Life as a Pony: Chronicles

by Tray Hunter

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Zecora, Doctor Whooves, Lyra, Original Character, Octavia, Bon-Bon
Length: 7578

A set of short stories, revolving around the charcters of my other fic called "Life as a Pony"

In this series I will tell you the most interesting stories about the characters of Life as a Pony. Not only my main characters, also the ones that help them on their journey.

As always, feel free to suggest anything youÂ´d like to see. You can also send me a PM if you have any good idea for an episode, but note that it should be a refference to an event or pony seen in LaaP. What sense is there in making a sidestorie, when there is no mainstory about it? ;)

Published 2011-11-30 21:58:50 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-10 18:07:38 UTC

The Loft

The Loft

By Tray Hunter
Edited by DoctorBrony

"That's amazing!" Lyra literally yelled into the empty apartment, getting an echo off of the high clean walls. It was just what she imagined. A large living space, wide windows, and it was right in the center of Manehatten. And still high enough to blend out the noise of the streets below.

But there was one essential detail the mintgreen unicorn forgot about: The rent was too damn high!

"Please, I'll have the first rent in a week! Can you please wait one week before you give it away? Please!" she plead the owner of the loft.

The owner just shrugged and said "Well, since you are the only one interested in it in the first place, I sure can wait a bit..."

Lyra's eyes widened. She tackle-hugged him and swung the earthpony around in joy.

"...but..."

Suddenly she stopped and looked at him in surprise. What did he mean with ‘but?’ Was there another pony? Was he going to sell it to somepony else?

"...I can't guarantee for anything. If you're not ready to move in by 11 AM next Thursday, the loft is gone for you!"

She thought for a second. Could she really get the money in time? And how would she accomplish to pay the monthly rent? She had no real income, just the few bits she earned when she played in that passage in front of the motel she lived in. Suddenly her train of thoughts rolled through Courageville, and it was taking all passengers. She made it thus far without looking back and she would go even further!

"Gentlecolt, you got yourself a deal! I'll get the bits and move in before you can say 'yackedy-yack-yack'! You'll see!" with that she galloped out of the door leaving an unamused colt behind.

"Yackedy-yack-yack.”

"Alright, Lyra! You’ve got a goal! Get the money and move in!" she thought while she cantered out of the building and right onto the sidewalk.

The city was quite busy that day. The only thing to be seen were taxi-chariots and occasional wagons. From time to time a pony with bow tie and briefcase would dash beside her, but she was determined!

*****

"What do you mean, you don't take amateurs? I studied at the royal Canterlot Institute of Music! I, sir, am no amateur! You are the amateur!" she yelled at the owner of the theatre. It was the tenth theatre that had rejected her and her lyre in four days. The other five didn't even let her try.

"Urgh, those fancy Trotway theatres don't see talent when it slaps them in the faces!" she murmured as she cantered back home. Nopony would give her a chance to earn money with the only thing she was really good at.

As she arrived in her dusty motel room, she picked up a tattered newspaper and crossed the last theatre off her list. The mare had to think of something. She barely had enough bits to stay in her current room and there were only a few days left. But the musician was still focused on her target! Once she had the loft, everything else would just fall into place!

After all, nopony wants to hire a musician whose lyre smells like the old and dusty apartment it originated from.

That’s right. She found it, resting on a table when she moved in a little more than a year ago. It felt like destiny back then. She, the only lyrist she knew, finds a lyre just laying around in the middle of a cheap motel room.

But now it seemed as if said destiny tried to bind her to her apartment. The thought of being stuck in here forever was even more unpleasant than the thought of living on the streets. And let me tell you, she’s had experience with being stuck in places she didn't wanted to be in in the first place.

She slammed a hoof on the ground and yelled "No! I won't give up! I'll get this loft and become famous!" She opened the window (which was the only source of light in this less than mediocre apartment would ever have) and shouted at the noise of the big city "You won't get me down! I will have this loft and you'll not stop me!"

A single passer by in front of the motel answered "I ain't gonna stop ya, Ma'am." and cantered on. She shot him a confused look as the pony moved around the next corner and started to make plans on what job would get her the desired loft.

The next day Lyra paid a visit to the pizza restaurant on her street to see if they had a job for a musician down on their luck. Luckily, they were indeed looking for a delivery mare. She signed in, got her uniform, and started her first tour of duty in the large city.

"It's gotta be around here somewhere!" she thought out loud as she cantered along giant manors in the high society part of Manehatten "Why would somepony with that much money order a pizza from a restaurant at the other side of the city? They better give an adequate tip!"

