Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle;
How are you doing, sis? Things are looking up here in the Crystal Empire. I am having a quiet moment, so I decided to write to you.
After all, I am always looking, and always watching. I never thought fatherhood could be so challenging.
By looking up, I mean, having to crane my neck and find that little blessing I have bestowed upon by my wife.
See, while my wife, Cadence, is princessing, I have the wonderful job of maintaining the staff’s routine, arranging her schedule, and, my most important job, raising our wonderful little bundle of joy, our dear sweet little foal, Princess Flurry Heart.
From the moment my daughter entered my life, everything changed. First off, there was the first time I had ever changed her nappy. Sweet mother of all that is unholy, what does my wife feed that child of ours? It was black, and tarry, and stuck to everything. I do mean everything! And the smell! Sweet Celestia! It took the servants two weeks to scrub everything clean that the smell touched! It was easier to simply burn the nappies than to wash them!
Then there’s meal time. My wife’s appointments are scheduled around three hours on and an hour off, to give Flurry more than enough time to nurse. Then there was the milk incident last week. I never knew an infant could projectile vomit and hit the ceiling!
The staff is getting lots of ducking practice. While I have officially disapproved of my daughter’s security detail name, “Facehugger” does make me giggle with ironic glee. If Flurry is not sleeping, or nursing, she usually picks one staff member to make their day into a trial. I have broken three crowbars trying to extricate her chosen toy from her hooves. The staff turnover after a playdate with Flurry is making my head spin. Thankfully, they started to return after a month’s leave of absence.
While arranging Flurry’s first ever Nightmare Night, I couldn’t decide on putting her into a bat costume or a Nightmare Moon one. In the end, it didn’t matter, because she was covered in a sickly sweet coating of melted candy she had gummed to death. That took a two hour bath to clean her off.
However, her training as daddy’s little huntress has paid off. She is quite agile and quick to return with a stuffed toy as her loot from a day of hunting. This lasted until my wife found out, so we no longer tell Princess Cadence all the details about our outings.
I have to go now, sis. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have made an unannounced visit. This is never a good thing.
Lots of love. Your big bro,
Shining Armor
PS: Send help!
~~~~~+++++~~~~~
Dear Shining Armor
Hey big bro! Good to hear from you again.
Everything is going fine here at Ponyville. Hearing about the antics of my sweet niece made everyone here laugh. I would expect taking care of a foal is a lot of work. I’ve include a few books on foal raising. Maybe one of them will help?
“How to neigh so they listen”
“Foal Safe - Safety proofing your home for your foal”
“Foal Lead Weaning”
“What To Expect When They’re Foaling”
“Foals for Dummies”
“Foalish Business”
“How To Raise A Filly”
I’ve also included books that I’m sure you’ll love reading to Princess Flurry Heart.
“101 Parasprites”
“Cinderhooves”
“Beauty and the Changeling”
“Snow White and the Seven Diamond Dogs”
I hope some of the books I’ve sent you will help.
With love, your sister,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
PS: Pinkie says she’s booked until Hearts and Hooves day.
~~~~~+++++~~~~~
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle
I don’t think you understand the urgency of help I need!
Princess Celestia and Princess Luna showed up and all Tartarus broke loose.
First off, the kitchens went into overdrive, to produce some of the finest, succulent meals that they have ever done. The tea room was filled to bursting as we hosted the Princesses.
That was when little Miss Mischief decided to let things go with a howl.
Now, normally, when a foal cries, I’m told that windows don’t shatter. Nor do frescos fall apart.
At least this time, the Crystal Heart was not touched. Not without some serious deflection of Flurry’s magic pulse. I’m getting quicker with my shield spells.
Once the Princesses were done, it only took the castle’s staff a month to put everything back in place.
Unfortunately, my sweet little foal decided to show a new talent - one for sneezes. Somepony decided to share their cold with us, and in the sharing, Flurry got it.
We now have a whole series of new doors and new hallways thanks to her sneezes. It was easier to add a door, than it was for us to repair the walls she blew out. Honestly, we’re running out of castle to modify.
With love,
Shining Armor
PS: Are you sure Pinkie Pie isn’t available?
~~~~~+++++~~~~~
Dear Shining Armor;
Yes, I’m sure. Pinkie Pie is extremely busy.
Your Sister,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
~~~~~+++++~~~~~
Dear Twily;
Send everything you have!
Princess Flurry Heart doesn’t just have a cold! She has a full on cough, cold, and snurffles. Every time she coughs, sneezes, or makes some other bodily function, let’s just say it’s indescribable.
Every single wall in her room is covered in slime. The staff comes in wearing hazmat suits just to bring the food trays. I’m told that once Flurry’s over this, it shouldn’t take them too long to sterilize everything. Meanwhile, I’m stuck here with her, behind several layers of security for everypony else’s safety. I think it’s been two weeks since I last saw my wife in anything but a full hazmat suit!
Seriously though - do you think burning everything down is an overreaction?
In the last week, I have been covered in snot balls, flying fecal fragments, vomitous debris, and all sorts of things I never thought would have come out of a foal.
Mayday!
With love,
Shining Armor
Author's Note
So, I posted a little thing in the author's chat, and this was what I got...
Damaged - "She has been tainted! " maniacal laugh
Cross Lament - "Flurry is hard to keep track of...One of us. One of us..." :laughing:
And from that, came this...