Operation: Replace

Chapters

Briefing
Target Acquisition
Fight
Round Two
Endgame

Briefing

It was a lovely day in Ponyville. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and Twilight Sparkle was enjoying a relaxing picnic with her closest friends. She sighed in contentment as she munched on her second daisy sandwich, nestling herself deeper into the comfort of the checked blanket upon which they all sat, under the shade of a willow tree.

"Ahh, I needed this," Twilight said.

"Tell me about it, darling," said Rarity between sips of tea. "A booming business is not solely a blessing."

"It really is a mighty fine day, though," added Applejack. "I'd hate to spend a day like this working from the crack o' dawn."

Rainbow Dash fluffed herself up. "I guess I outdid myself, then!"

Fluttershy chuckled softly at that. "You sure have. My animal friends were all especially playful this morning."

"Uh-huh!" exclaimed Pinkie. "I managed to convince a bunch of 'em to play duck-duck-goose with me, even though none of them were actually ducks or geese!"

Twilight smiled. "That does sound like fun, Pinkie. Maybe next time I could—"

The sound of crackling electricity cut her off. Everypony present glanced over with wide eyes at the source: a figure now lay prone on the edge of the park, arcs of white energy dissipating from around its body.

Twilight let out an exasperated moan, her smile fading instantly.

Fluttershy blinked. "Is that...?"

"Yes. It is," Twilight said as she reluctantly stood and began trotting over. "It's another human."

As she got closer, and the charge faded, Twilight could make out his above average physique, dark grey body armor, and black cowl. After a moment had passed, he groaned and sat up, rubbing his head. "Oww... What just happened?"

Twilight cleared her throat.

The man turned around to face her, and he gasped in surprise. "Bwuh?"

"Hello," Twilight began, her tone clearly reflecting her annoyance. "and welcome to Equestria, land of ponies and friendship. Please follow me to my castle, where I've prepared a short introductory lecture which will explain your newfound situation as a Displaced human in full."

Stupefied, the man blinked at her, then down at himself, then back up at her. He shrugged.

~ 3 hours later ~

Twilight banged her face repeatedly into her desk. "Uuuugggghhhh."

Spike stuck his head around the corner, peeking through the doorway. "Twilight? Are you ok?"

She sat up, and took a slow, deep breath. "No, Spike. No I am not. My day was just ruined."

Spike walked up to her, placing a reassuring claw on her side. "I take it that 'Batman' guy showed up in the middle of your picnic?"

"Yes! Exactly! Dealing with all these humans popping up has gone from being exciting to a complete chore. And tons of them are still living in town!" She threw up her hooves. "We might as well rename the place to Humanville!"

"It's not so bad," Spike said, rubbing her reassuringly. "Besides, didn't you already write a spell that could send them back home?"

Twilight's brow furrowed. "I did. But most of them don't want to leave. They like it here, Spike. I can't just force them to go. Most of the humans haven't done anything wrong."

"But we know who's sending them here, right? That Merchant guy."

In that instant, something flashed behind Twilight's eyes. It was unmistakably the spark of inspiration. An idea of great import was forming in her mind. "Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"I just remembered something critical I needed to get done. Could you please leave me alone for a while?" Twilight stood, and strode with purpose towards her filing cabinets. "You can take the rest of the afternoon off."

Spike blinked. "Don't have to tell me twice." With that, he left the room.

Cackling with glee in the manner only a mad genius can, Twilight reached out with her magic and pulled open the drawer labeled 'Displaced Humans'.

~ The Next Day ~

Starlight hummed in thought, walking through the Everfree Forest in a state of full alertness as the light of the moon filtered between the trees. She had found a mysterious document bearing the royal seal on her bed last night, such that it had probably appeared by magic. Its contents were baffling:

Starlight Glimmer,

You have been summoned by Her Royal Highness Princess Twilight Sparkle for a clandestine meeting tomorrow at midnight sharp in the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, directions enclosed. Attendance is mandatory. Tell no one.

Starlight had a right to be confused, considering that she literally lived in the same building as Twilight and could have easily been approached in the flesh. But the matter did sound serious, so here she was.

Soon, she had arrived at the old rope bridge which spanned the canyon in front of the old palace. She had been there a few times before to browse the restored library, but never at night, and the place exuded an ominous aura. Though she stepped lightly across, the planks creaked under her hooves.

"Hey."

"Oowaugh!" Starlight practically jumped out of her skin in surprise, spinning to face the source of the voice, a human male wearing a blue cloak covered in mysterious runes. There were other bits and baubles dangling from the clothes underneath, silver trinkets painted red. She panted for a moment to calm her beating heart. "Don't sneak up on ponies like that!"

"Sorry," he said, nonplussed.

"Did Twilight summon you out here too?"

He nodded once.

Starlight sighed. "Well, I suppose we should keep moving, then."

And they did, finishing their way over. Starlight refrained from asking the man anything else as they walked single-file up to the uninhabited castle. She used her magic to open the huge stone gate, and they slipped inside.

Within, four figures were already present, sitting around an old stone table. At the head of the table was Princess Twilight, expression unusually grim. Beside her, there were three more humans. The first wore a strange mask with two symbols on it and had copper-colored armor plates over his shoulders, knees, and hips. His crimson outfit otherwise made him look like a stereotypical ninja, complete with an absurdly long scarf which somehow held itself aloft in the air like Celestia's mane.

The second man wore a red coat - its tails draping down onto the floor - over black pants and boots, and had spiky blonde hair. Circular yellow sunglasses rested on his nose. Lastly, there was a man wearing a red cape with blue hair and matching armor over his left shoulder. Strapped to his muscular body was an enormous golden broadsword with a hilt of deep black.

Waving politely to Twilight, Starlight took the seat opposite her, while the cloaked man sat in the remaining open spot.

"It seems that everyone has arrived," said Twilight. "In that case, let's get started. First, introductions. As you know, I'm Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, and the bearer of the Element of Magic."

The man with the sunglasses crossed his arms. "With all due respect, princess, I think I speak for everyone here when I ask what it is you called us here for, exactly."

Murmurs of agreement were voiced around the table.

"Patience," she said. "It will all make sense soon, more so if we introduce ourselves beforehoof. Since you're so eager, why don't you start?" she asked, gesturing with a wing.

"Sure," he said. "My name is Jared. I was sent here over a year ago, as one of the first humans to arrive in Equestria. Since then, I've been trying to live as an art and literature critic."

There was a long pause before Twilight sighed. "Oh, give them more than that, Jared! For instance, who you were turned into, and what you've been doing to help?"

Jared started twirling a finger through his hair. "Well, I went to that con dressed as Vash the Stampede, the protagonist from the Trigun anime series. So I have his body, now, making me arguably the most skilled gunman who ever lived. Trigun was my favorite show, which is saying something, considering how much anime and TV I consumed on a regular basis. Not to mention the comics and games. Put both of those factors together, and I was basically the perfect guy to help Purple Smart here round up any humans who let their newfound powers get to their heads."

"Oh, you're that Typhoon guy!" said the man with the sword. "I've seen you in the papers!"

"That's me," he said. "Why don't you go next?"

"Uh, ok." He straightened his posture a bit. "I'm Ike. I'm... not much for work, usually. Kinda dropped out of school."

Twilight directed at him a look of extreme disappointment. "I did not know that."

"Well, sorry," he said. "Not everybody likes math." Ike swept an arm down, gesturing to himself. "Anyway, Ike is both my name and this character's. My brother invited me to go to a con with him a few months back, and thought it would be funny if I went as Ike 'cause of that, even though I'd never played the game he's from. Or most others. I'm not really a fan of nerd stuff. But everypony's really nice here, so I'm not complainin'."

"Thank you, Ike," Twilight said. She then turned forwards. "Starlight?"

Nodding, she stood. "Hi, I'm Starlight Glimmer, Twilight's student. I've always been an exceptional mage, but didn't realize how much I needed the magic of friendship in my life until Twilight showed me the right path."