She arrived at the designated building. It so big, it could host a draconian bachelor party. "I guess this is it." As she made her way through the garden she noticed some Neighxican gardeners, cutting the bushes and trees. Although she had none to low skills in gardening, she envied them for having at least a source of regular income. She arrived at the front door and looked back. The way from the entrance was so long, she couldn't even see the street anymore. Or maybe it were just the high walls and artificial bushes that blocked her sight. One or the other.

She rang the doorbell and a pony opened the grandiose front door.

"Yes?"

"Speedy Pizza. Your delivery." Lyra looked up from the order and looked in the face of the mare. She knew her way too well, for she was her fierce rival since her first day in Canterlot.

"Well, if that isn't little Heartstrings. How are you holding up my dear? Do you still play that miniature harp?"

Heartstrings! That was the name they were calling her when they didn't remember her REAL name. They couldn’t even remember the proper name of her favorite instrument! Well, either that or they wanted to mock her for having the smallest instrument in the whole institute. Most times she didn't care about that but when they drew a poor sketch of her, making out with a lyre on the front page of the institute’s newspaper, it was enough to make her cry for days. Not that she was a pony to tear up easily. Not at all! She was tough. She was brave. But some things were simply too much for her to just lay aside.

She looked into the mare's eyes and tried to play it cool. She would just ignore the insults.

"Octavia, just pay and I'll be gone! 20 Bits in all."

The earthpony just giggled with one hoof over her mouth, her eyes sparkling in joy about Lyra's demise.

"Oh, look at that. What a sweet little uniform you got! They even gave you a matching baseball cap, Heartstrings. How does it feel to finally be dressed proper?"

Back then at the institutes prom night she was the only pony without a fancy dress. She just couldn't afford one. They’ve been mocking her ever since.

"Just pay already! I have better things to do than talk to the most annoying pony in all of Equestria! So..." she looked right into her eyes and grinned "...why don't you go and strangle your over-sized violin a bit more, huh?"

Confused by the sudden counter of the unicorn she backed up a bit and hoofed her some bits "There! Keep the change" she said in a mocking tone "You'll need every bit of it!" And with that she took the pizzas and slammed the door shut. Lyra went through the payment and smiled. That up-tight jerk just gave her 50 Bits! In her thoughts she already decorated the loft.

*****

"You are fired!" her supervisor said as she entered the restaurant.

"What? But I delivered just in time and-" she stuttered.

"Your first customer just called in and complained about being insulted and threatened by you! We at Speedy Pizza can't tolerate such rude behaviour!" He cantered over to her and shot her a disgusted look "Get out of that uniform! You are a shame tor us all!"

"B-but...I-I...need the b-bi-" she tried to counter but suddenly it felt as if her heart just broke into pieces. Why would a mare do something like that? Octavia had just smashed her chances to get that loft AND her reputation at her favourite restaurant.

She galloped home, tears in her eyes blocking her sight. It was a miracle that she didn't run into the traffic. Not that she would've cared. She was done with everything! The loft, the restaurant, everything!

Short before the motel, she ran into something. As she got up again, she saw a big blue box in front of her. A door opened from within and a brown colt looked out of it. "Uhm, sorry Ma'am. You don't happen to know which tim- I mean place this is?"

She sobbed and waved a hoof behind her and sobbed "That’s Manehatten! City of broken dreams!" A few tears dropped from her face. He looked at her and put on a concerned face. "Is something wrong? Did you hurt your head on the Tardis? If that’s the case, I'm very sorry for that! Here, maybe this will help you." he reached behind him and pulled an old book out. He blew some dust of it and gave it to her "Maybe you can make some sense of the scribbles of that bearded old pony. Anyway, sorry and good day!"

She looked up and yelled "Wait! Who are you?"

"Just a Doctor." he smiled and closed the door behind him as the booth disappeared.

Not believing her eyes, Lyra got up and looked for any trick mirrors or fake bottoms. After about five minutes she decided to get home and have some sleep. Maybe it was just her overworked brain playing tricks on her.

*****

The next day she woke up and cantered over to her window and sighed "Another day, another broken dream!"

She turned around and saw the book that the strange pony gave her, resting beside her lyre. She took a closer look at it. The cover read 'The Memoirs of Starswirl' in big red letters. As she opened the book, she found a note on the first page.

Thank thee for all that inspiration my friend
Alons-y, my friend

S. the B.

"How in the hay is that supposed to help me with my money problem? It's just the diary of an old pony!" as she went through the pages a few of them fell out of the book. When the unicorn looked at them her eyes widened and a bright grin covered her face.

