Doubt

by sgt Cutting Chipset

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Rainbow Dash, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Drama
Length: 1188

What would you do if you feel that everything you have done is worth nothing after all?

When your everyday life is good enough for you, there has to be a day when your achievements you got so far crumble in just one day, and you don't have anyone for support, just a plush toy you got for years.
What would you do?

Cover art by Duskie-06
Proofread by Curious Quill and Philip Westfält
Fanfic reading by Lead Bread is available here

Published 2017-04-02 12:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-02 12:10:02 UTC

Doubt

“Be strong" - They kept telling me.
"Don't give up." - And I was following them.
"Do what you're best at." - 'They do have a good point' I thought.
"Don't show off your weak points that might be used against you." - But I was mistaken.

It was a regular work day, like any other where I worked in the office. That three story one in the outskirts of Vanhoover. Not too big nor too small.

In the office, there wasn't much chatter because everypony had work to do like customer service, inventory management or machinery maintenance. Typical office stuff.
Everything started when I was preparing my meal when Grape Popper, our manager, poked me from behind and said when I turned around,
"Chipset, the boss wants to talk with you."

I froze.

The last time I talked with the boss was about a design error I had made which had caused a huge loss for company. He had been yelling at me to the point where my ears literally hurt.

I had avoided any contact with my boss whenever possible since the incident. I didn't even have the confidence to look him in the eyes. I feared him.

"Chipset," Grape Popper asked, "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I'm overthinking again." I replied, "Do I have to go to him right now?"

"No, you don't. Just carry on with your meal," she retorted sarcastically. "Of course you have to! Now go before he gets angry at you."

I obeyed her command and headed towards the boss's office. From time to time I hesitated to keep walking and wanted to turn around and cower. At one moment my hooves were trembling so much from all that fear I couldn’t move. When I reached my destination, I knocked on the door a few times nervously. After some time came the reply:

"Come in."

I peeked my head from the door and I saw a brown stallion with a cream coloured mane sitting behind the oak desk.

I said "You were calling me, boss, r-right?"

"Yes, yes. Come here and take a seat." With some hesitation I walked in and sat on the chair.
"Do you know I called you here?"

"N-no..."

"Well, here's the thing: You and I were in bad relations for the past quarter, and the situation in company was bad as well. But that's beside the point."

“What do you mean?”

“Shh, I haven't finished yet” He paused for a bit “I gave you a second chance, which was a big favor. But you failed me this time as well.”

He sighed.

"You're fired." He said, "Now pack your things and leave the office."

I sat on the chair for few minutes to process what he said. Even when his statement was as simple as it could ever be, I still couldn’t understand why.

"B-but... Where-" I stuttered. A large tear ran down my cheek

"Cutting Chipset, do you understand?" - said the stallion louder - "Leave my office. Now."

"But-"

"Chipset!" - he had made me angry.

"Okay, FINE!" I tossed the chair into the ground and I ran off from his office slamming the door behind me.
I ran through the corridors, almost without caring about anypony in my way. I ran away from the help I was offered by my co-workers. I ran away from what I enjoyed doing. I ran away from my former self. The only thing I wanted right now was my plushie and a peaceful place.

That plushie is just a pony named Rainbow Dash. She was my emotional support when I needed it. I mean, she still is, even when I'm not in distress. Like when I’m reading or sleeping.
But a few times she was the problem. I have rejected the love I was given by mares in favor of her. They say that I love inanimate things like her, which sadly was true.

But I needed her help now.

After about a minute of running I reached my private office, entered the room taking the plush standing on my desk and went inside the large cabinet which I used to hide.

And I cried.
For the things I could not to do.
Again.

After an hour I had calmed down and stepped out of the cabinet. My co-workers were not around so I decided to do the last task I was assigned: Gather all my items, pack them up and leave the office.
So I did.
Since there wasn’t much stuff to collect, I could take them all in my bag. Only a few framed photos and a trophy of the worker of the year. And the interior of that cabinet I used to hide inside was restored to what it used to look like.
I put Dashie in my bag too, leaving her peeking out, put my bag on and I flew off through the window in my office.
I left without saying goodbye nor did we exchange any hugs. Because I felt like I didn’t deserve that.

I had flown for roughly ten minutes before I arrived at home. During the flight I lost focus on flying and almost hit a banner because of it.
After locking the front door behind myself I passed through the hall, dropping the bag on the floor while removing the plushie and placing it under my wing. Then I went inside the closet, closed the door and sat in the empty corner.
I hugged Dashie with my hooves and wings and I sat like that for hours on end.

”Why have I failed myself again…”

Making myself crying again, I was creating visions of possible futures in my head. Every one I could think of, had dire consequences.

“What am I gonna do?”

I nuzzled the plushie to calm down a bit, but my mind was still focused on the inevitably approaching tragic future. Like as if it was hopeless.

“Dashie, help me… Please…”

And as if I could do nothing about it.

“I don’t want to live like that…”

And so I cried until fatigue gave me the signal to go to sleep. So I took the plush in my teeth, left the closet and walked out from there to my bed. On the way I glanced at the clock mounted on the wall, it read nine in the evening.

“And I’ve been crying so long… Geez…” I thought.

After entering the bedroom I threw myself onto the bed without checking if the bed was made. I wrapped Dashie in my hooves and made some moves to make myself comfortable in bed.

I shed the last tear I’ve had in store. Because I was grateful that there was somepony who understands my problems and is willing to help me no matter what I’ve gone through. Even if somepony was just an inanimate object.

Thank you, for being with me.

Now, I wish I could have a better tomorrow thanks to you.

Author's Note

If not the proofreaders' help, this fic would look like mess. Seriously.
Thank you! :pinkiehappy: