Chapters It was a typical Summer day when the stranger appeared.
For Ponyville, a typical Summer day meant perfect weather: a few clouds for decoration, enough sunlight to raise the air slightly above room temperature, and a light breeze to tickle your feathers. Days like these generally made Fluttershy nervous, because they were the only kind of days on which monster attacks would occur.
On this particular day, Fluttershy awoke just before dawn. In addition to the scheduled weather, a note on her calendar indicated that Ponyville was nearly a week overdue for a major disaster. After living in Ponyville for many years, Fluttershy had learned to prepare for these sorts of contingencies. Just to be on the safe side, she intended to get her shopping done early. This would help her to avoid the potential hassle of something like Ponyville's dam bursting or perhaps a giant rampaging muffin.
So Fluttershy left her home at the crack of dawn, when most other ponies remained snug beneath their quilts. When she arrived at Ponyville Square, the vendors were still setting up shop.
"Morning, Fluttershy!" said Roseluck, from where she was putting her flower stall together. "Lovely day, isn't it?"
"Oh, good morning Rose," replied Fluttershy, with a smile. "It certainly is lovely, thanks to ponies like you."
Roseluck blushed, even though Fluttershy hadn't intended it as a compliment.
Crafty Crate's stand was already set up. Crafty was a no-nonsense sort of pony who preferred business to socializing, and on occasion Fluttershy found him to be intimidating. Crafty didn't like ponies dilly-dallying around his wares, so she had learned not to approach his stand until she was ready to purchase. However, today Fluttershy was only looking for one product. That made things much easier.
"Hello, Crafty," said Fluttershy as she walked up to the fruit vendor's stand.
"Heya, Shy. Lookin' for any fruit today?" the large pegasus asked her. Crafty cleared his throat, then unceremoniously spit a cherry pit out of his mouth and onto a nearby patch of grass.
She glanced at his wares and sighed with relief. There were plenty of cherries available, which meant there was no lesson for her to learn at the moment. Fluttershy didn't mind her lessons, of course, but surprises tended to make her feel a little anxious.
"Yes, please. How much for a dozen cherries?" she asked.
"Two bits," said Crafty Crate.
Fluttershy removed her coin purse from her saddlebags and set it down on the stand before opening it. She upended the purse, and out fell exactly two bits. There had been no need to check her money before leaving for market, of course. Little details like that took care of themselves.
As Fluttershy took her cherries in wing and placed them in her saddlebags, she turned around just in time to see something very unusual. An earth pony with a coral pelt and dirty mane winked into existence right in front of her, without even a magical flash of light! It happened so silently and suddenly that Fluttershy initially wondered if her eyes were playing tricks on her. Nopony else seemed to notice, so Fluttershy assumed she was the only witness.
Fluttershy was tempted to ignore the stranger, but something like this would never happen without a reason . So, she steeled her courage and walked up to the mystery pony.
"H-hello there?" asked Fluttershy, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Fluttershy? " the stranger gasped, and her face paled. Then the poor thing tripped over her own hooves and landed face-down in a muddy puddle.
The pathetic nature of the stranger helped Fluttershy resist the urge to run. The other pony was female, but it took her a moment to be sure. While the other pony's muzzle was small like a mare's, it was oddly crooked. Something about her jaw seemed out of place, and her ears weren't perfectly even. Her mane was a tangled mess, and she very much needed a bath—even before falling into the mud. She wore no clothing, so at least that was normal.
The odd pony seemed to be in a state of shock. She closed her eyes and continued to lie quietly in the mud.
"Are you okay?" asked Fluttershy, crouching to speak face to face. She wondered how the mare knew her name. She was certain she'd have remembered meeting such an unusual pony.
Then again, even though Fluttershy didn't like thinking about it, she was resigned to the fact that she was now a celebrity. When Twilight Sparkle became an alicorn, her ascension broke Princess Celestia's anti-fame enchantment. Celestia had been using magic to keep Twilight and her friends free from the trappings of high status, but even alicorn magic wasn't strong enough to block fame from embracing an actual princess. Now everypony in Equestria knew that Fluttershy and her friends were the Bearers of the Elements, that they'd saved Equestria on numerous occasions, that Rainbow Dash had performed the legendary Sonic Rainboom several times, and so on. Fluttershy didn't care for being famous, but it seemed to make Rarity and Rainbow Dash happy, and that was nice.
Fluttershy shook her head to derail that train of thought and refocus her attention on the stranger. The mare had tucked her tail up between her legs and beneath her barrel, getting mud all over her haunches in the process. She had no cutie mark to speak of, and her pelt was oddly-textured. Her eyes were clamped shut and she hugged the ground defensively.
It was rare for Fluttershy to encounter a pony more fearful than she was, and it seemed obvious that this mare had a friendship problem. Fluttershy knelt down in the mud next to the stranger and gently stroked at her knotted mane. "It's okay, I won't hurt you. What's your name?"