One of the pages was labeled 'Spell for one-way exchange of thoughts'. As she read it she realized the complexity of the spell, but felt relief when she found out how simple it would be to cast it. All she had to do was concentrate on the melody explained on the page and she could hear the thoughts of other ponies. Although she wasn't sure how this would help her to get the loft, it was a start.

With new hope in her heart and a new tune in her head she left for the door, determined to get things done!

It didn't take her long to find a chance to try her new spell, as everypony was up and busy this morning. The first test subject was a stressed looking business pony with a briefcase for a cutiemark. Although she didn't understand anything of stock market affairs, she could hear everything he seemed to think. The next one was a big stallion in a black business suit and a pair of sunglasses.

'I once had two bunnies. Now I have twelve! Must have invited their friends.'

She chuckled a bit at this, still astonished at how well the spell was working. As she made her way towards the center of the city she heard all sorts of funny or interesting thoughts in her head.

'If you take two muffins and smash them together, does that make them a supermuffin?'

'Gotta hurry! Houses to sell! Sell or be sold! I'm not obsessed with work! Sell house! Seeeeell!'

'Maybe if I go to college I can conquer the world and become a god just like the princess! And then I will decide when I have to go to bed! That would be totally awesome!'

'I sure do love this song -I'm a twenty first century digital mare! I don't know how to read but do I look like I care?-

She made a mental note to listen to this song when she had some free time on her hooves. Suddenly a voice yelled from the other side of the street. It was one of those gambler ponies who tried to fool others with some cheap card tricks. That was her chance to put her new ability to the test. She cantered over to him and asked if she could try.

"Oh, sure, Miss. You just shuffle the deck and then I will guess the card you draw. One game is just ten bits, but if you win you can double them. So what do you have to lose?" he asked with a sly smile on his face. She took the the deck and shuffled it with her magic, scanning his brain while doing so.

'It's so easy! Nopony ever notices the traffic mirror behind him. These foals!'

Lyra grinned and placed the shuffled deck on the small table he had placed on the walkway. Without even looking she took a card and placed it topside down beside the deck "Alright! Now you guess!"

He broke out in sweat and started to look over to the mirror as he used to. What should he do? After a few seconds he gulped and said, "3 of Hearts?"

The mare gave a short laugh and turned the card "Ace of Spades! I guess you owe me 10 bits, huh?"

He looked at her, a frightened look on his face. He hadn't had the money and so he decided to do what every caught trickster would do: Run like the wind!

As he galloped away Lyra yelled after him "Hey, best out of three?" Then he disappeared behind a corner "Guess that’s a no." she laughed. She looked on the table and took the card with her as a souvenir. "That’s the only card I need!" the mare thought happily as she cantered on.

She tricked another two gamblers and made about 40 Bits before noon. Then she decided to get something to eat. Luckily, Manehatten was full of restaurants.

"Welcome to Hays'n'Hays. What will you have?" the pony behind the counter asked. She decided to get some haycookies and sat down on a bench in the corner. Of course, soon ponies would start to whisper about her strange sitting style, but she was used to that. Lyra's eyes went through the restaurant as she spotted a giant jar full of bubblegum. She cantered over to it and noticed a sign saying 'Guess the number of gum balls and win 10,000 Bits!'

Her eyes widened. With that money she could buy the loft! Well almost. At least she could stay in there for at least one year and would still have enough money to decorate her new apartment properly.

She began to count but as it was a jar, there are always the ones one can not see. The unicorn decided to stick to plan b and check if anypony in the restaurant had a clue.

'1,2,3,4,7,...Damn it, now I can start all over again!'

'I wonder if I get the gum if I guess right.'

Then her concentration fell on one of the employees, cleaning one of the tables.

'If one more pony asks me if I know how many gums there are in, somepony gets hurt! Where did the old coot get them in the first place?'

She cantered over to the pony and asked "Old coot?"

The employee turned around and said "What do you mean, Ma'am? I know some old coots around here but you'll have to be a bit more precisely."

'Oh my, I'm sure she means the old Wingkings! Was I thinking loud? Did she hear me?'

The unicorn smiled "I'm looking for Wingkings. Is he around?"

He looked at her an unbelieving expression on his face "Wingkings? He's not here today. Not sure where he could be, Ma'am."

'That old geezer is probably in the park feeding my payment to that damn ducks!'

Lyra grinned widely and dashed out of the door straight towards the park in the center of the city. Or as some ponies would say, the central park.