"God, that was cringe-worthy," commented the cloaked man.

Twilight smiled at Starlight, but Jared frowned. "What path were you on before?" he asked.

Starlight flinched away. "Short answer? The power-mad sociopath one." Seeing the looks she was now getting, she added "But not anymore! I'm all good now!"

The masked man, who had previously been completely silent, glared menacingly at her. "Good. Because otherwise, I would have to kill you."

As Starlight gasped and fell back into her seat, Twilight shot him an equally menacing glare. "She's fine, but keep up those threats and you might not be. Just save it. If you would..."

He grunted, pushing his seat back. Standing straight, he pressed his palms together and bowed. "Hello. It is an honor to meet you. My name is Ninja Slayer."

Suddenly, a series of fiery explosions went off right behind him, smoke billowing upwards.

"What the hell?" Ike exclaimed. Starlight threw up a shield reflexively as Jared shot to his feet.

"Calm down, everything's fine," instructed Twilight. They did. She then rolled her eyes. "That just happens whenever he introduces himself like that."

Upon closer inspection, the room was actually completely undamaged. "Really, bro?" said Ike, incredulous. "Warn us next time."

"I apologize," he said, sitting back down. "Before my arrival, I lived in Neo Saitama with my wife and son. However, my peaceful days were permanently cut short when my wife and son were murdered by members of the Soukaiya Ninja Clan. It was then that the Ninja Soul within me awakened, and I vowed that I would not rest until I had slain all ninja!"

The cloaked man interrupted with a long, low groan, tilting his head back. "He's staying in character 24/7, isn't he?"

Twilight sighed. "Yes. He's very committed. But effective at what he does."

Ninja Slayer nodded. "That is correct. While there are no ninja here, there is still great evil that must be destroyed."

"This news has yet to be made public, but," Twilight began, "Queen Chrysalis is dead. Ninja Slayer here, upon hearing the news that she had escaped after her second attempt at conquest, decided to hunt her down himself. Popped up out of nowhere and dropped her severed head right in front of me during breakfast not two days later."

Starlight blinked, at a loss in more ways than one. "Wow."

"And I thought murder was even more taboo here," said Jared.

"It is," agreed Twilight. "If it were anypony other than Chrysalis, he probably would have been banished."

Ninja Slayer shook his head. "I would never harm an innocent. Unless they were a ninja. That said," he began, eying the cloaked man, "Who are you?"

"Hazel," he said, leaning to the side in disinterest.

"Hazel?" asked Ike. "Isn't that a girl's name?"

"It is. When I had the extreme pleasure of meeting the Merchant, I was crossplaying as Jace Beleren. So, I'm a guy now."

Starlight gasped, placing a hoof to her mouth. "I'm so sorry. That must have been really hard for you."

Hazel waved her off. "Not really. Use whatever pronouns you want, I don't care. It's not like I was gonna romance anybody anytime soon, pony or otherwise. Only those also of the cold, empty void could ever understand me."

"So, what, you were one o' those reclusive goth chicks?" said Ike.

Twilight zapped him in the face. "Don't stereotype. It's mean and uncalled for in any context."

Ike had nothing to say to that, rubbing his singed nose silently.

"Who was this Jace character, Hazel?" Starlight asked.

Hazel shrugged. "Some mind wizard from a card game, I think? Messes with people's heads? I just saw some neat pics of the guy on Deviantart and wanted to try making the outfit."

"Oh," said Starlight. "What's Deviantart?"

Jared raised his hand in a placating gesture. "Don't get me started. It's not important right now. What is important is why Twilight called us all out here. Which still has yet to be addressed."

Twilight's face hardened. "Let's change that." She then placed her elbows on the table, hooves locked. "I called you all here because I have a secret mission for you. One which only the five of you can complete."

All around, mouths clenched into lines. All around, eyes were pointed directly at Twilight.

"The Merchant is a figure surrounded in mystery," she said. "How does he grant humans powers? How does he send them to Equestria without anyone finding out? Why does he do either of those things? The only thing we know for fact is that he abducts innocent people against their will. And that cannot stand.

"So, you will stop him. I call it Operation: Replace."

Immediately, Ninja Slayer said "I'm in."

"Wait, what?" said Ike.

Still focused on Twilight, Jared asked "Why us?"

"Two reasons," replied Twilight. "First, your powers are formidable, but not overly destructive. The Merchant presumably has access to a near-limitless arsenal of skills, and would be almost impossible to stop alone. At the same time, I don't want too many bystanders harmed in the crossfire if I can help it, so sending in someone like that 'Goku' is out of the question."

"How considerate of you," quipped Hazel.

Twilight ignored her, too busy lecturing. "Second, I trust all five of you, for different reasons."

Ike blinked. "Really?"

"Yes, really," she said. "I also had the roles each of you would play in mind, in terms of the strike team."

"Strike team?" Starlight repeated.

Twilight sighed. "Not every villain can be reformed, Starlight. You were, but not Sombra, or Tirek, or Chrysalis. We can't afford to be optimistic this time.

"As I was saying, Jared, you and Ninja Slayer can both attack at range with great precision. Ideally, a direct fight should be avoided."

Jared pondered this for a few moments. "You want me to be an assassin. Vash himself would strongly object, but in this case, I won't. I'll participate in your operation."

Twilight nodded. "Thank you." She turned to Ike. "If it does come down to a direct fight, you're the best option. According to one of my sources, your character is a warrior of peerless caliber and legendary strength. And that sword, Ragnell, can conjure blessed flames and even fell gods."

Ike looked over his shoulder in awe.

"Hazel, you're going to act as facilitator of both stealth and commutations. With telepathy, you should be able to allow everyone to stay in touch at all times. And you can alter people's perceptions so the group can remain undetected and mobile."

Hazel reclined in her chair, hands behind her head. "Okay."

With a hint of a smile on her face, Twilight finally faced Starlight. "Starlight, you're going to be leading the team in the field."

Her eyes widened at that. "Me? That's... I'm flattered, but aren't you coming?"

The alicorn's resolve wavered. "I can't. Equestria needs me: it's too dangerous."

Starlight's brow creased. "Gee, that's reassuring."

Twilight laughed twice, nervously. "Don't worry. You'll be fine. I taught you well."

"That's true."

Removing her hooves from the table, she spread her wings dramatically. "Each of you can take as long as you need to prepare. Practice, train, learn. When you're ready, we'll meet back here, and I'll use my modified return portal spell to send you to Earth, forms intact. Do you each accept this task I've bestowed upon you?"

Jared adjusted his sunglasses. "I accept."

"My answer has not changed. The Merchant shall perish!" proclaimed Ninja Slayer.

Hazel shrugged. "I've got nothing better to do."

Taking a deep breath, Starlight said "You can count on me, Twilight."

Ike cracked his knuckles. "Alright, team. Let's jam."

Author's Note

Target Acquisition

Twilight beheld the five resolute faces standing before her. "Well, it looks like everyone's here. Just to be sure, are you ready?"

Starlight, Hazel, Jared, Ike, and Ninja Slayer all nodded.

Now ablaze with magic, her horn's energies spiraling outwards, Twilight said "Then good luck."

A portal appeared, rending the air. One by one, the members of the strike team stepped through. Then, it vanished.

The group took stock of their newfound surroundings. They were in the middle of a vast prairie, one that stretched to the horizon in every direction. Swaths of farmland were ubiquitous, including the huge plot of soybeans they were standing in, broken up only by the occasional tree, patch of shrubbery, or farmhouse.

"Huh. I was expecting something much more... urban," said Starlight as she scanned the area.

"Most people do live in or near cities," said Jared. "But they all have to be fed somehow."

"They'll be plenty of time to educate Starlight when we get back," said Ike, stretching his shoulder. "I say we get moving."

"Of course," Jared agreed. "The Merchant attends fan conventions. We're highly unlikely to be near one at the moment."

Hazel snorted. "Out here in the sticks? Of course not."