The stranger coughed a few times, then said in a horse and raspy voice, "It's... I don't have one." She kept her eyes shut, and the muscles in her back tensed up as Fluttershy touched her.
"Oh my goodness! You don't have a name?" said Fluttershy, her voice filled with wonder. "That won't do at all. Let me see if I can draw it out."
Fluttershy reached out and grasped the pony's forehead, right where the horn would be if she were a unicorn. Then she paused for a moment in thought, focusing her mind on the Name of the stranger. After several seconds of intense concentration, the mare's Name still wasn't coming to her. Nomenmancy never failed on ponies or donkeys, so this was yet another oddity. Perhaps this was a lost changeling, thought Fluttershy.
"That's strange, I can't seem to pull out your Name. But we must call you something . I suppose I'll have to think up a name for you myself," said Fluttershy, and then she smiled. "I know! I'll call you Mercy . That's one of my favorite words."
Mercy shuddered at the sound of the word, but said nothing. Her ears lay flat back against the tangles in her mane, and her breaths were short and quick. She shivered, even though the air was balmy.
"You sound awfully thirsty, Mercy. Let me get you some water," Fluttershy suggested, very gently.
"No, it's fine," said Mercy, her eyes still closed. "Can... can I just lay here for a while?"
Fluttershy thought that was an awfully strange request. "You're not in the way, so I suppose so. But lying here in the middle of the market can't be much fun," said Fluttershy. "Why don't you come with me, and I can get you cleaned up?"
The stranger opened her eyes just a little. "If I can wait here until dark, I'll be on my way. Then you won't have to worry about me anymore."
"Hmm. I think I should go get Twilight," said Fluttershy.
"No!" yelped Mercy, her eyelids snapping open. "I mean, um, there's no need to bother her." She awkwardly shifted her legs in the mud.
Fluttershy was considering getting Twilight Sparkle anyway, when she looked up and saw Rarity within shouting distance. "Wait here for just a moment, Mercy. I'll be right back, I promise," she said.
Mercy sighed. "Of course you will," she said.
Fluttershy stood up. Since the mud had only touched her briefly and she had no lesson to learn from it, simple physics caused it to slide smoothly off, leaving her legs perfectly clean. She cantered up to Rarity.
"Rarity, I'm so glad to see you!" said Fluttershy. "I'm in the middle of a friendship problem, and it's a tricky one. I think I might be in over my head."
Rarity looked over Fluttershy's shoulder and saw the strange pony sitting in the mud.
"The disaster in the mud?" said Rarity. "That poor dear. We need to get her cleaned up immediately."
"That's what I said, but she doesn't want to move. She said something about lying there until it gets dark? And she didn't know her Name! I couldn't pull it out, so I've been calling her Mercy," said Fluttershy.
"My Heavens! Sounds like she's lost her mind. Perhaps she wandered out of Ponyville General?" said Rarity.
"I can hear you," Mercy called out.
Rarity walked up to the strange mare and studied her closely. "Darling, listen here. My name is Rarity. You are going to allow Fluttershy and I to help clean you up, and that is simply all there is to it."
Mercy groaned and planted her face in the mud, then awkwardly wiped sludge from her eyes with a hoof. "Buck," she mumbled under her breath. "I mean, buck . Wait, what did I just say? Horse apples! "
"Such language!" said Rarity, aghast. "Though in your given state, I suppose it's understandable."
"What are you talking about, Mercy?" asked Fluttershy.
Mercy shook her head. "It was a slip of the tongue. Look, if I tell you everything I know, will you leave me alone?"
"Certainly not," said Rarity.
"Oh, let's give her a chance," urged Fluttershy, kneeling down once again in the mud. "Go on, Mercy. You can tell us."
Mercy took a deep breath and cleared her throat. Her voice remained low, but lost some of the raspy quality. "I'm a secret agent on a mission to save Equestria."
"Mhmm. Of course you are," said Rarity, as flatly as possible.
Mercy turned her head away. "I don't expect you to believe me, but I need to get to the edge of the Everfree Forest so I can complete my mission."
"Well, then why don't we walk you there?" asked Rarity, pointing toward the forest. "It's about a mile in that direction; you can't miss it."
"Rarity!" admonished Fluttershy. "I'm sorry, Mercy, but you really don't want to go there. The outskirts of the Everfree is a very dangerous place, even during the daytime."
"I know, and I accept the risk," said Mercy. "This is a life-or-death mission. The fate of Equestria hinges on my success."
"Hmm. Well, if you really do have a quest in the Everfree, I believe our friends can help you," offered Rarity.
"No. I have to complete the mission alone. It's the only way," said Mercy.
"Can you tell us what the quest is, at least?" asked Fluttershy.
Mercy shook her head. "It's top secret. And I would walk there, but I'm unsteady on my... on my hooves, right now. And I don't want anypony to see me..."