*****

If you’ve never been there, you couldn't possibly imagine how much old ponies could fit into the central park. Especially on a Wednesday afternoon. She searched everywhere, scanned everypony’s brain and interrogated every duck that looked satiated in the slightest! Unfortunately, these ducks were neither talkative nor cooperative.

As the sun began to set behind the skyscrapers, she sat on a park bench feeling ready to give up.

"I will never find that Wingkings!" she thought, a small tear forming in her eye "And I will never get the loft! I will die old and desperate in my tiny motel room!" she cried "Those stupid gum balls! Stupid Octavia! *sob* Stupid city!"

Suddenly a voice made her look up "Oh little Miss, are you alright?" she shook her head and buried her face in her hooves. The pony sat next to her (the way that everypony except Lyra would do) and laid a hoof on her shoulder "Do you want to talk about it?"

She took a deep breath and looked at him "I need to find a pony to get to know the exact number of the gum balls so I can win the prize and move into that loft I always wanted!" she sobbed. "And I only have until tomorrow!"

"Do you know the name of that pony?" he asked as calm and quiet as possible. His voice really helped to pace the mare. She sobbed one more time and answered, "Yes, I heard his name is Wingkings. I was told he was in the park, feeding ducks."

The other pony chuckled a bit at this "The Old Wingkings? From Hays'n'Hays?" Lyra looked at him in surprise as the stranger continued "I don't think you will find him in THIS park."

Her eyes cracked wide open "What do you mean? Where can I find him? Quick! My future loft depends on it!"

He giggled "He's probably in his personal amusement park in Bel Mare, feeding his pet ducks." he shot her a concerned look "I'm sorry, but I don't think you will make it there in time." Every hope she had about winning the money and moving into her beloved loft shattered before her inner eye. She would never get out of that dingy motel room! She would never become famous! She would never be happy again!

Suddenly the stranger got up and offered her a hoof "I could use a drink and judging by the hay your going through, you should probably join me."

She hesitated but then she got up and they left the park "Just a little warning: Don't try any funny stuff or anything, dude!" she stated "My barn door doesn't swing that way!"

After a night of excessive alcohol abuse and a minor coma (including a major blackout) she awoke in her room. As she looked around she noticed a black briefcase with something shiny laying on top of it. As she got up and took a closer look at it, she noticed that the object was in fact a golden medal. On it were large blue letters reading '1st Prize at the 28th annual Speed-Drinking-Contest of Manehatten.'

She chuckled at this "Looks like at least my second special talent got me somewhere." She opened the briefcase and her jaw hit the table. Inside of it were hundreds of 100 Bitbills and a few photos of her drinking in a dark, smokey bar with hundreds of ponies cheering at her. She went through the money and started to count. After five checks she was sure (and mindblown). Lyra, the small musician from Canterlot, had just won 50,000 Bits within one single night! And she couldn't even remember how she did it! Suddenly she smiled widely "It's time to move out!" The mare took her lyre, the book she had from that stranger, and (of course) the briefcase and galloped out of the door towards the city.

*****

When she arrived at the apartment building, she rang at the bell of the owner and dashed upstairs.

"Uh, Miss Lyra?" he stuttered as the mare stood in front of his door. She laid the briefcase before him and opened it.

"There! That should be enough for the first year!" she smiled. He sighed and countered "I wanted to contact you about the loft. I know I said I would wait but..." suddenly the door of the loft opened and a gray mare stepped out of it

"Oh, little Heartstrings! How is your job at the pizza restaurant going? Oh, right! You got fired! Haha."

Lyra stared at her for a moment before Octavia stated, "If you would please excuse me, I have an apartment to decorate." With that the earthpony shut the door behind her and went back to work. Lyra on the other hoof glared at the owner.

"You said you would wait! We had a deal!" He backed up a bit and stuttered.

"B-but her friends are in the city council! S-he said if I don't sell the loft to her, she would make sure me and my whole family would never get a job in this city ever again!"

The unicorn mare sighed and said in a calm tone "It's alright. You had no choice." she took the briefcase and left for the stairs. The stallion asked her what she would do now. She turned her head around and looked at him.

"Back in the Institute of Music, somepony told me about a small village near Canterlot." she smiled "I guess that place is as good to start over as every place else."

Flirting for Foals

Flirting for Foals

by Tray Hunter
edited by DoctorBrony

Ponyville, Equestria
2 Months Before Ticks' Arival

"You need a mare." Lyra stated dryly. Shocked, the stallion opposite her across the kitchen table attempted to spit his coffee in her face. Already awaiting a reaction like this, she had brought today's issue of the Equestria Daily up to shield her from his improvised shower.

