In Excelsis, Celestia

by toxiconym

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Princess Celestia
Length: 3998

I thought I knew Princess Celestia. I thought I knew how Equestria was founded. I was wrong.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I traveled to The Castle of the Two Sisters yesterday to study ancient runes, and to possibly discover new magical artifacts. I found a magic sword and an eternal goblet, and fascinating as they are, they are nothing exceptional. Especially compared to a thousands-year-old magical journal with your hoofwriting on it!

I am very sorry, Princess, but I my curiosity got the best of me and I read through it. I thought it would hold ancient knowledge and history.

Well, it did contain history, but it wasn't the kind of history that I'm used to. After reading this journal, I don't know if I can trust you anymore, but if everything you wrote is true, then you'll know where to find me.

Your student,
Twilight Sparkle

The title of this story was inspired by Moonrise: A Symphonic Metal Opera by L-Train.

Published 2019-02-13 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-13 00:50:01 UTC

Helligkeit

I’ve sat on cold stone for hours… I could be lying on my bed at Ponyville if I wished to be. And how I wished to be. I could be sitting on my bed, making sure Spike went to bed on time, and putting my books away. If only life was that simple. And yet, it is. But I’m committed, now, and I won’t come home yet. Not until I’ve found answers.

It was a mistake to go to the Castle of the Two Sisters. Or was it? I’m still not sure. I only wanted to find some new artifacts to research, some lost and hidden knowledge. And I did find that. One sword I found was enchanted to freeze anything it cut. It’s a typical, but interesting, enchantment. I also found a golden goblet that never runs out of wine. It was impressive craftsmanship, despite being stereotypical as well. There are many respected unicorns that are able to cast greater enchantments on more complex objects.

I wanted to know what mysteries the ancient unicorns hid away in this castle, maybe from the ones who personally studied under Starswirl’s tutorship. What if I even found objects that dated back to the pre-Starswirlian magic era? Those objects would belong in a museum and not a dusty old castle, hidden away from the world.

I’ve studied the entire first floor dozens of times before on my previous trips to the castle, so I went to the massive second floor, searching for knowledge. While sifting through the books of a mundane shelf, I came across a hidden compartment, but it was hidden by magic. So, of course, I decided to open it. And I can’t blame myself for it. I’m a curious unicorn.

The horror I found inside was supposed to be some ancient tome, some lost artifact of great power. But it was just a journal. A dusty, old journal, and I read it.

The cover was blank. The first page was blank. The second page was not blank.

The date was blurred out. I would test the journal for its age, but I was afraid of deteriorating it. There was no title, just a list of names.

Sunstruck, pegasus, District 47

Gray Fog, earth pony, District 65

Talon, dragon, inner badlands

Jocasta, cat, Egypt

Starswirl the Conqueror, unicorn, unknown location

Clover the Butcher, unicorn, unknown location

Watcher, unknown race, unknown location

The rest of the list was blurred. Already, I felt a pit in my stomach, not knowing these names. Who was Starswirl the Conqueror, or Clover the Butcher? Who wrote the journal? What was Egypt? It didn’t make sense. At first I thought the names were of relatives to the famous unicorns I had studied, but then, I thought that they had no relatives. Was this just some debtor’s list? Or a list of guests? There were too many questions running in my head, there was no hope for me to answer all of them, let alone to even begin to comprehend the truth.

Wanting to know more, I flipped the page. It had the same list from before, except that this time, it was a little different.

Sunstruck, pegasus, interrogated and terminated

Gray Fog, earth pony, interrogated and terminated

Talon, dragon, larger interrogation chamber

Jocasta, cat, publicly hanged

Starswirl the conqueror, unicorn, South America

Clover the Butcher, unicorn, South America

Watcher, unknown race, unknown location

At this point, the letters were starting to become familiar to me. I realized that I knew a pony who wrote in this style, but I could not be so sure. That pony writes with magic. These journals were hoofwritten. It couldn’t have been her. I didn’t want it to be her.

Dust was collecting on my coat and tears pushed out of my eyes, but I flipped the page.

Talon, dragon, interrogated and terminated

Starswirl the conqueror, unicorn, mana siphoned and terminated

Clover the Butcher, unicorn, mana siphoned and terminated

Watcher, unicorn, discovered in Argentina

And under this list, I foudn a subscript.

