," she informs me, my eyes widening a touch. "As princess of the night, the dreams of all are mine to safeguard." She grimaces. "Until now you've proven...difficult to reach. I do not know what changed, perhaps Pinkamena's party, perhaps not, but it was not so difficult to enter your dreamscape this time."

"That seems an extreme invasion of privacy," I remark glibly, glad to not be reliving my past anymore at least. "What happens if you walk into something intimate?"

"I have not made such a mistake since I first began entering the dreams of others," Luna replies, waving one hoof dismissively. "Back then I had to actually enter the dream to get an idea of its contents. Now nightmares are foal's play to distinguish from more...pleasant things."

"Right," I drawl, shuffling my wings and shifting my weight as I try not to think too hard about any of that. "So...what now?"

"Now you wake up and get ready to receive Dame Twilight."

"Wait, wha—"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

And I'm awake, feeling more exhausted than when I went to bed in the first place. And Luna can pop into people's dreams. Neat. Christ, it's still dark. What time is it?

"Too fucking early, that's what," I grumble as I sit up, the bed sheets falling away as I yawn and stretch languidly. "I hope the kitchens have some coffee ready. I'm gonna need a lot to deal with today." Honestly, I'm not sure what to even expect. I barely know Twilight Sparkle, after all. Apparently she's not only talented with magic, but also an expert in all sorts of different subjects that said talent applies to. Purple Smart is definitely a good nickname if that's indeed the case. So, from what I recall about today's schedule, I have my morning appointment with my therapist, then Twilight is going to arrive roughly around 10 am and from there… well, we'll see I suppose. Still not sure this is a good idea. I mean, what can a unicorn really know about pegasus magic? Guess I'll find out. First objective, though, is to find some coffee. Maybe some breakfast once I've had my first cup.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Turns out that it's five forty three in the morning, just before Luna and Celestia switch places for the day at six. Like I said, way too damn early. Still, I've managed to learn something interesting. Celestia makes breakfast in the morning. Stacks of pancakes with cutesy little designs on them, a plate of which I'm staring at with strawberries for eyes, a whipped cream nose and a smile made of blueberries.

"Do you not like pancakes?" Celestia asks hesitantly, causing me to look up and blink at her blearily. "I could make you something else if you wish." I open my mouth, close it, then take a sip of my heavily doctored coffee, needing to be more awake if I'm going to deal with this strange scene.

"I..." I trail off, having a hard time putting my thoughts into words. "Am I still dreaming or is this actually happening?" This causes her to giggle and I'm left wondering what sort of strange world I've woken up to.

"I can understand your confusion," she says, smiling brightly. "You're used to seeing me in my official capacity, after all. You've never been awake early enough to see me outside of my role as princess." Okay, that's true I suppose. I usually wake up around when Twilight will be arriving today and Celestia's already well into her work day by that point. "But please, no need to stand on ceremony here. Like I said, I can always whip up something else if you like, since we still have time before Luna and I trade shifts."

"I like pancakes just fine," I tell her groggily, frowning at the oddly cute breakfast she'd obviously put quite some effort into making. "I'm just… still waking up." I catch her nodding her understanding in my peripheral vision.

"Take your time," she says, her own stack already half finished. "There's no rush, after all." I then notice a third plate causing me to blink at it curiously.

"Oh, that's Luna's," Celestia pipes up, noticing my gaze. Is that hesitation I hear again or am I imagining it due to my brain not firing on all cylinders yet? "I like to have it ready for her so she can eat before she heads to bed for the day."

"Speaking of which," I begin while picking up a fork so I can try Celestia's cooking. "How did you know I'd be awake early enough to eat this?"

"I couldn't be sure, of course, but I figured you'd wake up earlier given your appointment this morning, followed by meeting with Twilight," Celestia replies, tone turning softer, warmer, at the mention of the young mare. "I'm confident that, whatever is causing you issues mastering your pegasus magic, she will be able to help you find the answer." I cut a section of pancake stack and take a bite, eyes widening as my mouth explodes with flavor. Jesus, what did she put in here, edible bliss? Everything I've had since I stopped being a raving lunatic has been good, thus far at least, but this is something else. "I take it you like my cooking, then~?" Her tone is playfully teasing and I shoot her a dirty look, which she responds to with another smile. "I'm glad. From what the chefs have told me, your usual breakfast is a little on the bland side, if you don't mind me saying so." I finish the first bite and barely refrain from just wholesale devouring the rest, but only through herculean levels of effort.

"That's because I'm usually too tired to care about what I eat," I say, my usual breakfast being some variety of cereal and three cups of coffee. If I could get this every morning… hngn, damn, what do I do? Sleep in or enjoy the cooking of a mare who's had literal centuries to perfect her craft? "And are you seriously keeping tabs on me to the point where you know what I usually have for breakfast?"

"Of course," she replies in a chipper tone, completely ignoring how the fact she does so is extremely creepy. "What sort of older sibling would I be if I wasn't making sure that you eat properly?" I raise an eyebrow at this, as we both know full well that we aren't actually related. "I know, I know, it's none of my business." And now I'm having the strangest feeling of deja vu. Weird. "But, despite what you, understandably, believe, I do care about your well being, Artemis." How do I respond to that? She's been both my opponent and jailer, yet now here she is acting like… like we're actually family. What the actual fuck is going on right now?

"I don't understand you," I say to her, feeling quite confused at the moment. "I don't… what even is this?" Is this really happening right now? Roughly two months ago we were beating each other half to death, now here I am eating pancakes at the same table with the very mare I have nightmares about murdering with my own hooves.

"This is my fault," Celestia says, fork paused halfway between her plate and her mouth as she frowns severely. "I started off our relationship in the worst way; by treating you like a threat." Which I can understand. This, though? Not so much. "I know it is unlikely to help, but I am sorry." She offers me a small, apologetic, smile. "Can we start over, perhaps put aside the past?"

What do I say? I mean, I hated her for so long. But then she's not asking me to forget what went on between us, just to try and look beyond it. Should I? Can I? Well, whether I can or not, I'd like to try. If I'm going to continue living with her, we need to not be enemies. Besides, this breakfast is to die for. How can I hate someone who cooks like this?

"I'm willing to try," I say begrudgingly, taking another bite of the heavenly cake of pan. Cake of pan? Christ, I need more coffee. "Keep cooking like this and I might even keep waking up earlier." Maybe. No promises. Still, it makes her smile widen, so I guess that's a good thing? I hope it is, anyway.

"Thank you, by the way. For breakfast." Wow, okay, I didn't know a simple thank you could make someone's eyes light up like that.

"You're very welcome," she replies happily and I even manage a tiny smile. Maybe this won't be so bad. Better than walking on eggshells around each other, right? "Now, eat up before it gets cold."

"Yes, mother," I quip dryly, though I do get back to my meal. It's still an awkward affair, but it's also not so bad. Maybe, just maybe, this is a first step to something better? I won't hold my breath, mind you, but it's a possibility.

“Oh, good morning, sister.” The sound of Celestia’s voice draws my attention from my breakfast, the doors to the dining room having opened to admit a rather… tired looking Luna. And when I say tired, I mean she looks like death warmed over. Luna, reminding me of myself, creepily enough, lets out a soft grunt of acknowledgement in response, almost stumbling over to the table and blearily looking over its contents.

“Uh… you alright there?” I ask, pausing to take a swig of my coffee. “I don’t want to sound rude, or whatever, but you don’t look so good.” She hardly even seems to hear me, eyes flicking in my direction only briefly as she selects an orange from the small array of fruit in the center of the table, seemingly oblivious to the stack of pancakes just about under her nose. “You know, you might want to-” And she just took a bite out of the orange like it’s an apple, rind and all. Yuck. “Ooookay then.”

“Going to bed,” she mutters around her mouthful of fruit, again seeming rather out of it. “Good day.” And she sort of just stumbles off, munching on the orange as she goes.

“Jesus,” I remark as she departs, finding myself feeling strangely worried by this display. “Is that normal for her or what?”

“Luna’s been like that every morning since she started taking up her nightly duties again,” Celestia replies, taking a moment to dispose of the perfectly good plate of breakfast she’d prepared for her sister. Do ponies not have refrigerators or something? What a waste of food. “I’ve tried asking her about it, but… well, you saw what she’s like. I either get no response at all or one that makes absolutely no sense.”

“Have you tried talking to her before you switch over in the evening?” I ask, pausing to take another bite of my food. “I mean, she’s bound to be coherent then, right?”

“The idea has crossed my mind,” Celestia admits, going back to her own breakfast. “But by then I’m usually too worn out from my own duties to do anything other than lower the sun and fall into bed.” She sighs softly. “A thousand years later and still we have somehow managed to fall into the same patterns, the same routines. I worry that, despite the fact I have her back, that I am missing time that should be spent getting to know her again.”

“Have you ever considered, oh, I don’t know, taking a day off?” I ask, frowning across the table at her. “You’re one of the most powerful ponies in the nation, for fuck’s sake. Even the goddamn president gets to go on retreats.”

“I assume you are speaking of your home world,” Celestia says, to which I nod. “While I do not know how your world’s government functions, here I have many things that require my attention on a day to day basis.”

“And there’s really no one you can delegate these tasks to?” I shake my head at her. “Not even for a single day?”

“Well, perhaps Cadance, but—” She stops and stares at me in silence, head tilting to the side slightly as her gaze seems to burn a hole straight through my head.

“What?” I ask, fighting the urge to squirm under her intense staring. “You’ve thought of something and that worries me.”

“Tell me, Artemis,” she begins, that certain twinkle in her eyes that makes me want to dig a hole and hide myself in it. “You’ve been learning our laws as part of your curriculum, correct?” I give the barest of nods. “And how would you say you’re doing on that subject?”

“I know enough not to get myself arrested,” I reply, not liking where this is going. “Why?” And she smiles, causing the lightbulb to turn on in my head. “No. No, no way in hell am I dealing with bureaucracy!”

“You’d do fine,” she assures me, finishing her meal and rising from her seat. “The night court is, from all accounts, hardly busy at all and, since you cannot use the magic Luna does to monitor dreams, you wouldn’t have to worry about that.”

“Yeah, great, but what about that?” I scramble for something to get me out of this. “I mean, you can’t just—”

“Oh, please. Our ponies dealt with their bad dreams on their own for a thousand years,” Celestia says dismissively, cutting me off as she walks around the table, likely heading to the kitchens to dispose of her plate. “One night won’t kill them.”

“You can’t make me do this, Celestia,” I point out, breakfast quite forgotten as I follow her path out of the dining room with my gaze. “Hey! I said no! Don’t you fucking ignore me, Sun Butt!” She just smiles that infuriating smile and opens the door, leaving the room. “This has to be against some sort of law! I know you can hear me, damn it!” My protests are answered by the door swinging shut behind her. “Fuck me, what have I done?”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“...and that’s why I’m rather confused about how I should feel,” I finish explaining to my therapist, going over how odd my morning had been, including that last little evil exchange Celestia and I had before she left me to contemplate my mistake. “Do I hate her? Do I respect her? Do I think she’s evil incarnate?” I snort softly. “Okay, that last one is kinda ridiculous, but still! Bureaucracy, Miss Emerald! Cunting bureaucracy!” I shudder, folding my forelegs in against my chest and wishing I still had arms to hug myself with.

“I shouldn’t have opened my mouth, but nooooo! I had to let them infect me with their stupid compassion!” I feel my ears folding against my mane as I huff in annoyance. “Am I crazy? I mean, I know I was before they blasted me with the rainbow doom laser, but did they miss something? I sometimes find myself wondering if that’s the case.”

“You’re not crazy, Prince Artemis,” Emerald Gleam, my therapist, assures me patiently. “Troubled? Yes. Emotionally scarred? With your past, who wouldn’t be? But you are most definitely not crazy.” I look over to see her gazing at me over the rim of her clipboard. “You have made good progress, your highness. Don’t let yourself fall back on bad habits, not when you’re doing so well.” I guess she has a point. I mean, I wouldn’t even talk to her when we first started doing this and now here I am, laying back on the comfy couch and just talking to her with no trouble whatsoever.

“Now, remember, it’s okay to doubt yourself now and then, but don’t dwell on these feelings, your highness. It won’t help you to fall into a funk over your mistakes, right?” I nod slightly, sighing as I sit up, our session a short one today given my scheduled meeting with one lavender colored young mare. “Have you given any thought to my suggestion, by the way?”

“What, keeping a journal?” I can’t help but roll my eyes. “Look, I get what you trying to do with that, but no thanks.” I hop off the couch and stretch, grimacing as something in my back cracks. “Last thing I need is for someone to find and read my innermost thoughts put down on paper. Like Shining Armor.”

“Now do you really think he’d invade your privacy like that?” Emerald asks, and her tone points out how silly my worry is. “Captain Armor is a good stallion, by all accounts, and Princess Cadenza certainly seems to agree.” I roll my eyes again, to which she clucks her tongue. “Which reminds me of something. How is Nymphadora doing?” Oh great, here we go.

“She’s fine,” I reply, ready to head this nonsense off at the pass. “And no, it wasn’t a date! I don’t care what you silly ponies think. It was just a friendly little outing and that’s all.”

“If you say so,” Emerald says in a tone suggesting she doesn’t believe me. “Alright, that’s all for today, I’m afraid. Good luck with your meeting with Celestia’s student.” Something about how she said that bothers me, though I’m not sure why. “Now, shoo; I have other ponies that require my attention.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It’s not even an hour later that I’m sitting in front of a full length mirror, wincing as Cadance pulls a brush through my mane, trying to make me look “presentable”. Good luck, pinks. You’re gonna need it.

“What’s the big deal?” I ask, grimacing as the brush tugs out a particularly thick knot of hair. “I don’t think Twilight Sparkle is going to care about my mane.” Then again, what do I really know about her? Next to nothing, but still, this is stupid. What does helping me learn what my issue regarding controlling my pegasus magic has to do with whether or not my mane is properly brushed?

“You want to make a good impression, don’t you?” Not really, but I doubt you actually care about my opinion at this point. “You’re a prince, Artemis. You need to look your best.”

“She’s seen me lying in a bloody, broken heap,” I remind her dryly. “Looking my best isn’t going to wipe that memory from her mind, nor will it make her forget the time I came this close,” I hold my forehooves a centimeter apart, “to murdering her teacher and friends.”

“No, but it just might help give you both a chance at a fresh start,” Cadance says as she finishes fussing over my mane, putting it into a simple braid instead of the pony tail I usually tie it in. “Hmmmm.” She looks me over with a critical eye. “Just one last thing.” Her horn flashes with power and an aura of her magic appears around my peytral and leg guards, leaving them shining as if freshly buffed and polished once it passes.

“There.” I take a moment to look at myself and, honestly, I hardly recognize the pony standing in the mirror. I seem to have grown a little in the past few months, my body having filled out a bit, as if I’m going through puberty or something. My coat color is darker, as is that of my mane and tail. The changes, by themselves, are hardly anywhere near what someone would call extreme, but all together it’s rather striking to see them nonetheless. “Something wrong?”

“No,” I reply immediately, not wanting her to worry over nothing. “I was just thinking.” I press a hoof to my peytral, the supposed measure the council had wanted taken to ensure my freedom, and take a deep breath. “Okay, let’s do this.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“Now, remember to be patient with her,” Cadance instructs me as we near the library after our little jaunt through the palace halls. “She can be a little… excitable.” I’ll have to take her word on that, as I’ve only met the young mare twice. We reach the doors and Cadance pushes them open, smiling brightly as she spots Twilight, who beams happily.

“Cadance!” The younger mare greets her happily, the two of them beginning what I can only describe as a silly little dance number accompanied by a short rhyme.

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!” I can only stare as they giggle before hugging, jaw hanging open slightly in shock. Did they just wiggle their asses at each other or was I seeing things? “Oh, Prince Artemis!” The lavender unicorn grins at the sight of me, an odd reaction given our past encounters but whatever. “I’m so happy Princess Celestia chose me to help you with your magical problem. There were so many questions I never got to ask you before and I’d love the chance to interview you once we’re finished.”

“There will be time enough for that later, Twilight,” Cadance assures her, the look I shoot her caught between incredulous and betrayed. Excitable? She’s bordering on Pinkie Pie levels with how her eyes are shining with her interest in me. The hell have I gotten myself into now? “Now, much as I’d love to stick around, Auntie Celestia wants to brief me on something that she said was rather important.” Gee, I wonder what that could be? “I promise we’ll have time to catch up once you’re finished here, though, Twilight.” They exchange another hug before the pink alicorn moves to depart. “Play nice,” she whispers to me as she passes.

“Traitor,” I mutter back, able to catch her eyes rolling at my comment. Once the door closes behind her, I turn my attention back to Twilight; only to see her holding a stack of paper and a quill, a giddy smile on her face. “So… where should we start, Miss Expert?”

“I was hoping we could start with your planet of origin,” she replies, having seemingly completely forgotten why we’re here. “I only know a little from what Princess Celestia’s been willing to tell me, so having the opportunity to speak with an actual being from another world is so exciting!” I wince, her voice having increased in pitch from her obvious excitement towards the end there.

“Uh… right.” I shake my head, ears flicking as they ring a little from the pitch of her squeal just now. “Actually I meant where should we start in regards to my problem? Namely how whenever I touch a cloud to do more than stand on it, I somehow cause them to explode.” I see her blush, the mare’s ears folding back as she gives an awkward sounding laugh, likely embarrassed by how she’d just been geeking out.

“Sorry,” she says, stashing the papers and quill away… somewhere. Seriously, where did they go? Do ponies have access to hammer space or what? “It’s just that, despite multiple theories regarding other worlds and extraterrestrial life, nopony has ever had the opportunity to actually prove that we’re not alone in the universe.” She takes a moment to clear her throat, levitating a set of bulging saddlebags from an overburdened, ominously groaning, table, setting them down nearby with an audible thunk. What does she have in those things? Bricks? “Now, I’ve brought along everything I could find on the subject of pegasus, and alicorn, magic in general.” From one side she levitates out a dozen… wait, how did they all fit in there? Is it a bag of holding? Another dimension stuffed into a bag? Why do ponies have to defy logic so fucking much?! “Are you okay? Your, um, cheek is twitching.”

“Eh?” She’s right. I can feel the muscle spasming involuntarily even as I try to stop it. “Oh, um… nevermind.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Please, Miss Sparkle, continue.”

“Just Twilight is fine,” she says, setting the books out into three different piles, the third much smaller than the other two. “Sadly documents on alicorn magic are rare, but fortunately pegasus magic has been well documented over the years. Not only that, I happen to know a fairly skilled flier who also happens to be the weather manager of Ponyville and she was more than happy to tell me everything she knew on the subject.” A small binder is added to the pile, looking like it’s filled to the brim with hand-hoof-horn… fuck it. She took notes. Lots of ‘em. “So, let’s start with a few questions. First, can you describe what it was like the first time you experienced an accidental electrostatic discharge?”

“Like I stuck a fork in a wall socket,” I reply, tone as dry as dry can be. To my surprise, she doesn’t question what a wall socket is. I guess ponies have electricity? Honestly it’s hard to tell in the palace. Actually, now that I think about it, where in God’s name does the light in the palace come from? I don’t remember ever seeing any light fixtures, but then again I’m not usually studying the walls or ceiling. I decide to look up, frowning as I don’t notice any fixtures that could be pointed to as obvious sources of light. A spell, maybe? I mean, the place is really, really old, so I suppose it’s possible. Wait, in the restaurant! There were hanging lights! Ha, problem solved. Ponies have electricity.

“...hello? Prince Artemis?” Oh, great, I was spacing out. “Is something wrong? You were kind of staring up into space for a bit there.”

“Sorry, it’s nothing.” God damn it, great impression you’re making, “Prince”. “Please, continue.”

“Uh, well, as I was saying, it’s not unusual for somepony to have trouble controlling their magic.” She looks off to the side, as if uncomfortable. “Of course they’re usually foals, but in your case it might be attributed to the fact you’re not in a familiar body.” She frowns slightly as she goes over some notes. “Of course according to Cadance you’ve proven to be adept at controlling the other aspects of your magic.” She chews the inside of one cheek, tapping the feathered end of a quill against her chin thoughtfully. “Strange.”

“Yeah, I’ll admit, it’s kinda weird,” I agree, shuffling my hooves a bit as I remember how that rain cloud just about exploded on me. “I can levitate an egg without crushing it or throw a tree across the yard, even control my speed and strength with ease, but the second I try to do anything related to manipulating the weather, it blows up in my face. Literally. It’s like…” I trail off, trying to come up with the words to describe how it had felt before the cloud had discharged for seemingly no reason. “Like I’d tapped into something. Something greater than what lay within the cloud itself.” I frown, wondering where that had come from. “Sorry, that sounds dumb. I don’t know how to explain it, really, so don’t listen to me.” I hear the scratch of quill on paper, Twilight having been taking down what I’d been saying verbatim, apparently. “What are you doing?”

“Taking notes?” Twilight answers uncertainly as she looks up from the paper. No shit, ,Sherlock. No, be nice. She’s just some smart kid that Cadance thinks can help. No need to be a dick when all she’s doing is offering her assistance. And waiting for the chance to pick my brain. Can’t forget that. “It helps me to have a detailed set of them on hoof, in case I need to reference something about it later and can’t recall all the details off the top of my head.” She’s chewing the inside of her cheek again. How cute, she has a tell for when she’s puzzling over something.

“Now, from what Cadance has told me, and by your own testimony, you’ve drawn more energy out of the clouds than was initially stored in them. Is that about right?” I nod, prompting her to continue, several of the books levitating from their piles to hover open in front of her. I watch as her eyes scan their contents, the pages turning rapidly. Talk about speed reading. “There’s just about no reference to such a phenomenon in these.” She sounds rather distressed by this fact.

“So not only am I unique as a body snatching alien from beyond the stars, but I’m also the first case of spontaneous cloud combustion.” I let out a weary sigh. “Wonderful.”

“Isn’t it?” Oh, lovely, she sounds excited again. “This could lead to some new breakthrough in how we view pegasus and alicorn magic!” I grit my teeth as she hits that note again. Damn, why do girls do that whenever they’re super into something? It’s like it’s just designed to set your teeth on edge. “Sorry, sorry, got carried away again.” She visibly has to put effort into restraining her enthusiasm over this. It’s almost adorable, really, but I’d like us to stay on track as much as possible. “Now, I could spend weeks poring through the Canterlot Archives looking for some other instance of somepony having the same problem you’ve been experiencing, but I have a much better idea.” From the second saddlebag she levitates a bunch of what look to be spare parts. The junk, as it turns out, is actually pieces of some sort of machine that looks, to be honest, homemade. “I suggest we conduct an experiment.”

“That doesn’t seem very safe,” I point out, eying the machine warily, wondering how sane my supposed helper is now that I’ve seen it.

“Oh, psh, it’s perfectly safe,” she assures me, making sure the… whatever it is, is all hooked up and solidly constructed before she beams at me. “Trust me, I know what I’m doing~”

“...I need an adult.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I eventually somehow end up with an upside down strainer on my head, about a dozen light bulbs and wires attached to it, along with far too many diodes attached to me for my sense of comfort, while Twilight adjusts dials and levers on her now humming and beeping mad science experiment. What in the actual fuck have I let Cadance talk me into?

“You really ought to relax,” the psycho in mare’s clothing says as she works. “It’ll affect the readings if you’re stressed out like this.” Oh, will it really? I wonder how in the world I could possibly be stressed! “Once I’ve drawn the containment circle and brought in some clouds to test with we can begin the experiment.” She smiles at me in what is likely meant to be a reassuring manner, but it only serves to increase the tension thrumming through my body at the moment. “It’ll be fine, Prince Artemis. I know what I’m doing.”

“I’m really starting to doubt that,” I mutter to myself, considering the option of simply legging it as she starts to draw the most complex containment array I’ve ever seen around me and the machine. No, just give her a chance. Cadance wouldn’t have brought her if she didn’t think the young mare could be of help. “Are you sure about this?” I ask more loudly, watching her work.

“Absolutely,” she replies, her rump waving in the air as she concentrates on sketching out the arcane formulae. It’s really advanced looking stuff, too. Strangely, though, I’m finding it hard to concentrate as I watch her butt moving back and forth. No… no way. I can’t possibly be going native. Can I? I decide to smack myself across the muzzle, just in case, though the pain and the stars that float around my noggin as a result are a rather unfortunate side effect of keeping my sanity intact. “The most efficient way to ascertain the true nature of this spontaneous combustion phenomenon is to conduct a study of how your magic interacts with the weather. This machine,” I glance at the rickety thing once I can see straight again, “will record every detail of our experiment. Hopefully that will allow us to come to a solid conclusion regarding your unique problem and give me enough data to find a solution.”

“And what happens if I manage to blow it up in the process?” I ask, the thing not exactly looking very well constructed after all.

“I know it looks rather hodgepodge in design, but I assure you that it will survive whatever happens inside the circle,” Twilight informs me as she finishes up said circle. “I’ve layered it with multiple fortification and magical resistance charms that will allow it to take even a fully charged concussive blast from a mature alicorn. In theory, anyway.” Great. “I’ve of course never had the chance to test the limits of its durability, but I’m fairly certain that it can handle whatever you can dish out.”

“If you’re sure,” I mutter, not liking this idea in the slightest. But Cadance trusts her and she seems like a smart cookie, so I guess I’ll let her try this idea of hers. I’m already hooked up to her shoddy looking doohickey anyway.

“I had Rainbow Dash collect different samples for me before leaving Ponyville,” Twilight tells me as she digs into her saddlebags, again. “In case I couldn’t find any references in my books.” She levitates a set of three jars, bits of cloud in each one, from a white, puffy one to an almost black one that crackles with energy. “This,” she says, holding up the first one, “will be our baseline sample. Rainbow assured me that even a foal could safely manipulate this.” Which means I’m likely to cause it to explode just by looking at it. Yay. “Just let me place these within the circle, activate it and then we can begin.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“Now, remember, don’t use your magic to open the jars,” Twilight reminds me from where she stands outside the now active containment circle. I have to say, the kid knows her stuff. I can practically feel the power of this thing thrumming over my coat. Maybe she isn’t quite as crazy as I first thought. “The machine is already recording, so whenever you’re ready.”

“Right.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, walking carefully over to the first jar, having to use my hooves to pick it up, something I don’t have very much practice with. It’s a difficult concept to grasp, no pun intended, using appendages not meant for fine manipulation in ways they’re not designed to be. So, you can imagine how difficult that makes opening a mason jar. I have to hold the jar in the bend of one leg, then press down on the top and twist, the whole affair extremely awkward to pull off, but somehow I manage it. I have to bring my teeth into it to get the stupid sealing cap off, but with a pop it comes free, all while Twilight Sparkle monitors and records every move I make.

Still, there it is, sitting in there, waiting for me to take it out. Except I’ve run into another problem; my hoof won’t fit into the jar. I’m left staring at it, until I hear Twilight clear her throat, the young mare indicating I should tip the jar so the cloud falls out. I give her a flat look, then sigh and tip the jar, giving it a shake to get the cloud out. Her wince tells me she didn’t mean for me to shake it, but oh well, the cloud is now free of the jar. It just floats there innocently, but I’m onto its game. It just wants me to think that it’s harmless, but that’s just a trick to lure me into… what am I doing?

“Get it together,” I tell myself, knowing I’m just trying to stall, not wanting to make a mess of the library, of all places. I have a feeling the powers that be would frown on that, not to mention the bibliophile that’s probably wondering what’s taking me so long. Suck it up, Artemis, and just do it already! I grit my teeth and reach out with one hoof, the cloud feeling spongy and soft, and not at all threatening. But I can feel something, just under the surface. Not energy in the cloud, not really, but more like… I don’t know how to explain it. Like the energy it has the potential to hold? But that doesn’t make any sense. Of course nothing about this place has ever made sense, so why would this?

“It’s already recording a reaction,” Twilight comments, an undercurrent of excitement in her tone as the machine seems to be doing… something. “Focus on the experiment!” Right, right. I manage to move it this time at least, brow furrowing in concentration as I try not to somehow unleash this strange potential I feel in the cloud. What even is this? I bring my other forehoof into play, lightly squishing it, even passing it from hoof to hoof, all while feeling this strange, inexplicable sensation. The cloud sparks, causing me to tense, feeling the energy through my hooves. I kind of want to drop it, but somehow I doubt Twilight would take kindly to me abruptly cutting her little experiment short.

It sparks a few more times, but it doesn’t project a bolt of lightning like the larger one Cadance and Shining had me first practice on did. Maybe the size has something to do with it? Hell if I know, honestly. I eventually put it back in the jar and push it off to the side, feeling a tension I hadn’t realized was in me slowly melting away now that I’m no longer playing with the proverbial gas can and packet of matches. Then I look at the other jars and the tension is back. The second cloud is a bit of rain cloud, according to the label, and I can immediately feel the difference even as I open the jar. More than potential energy, I can somehow feel the rain stored inside it. Is that normal? It’s not like I know much about this sort of thing beyond the bare bones stuff.

“Here we go,” I say as I once again tip a jar to let out a cloud, making sure not to shake this one. It makes a rumbling sound as it tumbles out, causing me to flinch. Damn, I am way too jumpy right now. Gotta relax. Easy now, Artemis. It won’t bite. It might explode, of course, but at least it won’t sprout teeth or do something equally ridiculous, like turn into cotton candy. So, with that in mind, I sit my flanks down and pick it up. I immediately regret doing so, the cloud giving an angry buzzing noise and discharging several lightning bolts, one hitting my peytral, the other two bouncing off the barrier created by the containment circle. The next thing I know I’m flat on my back, my ears ringing and the smell of burnt hair tickling my nostrils.

“Are you okay?” I hear Twilight ask, though she sounds very far away at the moment, likely because of the whole ears ringing thing. I open my mouth to say something and only groan, even as I roll over and get unsteadily to my hooves. “Prince Artemis?”