"What do you mean? Mare? I just asked you what you're going to do today!" the pegasus countered, trying to change topics. The unicorn lowered her newspaper and leaned over to him, whispering

"That’s why you need someone else to hang out with! Me and BB need some time to be alone once in a while! Also, it would be a great way for you to blend in if you are still worried about being discovered."

"Who’s going to be discovered?" Bon Bon asked as she entered the kitchen. Lyra threw her hooves up in surprise and looked around as if she had been caught stealing. Then she looked into the mare's sleepy eyes and sighed.

"I just discovered how wonderful you look with that sleep mask and ear protectors around your neck." she smiled sheepishly.

The earthpony shrugged and smiled at the compliment. There were some things about her friend she would never understand. For example: how one pony could be so loud In her sleep "Anyway, Good morning Smokey. Whatcha gonna do today?"

The pegasus turned in her direction and smiled in relief "Good morning. I don't know, maybe I'll see if Big Mac needs more help with the orchard. Ditzy seemed a bit unhappy with my work last week."

Hey, how could I know where that Surprise lives, if these ponies don't have proper maps of Cloudsdale? It's made off clouds afterall! They are moving!

The earthpony smiled and looked at him "So, how is it going with you and the mares? Somepony you'd like to introduce to us?"

"Not you too, Bon Bon! Did you two plan this? And why are we having this discussion during breakfast? I can't argue on an empty stomach," he countered, desperatly trying to change topics "Have you seen the game yesterday? These Hoofingtons really know there way around a hoofball field."

The mares looked at each other and as their skeptic looks met, they just nodded and yelled "Get a mare!" in unison. Smokey almost fell off his chair, although Bon Bon always wondered how he or Lyra could sit on them like that in the first place. Smokey looked at them in utter shock "Does this mean you want me out? But I have nowhere to go! Please don't throw me on the street," he plead to the couple across from him.

The cream colored earthpony shot him an unbelieving look, already knowing his tactics and puppy eyes "We just want you to find somepony so we have some time to... to... clean up!" His eyes wandered over to Lyra, who just grinned and furrowed her brows in a seductive way. Suddenly she stopped, noticing the looks her marefriend gave her.

"What? Don't tell me you were serious about that. BB, we haven't-" she blushed a bit and continued under her breath, "you-know-what in a month!" The earthpony rolled her eyes and threw herself upon the mint-green unicorn, kissing and hugging her.

Smokey left as quietly as he could, using his wings to hover a few mere centimetres above the floor. He was enough of a gentlecolt to know when two ponies wanted to be alone. Although he couldn't help but risk a look through the kitchen window after he made it out of the house. He slowly peaked his head into the window but before he could see anythig, a green shimmer covered the curtains and pulled them shut, blocking his sight.

Deprived of some entertainment and his morning coffee, he decided to leave the scene and head over to Sweet Apple Acres.

"Ah'm very sorry, Smokey." the red stallion said as he bucked the last tree "But them apples need another week or so. Why don’tcha go an' check if'n mah sister has som'thin' ta do?" With that, he picked up some of the bushels of baskets that littered the ground and carried them towards the apple cellar.

"Well ah apreciate yer enthusiasm, but Ah ain' got no work fer ya today." Applejack said, preparing her waggon to go for the market "But Ah do have a cousin that’d be happy ta make yer acquaintance." She gulped. "Ah mean, maybe ya will get along jus' fine. A- Ah mean, ya shoul' meet her an' talk a bit." She sighed and stated "Well look at that, Ah can't even lie a bit."

"Is it Let's-get-Smokey-Shipped-with-Somepony-Day or something like that?" he asked in an annoyed tone rolling his eyes "Why is everpony trying to get me a marefriend?"

"Beg pardon?" the apple farmer countered in surprise "Who else's tryin' ta get ya a filly? An' how dare them think there'd be anypony better than ma cousin Red Gala!"

The pegasus sighed and explained how his hosts already tried to talk him into it. It wasn't like he would've minded a nice mare on his side but he still felt a bit weird about dating a pony. Although his instincts and preferences were meanwhile completely ponified, it still felt a bit awkward. And the fact that they were forcing him to find somepony didn't help in the least.

"And that’s why I'll pass your offering, AJ. Nothing personnel against your cousin. It’s just me," he sighed "Anyway, I'll see if I can make myself useful somewhere in town." With that he took off and flew towards Ponyville.