"I'm afraid it's a bit late for that, darling," said Rarity, raising a brow.
Mercy blushed and winced. "I mean, I don't want them to see me naked, " she whispered.
"See you naked? But why not?" said Fluttershy.
"Fluttershy, that is a very personal question," said Rarity. "Mercy, please allow me to speak with my friend in private for a moment."
Rarity pulled Fluttershy several hooves away and whispered to her. "Fluttershy, this pony is completely insane."
Fluttershy pursed her lips in thought. "If she's crazy, then this is almost certainly a friendship lesson, not an adventure quest. I'm not sure a friendship lesson makes sense, though. What would the lesson be?"
"You have a point," said Rarity. "And her story certainly sounds like an adventure quest. Still, my bits are on friendship problem, even if the lesson isn't clear yet."
"But what if she really is on a mission to save Equestria?" asked Fluttershy. "We might need to hurry."
"You're right. We need to get Twilight," said Rarity. "We should just take her to the castle and clean her up. If only she weren't so mule-stubborn about it!"
"Why do you think she needs clothing?" asked Fluttershy. "If anypony could guess, you could."
"Well, she must be embarrassed by her body. She doesn't have a cutie mark, for one," Rarity pointed out. "Her muzzle looks a bit crooked, too. Imperfect plastic surgery, or else she had it broken during some unusually valuable lesson."
"You know, for a moment I thought she was a hinny. But her body proportions say pony," said Fluttershy.
"Yes, definitely some breed of pony. No amount of nip and tuck can give a person the natural leg-to-barrel proportions of a pony," said Rarity.
"But her Name won't come out, Rarity," said Fluttershy. "Do you think she might be a changeling?"
"Now that would be the saddest example of a changeling I've ever seen," said Rarity. "I suppose it could explain the lack of a true Name, but then her appearance makes no sense. Why would a changeling want to look like such a terrible mess, let alone request clothing? Let's face it, Fluttershy, we simply don't know what we're dealing with yet."
Rarity turned back toward Mercy and put on a large, less-than-genuine smile. "Alright then, dear. What will it take to get you up and moving?"
"Maybe... a cape? Anything that can tie about the neck and belly," said Mercy. "A tarp would be fine. Or, maybe just a box with a hole in one side."
Rarity gasped. "Heavens no! That would be an insult against fashion itself!"
"I'm not trying to star in a fashion show. I just need to get to the forest. Then I can give the box back to you," said Mercy.
"We should really clean you up first," said Fluttershy.
"How about a robe. Would that do?" asked Rarity.
"If it's long enough to cover my... my rump," said Mercy. "Like, my tail and legs too. I don't want to ruin a robe if a tarp will do, though."
"Well, just so you know, darling, nopony can see anything back there right now, even if they were rude enough to look," said Rarity. "Your haunches might be mostly visible, but your backside is completely covered in mud. Be that as it may, I'll go ahead and fetch you a long robe."
As Rarity trotted off, Fluttershy knelt beside Mercy. "Everything's going to be just fine, you'll see," she said, wearing a bright smile.
"That's what I'm afraid of," said Mercy, and she tucked her chin back into the mud.
When Rarity found Twilight, Applejack was with her, and so the herd grew. Five ponies walked slowly toward the treeline, one of them filthy and covered in a large white robe.
"You can't be serious," said Twilight Sparkle. "You're in no condition to go on an adventure quest."
"I'm walking there, aren't I?" said Mercy, slowly leading the group to the edge of the forest. The cotton robe that encircled her body covered her form, but did little to disguise her muddy hooves or matted mane.
"You're still a complete mess under that robe. At the very least, you could shower and groom before saving the world," said Rarity.
"Look, Mercy. I understand that you have some kind of top-secret mission to complete. But if you want us to take you seriously, you need to give us more to go on than this," said Twilight. "Everything I've heard so far tells me you need to be admitted to the hospital for observation."
Mercy tried walking a little faster, but slowed down again when she nearly tripped. "I can't give you any more details or it would jeopardize my mission. Look, can't you just, cast some kind of spell or something, to prove I'm telling the truth?"
"Lemme try," said Applejack, and she stood in Mercy's way. "Mercy, look me in the eyes, and tell it right to my face. If'n you try to yank ol' Bucky McGillicuddy, I'm gonna know."
Mercy seemed nervous. She looked past Applejack to the forest. It was nearly a stone's throw away.
"Okay," said Mercy. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, then opened them and stared straight into Applejack's.
"If I don't complete my mission, it will be bad for Equestria," said Mercy.
"Why can't we help you?" asked Applejack.
"You can't help me if you don't know what the mission is," said Mercy.
"And why can't you tell us that?"
Mercy took a deep swallow of air. "Because if you knew what the mission was, it would jeopardize my chance of success. I'm certain to succeed if you let me enter the forest alone. I'm certain to fail if you know too much."
Applejack squinted, and then her face hardened. "That's 'cause we'd try to stop you, now ain't it?"