“Finally, now that their lights have extinguished, We live without fear. Our dark sister, bless her, took it upon herself to sniff out their lights so that We must not have to, and without remorse, she took the act. There has been so much wax on Our shoulders already. We never knew the day would come when We relished the day Our sister took out the lights of ponies, and We never knew the day would come when We would have to take out the lights of any living creatures. Our priests handle my consciousness well, though they cannot cure the soul of its blackest sin. Our… nay, my eyes cannot hold back the wells within, for I fear emptying myself of all water. I will not feel remorse forever. One day, as I slay more of the living, there will be a time when I no longer feel the deep emotions that make ponies who they are. When will that happen? When my mother’s comfort leave this world? When will I stop seeing their lives thrown before me, laughing at me, baring their necks? The spirits mock me. As if I could not take more. As if I were too weak to take more.
No, I am not weak. We are not weak. We must remind ourselves the blessings of Our crown each waking day, and what good nature We give to those loyal enough to follow us through these bloody times.

It is a heavy crown We wear.”

No signature.

I… my mind went numb. And it still is. I feared turning the page. What use would learning of my tutor’s crimes, what use would that be to me? Would she take my light, too? No… not Princess Celestia. I’ve known her all my life, but now, as I lay on this cold, stone floor, I fear I know nothing at all.

I gulped and simply turned the page. Incomplete knowledge is worthless. Maybe the names listed were of savage criminals, maybe they were threats to world safety. I had to know, lest my consciousness be blackened. My hoof trembled so, I nearly ripped the page off its hinge. And why did I use my hoof to turn the page? Why could I not use my magic? Why couldn’t I use my magic?

Watcher, unicorn, terminated

Subscript.

“Once, I thought my crown made of gold, and gems. No. It is made of agony and despair. Its jagged edges scrape my scalp so harshly, I made a fool of myself in front of that lawmaker, I threw it at the wall. I broke that wall. And the one behind it. It was a simple hearing. My ponies must be attended to, so, why could I not attend to them? Luna kindly took it upon herself to wake up early and excuse me for the day, bearing my burdens just for the day.

It is not fit for a ruler to cry.

My tears are not made of the same composition as that of a pegasus, or an earth pony, or even of a unicorn. My tears would drown the nation, were it not already soaked in blood. I keep too much knowledge in my head of his face. They called him the Watcher. He spoke not a word to me. Hooves tied, horn castrated. His family, murdered. His people, murdered, all of them. He had every right to say something to me. Anything. I took his gag off, personally, so he might have done so, and all he did was stare at me.

Those dark grey eyes… I had not seen such dark eyes before. He did not let me study them for long. I let him close his eyes for a minute, waiting for him to say something, anything. With a heavy sigh, I thrust the sword at him. I saw the life force that made up his body stolen away from him. His head fell, quickly, next to those of his people. He was just another pony on the line. They were all just another pony on the line.

I dare not write more.”

Once again, there was no signature.

It took me many weeks to recover from reading that passage. Or, at least, that’s what it felt like. In reality, I only spent a few minutes thinking about what I had read, trying to come up with tears, but I felt nothing. There was nothing to feel. By this point, I had deciphered the writing to be conclusively her writing. Why would this journal be here, forgotten about? Nothing in it matched any of the history I knew. I wanted to cry for Watcher, but I could not.

I had to come up with a solution that was fit for my mind. Was this journal just a prank someone wrote once to scare a pony? Or was it all propaganda to dethrone Princess Celestia? Would I ever know?

I passed every history class I took in Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Every one. Advanced Equestrian History, Advanced Global History, Advanced Political History. Nothing in any history class mentioned a Watcher of any kind, or a Starswirl the Conqueror, or a Clover the Butcher. None of my classes mentioned any conflicts with “Argentina”. Nothing –

“Twilight.”

I squeezed my eyes shut.

There were hoofsteps behind me. Nearing me. They stopped.

The hum of magic filled the air, its unwelcome buzz filling the room with a radiant heat. Papers shuffled for a second.

“Please, Twilight. You must listen.”

I opened one of my eyelids. Slightly. Princess Celestia sat down next to me. Her crown was on the floor, and the rest of her regalia was down there with it. Her mane stood still on her back, like a normal unicorn’s.

“Equestria is a wonderful nation, Twilight. Have you ever thought about how such a nation could exist in this world?”

I did not reply to her.

“I understand why you may feel anguished, Twilight. As your mentor, and as your friend, I will never fail to give you the truth that you deserve. If you would like, I can teach you the reality of the world Equestria is built on, and why I made questionable decisions in the past. I can explain why some history is hidden, why some of it is altered.”

She paused. I still failed to find any words for her. Nothing, in my mind, would ever justify the actions she took, if they were real.

“Come with me, Twilight. You don’t have to trust me. You don’t have to give me a chance after this. But there are some things you must see.”

Something tugged at my head, like a firm rope around my neck. My spirit flew rapidly at the unknown. I opened my eyes. I was in a field, with few trees, and fewer animals, except for some dark birds flying overhead. Princess Celestia walked forward, looking at a boulder on the ground. She cast her yellow glow around it, and pushed it aside. The grass under it was yellow and dead, but nothing of note was there.