“Y-yeah,” I cough finally, waving one leg at her to ward off her concern. “Just got hit by a little lightning, no big deal.” Yeah, as the ache in my chest and the scorch mark on my peytral can attest. “At least tell me the machine got something useful from it.”

“I won’t know for sure until I study the data, but it went crazy just before the rain cloud discharged,” Twilight replies, sounding both puzzled and elated by this fact. “Though according to Rainbow Dash the cloud shouldn’t have been able to do that, at least not without you wanting it to.”

“And why, pray tell, would anyone want to cause a cloud to discharge like that?” I ask while dusting myself off. “Aside from psychotic idiots, that is.”

“Normally nopony,” Twilight replies, not surprising me in the least. “There are records of the EUP utilizing them in the past, though.”

“The what?” I ask, though the term does sound familiar.

“It’s the acronym for Equestria’s military,” Twilight explains. “Namely because of the ponies that make up its ranks. Earth ponies, unicorns and pegasi.” Now I remember. One of Cadance’s little history lessons mentioned them.

“Weaponized rain clouds,” I mutter with a shake of my head. “Why am I not surprised?” Humans would certainly do the same if they could. Maybe they can now, given how much time has passed, if they even still exist. Could be they bombed themselves into oblivion, or maybe they’re now living in some fairy tale utopian future ala Star Trek. Stranger things have happened, like a man getting himself stuffed into the body of a power crazed alicorn. “So what’s that one then?” I ask, pointing to the rather angry looking puff of cloud in the third jar.

“I’m not sure we should continue the experiment after that last reaction,” Twilight says, surprising me with this new sense of caution. “That’s a cloud sample from the weather over the Everfree. It’s practically wild magic and I don’t want you getting hurt because of it.” Ah, that explains it.

“I’m a big, tough alicorn, Twilight,” I assure her, trying to instill some confidence in the young mare. “I won’t be hurt—” too much “—by a little lightning.” She seems to consider it, torn between her curiosity and concern for my safety. “Look, I’m okay, really. That didn’t so much as tickle.” I am such a bald faced liar. “So hold onto your flanks, because we’re doing it live.” I grab up the third jar before she can protest, opening it and letting the puff of sparking wild cloud out of its confines. It doesn’t just float there stationary like the other two, growling as if angry as it hovers along, sounding like the grumpy old man of clouds.

“Please be careful,” Twilight says as I reach out to it and I offer her what I hope is an encouraging smile. Honestly, though, this one makes me even more nervous than the last two did. The jar must have had some sort of ward on it, because I hadn’t felt the energy from the wild cloud like I had with the “normal” rain cloud until it was free. Now, though, it’s like this prickling sensation along my coat, the smell of ozone evident even with so small a cloud as this. My hoof hovers just above it, little sparks from the wild cloud striking along my hoof, causing me to wince and draw back. “Are you—”

“I’m fine,” I assure her hurriedly, the sparks not really painful, having startled me more than anything else. “Okay, take two.” I ignore the sparking energy this time, pressing my hoof down on the cloud’s surface. Even in a tactile sense the cloud is different, like sticking my hoof into thick, sucking mud instead of the cottony consistency from the others. The potential energy, meanwhile, is much higher, and I feel it growing even as I try to think of how to stop it from exploding. My efforts, as it turns out, are completely laughable, like a child trying to hold back an avalanche. Whatever effect my magic has on the weather, the wild cloud seems to feed on it, growing in size and strength as lightning strikes out around the circle, thunder rumbling within its now black, billowy depths. “Well fuck me sideways.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Twilight watches, horrified, as the inside of the containment circle is consumed by the growing mass of wild cloud, flashes of energy able to be seen from within. The circle holds even as it crackles from the repeated lightning strikes, but she knows that, at this rate, it’s only a matter of time before this chain reaction Artemis’ magic triggered breaks free. Torn between trying to aid the trapped alicorn and going to find help, Twilight hesitates. In this moment of inaction, the containment circle shatters. This is beyond anything Twilight had anticipated, the young mare ducking and giving a frightened scream as lightning arcs over her head. For a few seconds the cloud expands, rumbling ominously as it sweeps outward, only to suddenly stop. Twilight looks up to see the rumbling mass quiver, rather unusual behavior for even a wild cloud of the Everfree, then begin to shrink inwards, swirling rapidly around where the containment circle used to be.

“What in Equestria?” She wonders aloud, only to flinch as twin pinpoints of light appear within the dark mass. “Sweet Celestia!” She exclaims as she recognizes them as eyes, shining a brilliant white as the cloud quivers again, only for another scream to escape her, this one startled, as the light explodes in a blinding corona, robbing her of her vision for several tense, oddly silent moments. When she can see again the cloud is gone, in its place the floating form of Artemis, wings spread wide. His eyes still shine with power, while his mane and tail spark and flash with energy, as if made from strands of lightning rather than hair. “P-Prince Artemis?” She calls to him, tone uncertain, but the alicorn doesn’t react to her words.

All at once the energy seems to leave him, eyes rolling up, the light in them gone, as his body falls to the floor, limp as a ragdoll. Twilight trots forward, unsure if she should even get close, but still her concern overrides her caution. He seems almost normal laying there, a soft groan escaping his unconscious form, Twilight’s eyes scanning him for injuries. None seem apparent, but there is one startling difference she cannot help but notice. His mane and tail have turned stark white, as if entirely leached of color. A side effect of his strange reaction to the wild magic? She couldn’t be certain, not without more data and her testing machine is only so much slag at the moment. So much for her claims of it withstanding anything he can dish out. The young mare grunts as she rolls him onto his side, trying to make him more comfortable, only to freeze when she hears the library doors open behind her. She turns her head, eyes widening, hopeful, as she sees who it is. “Princess Celestia!”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Celestia has seen many things in her life, both during her reign and before she ever ascended, when times had been simpler and the regal alicorn had been exceedingly sheltered and naive. Yet despite having lived so long and seen so much, some things always seem to end up surprising her. Take, for instance, her sister’s return to Equestria. She never imagined some alien entity would be somehow sucked from his home and into her sister’s corrupted body, then turned into a weapon, forged with the express purpose of killing her. That she would come to care about the alien’s wellbeing or that her sister would grow so attached to him. And now, as her student rushes to her, positive that her mentor can make things right, she can say with certainty that she hadn’t expected her lunch break to be interrupted by an explosion of wild magic from the library, of all places.

“Please, Princess, you have to help him,” Twilight pleads, her gaze drawn from Artemis’ prone, motionless form to the worried face of her dear student. “W-we were conducting an experiment a-and—”

“It’s okay, Twilight,” she interrupts her student gently, brushing a wing gently across the young mare’s mane, seeking to soothe her. “I promise, I’ll do everything I can to help, but first you need to calm down.” She watches as Twilight takes several deep breaths, her panic subsiding gradually. “That’s it. Now, tell me, what happened?” And so Twilight did, going over her meeting with Artemis, the experiment and the moment when everything went horribly wrong.

“And then he just dropped to the floor and hasn’t moved since,” Twilight finishes, starting to grow frantic again. “Can you help him?” Celestia, if she were to be honest, wasn’t sure. He is still breathing, at the very least, and seems for all the world to be simply asleep.

“I’ll do my best, Twilight,” she replies, moving Twilight gently to the side and striding over to him, horn glowing with soft golden light as she casts a diagnoses spell on the stallion. His body glows with her magic briefly and, though she is no doctor, she learns a fair bit about his physical condition. He is, indeed, unconscious, his heart beating steadily, breaths coming slow and evenly. His wellspring, the seat of his magic, is intact, if depleted, perhaps the reason he is not yet awake. Magical exhaustion, perhaps? What happened during the time the experiment went out of control… it sounds almost like an ascension, yet where is his cutie mark? Luna, Cadance, herself; they had all experienced a surge of magical power unlike any other, discovering their respective talents and earning their mantles of power. Day, Night, Love, they all underwent similar transformations, though Cadance still has yet to fully mature. So what had happened in this case?

“Physically he is fine,” Celestia assures Twilight as she ponders what this could all mean. “He’s suffering from a mild case of magical exhaustion, but otherwise I cannot detect any ailments or injuries.” She gives her student a warm smile. “He should be just fine.”

“Thank goodness,” Twilight says, shoulders sagging in relief. “I should have stopped the experiment. I knew it was a bad idea for him to interact with that wild cloud, but I let my curiosity override my good sense!” It is no surprise that her student blames herself, having always held a great sense of responsibility, something Celestia had been sure to nurture during their time as teacher and student. “W-what if he had been badly hurt? What if I’d destroyed part of the palace?” And then she sometimes takes it a tad too far, something Celestia had sadly been unable to rid the young mare of as of yet. “What if—”

“Boop,” Celestia says as she lightly pokes Twilight’s nose with one hoof, causing the unicorn to go cross-eyed and interrupting her tangent before it can get up a good head of steam. “Enough of that, my dear student. It is good you recognize and accept your part in this unfortunate accident, but it does no good to worry over what might have transpired. Instead, were I in your horseshoes, I would be grateful the damage was minor and that nopony was badly hurt.” She takes a moment to carefully levitate Artemis off of the floor, mindful to not jostle him overly much as she settles him across her back. “Learn from this experience, Twilight, and endeavor not to repeat it.”

“Yes, Princess,” Twilight says, smiling awkwardly, likely still feeling guilty. At least she isn’t on the verge of freaking out. “I’ll, um, start cleaning this up.” The library is indeed quite the sight, books strewn about all over the place, the floor, ceiling and walls scorched from lightning strikes.

“It is a frightful mess,” Celestia observes. “But for now, I want you to take some time and rest.” She raises a hoof as Twilight opens her mouth to protest. “No arguments, Twilight. I can tell you’re still stressed and worried about Artemis, and I can’t blame you for that, but right now you need to rest, eat something and destress. Others can deal with this and I have Artemis well in hoof.”

“Alright, Princess,” Twilight murmurs, clearly not happy but not about to argue with her, either. Another thing she’ll need to get past if her plans for the young mare come to fruition. But that is a matter for another time. She waits until Twilight leaves, making sure the unicorn is truly gone, before she turns her attention to the room. She concentrates her power, forming the spell matrix in her mind, and works her magic. The damage is repaired, the mess of Twilight’s machine consumed for the matter required to replace what was lost in the chaos, and the books returned to their shelves. Once satisfied that everything is back in order, Celestia departs, intent on returning Artemis to his room, with a monitoring ward placed on his room so she is notified when he eventually awakens.

“I can see why Luna is so attached to you,” she says quietly, even though Artemis cannot hear her. “You’re starting to remind me of him, too, with how much trouble you keep making for me.” She lets out an undignified sounding snort. “Just what I need. Two troublesome younger siblings instead of one.” She sighs wearily. “I’m liable to get wrinkles before I turn two thousand at this rate.” She eventually drops him off in his bed, tucking him in and glancing over his mane, frowning slightly. Her memories turn back the clock and she sees not a grown stallion, but a young colt, only for a shake of her head to dispel the illusion. No matter what strange magic may exist in this world, she doesn’t believe in reincarnation, especially not in this case.

“Just wishful thinking,” she whispers, turning away from the bed and walking out of the room, the door shutting softly behind her. “And I’m far too old and jaded to be believing in miracles.” Harmony or no Harmony, the dead stay dead, no matter how much you might wish it otherwise.

Chapter 7: Of Vice and Ponies

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Chapter 8: A Human in Princess Luna's Court

Author's Note

And we're back with my longest chapter yet! As always, feel free to let me know what you thought of it in the comments below and I hope each and every one of you has a nice day :twilightsmile:

Huge thanks to Fourpony for making my job easier and to my patrons for their continued support, including Calamababa, Canary In The Coal Mine, Ian Gordan, Robert Prime and Noah Brown. If you'd like to join them you can click right here: https://www.patreon.com/Crensler

Chapter 8: A Human in Princess Luna's Court

No amount of coffee, chocolate ice cream, or blows to the head can make this okay. I’m not even sure if this is actually happening right now, because I’m having a little trouble focusing as I plod along the hall escorted by the bat pony that woke me up in the first place. Turns out there’s a Night Guard. Who knew? Well, probably everyone but me, but that’s beside the point. I really hope this is some weird dream rather than what I know in my gut to be the truth. Celestia, in her infinite wisdom, decided to just line me up to take over for Luna during Night Court without even giving me the slightest bit of heads up beforehand. I am going to murder her the next time I see her, mark my words.

“Prince Artemis?” I stop mid stride, head turning slowly to glare tiredly at the guard, who’s pointing down the turn I just passed with his right forehoof. “The throne room is this way.”

“I knew that,” I lie groggily, giving my head a shake to clear the fog from my mind. No matter how it happened, I have to get my act together. She wants me to run Night Court? Fine. I’ll run the fucking Night Court. “So, how late am I?” I decide to ask, wondering if people are already waiting or what.

“Late enough that we shouldn’t tarry, your highness,” the guard replies, not waiting for me to catch up, much to my annoyance. I break into a light trot, coming abreast of the guardspony in short order, my mind slowly working through its boot up cycle as we quick-walk down the hall towards the throne room. I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but I swear to whatever god is listening that I will get Celestia back for this.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Celestia covers her muzzle with one fetlock, smothering a sneeze. By her estimate, Artemis is already on his way to Night Court, likely cursing her with every breath he takes. Not that she blames him, as her sudden departure, note or no note, was rather rude of her indeed. Still, he’d come to understand eventually, though this will likely kill whatever good will she managed to build with him the day before. But, given the report from Shining Armor that had recently crossed her desk, there was no time for formalities. Now, as for Luna… well, she is likely to bite her head off as soon as she learns the truth of their “vacation”.

“Are you certain Artemis will be able to carry out my duties?” Luna asks her for the fifth time since they departed Canterlot, forgoing their personal chariots in favor of flying under their own power. “He is only just now showing signs of recovery, sister, and I do not wish to retard his progress.”

“He will be fine, Luna,” Celestia assures her once again, the two of them traveling under the guises of pegasi, as they would be unable to avoid notice in their natural forms. “You really should try to relax and enjoy the trip.”

“A trip we are taking in the dead of night, in disguise,” Luna points out, causing Celestia to roll her eyes. “Honestly, Tia, I wonder as to the true nature of your motives.” Why does her sister have to be so savvy to her ways? It ruins the aura of mystique she tries to project when somepony decides to recklessly poke holes through it.

“You make me sound like some sinister puppeteer,” Celestia jokes, only to notice Luna raising an eyebrow at her. “Oh, come on, Lulu. You don’t truly believe the gossip mongers at court, do you?”

“No, but I do believe my own experiences and the anecdotal evidence provided by Niece Cadance,” Luna states, causing her older sister to look away, as if suddenly finding the night sky very interesting. “It seems she has grown quite accustomed to dealing with your, and I quote, ‘eccentricities’.”

“Traitorous little pink harlot,” Celestia grumbles under her breath, though there’s no real bite or venom to it. Cadance is a sweet girl, after all, and would likely only speak up if she felt she had to. Like when her dear aunt is being mysteriously cagey for no discernible reason. Damn, she’s really taught her too well. “Well, I had hoped to keep up appearances for just a bit longer, but, since you obviously have me figured out, I suppose I’ll go ahead and spill the beans.”

“Beans?” Luna sounds puzzled, causing Celestia to sigh. Right, of course Luna wouldn’t be entirely familiar with modern vernacular yet. “What does the spilling of dried food stuffs have to do with this?”

“It’s an expression, Lulu,” Celestia replies, shaking her head slightly. “It means I’ll be telling you the actual reason why we’re heading out tonight.”

“Oh, good,” Luna says, smiling slightly. “It saves me the trouble of having to pry it out of you one vague little piece at a time.”

“Am I really becoming so predictable?” Celestia asks, causing Luna to giggle.

“‘Tis the fate of all old nags, or so I hear,” the younger sibling jokes, Celestia blowing a raspberry at her in retaliation. “So, by all means, sister, ‘spill the beans’.”

“Well… “

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I stare at the now open book in front of me, my head pounding as I try to make out the complicated legalese in this supposed book for dummies. I decided to grab it in hopes it would actually help, but, from what little I can actually read, it seems Celestia simply enchanted the cover of a copy of Equestria’s tax code to change the title. Figures. Still, I doubt any amount of reading could prepare me for HOW FUCKING BORING THIS IS! My God, no wonder Luna went mad! I’ve been sitting on this throne for maybe twenty minutes and I’m already going insane. Between the tedium of nothing happening so far and my struggle to remain awake on this admittedly plush throne, I don’t know how I’ll last the entire night.

No, don’t be a quitter! Celestia wants you to make a fool of yourself, so you need to prove her wrong. I take a deep breath, sit up straight, put on my best regal expression and stare fixedly into space ahead of me, ignoring the odd weight atop my head. When I first arrived in the throne room, I was greeted by the sight of something sitting atop the throne. Two somethings, as a matter of fact. The first, and most noticeable, was a simple, golden crown. It bears no gems, no fancy filigree, just a simple, elegant, masculine design. Underneath it was a note, neatly folded and smelling faintly of day lilies. How cute. It read thusly:

Dear Artemis,

I’m certain you’ll want to burn this rather than read it, but I hope you can keep your understandable anger at me in check long enough for me to explain myself. Something came to my attention only recently, something I thought solved six hundred years ago and that could threaten the safety of our ponies if it turns out my suspicions are correct. At first I wasn’t sure what to do, but your recent suggestion gave me an idea of how I could find out for certain. Now, if you wish to atomize me the next time you see me, I certainly wouldn’t blame you. Leaving without raising a big commotion meant Luna and I had to depart in secret, otherwise the nobility would have insisted upon a formal investigation, which would defeat the purpose of trying to keep our potential enemy out of the loop. I hope you can eventually forgive me, but I’ll understand if you want nothing further to do with me after this.

You will have no doubt noticed the crown that was sitting on this note. I had it commissioned for you earlier this month, as I felt it was high time you had one of your own, my dear young prince. Put it on, act like you know what you’re talking about and you’ll do just fine. It’s how Luna and I muddled through the first ten decades of our rule, after all. Good luck, Artemis. Stay safe and trust no one, not even those that are the closest to you.

Sincerely your apologetic big sister, Celestia

An enemy she thought dealt with six hundred years ago? Trust no one? Jesus, Celestia, I’m already well on the way to being a total schizo! You’ll make me a paranoid one writing shit like that. I want to ask so many questions, like why couldn’t she have just SAID SOMETHING?! But trust no one… is she practicing what she preaches? Then why write me a note? It’s only when I gave it to a guard to dispose of it that I learned there was some enchantment on it, as the thing caught fire the moment it was passed into their hooves. So, what, did she make it so only I could read it? Christ, now I really am getting paranoid. Thanks, Celestia. Just what I needed to start off my first night in court. I can already feel my coldly regal facade starting to crack as a thousand different worries and thoughts race through my head. If I can’t trust anyone, how can I even trust the note, especially when it supposedly comes from the Queen of Trolls herself?

I’m not ready for this. I’m no leader, no politician! I’m sure I’ll just screw something up, even if I spend the whole night just sitting here with the creepy looking guards that seem to have stepped straight out of a Halloween party! No, no, calm down, Artemis, don’t let the pressure, and lack of sleep, get to you. You can do this. Just be fair, but firm, and you’ll do just fine. Nevermind the fact you killed several guardsponies who were likely friends with those standing inside the room with you, or the fact you can see where you came in through the ceiling despite the effort the construction crew likely put into repairing it. No, stop it, that isn’t helping. Take a deep breath… there, now let it out slowly. Good, and again. That’s it, just remain calm and everything will work out just—

“Your Highness,” the guard stationed to my right shatters the little bit of calm I managed to gather with just two words, though I manage not to let the mask slip this time. “We have our first petitioner. Shall I have them sent away?” She’s giving me an out? Well, I say she, but all I have to work with is a voice, considering they’re all wearing the exact same suit of armor. I guess I could have her turn around and—whoa! Okay, where the fuck did that come from? First Twilight’s butt and now this? Why is this happening to me? “Sire?”

“No, send them in,” I reply, perhaps a little curtly, steeling my resolve to the best of my abilities as the guards near the doors open them for whoever is out there. Don’t think about anything but getting through the night. Otherwise you’ll just end up worrying yourself sick. My petitioner, or Luna’s petitioner, rather, is an earth pony of noble bearing, her mane and tail styled into elegant ringlets, coat gleaming as if freshly washed and brushed. They probably have been, now that I think about it. I want to glance down at myself, suddenly self conscious, but I restrain myself admirably. If the mare is surprised to see me instead of Luna, she doesn’t show it.

“Greetings, Your Majesty,” she says, bending a knee and bowing her head to me in a formal fashion. “I am Governess Aurora, from the province of Griffish Coltlumbia.” Ugh, these fucking pony puns! Must. Resist. Urge. To snark! “It is an honor to make your acquaintance at last, Prince Artemis.” Well excuse me for not being a social butterfly. Formal dinners are a pain and not something I ever intend to make a regular part of my life. Ever.

“It’s nice to meet you as well, governess,” I reply, motioning for her to rise. That’s it, just play it cool. You’re a prince. You’ve got this. “How may the Crown assist you this… fine evening?” I almost choke on the words, as this evening is anything but fine, but somehow I manage not to vomit from an overdose of insincerity.

“Thank you for the kind welcome, your majesty,” Aurora simpers, making me want to roll my eyes. “It is good to see that you are growing accustomed to life in the modern era.” Jesus, stop kissing my ass and get on with it! “And the trust Her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia, has shown by giving you this opportunity speaks well of you.”

“Indeed,” I say, keeping my expression neutral for the time being. All this formality and we’ve barely even started discussing anything! How do they ever get anything done around here? “I am… grateful for this opportunity and hope that I will not… disappoint my elder sister in the act of carrying out the duty she has… entrusted me with.” God, the lie is bitter on my tongue, so much so that I almost grimace. Almost, but not quite. “Now, what is it you want?” I can tell my brusk tone has offended our dear governess, but honestly I don’t care. She’s wasting my time, time that could be spent getting a good night’s sleep.

“Well, your majesty, there is a matter that I could use your help with,” Aurora begins, her tone just a little less warm than it was at the start. Fine with me, so long as she hurries the hell up. “You see, as your majesty might be aware, the province of Griffish Coltlumbia is bordered by the Crystal Mountains to the north, separating us from the long isolated nation of Yakyakistan.” I nod like I understand what she’s talking about, but I have no idea what the hell Yakyakistan is, let alone that it is apparently somewhere to the north-northwest of here. “What I seek, what the province seeks, is the right to survey a section of the Crystal Mountains for mineral deposits.”

“And what section of the mountains would this be, exactly?” I ask, curious as to why this is something you’d have to bring before the Crown. Are the mountains Crown land or something? “Would someone get me a—” A map is suddenly under my muzzle, leaving me blinking down at it in surprise. “That’ll work.”

“Forgive my tardiness, your majesty,” a feminine voice says from off to my left, drawing my gaze, not to a guard, but a unicorn mare, a day planner, or night planner in this case, tucked into the crook of one foreleg while she adjusts the glasses perched on the bridge of her muzzle with a bit of telekinesis. I take a moment to look over the map, a portion of the Crystal Mountains circled, just north of the border of Griffish Coltlumbia. Neat. “My name is Silent Night, and I serve as Princess Luna’s political advisor and secretary.” She smiles politely. “Meaning that for now I am also your political advisor and secretary.” I manage not to turn into a puddle of goo in relief, though it’s a near thing.

“Yes, well, as I was saying, your majesty, we would like to begin surveying the area indicated by Ms. Night as soon as possible,” Aurora says, seeming strangely unsettled by Silent Night’s presence. “It could open up a wealth of opportunities for the region, including new jobs, and, as one of the potential investors for the project, the Crown stands to benefit from any profits made in the venture.” I let out a soft snort, this governess clearly under the mistaken assumption that I care about money. “We only need Crown approval and we can begin immediately.”

“Sounds great,” I say, folding the map and passing it off to the helpful guard from earlier. “So, what’s the catch?” My frankness seems to startle Aurora. Good. I think I see her game, so it’s time to let her know I’m not playing. “You mentioned the opportunities involved, but you’re not just asking for approval, but financial support.” This makes her look uncomfortable, as if she hadn’t expected me to catch that little bit about the Crown being a potential investor. “Ms. Night?”

“Yes, your majesty?” Silent Night stands ready, looking pleased about something, though I can’t be sure what.

“Does the Crown own the land in question?” I ask, somehow feeling I already know the answer.

“No, your majesty,” Silent Night replies, looking in her planner, likely at notes of some kind. “It currently doesn’t belong to anypony, at least as far as we’re aware, but there’s the possibility that Yakyakistan has laid claim to it as well.” And we have no way of knowing one way or the other, because, as the good governess was kind enough to point out, this Yakyakistan is isolated, meaning we likely aren’t on speaking terms with them. “Also, your majesty, Governess Aurora has come before the Crown with this request before, in Day Court, might I add.” And there it is.

Our dear governess likely came here tonight to try and get Luna to sign off on her little venture where Celestia already refused. Now, if I was feeling dickish, and admittedly I am, I could go ahead and give Aurora her approval and possibly open up the region for exploitation and create a whole slew of new jobs, and also undercut Celestia’s authority, so everyone is happy. I could also end up causing a war because I gave the okay to let ponies take resources that already belong to another sovereign nation. That is, of course, if Yakyakistan has any claim on the region in the first place. Shit, I hate politics.

“Governess Aurora,” I begin, feeling a little pissed that this noblemare tried to use me to further her own agenda when she was already told no. Not that I’d mind going head to head with old Sun Butt, but I have a feeling that I’d lose in the long run when it comes to the game of politics. I’d rather just kick the shit out of her and call it a day, but I digress. “After taking everything into consideration, I’m afraid your proposal will be shelved for the time being.”

“But, your majesty—” I hold up a hoof to cut off her protest.

“While it sounds like a good idea on paper, I can’t just give you license to go into the mountains looking for resources that might already belong to someone else,” I tell her firmly. “So, your proposal is shelved, for now. If, and only if, we can ever determine if Yakyakistan has laid legal claim to the territory in question, we can discuss it again. Good evening, governess.” Aurora bows to me stiffly, seeing my dismissal for what it was, and departs at a brisk walk, the strange guards shutting the doors behind her. Only then do I slump into the throne and let out the breath I’d been holding, feeling stressed and ready for the night to end with just that one meeting.

“You handled that very well, your majesty,” Silent Night tells me, offering me a smile of encouragement. “Governess Aurora isn’t a bad pony at heart, but sometimes she doesn’t consider the greater ramifications of her actions.”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to kiss my flank,” I say, though honestly I really am grateful for the information she provided me with just now. “It’ll take better than what Aurora can bring to the table to pull a fast one over on me.” I can’t believe that I’m grateful to Celestia for being a massive pain in my ass, but I doubt I’d have caught Aurora’s amateur attempt to pull a fast one on me otherwise.

“I was just being honest, your majesty,” Silent Night says, seeming a little put out by my response to her little attempt at patting me on the back. “From what Princess Luna has told me, you have no real experience in the political arena, yet you did better than I was expecting.”

“In other words you were expecting me to fall flat on my face,” I remark dryly, causing Silent Night to look away while lightly clearing her throat. “I’m so glad I could rise above such lofty expectations.”

“May I be frank with you, your majesty?” Silent Night asks after a few moments of awkwardly not meeting my gaze.

“Go ahead,” I reply, not really caring one way or the other.

“Very well,” Silent Night murmurs, taking a deep breath before meeting my gaze at last. “To be perfectly honest with you, Prince Artemis, I was expecting you to give Aurora permission just to spite Princess Celestia.” Oh, goody, she knows me so well. “By all accounts you are a brute, prone to being ill tempered, foul mouthed and highly disrespectful, so when I first walked in and saw you looking like you just climbed out of bed, I feared the worst.” Damn it, why didn’t anyone tell me? I could have at least taken a few minutes to make myself look presentable. “Yet you were respectful to the governess, by your standards at least, and you saw through her scheme as if it comes second nature to you. I was… impressed that you managed to resist your baser instincts and dealt with the situation as a royal should.” She adjusts her glasses and clears her throat once more. “That is all I wished to say and I will understand if you wish me dismissed from your service for my rudeness.” Oh, this is going to be fun.

“Well, Ms. Night, I guess when you spend a thousand years being tortured and manipulated by someone that is supposed to be family, you tend to pay attention to what ponies are actually saying,” I drawl darkly, causing Silent Night to shiver and pale under her coat. “Still, you’re right. I was tempted to just give her the go ahead so I could stick it to Tia, but I don’t want to involve others in our… disputes. Especially not when it could cause a war.” I let that sink in for a moment before offering her the tiniest of smiles. “And I’m not about to fire you, Ms. Night. I wouldn’t have known she was trying to play me against Tia if it weren’t for you. For that, and your honesty, I thank you.”

“Oh, well, in that case, you are welcome.” Silent Night doesn’t seem sure what else to say after that, staying silent for a bit. I don’t mind, honestly. It allows me to relax while we wait for the next petitioner to show up.

“Anyone wanna grab me a comb?” I ask suddenly, remembering my disheveled appearance. “I would kinda like to not look like a bum while—” Again, one is now floating right in front of my face before I can finish my thought. “Okay, that’s sort of creepy,” I remark while I take it from Silent Night’s telekinesis. “What else do you carry around?” I ask while working on my mane, hanging my crown off of my horn for the time being. I imagine I look ridiculous, but fuck it, I have other priorities right now.

“Just a few essentials,” Silent Night replies, pulling several items from… somewhere. I really need to look into whatever spell allows ponies to just pull objects out of thin air like that. A brush, a makeup kit, a bottle of water, and a toothbrush. “With your permission, your majesty, I’d like to help make you more… palatable.”

“...the petitioners aren’t going to be eating me, Ms. Night,” I point out dryly, causing her to give me this look, like I’d just said something tremendously stupid. “And you apparently have no sense of humor. Got it.”