Mercy closed her eyes and collapsed onto the ground. "Please, just let me do this one thing! It's so important. I'm... I'm begging you," she whined.
Fluttershy sat down next to Mercy and lifted her chin. "Mercy, you can barely walk, and the Everfree Forest is filled with creatures that would tear you apart. You can't honestly expect us to let you go in there alone."
Mercy's eyes watered, and she wiped her cheek with a grimy fetlock. "I know," she said, sniffling.
Twilight tiptoed into Mercy's field of vision and crouched in front of her. "Actually, Mercy, there is a spell I'd like to cast. I'd like to use magic to see into your mind," she said.
Mercy's eyes widened. "No! Please, please, no," she gasped, shaking her head vigorously. "That would be a terrible mistake..."
A few tears began to trickle down Mercy's cheeks. Fluttershy frowned and gently stroked her mane, while Rarity looked nervously off to the side. Twilight grimaced. Applejack seemed completely unfazed, though the intensity faded from her face.
"It's okay, Mercy," said Twilight Sparkle, "I won't be looking at any of your memories, so your secrets will be safe. I only want to see what you see, and feel what you feel, for a few moments."
"Twilight, are you certain it's a wise idea to enter the mind of a pony in this much emotional distress?" asked Rarity, her brow deeply furrowed.
"It's perfectly safe. It can't hurt either of us," said Twilight, dismissing Rarity with a hoof.
The defeated pony lay on the ground and cried softly as Fluttershy gently cradled her head, but she said nothing. For a minute, neither did anypony else.
Finally, Twilight spoke. "Okay, I'm going to take that as a yes."
Applejack glared at her friend. "That ain't no 'yes', Twilight Sparkle, and you dang well know it," she said, punctuating her statement with a sidelong spit.
Mercy's tears stopped flowing. She looked exhausted. "I... I don't care anymore," she croaked, her voice soft and hollow.
Twilight looked over at Applejack. Applejack sighed and shrugged.
Twilight's horn glowed magenta with her magic aura. Then Mercy's eyes glowed with the same aura.
Seconds later, Twilight Sparkle screamed.
Books were piled high all over the floor of the castle library, and about a dozen were currently floating in midair. Twilight's jaw tensed and she rubbed her bleary eyes as book after book took a turn below her muzzle.
"Twilight, I think maybe you need to get yourself some shuteye," came Applejack's voice from just behind her.
Twilight jerked her head up to see Applejack and Fluttershy standing next to her. All airborne books tumbled to the floor. "Oh! Uh, hi, girls. I, um, didn't hear you come in," she said, with a pained smile. "Just doing, y'know. More research."
"We're sorry to startle you, Twilight," said Fluttershy. "We just wanted to touch base on Mercy's friendship problem. Rarity is staying with Mercy in the hospital for now. We didn't want to leave her alone, even though she's being restrained—"
"Beg pardon for the interruption, sugarcube. But, well, is 'she' really the right word...?" asked Applejack, her muzzle scrunched up.
"According to Rarity, it is," said Fluttershy. "I trust her judgment."
Twilight nodded. "Yes, Mercy is female. I felt it while I was inside her mind," she said, and visibly shuddered. "Either way, I doubt her friendship problem is related to her gender. That sort of thing isn't exactly rare in Canterlot, and it's well-documented in the literature."
"Good enough for me," said Applejack. "So, any luck with the book stuff?"
Twilight Sparkle shook her head as she levitated the fallen books two at a time, uncreasing pages and returning them to the stacks. "None. I have no idea where Mercy came from, but it must be a terrible, terrible place."
"Oh, we don't know that for certain," said Fluttershy.
"Fluttershy has a point. Maybe she's just plum crazy, and that's that," said Applejack.
"Well, she's obviously sad . But there's no record in the history of Equestria of a pony suffering so much from being sad that she'd actually try to... Ugh, I can't even say it!" said Twilight.
"End her own life," said Applejack, in a matter-of-fact tone. Fluttershy closed her eyes and lowered her head.
"I mean, there isn't even a word for it in the dictionary! " said Twilight, throwing her hooves up in frustration. "It just doesn't add up. It goes against evolution, against horse sense, against pony nature itself! What friendship lesson could that possibly teach us? What could it teach her? "
Applejack looked down at the floor, and she spoke with unusual softness. "I dunno, Twilight. But, maybe it ain't all that far-fetched. Ponies sacrificin' to save those they love ain't unheard-of," she said.
Twilight had a look of confusion on her face as she stared at her friend, and then her eyes widened. "Oh my gosh. Your parents," she said, covering her mouth with a hoof. Fluttershy opened her eyes and lifted her head slightly, but said nothing.
