Often time’s when “She”, and when I say she I do mean, her. That darkness who I let take me over. Yup I let her take me over, I now look back from what I can see and regret it, which sadly only fuels her more. Fun fact I use to be a normal pegasus from Ponyville, I know a shocker. The most terrifying thing in Equestria was a pony. But at one point I was, and even though unbelievably still somehow am. I was named Snow Feather, I worked as a weather pony, and I also looked very different as well. I was white completely white, with brown, with a hint yellow eyes. I also had, at one point a locket that my special somepony gave to me. I also wore a hoodie almost all the time, which is very contrasting compared to now. You see most of the time, she locks me away, and I honestly don’t know what’s going on. But then again, I am scared to see what’s going on. I am so, so scared, I hope Val is ok. Oh, whoever is reading this, let me tell you, you have never, and will ever meet any pony like him. He is the funniest stallion ever, he is also a pretty good charmer, he also something I wish I had, resilience. I miss the days when I was me, well almost. I almost miss it but I kind of don’t, it’s all my fault this is happening, I am so scared of what would happen if I came back? So many ponies would rightfully hate me, sad thing is, and I have no excuse. I let her take over, and I let her do so, so many bad things. For example, I remember the day she or I killed Princess Celestia. After the Great Eclipse War, that took two princesses out of the picture, it was the worst thing She could have done. It gave a bad image towards the public, She doesn’t care. She rules with an iron hoof. You know this may sound crazy, but I kind of wish I had some of Her. Her backbone, not to her extreme of course. But as of recent times I find She is becoming more extreme, I can barely surface now when I want to. I don’t know how but I was only able to surface now in a long time. I am writing this so I can be known for who I was, not who I am right now. So here’s how I got from point A of innocents too point B of who I am now. I was born day after Hearts Warming, ironic right? Anyway I was born with two sisters, triplets I think is the term. Now you might have expected me to come out cackling manacling, but I wasn’t, I was a regular filly who may have shot above her station way too much. I grew up in what any pony could consider a normal environment. I had a loving mother, an encouraging father and two sisters. I spent most of my time researching legends and tales of Equestria and beyond. One fairy tale I enjoyed particularly was called the Tail of Sombra. It’s about a unicorn that was born and raised in darkness, and eventually became the dictator of the Crystal Empire. But I wanted to study what kind of darkness could do that to a pony, and so I did. And as you could imagine, the mare who sits in the corner, reading a book on different types of dark magic wouldn’t have that many friends. But during my last year in school, at this point I got my cutie mark it’s decently pretty if you could get a good look at it, anyway I was sitting away from everyone else reading one of my nerd books, at this point the Eclipse war had just started. This colt that seemed about a year older, looked at me and seemed to turn pink, it was hilarious to watch him grow as pink as a pig as he taps on his friend to ask about me. About five to ten minutes later he trotted right up to me and I remember the first thing he said to me. Good day mate, what’s a bloke like you do’in all alone, how about you join us? That was the first thing he said to me, I will always love and cherish that moment. I still had my head buried in my books but this pegasus with goggles made me look up once in a while. I was working on a project as all that was happening; I was trying to replicate the type of dark magic that Sombra was taken by. No pony knew I was working on it, even my beloved stallion at this point. I thought maybe it could be used as a super weapon of the sorts. I was being stupid looking back at it of course, but I wanted it so bad. I wanted to feel how Sombra felt with that kind of power, I just went about it wrong in every way possible. When I was eighteen I got drafted in the war, well one of our family members were. I volunteered because my mom and dad were getting weak, and my two sisters had careers at this point. Val, the colt from earlier, was drafted as well for the Solar Republic. I remember when I was about to leave my room, then I look to the thing I made. I didn’t know what to do with it, I am so sorry for what happens next, it is ultimately my downfall. Yup, I decided to take it with me. I couldn’t leave it behind; all that time and research would have been completely wasted. That whole time I was there in that war was absolutely chaotic, the princess was trying to cope with the loss of her sister, and princess Twilight. Luna was on the other side of Equestria, trying to get the Zebras, and