“I’ll have you know that I have a perfectly good sense of humor,” Silent Night states, already working on brushing out my coat despite my lack of verbal consent. “It is simply more refined than such a crass attempt at conveying mirth can hope to match.”

“You’re one wordy little pony, aren’t you?” I remark, moving my wings so she can brush down my sides while I work on combing my tail next.

“I simply take advantage of the vocabulary my education provided me with,” she replies dismissively. “I could use smaller words, if that would help.”

“Ha, there’s that sense of humor,” I say with a grin, starting to like this mare. “So, what else is on the docket for tonight?” I decide to ask once I’m done, Silent Night finishing brushing down my coat before she shoves the toothbrush at me, which somehow has toothpaste on it despite the fact I never once saw a tube of the stuff. I sigh and take it, working on my “morning” breath while my new secretary informs me about what I have to look forward to this wonderful evening.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“Are you certain?” Chrysalis asks, leaning forward on her throne as she gazes down upon the Infiltrator that brought her the news.

“Yes, my Queen,” she replies, having just come from the palace. “The Day and Night princesses are not within the castle; and, if my source within the guard is to be believed, the Day captain will be leaving for Ponyville come the morning.”

“I see,” Chrysalis muses, thinking over what this could mean for her plans. The princesses will likely not be gone for very long, whatever the reason for their departure. As for the captain… well, at least he’ll no longer be a thorn in the side of her Drones and their efforts to collect love. He’s clever, for a pony, so him being elsewhere is most fortuitous. “And what of Artemis? Where has he been?”

“I’m not certain, my Queen,” the Infiltrator replies hesitantly. “It is difficult to gather information about the Destroyer without raising suspicion, but I do know that tonight he holds the position of overseeing Night Court.”

“Night Court? Truly?” At the Infiltrator’s nod, Chrysalis frowns. “How strange.” Has Celestia’s trust in him grown, or is this a matter of having no other choice? “He does not strike me as much of a politician.” She smirks. “I can just imagine him turning the whole court upon its head.”

“My Queen?” The Infiltrator frowns herself now, staring at Chrysalis in puzzlement. “Forgive me for my presumption, but you sound… amused.”

“Oh, I most certainly am, my child,” Chrysalis purrs. “The thought of that socially inept princeling trying to run a functioning court amuses me to no end.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Dear God, please make it stop. How long is this guy going to drone on about his fucking cabbage patches? I get it, you supply the region with vegetables that smell goddamn awful when you boil them, just get to the point! I’m fucking dying here, man! I glance at Silent Night, but she’s no help. How can she not be going crazy, standing motionless like that while this insufferable farmer continues to bang on about the importance of his fields?

“Yes!” I suddenly exclaim, having finally had enough. “Yes, of course, I understand perfectly, Mr. Weed. Your crops are quite important.” At least I’ve gotten him to shut up, offended look on his face be damned. “Now, what did you need?”

“Weren’t you listening?” Tumble Weed, dear god these names, sounds just as offended as he looks. “I told you, your highness, that the bloody timberwolves keep wrecking my southern fields!” Oh, right, he did mention something about wolves in that hour long spiel of his.

“Ms. Night,” I begin, turning my attention to the stoic mare in question. “Are there any detachments of the EUP in the area that could do a sweep of Mr. Weed’s property?” Please say yes so we can get him the fuck out of here!

“Let me see,” Silent Night murmurs as she looks through her booklet. “Ah, here we are. The First Neighagra Rangers could possibly take a look, if that would satisfy you, Mr. Weed.”

“Please, ma’am, call me Tumble,” he says with a grin. Ugh, gag me. “And that would certainly—”

“Great, it’s settled then,” I interrupt him for a second time, getting a sigh from Silent Night and a glare from the farm pony for my trouble. “Now go on, shoo. The EUP will be notified.”

“Hmph!” Tumble Weed turns his back back on me with an audible huff, the guards stiffening because he didn’t bow, before stomping his way out of the throne room. Good riddance.

“Please, dear Christ, tell me we’re done,” I plead, feeling ready to just fly through one of the stained glass windows at this point in an effort to escape the monotony. “I can’t take anymore of this!”

“That was only the second petitioner,” Silent Night reminds me, having no mercy in her it seems. “You still have six more to get through before we move on to the matter of choosing who you’ll be giving tickets to for the upcoming Gala.”

“Do what for the what now?” I ask, screwing up my face into a look of confusion, just to get how much that last bit didn’t make any sense to me at all across to her. Silent Night closes her eyes, perhaps asking whoever may be listening for patience, and takes a deep breath before focusing her gaze on me once more.

“Has no one truly spoken to you about this yet?” I give a shake of my head, causing her to sigh, again. Ponies tend to do that a lot around me, now that I think about it. “The Grand Galloping Gala is the most important social event of the year. Ponies from all over Equestria will be attending and you will be expected to make an appearance, however brief it may be.” She flips to another part of her little book. “You’ll need to have an outfit tailored, a stylist brought in for your mane, and you’ll have to choose who you will be inviting.”

“So, it’s a party for rich people,” I mutter, not all that enthused by the thought of attending. “Thanks but no thanks.”

“Prince Artemis, really, there’s no need to be so childish,” Silent Night chides me. “Attending will not kill you and you are still a prince, no matter what you do to convince everypony otherwise.”

“Oh, ha ha,” I drawl, rolling my eyes at her. “Look, I don’t care about any fancy party. Plus, I don’t really know anyone yet.” An idea occurs to me. “How many tickets do I have to give out?”

“Twelve in total,” Silent Night informs me.

“Give six to the Elements, one to a unicorn named Nymphadora that lives here in Canterlot and, I dunno, hold a charity raffle for the rest,” I instruct her, only to see her shaking her head. “What’s the matter?”

“The Element Bearers have already been gifted tickets by Princess Celestia,” she says, flipping through her book again briefly. Did Luna try the same thing or what? Whatever, it means I have eleven tickets to give away instead of five. “I can, however, safely assume that this… Nymphadora has not received one yet. Unless, of course, her family is one of our regular patrons.”

“Well, that settles it,” I say with a shrug. “Give her one and raffle off the rest.”

“Very well then,” Silent Night says while making a note of my instructions. “Anything else before we bring in the next petitioner?”

“Yeah, how long do I have before the Gala?” I ask, wanting to make plans so I don’t have to go.

“The Gala will be held five months, thirteen days from now,” Silent Night informs me, causing me to stare at her silently. “Whatever is the matter now?”

“If it’s so far away, then why did this have to be settled now?” I ask in a tone that reflects my lack of understanding. “Don’t we have more important things to worry about?”

“Which is why I was going to wait until court is finished for the evening,” Silent Night says with another sigh. “As for taking care of it now, well, honestly it is best to get these sort of things out of the way sooner rather than later. It will allow time for the guests to prepare and also make certain that more important details may be attended to without worry.”

“Yeah, fine, I get it,” I grumble, slumping down a bit as I sigh softly. “Alright then, bring in the next petitioner,” I instruct the guards while sitting up and putting on my game face. The doors open and a unicorn mare steps through them, stepping quickly as she moves further into the throne room.

“Princess Luna, there is something that—” The mare, her coat snowy white and her mane the yellow of straw, freezes up once she gets close enough, eyes widening as stares at me. First she seems shocked, then horrified and, finally, angry. “You.”

“Yes, me,” I say cheekily, wondering what her problem is. That’s when her horn lights up, seconds before a bolt of pure magical energy is launched at my face. “Whoa!” I exclaim as I raise a shield, though two more layers that pop up in front of me stop the attack cold, even as the other guards rush the mare while she’s in the middle of winding up a second shot. They tackle her to the floor, the shields protecting me remaining in place even as she kicks and fights to get her second shot off. “Hey, easy!”

“Bastard scum!” She spits, glaring at me with an emotion I’m not used to seeing in the eyes of other ponies. She hates me. Really and truly. “Let go of me!”

“Quit resisting!” One of the guards orders her. “Somepony get some binders and an inhibitor!”

“Where is the princess?!” The mare demands as they pin her down, head kept still under the hoof of one of the guards. “I demand to see Princess Luna, immediately!”

“You don’t get to make demands, lady,” a second guard grunts as she kicks him in the belly. “Where are those binders?!”

“I want to—”

“ENOUGH!” I shout in a voice that shakes the whole throne room, surprising myself. Still, I shake it off, stepping down off the throne, only to be halted by the shields. “I said enough! Lower them, now!” They follow orders, at least, lowering the shields to let me through. “Now I don’t care what you have against me, lady, but you just endangered Ms. Night and the guards with that little stunt, so now you’ve gone and pissed me off.” I glare right back at her as the mare snorts and tries to raise her head again. “I have a feeling they’ll hurt you if they have to, so quit while you’re ahead.”

“I don’t care!” She spits at me, though it doesn’t even reach my hooves. “You don’t deserve to wear that crown, you murdering pig!” Ah, I see. She must be a relative, lover, or friend of one of the ponies that died when I attacked Canterlot. “You may have changed your appearance, but I know those eyes! The eyes of the demon that killed my brother!”

“Yes, I’m the one that attacked Canterlot,” I admit freely, grimacing at the memory of it as it stirs inside me. “I hate to say it, but I don’t know who your brother even was, nor did I care at the time. I won’t bother saying I’m sorry or offering you empty platitudes. You have every right to despise me, after all.”

“How understanding of you,” she says, tone mocking me. It doesn’t matter. I did wrong by so many, and without so much as a care. “But that won’t bring any of them back, now will it?”

“Neither will revenge,” I point out coldly, unable to meet her gaze anymore. “You’ll just get yourself killed.” I wave a hoof in a dismissive arc. “Let her up.” The guards look at me like I’m crazy. “Do it.” They reluctantly comply, the mare scrambling up and readying herself to try again, but a pulse from my own horn staggers her. “Stop it. Go home and forget about revenge.” I turn my back on her, not worried about anything she can do to me. “It won’t help anyone, not even yourself.”

“I won’t ever forget,” she replies and I hear her hoofsteps as she starts for the doors. “And neither will anypony else.”

“Good,” I grunt without looking back, stepping up to the throne as the doors shut behind her. “No one should.” I take my seat and look at the gathered guards and Silent Night, looking at me with concern or disbelief, or even worse, pity. “Well? Bring in the next petitioner!”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Luna and Celestia sit at a hastily constructed campfire, a storm having sprung up mid-flight, forcing them to the ground in order to seek shelter. Alicorns they may be, but unless they want to draw undue amounts of attention, they could not do anything about the weather. Celestia had already filled Luna in on the basics of why they are out in the wilderness, such as it is, but she hadn’t really gone into any real detail beyond saying an old threat she thought dealt with may be back and they were off to investigate.

Snorting, Luna tosses a fresh bit of wood on the fire in annoyance; so much for taking a holiday. Still, she must admit that going out and doing something proactive again fills her with a sense of being useful beyond taking care of legal papers or putting her signature on some document or other. But the question still remains.

“What are you afraid of, Celestia?” She asks at last, having sensed her sister’s fears ever since the elder alicorn had let her stoic demeanor drop. “What possible threat could make you worry so?” Celestia doesn’t reply at first, staring into the flames. Her silence carries on long enough that Luna opens her mouth to try again, when Celestia looks up and meets her gaze at last. Even in disguise, the weight of the centuries her elder sister had to rule alone are felt by the younger sibling, like a heavy load placed upon her back.

“Once upon a time, a princess ruled a magical land of peace and harmony,” Celestia begins, Luna resisting the urge to sigh at the format she’d chosen for her explanation. “She tried her best to be kind, fair and just in her decisions, but she still felt the crushing weight of responsibility and loneliness that came with the crown she wore.” Celestia’s eyes were distant now, the princess lost in memory. “For although those she ruled loved her, they held her above all others and therefore felt her untouchable.” She sighs heavily. “Her aides, the guards, the nobility; none of them would speak to her like she was just another pony.” She smiles ever so slightly. “Of course, that isn’t to say it was all bad. She loved her ponies as if they were her own children and reveled in their growth as a society. Still, whether due to time or her own thoughtless inaction, there were none left who truly understood her.

“One day, however, something happened that surprised her. A suitor came to call at court, but he was unlike many of the others she’d turned away in the past.” Her expression shifts slightly, some emotion that Luna has trouble identifying overtaking it. As if bitterness and, dare she assume, happiness could be mixed together. “He was no foreign prince or local member of the nobility seeking power, but a poor farmer, offering the princess a single flower and a smile that was as warm as her sun. Many in the court found his presumption an insult, but the princess found his hopeful charm endearing.” Her smile turns bittersweet. “She tried to let him down gently, but he persisted like none had ever dared before. Day after day he would return with a different flower, and day after day he managed to gradually worm his way into the princess’ heart.

“Love cares not for titles or money, after all, so the princess decided to give this daring stallion a chance,” Celestia goes on, smile widening a touch at the memories. “He had a simple charm and was eager to get to know the mare behind the crown. Their days of courtship were the happiest the princess had known in a long time and, surprising many, including herself, her thoughts turned to marriage.” Her happiness swiftly crumbled to a scowl. “But it was all a lie. The tenderness he had shown had been a mere ruse, the creature wearing the face of a stallion having worked to lower the princess’ guard and devour the love it had fostered in her heart.” Luna shivered as she saw her sister’s eyes begin to show signs of breaking through the disguise they both wore, embers of molten fury shining through their normally calm depths. “The beast was a changeling, a parasite that uses its magic to disguise itself to feed on the love of others. However, this wasn’t just any changeling, but their queen, come to take control of the princess and, through her, her entire nation.

“But this so-called queen had underestimated the will of the princess who, in her fury and heartache, dueled the creature furiously. Their battle darkened the skies, the princess chasing the changeling queen into the west, where its children waited. Even with an army of its kin, the queen stood no chance against the rage its deception had wrought.” Celestia closed her eyes and shivered, perhaps seeking to calm herself. “Using her magic, the princess gathered the swarm of parasites up and buried them deep beneath the heart of an active volcano, trapping them there behind walls of burning magma so they could never escape.” Her shoulders slowly sag, head lowering as she gives another weary sigh. “But now the princess fears she missed something, some detail that her wounded heart had failed to notice, and that now these monsters may threaten her ponies once again.”

“Sister,” Luna murmured, stunned by this revelation, and mildly annoyed by how her sister had told the story in third person, like some trashy showmare. These changelings, fiends that they are from Celestia’s description, managed to do something that she never expected possible. Not a wound to the body or pride, but one to her sister’s very spirit. And it was also clear that Celestia suffers from the memories even to this day. “I never imagined… no wonder you did not wish to speak of this sooner.” To be so deceived… honestly, if it had been her, the creatures would have been reduced to ash, nevermind sealed under a volcano. “So these changelings may in fact be amongst us at this very moment?”

“Yes, they very well might be,” Celestia replies, frowning at the fire once more. “It’s why we’re traveling out here like this, instead of as princesses. If they are free, we can’t risk them learning that we know.”

“Yes, ‘twould be best to keep the element of surprise,” Luna agrees with a nod. “So, sister mine, what else can you tell me of these parasites?”

“I don’t know much beyond what I’ve already said,” Celestia tells her, eyes meeting hers again briefly before gazing out into the night. “They’re shapeshifters, able to disguise themselves in pony form. They feed on the love of others, though I did see their queen eating like you or I do while it was disguised. They can use magic like any unicorn and have insectile wings that allow them to fly. They’re not as fast as your average pegasus, mind you, but they are definitely more maneuverable.” She then gives Luna a helpless shrug. “Other than that I have no idea where they come from, how their powers work or even how to detect them while they’re disguised.”

“What of their queen?” Luna asks, curious about their possible foe. “It seems adept at deception, but what was it like as a combatant?”

“Not much of one, to be honest,” Celestia tells her with a scoff. “It had some measure of power, but it’d clearly never been trained to fight like you or I were.”

“That may have changed, if it even still lives,” Luna feels the need to point out. “How long ago did you seal them away?”

“Six hundred years,” Celestia replies. “I may be worried over nothing, but I’d rather lean on the side of caution in this matter.”

“I understand,” Luna says, frowning as she considers what sort of enemy they may be faced with in the near future. An insidious race of parasites, able to hide themselves in plain sight, posing as loved ones in order to gain their sustenance from unsuspecting ponies. The thought alone makes her blood boil, not to even mention what their queen did to her sister. They may have had their difficulties in the past, to say the very least, but family is family. And no creature, be it pony or demon of Tartarus, does harm to her kin. “If they have returned, we shall face them together.”

“I knew I could count on you, Luna,” Celestia says, her smile having returned, much to Luna’s relief. “But first we have to reach their prison; which, by my estimate, will take us another two days at least.”

“I wish we did not need to hide ourselves,” Luna grumbles, not enjoying the thought of taking it so slowly. “Otherwise we could be there by morning.”

“I know, sister, but we need to use stealth in this. And don’t worry about things back home,” Celestia adds, smile widening. “I’m sure Cadance and Artemis will have things well in hoof for our return.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“...and so the Humbled and Bitless Trixie requests that the Crown seek immediate action against the insidious and spiteful Twilight Sparkle for besmirching her good name!” The flamboyant unicorn mare finishes with a deep bow, muzzle almost touching the floor. So far I’m not impressed, nor sympathetic to her plight. From what she told me, Twilight and her friends pretty much ran her out of Ponyville for, in her words, “a regrettable mistake that was in no way Trixie’s fault”. Somehow I feel there’s more to this than meets the eye and I intend to find out just what this Beatrix Moonglow Lulamoon isn’t telling me.

“I’m sorry, Miss Lulamoon, but I really can’t do anything,” I tell her, Trixie looking up in shock. “Would you like to know why?” I wait for her to nod. “Because you aren’t telling me the truth, at least not the whole truth.”

“B-but it happened just as Trixie said!” She protests, to which I raise an eyebrow. “That wicked Twilight Sparkle ruined me! Trixie lost her wagon, her livelihood and the adoration of her fans! Anytime she tries to put on a show, she is met with rotten produce and sneers when she used to be greeted with donated bits and smiles.” I can tell she’s hurt, and not just in the purse. The anger and indignation I see in her don’t appear over nothing, after all. “The Night Court of the ancient past was known for righting wrongs and meting out justice.” A student of history, I see. Also, that’s an interesting fact to know. It would explain the last few petitioners, at least. “So Trixie came to beg the mercy of the Wise and Benevolent Prince Artemis, so that he might correct this grave wrongdoing upon her person!”

“Okay, first off, Miss Lulamoon, you were hoping to speak to Luna, not me,” I point out, Trixie biting her lower lip as I step down off of the throne and begin making my way down the steps to meet her. “The second thing that catches my attention about what you told me, is the fact you seem to have left out a lot in the way of details, details that I believe are important to this case.” I resist the urge to smile as a thought occurs to me. “Of course, I could always hear about it from someone that was there. I know it’s rather late, but I doubt Twilight would mind me waking her up in this case.”

“T-T-Twilight Sparkle is here?!” Oh, she doesn’t like that fact, not at all.

“Yes, she is,” I reply, causing Trixie to shiver. “She’s my guest at the moment and I’m sure she’d be more than happy to tell me everything.” Another shiver. Good. You don’t lie to the people in charge, even by omission. “Of course, I could be persuaded to be lenient if you tell me instead.” Oh yeah, she’s guilty of something. You don’t prostrate yourself before someone if you haven’t done anything wrong.

“T-Trixie… I have something to admit, your highness,” she says, voice trembling even as her body does the same. “I may not have been entirely truthful about what transpired on the evening I… fled from Ponyville.” She retells her story, this time with a lot less exaggeration. How she arrived in Ponyville to put on a show, going into how she sought to dazzle the ponies who gathered and how she had been heckled by several ponies for her trouble. Given how she’d been speaking up until now, I imagine she’d come across as arrogant, prideful, and the hecklers likely didn’t appreciate it. Still, it wasn’t like they paid to see the show in advance. But Trixie’s response was… a bit much. She’d humiliated them from the sound of it and I can only shake my head as she admits to lying about vanquishing some terrible monster called an Ursa Major.

“That is when the trouble truly began,” Trixie tells me, shivering again, this time from the memory of that night. “A pair of overeager foals wanted to prove that I actually did as I claimed, going into the forest to find an Ursa Major.” Oh dear Christ, that must have gone so well. “They did find something, an Ursa Minor as it turned out. They came back to town, screaming in fright, and demanded that I defeat it.” She awkwardly scuffs the floor with one hoof, not meeting my gaze. “I… I couldn’t even so much as inconvenience the beast with my attempts. It was only because of Twilight Sparkle that it was subdued.” Ah, there’s the reason for her resentment. “She made it look like foal’s play, putting the infant monster to sleep and sending it back to its mother. I couldn’t stand it, being shown up like that. So I… I ran.” Which didn’t do much to help her case, I imagine.

“I see.” I stand in front of her now, a sigh passing my lips as I think over what she just told me. She wasn’t entirely at fault, of course, but some of the responsibility did fall at her hooves for the incident. But the foals were also at fault for being so tremendously idiotic. Dear God, what did their parents teach them? Not any sort of sense, from the sound of it. “Was anyone hurt?”

“Just my pride,” Trixie mutters, glancing up through the veil of her mane briefly. “The Ursa Minor also destroyed my wagon and everything I owned along with it.” Which would explain the circles under her eyes and leaner frame than I’m used to seeing among ponies. “If it wasn’t for that spinach farmer that let me spend the night in his barn, I never would have thought to come here.”

“Spinach farmer?” I ask, curious as to how speaking to a farmer had let her know to try pleading her case with the Night Court.

“Oh, yes,” Trixie replies, raising her head at last. “He gave me a meal and somewhere warm to spend the night, and all for merely sweeping his floors.” Sounds like a good stallion. “At dinner he regaled me with a story of one of his ancestors, the one who established their farmstead in the long distant past.” Interesting. “Princess Luna was instrumental in settling a dispute over rights to the land and, well, I hoped she would take my side tonight.” She sighs heavily. “It’s just as well. If she’s anything like her younger brother, she would have seen through it as well.” She bows her head once more. “I am sorry for trying to deceive you, your highness.”

“I’ll forgive you, just this once,” I say, putting on a smile for her. “But you know that you’re at fault for what happened, too, right?”

“But Trixie wasn’t the one who brought the Ursa that night!” Trixie exclaimed, her outrage bringing her unusual speech pattern back into play. “She even tried to stop it!”

“I know that!” I snap back at her, not liking the fact she’s gotten right in my face about it. “Shouting at me won’t help you any! And I didn’t say the blame lay solely with you, now did I?”

“No,” Trixie says, looking a bit like a pouting child as she backs down. Fucking ponies and being cute all the time.

“You shouldn’t have lied,” I point out, though honestly I shouldn’t have to. A grown adult should know better than to make up wild stories in a world where monsters actually exist. “I know it was just to impress the crowd, but there are apparently ponies out there just dumb enough to try and see if you could back up your boast.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, knowing she’s just upset, but damn it, shouting in my face wasn’t a very bright idea. “Honestly, those foals are lucky they weren’t killed and that I’m not their dad.” I let out a snort. “Going looking for a real live monster. I’d tan their hides for being so fucking stupid.” I fix Trixie with my best soul piercing stare. “Beatrix Moonglow Lulamoon!”

“Y-yes, your highness!” She even snaps to attention for me, how adorable.

“On the charge of reckless endangerment, I hereby find you guilty and will carry out your sentence at once,” I declare, grasping her left foreleg in my magic and drawing it up, causing her to yelp in fright. I raise my hoof and lightly tap her on the fetlock before letting her go.

“Th-that’s it?” Trixie gasps in astonishment. “Really?”

“Yup,” I reply in a more relaxed fashion. “I think you’ve already paid your dues and then some, to be honest. Losing your home and livelihood, then having to endure the ridicule of everyone you met?” I shake my head slightly. “Given that no one was injured and there was no other property damage, I’d say that what you’ve had to go through counts for more than time served.” I let out a huff. “Now these foals… if they were adults I’d probably give them some serious hard labor. But, if their parents have any sense, they’ve already likely been punished for their stupidity.”

“And what about me?” Trixie asks, frowning now that she’s recovered from her shock. “I’m still out my wagon and, well, everything else.” I feel kinda bad for her. It’s not like she meant for any of this to happen, and besides, no one but her paid the price for the stunt those foals pulled.

“What would you say to putting on a private performance?” I ask, smiling again as I think of something. Strangely, though, Trixie steps back, blushing brightly, while I hear Silent Night mutter something under her breath. “What’s the matter?”

“P-p-private?” Trixie stutters, swallowing thickly as she looks me over. “F-f-forgive me, y-your highness, b-but as much as the Great a-and Powerful Trixie i-is flattered, she isn’t that k-kind of mare.” What is she… oh my fucking God!

“W-what?” It’s my turn to stammer, heat rising in my cheeks as I step back. “No, that’s not what I meant!” I hear muffled sounds of chortling and laughter from around me, but my glare doesn’t catch any sign of which guards could be the ones behind it. “Shut up!” I snap, giving a stamp of my hoof for good measure. I’m surrounded by perverts, I swear. “I’m sorry, Miss Lulamoon, but I meant putting on one of your shows for the court.” I’m really glad none of the others are here for this. I’d never live it down otherwise.

“Oh!” Trixie’s embarrassment immediately vanishes. “A show for royalty?” Her eyes get this dreamy quality to them as she smiles broadly at the prospect. “Oh, Trixie would be honored!” She deflates somewhat, ears folding back slightly. “But… but she doesn’t have any of her accoutrements! How will she put on a show without any of her equipment?!” I see how that could pose a problem, so I direct my attention to Silent Night, who shakes her head at me while muttering something along the lines of “bloody stallions”. At least that’s what it sounded like.

“I take it you wish to… loan Miss Lulamoon some funds from the Crown’s coffers?” She asks, not looking all that enthusiastic about giving the Crown’s money away to a stage magician. I step back up to the dias and lean over to whisper in her ear.

“Look, she’s obviously had a rough enough time as it is.” I glance Trixie’s way, who’s looking at us curiously. “I’ll pay the bits back later myself, so just do me this favor, okay?” Silent Night pulls away, frowning as she considers my request. “Please?” The secretary’s will crumbles with a sigh, my face split by a grin in victory. It’s my roguish charms at work, I suppose. Such a terrible burden to bear, but… yeah, I’m full of it. Ponies are just suckers for charity.

“Oh fine,” Silent Night grumbles as I resist the urge to skip my way back to the throne. She writes out something in her little notebook and tears off a sheet of paper, which she pases to a nearby guard. “Take Miss Lulamoon to the head of finance and have the amount written down withdrawn for her, by the prince’s command.” The guard bows and makes his way to Trixie, who bows to me once more.

“Thank you so much, your highness!” She rises with a bright smile on her face, looking very grateful. “The Great and Powerful Trixie shall put on a show the likes of which has never been seen in Equestria before or since!” She proclaims with a flourish, rising to her hind legs briefly in the process. “Uh… when should Trixie plan to return to court in order to do so?”

“Before sundown tomorrow,” I reply, feeling quite pleased with myself. “This is your second chance, Trixie. Don’t let me down.” I really, really hope I’m not making a mistake, but I can’t help wanting to give her a helping hand. Hoof. Whatever. Plus ponies are too cute to look so downtrodden. I’m a sucker for cuteness, so sue me.

“Trixie promises not to disappoint,” she says, still giddy at the thought of performing for me, if that grin is anything to go by. “Prepare yourself, Prince Artemis, to be astounded by Trixie’s magical prowess!” She gives one last bow. “Till tomorrow night!” She then departs with the guard and I’m still smiling long after she’s gone.

“Are you certain about this?” Silent Night asks after a bit. “She could very well just take it and run, you know.”

“Well, if she does, I’ll personally scour Equestria for her,” I begin, stepping down from the throne and stretching a bit. “But I have a good feeling about this, Ms. Night. She won’t run, at least not this time.”

“Very well,” Silent Night says in a way that practically screams “it’s your funeral”. “Well, your highness, that was the last petitioner of the evening. Normally at this time Princess Luna would return to her quarters and attend to any documents that require her signature, then go about her other nightly duties.” Being dream patrolling, as I recall.

“Oh, lovely,” I grumble at the thought of paperwork. “I can still barely read and you want me to sign legal documents.”

“Don’t be absurd,” Silent Night scoffs. “I’m well aware of your current reading level, and you’re nowhere near ready for such responsibilities. Your evening is yours to do with as you see fit.” She snaps her notebook shut for emphasis. “Congratulations on not burning the palace down during your first night on the job, your highness.”

“Yay,” I drawl, working out a kink in my neck before heading down the stairs from the dais. “Well, if you need me, I’m going to be catching up on my sleep.” I give everyone a half hearted salute. “Thanks for the lovely evening, ladies and gents. Let’s never do this again.” I then make my exit, a certain bed calling my name in seductive tones.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The doors shut behind the departing Artemis, silence left in his wake. The guards exchange looks, while Silent Night frowns her displeasure at the now shut portal leading into the halls.

“He does know he’s running court again tomorrow, right?” One brave guard decides to ask, looking at her compatriots for support. “Right?” Silent Night, meanwhile, removes her glasses with her telekinesis and rubs the space between her eyes gently with one hoof.

“Bugger.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The next morning sees Canterlot in fine spirits. Ponies go about their business without a care in the world and a certain pair of siblings make their way to the station, intent on catching the next train bound for Ponyville before the sun gets too high.

“I can’t wait to introduce you to my friends,” Twilight gushes, clearly excited to have her brother along for the trip. “They’re certain to like you, I’m sure of it.”

“I don’t know about that,” Shining Armor mutters, thinking about what he has in store for her friends and how their feelings towards him will likely trend as a result. “Remember, Twily, this isn’t a vacation. Princess Celestia is sending me to Ponyville on assignment.”

“I know, BBBFF, but I can’t help it,” she replies as they approach the ticket booth. “We’ll be able to spend time together again for the first time in months! Oh, I just wish we had time to see mom and dad before we leave.”