Applejack removed the cowpony hat from her head, and held it over her chest. "I tell you both, not a day goes by that I don't wonder what the lesson was s'posed to be. One moment they were here; the next they were gone," she said. "I know how they died, but I still don't know why . I spent most of my life tryin' to figure it out. I never thought about hurtin' myself, of course, but I'm sure as sugar I ain't never learned nothin', neither. Sometimes, well... maybe there just ain't no lesson there to be had."
"No. That's impossible, Applejack. I don't want to live in a world like that," said Twilight Sparkle, grimacing.
"Neither does Mercy," said Applejack, and Fluttershy winced.
"There's always a lesson, AJ. Someday, it will make sense, I promise," said Twilight, reaching out to grip Applejack's shoulder with a hoof.
"My steadfast hope," said Applejack, replacing her hat. She placed her hoof on Twilight's and smiled for a moment.
"Girls?" asked Fluttershy, ducking her head. "I might have, um... something to add..."
"Please, go right ahead," said Twilight Sparkle, returning to all fours.
"Well... Mercy's actions might seem strange to us, but they're not that unusual in the Wild. That's where she was headed," said Fluttershy.
"Are you sayin' there's critters in the Wild that try to hurt themselves?" asked Applejack.
"Not exactly," said Fluttershy, "but things are different in the Wild. Most normal animals become vicious, just like monsters. Areas not under pony control have their own rules. There are still lessons, of course, but they're not obvious like they are here in Ponyville."
"Fluttershy, how do you know all this?" said Twilight Sparkle. "You're afraid of the Wild just like everypony else."
"Which is just good horse sense, by the way," added Applejack. "Goin' into the Everfree without the buddy system is a recipe for disaster, 'specially at night."
"Not all of the Wild is as dangerous as the Everfree. I've spent a lot of time in the Wild, observing nature. Mostly when I was younger—I was a bit of a rebel in my youth," admitted Fluttershy, with a blush.
Applejack and Twilight Sparkle briefly exchanged a look.
"Well, I'll have to take your word on it," said Twilight. "There's very little written documentation on the Wild because few ponies dare to visit unless they're colonizing, and that's an intentionally quick process. I should probably sit down with you sometime and pick your brain. Zecora, too."
"Hold up, now," said Applejack. "Fluttershy, how could Mercy's condition have anything to do with the Wild? She was in Ponyville when she tried headin' into the Everfree. If she was around ponies, the Wild shouldn't have been able to affect her, should it?"
"I don't know. Maybe she's been apart from ponies for so long that instincts from the Wild still live inside her," said Fluttershy.
Applejack held up a hoof, opened her mouth, and paused a moment before she finally spoke. "Girls..."
"Yes?" Twilight and Fluttershy replied together.
"Forgive me for sayin' this, but... Did you ever stop to consider that maybe Mercy was right? About her mission, I mean," said Applejack.
Fluttershy held both forehooves over her muzzle.
"Applejack, that is not funny," said Twilight, with a stern expression.
"I ain't funnin' ya, Twilight," said Applejack. "What I mean is, maybe she ain't so crazy after all. Maybe she was sacrificin' herself to save others, kinda like I said."
Twilight paused to think. "She isn't a corrupted changeling or some kind of equimorphic curse. She's just a pony. It's clear she's not from Equestria, but she's still a very sad pony who needs our help. Her existence here isn't going to doom the world, no matter what she thinks."
Even though the door to the library was closed and her two friends were the only others present, Applejack leaned in toward them and gently whispered, "You sure we can afford to take that kinda chance?"
"Applejack! " gasped Fluttershy, as she backed away in horror. Twilight's jaw dropped in shock.
Applejack blinked a few times, and then her head recoiled back as though trying to distance itself from where the words were spoken. "Oh, sweet Celestia no. I, I don't even know where that came from," she said. "I can't believe I just said that."
"It's... okay," said Twilight. "This phenomenon has been highly stressful. I've caught myself thinking strange things too."
Applejack frowned. "Now, you don't think Mercy bein' here has something to do with that..."
Twilight shook her head. "No, I don't. Listen, I saw inside her mind, and I felt what she's going through. She's just like us, Applejack. The only difference is that she's suffering. She's suffering in ways we can't possibly imagine or understand."
"Thank the Stars for that," said Applejack, mopping her brow with the back of a hoof. "But if we can't understand this thing, what can we do to fix her up?"
Twilight Sparkle sighed. "I haven't found any spells that would work in the long term, at least not without awful side effects like total amnesia or being turned to stone," she said. "On the medication side, the doctors are trying standard treatments on her, but I find it highly improbable that standard malaise medications will alleviate enough of her depression to make a measurable difference. This is quite literally uncharted territory. We'll have to go experimental, both with magic and pharmacology. Until we succeed, she's living in Tartarus, so to speak."
Then Applejack said something, but Fluttershy wasn't listening to the conversation anymore. She was staring into space, lost in thought.
Fluttershy knocked on the hospital room door. Rarity opened the door, looked behind her briefly, and stepped outside into the hallway.