“You may not see anything here, Twilight. But I do. I will never forget the day that my paramilitary slaughtered an entire village her, beside this boulder. Are you listening, Twilight? I have murdered ponies. I watched their eyes grow dull. I heard their daughters and sons cry and scream, and I slaughtered them, too.”

She kept silent for a moment.

“I have made my peace with it long ago, but I’ll never forget it. Equestria would not be possible if such a village existed here. The ponies who died here were the remnants of what remained of the ancient race. The ancient race of unicorns and pegasi knew not the magic we use today. They were innocent, good ponies. They used science to harvest their food, and to produce their products. Oh, Twilight, if only you knew. This massacre is nothing compared to the massive wars of the ancient age. These are horrors I could never let my ponies know about. Do you understand why I did this, Twilight?”

Again, I did not answer. Actually, I found what she was doing kind of pitiful. Was she really trying to justify her murder to me? Of all ponies, to me?

“Yes, Twilight. I am. I thought you, of all ponies, should know the truth.”

My eyes widened. “What magic is this? How do you read my thoughts?”

“No magic you know of, Twilight. Please, just let me finish.

“The world used to be a living Tartarus. The air was polluted beyond repair. The nations of the Earth warred restlessly over water. Over water, Twilight. This wasn’t a question of politics. It was a question of survival. We had become so unsustainable that if nothing changed, the planet would have died out. Completely. In a matter of months. I…”

She raised a hoof to her eye. I didn’t want to look, but I did, and was surprised to see tears running down her cheeks. But were they real? “I thought I had made my peace with this.”

Some younger part of me wished to comfort her.

“I suppose you could never understand what it was like back then. I suppose my sister and I are the only ones who understand. Come, let me show you.”

A green light flashed at my eyes, and I fell asleep.

“Twilight.”

In my own numbness, a light appeared before me. It wore a crown and scepter.

“Twilight.”

I touched the light, feeling my hoof sink into it, much more rapidly than I expected. I gasped as I fell through its embrace, falling, infinitely. Nothing surrounded me and everything at once became of me. The world turned to and I sat up, shaking.

“Twilight, there you are.”

I tried to breathe, but I couldn’t. My lungs collapsed and I hacked away at the dust rapidly entering my nostrils. I widened my eyes and looked to my horn, which would not light. Again, I could not use magic. Why couldn’t I use my magic?

Celestia’s glow covered me, and I could finally breathe. I gasped for breath, choking on the air itself, before I could breathe again, and looked around. We were on a cloud above a place I could not quite describe. Huge, gray boxes towered up into the sky, each one emitting a black gas I had never seen before.

“Please forgive me, Twilight. I have forgotten that a pony of our time is not capable of living here. This is the past, Twilight.”

“But Princess,“ I finally found my voice. “I thought that time magic is impossible.”

“It is impossible with the magic you use. Look, Twilight. This is the world before magic. Look at the dust and the dirt. It was hard to breathe, even for someone used to this air. These are buildings.” She pointed to the tall boxes I looked at earlier. “But they are not the buildings you are used to. These rise much higher, and not because of magic. The ponies exploited the Earth to support this parasitic lifestyle.”

“What does that have to do with the village you massacred, Princess?”

She turned her head away for a moment, to a corner in the horizon. I thought she was reflecting, but after a moment, we were pulled away to a forest.

“What do you see, Twilight?”

The forest under us was greena nd lush. “I see many animals, birds, and plants, Princess. It’s… it’s lovely.”

“Do you see anything else?”

“What am I looking for? Are there monsters here?”

“You could say that.”

A painful scream pelted my eardrums. I cringed and covered them, as if it would ease the pain in my skull. The screaming stopped, but then I heard something else, something like a failed experiment, but much louder. “What’s happening, Princess?”

Her gaze was even as she brought us lower. “Fear not. They cannot see or harm us.”

There were ponies in the forest, covered in green drab, I could barely see them. They were holding weird sticks on their shoulders. And then, they were gone. Them, and everything around them abruptly exploded into ash. I screamed and backed up into the Princess. She wrapped her wings around me. I heard more explosions in the distance, each one louder than the last. “Take me away!”

“No.” Princess Celestia spoke with authority. “You must understand.”

I tried covering my eyes with my hooves, but she pulled them away. “I’m not hiding anything more from you, Twilight.” My hooves struggled against her magic, trying to break free. “Please. You’re safe with me. Just observe.”

With a deep sigh, I opened my eyes again, looking at the forest around us. But it wasn’t green anymore. It was red, and yellow, and orange. The fire spread everywhere. I heard ponies screaming, and the stench I felt is not something I want to describe. I couldn’t see any more ponies, or their blood, only fire and ash.

And then everything went quiet.