"Ok then," said Starlight. "Let's go to the nearest town and find out when and where the next one is." Spying a wide, paved road nearby, she began trotting towards it, beckoning the others to follow.

"Uh, question," said Ike. "How exactly are we going to do that? Hitchhike? Because I wouldn't let a guy with a giant sword and an alien horse into my car."

Starlight turned and grinned. "Oh, I worked that out already. Right, Hazel?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"You'll see in a bit. Come on, guys," Starlight said.

And so they all walked to edge of the road. In the five-odd minutes it took them to get there, not a single vehicle had passed by. Ninja Slayer and Starlight sat down on the wild grass bordering the line of grey, one in quiet apathy, the other in quiet excitement. Jared tapped his foot in impatience as Ike paced in circles.

Eventually, Hazel spotted a pickup truck coming towards the group on the other side of the road. The others watched as she extended her arm towards it, eyes now glowing cyan. Just as it looked like nothing was happening, the driver, a heavyset man, slowed down to a stop right next to them.

The man rolled down his window and waved. "Hey, guys! What are you all going out here?"

Hazel smiled. "Long time no see, Mike! Would you mind giving us a lift?"

"Sure, no problem! Plenty of room in the back."

Jared and Starlight both wore silly smiles as they all filed into Mike's truck. It was a bit cramped, but there was indeed room for all of them, with Hazel sitting shotgun and Starlight hunkered down in the rear truck-bed.

"Where're you headed?" Mike asked.

"We were hoping to stop over in Glendale for a bit," Hazel replied.

"Well that's easy! I'll have you there in a jiffy."

With that, Mike pulled away. Starlight's mane and tail began to flap in the breeze as the truck accelerated, and she watched the plains roll by with wide eyes.

"Uh," whispered Ike. "What just happened?"

Hazel's eyes flashed blue again. All four of them suddenly heard Hazel's voice echoing seemingly from all directions. 'Ok, I just linked our minds. Now we can think directly to eachother without Mike overhearing.'

'Excellent,' thought Ninja Slayer.

'As for your question, Ike, I just messed around with this guy's memories a bit. He now thinks we're his longtime, personal friends. No big deal,' thought Hazel.

'Huh. Neat,' thought Ike.

Starlight chucked internally. 'Friendship. It works.'

'While I was in his head, I also got some info on the area,' continued Hazel. 'We're in rural Indiana right now, and Glendale is the nearest town with internet access. There's a computer in the library we can use.'

'Good work,' thought Jared. 'I know a website that compiles the dates and locations of all the major pop culture conventions.'

'Seems simple enough,' thought Ike. 'Bet you're excited to see a computer for the first time, eh, Starlight?'

'I'm trying to focus on the mission,' she thought, 'but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. Even this car is something else, although it's pretty much just a mix between a train and a carriage.'

'That's an interesting way to put it,' thought Jared.

Now that the important topics had been covered, there was a lull in their mental conversation, allowing the group to take notice of Mike again. He was busy conveying what'd he'd been up to lately, despite the fact that none of them had been paying attention. Once their attention had been freed up though, they tried to at least feign interest.

It wasn't long before the farmland gave way to small clusters of houses. They had arrived on the outskirts of town, and by all appearances was a standard country village. Passerby out doing midday chores gawked at the strange occupants of the pickup as it passed, but none had the wherewithal to confront them.

'These humans seem kinda shocked to see me,' noted Starlight. 'Should I use my magic to turn invisible?'

'That would be nice,' pondered Hazel.

'But not necessary. What'll they do, call the feds?' joked Ike.

'Yeah, nobody would believe them anyway,' Jared pointed out.

'If you say so,' Starlight replied.

"We're here!" Mike suddenly exclaimed. And indeed they were. He had pulled into the parking lot of a reasonably clean-looking motel. Surrounding the building were other businesses, including a gas station and a diner. "Figured you'd wanna get settled first. I'd host you myself, but we don't have nearly enough room at our place."

"I understand. This is great, thanks," said Hazel.

As they all let themselves out, Mike gave all five awkward goodbye hugs. Hazel returned his memories to normal as he drove off.

"Ok, come on," said Hazel, beginning to walk.

Following her lead, they proceeded to the library on foot. The other pedestrians were too stupefied to interrupt their progress. Though that didn't stop Starlight from sending out a few friendly waves.

The library itself was on the small side, not much larger than the average house, and almost indistinguishable from one were it not for the sign over the door. Once inside, it was clear that there weren't all that many books either. The sole librarian's jaw dropped as they entered.

Before the old woman could exclaim in surprise, Hazel raised her hand again. All the tension in the librarian's face slowly evaporated, and she slumped over her desk, snoring peacefully.

"Good work," said Starlight. "Jared?"

"On it," he said, making his way over to the pair of decade-old desktop computers in the corner. Taking a seat, he booted up one of the machines and set about his search.

Starlight and Ike looked over his shoulders in curiosity as their resident uber-nerd worked his own brand of magic.

"Wow!" Starlight exclaimed. "Are computers always this fast at finding information?"

Jared snorted. "This piece of junk? Fast? Mine could have dozens of searches going on at once, plus Dota, and still be faster."

"I totally need to show her an iPhone at some point," added Ike.

"Here we go," said Jared, scrolling down the page. "Let's see... too small, too narrow in subject, certainly no furries... aha! TVCon is this weekend. The Merchant is sure to show up there. Plus we're in easy driving distance: it's in Chicago, and I've got the venue address."

"Sounds great," said Hazel.

"Yeah, but how are we gonna get there, exactly?" asked Ike. "Convincing somebody to drive us to the next state isn't going to be as easy as the next block."

Jared put a hand to his chin. "That's a good point. Without full mind control, which would be wholly unethical, getting a ride will be tricky."

Hazel chimed in. "The odds trains run through here are slim, same with greyhound busses. I say we steal a car. Less invasive."

Starlight frowned at her. "Let's not do that. Or mind control; lesson learned there. We're supposed to be the good guys. Actually, I just got an idea. It might not work, but I could try and transmute us up a car."

Jared's brow rose. "You can do that?"

"Probably," she said. "I just need something of equal mass."

"What do we use, though?" questioned Hazel. "It's not like we're going to find three thousand pounds of trash just lying around."

"We won't need to," said Jared. "Starlight can just use dirt. No shortage of that."

Starlight grinned. "I like the way you think, Jared."

"I think there was an vacant lot out by the edge of town," said Ike.

"Perfect," said Starlight. "Let's go."

Upon venturing back out there, they all saw it was as Ike said: a patch of unkempt prairie grass bordered Glendale, perhaps a homestead long abandoned. After double-checking to make sure no one was watching, Starlight cast a large beam of her magic into the ground. When the ensuing flash had faded, a replica of the pickup from earlier had appeared, sitting in a uniform circular depression.

"I'll drive," said Ninja Slayer.

There were no objections, and they set off rumbling into the north. Starlight got to sit inside the car this time. The group chatted amicably as the open road welcomed them, putting thoughts of their foe aside.

* * *

Starlight looked at each of the others in turn. "I'm gonna go over the plan one more time, ok?"

They were huddled around a coffee table in the middle of a small living room in a condo (the allowed use of which was obtained by Hazel). The majestic skyline of the city, backlit by the sun, was visible though the open window.

Starlight was met with firm expressions, which she took as a yes. "Hazel, Jared, you two are going undercover to scope out the Merchant's location, keeping in touch via telepathy."

"Yep, that's what you said I was doing," said Hazel. To better blend in, she now wore a Star Trek hoodie and sweatpants instead of Jace's usual attire.

Jared, too, had a new outfit for the mission: a tan jacket with plenty of room for Vash's custom revolver as well as blue jeans. He'd also cut his hair short and removed his glasses, making him look a bit like Vash's brother, Knives. "I know my way around a con. Blending in will be the easy part."

"Ninja Slayer," said Starlight, "since you said you could, you're going to be hiding in the air vents, ready to attack with Jared once he gives the go signal."

"My shuriken will strike true," he said, ever inscrutable behind his mask.