He didn't make it far, as he was hit by another pony in midair. As he regained his balance he heard the mare yelling at him, "Hey, look where you're flying, featherbrain! I'm on dut-" She stopped as she noticed the stallion. "Oh, it's you Smokey. Whatcha up to?"

He smiled and answered "Hey Dash. I was going to try to make myself useful, but apparently nopony has anything for me to do." He thought for a second. "You don't happen to have some work for me, do you?"

The cyan mare hesitated but then said, "Sure, you help me get those clouds from the western part of Ponyville to the eastern part." She pointed at a massive field of white fluff hanging in the sky.

He shrugged and answered "No problem, Rainbow. But can you-" before he could finish his question, she dashed off, leaving a trail of colors behind her, hence the name I guess. Smokey turned around and followed as fast as he could.

It was an uneven race. For a short while it seemed as if he was gaining on her but she just fell back and laughed in his face before she accelerated again.

Alright, you had your chance! Here comes the B!

His vision blurred and his brain took control of their shared body. Smokey's mind meanwhile wandered through his head, seeing everything as if he looked through a pair of windows.

"B! I told you I don't like being on exchange!"

A voice echoed from the metaphorical walls of his head. Oh, you think I like all that oatmeal you do all the time? Let me have some fun as well!

He sighed. "Fine, but don't screw up! I want my body back just like I left it!"

First: Your body? I've been inside here at least as long as you have! And second: You never left this body. You're just on the outer rim to unconsciousness. No big deal.

"Outer what now? You mean I'm flying in a coma?"

Yes and no. You basically are in a coma, since you can't physically react to anything, but I'm in control and I'm flying.

Suddenly a luxurious couch appeared beside him "I feel so much better now." he sat down on the imaginary furniture and looked out of his eyes, "Again, don't screw up!"

The pegasus' controlled body spun around, crashing through the clouds, when suddenly they caught up with Dash.

Alright let's see if these vocal cords are as good as they think they are!

"But please don't-" Smokey tried to stop him.

"Hey, you strangely colored, winged equine! I think I'm better than you! Try to catch me if you think you can overcome the forces of NATURE to reach my momentum!" he yelled. And yes, it was as awkward as it sounds.

While Smokey just bit into the lean of his sofa, Rainbow just queried, "Say what? Smokey? Do you feel under the weather again?" She giggled. Apparently being the best weather pony in charge brings some (terrible) puns with it.

"Please! For whatever reason you may think you have to smartflank on our... no, MY friends, could you please stop being the biggest dork these ponies have ever seen? This is my reputation you are crashing after all!" Smokey yelled, kicking against his head's inside. "I'll do whatever you want! I'd even start reading again! Or maybe you want some crossword puzzles, huh? Brains love crossword puzzles, don't they?"

"You will not stop me, you annoying little tumor!" B exclaimed. Unfortunately he forgot about the fact that the cyan mare could hear every last word. He would regret that.

"Alright, you dumb featherbrain! I thought we were friends but that’s enough!" she yelled "Nopony calls me a rumor!"

"Oh, nonono! Dash, I meant-" B stuttered short before the pegasus stopped him in midair, holding him up-close to her face.

"What did I say again about screwing up? At least she didn't hear that you called her a tumor! If she knew what that was-" the mind of the stallion stated nervously, desperately trying to find that lever to release the painkillers as his brain controlled mouth opened and started to talk

"Oh, sorry Rainbow. I said tumor, not rumor. A tumor is a piece of meat that grows inside a cancer-infected body and presses on nearby organs until the body dies."

This yielded three reactions:
- B was happy to share his knowledge with others
- Smokey seemingly tried to get out of his own head, mentally headbutting the prison of his own mind..
- Rainbow reared up and kicked his face, sending him spiraling down into the Everfree Forest

.
.
.

When Smokey tried to open his eyes to check his surroundings, he noticed that he couldn't move at all. Luckily this time he knew the reason for that. B was still in charge and was literally asleep at the wheel. He metaphorically pulled him from the metaphoric driver's seat and metaphorically took place. Let the psychological analysies begin!

Back in charge (and wondering how he could even stand with a passed out brain) he looked around. He had never been to this part of the forest. Everything seemed so... civilized and familiar. Suddenly he gasped, noticing some small flasks and a set of huge masks in a display on the wall.

"This isn't good! This isn't good at all!" The pegasus looked up and was met by a big, pony-shaped hole in the roof above him "Oh great! Trespassing AND vandalism! I just hope I can get out of here in one piece before-" as he turned around to leave he almost bumped into the figure behind him. The usually calm zebra wore a heartbroken expression on her face. And by heartbroken, I mean chest-shatteringly angry!