"How is she?" asked Fluttershy, as Rarity shut the door.
"Not well," said Rarity. "They've been keeping her on small doses of narcotics to help with the mental anguish."
Fluttershy cocked her head to the side. "Won't that make her addicted?"
"Eventually, yes. But the doctors don't know what else to do," said Rarity, with a shake of her head. "Fortunately, I managed to at least get them to put one of the special long-bodied gowns on her—you know, the kind that tie at the ankles."
Fluttershy thought for a moment. "Oh right, the... thing," she said, with a blush. "Twilight thinks it isn't related to her depression, but I'm not sure."
"I'm inclined to agree with Twilight," said Rarity, her voice hushing to a whisper. "There are other symptoms, for one. Mercy says things to herself when nopony is in the room with her."
"What kind of things?" asked Fluttershy.
"Horrible things, Fluttershy—things I cannot possibly bear to repeat. Suffice to say, Mercy appears to loathe herself as much as any pony could possibly hate another pony... and possibly more," she said, with a slight frown. "Don't worry, though. She won't say anything when she knows we're out here."
"Rarity, why don't you go home and relax for a while? I'm planning to stay here at least until nightfall," said Fluttershy. "I want some time to talk to her alone."
"Good luck, darling," said Rarity. "It's been difficult for me to get a peep out of her. She doesn't want to talk about her illness, or even think about it. Can't say as I blame the poor thing." Rarity yawned tiredly, and her shoulders slumped a little.
Fluttershy hugged Rarity warmly. "Get some rest," she said. Rarity nodded and began trotting down the hall.
She opened the door and looked at Mercy in her bed. Mercy opened her eyes just long enough to peek back at Fluttershy, then quickly snapped them shut again.
Fluttershy shut the door behind her and walked up to a bedside chair. "Hello, Mercy," she said.
Mercy was lying in a special bed with rails on the sides like a stretcher, which allowed her to be strapped down by her ankles in four-point restraint. This was a precaution designed to protect a pony from self-injury. It had been intended only for short-term use with ponies experiencing a passing psychotic episode. Mercy's case was a unique exception. Her eyes remained closed and she offered no response.
Fluttershy scooted her chair up to the bed and began gently petting Mercy's forelock. Her mane of sienna and silver was slightly curly, and rather pretty now that it had been properly cleaned. Mercy didn't look much like the pony Fluttershy had stumbled upon yesterday, except for the lines of desperation and exhaustion etched on her face.
After a few seconds of petting, Mercy opened her eyes. "Please don't," she whispered.
Fluttershy removed her hoof. "Why not?" she asked.
"I don't deserve your attention," said Mercy.
"No, you do," said Fluttershy, as she frowned. "Rarity told me about the things you say to yourself when you're alone. Why do you hate yourself, Mercy? Please, help me understand."
"It's not under my control. The words just come out of my mouth. I know what I'm saying is wrong, but I can't help it," Mercy explained, and she pulled her four legs helplessly against the cuffs that bound them to the bedrails. "I keep remembering tiny mistakes I've made throughout my life, and they're overwhelming."
"So you really do know that you're not worthless or terrible?" said Fluttershy, wrinkling her brow.
Mercy closed her eyes. "Yes, I do. But knowing and feeling are two completely different things. And I'm still certain Equestria would be better off without me. I don't belong here, Flu—" she said, stopping short. Mercy glanced at her unwelcome friend, then looked away from her as she said the name. "Fluttershy."
"What if I could convince you that you belonged?" asked Fluttershy, reaching out to grasp Mercy's hoof.
"Please don't," said Mercy. "I don't deserve your compassion."
"Oh Mercy. You do , and deep down you know it," said Fluttershy.
Mercy sighed. "It doesn't matter, because that isn't how I feel . I'm going to start crying if you keep touching me," she said.
Fluttershy withdrew her hoof. "Crying can be a good thing, but I'll respect your wishes," she said. "As long as you talk with me about yourself just a little longer, okay?"
Mercy rolled her eyes. "If you really cared about me, you'd let me sleep," she mumbled.
"You have plenty of time for sleeping," said Fluttershy, in a gentle tone. "First, I want to understand why you want to..." she added, then made a pained face.
"Kill myself," said Mercy.
Fluttershy pressed her lips tightly together for a few seconds before speaking. "Yes."
"I don't know what more I need to explain," said Mercy. "I feel like I'm a worthless stain making Equestria worse just by being here."
"But you know that feeling is wrong, Mercy."
Mercy stared at the wall as she took a deep breath, and then she looked up into Fluttershy's eyes, just long enough to say it. "It hurts," she whispered.
Fluttershy leaned back and slowly nodded. "That's what I thought. Not being alive is attractive because it would stop the pain."
"If I contributed something by being here, it would be selfish to want to die," said Mercy. "But I don't. That means it's the right thing to do. You'll stop wasting resources on me, and I'll stop experiencing... this ."