Starlight nodded. "Ike and I will be waiting by the service entrance in the back, and will burst out to fight if things go south."

Ike fingered the hilt of his sword. "We're ready."

Hazel's eyes sparked with magic. 'It's do or die time.'

No more instructions were needed, spoken or otherwise, and all five made their way over to the large hotel. Starlight had cast a veil of invisibility on herself and Ike to thwart any cameras, and they stepped along the boulevard in single file. Cars and taxis whizzed by with the wind as they went. The area around the ten-story building was populated by other groups of people making their way to and fro, most clearly there for TVCon, but there were a few tourists and businessmen trying to ignore the convention folk. Some carried bags of fresh swag, while others were in costume and posing for photos.

The automatic, glass doors parted as they entered the large lobby, its wooden walls oiled to a shine. Even more people were inside, taking no precautions to avoid tracking dirt onto the floor, much to the chagrin of the hotel staff. Cardboard stands placed below the permanent hotel signage pointed out where to go for panels, refreshments, and most importantly: merchandise.

They went their separate ways in the crowd, with Ninja Slayer fording a path for his transparent partners down an unmarked hallway. With all the organized chaos of the convention around them, nobody noticed them slip through a door labeled Authorized Personnel Only.

Meanwhile, Jared and Hazel had begun combing through the booths in the massive dealer's room. Judging by the crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, the cavernous space usually functioned as a ballroom. But now it was packed with rows of market stands, selling videos, apparel, figurines, and handmade crafts.

It was while he was pretending to scan said wares when Jared glimpsed their target out of the corner of his eye. 'I think I've got a bead on the Merchant. I'd recognize that face anywhere. Seventh stall in the third row from the left, at the prop weapons table.'

The man in question was almost too unassuming in appearance, dressed in a white, button-down shirt and khaki slacks. His brown hair was combed over in a professional manner. Thankfully, nobody seemed to be buying. Yet.

Hazel, from the other side of the room, replied. 'I can't see from here, but that's definitely him. I've been poking around in people's heads, and whoever's standing in that position is shielded from my magic somehow. I can't read him at all, which is a first.'

'Then there's no doubt,' thought Starlight. 'Ike and I are set. Ninja Slayer, are you in position?'

'I am now. The nefarious man lies directly below me, through a grate.'

Jared narrowed his eyes, readying himself. 'Now, we just wait until I have a clean shot. Then it's open season on his ass.'

'That's not lethal, aim for his head,' quipped Ike.

'Quiet,' Starlight thought. As one, they silenced.

Jared stared sideways at the Merchant. In and out of the way con-goers moved, oblivious. The tension seemed to stretch the passage of time as all sound save his own heartbeat faded away into static. It could have been mere moments or many minutes.

And then he saw that sly smile in full.

'Now!' In one swift motion, faster than the blink of an eye, Jared spun, drew his gun, and fired.

Author's Note

Obviously, Magic: The Gathering has no soundtrack, so have the next best thing:

Fight

The bullet careened towards the Merchant, just as the shuriken was launched down from above at near equal speed. However, neither projectile reached its target, as he twisted out of the way in the instant prior.

Immediately, the innocent attendees were embroiled into a panicking mass, covering their heads and screaming as the gunshot echoed through the room. Jared and Hazel were knocked around by the fleeing people as they rushed out in a frenzy.

‘What’s happening?’ asked Starlight, frantic.

‘We missed somehow,’ replied Jared.

‘Perhaps he, too, possesses Ninja Kinetic Vision,’ thought Ninja Slayer.

‘Don’t let him escape!’ thought Starlight. ‘We’re moving in!’

That, though, was not an issue. For as Jared saw, the Merchant made no move to run with everyone else. Instead, he stood in place, still smiling. As the flood of con-goers slowly reduced to a trickle, Jared lined up his pistol again and fired three more shots, only for him to again dodge each with superhuman speed, vaulting over the counter.

Ike and Starlight burst through the rear door, blade drawn and horn charged. Hazel ran through the aisles to meet them, revolve etched onto her face. Ninja Slayer crashed through the ceiling with a shout of “Wasshoi!” and somersaulted through the air, landing behind the Merchant.

“Not going to run?” asked Starlight.

The Merchant had stepped forwards into the center of their impromptu circle. He ran a hand through his hair, and spoke. “You would chase me anyway.”

“That’s right!” Starlight confirmed. “Your days of scheming and manipulation are over!”

He feigned a gasp. “Oh, really now? Are your friends not satisfied with their purchases?”

“Of course not!” Hazel exclaimed.

“Well too bad. No refunds.”

“We seek not recompense. Only retribution!” said Ninja Slayer.

The Merchant chuckled at that, shaking his head. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I am the one who gave you those powers in the first place.”

“Yeah, without our consent!” said Jared.

“Not to mention you dropped us in Equestria, too,” said Ike.

The Merchant shrugged, rolling up his sleeves. “If it’s a fight you want, I won’t stop you. But just so you know… I’m pretty amazing.”

Hazel snorted. "We'll take your word for it."

It was there that the witty repartee ended, as Ninja Slayer saw fit to start the fight in earnest by throwing more high-speed stars at the Merchant. But he rolled out of the way with ease. Jared emptied his chamber of the final two rounds at the spot where he anticipated the Merchant would be, but the man stopped himself, and they whizzed past.

The Merchant smirked. "Nice try."

As Jared reloaded, Ike lunged forward, blade first. At the same time, Hazel waved a hand, and a box of blue light appeared around the Merchant, cutting off his line of sight. Yet Ike's blow would not land, as a small blast of white shot out of the box and hit him square in the head. He shouted muffled curse as his face was enveloped in a sticky substance.

"Ike!" cried Starlight as she quickly pulled him out of the way with her magic. Just in time too, as the Merchant had kicked out where his chest would have been. She followed up with a beam of energy, which also failed to connect.

'How is he doing that?' thought Hazel, as she ran over to help Ike with his face.

'It doesn't matter if we can get around it. Drop the illusion,' instructed Starlight. 'And we'll all attack at once!'

Hazel did so, and the Merchant, looking no worse for wear, was immediately beset by magic, steel, and lead from three directions as Starlight, Ninja Slayer, and Jared all unleashed their attacks. With superhuman agility, the Merchant leapt over all of it.

Ninja Slayer followed him into the air, foot arcing towards him in a furious kick. But the Merchant just stretched out his hand and swung away on the white line that flew out from a device on his wrist that until then had gone unnoticed.

Jared's eyes widened. 'Of course! He's been using Spider-Man's powers. That's why we can't hit him, spider sense lets him know where we'll strike before we do.'

Ninja Slayer threw a shuriken at the rope of webbing, slicing it, but the Merchant had latched himself to the ceiling with his other hand before the next one could hit him. 'Then how do we stop him?' he asked.

'With something too big to avoid,' thought Jared.

'On it,' thought Starlight.

The Merchant wheeled through the air like an acrobat, twisting away from Jared's gunfire as he covered for Starlight. "Face it. I know exactly how all your powers work. You're outmatched. " He punctuated this declaration with a quickly constructed web net. Jared was forced to dive roll out of the way, boots skidding on the floor as his eyes bored into those of their adversary.

"Take this!" Starlight's aura had encompassed the entirety of a huge booth, laden with boxes, which she hurled upwards with great force to intercept him. But the Merchant kicked out with his legs, springboarding off of it to spin and stick upside down on the roof. The strength of his legs sent it back at Starlight. Unable to get out of the way, it crashed on top of her, eliciting a scream of pain.

"Dammit!" exclaimed Jared.

Ike, now free, charged again. Once he was underneath the Merchant, he thrust Ragnell into the floor, and a column of blue flames exploded upwards. While potent, the eruption only managed to sear the building, for the Merchant had already leapt away.

Groaning, Starlight pushed the crumpled remains of the booth off of her. 'Horseapples, that hurt.'