“Yeah, well, I’m on a bit of a tight schedule,” he reminds her, paying for their tickets and joining her on a bench to wait for the train to arrive. It wasn’t a lie, not really. Besides, he didn’t need more pointed questions from their mother, Twilight Velvet, about when he plans on marrying Cadance. She could really be such a pain that way, Faust bless her heart. “And you know we’d be there all day with all the questions they’re sure to have about your time in Ponyville.” He gives her a curious look. “You… have been writing to them, right?” His sister squirms, causing him to frown. “Twily, I’m surprised at you.”

“I know, I’m a bad daughter,” Twilight groans, covering her face with her hooves. “But so much keeps happening and I keep forgetting to as a result!”

“Relax, LSBFF, I’m just giving you a hard time,” Shining Armor says, ruffling her mane playfully, a chuckle escaping him as she lightly swats his hoof away with an exaggerated pout. “We can both write them once we get to Ponyville, okay?”

“Alright,” Twilight agrees, smiling once more. “So, what is this assignment the princess is sending you on?”

“Sorry, Twily, it’s confidential,” Shining Armor says, puffing out his chest with a false sense of self importance. “If I told ya, I’d have to kill ya.”

“Oh, please.” Twilight rolls her eyes. “Everypony knows that spy thriller nonsense is just that. Come on, I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

“Well, if you really promise,” Shining Armor begins hesitantly, “then I guess I can let you in on it.” He then tells her about his assignment, leaving a frown on the younger mare’s face.

“Training?” Twilight’s tone shares the puzzlement she’s feeling wearing right out on her sleeves, so to speak. “I guess I can see the logic behind it, but we’re not exactly soldiers.” She tilts her head slightly. “Though Rainbow Dash does want to join the Wonderbolts one day, so I imagine she’d be up for it at least.”

“Well, it’s an order from the princess herself,” Shining Armor says, not exactly looking forward to putting Twilight and her friends through basic himself. “It wouldn’t be smart to refuse.” His ears flick as he hears the train making its approach. “Oh, here’s the train.” He picks up their bags in his telekinesis. “We can discuss it further on the trip there.”

“Right.” Twilight gets up and waits with him, the train eventually coming to a stop and letting off passengers, then letting on those waiting to board. They eventually find their seats, the siblings settling in for the ride. The train is only minutes out of the station when Twilight gives a horrified gasp. “Oh no!”

“What, what is it?” Shining Armor asks, horn glowing with his power as he prepares to defend her from any possible threat.

“This is just terrible!” Twilight exclaims, turning in her seat and gazing at the already shrinking Canterlot. “I forgot to ask Prince Artemis all the questions I had prepared!” Shining Armor stares at the back of her head, the light of his magic winking out as his brows lower in a deadpan expression.

“You seriously make me wonder sometimes, little sis.” He settles back into his seat, making himself comfortable. “You really do.”

“But the existence of extraterrestrial/extradimensional beings could be the greatest discovery in the entire history of science!” Twilight exclaims, while Shining Armor rolls his eyes.

“This is Artemis we’re talking about, right? The most foul mouthed, bad tempered pony I’ve ever met?” He scoffs at the notion. “Give me a break.”

“But Shining, think of the possibilities such knowledge could open up!” Twilight exclaims, giving him a little shake for emphasis.

“No thanks, sis,” Shining Armor remarks, leaning his head back against the seat and closing his eyes. “That’s more your thing, remember?” Twilight turns away with a sigh, staring out the window forlornly at the passing scenery.

“I just hope I get another chance sometime soon,” she sighs, thinking about all she could learn. “Who knows what wonders lay out there to be discovered beyond the stars?”

“If it’s more loud, angry aliens, you can count me out,” Shining Armor mutters.

“Oh, quit being so negative,” Twilight says with a huff. “Just because Prince Artemis can be a bit of a grump doesn’t mean his entire birth species is the same way.”

“Just try not to get your hopes up, little sis.” Shining Armor sighs wearily, not looking forward to his new assignment. Still, it wouldn’t be all bad. He’d meet her friends, maybe do some catching up, even see what Ponyville has to offer before starting their training. Who knows? Maybe he’ll even enjoy himself.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Pinkamena Diane Pie hums merrily to herself as she busily works behind the scenes to help the Cakes, the simple joy of making sweet treats for others bringing a smile to her face. Nothing unusual about that, of course, but many would say the opposite about the mare herself. Pinkie Pie, as she prefers to be called, is considered by many to be a bit of an odd duck. Of course she’d say she’s not a duck, silly, but instead just your regular old party pony. Regardless, one would have to admit that she possesses several unique qualities, one of which a new friend of hers has yet to discover.

The Pinkie Sense is a widely known phenomenon in Ponyville, so much so that whenever ponies witness her in the middle of one of her “fits”, they don’t question that whatever it portends will come true. So, when Mr. Cake, carrying a freshly baked tray of muffins, spots Pinkie freezing up, only for her ears to flop, tail to twirl and hind left leg to kick, he immediately sets the tray down to see what’s the matter.

“What is it, Pinkie?” He asks, concerned for several reasons. This is a particular “fit” he has yet to see, after all, so it could literally be anything. Anything. “Nothing bad, I hope.”

“Oh! Em! Gee!” Pinkie exclaims once the twitches and so on pass, bouncing on the tips of her hooves excitedly. “It’s totally splendorifically good news!” She cheers, much to his relief.

“Well, that’s nice,” he says with a smile. “So, what is it then?”

“Somepony new is coming to Ponyville,” she announces, giggling in glee. “And it’s somepony’s secret big brother~!”

“A secret big brother?” Mr. Cake tilts his head, a little curious to say the least. “I wonder why they’d be a secret.”

“Because he wasn’t written into the story until the end of season two, duh,” Pinkie replies, as if that bit of nonsense, to Mr. Cake at least, was supposed to be perfectly obvious. “Now I’ll get to throw him a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party!”

“That’s nice, Pinkie,” Mr. Cake remarks, chalking up the first part that didn’t make sense up to Pinkie just being Pinkie. “You take these muffins out to the front and I suppose I can take care of things here with the missus if you want to go make your plans.”

“Thanks ever so muchly, Mr. Cake!” Pinkie cheers, causing the older stallion to chuckle at her enthusiasm. “I can’t wait to get started~!”

“You have a good time now,” he says while she takes the muffins out front, shaking his head once she’s well and truly gone. “Poor fellow won’t know what hit him.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Shining Armor sits up suddenly as a chill runs down his spine, Twilight too busy reading a book she’d taken from her own bags to notice.

“...why do I feel like somepony just walked over my grave?”

Chapter 9: The Sweetest of Poisons

Have I mentioned how much I despise mornings? They’re far too bright and cheerful, invading the privacy of my slumber like some happy go lucky busybody that insists I be just as bright and cheerful as they are. Well fuck mornings. Fuck them with a serrated dildo; right up the ass. With no lube. Yeah, that’d be great if I could bend the embodiment of mornings over a table and just vent my frustration and hatred of them to my heart’s content, but no. No, the closest thing there is to such a being is Celestia and she’s not about to sit there and let me abuse her like that. So I settle for the best glare I can muster, one likely bloodshot eye cracking open to stare daggers at the light seeping through the partially open curtains even as it shines on my face.

“Hate you,” I slur, mind still blanketed by the fog of not enough sleep and having just woken up. “Hate you so much.” I force myself to move, knowing that I won’t be getting back to sleep thanks to this rather rude awakening, shoving off the sheets and stumbling my way out of bed. The bathroom is my first stop, the zombie that I see in the mirror groaning weakly as I step up to the sink. I feel absolutely terrible and I look worse, but after my morning rituals are finished I at least no longer feel dead. Just half dead. Well, I suppose I’ve been worse off, so it’s time to see about some breakfast and perhaps a dozen mugs of coffee. I spot my new crown on the way out, sitting on my dresser, and contemplate whether I should put it on or not.

“Hell with it,” I mutter, levitating it to rest on my head, using my standing mirror to make sure it sits correctly and won’t just fall off. “Might as well get used to wearing the stupid thing.” I stare at myself, frowning as I turn slightly to better see my new headpiece. I look like an imposter, but I suppose that’s just my perspective coloring the issue.

“You don’t deserve to wear that crown, you murdering pig!”

I flinch as the spiteful mare’s voice rings through my mind, causing me to scowl. Well, she wasn’t wrong. I don’t know if anyone deserves to be given this sort of power, but I got it, whether I like it or not. I shake my head and step out of my quarters, reminding myself to keep my head high as I walk out into the halls. Last thing I need is a lecture about putting on a brave face, or whatever it is Celestia does every single day. A mask. I’ll need to practice if I don’t want any awkward questions. At least I won’t have to worry about court, so that’s something. The dining hall isn’t very busy, as I think I’m up later than most ponies tend to have breakfast. Suits me just fine. I hate all the bowing and scraping that I get whenever I come here during the lunch rush. I get my coffee, my cereal, and I ignore those few others that are here with me as I sit down to eat.

“I was wondering if we would ever meet face to face,” a voice I don’t recognize says, drawing me from my focus on my liquid caffeine, a frown on my face as I look up from it. I don’t recognize the unicorn stallion, though he’s obviously some sort of nobility from how he holds himself and how he’s dressed. Only nobles seem to wear clothes around here and even I can see the quality of his threads. He gives the barest of bows, one hoof held to his chest. “Greetings, Prince Artemis. I do not know if you’ve heard of me, but I am Prince Blueblood, a descendant of Princess Platinum.”

“Am I supposed to be impressed?” I ask, the stallion raising one delicately plucked brow in response to my tone. “Yeah, I’ve heard about you from Cadance.” I take a moment to sip from my mug. “Look, no offense or anything, but I’m really not up to socializing right now. I had a rough night and I’m only on my first cup of coffee, so…” I trail off, hoping he’ll catch the hint.

“I see,” he says, glancing at my mug briefly. “I had heard you were… abrasive, but the word does not seem to do you justice.” Gotta say, for royalty that isn’t an alicorn, he doesn’t ruffle easily. “I just wished to formally introduce myself, as you are technically my uncle due to your relationship to Aunt Celestia.” Yay, another fake relative. Just what I needed. “But, if you truly wish, I shall leave you be.” He gives me a nod. “Good day, uncle.” He then turns to leave and I can’t help but feel like an ass, causing me to sigh wearily.

“Wait,” I call out reluctantly, causing Blueblood to pause, the younger stallion half turning to face me now that I have his attention. “Look… I’m sorry. Like I said, last night kind of sucked, but I shouldn’t be snapping at you just because I’m in a bad mood.”

“It is quite alright, uncle,” Blueblood assures me, even smiling slightly. “I imagine everypony has had their share of bad days, so I have no problem letting this instance pass.”

“Great,” I say, glad that he won’t hold a grudge, though I’m also mildly annoyed by the use of the word “uncle”. Still, apologizing helps sooth my guilty conscience, so I let it slide. “So, what brings you here? I mean, it’s a little late for breakfast.” He looks at my half finished bowl pointedly. “Well, late for your average pony anyway.”

“Indeed,” he remarks, sounding amused. “As for why I am here… well, to be honest, I was trying to find my hoof servant, Brass Button. I sent him down for tea half an hour ago and yet no one has seen him.”

“That’s kind of strange,” I say while idly stirring my spoon in the remaining milk. “I take it he’s usually a good servant?”

“Oh, most definitely,” Blueblood replies while taking the seat across from me. “He has been with my family since before I was born. For him to just vanish like this is quite out of character.” He frowns and I see him chewing on the inside of his left cheek. “I do not wish to cause a stir, but I am beginning to wonder if I should speak to the guards about it.”

“Maybe some sort of family emergency came up?” I suggest before finishing my coffee. “Or maybe a health problem?”

“It is a possibility,” Blueblood admits, his frown deepening. “Brass is getting on in years and, well, his only family that I know of live in Manehattan.” His ears perk up and his eyes widen slightly, the stallion rising from his seat. “There he is!” He exclaims, my head turning to look even as Blueblood moves around the table. “Brass, old boy, whatever took you so long?”

“Young master,” a voice, quavering slightly with age, responds regretfully. I spot Blueblood approaching an old stallion, shoulders slightly stooped and mane thinning out, though he seems to hold himself with dignity. “I am terribly sorry, sire. The kitchens managed to run out of your favorite white leaf, so I was forced to nip into town in order to find some.” I stand and begin making my way over as Blueblood shakes his head.

“You did not have to go to such trouble, my friend,” Blueblood says, smiling fondly. They don’t seem to notice me approaching yet, which suits me just fine. “I would have settled for a good chamomile or an earl grey, if they have it.”

“Oh, pish posh,” Brass scoffs. “My dear young master, you should not have to settle. As the heir of your father’s estate, you deserve the best service I can provide, and that means getting you your favorite morning brew, even if I have to go buy it myself.”

“You really are far too good to me, Brass,” Blueblood chuckles. “Still, I was rather worried. Do try not to make me fret over you in the future, if you please.”

“Again, my humble pardons, sire,” Brass genuflects. “I shall endeavor not to—oh, goodness!” He finally spots me, and I’m almost on top of them by this point. His reaction, while amusing, is rather odd. He seems… scared of me, like I’ll bite his head off or something. “Oh… oh, forgive me, Prince Artemis. I… I did not see you there.”

“Honestly, uncle, we were just discussing his health, and here you are ready to give the poor stallion a heart attack,” I hear Blueblood chastise me, but my focus is on Brass Button. This wasn’t just me startling him. He’s frightened of me, though he’s doing his best to hide it. Why? Does he know what really happened on my first day in Canterlot? Did Blueblood tell him, then? So many questions and I’m not sure if I should even ask them.

Trust no one.

Damn it, Celestia. You’ve got me wondering if some scared old man is really a spy or assassin or… or I don’t even know what! I force myself to relax and forget about it, turning my attention away from Brass and back to Blueblood.

“Sorry about that,” I say, putting on my best “whoops” face. “I just wanted to meet the stallion you spoke so highly of. I didn’t mean to frighten anyone.”

“It is quite alright, Your Highness,” Brass assures me, seeming calmer than before. “I really should pay better attention to my surroundings.” He smiles, though he’s obviously forcing it. “Will you be joining the young master for tea, then?”

“No, that’s alright,” I say, smiling back politely. “Well, it was nice meeting you both, but I have an appointment to keep.” I nod to them both, stepping between them with one last look to Brass Button. “Good day to you.” I barely pay any attention to their replies, intent not on my appointment, but getting out of the palace. I need air, crisp and clear, and I won’t get it stewing over nothing in here.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“Well, he seemed an interesting sort,” Brass Buttons comments once Artemis has departed, Blueblood frowning at his new uncle’s back just as the alicorn leaves the dining hall. “So then, sire, shall I have your tea brought up to your chambers or will you be having it here in the dining hall?”

“I think I will return to my chambers,” Blueblood decides, ignoring his uncle’s odd behavior after meeting Brass Button for the time being. “There are some things Cadenza wishes me to review, so I think a spot of tea would be lovely while I work.”

“Of course,” Brass Button says with a respectful bow, Blueblood turning to leave, therefor missing how his servant’s eyes flicker to the doors Artemis left through nervously. “That was… him.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It’s not long before I’m in the air, the wind rustling over my coat and feathers as I soar. There’s nothing quite like flying freely, unburdened by petty concerns like gravity or physics. I mean, how am I even in the air with these wings? I don’t know much about how flying works, but I do know that I shouldn’t be able to do much more than glide with these things. I suppose that magic is, yet again, the answer. But what am I doing? I wanted to get away from things, not bring them up here with me. Time to go higher, to stretch the limits of the possible. With a grin I fly towards the heavens themselves, wondering if I could reach escape velocity if I really pushed it. Hell, who knows? I could likely fly to the moon and back if I really wanted to.

“God, I’m so full of it,” I say with a grin, breaking through the clouds and into the brilliantly bright skies beyond. I take a moment in that crisp, cold layer, gazing out over the world as I hover there. Everything is so much more simple up here. If I could, I’d build a castle in the clouds and just live here, away from any worries or baseless suspicions. But reality isn’t nearly so kind. Even if I did make my home here, there would always be something to bring me back down to earth. I’m doing it again. “Alright, no more thinking!” I fold my wings in against my sides and drop like a rock, cutting through the clouds with another well timed burst of telekinetic power. I angle myself so my nose is pointing downwards, the wind whistling in my ears as I continue to plummet, eventually reaching terminal velocity.

Now this, this is more like it! Speed, pure and simple, my heart thumping out a beat that makes my blood run hot as I grin in excitement. Time to up the ante. I spread my wings and begin to flap, laughing as I rocket downwards faster and faster, only to pull up above the city and wheel around the mountain on which it’s perched. I laugh, the sound wild and free, even as I circle higher, reaching the mountain’s peak in a matter of seconds, only to go into another dive, my laughter ringing through the rocky outcroppings that I have to bank to avoid. I spot a ledge and decide to risk landing, my eyes narrowing as my grin tightens. Well, if I fuck up, at least it won’t kill me. I suddenly spread my wings out wide, angling them so they catch the air, a wrenching, painful feeling ripping through my shoulders and back at the sudden decrease in velocity… but I’ve done it. The landing is a little on the rough side, but I touch down successfully.

“Ha HA!” I find myself doing a little jig, still feeling giddy from the rush of adrenaline and pure speed. This was exactly what I needed. “And just look at that view!” I smile as I gaze out over Canterlot and the lands beyond, the wind catching my mane as I spot the distant speck of Ponyville and the expanse of the Everfree. “Heh, not a bad little spot.” Maybe I should come up here more often. It’d be a good place to just be by myself, to think, to relax and just be free from all the things that I worry about, if even for a little while. And there it is again, reality deciding to take a shit all over my escapism. “That’s just the way things are, I suppose.” I can’t help but sigh, my elation seeping away as I frown down at the palace and city below me. “So, the question is: now what?”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Shining Armor had bid Twilight goodbye at the station, the young mare needing to check on Spike, while he had to go speak with the mayor about finding somewhere he can train the girls in private. Mayor Mare, while surprised by his presence, was more than happy to be of assistance. She brought out a map of the area surrounding Ponyville and there was plenty of Crown land in which he could set up. He’d then asked who supplies the area with construction materials and he was directed to the local branch of a place called “Dusty’s Depot”. He’d been given a small allowance from Princess Celestia that he could use in his efforts to train up Twilight and her friends, otherwise he’d be paying for everything out of his own pocket.

Lumber, cement mix, a mixer, and various tools that will be needed throughout the construction process are purchased. With these he’d be able to create the training grounds they’d need. The only problem is the fact he can’t do it all in a reasonable amount of time by himself. With the goods secured, he returns to the mayor’s office and makes inquiries about any local ponies that might be interested in being hired on for a construction project. Fortunately, it seems Ponyville has its own construction company; “Granite and Sons”, but they don’t work for cheap. Well, at least he’s not the one hoofing the bill. He speaks to their boss, the two of them drawing up plans for the training field and, with bits changing hooves, the crew of construction ponies leave for the site while he makes for the Golden Oaks library.

Now, Shining Armor is both looking forward to meeting Twilight’s friends and also dreading it. On the one hoof, he gets to meet the friends that helped Twilight come out of her social shell and also saved Equestria as a result. On the other, he has to subject them to pseudo-military training, something they’re quite likely to not appreciate. Granted, he’s not about to push them into true guard training, as neither he nor Princess Celestia wants them to be soldiers, but resentment is sure to be fostered regardless of his intent. Well, no point in continuing to worry about it. What will happen, will happen. With that in mind, Shining Armor walks up to the front door and raises his hoof to knock… only for the door to slowly creak open before he can even touch it.

“O… kay,” he murmurs as it swings fully open, the interior of the library blanketed by darkness, as if even the windows had been blocked so not a single bit of sunlight could find its way inside. Definitely not ominous at all. “Twily?” He calls as he steps past the threshold, frowning as he tries to peer into the shadows. “Spike? Are you there?” The door slams behind him, the captain actually flinching as a result. “Okay, okay, you got me.” He prepares to light his horn, chuckling at what he figures is a practical joke. “Very funny, Twi—”

“Surprise!” A chorus of voices he doesn’t recognize suddenly cheer, the lights coming on all at once, leaving him blinking at the crowded library and the banner hanging from the ceiling reading: Welcome to Ponyville! Okay, not what he’d been expecting. Still, a surprise party, for him? How had Twilight had the time to set this up?

“Were you surprised?” A cheerful, peppy voice asks, a bright pink pony with equally as bright blue eyes popping up from seemingly nowhere. “You look surprised, so were ya? Huh, huh, were ya?”

“Yes, yes I was surprised,” Shining Armor replies, causing the mare to giggle and prance in place. “I didn’t think I was gone long enough for Twily to have this set up.”

“Oh, well, that’s because you weren’t,” the pink pony, who, now that he’s gotten a better look at her, he identifies as Pinkie Pie, tells him, which only serves to confuse the good captain. “Twilight didn’t have anything to do with this, because I was setting this up before either of you got here!”

“Really?” Shining Armor isn’t sure he believes her, moving further into the room as ponies chat and have a good time. Snacks, decorations, drinks and balloons… how had Twilight done it? He isn’t aware of any spells that allow somepony to set up a party on such short notice but, then again, his speciality lies in defensive magic. So, he supposes it’s possible for Twilight to know something like this. “Then how did you know I was coming back with her?”

“I have my ways,” Pinkie replies mysteriously, looking quite pleased with herself. “But, hey, it’s your party, so get out there and mingle, mister guard captain!” He then finds himself being pushed towards the snack table, where most of the ponies are gathered. He also finds himself wondering how Pinkie knows he is a guard captain, until he reasons that Twilight must have told her. Finally she leaves him near the tables, the captain nodding and smiling to ponies as they greet him or raise a glass of what he assumes is punch to him.

“Shining!” Now there’s a voice he recognizes, Shining Armor smiling as he turns to greet the small drake in question as he makes his way through the gathering of ponies to greet him. “Been awhile.”

“Hey Spike,” Shining Armor greets him in return, raising one hoof to bump the offered fist. “Keeping Twily outta trouble?”

“You know it,” Spike replies with a grin. “What kind of assistant would I be if I didn’t?”

“That’s the spirit, little buddy,” Shining says, gaze lifting and searching the room briefly. “Where is that sister of mine anyway?”

“Ah, she’s here somewhere,” Spike replies, turning and looking over the guests for her, though his view is rather limited due to his height. “I kinda lost track of her when the lights were shut off, to be honest.”

“How’d she get this set up so fast?” Shining decides to ask, since Spike would be the most likely one to know.

“Twilight?” Spike turns his head, looking up at the captain over one shoulder curiously. “Um, well, she didn’t.”

“What?” Shining Armor blinks, one ear flicking as Spike’s words sink in. “What do you mean? She had to have—”

“No, that’d be Pinkie,” Spike actually interrupts him, pointing to the bouncing mare in question as she makes her rounds through the party. “She showed up before Twilight did and had me go find Rainbow Dash so we could pass out invitations while she set things up.”

“...really?” Shining stares at the pink pony, who pauses, in mid air, and turns with a smile, waving at him before going back to her bouncing. “That’s kind of… strange.” Is she somehow hiding a horn under all that poof of a mane or what?

“Eh, just Pinkie being Pinkie,” Spike dismisses it easily, which worries him more than if the young drake shared his feelings of disturbance. So this sort of thing from the pink earth pony is normal? “So, not that it isn’t great to see you, but what brings you to Ponyville?”

“Mission from Princess Celestia,” Shining replies, getting himself a cup of the punch. “Very hush-hush.”

“Yeah, sure it is,” Spike mutters, looking disappointed, Shining unable to help the chuckle that escapes him as the drake pouts. “Come on, Shining, you can tell me. I promise I won’t tell!”

“Well, okay,” Shining says, smirking as the drake’s eyes light up with excitement. “You see, I’m here… to train Twily and her friends so they can be safer during their adventures.”

“That’s it?” Spike asks, excitement fading rapidly. “I mean, safer is good and all, but I was expecting something more than that!” Shining laughs, the drake giving him the stink eye in response. “Oh, very funny, mister ‘I’m on a super important mission’.”

“Hey, keeping my LSBFF and her new friends safe is important,” Shining points out, taking a moment to try his newly procured cup of punch. Tasty. “And if that keeps my favorite dragon safe, too, then so much the better.”

“Hmph… well, I guess I can let it slide, just this once,” Spike says, tone holding mock reluctance as he smiles once more. “I’m gonna see if I can find Twilight. Hopefully she’s mingling instead of, you know, reading in a corner or something.”

“I wouldn’t hold my breath,” Shining jokes, getting a chuckle out of Spike as the drake waddles away. “Okay, Shining Armor. It’s your party, so I guess you should probably be mingling.”

“Probably,” a mare’s voice agrees. “That and you’re kind of being creepy just standing here talking to yourself.” Strangely enough, the voice is coming from above him, Shining looking up to see a pegasus hovering there that can only be Rainbow Dash. He doesn’t know of anypony else that matches such a unique description as hers, after all. “So you’re the brother we’ve never heard about. Bit strange that Twi’s never mentioned you, but hey, not any of my business.” She circles around and touches down in front of him, holding out a hoof. “Name’s Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in Equestria and future Wonderbolt. No flash photography, please.” The mare grins proudly. “It cramps my style.” Oh, boy, check the ego on this one.

“Shining Armor,” he introduces himself, bumping his hoof against hers. “As you somehow already know, I’m Twily’s older brother.”

“Yeah, I heard Pinkie say something about that while she was passing off the invitations to me,” Rainbow comments, moving over to grab herself a snack. “Of course, I didn’t quite believe her at first, but I guess I shoulda known better than to doubt Pinkie’s intuition.” Her words are garbled by a mouthful of cupcake, but Shining is able to get the gist of it. “Never woulda figured Twi would have such a hot older brother, though. No offense.”

“None taken?” Shining shakes his head in wonder at the mare’s straightforwardness. “I’m flattered, by the way, but I already have a special somepony.”

“So?” Rainbow swallows her bite, raising a brow at the declaration. “Doesn’t mean I can’t look.” He feels mildly uncomfortable as her gaze rakes over him shamelessly. “And there’s plenty to look at.” She takes a second bite, chews, and swallows, chuckling at his obvious discomfort. “Relax. I’m no poacher.” She finishes off her snack, bumping his shoulder playfully with hers as she passes him on her way into the crowd of chatting ponies. “Just don’t be surprised if I’m not the last to show interest. We don’t get many new ponies in town, after all, let alone new stallions.”

“Great,” Shining mutters before taking another sip of his punch. “Why does Ponyville have to have a higher mare to stallion ratio than Canterlot?” He wonders aloud, noting that, as a matter of fact, a good portion of the ponies in the room are mares. “Okay, Shining. Time to mingle.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I find myself shifting restlessly on a park bench, wearing my disguise as I wait, hoping that Nymphadora will visit the park today. After our weekend excursion, we didn’t really make any specific plans to meet up again, so I’m not sure if she’ll even show up at the park today. So, why am I here? To be honest, I’m not really sure. I just know that going back to the palace doesn’t sound appealing and, well, going anywhere else seems pointless. So, here I am, pony watching, wondering what it is about the activity that Nymphadora finds so appealing. Other ponies seem to fascinate the mare, which I find a little odd. But, hey, who am I to judge? I still haven’t come up with any hobbies to pursue during my own down time, after all. Well, there’s always flying, but does that really count as a hobby? I have no idea.

Still, it’s interesting to watch others as they enjoy the park, some with foals, others clearly spending time with their… special someponies. Bleh, yet another cutesy sounding piece of terminology. I’ve heard marefriend and coltfriend, but not as often as special somepony. Why? No idea, but it’s a popular term regardless of my ignorance. There’s still so much about this world that I don’t understand and my lessons still haven’t moved past the pre-Celestial era, when Celestia began her rule alone. I have learned how they initially took their thrones, though. Basically, and I’m sure details have been lost to time, the ponies of their day saw their combined traits as a way to solidify the still fledgeling unity of the three pony tribes, so, with the backing of the ruling council of the time, they took the role of princesses. Why princesses and not queens? Again, no idea. Maybe I’ll ask sometime, after I break Tia’s nose for dumping the court on me like that.

“Wham, pow!” I throw a punch, imagining my hoof sinking into the tender flesh of Celestia’s snout. “Right in the kissa!”

“Easy there, Dusk,” a familiar, sultry voice teases, my ears perking up as my head turns to find the source. Nymphadora’s standing off to my right, smirking as heat rushes to my cheeks and she stops next to my bench. “Ponies will think you’re crazy if you keep acting like that.”

“Oh, shut up,” I grumble, earning a giggle as I turn my head away with a huff. “It’s not like I care what other ponies think.”

“Then why are you embarrassed?” Nymphadora asks cheekily, causing me to twitch as irritation jolts through me. “So, where have you been, Dusky? It’s been awhile.”

“Well…” I trail off, trying to come up with a convincing lie. Then, failing that, I decide to twist the truth instead. “I had to deal with some legal stuff. It ate up my time, so, sorry about that.”

“Ohhh, because of the whole parolee thing?” She asks and I give a noncommittal grunt in response, hoping she doesn’t pry further. “Well, that sucks. At least you’ve got some free time now, right?”

“Yeah, though honestly I’m not sure what to do with it,” I remark tiredly, the little surge of adrenaline left over from my flight wearing off. “I didn’t get much sleep last night and now I’m just… bleh.” I hear Nymphadora make a thoughtful sound, glancing her way to see the mare looking at me as if considering something. Why does every mare in my life have that same expression? What is she planning? Should I be worried? Wait, slow down, she’s not Celestia. Maybe hear her out before you start jumping to conclusions. “Something wrong?”