“A hundred thousand ponies died today, Twilight.”

I looked away.

“This is the world I lived in.”

When I looked back, we were back at the boulder. The Princess walked up to it, sighed, and sat down next to it. “I remember every life I have taken. Every one. It was thanks to the lives I took that this world is not the one we live in, Twilight. Not even a hundred thousand ponies live in Equestria, yet in one night, one hundred thousand fell to the cruelty of greed. I had to do something.”

I wanted to ask more. So much more. But I couldn’t find the words. “What exactly did you do, Princess?”

“I created a story. I do not lift the sun, Twilight. I am deeply sorry to have lied to you all this time. I have lied to the world for centuries. The magic you use is but a mere fabrication of mine, just a small concentration of the magic I discovered many millennia ago. I cannot let that magic be released or the world will devolve into chaos again.”

“What story?”

“Come, sit.”

I walked next to her and sat down on the grass. At this point, I didn’t know what to feel.

“I did not murder the world, Twilight. The world murdered itself. By the time I was a young adult like you, there were only a few thousand ponies left. We were going to die. You do not know what a religion is, so think of it this way. We all knew we would die. Many preached that our death was justified. Some ponies thought that the best outcome for the world was to remove what caused it to become so sick. They were going to kill us.”

“So you killed them instead? You don’t sound any better than the supposedly evil ponies you showed me, Princess.”

“They were going to kill themselves, too.”

“What?” I blinked. “Why would they do that?”

“If there was some way I could explain it to you, Twilight, I would. Some ponies are very sick, and there are not many options to take when ponies like them were as sick as they are. There is no greater sadness in my heart than the one I felt that day. My people were divided, afraid, and without hope. I had to salvage our species. Killing the ancients secured my nation. My ponies looked up to me as a leader. But they were all sick, deep inside. Their memories would never fade, and I had to prevent the world from ending again. The history you know is a lie, Twilight. It is a lie to keep you all safe so you do not all kill each other again.

Think, Twilight. When was the last time Equestria went hungry? When was the last time my little ponies killed for profit? When was the last time you saw yellow trees in the summer, or gray smoke in a clearing? I had no other choice.”

“You could have spared them, Princess! You led your own nation, why couldn’t you lead them, too, and protect them, too?”

“They detested me. They thought magic was unnatural.”

Princess Celestia’s horn cast another spell, and we found ourselves in a gray room. None of the equipment in here was familiar to me. She took out a lightbulb and connected it to a wire, which was connected to a strange cube. It lit up, but I somehow didn’t feel any magic in the air. “This is called electricity. It is powered by purely by science, not magic. The ancients destroyed the world by using this technology.”

“How?”

“Perhaps I can show you one day. But not today.”

Once more, I felt the surge of a hook in my skull drag me somewhere in space.

When I woke up, Princess Celestia was putting her regalia back on. The journal was tucked away under her wings, and our room in the castle was clear of any debris. “Pri-“

“I know you must have many questions, Twilight, but I dare not overwhelm you any longer. Today was difficult for both of us, but know that I love you, and I will never stop loving you. Please do not share what you learned here today with anyone. It is a heavy burden to wear, I understand, and if one day you want to forget this all happened, I will be happy to rid you of your memories. I know you must be asking why. Why I never told you, why I decided to tell you now, why I hid this knowledge from the public memory. I will answer your questions in time. I just…”

A tear rolled down her cheek, and she took in a short breath of air. After all I felt and learned that day, maybe I shouldn’t have done it. But I did anyway. I walked over to her and placed my arm around her, embracing her into a hug. “I just want the best for my ponies, Twilight, and I want the best for you. If you hate me, I will understand. If you decide to commit yourself to be against me, I will understand. My hope was that you would one day join me, by my side, and share this burden with me, to rule with me. But if you choose not to, I understand.”

I didn’t reply, but I didn’t break the hug. After a few moments, she thanked me, broke it for me. She straightened her tiara, washed her tears away, and teleported out.

I felt rage. Deep anger. And confusion. I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut and to spend my day crying, wishing I had never come here, wishing for my mind to be liberated of the horror I learned. Not once in my life have I ever wished so much that I had, just this once, kept my curiosity to myself and minded my own business. But in the end, I decided I would take my time.

Many questions circled in my head. I couldn’t decide which one was the most important, or how to word any of them. What was the most important one?

I scribbled my letter on the parchment quickly, then set the quill away, and folded the paper up to put away. Having secured my response, I tucked it under my wing and walked outside, treading back to my library in Ponyville. Maybe one day, I would know how to share this secret with the Princess. Maybe, one day, I could help her overcome her fears, and help her lead.

But not today.

Author's Note

Hey, everyone, thanks for reading.

If you see any errors, don't be afraid to let me know in the comments.