Jared watched with a ponderous expression as his teammates continued to press their attacks, scanning the room. Hazel had summoned a huge fish-like illusion that swam through the air and hounded the Merchant as Ninja Slayer failed to connect with multiple flying karate chops. Nothing worked, and he remained unscathed, swinging to and fro.

The Merchant fired both of his webshooters at once, slingshotting himself into Hazel's fish fist-first, dissipating it into mist. Another beam from Starlight whiffed when he dove down towards Ninja Slayer as he was preparing his next hit. He managed to block the Merchant's dropkick with an arm, but was nevertheless knocked away.

Suddenly, Jared spoke through the link as he began sprinting to the side. 'I have a plan. It requires that I lure him into my position. You all have to stop attacking and look like you're given up so he takes the bait.'

'Already done,' admitted Hazel.

'If you say so,' thought Ike.

And so, they all ceased their respective offensive moves, standing in various states of dejectedness as Jared continued to run.

The Merchant easily picked up on the shift in mood, landing onto a table. "Giving up are we? How wise."

"Not me. No chance," said Jared.

"Tsk. Your loss, then." The Merchant propelled himself back into the air, quickly closing on Jared.

Letting the smallest of grins show, Jared ducked to the side, avoiding a blast of webbing, and squeezed into a meter-wide gap between two large display cases, narrowing his focus as he turned around and took careful aim.

Clearly confident he'd cornered his opponent, the Merchant banked to the side on a new line, coming at him head on. Once they had eachother in their sights, both fired. Jared's bullet struck the web holding the Merchant aloft, severing it. An instant afterwards, Jared's arm was pinned to the wall of the case by a huge burst of webbing.

Wasting not a single second, Jared's other arm suddenly unfolded, ripping open the sleeve of his coat and revealing the machine gun contained in his hidden prosthetic. He cut loose with a hail of fire in a tight circle on the Merchant. Anticipating this, the Merchant had already twisted both arms, pulling himself into an escape in the only defensible direction available: backwards. By doing so, he avoided every bullet as they screamed by.

He did not avoid the falling chandelier, its link to the ceiling also broken by the sole, perfectly aligned bullet fired from the revolver.

Dozens of crystals cut into the Merchant from above as the fixture fell on top of him. While not deep, his newfound wounds were plenty, and the Merchant howled in pain. Losing his grip, he dropped, staggering to a stop on the floor of the next row. The rest of the chandelier shattered on the tiles with a cacophonous noise soon after.

Yanking his arm free, Jared spun his revolver around his trigger finger and cocked a smile. "That's what they call an MLG strat, bitch."

The Merchant had no reply to that, but the others sure did.

'Woah,' thought Ike.

Starlight let out a whoop of triumph. 'Amazing!'

'Now's our chance!' thought Hazel.

Seeing her point, and ever eager to capitalize on his victory, Jared sprung upwards onto the display case, peppering the Merchant with another round of machine gun fire while he was seemingly distracted. At first, it looked like the bullets would pulverize the man, since he wasn't even moving to avoid them. However, they instead bounced right off his body, ricocheting right back at Jared. In his shock, Jared was barely able to avoid them himself.

'What the hell?' thought Jared.

Starlight and company were already rushing back into the fight, and they too witnessed the baffling display, prompting a more cautious approach. The Merchant just got to his feet and grinned.

Jared, too, closed in slowly on the Merchant, trying to see what it was that he did, exactly. It wasn't too hard to figure out: there was now a large white button pinned to the lapel of his shirt. The word 'MOTHER' was written on it, superimposed on a lightning bolt. His webshooters had also vanished.

'Crap,' thought Jared. 'That's a Franklin Badge.'

'A what?' asked Hazel.

'A Franklin Badge. It makes the wearer reflect all ranged attacks: at least in Smash, anyway. On the plus side, it looks like he can only use one character's powers at a time. My money's on Ness.'

Ninja Slayer snarled, pocketing the shuriken he was about to hurl.

'Seriously?' thought Starlight. 'Hmm, looks like we'll have to—'

Suddenly, the Merchant thrust his palms forwards. "PK Flash!"

A searing white light filled every corner of the room, accompanied by a squirm-inducing tone. Both faded soon after, but their effects did not.

'What was...' began Starlight, only to cut herself off with an audible gasp. 'I can't move!'

'Welp, I've just gone blind. Everything's pitch black.' added Hazel. 'Is everyone else ok?'

'I'm fine,' thought Ike.

'Me too,' thought Jared. 'Though if I remember correctly, it could have been much worse. Ninja Slayer?'

His reply was most unexpected. "Outlaws shall perish! Yeeart!" Ninja Slayer flashed towards Jared in a rage, slugging him with a punch that left him reeling.

"Ninja Slayer! What in Tartarus are you doing?" shouted Starlight.

'It's not his fault,' Jared stated, weaving around a barrage of throwing stars. 'One of the effects that move has in Earthbound is to make enemies attack eachother. Don't worry, I can keep Ninja Slayer occupied until the effects wear off. Probably.'

'Ok, so what do we do? I can't fight like this.' thought Hazel.

Ike moved his blade to rest on his shoulder. 'Nothing. I'll take that prick on.'

'By yourself?' thought Starlight, apprehensive.

'You heard Jared: we have to get up close and personal. And I'm the heavy-hitter.'

Starlight saw the resolve in his eyes and took a deep breath, wishing Ike luck as he waded into battle. However, the faint trace of optimism on her face instantly fell when she saw the Merchant. His body was wreathed in a sphere of rippling blue energy, and had apparently been as such for a short while, since what little remained of his wounds knit themselves closed.

Ike did not let this development phase him, however, and he somersaulted through the air, blade overhead. The Merchant jumped back, and Ragnell struck the floor with enough force to embed deep into it, breaking dozens of tiles in the process.

As Ike drew it back out, the Merchant rolled his eyes. 'After the last guy I expected more from you. Oh well.'

Rushing forward again, sword drawn back to slash sideways, Ike was intercepted by hexagonal waves of primary-colored energy summoned by the Merchant. He was forced to cut off his charge to block the psychic attack with the flat of his weapon, his arms shaking under the strain as they struck.

With a telekinetic backflip, the Merchant once again put some distance between himself and Ike. He fired more energy waves, but Ike was ready this time, and lit his sword ablaze. With a series of rapid motions, he sent arcs of flame to intercept them, and the projectiles canceled out on impact, bursting apart into clouds of sparks.

Jumping through them, Ike aimed to slice his foe's head off. But the Merchant pulled a large wooden baseball bat out of thin air and parried the swing.

Ike snorted. "Really? How did that bat not just snap like a twig?"

"Trade secret," he replied, switching to the offensive.

Wood clashed against metal with a grinding sound as their weapons met, pushing back against eachother: one supported with brute strength, the other with mental force. Neither of them gave an inch, their feet planted firmly in battle stances. As they struggled, the Merchant's smile never faded.

Seeing an opening, Ike kicked out with his foot, connecting with the Merchant's stomach. With an oof, he doubled over, the bat slipping out of his grasp, but it remained in the air, held aloft by willpower. Letting go of his sword's hilt with his left hand, Ike used it to grab the bat and yank it away, continuing his diagonal strike with the right. Though agonizingly close to a success, the Merchant managed to conjure a blast of intense cold from his own hands just in time, flashfreezing Ike in place.

"Thank you for your business." The Merchant began charging a massive technique as he levitated up and away, spheres of white light building at his fingertips. Not going to just take it sitting down, Ike's icy prison sizzled, then roared as a massive bonfire formed around Ragnell, melting and then evaporating it in an instant.

After that display, Ike abruptly threw his sword upwards in a huge arc, leaping up after it. "Don't thank me yet!"

The Merchant burned with power, and thrust his open palm upward. "PK... STARSTORM!"

This proclamation heralded a rain of miniature suns around the Merchant, too massive in scope for Ike to possibly dodge in midair. It was a good thing he didn't need to. For Starlight, who had been watching the whole time, moved the stars between Ike and his blade out of the way just enough with her magic to give him a clear path.