“I was just thinking about how I had been planning to ask you to join me for lunch again, but if you’re that tired then maybe you should go home and get some more sleep,” Nymphadora replies, expression shifting to one of concern. Wow, someone that seems genuinely concerned about my wellbeing. Color me shocked. Then again, would she feel the same if she knew who I really am? I give my head a shake, dismissing the notion. No point in worrying over hypotheticals. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just shaking out the cobwebs,” I say with a weary grin, though she doesn’t seem amused by my attempt at levity. “I can take a nap later, Nymph. Where do you want to eat? I’ll make a quick run home for some bits and meet you there.”

“Are you sure?” Nymphadora asks, to which I nod. “Okay then, I won’t argue with you. You’re a grown stallion after all, so it’s your decision.” She smiles. “How about we try one of those ‘three horseshoe’ places on Restaurant Row? I hear they’re all the rage.” Three horseshoe? What? “We can check out the various places to eat and meet in the middle to decide where to go, if you like.”

“Yeah, sure,” I say, still not sure what a place being “three horseshoe” even means. “I’ll be ten, maybe fifteen minutes tops.”

“It’s a date,” Nymphadora says with a grin, making me roll my eyes, only for my whole body to lock up when I feel something warm and soft press against my cheek, my vision filled with her beaming face before she departs with a giggle. “See ya in ten~” Did she… what just… does not compute. Artemis.exe has experienced a critical system error and must shut down. Manual restart required.

“Bwuh?” Well said, me. Well said.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Cadance sighs softly as she goes over various reports from the different provinces of Equestria, Raven Inkwell, Celestia’s secretary/advisor, on standby in case she needs any clarification on matters that cross her proverbial desk. Proverbial because, at the moment, she is seated on the throne her aunt would usually occupy for Day Court, which had just let out. Not that ponies with matters of importance couldn’t still approach her, of course, but the official window for the masses to air their grievances had closed maybe twenty minutes ago. Or was it thirty? Unlike Celestia, she doesn’t intrinsically know the time of day off the top of her head, and the fact there is no clock in the throne room doesn’t help either.

“Your Highness?” Cadance looks up from her reading, something about a manticore wandering out of the Everfree’s southern borders, to see a guard closing the throne room doors behind himself. “I am sorry to trouble you, Princess Cadance, but we found some strange stallion wandering the halls of the palace in a daze. We were wondering if you had any specific instructions on how we should deal with him, considering he was intruding into areas not open to the public.”

“Where did you find this intruder?” Cadance asks, frankly both concerned and relieved to hear about this. Concerned because of the breach in security and relieved because she, like many others, finds bureaucracy dreadfully dull. “Is he alright?”

“He seems unharmed,” the guard begins, ears folding back in a show of embarrassment. “We found in the hall leading to the Royal Suites, stumbling about and muttering to himself, but we’re still not sure how he managed to avoid detection until that point.”

“That is concerning,” Cadance remarks, passing the reports off to Raven before stepping off the throne. “Where is the intruder now?”

“Being held for questioning,” the guard replies, frowning severely. “But so far we haven’t gotten anything out of him. He just… sits there, staring into space.” Cadance didn’t like the sound of that, moving down from the dais and standing before the guard.

“Take me to him,” Cadance requests. “I want to see this intruder for myself.”

“As you command, Your Highness.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

When Cadance arrives at the holding area, she’s directed to a room on the other side of a mirror, having to stop herself from staring in shock once she sees who it is they have inside the interrogation room. Sitting there, expression dazed and eyes vacant, is Artemis, or at least his disguised self. Dear Faust, what happened to him? He looks like he’s in shock! She glances at the guard, who’s looking at the disguised prince with a mix of frustration and consternation.

“I wish to speak to the intruder privately,” she says, drawing a confused look from said guard. “I may be able to get him to open up. Not that I doubt the abilities of the guard when it comes to questioning suspects, but perhaps a… softer touch is needed in this case.”

“If you say so, Your Highness,” the guard replies, levitating over a key to her. “I’ll be out in the hall if you need me.” He then salutes and departs the observation room, taking up a post across the hall as she follows him out, stepping into the interrogation room once it’s unlocked. She then creates a ward around the room, a means of ensuring privacy, so nopony will overhear or be able to observe them, not even from the other side of the one-way mirror.

“Artemis?” She calls to him softly once the room is secure, moving to his side and laying a hoof on his shoulder. “Can you hear me?”

“Yeah, I hear you,” Artemis replies, his dazed look vanishing almost instantly as he turns his head to face her. “Christ, this is a mess, isn’t it?”

“You… you’re okay?” She can’t believe this. “Damn it, Artemis, what were you thinking? If this is some poorly thought out attempt at a joke, it’s not funny!” And to think that she’d been worried about him!

“Hey, I have a better sense of humor than that,” Artemis replies, looking rather annoyed about what she just said. “I just… forgot to turn off my disguise before teleporting back into the palace.”

“Oh, Faust, Artemis,” Cadance groans, stepping away and taking the only other seat in the small room across the table from him. “That’s not something you can just forget!” She frowns at him, something occurring to her. “And why were you even disguised in the first place?”

“I wasn’t exactly in the best state of mind when I got back,” Artemis grouses, ears folding back as he tries to mask his embarrassment with anger. “Plus, how is it any of your business? I’m, like, a thousand years older than you and, last I checked, I don’t have to tell you about everything I do anymore.”

“Age doesn’t necessarily denote maturity,” Cadance points out, Artemis only proving her point by sticking his tongue out at her. “And you’re right, what you do during your free time isn’t any of my business unless, you know, you happen to break the law.”

“I didn’t break any laws, Candy,” Artemis bites out, forelegs crossing over his chest irritably. “I live here, remember?”

“Then why didn’t you just drop the disguise when the guards found you?” Cadance asks, making the older stallion shift in his seat uncomfortably. “What happened to get you so out of sorts that you managed to get arrested for trespassing in your own home?” Artemis doesn’t immediately reply, trying to burn a hole through the table with his gaze. “Well?” He mumbles something, too quiet for even her own heightened senses to pick up. “What was that?”

“That silly mare kissed me,” he growls out through clenched teeth, cheeks blazing with color as her eyes widen. “Yeah, that’s right, my brain was fried by a kiss on the cheek, so go ahead and get the laughs out of your system already!”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I can’t believe this! How could I have been so fucking stupid?! Nymphadora kisses my cheek and I act like some idiotic child! And now, now I have to deal with my alter ego being arrested, all because I didn’t have the presence of mind to just drop the disguise like I was supposed to! To top it all off, Cadance is going to start laughing any second now, I just know she will. I know I would, if I was in her shoes.

“Why would I laugh about that?” Cadance asks, looking both offended by the notion and also concerned. “Artemis… matters of the heart aren’t something to ridicule. Love is—”

“Oh, no, you can stop right there,” I interrupt her, planning on nipping this lunacy right in the bud. “For the last time, Nymphadora is my friend. Just because we’ve gone out to lunch a few times doesn’t mean we’re dating.” I look away with a huff. “Stupid love obsessed candy princess.”

“There are more kinds of love than just the romantic kind, you know,” Cadance points out, getting this smug look on her face as I feel heat rising in my cheeks. “I wasn’t trying to imply that you’re falling for the mare or anything.”

“Yeah, sure, and I’m a leprechaun,” I grumble, glaring at her through my bangs as I lower my head slightly, trying to hide my blush. Damn it, I’m not falling in love! I can’t be! I haven’t even known Nymphadora all that long, for fuck’s sake. She just surprised me, that’s all. Yes, it was just a shock for her to kiss my cheek like that, nothing more. “You just keep your busybody nose out of my perfectly platonic relationship. The last thing I need is someone trying to play matchmaker, Princess of Love or not.”

“Okay, okay, relax,” Cadance says soothingly, though I keep glaring at her for good measure. “I’m sorry for teasing you. You’re just so… adorable whenever you get all huffy like this.”

“I am not adorable!” I snap, cheeks practically burning at this point. “Look, forget it. I’ll apologize to the guards and… wait.” Something finally occurs to me, my eyes searching the room for a clock that isn’t there. “What time is it?”

“It’s… sometime in the early afternoon?” Cadance offers, sounding unsure. “Why do you ask?”

“I might be late for lunch with Nymphadora,” I groan, letting my head bang against the table. “Great. My first friend and I manage to screw things up.”

“Oh, relax,” Cadance says, patting my head even as I turn it so I can glare at her again. Relax? How can I possibly relax?! “We’ll get this sorted out with the guards and then you’ll be on your way to your not-date in no time.” She offers me an encouraging smile. “Don’t worry, Artemis. I’ve got this.”

“...why doesn’t that make me feel any better?”

“Oh, hush.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“You’re lucky that Princess Cadenza is so generous,” the guard escorting me out of the palace grumbles, not happy with how things turned out. “You should be facing jail time, not a fine and a warning to not do it again.”

“What can I say?” I can’t help myself, the snark just flowing out of my mouth before I can stop it. “She simply couldn’t resist my roguish charms.”

“Keep dreaming, pal,” the guard snaps, giving me a not so gentle push out the main gate. “I ever catch you within sight of the palace again and I’ll lock you up on principle. Now get lost!” He then slams the gate shut, a sigh escaping me once he leaves. Well, at least that’s over with. Here’s hoping Nymphadora won’t be too mad with me once I find this “Restaurant Row” place. It’s not all that hard to find as it turns out, my eyes scanning over the various buildings as I make my way down the street. Almost every single one of them has a sign above the door with three stylized horseshoes engraved into it, making me wonder what it could mean.

Of course, I have no idea what to pick. The different names just blur together, their facades remarkably similar otherwise, so I really have no clue as to where we should go once I find Nymph. I guess I can let her pick as an apology, since I’m pretty much lost at this point, so that settles that. I’m still kinda new to this whole friendship thing, after all. Well, I say new, but I had friends before I… died. I think. It was a thousand years ago, so I honestly don’t remember anymore. And I’m rambling in my head again. This is one hell of a bad habit I have. Maybe I should talk to my therapist about it? It couldn’t hurt I suppo—

“You’re late,” a very disgruntled sounding voice derails my crazy train of thought, my legs locking up as I see Nymphadora giving me one hell of a glare. “We agreed to fifteen minutes, not triple that.” Ouch, no wonder she looks so mad. “What took you so long, Dusk? I was just about to go looking for you and everything!” Shit, what do I say? Quick, brain, come up with an excuse!

“Uh…” God fucking damn it, brain! Get your shit together and DO SOMETHING! “I-I’m sorry, Nymph, believe me, I didn’t expect to take so long.” Okay, good, start off with an apology. Now just come up with a convincing lie and we’ll be fine. Probably. Maybe not, but we have to try something! “But I ran into my niece and she decided we needed to have a visit.” It’s as close to the truth as I can get, even though it’s still a lie, but at least it’s something.

“You have a niece?” Nymph asks, sounding like she doesn’t believe me. “Since when?”

“Since my sister decided to have foals?” I shrug uncomfortably. “I didn’t expect the visit, but I’m sorry it took up so much time.” I think of something, smiling hopefully. “How about I treat you this time, as my apology?” She stares at me for a few moments, frowning deeply, probably mulling it over, then sighs heavily.

“Fine,” she says, though she doesn’t sound happy about it. “But on one condition.”

“Name it,” I say eagerly, part of me wondering why I’m so ready to throw myself upon her mercy, but the rest of me is too relieved to care. She steps in close, our horns crossing, heat rising in my cheeks as I remember the kiss from earlier. Damn it, what’s the matter with me? I feel like I’m going through puberty, again! And now my brain is melting as her lips, soft, warm, full, press against mine, her tongue questing past them and into my mouth, even as my brain screams and something worms its way into my head and—

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“Dusk?” What? What was… wasn’t she just kissing me? But she’s not in reach, and my head… ugh, why does my head hurt? “Are you okay?”

“Yes?” I reply uncertainly, feeling dizzy and confused. What was that? “Did you just…?” I trail off, my cheeks on fire, and she just looks at me, puzzled. “Forget it.”

“I was just saying that you’re buying me desert, too,” Nymph informs me, sounding concerned. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” I lie, my head killing me. “I just spaced out there for a second, I guess.” I need to see the palace physician, my shrink, someone, it doesn’t matter. That little delusion wasn’t normal, no matter how fucked up my head is. But for now, lunch sounds good. That and an entire bottle of Aspirin, maybe with some scotch to wash it down with. Yeah, that’d be awesome but, unfortunately, I’ll just have to deal with it. Besides, it’s not like I haven’t been in worse pain before, so this migraine won’t stop me. “Come on, let’s decide on a place and get something to eat.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Chrysalis watches the disguised Artemis walking along the restaurant fronts, smiling pleasantly, though the expression leaves her eyes cold as ice. For a moment she’d been worried that she’d gone too far, but he seems to have dismissed the kiss as a daydream. It had been a means to shock him, to lower his guard, but, she had to admit, the flare of lust she’d induced in him had been satisfying in its own right. Too bad she has to let him think it was only his imagination, otherwise it would be excellent leverage she could have used at a later date. Still, she’d gained something much better; a back door into the alicorn’s mind. Carefully cultivated, it would serve her purposes very well indeed. For now, however, she must be patient. Patient and cautious, for if Artemis manages to catch on to her manipulations before her hive is ready… well, she didn’t like thinking about what he’d do in that case.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Shining Armor spent his time at the party speaking to different ponies, politely declining any advances, from mares and stallions, which always managed to surprise him, and just enjoying himself while he could. He managed to meet the other Element Bearers; first had been Applejack, who’d just about shook his right foreleg off, apparently the same greeting she’d given his sister the first time they’d met. Fortunately she showed absolutely no interest in him, so that bit of awkwardness was avoided at least. As Twilight’s brother, he’d been assured that if he ever needed anything, all he had to do was seek out the Apple family. He’s glad his sister has such good friends. It would make her life much easier going forward.

Next had been Fluttershy, though their meeting had been accidental. The mare had been sticking to the fringes of the party, avoiding the larger groups, and he’d almost tripped over her she’d been so inconspicuous. She’d stammered a quiet, almost too quiet, apology, he’d tried to apologize instead, and then she’d tried to take all the blame for his mistake for herself. Element of Kindness? More like Element of Martyrdom. Still, once they’d gotten past the awkward introduction, she’d opened up just a tiny bit, revealing a nice—if terribly shy, fitting given her name—mare who loved animals and her friends.

Third, and last, was Rarity; cultured, dignified, and definitely interested. She didn’t say anything, perhaps having spoken to Rainbow Dash, but unless he was mistaken, which is possible, she’d been horribly disappointed that he isn’t single. Still, she was polite, if a little… she wasn’t stuck up, but she reminded him of some of the Canterlot nobility in a way. Whether that is a good or bad thing, however, only time will tell. Eventually the party wound down, until finally just Twilight, himself, Spike and the other mares were left. Now here they are, seated at the central table, the leftovers of the party surrounding them, the tense silence thick enough to cut with a knife. Apparently Twilight had informed them of exactly why he’d come to Ponyville with her in the first place. Good. It would save him some time.

“Alright, if none of ya’ll will say it, Ah will,” Applejack spoke up, frowning at him from across the table. “I ain’t fixin’ tah be made inta some kinda soldier, Twilight’s brother or not. Ah’m a farmer and that’s what Ah’ll always be.”

“Well, that’s good,” Shining says, her puzzled expression causing him to smile. “Because the princess has plenty of soldiers already and we’re in agreement; we don’t want to make you soldiers or even Crown agents. We just want you to be able to respond properly in emergencies, so you’ll be both safer and more effective whenever your help is needed.”

“Well then, you’ve got nothing to worry about with me,” Rainbow Dash boasts, grinning proudly. “I’ve been training my whole life to join the Wonderbolts and I can handle anything the world decides to throw at me!”

“Says the mare who decided kicking a fully grown dragon in the snout was a good idea,” Shining counters dryly, the rainbow maned pegasus’ cheeks darkening as she glares at him heatedly. “I’ll admit, Miss Dash, you’re a good flier and, from what Twily’s told me, a decent weather manager, but you’re clearly not as great as you think you are.”

“Now hold on just a second,” Rainbow protests, slamming her hooves down atop the table hard enough to cause it to creak ominously. “Okay, sure, I messed up, but—”

“But nothing,” Shining cut her off, leaning forward and meeting her gaze directly. “You could have gotten everypony killed. If Prince Artemis and Princess Luna hadn’t been there to protect you, you very well might have.”

“Shiny, that’s enough,” Twilight protests, glancing between him and the scowling mare worriedly. “Rainbow Dash may be brash sometimes, but she’s a good friend. I won’t sit here and let you cut her down to make a point.”

“No.” This came from Rainbow Dash, her ears folded back, a look of deep shame on her face. “No, he’s right. I hate it, but he’s right.” She sits back down, face partly hidden by her bangs as she continues to speak. “It was stupid, but I never… I would never let my friends get hurt because of me.”

“Don’t beat yourself up so much, Dashie,” Pinkie Pie says, patting her shoulder comfortingly. “You just let yourself get too excited, that’s all.” She smiles broadly. “I do that all the time, and, besides, we’re all okay!”

“This time,” Rainbow mutters, though she seems to feel a little better thanks to the pink mare’s words. “Okay, fine. You’ve made your point, at least to me.”

“I have a question, if I may,” Rarity says, drawing Shining Armor’s attention from the chastised Rainbow Dash. “You’re here to train us, correct?” He nods in response. “This would involve very physical pursuits, dirt and sweat, yes?” Another nod. “I don’t suppose we can refuse?”

“Of course you can,” Shining says, surprising them all with the admission. “You’re not soldiers and this isn’t a royal decree. But if you’d had the training I want to give you when you confronted the dragon, things would have gone very differently.” He glances over the six of them. “I want to teach you discipline, how to not panic in a dangerous situation and give you the reflexes that could very well save your lives. I don’t expect, or want, you to be soldiers but maybe, just maybe, I can help keep you all as safe as you can be whenever you have to go into danger again.”

“We won’t have to hurt anypony, will we?” Fluttershy asks, half hiding behind her mane, even flinching slightly as his gaze falls on her next. “I mean, I know you said we don’t have to be soldiers, but, while I certainly don’t want to speak for everypony, I don’t think any of us want to learn how to… how to hurt.” She’d come close to saying something else, but she made her point just fine.

“You won’t learn anything you don’t want to,” Shining assures her, even offering her a smile. “I understand your reservations, but I really do believe the training I have in mind will help.”

“Well, Ah know ya probably mean well, but Ah can’t just drop everything just ta do this training of yers,” Applejack interjects. “Ah have a farm to run, Rarity has a business to manage, even Dash and Pinkie have their jobs ta do… how do ya’ll think we’re supposed ta work this out, sugarcube?”

“I can work around your schedules,” Shining replies readily. “I’m not on any set timetable. My orders simply say that I have to train you, so it doesn’t matter how I have to do it or how long it takes.”

”But that means you could be here for a very long time,” Rarity observes. “What would happen if we all choose not to take part? Would you just be stuck here?”

“Oh, come on, Rarity, I’m sure the princess is more reasonable than that,” Rainbow Dash scoffs. “Besides, I don’t know about you, but I’m always up for more training.” She throws a smirk Shining Armor’s way. “If Captain Armor here thinks he can keep up, that is.”

“Down, girl,” Applejack jokingly chastises. “Well, as long as it won’t interfere with mah work on the farm, Ah guess Ah can get behind it, too.”

“You know me, Shiny,” Twilight begins, though she seems a little uncomfortable about it. “I’m not saying I’m all that thrilled, of course, but…”

“But it’s from Princess Celestia,” Shining finishes for her, smiling right back. “That’s three of you so far. Remember, this is voluntary. So, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

“Sure, why not?” Pinkie shrugs, spinning in her chair… whose seat shouldn’t be able to spin. “Sounds like it could be fun!”

“Ngn, I don’t know,” Rarity begins hesitantly. “I don’t mind working out in order to stay healthy but… but we’d be getting so dirty.” She shudders. “Ohhh, I don’t want to but… fine. But I reserve the right to voice my displeasure over it!”

“You, fuss over a bit of dirt?” Applejack looks like she’s trying not to grin, leaving her eyes bright with mirth. “Perish the thought, sugarcube.”

“I know where you sleep, Applejack,” Rarity reminds the other mare, Shining raising his brows at this. Wow, not what he’d expected in the least. “So if you happen to wake up one morning wearing one of my more… risque ensembles when your brother comes to wake you, you’ll have nopony to blame but yourself.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Applejack protests, glaring across the table at the other mare heatedly. Are they going to fight? Shining Armor prepares himself, just in case, only for the two of them to laugh, though Rarity’s is more of a dainty giggle than the guffaw from Applejack. Why had he ever expected his LSBFF’s friends to be normal ponies? How silly of him.

“That just leaves you, Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash points out, drawing everypony’s attention to the mare who’d been mostly silent up until this point.

“Oh, dear,” the buttery yellow pegasus murmurs, clearly not happy to be suddenly thrust into the spotlight. “I wouldn’t want to drag the rest of you down, so maybe I should just sit this one out.”

“That’s your choice to make, Fluttershy,” Shining Armor reminds her. “I, of course, would recommend you take part, but ultimately it’s you that has to decide. Not me, not your friends; just you.” This doesn’t seem to help much, the pressure seeming to make the mare want to look smaller in her seat. “Just think about it for now. The training grounds won’t be ready any time soon, so you have time to consider your options.” He hops down off of his chair. “The same goes for the rest of you. If you change your minds about this, nopony will hold it against you. But if you really commit to this, I expect your very best effort.” He gives them all one last serious look before making to depart. “It was nice meeting you all. I’ll be staying at the Mareweather Inn if you need me.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“What the fuck is this?” I ask as I stare at my plate, the two of us having finally settled on a restaurant, only for the interior to be… posh. And not in a good way. Well, I figured, it’s Restaurant Row, a popular destination in Canterlot. Posh places are to be expected. Then again, when I hear the name “Dine n’ Dash” I don’t expect… whatever this is.

“It’s food,” Nymphadora replies hesitantly as she stares at her own plate. “I think.” She tilts her head, frowning slightly. “Maybe?”

“It’s rich people food,” I grumble, the tiny portions and overall presentation leaving me thoroughly unenthused. “Well, I’m paying for it, so we might as well try it.” I pop one of the three tiny helpings into my mouth, able to fit it all in no problem, and chew thoughtfully. I don’t know what I’d been expecting, but this bland, almost tasteless, fare is not it. From the look on her face, Nymph isn’t enjoying her own meal any more than I am. It’s not like it tastes bad, of course, but it needs to taste like something, anything, before it can have any such qualifiers attached to it.

“This is the best Restaurant Row has to offer?” Nymph asks once she finishes her own morsel, looking outraged. Not that I can blame her. What a waste of goddamn money. “I’ve eaten raw grass with more flavor than this!”

“I’ve never eaten anything so… boring.” I screw up my face, unable to come up with a better description for what I just ingested. “Hey, garcon!” I draw the attention of our server. “Check, please!” He goes to tabulate our bill, and I push away my plate in disgust. “That place you took me before had no hooves and wasn’t on Restaurant Row,” I remark, thinking about what that could mean. “Are all the rated places like this?”

“I don’t know,” Nymph replies, also quite done with her own “meal”. “But let’s not waste money finding out.”

“Amen to that,” I grumble, levitating my coin purse off of where it hangs around my neck. Since I have no idea how ponies seemingly pull things out of thin air, I thought it best to secure it someplace I could keep track of it. The bill comes, I slap some coins on the table and we leave, both of us rather disappointed by the experience. Damn it, this isn’t how I wanted any of this to go! This was supposed to be a nice, relaxing afternoon for the both of us, and yet, despite my efforts, we’re left with a literal bad taste in our mouths. Should I just stop trying? It just seems like anything I do is doomed to end in failure. “...no.”

“Dusk?” Nymph calls to me, sounding concerned, the scowl on my face likely not helping in that regard. “It’s okay, Dusk—”

“No, it’s not,” I protest, only to flinch as I realize that I just snapped at her. “Sorry, I won’t let this ruin our afternoon.” I inhale, then exhale, seeking that calm center that my therapist insists I find whenever I’m upset. Of course, I don’t often try, but I’m willing to put in the effort just this once. “Well, there’s nothing for it. We need… junk food.”

“Junk food?” Nymphadora parrots, causing me to grin.

“And lots of it~”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Chrysalis can’t help staring in morbid fascination as the disguised Artemis wolfs down yet another, admittedly tasty, hay burger, his table manners simply atrocious, even by changeling standards. He’d dragged them across Canterlot, hunting for a place to acquire the junk food he had spoken of, eventually bringing them to the Canterlot branch of the fast food chain simply known as “The Hay Burger”. His mouth ringed by catsup, the prince in commoner’s clothing revels in his stacks of burgers, horseshoe fries, and extra large milkshake. By the First Egg, he’s eating like he’s afraid he’ll never do so again.

“Are you even breathing right now?” Chrysalis asks, a tremor in her voice, a certain awe and fear coloring her tone at how much he’s packing away. “Where are you even putting it all?”

“Hm?” He looks up from his tray, cheeks puffed out with his mouthful of food. He takes a moment to finish chewing and swallows. “Sorry, did you say something?”

“You’re going to make yourself sick eating so fast,” Chrysalis remarks, though she wonders if being an alicorn has any effect on that. “I mean I can sort of get why you’re stuffing your face right now, but maybe slow down a little?”

“Sorry,” he says, taking a moment to wipe his mouth with a napkin. “It’s just been… a very long time since I’ve had food like this.” She can’t help raising a brow at this.

“How long are we talking about here?” She asks, curious, taking a moment to enjoy her own burger now that she’s no longer watching the train wreck of his hunger being sated.

“Feels like it’s been a thousand years,” Artemis mutters, something in his eyes, the set of his shoulders, even the look on his face, suggesting something deeper than hyperbole lying behind his words. “God, I’d forgotten… nevermind.” He smiles, though the expression doesn’t reach his eyes, Chrysalis letting herself taste his emotions, wanting to know what had brought this on. She gets feelings of loss, regret, and… anger. Not at anyone in particular, at least not as far as she can tell at the moment, but it is still there. “After sampling what the elite think food is, I thought this would be a much nicer fare for us to enjoy.”

“I won’t deny the fact that, despite the grease, I’m enjoying myself,” Chrysalis admits, the food,while lacking any nutritional value to her, rather pleasing to her palate. While a changeling can technically “digest” food, their insides basically breaking it down to so much paste that can be regurgitated later, they gain absolutely nothing from the experience, save perhaps enjoying the taste. For despite having an almost nonexistent digestive tract, a changeling’s sense of taste differs very little from that of the average pony. Perhaps to better blend in with their prey? She can’t even begin to guess, honestly. “You’ll just have to get me dessert later.”

“So demanding,” Artemis groans in an overly dramatic fashion, Chrysalis smirking as he slumps down in his seat. “But I guess I did promise, so… hm.” He frowns, looking thoughtful. “Any good dessert places around here?” Chrysalis freezes up, mind scrambling, unable to remember ever seeing a shop specializing in sweets. Then again, it’s not as if she’d ever been looking for one, either. “Wait.” Artemis, thankfully, seems to have thought of something. “I do know one place but, well… it’s in Ponyville.” He gives her a searching glance. “It’d be a bit far for dessert but I’m just about out of other ideas at the moment.”

“Maybe next time,” Chrysalis replies, not wanting to tempt fate by going to where Captain Armor had been sent. “We’ll just take a rain check on that dessert, so no worries.”

“Alright, if you’re sure,” Artemis says, relaxing a bit with that out of the way. “So, I was sort of wondering…” He trails off, looking distinctly uncomfortable, before finally shaking his head. “No, nevermind.” She feels a spike of fear, which he swiftly squashes when he goes quiet. Curious.

“What’s the matter?” She asks, wanting to know why he’d suddenly shut down like that. “Come on, Dusk, it’s okay. You can talk to me about anything.”

“Anything?” For some reason this amuses him, again only serving to confuse her. Nothing her mother had been able to teach her about ponies ever seems to apply to the strange alicorn called Artemis. “And what if I were to tell you that I’m an alien from beyond the stars?”

“I’d say your sense of humor needs some work,” she replies dryly, his poor attempt at distracting her falling flat on its face. “Come on, Dusk, I’m trying to be serious here.” Her words cause a flare up of sadness, of all things. “Now just say what you were going to say already.”

“I don’t know how to ask this,” he begins tentatively after a long period of silence, playing with the remnants of his latest victim/burger nervously. “So, I guess, I’ll just ask: why me?”

“Why you?” Chrysalis echoes, puzzled, and surprised, by the question. “Why you… what?”

“Why did you approach me in the first place?” He clarifies, frowning across the table at her, no longer toying with his food. “You didn’t know anything about me, so I’m wondering why you felt the need to,” the left corner of his mouth lifts ever so slightly, “throw yourself at me like that.”

“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?” She grumbles, genuine embarrassment and annoyance coloring her tone as she remembers her first fumbling attempts at seduction. It’s not exactly something you can teach a family member, not unless you want to get really weird, so she doesn’t blame her mother for not being able to convey the lessons properly, especially given the circumstances of their confinement. But damn if it didn’t make things more difficult at times. “Alright, this isn’t going to be very flattering, but here goes… I was in a bit of a dry spell.”

“You were what?” The terminology seems to confuse him, so she decides to elaborate.

“I mean that you’re a cute stallion,” she smirks at how his cheeks darken, “and I hadn’t been on a date in ages. The fact that you were a convicted criminal was just an added bonus.”

“How does that even work?” he asks, frown returning as a result of her words.

“Every mare likes a bad colt,” Chrysalis responds, taking a moment to sip from her shake before continuing. “Though, honestly, if you had succumbed to my… charms, it likely wouldn’t have gone very far.”

“So because I resisted your fumbling attempts at coming across, it made you more interested instead of less?” He shakes his head slightly. “Okay, I don’t understand but that does answer my question, I guess.”

“Don’t sound so disappointed,” she teases him. “We’re here, having a good time. Why question it?”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Why am I questioning this? Why can’t I just enjoy the moment? My therapist would likely know the answer, but I honestly can’t be bothered right now. Stop poking at it, Artemis, and say something already. She’s getting that worried look on her face again.