Griffins to join the war. Princess Celestia was a mess; she basically did nothing with us which has leaded other ponies to try being a martyr. It only led to the death of more ponies. Before my last battle, I got into a huge fight with Val. He found out about Sombra project of mine, he said I need to stop and get medical attention. My anger only grew as the conversation went on I only became more and more angry. At one point he actually seemed scared, he never has been scared his whole life. Not when his best friend died in his hoofs, not when he got shot, but when I yelled at him he looked afraid then concerned. He walked up to me and hugged me tightly and something along the lines of. Calm down and please don’t die. He went on about how much he lost and he didn’t want to lose me, and that at this point I need the help of unicorn magic. I refused and yelled at him that he didn’t understand, then he said something’s wrong. I was so angry, bad habit I get angry way to easily. But I felt something new, a flow of fulfilling energy, it felt amazing. I felt in control and powerful. I won’t lie it felt nice, and for once I felt on top of the world. For once I felt like I could do what I wanted to do, Val ran away from me. He went to get a doctor, I was so angry, I basically trashed the place. Then I left, and went to the next town over to get away from the scene. But apparently my eyes didn’t change, and ponies avoided my gaze as I went through town. I should have gotten help but my judgment seemed clouded, either that or my stubbornness decided to take a front seat, neither are uncommon for me. I walked into the town and witness something I wish I hadn’t, I wish I just walked away from the scene, but for some reason I felt I had to be a hero. A mare was in a hostage situation, it looked like a pegasus stallion had a gun up to the mares head, and he had a posse of other ponies around him, I can only assume a ransom situation. I had to do something I told myself, so I decided to try to sneak behind him. I had my gun in my hoof ready to shoot if necessary, at this point every pony carried a gun at all times, or else they were either going to get killed or worse. I went behind them as planned but what I didn’t plan was the stallion seeing me. He tried to shoot at me but missed, I ducked behind a building for temporary cover. Then I decided to fly above him, trying to blend with the night, with the black clock I was wearing. He got my wing and I was ground bound, he decided to hoof the mare to what seemed to be his right hoof mare. So he came looking for me, his gun was ready to shoot, I was trying to take care of my own injuries when he came right up next to me, this time he shoot me in a much more, critical area. That’s when the panic started to set in, I needed help. That’s the first time I heard, Her. She said she could help me and save the mare, She said I had nothing to lose. So I asked her, who she was? She simply replied her name is Itzala, at that moment is when I let her use, and manipulate me for the first time. For a bit I couldn’t do anything, She did everything for a bit. I will spare you the details and say that it was a slaughter of the ponies holding the innocent mare hostage. I didn’t care, I felt I saved her. After I got my body back I looked to the mare, she was horrified of me. I had just won the battle, and saved her, why is she so scared of me? I asked myself as I looked to all the other ponies as well; they had an expression to match her. A stallion ran through the crowd and held up a gun with his magic, he said I am a creature of Tarterus, and I should go back where I came from. I was so confused. I won the battle, I tried to make things better, yet I seemed to make things worse. I trotted in the opposite direction back towards where we were temporarily bunked. I was about to go in before I saw that Val was there with a unicorn, I wasn’t in the mood to be that one pony to walk into the room in the condition I’m in. I know he will panic and push the panic button, so I decided to just see what I could do for myself at the inn. So that’s what I did, even though the stallion at the desk gave me a pondering, he gave me a room for the night. I went to my room and immediately got in the bed to see my injuries, when I looked I was surprised. They were covered in a purple type of aura, but the injuries were healed. I hadn’t even noticed until I looked at it, it explains the lack of pain. At the time I was curious, yet I had some thinking to do. I didn’t get it, why were those ponies scared, what did I do wrong? Then that’s when She talked to me, she said I did nothing wrong, and that they were wrong. And I believed her, how foolishly I believed her. I decided to wait until the next day till I head back to Val. That night is when the nightmare’s started; they are horrible nightmares that can leave any stallion or mare broken. My time is almost up, I will try to write another letter to you, please let Val see this.
Signed Phoenix Noir