Ike watched a look of shock blossom on the Merchant's face as he grabbed his sword out of the air, calling forth every ounce of its divine power. "Great... AETHER!"

Ike let loose a hail of flaming kicks and slashes in merciless succession, culminating in an overhead chop that sent both of them to the ground in a furious explosion. The shockwave sent merchandise tables flying outwards.

Hazel and Starlight were both sent sprawling by the blast, but apart from the fresh bruises actually found themselves in better shape than before: the effects of PK Flash had abruptly worn off. Ninja Slayer, who had been assaulting Jared without reprieve, snapped back to normal, standing straight up and rubbing his head in confusion. Jared sighed in relief, showing signs of visible exhaustion.

Ike stepped out of the cloud of smoke where he'd landed, sweat rolling off his skin.

"Wow, Ike!" exclaimed Starlight. "You did it!"

"Now we just have to finish him off," added Jared.

However, it would not be that easy. For as the smoke cleared, the Merchant's figure immerged. Though badly burned and cut deep in places, he was still standing. And he wasn't smiling.

"It looks like I'm going to have to work overtime." The Merchant raked a hand down across his face, and a menacing bone white mask with red markings materialized.

Author's Note

Round Two

Before the group had time to even react to his declaration, the Merchant vanished with a rush of air and a whooshing noise. Sensing movement directly behind him, Ike only managed to spin ninety degrees to his left before a long, black katana was thrust forward with immense force, right where the back of his head would have been. Instead, the stab connected with his pauldron, deflecting to the side. What energy did transfer was enough to send Ike careening through three rows of shops and into the far wall.

Ike screamed in pain, and his sword clattered to the floor, the arm that once held it broken under the impact. The Merchant just laughed behind his mask, nonchalantly twirling his katana by the chain attached to its hilt.

Hazel blinked. 'Holy shit we're so dead.'

'He's Ichigo now!' thought Jared.

"You're next, pony," said the Merchant. His voice had picked up a menacing echo.

'Ok, Starlight, don't panic,' she thought to herself as he slowly approached. 'You have your magic this time. There's no limit to what you can do!'

Scowling, Jared fired another spray of shots from his machine gun arm while the Merchant was focused on Starlight, but he effortlessly deflected every last bullet with his blade, not even breaking stride.

Starlight saw this, and began trembling. Jared looked away in shame, as if he had anticipated the outcome.

The Merchant raised his sword, and dark energy rimmed in red formed around it. When he swung, the energy rushed outwards in a massive wave. Starlight formed the strongest shield of crystal she could around herself, one that had stood firm against even Twilight's magic, but the Merchant's power shattered it with ease. She tumbled backwards, collapsing in a heap.

"No!" screamed Ike, still clutching his arm.

'She's unconscious!' Hazel conveyed.

On a terrifying roll, the Merchant vanished again, slashing at Hazel from the side. However, rather than being cleft in twain, Hazel's body dissipated into mist.

"Hmph," he said. "You can't hide from me. I've got a two-for-one deal with your name on it!"

Jared blanched. "Oh hell, he can sense—"

The Merchant was on Hazel's true position - huddled in a ball behind an upturned table - in an instant. She flinched, unable to do anything beyond await her inevitable demise. However, the sound she heard next was not that of her own blood splashing on the ground, but a metallic clang.

Managing to open her eyes, Hazel beheld her savior. Standing over her was Ninja Slayer, the Merchant's katana caught on an armored forearm, his eyes literally glowing red with rage.

The Merchant jumped back into a defensive stance as Ninja Slayer spoke, voice deep with malice. "You have kidnapped dozens. You have harmed my teammates. You have even supplanted my own will. For these transgressions, I will end you."

"Ooo, I'm so scared," the Merchant said, deadpan. "Sorry, but I don't close up shop until five."

Ninja Slayer clenched his fists. "Naraku! Lend me all of your power! We will crush him at full strength!"

With a scream of righteous fury, Ninja Slayer exploded with energy, his armor flying to pieces. Purple, ethereal flames wreathed his hands, and his cloak had darkened to blood red.

The Merchant stared. "Well I'll be. Looks like you've managed to perfectly master the powers I gave you."

"Why the hell didn't you do that earlier?" Ike exclaimed.

Ninja Slayer ignored him, lunging for the Merchant at supersonic speed. He wove out of the punch's path, slashing in retaliation. But Ninja Slayer bent his body backwards, the sharp steel passing overhead like a limbo bar. Using that momentum, he snapped his leg upwards in a kick, only for the Merchant to have jumped just out of range.

Now having gained a new perch on the air itself, feet glowing, the Merchant charged his blade with destructive shadow again. "Getsuga... TENSHO!"

Ninja Slayer planted his feet, and the purple flames on his hands roared to life. He shoved both his palms upwards. "YEEART!"

The ensuing inferno collided with the Merchant's technique, meeting with a flash. Neither dissipated, and both men poured more and more power into the air, purple and black pushing back and forth. When it became too much, the pool of energy burst, and an enormous shockwave rocked the hall.

Once it had faded, Ninja Slayer was already back on the offensive, in midair and cutting loose with a barrage of jabs. The Merchant was slightly faster, and managed to block all of them with his sword. Whenever he saw an opening, the Merchant retaliated, but his quick cuts were also all blocked by whatever hand Ninja Slayer wasn't hitting with at each moment, the flames warding off damage.

Hazel peeked her eyes out to watch along with Ike and Jared. All three were unmoving, and wore stupefied expressions. The action was now nigh impossible for any of them to follow. The Merchant and Ninja Slayer had escalated their battle to greater intensity, and were moving so fast now, trading blow after blow, that only the ripples in the air from their motion were visible. Cracking sounds from the strikes that made contact echoed down.

Hazel rubbed her eyes in disbelief. 'Woah.'

'Ok, I really need to check out this Ninja Slayer series,' thought Jared.

A sharp ring signaled a lull in the struggle, and the pair fell, skidding apart along the ground. The Merchant held his sword with an iron grip, staring at Ninja Slayer as he panted in exertion from his wounds. Ninja Slayer stared back, equally winded, the blood from his own cuts invisible against his clothes.

"This... has been quite the negotiation," said the Merchant.

Ninja Slayer spoke, but not in reply. "I shall put everything we have left into one last attack, Naraku!" Sticking his hand out to the side, lines of light spiraled out of the air, forming into a gigantic shuriken twice the size of his body. When he grabbed its edge, it was immediately engulfed in violet fire.

The Merchant's stance wavered. "What? That's—! That was never in the show!"

Ninja Slayer snorted. "You lack imagination. Recite your death haiku, Mr. Merchant."

After a moment, he replied with an incoherent scream.

Ninja Slayer shook his head. Rearing his arm back, he hurled it with his entire body like a fastball. "Naraku... REAPER!"

A sonic boom rent the air as the humongous blade struck its target, sending up a roiling cloud of fire. Not taking another chance, Jared peppered the cloud with more gunfire. When the Merchant failed to immerge from within it even after the flames had faded to smoke, Jared allowed himself a smile.

Ike stood, ignoring the pain, Ragnell held low in his unbroken left hand. "Is it over?"

Hazel glanced solemnly over at the prone form of Starlight, then over to Ike. "I hope so."

Ninja Slayer took a deep breath, crossing his arms. The fire on his hands and in his eyes both disappeared. "Such an attack would have obliterated any ninja."

Jared sighed in relief. "Excellent. Then let's grab Starlight and—"

The sound of laughter interrupted him.

Everyone turned to its source, eyes wide with disbelief. The last wisps of smoke trailed off, revealing the Merchant, cackling in mad glee. His wounds were closing up again, the mask and katana replaced by a bright green belt with a heart-shaped buckle and dangling side loops. A golden aura surrounded him as he hovered in the air.

He sneered down at them. "Don't you people get it yet? I've just been doing the same thing I've been doing ever since I started this whole 'merchant' business: toying with you for my amusement. I was always going to win in the end."

Hazel stepped back. "No way."