“I’m sorry,” I say at last, trying my best to smile. “I don’t know where that came from, but you’re right. We are here and this has been fun.”

“Why do I hear a ‘but’ coming on?” Nymph asks, that concerned look still on her face. What do I say? But I don’t deserve this? But I’ve been lying to you from the first day we’ve met? But I’m a fraud? Fuck’s sake, there’s so many things I could say, but what would be the point? She’d never believe any of it.

“No buts,” I lie instead, smile widening a touch. “I just never thought I’d enjoy spending time with somepony so much.” A kernel of truth to hide the lie. “I’ve never been very outgoing, you know?” To say the very least. “So, I guess what I should say is; thank you. For everything.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Chrysalis finds herself fighting the urge to laugh. The idea that Artemis would thank her for using him amuses her to no end. Instead she puts on a smile, mirroring his, just as much of a lie, though of course for a different reason.

“No need to thank me, Dusk,” she says, giggling softly, having to let the mirth bubbling up inside her out somehow, otherwise she might just blow her cover. “It’s been my pleasure~”

Chapter 10: The Mark of One's Destiny

I was in such a good mood that when I got back to the palace the news that Celestia and Luna still hadn’t returned almost didn’t bother me. Almost. What could they be looking into that they were taking so long? I know it’s just been a day, but Christ, I’m not meant for politics. Not sure what exactly I’m actually meant for, but that’s a question for another time. At least tonight won’t be completely awful, considering what I have lined up for court. I just hope Trixie is a better stage magician than she is a liar.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“Ugh, it is going to be Tartarus returning to my normal sleep schedule,” Luna grumbles as she follows Celestia down the ill used trail. “And why is it we are now relegated to the ground? Would it not be faster to fly over this mess?” This mess being a tangled, dark wood well beyond Equestria’s borders, the pair now in the form of two unicorns, reminiscent of how they used to look in their younger days. Celestia was being increasingly miserly with the sharing of information after her little bout of playing storyteller, which was beginning to irritate the younger alicorn immensely.

“Flying in this area would be extremely ill advised,” Celestia replies, using her magic to cut away a tangle of thorns and vines from their path. “This is completely wild territory, Luna, and if we wish to keep our presence as secret as possible then we walk for the time being.” This causes Luna’s frown to deepen.

“What out here could be a threat to two ponies in the air?” The younger sister asks, curious to hear the answer. How much had the world changed in her absence? A thousand years is a long time, after all.

“The mesh spiders have made a resurgence during your… absence,” Celestia replies darkly, causing Luna’s eyes to widen in shock.

“The mesh spiders?!” She couldn’t believe it. “My Night Guard had reduced them to a mere hoofful of colonies, leaving their numbers drastically reduced! How, in the name of Faust, did they manage to come back from that, Celestia?” Her heated question causes her sister to pause, having been about to clear more of the thick undergrowth from their path, shoulders slumping and a weary sigh escaping her lips.

“Because with their nests in Equestria destroyed they weren’t an immediate concern,” the elder sibling replies solemnly. “I had a country to run, alone for the first time, and I let matters outside our borders fall to the wayside as a result.” She half turns to face Luna, looking unfathomably tired. “Anything I say will sound like an excuse, I’m sure, but I at least want to try to explain myself.”

Luna frowns, weighing Celestia’s words, finally deciding to give her the chance to say whatever it is she wishes to say. “Very well, sister. I am listening.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The afternoon wore on into evening, the sun making its gradual descent towards the horizon, until finally it suddenly dipped out of sight, only to be replaced by moonlight. I can honestly say that I’m really starting to hate the night. That cold, silver light that shines over the world… needless to say it brings nothing but bad memories to mind whenever I see it. It’s beautiful, yes, but terrible nonetheless. I gaze upon Canterlot, some lights going out, others turning on, all while the moon cast its glow upon the city in its entirety. Eventually I have to look away, banishing all thoughts of the past from my mind, for now at least, and moving to stand in front of my full length mirror. What I see isn’t very flattering, to be honest.

Dark circles under my eyes, mane in desperate need of a trim, coat needing a good brushing and… yeah, I’m a mess. I’d already had to beat away several hoofmaidens, or whatever they call them here, with a stick and almost shove them out of my room to keep them from assaulting me with mane and coat care products for my next night in court. The scheduled “magic” show aside, running court blows chunks. Big ones. So, as one might imagine, I’m not looking forward to doing this until whenever Celestia and Luna decide to come back. If they come back. What in God’s name are they even doing, anyway?

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“You know, sister, your words seem to be ringing quite hollow at the moment,” Luna points out dryly from where she hung in a mesh spider’s web, right alongside her sister, the pair having been set upon by half a dozen of the eight legged monstrosities while they had been too busy talking to notice.

“So I gathered,” Celestia replies with an equally dry tone, glancing around to see if they were alone, only to find that they were being watched by at least three different sets of eyes. “They’re still watching us, of course.”

“I am aware of that,” Luna mutters grumpily, feeling quite fed up with the situation as a whole by this point. “Must we continue with this ludicrous charade? We could easily dispatch these monsters and be done with it!”

“We need only wait until they lower their guard,” Celestia tries to assure her. “We are supposed to be a pair of normal unicorns, remember?”

“I am not an idiot, Celestia,” Luna replied with a scowl on her face. “Once this farce of yours is over, I am gathering the Night Guard and burning this entire nest to the ground.”

“Just, please, be patient a bit longer,” Celestia urged her, frowning as one of the spiders moved above them. “Once we’re out of this forest we can fly to our destination, no more delays, I promise.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Miss Lulamoon’s show ended with a fanfare of fireworks that only seemed to enhance the audience's awe, reflected by a show of praise through the clatter of hooves on the hard marble of the throne room floor.

I’m glad for her, since she really seemed like she was having the time of her life on stage. ‘Joy, huh? So that’s what that looks like.’ I think sardonically as I show my own sense of praise in a sedate form of applause, which some may confuse for royal restraint. I doubt many here would believe that, though. Throughout the show I caught glimpses of ponies looking back at me uneasily, clearly not liking the fact that I was lurking behind them. Fortunately Trixie’s show was entrancing enough that it soon pulled all wandering eyes off of me, and honestly I couldn’t be more thankful.

With the show over I decide to make a hasty withdrawal from the throne room without anyone seeing me. I have had enough of crowds for awhile and, with the show taking the place of night court, I doubt any will really care where I am, so I take to wandering the halls.

By now the layout is more familiar. Yeah, it’s the same decadent hallway after hallway, but when you have nowhere to be one can appreciate the simple act of aimless movement.

Coming to a door I open it to reveal a familiar balcony. It has only been a few months since I stood out on this very spot looking down at the myriad number of faces, being introduced as their new ‘prince’, my sisters hugging me close, feigning the love of a lost sibling.

The yard is all but empty now, of course. A few patrols saunter through but nothing more. The night has descended upon the land, brought about by Luna, wherever the hell she is.

The mountain breeze bites at my nostrils as I take in the view. The whole of Canterlot lays below, only a few tiers of the bordering buildings obstructing my view of the horizon. Below in the valley I can see the Everfree, forming a carpet of green all the way west. The tips of some of the taller buildings in Ponyville poke through the undergrowth, as well as the old castle. The hush of the scene bathed in twilight as the night settles in.

I do my best not to focus on two ill chosen words of reflection of that scene.

“You disappeared pretty fast.” Weeks of deprogramming hold fast as my reaction is relegated to the shifting of one wing before turning to find Cadance gently closing the door behind her. “You were the one who booked Ms. Lulamoon’s show, so I’m surprised you didn’t stick around to congratulate her.”

“Catch and release, Candy,” I reply, turning back to the horizon once more. “She’s got the momentum she needs to take her career wherever she wants to. Let’s just hope she refrains from running her mouth off to derail it again.”

She responds with a simple affirmation before allowing the silence to reclaim the balcony, for a time at least.

“It’s cool out tonight,” she eventually remarks, shuffling her wings to accommodate the open air.

“Sweltering by comparison.” I respond coolly, my eyes fixed forward.

“To what?” I motion to the orb hanging in the sky. “Oh.”

“Do you need something, Cadance?” I ask, not sure why she’d be checking up on me like this so late.

If I come off as gruff it doesn’t appear to phase her, although it seems most alicorns are immune to my “charms”. “Let’s do something tonight. You and me. Court is over, a city full of excitement is below us… what do you say?” The question causes me to stare at her like she just sprouted a second head.

“I say, ‘your rolodex needs a few new entries, ‘cause I’m the last one you’d wanna go clubbing with’.”

“Yeah, you might actually wind up ‘clubbing’ somepony.” She responds with a bit of smarm which is met with silence from me. “That was a joke.”

“Only if it wasn’t true. If anything it’s just… ironic.”

She opens her mouth to respond, only to sigh in defeat. “Fair enough.”

The moonlight fades on the balcony enough to cut through the silence. Drawing my eyes in its direction I look up, and can’t really believe what I see.

A massive expanse of clouds is slowly drifting it’s way round the castle, only this cloud bank is far more than that. Intermingled throughout the construct is the appearance of trees, houses, arches and columns from that of Roman times, formed into the very surface.

“Cloudsdale has arrived.” Cadance places her hooves on the railing and takes in the cloud city Lando wishes he had.

I had heard numerous times about the floating city of the pegasi, but, upon seeing it, it’s clear my imagination could not do justice to the spectacle that is the real thing.

There are waterfalls, actual streams of falling water, cascading throughout the superstructure. And not just water, but actual rainbows in certain cases. What purpose they serve I can’t even begin to guess at, but they certainly make for an impressive display.

Lights burn within the homes made of clouds, carved so cleanly one would swear they were hewn from the finest marble instead. This is further emphasized by the greco-roman style of many of the buildings, tall pillars and archways visible even from this distance.

Even at this hour I can make out several forms darting to and fro in the moonlit air. Pegasi, flying through the night sky on thermal updrafts generated by the city itself. My human mind can’t help but gaze in wonder at the sheer spectacle of it. This, what has to be the epitome of magic, is floating before me. There are no words.

Cadance said something, but her words were drowned out by my sense of wonder, forcing me to turn to face her. “What?”

“I said, ‘come fly with me’,” she repeats herself, opening her wings for emphasis.

My own wings had unfurled at some point, but I quickly snap them back to my sides.

“Candy, I don’t—“. My effort to decline is outright severed as the completely mental pink mare just about tackles me. What’s more, she then straight up tips us right over the edge of the railing and out into the air.

I can hear gleeful laughter in my ears as the balcony rail slips away and the wind begins rushing past. Instinct kicked in as my wings flared open along with hers as we continue to plummet, her grip on me holding firm as we twisted through the air.

After a dizzying couple of seconds she pushes off of me with her back hooves and springs herself into the air above. Righting myself, I bring myself into a tight dive, bleeding off the g-forces from a vertical angle to a horizontal coast. She could've cut the tumble off sooner as the shops and homes below are clear enough for me to distinguish individual shingles. Below me, those ponies enjoying the night air gaze up at my sudden entrance, staring as I soar overhead. Swooping through the square, my hooves find purchase on a two story complex. Pooling my earth pony strength into them, I use the rooftop to catapult myself up. The effect is immediate, the sound of rushing wind in my ears as I rise up like a cannon shot, my sights set on something pink.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

With a well practiced flick, the black ichor was expertly removed from Midnight. The blade had been Luna’s companion through countless dangers and she cared for it as she did her own wings. Anything less would be sacrilege in the eyes of her old master.

Celestia likewise cleansed her halberd, the weapon glowing white hot for a moment, boiling the disgusting fluid until it turned to ash, before it flaked away into the air. A dozen shattered and crumpled spider bodies, the size of juvenile cows, surrounded the sisters, their moment having finally come when something had drawn the attention of their would-be captors away from the royal siblings. What this distraction had been, neither could say, but then again they weren’t about to complain about it, either.

“Now, if we are finally finished with this distraction,” Luna began, tucking Midnight back inside the sub-dimensional pocket where it was normally stored, “I would like to finish this task of yours before some other foolishness befalls us.”

“I don’t suppose another apology would make any difference,” Celestia “asks” in a fashion that makes it sound like she already knows Luna’s answer.

“No, it would not.” Luna’s reply is exactly as the elder sibling had predicted. “What is done is done, sister. The mesh spiders will be dealt with, and if you wish to make amends for allowing them to flourish, then you must simply give me leave to finish what I started over a thousand years ago.” She looks at Celestia, expression unreadable as she simply dropped her disguise entirely. “For now, let us depart. I believe you said we can make it to this volcano of yours within a day?”

“Yes, I did,” Celestia confirms for her, her halberd, Dawnbreaker, being stored in a similar pocket to Midnight’s as the Solar Diarch dismissed her own disguise as well. She supposed there was no point, given the circumstances. She looked at Luna, trying to get a sense of what her sister was thinking, but the Lunar Diarch was like a blank wall, giving away nothing of what hid behind it. Was she angry, or, heavens forbid, disappointed? There was no way to know without methods they had both outlawed at the dawn of their shared reign. “Follow me, then.” And so they set off once more, Celestia dreading their return even more than what they might find at their destination.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It should of come to no surprise to me that Cadance, for all her prim and propriety, was an amazing flyer. She darted through the sky with the grace of a ballerina and the speed of an eagle.

Upon finally reaching her she simply smirked at me and banked hard downward in a corkscrew, zipping through clouds, an insufferable giggle following in her wake.

She was set, it seems, on ‘frolicking’ with me. So be it. I’ll ‘frolic’ her brains out. Not wasting a second to think how bizarre that may sound I charge up my horn.

With a flash and twist of my stomach, my world turns and is pulled away and reoriented. I am now set directly in front of her.

Cadance is startled for a moment only to speed up. I brace for impact only to once again be twisted mid air as she dives last second, grabbing my tail and spinning me around, launching herself away.

Reeling, I right myself and find she is now climbing higher up, toward the floating city.

“Ah ah ah!” She chides me. “No magic, Uncle Artemis!”

Little pink minx is toying with me now. With a determined flap I am once more shooting up through the sky.

The wake of the massive cloud metropolis filling my wings as I climb higher, moving around the base of the city in my pursuit of Cadance.

The structures become more apparent as I glide past. There are streets. Fluffy, cottony streets that form arteries to the different homes and buildings within. I also catch glimpses of ponies, going about their evenings in the moonlight. Many have stopped and seem to be watching us.

The moon hangs just above the city and Cadance has resumed a gentle glide in the peak draft above. Joining her she makes no effort to run now, rather allowing the two of us to now ride in the air current. The strong jet flows through both our wings, natural flight instinct taking over as we fall in formation with one another.

Reaching a cloud spire we bank to the right together. Following the current through the city the moon lighting up the ramparts and homes below.

I’d be a filthy liar if I said I hated this. The wind rushing over my body, tingling every hair and feather, every muscle working in tandem keeping me from plummeting to the ground below.

“Hey!” Cadance says to my side catching my attention. “Looks like we have some admirers.”

Confused, I look back to find that we are indeed not alone. A flock of pegasi have taken to the air and were now following us. Mares, stallions, some with silver in their manes and tails, one that looks like her wings could barely keep her up but a determined look in her eyes. Whether it was curiosity or herding that brought them out here was unclear, but the sight brought something out in me. A feeling I couldn’t place.

“Give them something to chase!” Cadance said before banking off herself, a stream of ponies following after her.

Looking back once more I could see that those remaining were keeping their distance, unsure of what to make of me. There was that feeling again. Like a coiled spring ready, eager, to burst out.

Flying was a matter of not fighting the wind but using it; this felt no different. With a smirk I spin midair and spiral down, pulling my wings in so I pick up speed, before slowly opening them to maintain altitude.

My flock follows, mirroring my move, some better than others, but expertly reforming on my flanks. Veering forward I find myself in a field of clouded that stand like pillars in the moonlight. No better obstacle course could be found for some tight turns. Opening my wings wide I proceed to dodge and weave through the puffy masses, raising my wings higher and higher with each change in direction, turning gravity into forward speed as the clouds begin to blur.

Still they follow, some choosing to fly over more slowly but many of them choosing the path I set.

Part of me worries that should one fall that would be the end of a seemingly fun moment. But no such disaster happens, on the contrary, if their expressions says anything they want more.

Diving low, way low, past the clouds, the shine of the river below calls to me. My wings shoot out a mere foot from the water's surface, the wind I pulled with me hitting the water with a satisfying crash as I shoot forward, leaving a crisp contrail in my wake as I continue on, skimming the surface with my hooves.

From behind I can hear enthusiastic shouts and laughter. Turning, I can see the pegasi are shooting through the jets of water I made then twisting their bodies mid air sending water sparkling droplets cascading into the moonlight.

‘Okay, that’s cool.’

The first wave has recovered and is now barreling toward me once again.

"Alright kiddies." I smile wolfishly to myself. “Let’s test your mettle.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

While Artemis and Cadance were having their little adventure with the pegasi of Cloudsdale, a certain sextet of mares were taking the time to unwind after a long day of training. Specifically they had decided to take part in a sleepover inside the bunkhouse they shared, and, generally speaking, good times were being shared by all parties involved. As one might expect, however, shenanigans were ahoof with the girls playing a game of Truth or Dare.

“Alright, girls, settle down,” Rarity tuts, mane done up in rollers, as she looks around. “Rainbow? I do believe it is your turn to ask, darling.”

“Finally,” the speedster stammers out, teeth chattering as she huddled under a thermal blanket. Diving headfirst into Evergreen Lake in the middle of fall is no picnic, but a dare is a dare and she had proved, if nothing else, to be quite daring indeed. “I ask…” She swept her gaze over her friends, deciding on who to pick. Fluttershy is attempting to hide behind her mane, Pinkie is practically bouncing in place from excitement, while Rarity quietly files her hooves and Applejack seems to be almost daring her to choose the stetson wearing apple bucker. Twilight… a grin spread across the pegasus's face. “Okay, I choose you, Twi!”

Twilight, meanwhile, feels a twinge of nerves going through her system. She’d known her time would come eventually, but now she feels like she wishes she’d had more time to study despite this not being a test.

“Truth or Dare, sugarcube?” Applejack provides a bit of support with a nod, and the unicorn takes a moment to steady herself. So, with a calming breath, she mulled over her options. Dare was a viable choice, but between a case of hypothermia, a sprained ankle, and a stomach ache, tonight’s dares had so far proved to be perilous. Truth, though… well, that wouldn’t be so bad, right? These are the mares she’d gone into danger with, who she had bared her heart to and who had supported her on multiple occasions. So, with all that in mind, what was the harm in choosing Truth?

“Truth,” Twilight said aloud, which immediately causes Rainbow’s grin to widen, the pegasus having hoped she’d choose that option. There was a question she’d been itching to ask ever since the nerdy mare had returned from Canterlot.

“Do you think Prince Artemis is hot?” There was an echo of silence, one that seemed to quiet all of them. Immediately Twilight felt her cheeks burn, but she couldn’t understand why. Sure, Artemis was fascinating, but that was because he held knowledge of a whole other world, an alien place full of untold wonder… but that doesn’t mean he’s hot, right? Of course Rainbow Dash would ask the tricky questions.

Thinking about it, though, Artemis is an alicorn, considered widely to be the epitome of beauty and perfection since the First Ascension. Poems and songs alike had been written extolling Celestia’s grace and poise alone. Meanwhile there were many stallions, and mares who trotted that way, who would often speak about her various… attributes that appealed to them, many of which overlapped between the three tribes. Now, however, there was a stallion who could embody them, but the question remained; how did she feel about that?

“Twi?”

Well, he was tall, with a full wingspan, shorn fetlocks, and had a horn that was… well endowed. His eyes, though… his eyes just seemed to burn straight through her every time he looked at her, a sensation that made her tummy flutter just thinking of it. It was that same sort of intensity that he’d possessed even while corrupted. Only now there was a certain tenderness, as well as an unmistakable sadness, that she could feel whenever he spoke in that deep voice of his.

“Twilight?”

Those eyes had even checked her out, she was certain of it! She’d nearly missed it, and he’d been quick to look away, but that day she’d spent alone with him during her experiment he had definitely been checking out her flanks.

“Prince Artemis was checking you out?!” Rarity’s voice snapped Twilight out of her reverie, the marshmallow white mare practically gushing at this particularly juicy bit of news.

“What?! No!” Twilight immediately denies it, voice cracking with a squeal in her embarrassment, cheeks turning beat red as a result. “That didn’t…”

“You were talking out loud, sug,” Applejack points out with an embarrassed shrug for her friend.

“I guess I threw you for a loop with that one,” Rainbow remarks, sounding apologetic. “You were quiet for a minute, but then you started mumbling, which turned into talking.”

“I… I did?” Twilight’s eye twitches a bit. “When… when did I start… being comprehensible?” Much to her relief, and the disappointment of her friends, she was saved from further embarrassment by the timely arrival of Shining Armor, sleepy eyed and wearing a nightshirt.

“Alright, ladies, I gave you all a half hour past lights out and we have another round of training scheduled to start at 0500.” His eyes swept over the gathered mares briefly, wondering what they’d been up to. Given the look on his sister’s face, however, he wasn’t certain he really wanted the answer. “Let’s get ready for bed.” Then Pinkie Pie just seems to appear next to him, with only his training keeping him from jumping nearly a foot off the floor at this point.

“O Captain, My Captain?” The pink mare’s voice was as full of energy as ever, despite the training he’d been putting them through. If he could somehow synthesize whatever magic or chemistry that kept her so full of vigor, he’d be able to retire a rich stallion.

“Yes, Miss Pie?” He asks her, just a tad leery given her propensity for surprising him.

“Sorry about this, but a dare is a dare,” she replies, not sounding sorry at all, by the way. She then leans in and quickly pecks him on the lips before bouncing away like her hooves are made of rubber instead of keratin. Shining Armor’s eye, meanwhile, twitches in a familiar way before he clears his throat.

“Well… good night, Twilie, ladies.” The light goes out, with the sound of him leaving followed by silence… for a moment.

“Pinkie?” Twilight whispers in the dark. “Nopony dared you to do that.”

“You have your studmuffin, so let me have mine,” the incorrigible mare in question answers, followed by a round of barely contained giggles. As they’re about to go to sleep, however, a peal of thunder is heard in the distance, a certain cyan pegasus springing up to look out a window.

“There isn’t any thunderstorm scheduled for tonight,” she declares, sounding irritated as she attempts to spot the source. It takes her a moment, but when she does her eyes widen. “Celestia’s teats!”

“Rainbow!” Twilight immediately chastises her friend, getting up to join her with a disapproving frown on her face. “You shouldn’t use such—”

“Oh, write me up for it later,” Rainbow cuts her off dismissively, pointing out towards Canterlot. “Look!” Shooting the rainbow maned mare a sour look for the way she’d been interrupted, Twilight does so… and stares in shock.

“Sweet Celestia,” she murmurs, having not expected to see what she’s currently looking at.

“Right?!” Rainbow, unsurprisingly, sounds excited, practically prancing in place. “I dunno what’s going on up there, but wow, I can just about feel the charge of that from all the way out here!”

“What in tarnation has got you two acting like a couple of—holy sweet mother of molasses!” Applejack, having gotten up to see what all the fuss was about, is now staring along with the other two mares, stunned by the sight that had caught their attention. “Should we be, I dunno, worried bout that?”

“I don’t think so?” Rainbow doesn’t sound entirely certain, but she really couldn’t be given the circumstances. “I mean, it doesn’t look like it’s spreading much, and Cloudsdale is right there, so I’m pretty sure we’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“For goodness sake, can’t a lady get her beauty rest?” Rarity sounds mildly annoyed, though given the early morning that was in store for them one shouldn’t be surprised. “Now, what in the world is… is…” She trails off, blinking rapidly for a moment as if to try and ensure that she was really seeing this. “Oh. Well, I suppose I understand the fascination in this case.”

“Ooooo, pretty!” Trust Pinkie Pie to sum it up as simply as possible. “Shy, c’mere, you need to see this!”

“N-no, I’m okay here,” Fluttershy says from under the covers of her bed. “You can just, um, tell me about it later.” Like Rainbow she could practically feel what was happening out there, and it was kind of scary. Fluttershy doesn’t do scary, not unless the fate of the world is at stake, or her friends need her help. What has their attention? A cloud bank was forming around Cloudsdale and in the skies of Canterlot, dark and flashing with lightning, though there were no strikes that any of them could make out. It seems to be focused around a single point that was circling upwards, and not one of them had any idea what was happening to cause it.

“I just hope you’re right, Dash,” Twilight says at last, nervous as she felt… something inside herself that she couldn’t properly describe. She really didn’t like being unable to understand something, as a certain pink bundle of energy could attest, and this was definitely in that category. “I really don’t—gah!” A light shone on them, the source being a rather grumpy Captain Armor.

“Didn’t I tell you girls to go to sleep?” He turns off the light from his horn, frowning at them severely. “I get it, honestly, but the weather patrols can handle things if they get out of hoof. Now go to bed before I decide that you all have too much energy and really put you to work come morning!”

“Yes, sir,” they chorus, causing him to snort and roll his eyes. Mares.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

My heart was thundering in my ears and still I pushed further, faster! The Cloudsdale pegasi had closed the gap between us once again, trying to overtake me, no fear or social decorum holding them back. Especially this lithe little blonde number currently stuck to me like white on rice.

She reminds me of Rainbow Dash but a bit more butch, and with a bigger mouth on her, if that were possible. I had shut her down twice now, and each time seemed to do nothing but strengthen her resolve, pushing her to pass me.

‘Not bloody likely, missy.’ I can’t help the smirk that forms on my face as I push myself to stay ahead of her, a competitive streak I never knew I had blossoming inside of me as we race ahead of the thunderclouds trailing in my wake. My mind starts to race, to try and figure out what was happening to cause this, but I force it away. I don’t want to think about this. I just want to experience it! Whatever it is, of course. Questions can be asked later, but for now my persistent opponent is starting to catch up, again.

“Not getting tired, are you?” She asks me tauntingly, but I can’t help smirking at her. Tired? No pony on this planet knows the meaning of the word as far as I’m concerned. Go a week straight cutting the same tiny runes into lunar rock, centimeter by centimeter, with no rest or breaks, and then you can talk to me about being tired.

“You wish, macho-mare,” I shoot right back at her, causing her to glare at me, to which I laugh. I decide to start leveling out, figuring the ponies trailing in my wake could use a break, when I begin to feel something I can’t quite put my hoof on. It’s familiar, but where have I felt this before?

The mare uses my moment of distraction to charge forward and try and seize the lead.

“Crap.”

I am able to match her speed as we go side to side. She isn’t giving up and, despite my bravado, I don’t feel I can go any faster without fizzling out. Using unicorn magic was out of the question. If she was anything like Dash she would bellyache about me cheating, and it’s not like she didn’t have witnesses.

Nope, had to be a fair fight, but let’s make it interesting.

“How high can you go, chicken wings?”

“Higher than you, your royal Albatrossness.” Snippy little bird horse, but lately ponies are either scared of me or trying to kiss up to me, so this was at least a different tune.

A flash of pink jars us both. “You both talk too much.” Cadance is now leading the herd, curving upwards.

Buzz cut and I spare a short glance before once again booking it after Cadance.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The streets of Canterlot are abuzz with what’s happening above. Balconies of houses are filled with onlookers. Despite the autumn chill that was creeping in each day, restaurants opened their outside seating so they could take advantage of the spectacle and provide front row seats with drinks and a late night snack.

Nymphadora the unicorn was no exception. Her eyes pointed upward as she casually sipped at her glass of red wine, savoring the taste as it rolled past her tongue, warming her as it spread throughout her body.

She had hoped to conveniently “run into” the Alicorn Prince after the show, but the appearance of the faux love pony had made that impossible. Simpering little bitch didn’t know the potential she wielded and instead used it as a farcical pretense for ponies to bone one another.

Such a waste.

This is no different. Another flash spread through the sky followed by a crash that made her hooves tingle.

Such power.

She had felt his presence before when he embraced the Destroyer. Animalistic, wretched with hatred, but gleeful in its desire to annihilate.

Weeks of watching had only left glimpses of this power, so much so that she feared he had been all but castrated of his wondrous potential.

But now, he lit up the very night. Further work was needed. The seed was planted in his mind and she would see it take hold. It would take time, and more contact between the two of them to help it along, but she was certain she could make it work.

Raising her glass to the heavens in a toast she smiled, her fangs visible as the sky lit up once more and the heavens themselves trembled with untapped power.

“You will be mine, dear Prince.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Cadance glanced over one shoulder, laughing gaily as she saw that the pegasi hadn’t given up their pursuit, and her uncle… she’d never seen him like this. It wasn’t quite happiness, not yet at least, but there was this certain air about him as he raced neck and neck with the blonde, sporty mare with a competitive streak as wide as her favorite aunt’s flanks that was close to it. Like he was… free, perhaps for the first time in many years. Celestia still hadn’t shared all the details behind what had happened on the day of the eclipse, or the dizzyingly long span of time before that, but it must have been awful.

Still, she could see glimpses of the pony he could eventually become, and right now she is seeing that pony again. Wild, passionate, with a good heart and a will as hard as iron. This is the pony she hopes to bring out through her work with him, and while there had been a few… hiccups along the way to where they are today, she is still confident that she can help him recover from his past trauma. First, however, she has a race to enjoy, and she fully intends to do just that!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“Damn that mare,” I groan as Cadance somehow puts on a fresh burst of speed. How is she so good at this? It’s like she was born to fly or something. Still, I persevere, not intending to lose so easily as that. What is the finish line for this, anyway? I stare ever upwards, and an idea comes to me. I know the perfect way to finish this flight.

“Try and keep up, macho-mare!” I taunt the blonde spitfire that had been on my tail for some time now, having managed to pull ahead of her again, though only just barely. She’s good, no doubt about that, but damn reckless, too. She’d made a few attempts to take the lead that had nearly caused us both to spin out. Thankfully I was paying attention, not to mention that I’m sturdier than her, otherwise we might have made quite the spectacle of ourselves several times over.