"Zecora!? Oh my gosh, how are you holding up ? Any good gossips lately?" He cantered back, trying to distract from the chaos but suddenly stumbled over a piece of wood and landed down on his haunches.

She took a deep breath and said, in a way too calm tone "You better have a reason to be here here, more or less! And also have an explanation for all this mess!" He never thought his first encounter with the striped ...equine(?) would involve so many unpleasant questions. He always imagined he would meet her after an exposure to poison joke which caused his legs to disappear. That wouldn't be very pleasant either, but at least a flying sausage doesn't smash roofs.

"I wasn't- I mean- Have you- B? Wake up!" he stuttered as the zebra came closer. Getting no response from his (for once pretty unreliable) thinking organ, he decided to take his guts, explain everything and apologize. As best as he could without using the words "Brain", "Couch" or "Pissed-off Rainbow Dash.”

"I had an argument with somepony after an... uhm... a misunderstanding and said pony threw me through your roof." he smiled as sheepishly as his face would let him. Would she believe him? Would she crush him with some ancient zebra-style martial arts? Would she at least ask which pony he got mad enough to be thrown by?

"You don't have to lie to me, as I heard what you mumbled about that B," she explained with a soft smile on her face "When you shattered into my hut, I was outside to collect herbs and only heard a loud *thump*. When I returned you were laying on my floor, looking quite sad and poor.”

He gulped. How much did he say? Was his cover blown? Would he have to immigrate to Mexicolt? Would the author ever stop writing in questions? And most importantly, when would B wake up to help him out of this? Most times he didn't even listen to him, but in times like that, he would've done anything for some good advice! Advice or invisibility, one or the other.

"Of brains, dimensions and terrible diseases! And moving out, after what ever a lease is."

"Great!" he said, an unimpressed expression on his face "That loudmouth talked while we were out." Smokey sighed "In which direction is the border?"

"Oh, please don't flee. No harm to you will come from me," she explained as the pegasus got up to leave. "In fact you really should stay and listen close to what I say."

"I'm listening," he said, one ear peaked up in curiosity "What's on your mind?"

She chuckled and answered "You are very brave, having very few scares. I would’nt be too surprised if you would be famous with the mares. A stallion such as yourself must have been famous with a story or two, I wonder how come I have never even heard of a colt like you?"

"Is it that time of the year already or did I forget to take off my swag last night? Did Pinkie Pie put that 'date-me sticker' on my flank again?" he turned around checking for his cutiemarks but found no offending paper of any kind.

"What is this 'Swag' that you speak?" she asked with a curious expression on her face. "Is it some plant I have yet to seek?"

"You really need to get out more. Anyway, sorry about your roof. I really didn't mean to do that. I swear I'll come back with some tools and materials tomorrow," he smiled and imitated a certain party mare's signature swear. "Maybe I can at least temporarally fix it until I find somepony with a hammer for a cutiemark."

They said their goodbyes and our black-winged hero made his way out of the forest

"Ok, Step 1: Get tools and materials. Step 2: Get her roof done. Step 3: Poke B with the pony equivalent of a Q-Tip!" He sighed, letting his head hang.

But you're not suposed to stick them all the way in! It says so on the package.

Smokey suddenly stopped, hovering in midair; Ponyville already in sight. "Well look who's back from the dead! Any last words before I stab you with a crayon?"

'Hey! It's not my fault she was mad at you!'

"Not your- Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea why I never argue with you when over ponies are around? Well, I'll tell you! On a good day they just think I’m crazy! On a bad day they think I’m rude and then they throw us through rooftops!"

The pegasus' face grimaced as B tried to distract his host with his own version of a puppy face. The puppy tick!
Come on, don't you frown. I'm sorry after all and I already have a idea to apologize by Rainbow Dash.

"And what could that be? Another insult? A brand new lesson in anatomy?" he countered, his face muscles twitching wildly. "Let's hear it!"

Duh, we get her into the Wonderbolts! Easy as that. Nothing could possibly go wrong!

*****

After talking and pleading to the three only members of the Wonderbolts they knew, they decided to give up.

I really thought Soarin’ would fall for the pie.

"That pie was a pile of wet bread with a bunch of candy dropped onto it!" Smokey sighed "Alright, we'll see Dash later. Maybe she will forgive me when things cooled down a bit."

We could still try to get her into that other flyer’s group! The Wonderbalds!