"That's... that... argh!" said Ike, attacking the floor in frustration.

Heedless of the Merchant's words, Ninja Slayer threw another half-dozen shuriken at him. But as they got close, an invisible force snatched them all out of the air and crushed them to pieces.

Jared dropped to his knees. "I recognize that belt now. He's... right. We can't beat him. We never could. And now he'll kill us all."

"Then this mission was for nothing," said Ninja Slayer, crestfallen. "Fuyoko... Tochinoki... I have failed you."

The Merchant laughed once more, a sadistic grin on his face. "It looks like you finally understand. Now then, I'm going to savor this experience."

He spread his arms dramatically. "ZA WARUDO!"

* * *

Starlight rose with a start, her heart beating a mile a minute. It took her a bit before her most recent memories returned. When they did, she bolted to her hooves with a gasp. She frantically scanned the converted ballroom for signs of her teammates, but no sounds of battle could be heard.

Once she spotted them, she went pale.

The Merchant, with his new powers, had somehow completely frozen all four of them. Ike in anger, Hazel in fear, Ninja Slayer in regret, Jared in despair. Starlight could only stare, her temper rising as he ran his eyes over them in succession, as if appraising pieces of art.

He cupped a hand under Hazel's chin. "You, however," he said, monologuing, "did practically nothing. I mean, really, why did they even send you?"

Starlight shot a double-strength beam of magic at his back.

Hearing her fire, the Merchant dodged out of reflex. He spun to face Starlight.

Totally shocked, his brow was twisted in confusion. "What? The unicorn?!"

"I have a name, you know. It's Starlight Glimmer," she said, narrowing her eyes. "Big mistake, forgetting I was here."

The Merchant twitched. "I don't care! More importantly, how are you moving?"

She gestured to the frozen humans. "I was just knocked out, and they were obviously keeping you too busy to finish me off."

"No, you idiotic, technicolor friendship horse, I knew that! What I don't know is how you can act while I've literally stopped time for the entire world."

Starlight blinked. "Huh. That's... yeah. I have no idea. Maybe it's because I'm not from this world. Or because I've already splintered the timestream like a dozen times."

He blinked, then shook his head. "No matter," he replied, growling in annoyance. "I still possess the powers of the almighty Dio!"

"I don't care who you're dressed as," said Starlight stomping a hoof. "You're hurting my new friends." She began charging her horn with power.

"Well, you heard my disclaimer. If you still insist in this useless struggle, I'll crush you without breaking a sweat." The Merchant flew forwards, arms casually at his sides.

Wary of what he might do as he closed in, Starlight immediately teleported behind him. This time, she fired a shock spell in an attempt to force him to deactivate his time-stopping power. But it struck an invisible surface and vanished.

The Merchant just rotated and flew at her again. Starlight threw up another huge crystalline shield, distorting her view. When the Merchant was about ten feet from her, he landed, and her shield was suddenly beset by a barrage of impacts at blinding speed. Cracks were forming rapidly, but it held long enough for her to fire her magic through it at his face. As before, the beam didn't connect, but this time the impacts stopped for a moment before resuming in earnest.

A flash of recognition bloomed in Starlight's eyes, and her mouth formed into a resolute frown. The cracks continued to propagate as Starlight once more built up her power. Then, in that one moment-within-a-moment, the shield finally shattered at the same Starlight cast her spell, this one less of a beam and more of a spotlight.

The spell struck its target: the invisible object between the two. Starlight's pastel aura enveloped it instantly, revealing a humanoid shape. Howling in pain and surprise, the Merchant clutched at his head. A white line in the air connected him to the invisible figure, and it was getting slowly thinner as Starlight pulled.

"You... you're actually stealing my Stand!" The Merchant exclaimed, backing away against her magic. He tripped, collapsing onto his butt.

Starlight stared down at him in pity. "I was like you once. Acting out my own whims regardless of what was best for everypony. I invented this spell during that time, one that could rip away special talents. This is the first time I've actually used it to save others. Feels good, really."

Though the Merchant struggled, it was to no avail, and the white cord finally snapped. Starlight was then able to see what exactly she had taken from him: a golden man with an unreasonably buff physique, odd tubes on his back, and a wedge-shaped helmet.

Immediately, her four teammates started moving again, subsequently spotting her.

"Starlight! You're ok!" exclaimed Ike.

Hazel blinked repeatedly. "What just happened?"

"I second that," said Jared. "We should all be in various states of terminal injury right now."

Starlight glanced briefly upwards at the 'Stand' she had just acquired. "Well, the Merchant's powers didn't work on me for some reason, we fought for a bit, and then I stole them."

Jared's face scrunched up into a grimace. "Now I have even more questions!"

Ike shouldered his blade. "Later. More importantly, did you finish him off?"

"No," stated Ninja Slayer, as he vigilantly watched their surroundings. "I see no corpse, and no explosions. Clearly, the coward is in hiding. When next he acts, he shall be at our mercy."

Starlight sighed. "Horseapples, I let you guys distract me."

"It's fine. He's a stubborn bastard, probably would have vanished anyway," said Hazel.

It was then that the man in question decided to interject, voice seething with anger. "No! It is you interlopers who shall vanish!"

Author's Note

Endgame

Five heads whipped around at the sound of the Merchant's voice. He was enveloped in a bubble of shining light. Not making the same mistake for the third time, Starlight and the others each unleashed their attacks against him, but the bubble deflected them all with no visible damage.

The Merchant scratched at his head, cackling hysterically. Already having moved past anger, his face now twitched with the beginnings of madness. "I do believe I've had it! You just don't stop, do you? Too tenacious for you own good. So much so that I'm getting bored of this game. What chance you had is now completely gone, for this reason alone. You are but worms before a god, and you will bother me no longer once I will you out of existence."

Resolute glares melted away one by one as the Merchant held up his hand. Floating above it was a set of three golden equilateral triangles touching tip to tip.

'I'm afraid to ask what that is,' thought Starlight.

"H-How?" Jared stammered. "The Triforce isn't even associated with a specific character!"

He just laughed some more at that. "You thought I was beholden to the same arbitrary limits I placed on you? Please."

"That's it, then," said Jared. "We are actually going to die; for certain this time. Any last words?"

"How can you say that?" said Starlight, her voice cracking. "Is there really nothing we can do?"

Jared shook his head.

Starlight took a deep breath. Tears welled up in her eyes as she pulled the four of them into a hug with her magic. "At least we have eachother."

Ninja Slayer resisted at first, but even he caved in, and all five huddled close, hearts hammering. Despite it all, no one cried, even as the Merchant laughed in sadistic glee overhead, the Triforce steadily increasing in brightness.

"We had a good run, I think," said Ike, managing a small smile.

"Yeah, I guess we did," Starlight replied. "I just hope Twilight and the others don't... take it too hard."

"For ponies, they are strong. They will cope better than I did," said Ninja Slayer.

Hazel shut her eyes.

"Now, Triforce!" the Merchant began, "grant my wish! Shred these pathetic creatures into nothingness!"

The strike team members held their breath as the Triforce began to glow with intense radiance, permeating every inch of space.

As the Triforce vanished in a shower of glittering sparks, the Merchant's expression changed to something totally unexpected: terror. "What? No, I—AAAAAAHHHHHH!" There was a ear-splitting tearing sound, like breaking guitar strings mixed with nails on a chalkboard.

Confused, the hug broke, and Starlight, Jared, Ninja Slayer, Ike, and Hazel all stared at the Merchant. Still screaming in pure agony, his body was being pulled apart into threads of energy from the bottom up, like an unraveling tapestry. The threads flecked off into motes of dust as they fell. In moments, it was over.

The Merchant was no more.

"I don't know what I just saw, and I don't care," said Ike.

Jared stared off into the space formerly occupied by the Merchant. "Starlight, did the magic of friendship just save us?"

She shook her head. "Uh, no, I don't think so. Maybe? There are usually more rainbows involved, from what I've heard."

"Actually..."