“Stop calling me that!” I think I hear from behind me, a smirk curling my lips as a result. Yeah, she’s also kind of predictable. It only takes a little prodding and she’s back to pushing the limit. I can admire that in anypony, really. Too bad she seems a little too… driven to succeed. Yeah, that sounds about right. So driven, in fact, that she doesn’t seem to be able to focus on anything other than the need to win every challenge life throws her way.

“Then maybe you shouldn’t act like one,” I tease her some more, tuning out her cursing as I focus myself on the goal now. Not Cadance, no, though I’m starting to close the gap on that one. I look at the stars, appearing to be so close but so far from this place, and just fly. I hardly notice as the clouds thin out, as the ponies behind me drop off their pursuit. I barely even hear Cadance as I pass her, calling for me to stop, and then sound just stops having a means of reaching my ears.

The familiar biting chill is what hits me first, the last puff of my breath escaping as white mist, my coat gaining a layer of ice as my sweat freezes solid, but the cold can’t drive me back now. I’m floating on the edge of space, staring at the stars with the curve of Equis visible below me, and simply take a moment to experience the wonder of it all. Sadly, however, such things never seem to last, and a familiar shape fills my vision once again.

The moon; cold, stark white and utterly pitiless. It is my old prison and now it’s right before my eyes, bringing back many unwanted memories. The cold, the thirst, the helplessness, and most of all the hate that sustained me through it all. I feel something bubbling up from inside me, something I can’t describe, and my contempt for the damnable heavenly body latches onto this sensation like a lifeline. I can’t hear it, but I see it from the corner of my eye. Energy is gathering around me, beneath me, all from that wonderful world below, and I know it’s mine to guide and shape as I see fit.

It gathers around my horn, my glare fixed on the wretched place I’d been trapped on for so long, and the biggest lightning blast in the history lightning blasts erupts from it to lance out at the pale orb of rock, blasting a fresh, blackened crater into its surface.

I take a moment to appreciate my handiwork before closing my eyes, tucking in my wings, and letting myself drift back towards Equis, gravity doing most of the work as the cold is replaced with the heat of reentry. I don’t care, though.

“This was the best night ever.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

How long had they been flying now? The tedium of the journey made it difficult for Luna to keep track, if she were to be honest. It doesn’t matter, not really, as they’d get there soon enough. At least, so long as Celestia had been completely honest with her. It’s hard to say, however, as the pair had not spoken much since the Lunar Diarch’s return. Conflicting schedules made that difficult, sadly, even in the modern day where so much had changed. Save for this.

Shaking such thoughts from her mind for the time being, Luna instead tries to focus on something else. The landscape? Lots of shrub land and wild grasses, so no luck there. Nothing interesting overhead, save perhaps for her night sky, of course. She can’t help smiling as she gazes upon her moon and the stars that surround it. She always did love bringing down the veil, guiding ponies into a time of rest and—

“Luna!” She barely hears Celestia’s shocked, fearful shout as she finds herself simply tumbling right out of the air, clutching at her barrel and grimacing in pain. It felt like she’d just been kicked in a place that no hoof should be able to reach, and several long seconds pass before she is able to right herself.

“Mother Faust preserve us,” she hisses, rubbing the area where the pain had originated from, her sister at her side within moments. Yet while her sibling checks her for injury, Luna’s gaze turns upward and focuses on her moon, eyes widening as she sees a fresh, blackened crater marring its surface. Someone had defaced her moon! The brazen impudence of it leaves her completely dumbfounded, and yet she recognizes the energy that lingers on its now damaged edifice.

“What in Tartarus were you thinking, brother?”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

He’s been up there a while. Way past the flight ceiling. ‘Buckin’ cheater.’ The mare known as Lightning Dust huffed. She had made a rep for herself as the most daring flyer in Equestria and here comes this hoity toity stallion running his mouth and showing her up. So what if he’s a prince and an Alicorn? Doesn’t mean he’s better. If anything, him being one meant he definitely couldn’t be. Yeah, that horn? Not very streamlined. Those wings? So over-sized. Not to mention the fact his size and weight should also be slowing him down.

“Buckin’ magic,” Lightning grumbles under her breath, glaring up at the stars and wondering just how long he was going to sit up there. Alicorns still have to breathe, right?

Cadence paced back and forth on her cloud, trying to hide the worry on her face. She had tried to stop Artemis from flying so high, in fact being able to go that high should be impossible, but up he went. The pegasi around her seemed rather unsure of what to think as well.

She gave a group of them a nervous smile, even while her back leg trembled. Auntie Celestia put her in charge of him and what does she do? ‘Let’s go for a flight… off the planet!’ What shall we do next, gallop with scissors? Hold up a metal rod in the middle of a lightning storm? Faust, why did she think this was a good idea? She really hopes she didn’t just help her new uncle kill himself. What happens next, however, is something nopony could have predicted.

The sound of startled, even frightened, ponies calling out brings Cadance’s attention back to Equis, her eyes widening as she watches pure energy crackling to life around every cloud in the vicinity, including the one she is currently standing on. She can feel it, every hair on her body seeming to stand on end as the prickling rush of energy seems to pass right through her, leaving her a little breathless. The pegasi around her were having similar reactions as the energy was drawn upwards in a spiral, centering on a spot above them all. The spot, she would wager, where Artemis currently is.

When the energy coalesces the light it shines is nearly blinding in its intensity, even Cadance having to shield herself from it. Then, within the blink of an eye, that light… she can’t see it clearly, but she hears it with no problems at all. Like an explosion going off right next to her head, and then all she can hear is the piercing whine that meant her eardrums had almost been blown out. What in the name of her favorite aunt had that been just now?!

Lightning Dust grit her teeth and flinched, hooves on her ears as she watches the mother of all lightning bolts blast the crap out of the moon, like the orb had somehow pissed it off or something.

“What the buck was that?!” The extremely competitive mare can hardly hear herself that blast had been so damn loud. Well, the moon has a new crater, and—holy shit, lightning! She dives to the side as another bolt of lightning, much smaller than the first, rockets down through the atmosphere and hit the clouds only a meter away from where she’d just been standing. Instead of tearing the cloud apart, however, it just… stops. Blinking at the odd sight, Lightning Dust is more than a little confused.

Cadance, having regained her ability to see properly, and most of her hearing, is also puzzled, to say the least. The lightning had just… stopped. It’s now hovering there, crackling angrily, and starts to take on a familiar shape. Legs, head, wings, and then the energy bursts apart, revealing the pony she’d been worried about this whole time. Artemis, his eyes shining with the same brilliant light he had rode down upon, stood there, the hair of his mane and tail flowing in the moonlight, their grey locks seeming to be combined with wisps of clouds.

The alicorn suddenly spreads his wings and lets out a primal, powerful bray, a sound you would never expect to hear in the modern day, as thunder crashes and lightning flashes from the gathered clouds despite them being white bundles of harmless fluff just moments before. This awe inspiring sight is soon interrupted, however, as the light goes out of Artemis’s eyes and the stallion clutches at his chest, heaving with great, wracking coughs to the point tears gather at the corners of his eyes.

“C-cold up there,” he wheezes, spitting… something out to the side. “So… I win?”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Jesus Christ, my lungs hurt like hell. Why did I think it was a good idea to dip my proverbial toe into space, exactly? I think I just spat up dead lung tissue… ugh. So gross.

“Artemis! What was…” Cadance exclaimed before trailing off, her eyes moving to my… flanks?

Feeling self-conscious, my wings move to cover my tuckus. Creepy, Candy, I’m not that kind of uncle.

Imagine my surprise, then, when she dashes over and attempts to force my wing up.

“Cadance!” I start fighting her sudden interest in my ass. “The hell? Bad touch! BAD TOUCH!”

“Oh stop it!” She grouses, before her eyes light up, but mercifully steps away with her hooves raised to her mouth, a massive smile plastered on her face. “Oh my goodness!” What is with that look? Why is she so excited about my butt? I have so many questions! “You… you got your Cutie Mark!”

“...say what?” She can not have just said what I think she did. My eardrums must be damaged from the cold or something. “I’m sorry, did you just say I got one of those… mystical butt tattoos?”

“Oh, for goodness sake,” Cadance groans, grabbing my head with her magic and forcibly turning it to the side. To prevent neck injury, and to get this over with, I don’t fight it. “Look for yourself.” So I do.

“...yup, I’m done here,” I say in an awkward, stilted voice, then try to leave. There’s just one small problem. We now have a crowd of pegasi around us, all prostrating themselves like they are standing before the pony Dalai Lama and not some deadbeat hack struggling to make his way through their crazy, colorful world. “Candy?”

“It’s okay, Uncle,” Cadance assures me, gently rubbing shoulders with me and spreading a wing across my back, likely trying to be supportive. Honestly it makes me more uncomfortable, but I appreciate the effort. “You’ve discovered who you’re meant to be. You are a prince of Equestria, and these are your ponies.” She nodded to the pegasi for emphasis. “This is a good thing, I promise.”

“No, it’s not,” I argue quietly, ears folding back as I stare over the gathered pegasi, feeling a sense of dread building inside of me. “I’m not… they can’t trust me to—”

“I understand and it’s okay to be worried,” Cadance tries to soothe my nerves with her best “calm down the wild animal” voice. It’s not helping. “Do you think I was ready for this when I became a princess?”

“But you grew up here, you… you’re not some…” I stop myself from saying what I really want to say, instead shaking my head. “Whatever. How do I get them to stop?”

“Please, everypony, rise,” Cadance calls to them, the pegasi rising within moments of hearing her words. “My uncle and I thank you for joining us on this wonderful evening, but everypony really should be returning to their homes. It is quite late, and even we need to sleep.” She gives me a little nudge, trying to get me to add something, I guess.

“Uh… yeah, thank you for… for enjoying the night with us and… and sorry about the… the light show,” I say to them hesitantly, feeling like a lump is in my throat.

“Are you kidding?!” It’s the loud blonde one with the minty coat and serious case of attitude. “That was bucking awesome!” Yeah, definitely reminds me of Rainbow Dash.

“YEAH!” Some hugely muscular dude of a pegasus with tiny wings adds his two cents from somewhere towards the back, looking like he’ll pop if he flexes too hard. Jesus, his workout routine must be insane. A chorus of agreement follows, as well as the stomping of hooves that seems to double as applause, which causes the clouds to rumble a bit as a result.

“Okay, uh, settle down,” I urge them after a moment. “Again, thank you, but it’s late and you should all probably get some rest.” There was signs of reluctance, even a little disappointment, but they all eventually dispersed. Sort of. The blonde spitfire flies over and punches my shoulder, a frown forming on my face as I give her a questioning look.

“You ever wanna have a proper race sometime, look up Lightning Dust in Cloudsdale,” she says to me, a cocky grin on her face. “For an over-sized albatross, you’re not half bad.” She then flies off, and I’m more than a little confused.

“Wow.” I look over to see Cadance giving me an appraising look. “You work fast.”

“What?” It takes a moment for what she means to sink in, then my cheeks are on fire and I’m shooting her the nastiest glare I can muster. “That’s not funny, Candy.”

“Yes it is,” she disagrees with me, closing one eye and sticking her tongue out at me playfully. Smug little brat. “Now come on, it’s chilly out here and you should probably get some sleep after that little stunt of yours.” She then spreads her wings and takes off, leaving me to look back over my shoulder at my flanks with that same sense of dread settling in the pit of my stomach.

“I guess it’s official,” I mutter, eyeing the mark on both sides of my ass for a moment before spreading my wings as well. “I really am a pony.”

I just wish that thought didn’t make me feel so helpless.

Chapter 11: Aggressive Negotiations

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Prologue: I Hate My Life

Author's Note

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the next installment of Artemis' journey, his second chance at a life and, hopefully, happiness. I hope you'll enjoy the ride and, as always, let me know what you think in the comments below. I hope you all have a nice day and I also wish you all the best during the holidays and the new year to come :twilightsmile:

Prologue: I Hate My Life

If you had asked me a thousand years ago what I would be doing with my life in the future, I'd have told you that I'd still be working the daily grind until I could afford to retire. I'd have also had you committed if you'd even suggested that I'd end up inhabiting the body of a colorful pony prince, and yet, here I am. I've been tortured, sleep deprived, starved, beaten, near incinerated and subjected to God only knows what else in that span of time, but nothing could have prepared me for my greatest challenge yet: learning how to read. I now stare at a children's book, struggling to sound the words out and having to restrain myself as the urge to light the cursed thing on fire burns within my breast. No pun intended.

"Please, Prince Artemis, you need to relax," the tutor, an overly fussy unicorn by the name of Bright Quill, instructs me calmly. I look up from the thrice damned book, doing my best not to glare at the stallion seated across from me. We're in the library, an expansive collections of books, scrolls and dusty tomes, with Cadance, watchful as ever, sitting nearby enjoying a cup of tea. My own beverage, coffee, heavily doctored with cream and sugar, sits only half finished nearby, with a handy pot of still steaming hot goodness within easy reach for a refill. I don't know where the palace staff gets their beans but they deserve a raise for finding something so rich as what I have sampled so far. It's the only thing that's kept me sane while having to endure these humiliating lessons. Why is it so fucking difficult? "Frustration will only make learning more difficult, your highness."

"Thanks for the astute observation," I say, tone incredibly dry, the tutor frowning in obvious displeasure. Should I try to be more polite? Probably. Is it too early in the day for me to muster up the energy for such a colossal undertaking? Definitely. "I just don't understand why this is so fucking difficult." My use of a word that doesn't exist in Equish makes Bright Quill twitch and I have to hide a smirk behind my dark blue mug. My one pleasure in all of this is ruffling his feathers, so to speak. Figures Celestia would pick one of the most stuck up, prissy ponies on her staff to teach me. An extra layer of my so-called "punishment", I'm sure. Still, I don't have any choice but to learn if I want to take back control of my life, such as it is.

"From what the princesses have told me, your highness, you spent a thousand years in near total isolation," Quill begins formally, another thing that bothers me about him. He addresses me like I deserve such respect when it couldn't be any farther from the truth if he tried. "While your modern usage of Equish is surprising, it does not come as one for you to have such difficulty adjusting to its written format." He takes a moment to adjust his glasses, the cherry on his stereotypical teacher sundae. "Why, even your sister, Princess Luna," I stiffen, unable to help it, "is having difficulties with learning to adapt to the modern era. You really should not be so hard on yourself, your highness."

"I'll try to remember that," I mutter, having to stop myself from grinding my teeth. A month since my defeat and still the mere mention of her name sets me on edge. I have to relax, otherwise I'll end up throwing this book across the room or something equally childish. "This...is...Ri...Ringer?" I think that's right and Quill's nod confirms it. "He...is...a...unicorn." Obviously that one was a bit easier thanks to the accompanying picture. "Watch him...play with...a ball." The fact they don't use a phonetic alphabet is what is making this really difficult, if I'm honest with myself. "He...damn it, this is ridiculous!" I slam the book shut, my frustration getting the better of me. "I'm over a thousand years old, so I shouldn't be having so much trouble with a book meant to teach children how to read!"

"Prince Artemis, please-" I hold up a hoof to stop him, taking several deep breaths in an effort to calm myself.

"I need a break," I tell him, a sigh issuing from him as a result. "We've been at this for hours and I can't take any more of it right now."

"Very well, your highness," Quill replies stiffly, clearly put out by my attitude. Fuck him, he's not the one learning things from the ground up. Why can't things be simple? Oh, right, life sucks, that's why. "If you will excuse me." At my nod he gathers his things and leaves, Cadance taking his place once he's truly gone. She studies me intently and I have to keep myself from squirming in my seat while under her scrutiny.

"What?" I ask at last, reminding myself to be civil with her at least.

"It's kind of eerie, that's all," she replies, my frown returning to my face.

"What is?" I ask, somehow dreading the answer.

"If I didn't know any better, I really would believe that the two of you are actually twins." Her reply raises my hackles, my teeth grinding together before I can stop myself. "You both hate waking up in the morning, you both are complete grumps until your first cup of coffee, which you doctor in the exact same way, and you even drive poor Quill just as crazy as Auntie Luna does." She gives me a careless shrugs. "I'm sorry if that bothers you, but-"

"But nothing," I interrupt her, unable to remain civil anymore. "I don't want to hear about what you think makes the two of us similar, Cadenza." She frowns at me but I can't care less at the moment. "She's...Princess Luna and I might look alike, but that's where the similarities end." I finish my cup of coffee and take a moment to pour myself another. "Now, what's our next item on the docket for today?" Best to change the subject before I literally end up biting her head off. It's clear she's not happy with me from the way she's looking at me right now, but she shouldn't have made such a stupid comparison in the first place.

"Well, after a round through the park," great, more garbage picking, "we have your first magic lesson." Okay, what?

"Hold up," I say, holding up a hoof for emphasis. "You have me booked for a lesson in how to use magic?" At her nod I count to ten, as I'm already well versed in the use of my powers. "Why, in God's name, do you have me scheduled for something so bloody redundant?"

"Because, other than levitation, what you know isn't regular magic." My lack of an immediate response to that statement causes her to sigh. "You learned how to fight, to teleport, to do everything everypony else can, only with dark magic." Oh, fucking shit on a shingle. So first it was learning how to read and now it's learning how to use magic all over again. It's official; I hate my life. "Here, let's get you ready for your daily round of community service." Cadance reaches out to me when I'm not really paying attention, hoof about to touch my collar, when I snap my gaze to her and strike it aside out of instinct. "Ow! Artemis, that hurt!" Fuck.

"Shit, Cadance, I..." I trail off, having reacted without even thinking about it. "Are you alright? Let me see." I gently, tentatively, reach out to take her hoof, examining her, for lack of a better term, wrist carefully. "I'm sorry, I just...I'm sorry." I have no excuse, cursing myself silently as I check for a break. "Looks like it's just a bruise. Thank Christ for small miracles."

"Um...can I have my hoof back now?" Cadance asks hesitantly, drawing my gaze from her hoof to her face, the princess looking mildly embarrassed.

"Oh, sorry," I say, letting her go at last. "Look, Cadance, I-"

"No, it's okay," she replies, surprising me as she offers me a small smile. "I shouldn't have tried to touch you when you weren't paying attention." She laughs, the sound coming across as a little forced and awkward as hell. "I sometimes forget what you've been through and, well, I'm sorry too."

"Right." I reach up to touch my collar, pulsing a bit of power through it to activate what Cadance had been attempting moments before. If I had a mirror I would now see a coal gray unicorn with a white mane sitting in my place. It would be a bit hard to explain why one of the crown royals is out picking up garbage on a regular basis, along with mending fences, shingling rooftops and other odd jobs, so Celestia had been thoughtful enough to add a disguise function to my newest accessory when she oh so graciously gifted it to me a week before. "Let's just get this done." I stand and walk for the door, staring fixedly at the floor in front of my hooves as I walk. I can't even be around other ponies without constantly worrying about them bumping into me and triggering a reflex drilled into me by that heartless bitch while we were still on the moon. Yet another thing about this "second chance" that I hate. Thanks a lot, Elements.

0o0o0o0o0o0

"How do these ponies make such a bloody mess?" I grumble to myself as I walk through the park, using a long, pointed stick to stab pieces of trash with extreme prejudice, having to check inside bushes and under benches to make sure that each and every single solitary piece is collected. I glance over at my chaperones, a pair of royal guards that have no idea who I really am. To them I'm just a parolee, someone who committed some minor infraction or caused a public disturbance perhaps. "They should know who they're watching," I mutter under my breath, giving a drink can a particularly vicious jab of my poking stick. "They should all know." But that would go against the whole fucking narrative Celestia has constructed. Can't have that, no, of course not. "Damn Celestia." Another piece of waste is stabbed. "Damn Luna." I grit my teeth, feeling the familiar burn in my chest as I stab a disposable coffee cup. "And damn that insufferable Cadance, too!"

"Hey, parolee!" One of the guards calls over to me sharply, drawing my ire. "Keep it down and do your job, or we'll add disturbing the peace to whatever you did to land this detail. Got it?"

"Oh, of course, officer," I reply with biting cheer, imagining I'm stabbing his face as I pick up the next piece. "Wouldn't want to upset anypony, now would we?" I roll my eyes and get back to work, taking several deep breaths to try and calm myself down. "Fucking overly sensitive goddamn ponies." I still can't understand these people, ponies, whatever. I'm also horrible at interacting with them in a social setting, as I'd proved the other night during a dinner with several nobles. Celestia had been able to play it off as me readjusting to life among "our little ponies", but honestly a thousand years of isolation would kill anyone's social skills, especially given the circumstances surrounding mine. My small talk is limited to sarcasm, one or two word answers and glaring silently. Makes for awkward dinner conversation, as one might imagine. It also doesn't help that talking to anyone is like constantly walking on eggshells so I don't end up causing them to burst into tears. I still have to buy that one maid flowers for yelling at her when she walked in on me while I was taking a shower, because ponies are comfortable with nudity and all that and I'm, obviously, not.

"Is there a problem here, guardsponies?" A now familiar, masculine voice asks, causing me to take a deep breath and brace myself. When I turn to look to see who it is, the evidence provided by my ears is confirmed as fact. Standing perhaps twenty feet away from me is one Shining Armor, captain of the royal guard and, as I was surprised to learn, Cadance's boy-toy. He also happens to not like me very much, which always leaves me puzzled whenever he reminds me of it. As far as I'm aware I've been nothing but civil to the stallion, so his veiled hostility is a little off-putting to say the least. Of course he's likely perfectly justified in his dislike of me, given what he knows about me and all, but he's the first pony who knows the truth to react in such a way to me thus far.

"Captain Armor, sir!" The pair of guards snap to attention and salute in perfect unison. Military training at its finest, I guess. "We were just reminding the parolee to remain focused, sir!"

"At ease," Shining Armor tells them, the guards moving to stand at what I assume is parade rest. "So, 'Dusk', giving these stallions a hard time are we?" Dusk Shade is the name of my disguise and I, of course, give Shining Armor the frown his question deserves as I get back to work.

"All I did was make a few snide comments," I reply casually as he approaches. "If they can't handle someone with a smart mouth, then they seriously need to be better trained." I see the area around Shining's eyes tighten, my comment clearly striking a nerve. Good, I'm getting sick of just taking his displays of passive aggression without giving him some payback.

"They're just doing their jobs," he decides to remind me unnecessarily. "So, I see the princesses still have you picking up garbage. Personally I think this is more of a job for the park custodians but, well, you need to serve your time somehow." And there's the passive aggressiveness. Definitely not the only one who isn't happy about my sentencing, it seems. "Looking forward to this afternoon?"

"What about it?" I ask in turn, not really paying him any attention at this point. If he wants to just be a dick then I'm well within my rights to ignore him if I like.

"You boys can head back to the barracks," Shining tells the guards instead of answering me. "I'll keep an eye on the parolee." They give him a crisp salute, which he returns, before departing.

"There a reason you wanted us to be alone?" I ask casually, though now I'm kind of starting to feel slightly worried. "Not going to decide to dish out some well deserved justice, are we?" If he is then I'll be massively surprised.

"We're not barbarians," Shining says, sounding offended by the mere suggestion. "Not that you don't deserve it for everything you did, but it's not my call."

"Then what the hell do you want?" I ask again, giving him my full attention now. "I have work to finish here, in case you didn't notice, so, unless you actually need something from me, we'll have to trade barbs some other time."

"You know when Princess Celestia first came to me with the truth, I expected you to be some sort of fire breathing monster." I let out a snort at the mental image that little comment conjures in my mind. I only wish I had a power as badass as being able to breath fire on demand, but, sadly, I was not so blessed in my current incarnation as that. "So when I first met you, you can imagine how surprised I was by how soft you look." Soft? What the hell is that supposed to mean? "That under that vulnerable looking exterior is the mind of a killer, well...if I didn't know the truth I would just think you're strangely rude and leave it at that."

"So is this the part where you tell me that you're watching me and that I'd better be careful?" I ask him, not impressed if that is the case.

"Maybe," he says, leaning in close. "I'm also here to tell you this: if you ever, ever hurt Cadance again, I will end you." Ah, so that's it. "Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it," I reply quietly, not at all threatened by him but still feeling like dirt from being reminded of what I did. "Is that all?"

"Just show up on time this afternoon," Shining tells me, again puzzling me. "Now finish up here so I can get back to the palace."

"Sir, yes sir," I drawl, causing him to roll his eyes at me. Hurt Cadance again? Christ, I really hope I won't.

0o0o0o0o0o0

"By the First Egg, I thought we'd never get away," one of the guards hisses under his breath, he and his partner slipping into the shadows of a handy alleyway some time later. "Being around that pony is like choking on sand with how much negativity he gives off."

"Quit your whining," his fellow snaps, looking around as if checking to see if they are alone. "We need to get this done before we're missed."

"Yeah, yeah," the first says dismissively, his form briefly wreathed by green flames. Once they pass he is now a she, a sporty looking pegasus. "Just change so we can get moving already."

"Right." The second guard also becomes cloaked in flames, taking the form of a younger looking unicorn. "Meet you back at the barracks in twenty." He then takes off at a swift trot while the pegasus flies away for parts unknown.

0o0o0o0o0o0

I sneeze as I turn in my now almost full bag of trash, rubbing my nose and sniffling a bit. Can alicorns get sick? Christ, I really hope not. The last thing I need at this point is to catch a god forsaken cold. At least I'm done with this nonsense for the day, Shining Armor escorting me back to the palace, like I even need a chaperone in the first place. But we have to keep up appearances, right? Christ, I hate politics. But as I walk the palace halls, heading for the study where I'm supposed to have my magic lesson, I can't help but notice something.

"Why are you still following me?" I ask, keeping my gaze forward for the time being.

"I'm not following you," Shining replies despite obviously shadowing me. "We're just going to the same place is all." Oh, hell no.

"You're my magic tutor?" I can't keep the incredulity out of my voice. "What, did you draw the short straw or something?"

"No," he replied, pulling ahead of me and opening the study door. "I volunteered." I watch him enter, mouth agape, and can only think of one thing to say in response.

"Why me?"

0o0o0o0o0o0

At the base of the mountain upon which Canterlot sits, on the far western edge of its base, lies a small, densely packed forest. It is scarcely visited, as there is nothing of value there, at least not that anypony knows about. Nor is it a security risk, as the only approaches to Canterlot are by air, a road under near constant surveillance and by train. But today a sporty looking pegasus mare sets down outside this forest, eyes casting about for any signs that she has been followed. Once certain she is in the clear, the mare walks to the edge of the treeline and slips inside, her form once again consumed by flames. This time, however, it is not a pony that is left behind, but a quadrupedal being with pony-like features, a hard, black carapace, soulless looking green eyes with neither whites nor pupils, insect-like wings and a short, stubby horn upon its brow. A changeling, something not seen in Equestria for hundreds of years, or so everypony thinks.

The changeling heads deeper and deeper into the forest, which darkens as the canopy grows increasingly thicker, the trees soon swathed in strange, shiny black growths with glowing green protuberances that pulse and quiver as if alive. The changeling relaxes upon seeing these strange things, as it drew ever closer to its destination; the temporary hive from which it, and many others, observed Canterlot and its inhabitants. It is stopped by two larger, fiercer looking changelings, who let out low, threatening hisses, as if in challenge. The scout does not appear phased in the slightest by their display.

"I bring my latest report, as the queen has ordered," the scout says, the praetorians, changelings specifically birthed to guard the queen herself, exchanging a brief glance as a result. One nods and moves back into the shadows, while the second makes a gesture to the scout for it to follow, leading it deeper into the ever thickening growth, which now formed structures in and among the trees. The praetorian brings the scout to the largest of these organic looking structures, the front of it splitting open with a wet, sucking sound to admit them. The pair stop just within the threshold, taking a knee and bow their heads in respect to the figure seated on what can only be described as a throne.

"Speak," the figure, larger, leaner, its horn long and crooked and eyes snake-like as they focused on the scout, who bowed its head lower at the simple command.

"My queen," it begins respectfully, "I bring my latest report on the subject you wished me to observe."

"Then give it," the queen orders, tone holding an edge of impatience.

"The subject has proven volatile," the scout tells her swiftly, a slight tremor running through its frame as she glares down upon it. "Attempts to speak with the subject have been rebuffed on multiple occasions, in multiple forms. The subject gives off a persistent aura of bitterly dark emotions and is constantly on guard. He even struck the pink princess for simply trying to touch him, though he seemed to regret it once he realized what he had done."

"Is that all?" Its queen inquires further, causing the scout to shake its still bowed head.

"There seems to be a sense of attachment growing towards the pink princess," it informs her. "It is only speculation, my queen, but it could prove of some use."

"Return to your duties," the queen instructs it, a frown forming on her harsh featured face. "What sort of game is Celestia playing, keeping her defeated enemy so close? Learn the truth behind this and do not return until you do." The scout practically presses its snout into the floor and backs out of the room, the queen appearing to be deep in thought. "Volatile, is he?" Her frown slowly morphs into a wicked grin. "This might turn out to be more fun than I first anticipated~"

Chapter 2: Confronting Your Feelings And Other Depressing Pursuits

Celestia sat within her office, eyes scanning over the document currently up for her to review, an amendment to the current trade laws, worded in such a way as to make one think that it would benefit everypony, yet she had been playing the game for far longer than any else could hope to claim. But she saw the subtle, elegant weaving of words for what it was; a way for those that have the most money to make even more of it at the expense of everypony else. She honestly wonders what they expect to gain from this, as it had never worked in the past either. Then again, this is the twentieth document she had been required to review in the past hour. Perhaps they hoped that fatigue would cloud her judgement?