"That's why you like to sleep, too. It hurts to be awake?" asked Fluttershy, tapping Mercy's barrel with a hoof, over her heart. "In here, I mean."
Mercy nodded, and frowned. Her eyes watered a little. "If I'd only been strong enough to walk away without any clothes on..." she said, as her voice trailed off.
"Mercy, may I tell you a story?" asked Fluttershy. "It's a story I've never told another pony, because it's a sad story about animals. Most ponies know how animals act in society, but they don't know much about how they act in areas of the Wild. It's all very different from what you see in books. Animals behave more like monsters, and some of them even eat each other."
"That's how it works where I come from," said Mercy.
"Oh good, then this story should make sense to you. You see, in areas of Equestria controlled by ponies, animals are all nice to each other and live as vegetarians. Only monsters are carnivorous. The lessons life prepares for you are easy to identify and understand," said Fluttershy. Mercy squinted and her mouth hung open slightly, but she said nothing.
Fluttershy smiled wanly and continued. "I'll always remember the day I first discovered what animals were like in the Wild," she said. "I was very young at the time. I was watching a blue jay, when suddenly a snake attacked him! There was a fight between the snake and the blue jay, and the blue jay lost. The snake gobbled him whole, which killed the blue jay. I had never seen an animal die before. Have you ever seen an animal die, Mercy?"
Mercy shook her head. "Not unless you count insects. I've seen plenty of dead animals, but I've never witnessed one die. I like animals, so seeing a bird die would be... a little unsettling."
"Oh yes, and it was! I felt just awful inside. I had recently earned my cutie mark for working with animals, and I never imagined that animals could act like this! I didn't know they fought, and I certainly didn't know they killed or ate each other," said Fluttershy. "So I sat there and tried with all my might to figure out what the lesson was."
"The... lesson?" asked Mercy.
"Yes, you know. The purpose of the experience. Why did it happen? Why did the blue jay have to die, Mercy?" asked Fluttershy. "It must have happened to teach me something, and to teach the snake something, and to teach the blue jay something. That's why everything happens. But the blue jay couldn't have been taught anything, because now he was dead."
"I don't know," said Mercy, and she shrugged as best she could with her legs strapped to her sides. "Maybe there doesn't need to be a lesson? The snake was hungry, and the blue jay wasn't fast enough to get away. It's sad, but it's how life works. In the Wild, at least."
"At first, I too was worried that there might not be a lesson. But deep down, I knew that was impossible. So I spent a very long time thinking about what had happened, and I finally realized what the friendship lesson was. For the snake, the lesson was nothing more than a meal, but meals are still important. However, for the blue jay and for me, the lesson was about kindness ."
"Kindness?"
Fluttershy nodded. "You see, it all happened very quickly. The snake needed to eat something. The blue jay had been injured in the fight, and then the snake swallowed him in a flash," she explained. "The blue jay would have passed out very quickly, which greatly limited his suffering. It was on that day that I learned one of the most valuable lessons of my life: kindness can take many forms."
Then, Fluttershy smiled as she unfastened Mercy's restraints.
Mercy stiffened, her eyes wide.
"Would you like me to help you remove your IV and the catheter?" asked Fluttershy.
"You... you actually want me to kill myself," whispered Mercy, as her eyes darted back and forth. "Okay. Yeah, that's... that's how it should be."
"Goodness no! That is the last thing I want, Mercy," Fluttershy said, slowly petting her cheek. "But keeping you strapped down in this room is not kindness, and I want you to have a choice ."
The patient stretched her legs awkwardly, exercising stiff joints, and she closed her eyes. "O-okay. Unhook me then," she whispered in a quavering voice. Mercy's eyes were shut tightly and flecks of wetness rested at the corners. Fluttershy maintained hoof contact with Mercy's face. She could see and feel the tension within her muzzle.
"No. Not yet," said Fluttershy.
Mercy opened her eyes and stared down at the bedcovers. She took a deep breath and exhaled deeply before speaking. "Ah, right, the catch," she said. Her voice rang with sarcasm, but Fluttershy could feel the tension fading from her cheek and jaw.
"It's not really a catch. If you ask me to, I'll leave you as you are. I won't tell hospital staff that you're no longer restrained," she said. "If I do, you'll have to remove the tubes on your own. It won't be very comfortable, but considering what you're already going through, I have no doubt you can do it."
"Well, I'll get blood on the sheets and floor, but it would clot quickly. I'm too clumsy to kill myself, so once I'm free I'll still need to get to the forest. It would be easier if you helped me. What do you want?" she asked, still averting her gaze. "I mean, if you want to see me beg, that's fine..."
Fluttershy reached down and cupped her hoof beneath Mercy's jaw, gently tugging it upward for a moment to make eye contact. "Don't be silly—I don't want to see you suffer. All you have to do is convince me you're certain this is the right choice. If you can do that, I'll help remove the tubes, walk you out of the hospital, and right up to the edge of the Everfree."