"First: I said no! Second: She would never join anypony if they weren't the Wonderbolts. Third: The Wonderbalds are a bunch of balding pegasii, overdue for their retirement who perform at amusement parks and mall openings!"

But-

"Case closed! Now let's get home before I reconsider my plan with the crayon." With that he started his way to Bon Bon and Lyra's house.

"You got what?" the candy maker yelled, skeptic of what the pegasus just said ."You know what? Don't tell me again! I'll see if we have any tools in the basement." With that she left Lyra and the shocked Smokey alone.

The unicorn looked at him and asked "B?", getting an annoyed expression and a nod from the redmaned pony. She chuckled a bit and left for the door. "I need a drink. Care to join a poor and helpless mare?" They both laughed and left for the Eatery and Drinkery.

At about 3 a.m. they cantered home. Well, at least they tried...

"Where ish we? I could've swearn that’s was da way!" Lyra said, obviously fighting to keep her balance. It was a quiet evening. Only a few crickets could be heard. Well, crickets and a pair of drunken ponies.

"Ah tol' ya we had ta tak' the othe' road! Tain' like Ah don' know ma way aroun' Pun- Pina- town!" the pegasus answered, still imitating Apple Cider's accent.

Sudenly the unicorn fell over and was fast asleep. Smokey already knew the routine. It would be hard to wake her up and help her on her hooves again. She once told him to just let her be if it came to that and he learned it was better to head that advice. Usually he would have just dragged her to the nearest park bench and look for her the next morning (Usually at the Pans-Equestria Home of Flapjacks), but this night he decided to bring her home. He somehow managed to get her on his back but after a few feet he noticed something: Drunken ponies are way heavier than sober ones. Basically because they tend to kick their carrier in the side.

"Ouch! Wouldchu please stop dat? An' hold still!" He managed to at least get her hooves still by holding them tight with his wings but he forgot about one thing: her mouth. The mare bit his neck, causing him to neigh as loud as he could. He dropped her on the ground and yelled, "What's gotten into you?" getting a muffled "Speedy Pizza *murmur* Octavia!" from her.

He rolled his eyes and sat down, thinking about his next step. He couldn't just let her lay like that. Not only because she was his friend, also because the ferocious little pony meant harm to everypony trying to help her.

"Ok, missy! You don't want to go and you don't want to be caried!? Alright! Then you will be dragged!" He took her tail with his mouth and pulled her towards their destination, getting muffled curses and air kicks each couple of hoofsteps.

"Hey! What are you doing? Let her down!" a mare's voice yelled from behind. Smokey was going to say something but suddenly the couple levitated in the air, a pink shimmer surrounding them.

"Mpfhgh!?" he stuttered through the bunch of hair in his mouth, when suddenly a unicorn stepped out of the dark, her violet eyes fixed on the pegasus "I said, let her down, you ruffian!"

When he saw her, his jaw simply dropped, releasing Lyra's tail. She was beautiful. Her pink coat was shining in the moonlight and her multicolored mane flowing in the slight summer breeze. The only thing slightly irritating about her was the angry look she shot the pegasus. Suddenly she spoke up. "What were you thinking, you jerk? You just don’t trot around and ponynap other ponies! Not as long as I am here!" She levitated the still cursing and kicking Lyra down and placed her on the ground.

The blackwinged pony's train of thought suddenly stopped "Wait! Ponynap? You think I...? I mean...Lyra? You're not from here, are you?"

She looked at the pegasus, who suddenly broke out in laughter. Confused she stuttered "N-no, I-I'm not. I live in Canterlot. But I was told there was a pony in need of help, so I came to Ponyville to save them."

"Well, thank the moon! Then you can help me get Lyra home. She’s kicked me, bit me, and questioned the sexuality of almost every relative I have."

The pink mare chuckled a bit "So, she isn't the pony Luna was talking about. YOU are in need of help!"

Smokey gasped "Luna? You mean like in “Princess Luna?” As in Woona Luna? The pony that controls the moon and stuff?"

"The same!" she smiled proudly "Sometimes when I look at the moon, I can hear her. And in all these years, she never let me down."

The pegasus stared at her, mouth agape and eyes about to pop out. This mare was amazing. She was beautiful, magical, and had a bond to his #1 all times favourite princess.

"Eh, soooo, were does she live?" she asked, popping the bubble of future plans, forming in the pegasus' head.

"Oh, just this way." He took Lyra on his back; her weight supported by the mare's levitation spell "By the way, I'm Smokey."

She smiled "Nice to meet you. I'm Starberry Burst."