"Not bloody likely," she mutters, stamping it as denied before adding it to the ever growing Out pile. And yet, despite her work, the In pile had yet to even begin to shrink. She'd once conducted a study, privately of course, to determine if paperwork could reproduce asexually. Sadly, she'd only confirmed that paperwork, no matter what her, admittedly biased, perceptions told her, was indeed quite incapable of cellular division. She gets up from her seat and paces to the window, staring out over the castle grounds, her horn lighting briefly to trace the location of Artemis's collar. It tells her that he is in the library, likely having another lesson in reading, perhaps even history or something similar. Even now she wonders if she made the right choice. She can't forget what he has done, even if he hadn't been in possession of all of his faculties. She still has nightmares of the climax of their battle, the ferocity he displayed, how brutally he had attacked her when she had been helpless to defend herself. It is a constant, conscious effort on her part to remind herself that he is just as much a victim as those he had hurt and killed, perhaps even more so.

So she had decided to interact with him in a much less formal setting, where she didn't have to be the wise, protective princess her subjects expected her to be. The results had been...surprising, to say the least. He had displayed an awkwardness, a vulnerability, that she had not anticipated. Perhaps it hadn't been the best idea to tease him, but goodness he had proved all too easy to fluster, especially when Cadance had walked in on her demonstrating to him how to preen. Had she gone a bit too far? Perhaps. Had the way he had flushed red and stammered the other day been worth it? Definitely. Still, she reminds herself, he remains quite unstable. Her niece's reports certainly suggest that he is in dire need of therapy, to say the least, so the princess of the sun makes a mental note to be more consistent in her interactions with him. Less teasing, more solid bedrock for him to lean on, perhaps? Of course, it will not be easy, and it will certainly take a great deal of time to earn his trust. Then again, she must first learn to trust him as well.

"And I'm not sure if I can," Celestia admits to herself quietly. She'd gotten a great deal of flak from Luna when she had told her sister her decision regarding his sentencing, the younger alicorn insisting that she be punished as well. Yet not only had Celestia not been eager to do so, as Luna is her only living blood relative, but what had she been supposed to do exactly? Artemis is serving what is essentially a non-sentence, at least in her own likely biased opinion, so what more could she do in Luna's case? Regardless, she had caved, if only a little, and even now Luna is taking care of the more tedious tasks Celestia would normally have to do herself. Artemis gets to do chores, Luna gets to do the more mind numbing side of the paperwork. Besides, if he proves himself to be a productive, stable member of society, Artemis's "sentence" can always be reviewed, perhaps even reduced.

"Princess Celestia?" A knock and the familiar voice of her secretary at her study door. "I have the proposed revisions to the education funding bill if you have time to look them over, your highness."

"And so duty once again comes to call," Celestia mutters, putting on her best, pleasantly neutral expression as she turns to face the door. "Let's see what those doddering foals on the council are trying to slip past me today."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"So, you going to share anything with me this time?" Nymphadora asks as I am, once again, cleaning up the park. I don't know why she's here, again, but up until now she'd been watching me ever since I got here today. I had hoped she would leave it at that, but here she is, bothering me for reasons I cannot even begin to fathom. "Or am I going to have to persuade you~?" And then there's this shit. I mean, seriously, who the fuck talks like that? I feel like I'm inside of a trashy romance novel, doomed to an eternity of cheesy, awkward lines for my sins. "Come on, don't make me beg. It can't be all that bad, can it?" You have no goddamn idea.

"Look, Nymph," I begin, going for nice and not succeeding all that well at it. "I'm not exactly allowed to fraternize while I'm working like this." And yet the guards are just standing over there, like she's invisible to them or something. What's up with that? "So if you don't mind, I'd like to get it over with for the day."

"Oh, fine," she says with a sigh, clearly disappointed. "Are you free this afternoon?" No, and why are you even asking? This mare is one hell of an odd duck, I must say.

"No, I have...things to do," I tell her, going back to work. "Now, please, I'd rather not get into any more trouble."

"I doubt talking to me will make any difference on that front, 'Dusk'," she says, her tone taking on an odd edge and, just for an instant, I feel like I'm about to be attacked. Then it passes and I'm left to wonder if I'm just imagining things or if I'm still bloody crazy despite the Elements. "I'll get you to tell me eventually." She gives my shoulder a light bump with hers, tail flicking my nose as she walks away. Christ, is she swaying her flanks at me? Unbelievable. "Until next time~"

"Strange mare," I mutter, turning to get back to it, only to yelp when I almost bump into Shining Armor, who's scrutinizing me closely. "Jesus, captain, way to just about give me a heart attack!" He can be more quiet than someone in plate armor has any right to be.

"Who was that?" He asks, tone serious and I roll my eyes.

"You can relax," I assure him, jabbing a soda can and stuffing it into my bag. "She's just some overly curious weirdo, nothing to be worried about."

"Really?" I nod, seeing his head turn so he can gaze at the mare that was in the distance. "She seemed...friendly."

"You have no idea," I groan in response to that little doozy of an understatement, beyond relieved that she's gone. "She just showed up one day last week, right at the end of my shift." I shrug as I continue to go about my business. "Then she showed up again today, just to talk to me." And flirt in the most corny, awkward way I've ever seen. "I mean, seriously, does she really have nothing better to do with her time?" It's then that I notice Shining Armor just staring at me in disbelief. "What?"

"Nothing," he lies, which irritates me if I'm being honest with myself. "Just don't let her distract you too much, alright? I kind of have to make sure you're on top of things, too, you know." Right, right, my second chaperone, as if one hadn't been enough. At least he isn't as pink. I know, mean of me to judge Cadance on her candy colored coat, but I'm a dick by nature. It's part of my charm. Trust me. Oh, God, I'm going off on another mental monologue! Quick, someone create a distraction!

"Captain!" Another member of the royal guard shows up as if on cue, which is kind of scary when I stop to think about it. "Sir, it's-" The guard hesitates when he notices Shining Armor isn't exactly alone. "Sir, I must speak with you in private. It's urgent." They move far enough away from me in order for me to be unable to hear them. Pfft, joke's on them. I'm a cheeky, unrepentantly curious bastard that just so happens to enjoy sticking my nose into things that aren't my concern. A quick little burst of magic directed at my ears and I hear them perfectly.

"Another victim?" Wait, victim? The fuck?

"Yes, sir," the guard replies gravely. "This one was found in their home by a relative in the same state as the others." No way. Does Canterlot have some sort of serial killer on the loose?

"You've secured the scene?" Again, the guard nods. "Good. I'll be there shortly." Oops, time to act inconspicuous. I deactivate the spell on my ears and whistle a jaunty little tune as I resume picking up after the careless laziness of others. "Dusk." I look up at the sound of my alias being used. "I have to go. Behave yourself, you hear?"

"Yes, dad," I reply with the appropriate amount of disdain his needless reminder deserves. Shining Armor doesn't even respond, which is even more worrying to me than the thought of some sort of pony killer being on the loose for some reason. I glance over at the guards, frowning as they again seem to not notice or even care about what's going on at the moment. The fuck is up with today?

0o0o0o0o0o0

Shining Armor stepped into the private residence of one Lemon Hearts, which makes this even more disturbing for him on a personal level. He remembers that Twilight went to school with a filly of the same name and hopes she is alright. For now he begins to study the crime scene, nothing appearing out of place or out of the ordinary beyond the sight of the tape used to section it off over the front door. Despite his best efforts he finds nothing, a scowl settling onto his face as he finishes in the victim's room. Other than the bed being unmade, there's no sign of a struggle of any kind.

"Just like the others," he mutters, resisting the urge to kick the nightstand in frustration. "What in bucking Tartarus is going on around here?" He goes back downstairs and heads outside, moving to speak with one of the guards that first responded to scene. "Report."

"Miss Lemon Hearts was found in her bedroom half an hour ago by her sister, a Miss Peppermint," the guard informs him, looking over notes he had taken regarding the case. "She was cool to the touch and unresponsive. Paramedics who arrived on the scene reported that her vitals, while weak, were stable. She's currently in the unexplained causes ward of Platinum Memorial Hospital and has yet to regain consciousness."

"Nor is she likely to, given the previous cases." Shining Armor curses under his breath. "Nothing unusual was found? Not even a hair sample that was out of place?" He grinds his teeth when the guard shakes his head, the white coated unicorn having to force himself to calm down. "Carry on, then." He made a note to check in at the hospital once he confirms that Artemis has returned from his rounds of public service. "None of this makes any Faust damned sense."

0o0o0o0o0o0

Much later, Chrysalis, queen of the Badlands hive, watches as another of her drones arrives, stopping at a pulsing green sack suspended from the ceiling of her temporary throne room. Ever since Celestia had, however inadvertently, destroyed their old hive, they'd been forced to hide in the wilds. It had only been fairly recently that they had moved into the woods below Canterlot and Chrysalis had kept her children hard at work ever since. The drone flies to the pod, which pulsates sickly at its approach. Once it is close enough, the drone exhales onto the surface of it, a pink mist flowing out of the changeling's mouth and into the strange structure, which grows ever so slightly in size. Chrysalis scowls, the pod not nearly large enough yet. They'd been storing stolen love energy for weeks now and soon it would be too dangerous to continue to harvest at the rate she had ordered her children to use. They need more. She needs more.

"But that damn brat of a prince remains as tightly guarded as ever," she hisses, baring her fangs in a show of irritation and frustration. "It's almost as if he is incapable of feeling love for anyone!" She had sensed only guilt, self loathing and a number of just as equally useless emotions to their cause. She'd been working to try and solve the puzzle of Artemis the Destroyer, the demon alicorn from the moon that had attacked Equestria nearly defeated the wretched Sun Princess, Celestia. "I wish he had succeeded in killing that bitch on the day our hive fell. At least then we would have one less alicorn to deal with when the time finally comes." If she could just figure out the key to gaining access to his love, then they would have an even greater source of power to draw from and take out a great threat to their plans in a single stroke!

"But it's like trying to draw out information from a wall," she growls, stepping down from her twisted throne and starting to pace before it. "He is so guarded and closed off that it is simply infuriating to get anything out of him that isn't snark or sarcasm!" She lets out a low hiss. "And none of my attempts to get him to relax are working! Am I taking the wrong approach? Is he even interested in mares?" She gasps. "What if he's attracted to stallions? Oh, by the First Egg, did I misread him?!" This could set the whole plan back weeks if it's true! "What can I do? Should I try approaching him as a stallion or stick to the original plan?"

"Um...your majesty?" A brave scout dares to approach her, its fellows, hiding in the shadows, taking a collective breath.

"WHAT?!" She snaps, glaring down at the scout, teeth bared in a vicious snarl. She looks ready to incinerate it on the spot, causing it to cower in abject terror.

"F-forgive me, your mercifulness," it stammers apologetically. "I-I would never dream to try telling you what to do. No 'ling would even dare think it!" It looks up at her, seeing her expression start to smooth out a bit. "B-but if I may offer a suggestion?"

"Proceed," Chrysalis instructs it after several long, tense moments of silence. Feeling slightly more confident now that it isn't about to be turned into a green stain on the floor, the changeling sits up and clears its throat.

"Your majesty, I am one of the scouts you instructed to observe the subject during our initial forays into the pony hive of Canterlot." It shivers as her eyes narrow impatiently. "The subject seems almost entirely uninterested in romantic pursuits, my queen. He may even prove to be asexual but, regardless, I would suggest taking a different approach." Chrysalis gestures for the scout to continue. "Perhaps, just perhaps, it would be easier if you approached the subject with the intent of becoming his friend instead? I mean, he seems to have none outside of the pink princess and the guard captain, and even they don't appear to be very close to him."

"Yes...yes, that may work," Chrysalis muses, the scout relaxing once her attention is no longer focused upon it. "If I become his friend, I could gain his confidence, perhaps even more if I play my cards right." She grins, a look of wicked eagerness filling her eyes as she imagines the prospects that earning The Destroyer's trust could open up to her. "You may take an extra ration of love today, my child." The scout bows and backs out of the throne room, obviously dismissed. "Being a pony's friend? This will require my utmost attention." She taps one hoof against the floor sharply, a pair of drones appearing from the shadows. "The usual source. I will need to know everything, so leave no stone unturned this time." They bow and swiftly depart. "Just you wait, Artemis." She smiles deviously. "I'll be the best friend you've ever had~"

0o0o0o0o0o0

Why do I suddenly feel so cold? It's still summer, for crying out loud! I shiver and glance around, thinking maybe there may have been a draft or something, but none of the library windows are open. So why? I really hope I'm not getting sick. What sort of super virus would it take to get an alicorn sick anyway? Best to not even think about it. I turn my attention back to the book in front of me, glad that a certain fussy instructor isn't here to badger me today. Cadance, however, is still here, staring at me, as if she's trying to figure out what makes me tick. Need to come up with something for your report to "Auntie" Celestia, little princess? At least she could be less obvious about it, because damn if it's not really fucking distracting.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," I say, tone biting as I've finally had enough of being studied like this. She's startled out of whatever trance she'd managed to put herself under, having the grace to appear embarrassed at least. "So, what's the matter? Did 'Auntie' Celestia want you to pick my brain or what?"

"Oh, no, that's not it at all," she assures me, though I of course have my doubts about how honest she's actually being with me. "I was just thinking about what I learned from Shining Armor today." Oh? Had he talked to her about whatever case he'd been called away to? Wait, why is she smiling like that? "I hear you were talking with a mare today." No. No, she can't possibly think...oh, God, she does.

"Okay, I'm going to stop you there," I say, closing the book, somehow doubting that I'll get any more reading done today. "I hardly even know this Nymphadora mare. She's just some crazy pony that's way too interested in how I got saddled with picking up trash in the park."

"So she's been just asking you questions about what landed you in hot water, that about right?" I sigh, as that's not entirely correct.

"Well, no," I mutter, shifting uncomfortably as Cadance's interest is immediately piqued. "She's asked about what I do when I'm not picking up trash, even tried to invite me to go with her someplace after I got off my shift." I shake my head slightly. "I take it your boytoy told you she's been flirting with me?" She nods, because of course he did. "I wouldn't even call it flirting. It's like she's doing what a child thinks flirting is supposed to be and it's kind of creeping me out." I roll my eyes when Cadance frowns at me. "You wouldn't believe some of the stuff she's said. It's the cheesiest schlock I've ever heard outside of a dime store romance novel."

"Maybe that's exactly what it is?" Que? "Hear me out for a minute. She could be trying to emulate what she's read, because she has no experience in such things outside of fiction." Okay, that could be possible I suppose. "She takes time out of her day to talk to a convicted criminal, even if he's just on probation, and to me that says a lot. I think she's definitely interested if she's willing to put in that sort of effort to even see you, let alone get you to open up to her."

"Oh, that's fucking fantastic," I groan, Cadance looking at me like I'd just sprouted a second head. "Cadance, I don't have time to deal with some mare that saw a stallion and thought it'd be a good idea to try and hook up with him just because he makes her lady bits tingle."

"Artemis!" Cadance gasps, shocked by my coarse speech. "Not only is that the most heartless, nasty thing I've ever heard, but you're also doing that poor mare a grave disservice by just dismissing her feelings out of hoof like that!" I look away, ears folding back as I realize I shouldn't have worded it quite that crudely. "Now I'm not saying you should pursue a relationship you're clearly not ready for, but at least try to be nicer to her." Her gaze turns pleading. "Please, Artemis? I know you don't like socializing, but please, just try? If it doesn't work out, I won't ever bug you about this sort of thing again, I promise."

"Fine," I reply with a world weary sigh. "I'll try to be nicer to her, okay?" I stand up from the table and stretch. "But this is a terrible idea and I reserve the right to say I told you so when it doesn't pan out." I glance at the clock. "Look, I need to get going to Shining Armor's magic lesson." I turn my back to the princess and head on out. "Catch you later, princess."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"And he's gone, again," Cadance mutters once the door to the library shuts with Artemis's departure. "We've been talking for over a month now and he still won't open up, not even a little." She sighs, rising from the lounge chair she'd chosen as her seat roughly an hour before. "I knew it wasn't going to be easy, not with a thousand years of trauma weighing him down, but he still sees us all as the 'other'." Even with a thousand years spent as a pony, he still sees himself as an alien, a being apart from the rest of their species. Granted, she supposed that's not very surprising, giving all he's been through, but it wasn't healthy for him to hold on to such things at this point. This is his life now and he needs to become accustomed to that fact. And then there's the other issue she's steadily become more and more aware of as she'd spent time with the troubled prince.

"He holds no love for himself," she observes quietly. Not even the tiniest of fragments of love for himself can be found amidst the swirling miasma of self loathing, guilt, rage and a thousand other little things she senses that, when added together, make up the mess that is his mental and emotional state. Such a thing was a painful sight to her most of all, the princess vowing, again, to do her best to help Artemis recover. No matter how long it takes or what she has to do, she'll find a way to get through to him. "Just don't act on that hate you hold for yourself until then." She smiles sadly. "I'll find a way to help you, 'uncle'. I promise."

0o0o0o0o0o0

I find myself staring at my plate later that evening, idly poking at the salad that sits upon it as I think over what Cadance said to me in the library, among other things. Should I really try and make a friend? Is it even worth the risk? Better yet, can I really make one under false pretenses? Nymphadora has no idea who and what I really am, after all. Damn it, this philosophical bullshit is making me lose my appetite.

"Son of a bitch," I mutter, setting the fork down and sighing softly. "Damn you, Cadance, for making me think about this." I grit my teeth, having not expected anything like this to ever come up. I'd have never even considered it, not with my history. "No one deserves to have to deal with the sort of baggage I'm carting around, friend or otherwise."

"And yet, sometimes, tis better to share the load rather than bear it by one's self." I stiffen, head turning to see Luna, a plate held in the grasp of her own magic as she observes me with an unreadable look on her face. "I understand better than anyone the desire to keep such pain hidden, to not let it see the light of day." Her expression darkens slightly. "And I also know that to attempt to do so is folly."

"I see you're finally talking right," I remark, deliberately messing up the grammar to screw with her and change the subject.

"You were the one that complained about my method of articulation, brother," she reminds me, which I find puzzling to say the least.

"Why the fuck would you care what I think?" I ask, turning my attention back to my plate but not picking up my fork. "If you want to talk like you belong in the Renaissance, be my guest." I grimace in annoyance. "And you can stop calling me your brother while you're at it."

"Why does no one in this era say what they mean?" She asks as she sits down across from me, appearing genuinely puzzled. "If you did not care about it, why comment upon it? And we are in public, so you shall have to suffer through it for now, 'brother'." Damn it, why does she have to bring logic into it?

"I was saying what I meant," I reply, stabbing a radish with my fork and eying it thoughtfully. "But why should you care? You're a princess, so what does the opinion of your prisoner even matter anyway?" I pop the root vegetable into my mouth and chew, still surprised by how robust the flavors of plants are to me now. Spicy, yes, but now there's this underlying sweetness that goes well with the bite it possesses. Weird. "If you're this easily bothered by what a stranger says, no wonder you went crazy a thousand years ago." Shit. Shit, why did I say that? "Erm, what I meant was-"

"No. You say what you mean, correct?" Fuck me sideways, me and my big mouth. "But you are anything but a stranger to me, Artemis." I shift uncomfortably, practically able to feel her gaze boring into me now. "For a thousand years we were together, sharing a single purpose and drive, however misguided it was. Your opinion shall always matter to me, my brother." I have to look up at her, ears folded tight against my skull as she seems to stare straight through me. What the fuck is even happening right now? "Do you still wake up at night to the silence?" I stiffen in shock. "Yes, I assumed it bothered you as well, and it seems I am correct. You cannot share a life with someone for so long without it affecting you greatly."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I deny it swiftly, but we both know I'm full of shit. "I'm glad it's quiet now! You were always in my head, giving me orders, talking down to me, abusing me! I'm free and I couldn't be happier!"

"Truly?" She obviously doesn't believe me. "You do not find yourself awaiting an answer to your idle thoughts? Seeking advice from the air, even though you should know that no one will answer?" I find myself shivering, though it's nowhere near cold in the dining hall at the moment. "You do not lay awake for hours, listening to the deafening silence and wishing you could do anything to fill it?" She lowers her gaze, allowing me to relax, if only a little. "It must be truly wonderful, to be so blessed. I wish I could claim to be as fortunate as you are, brother." She stands, having not even touched her food. "Remember, Artemis. No one, pony or otherwise, is an island. Allow those around you to help you, or you shall surely succumb once more to the darkness." Her expression softens slightly. "I wish you well, my brother, and, remember, that I am here should you desire my aid." And then she's gone, leaving me to shiver like a leaf caught in a storm.

"Damn her," I growl, lowering my head and gritting my teeth, my eyes beginning to sting. "And damn me, too." I turn my gaze in the direction she went, not willing to leave it at that. How dare she talk down to me to me like that? "Luna, get back here!" I shout, racing after her and ignoring the startled servants on my way out of the dining hall. "Don't you walk away from me!" She hadn't made it far, turning in surprise as I approach. "You don't get to just talk to me like that and not even give me a chance to-" And she just about stuffs her hoof into my mouth. Yuck. "Mmm, mnf hrmph!" Hard to bitch about it under the circumstances.

"Have you taken leave of your senses?" She hisses, looking around for anyone nearby that could have overheard me. I simply glare at her, tempted to bite her hoof at this point. "Here, we shall discuss this elsewhere." The dizzying sensation of being teleported disorients me briefly and, obviously, we're elsewhere once everything comes back into focus. I waste no time in slapping away her hoof, spitting to get the taste out of my mouth.

"Ugh, Christ, that was vile!" I curse, wiping my tongue with my fetlock to try and help things. "Don't ever do that again!" I then look around, not recognizing where we are. "Where are we?"

"My private chambers," Luna replies, frowning at me deeply. "Twas the only place I could think of on such short notice."

"Okay, good, I'm glad we're alone," I growl, not happy. Not. One. Bit. "How dare you? Who the fuck do you think you are to talk to me like that?" I demand, glaring at her with all the hate I can muster. "You have the gall to lecture me, after torturing me for close to a thousand years?! I should have taken your God forsaken head when you offered it to me!"

"I did not seek to lecture," Luna protests, a growl rising in my throat in response. "You cannot just try to lock such feelings up inside and hope they go away! I know what doing so causes, better than anyone could ever hope to understand!" Damn it, don't bring up good points, it undermines my righteous goddamn fury! "I tried to murder my sister and steal the throne for myself alone, because I felt like no one ever appreciated me, that Celestia received all of their admiration and praise while I lingered in the shadows! I let that fester for a hundred years until I was consumed by it, Artemis!"

"Don't compare me to you," I snap, ears folding back in a defensive reaction to the escalating tone our little discussion has taken. "I am nothing like you, so don't even go there!" She's suddenly in my face and we're butting heads, horns scraping together hard enough that it makes my teeth ache.

"We are exactly alike, you foal!" She counters, pushing me back a few steps before I can stop it. "I know you better than even you know yourself, just as you know me! You hate me because you see yourself in me, and I am constantly reminded of everything I loathe about myself whenever I see the pain in your eyes!"

"Shut up!" I demand, pushing back against her, regaining some lost ground for my trouble. "I won't listen to this bullshit anymore!"

"Why? Does the truth frighten you?" Is she fucking taunting me?! "Why can you not face it, Artemis? There is a reason the Elements chose this form for you and it was not on some twisted whim like you seem to believe!"

"Well the Elements can take their fucking reasons and shove them up their collective asses!" I growl angrily. "I didn't want a second chance, damn it, especially not like this!"

"How do you believe I feel then?!" I really don't care right now. "I am lost in a world where no one knows me, where all the ponies I knew and cared for grew old and died while I was trapped with you on my moon!" I see her eyes starting to grow wet with unshed tears. "And now the only pony I can possibly relate to in this era hates me and nothing I can ever do will change that fact!" Don't you dare start crying, Luna!

"And whose fucking fault is that, 'princess'?!" I ask bitingly. "You made your bed, just as I did! Deal with it!"

"Your hypocrisy is truly astounding!" She snaps right back. "You haunt these halls, a mess of guilt and self loathing, doing nothing to change your life, and you tell me to 'deal with it'?!" Okay, not gonna lie, that's a fair point. "I sometimes wish we had never left that cursed prison! At least then I would not have to deal with this guilt!"

"Yeah? Well sometimes I wish I could just fucking die!" And I freeze up, the admission leaving me before I can stop it. The room falls dead silent as I stumble back from her in shock. "I really, really wish your sister had just executed me. It would have been a kindness." Christ, I can't handle this anymore. I'm breaking down in front of Luna, for fuck's sake!

"...do you truly wish to die?" I can't even reply, but I guess the silence is enough of an answer in this case. "Artemis...by Faust." I lower my head in shame, feeling like such a coward. Then something happens that I never expected. She hugs me. She fucking hugs me! "Artemis-"

"Don't try and console me!" I spit, trying to push her away. "You can't just try and pull this shit with me, not after everything you did!" She only holds me tighter. "Let me go!" But I can't seem to break loose. "Let go, damn it!" And now I feel ready to cry again! "LET GO!" The struggling begins to wear me out, my emotional state not exactly helping me any either. Damn her for making me confront this. "I hate you! I hate you more than anything!"

"I know," she responds softly, rubbing my back in slow, soothing circles. "And that is fine. I will bear your hatred and more if I must."

"And why do you get to be so noble?" I've never felt so goddamn confused. "Why couldn't you just stay some evil, heartless bitch? I could have handled that!"

"I am sorry," she replies, holding me a little tighter now. "But I cannot be her anymore."

"Damn it," I sob, unable to hold back anymore, my face buried in the crook of her neck as the tears flow freely. "God fucking damn it!"

"It is alright, my prince," Luna whispers to me quietly. "I am here for you, but you must speak to someone, lest you go mad." And that's how I got scheduled for therapy. Fucking joy.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Therapy sucks. Not only because you have to confide in a complete stranger about all the fucked up shit that goes on in your head, but it's also one of the most degrading, humiliating experiences to have someone pick your brain apart to see just what makes you tick. So here I am, laying down on the absurdly comfy couch, while some shrink Celestia keeps on retainer stares at me over the top of her note pad like I'm some interesting specimen for her to study.

"This case is...complicated." Way to make an understatement, lady. "I have never been asked to provide counseling for somepony in your position before, Artemis." She knows the truth, so I imagine she's still a bit puzzled about an alicorn prince actually being an alien underneath it all. "I believe it would be best that we start things by using me as your sounding board, of sorts. I'll listen to anything you want to talk about." Christ, where do I even start?

"Well, I guess we can start with the elephant in the room." I sigh tiredly. "Once upon a time, I was a human being, a bipedal creature descended from apes..."

0o0o0o0o0o0

I step out into the hall after our hour is up, the door clicking shut behind me sounding louder than it should. I wonder if she plans on writing some sort of paper on me at some point? It'd make one hell of a read, I'm sure, and we haven't even scratched the surface of the clusterfuck that is me yet. Still it's a start, I guess.

"Christ, I hate therapy," I grumble while heading on my way, late for my lesson with Shining Armor as it is. I notice that I hate a lot of things, now that I think about it. Myself, mornings, black coffee, turnips, and no, not even my new taste buds can make that shit taste even halfway decent, and I even hate how cheerful these ponies are for no conceivable reason. I am a massive piece of shit. Okay, being negative doesn't help, so moving on. I eventually make my way over to the study we have set aside, not even bothering to knock, which I immediately regret as I walk in on Cadance and Shining sucking face.

"Jesus, put a sock on the doorknob or something next time," I gripe, the pair immediately pulling apart, faces flushed. "I really don't need to see that sort of thing." It reminds me that I am very much alone. Ugh, the therapy is already making me confront my feelings! Blech! "Okay, if you two are finished playing tonsil hockey, I'm sorry that I'm late for the lesson."

"Wait, did you just apologize?" Shining Armor asks, tone reflecting his surprise. "Honey, am I hallucinating?"

"No, I'm pretty sure I heard it too," Cadance assures him and I roll my eyes at them. "I suppose we could both be crazy, though it's highly unlikely."

"Oh, ha ha," I grumble, though I suppose I deserve it for the snide comments about them making out. "So, what's on the schedule for today? Defensive spells? Teleporting?"

"Nope," Shining Armor replies, Cadance pushing a small cloud into view while he talks. "We thought it'd be a good idea to start working on the other sides to the nature of your magic as an alicorn. Well, Cady did at least."

"And since she wears the pants in your relationship, you of course caved like a bitch," I tease him mercilessly, getting a dirty look from the guard captain for my trouble. "Okay, where do we start?" I only know how to walk on clouds at the moment, which is mostly instinctual anyway. This could actually prove to be fun for once.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Turns out, teaching someone how to manipulate the weather indoors is a terrible idea, because I'm either an idiot savant at it or we're all just seriously unlucky. Shining Armor and Cadance stand next to me, the three of us just outside the burning study as fire fighting ponies work to put out the flames I'd inadvertently started.

"Not it," I immediately say, drawing odd looks from the other two as a result. "Someone has to explain this to Celestia or whoever comes to call. So, like I said, not it."

"You are such a colt," Cadance says, sounding unimpressed. "Not it." Ha, nice!

"Oh, come on!" Shining Armor protests, causing the two of us to laugh at his misfortune. "Why do I have to do it?"

"Sorry, cap," I drawl while Cadance giggles. "Guess you'll just have to be faster on the draw next time~" Okay maybe, just maybe, this new life of mine isn't so bad after all.

Author's Note

Happy new year everyone! I hope your new years was fun and safe, now let's have an even better year than the last. Hopefully. Maybe. I don't know, we'll see what happens :derpytongue2:

Okay, feel free to ignore this next bit if you like. I have a Patreon now so I'll be mentioning it now and then, though, as I said in my blog post, you do not have to donate in order to get this stuff. You'll just get it a few days early, if I can stick to a schedule at least. Maybe even some good feels and a shout out at the end of each chapter, depending on how much you donate. So, have a link, because shameless self promotion is fun! https://www.patreon.com/Crensler

Shout out to my Patrons, including Canary In The Coal Mine. Your support means more than I could ever express.