Mercy sat up in the bed and snorted. "That's impossible. I can't convince you killing myself is the right thing."
"Um, well, that's not quite what I said. You only need to convince me that you're sure this is the right decision."
"Oh. Well, my problem is making things worse for everybody—er, everypony, I mean," said Mercy.
"You're not making things worse for anypony. You're the one suffering, Mercy, not us."
"But I am suffering. Isn't that worth something?"
"If you give us a little time, we'll probably find a solution. It's true your condition may be something we've never seen before, but Twilight Sparkle is very resourceful with magic," said Fluttershy, gently placing a hoof on Mercy's shoulder. "And if necessary, she could turn you to stone until we have a cure. That way you won't have to suffer."
"It doesn't matter. What happens if you do find some way to 'fix' me? I'm a stranger. I don't belong here," she said, looking down at her hooves.
"Well, do you want to go back to where you came from?"
Mercy stared into space for a moment. "I wouldn't be much better off there, and I love this place. So, no."
"You think you don't deserve to be here, don't you?"
Mercy nodded. "Yes. That's exactly right."
"If we can fix you, you won't think that anymore," countered Fluttershy.
She lay back down in the bed. "Then I..." Mercy started, then paused, just thinking.
Fluttershy waited patiently, while stroking Mercy's forelock. This time Mercy didn't move to stop her.
"Okay. I'm okay with being... fixed, " Mercy said, lying back onto the bed. Her muzzle scrunched up tightly and she took short, shallow breaths.
"I'm so happy to hear that," Fluttershy said in a soothing tone, with a bright smile. "May I ask why?"
Mercy closed her eyes and stretched her legs back into the restraining position. "Well, 'fixing' me is almost making me a new person."
Fluttershy nodded. "I see. It's close enough to dying, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
Fluttershy sat in thought for a moment, gently stroking Mercy's barrel. Mercy didn't try to stop her, but her ears lay flat and she stared up at the ceiling.
After a quiet space of time, Fluttershy smiled again. "Mercy, I may have a solution you're going to like."
When Fluttershy arrived in the throne room, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, and Applejack were already there.
"Hello, girls. Where is everypony else?" asked Fluttershy as she took her seat.
"Rainbow's got Wonderbolt trainin' today, since she missed yesterday while on assignment," said Applejack.
"And Pinkie Pie is with Mercy right now," said Twilight. "I thought it would be best to leave them together. I can catch Pinkie up on the details later."
Rarity smiled. "You really must see her with Pinkie, Fluttershy. They get along famously together. Mercy's even learning lessons now."
Fluttershy smiled back, and nodded. "Oh, that's wonderful. And honestly, I'm not surprised. I think Pinkie Pie can relate to Mercy's depression," she said. "But how is she doing, otherwise?"
Twilight sighed. "Well, your idea worked. Temporary amnesia has greatly improved her mood. I'm not sure it will help in the long run, but at least it's a stopgap," she said. "In the meantime, she seems like any other pony. We might even be able to pull forth her nomenmantic Name soon."
"Course, 'Mercy' seems to fit her well anyway," added Applejack.
"Fluttershy, are Mercy's past experiences truly that nightmarish?" asked Rarity, her brow slightly furrowed.
"After getting to know her, I don't think so," said Fluttershy, "which is why Twilight is right about the solution being temporary. As Mercy forms new memories, even good ones, she'll probably start to feel sad again."
"Exactly. There's something wrong with her brain," said Twilight. "Amnesia helps because she dwells on minor details of her past experiences, not because her past is highly traumatic. Ignoring the ethical conundrum of giving her amnesia of any sort, there's no telling when her condition will start to degrade again. It could take years, months, or merely weeks."
"We can't keep blankin' her noodle every month or so. That ain't livin', not by anypony's reckonin'," said Applejack.
"Even if she never worsens, as a long term solution I don't think it's right to block any of her memories," said Twilight. "Even if they're highly traumatic."
"Um, well... it's what she agreed to," said Fluttershy. "It's what she wanted."
Twilight shook her head. "No. How is she supposed to retain friendship lessons without access to her memories? I won't accept any memory loss as a permanent condition. Not if we have any other options."
"So, what if we don't?" asked Applejack, raising a brow.
An awkward silence permeated the room.
Rarity made a tiny, fake cough before speaking. "Well , at least we have a lot of time to figure things out," she said. "Thanks in large part to Fluttershy's efforts, and the clever idea she came up with."
"Ain't that the truth," said Applejack, with a grin. "And not just the idea, neither. I sure couldn't of done that kinda poker play. I ain't exactly good at fibbin', even if it's for a good cause."
"It was a brilliant but dangerous risk that could have ruined what little trust she had in us," said Twilight. "It would have been really awkward if Mercy had called your bluff about letting her leave the hospital."
"Of course," Fluttershy said softly, with a blank but serene look upon her face.