Turning, they all stared dumbly at Hazel, who was raising her hand and smiling meekly. "That was me."

When it became clear none of them were in the condition to form words, Hazel continued. "So, I'm no philistine, I've played Zelda. And when I saw the Triforce, I started thinking, trying to remember how it worked. Turns out, it was exactly what we needed."

A look of comprehension bloomed on Jared's face, only to be immediately be replaced by a shit-eating grin. "Oh my god, you didn't!"

Hazel's smile widened. "I totally did. No big deal."

"Explain," said Ninja Slayer.

Starlight glanced back and forth at Hazel and Jared. "Seriously, how?"

Hazel chuckled. "So, the Triforce is basically a Magical MacGuffin that grants unlimited power and/or wishes. It's not that clear."

"Like the Elements of Harmony," added Ike.

"Exactly. Anyway, what's important is that the wish-granting part doesn't work like a genie lamp, it just gives you what your heart desires. That's when I realized it's not actually reading hearts, obviously, it's reading brains. And then I'm like: 'oh, yeah, I still have mind powers'. So I start to concentrate on the Merchant's head, and when his blocks go away so he can make his wish, I go in during that instant and change it. Then, poof, he's dead instead of us."

Starlight opened her mouth to say something, but was unable to form words, and her jaw slowly hinged shut.

"Wow, you totally kicked his ass, Hazel!" Ike exclaimed. He patted her on the back. "Mission accomplished!"

"We did it," corrected Jared. "Each of us fought hard to get him that desperate in the first place. And now, we can rest easy knowing that people will be able to celebrate their favorite fandoms in peace."

"Hey, Hazel?" asked Starlight suddenly, having recovered from her stupor. "Couldn't you have changed his wish to something... less lethal, instead? Like a reformation?"

Hazel pondered this for a moment, then shrugged. "Didn't think of that. Was too busy trying to not die."

"Hmm. Fair enough," she said. "It's not ideal, but I can't argue with results. You may have to sit through a lecture on friendship when we get back, though."

Jared snorted. "Heh, probably. Hopefully we can get Twilight to throw us a victory party before that."

"As pleasant as that sounds, I would elect to remain here," said Ninja Slayer.

Hazel cocked her head to the side. "Huh?"

"It appears I am the only one who noticed that our bodies retain their powers, even after the Merchant was slain," he said.

Ike looked down at himself. "Oh yeah, you're right."

Ninja Slayer nodded, making eye contact with Starlight. "As such, I wish to remain here. This world is rife with far more evil than Equestria, and with my Ninja Soul, no despot shall be safe!"

Starlight considered this. "You know what, sure, go nuts. You've earned it."

Ninja Slayer bowed to the four of them. "It was a great honor battling by your side. I wish you well in all your future endeavors. Sayonara!"

Then, he crashed through the nearest wall and disappeared.

The others ignored the gaping hole and continued their conversation. "Anyone else want to stay?" asked Hazel, looking around at the ruined space. "I sure don't."

When no one spoke, Starlight lit her horn, casting Twilight's portal spell. "Let's go home."

* * *

The portal deposited the group in the Everfree Castle, the very same place where they all met for the first time. Practically the second Starlight's hooves hit the stone, there was a flash of teleportation magic, and Twilight glomped her without hesitation.

"You're back! You were taking so long, and I was starting to fear you wouldn't make it, but you did!"

Starlight returned the hug, giggling. "We had some close shaves, but it all worked out in the end."

Jared smirked. "The Merchant was really stubborn, but nothing we couldn't handle."

"Speak for yourself," said Ike. "My arm is still broken, and it really hurts."

Twilight gasped. "Why didn't you say so earlier? I'll heal you right now!"

Then she did, her alicorn magic making quick work of the fractured bone. Ike thanked her profusely as he worked the limb to check its functionality.

Twilight looked over the rest of them for any other signs of injury, but spotted an absence instead. "Starlight? Where's Ninja Slayer? He isn't...?"

"He's fine. He just wanted to stay, and I let him," Starlight replied. "I'll give you a full briefing later."

"Yeah, later is good," said Hazel. "Can I go home and sleep, please?"

"I second that," said Ike.

Twilight smiled. In an exaggerated posh accent, she said "Very well. Your Princess relieves you."

This got a chuckle out of Starlight.

"Ok, bye," said Hazel in a monotone as she walked towards the exit.

Jared rolled his eyes. "Wait for us, why don't you?"

Shrugging with her wings, Twilight trotted after her. "Come on, you three. Let's optimize our time and talk as we walk!"

At that, Ike, Jared, and Starlight jogged to her side. Twilight addressed the latter with an utterance of "So, what happened?"

Starlight sighed. "More like what didn't happen. Where do I start..."

* * *

"And so, in the end, the only power which could stop the Merchant... was his own."

Applause filled the castle foyer as Twilight finished her speech detailing the recently concluded events of great import. Hundreds of ponies, and many of the remaining Displaced, had turned up for the 'special celebration' she had announced. In Equestria, secret missions only stay as such until their completion. Now basking in recognition for their achievements, Jared, Hazel, Ike, and Starlight stood off to the side on the erected podium and waved.

"For their bravery, these four heroes, and Ninja Slayer, will have a statue sculpted in their honor, the first to be placed in this very room!" proclaimed Twilight.

Another round of applause echoed around the crystal walls. Pinkie Pie stomped the loudest, right in the front row next to her best friends, including Spike. Fluttershy was cringing a bit from the enormous noise as Rainbow Dash tried to dampen her enthusiasm to Rarity and Applejack's polite volume.

"Moreover," Twilight continued, "a new window depicting their actions will be commissioned for the Hall of History in Canterlot Palace!"

"Hey, that's cool and all, but I thought we would get boons. Can we get boons?" asked Jared over the crowd.

This prompted a bout of laughter from the Ponyville attendees. Twilight, meanwhile, huffed. "I was getting to that! Since you're so eager, you can go first."

"Great! I want you to help me reinvent the Television."

She beamed at that. "You just needed to ask. I'm always up for science!"

Next was Hazel. "Can you let me stay in your castle? Please? Derpy Hooves is a nice mare, but... not the best roommate."

Derpy reluctantly nodded in agreement from the fifth row.

"No problem! I look forward to having you! Ike?"

Ike placed his hand on his chin in thought. "Uhh... I can't think of anything. Bits?"

"That's an easy one," replied Twilight, bemused. "But ok. And last but not least..."

Starlight looked up at her fondly. "I already owe my life to you, I really couldn't ask for more." Then, she grinned. "That said, I think you've been slacking off, Twi. Today makes two in a row for me. At this rate, I'll have saved Equestria more times than you!"

Twilight snorted. "It's not a contest." Rolling her eyes, she spread her hooved for a hug. "Come here, you."

Starlight gladly did so, practically galloping over as both mares giggled. However, Starlight also beckoned over the others with her free hoof. "Get in here, guys! You're my friends now too."

Ponies and humans cheered and whistled in jubilation as the three Displaced, one unicorn, and one alicorn awkwardly embraced onstage, smiles upon all their faces.

Author's Note

That's it folks! To those of you who made it to the end of this story, thanks for reading! Honestly, half the reason I decided to make this was so I had an excuse to write a story with Ninja Slayer in it. And in case anyone was asking themselves what the hell the police were doing after that mass panic, let me just say I put TVcon in Chicago intentionally.

Anyway, have a silly mini sequel:

Grogar laughed off to the side as the six transformed mares stared at the crater left by their Rainbow Power, right where he was standing before he teleported.

"What, and you thought I, the most powerful sorcerer in the world, would just stand there and let you hit me with that? It takes a full minute to charge! You have no hope to stop me, and I shall rule Equestria!"

Twilight twisted around to face her secret weapon, who was sitting in the back with Spike, both reclining on chairs and munching on popcorn.

"Well, we tried. Starlight?" she said. "Go ahead."

Starlight nonchalantly stood up. "Ok, sure." She faced Grogar, and he leered down at her with his red eyes.

He snorted. "Oh? What are you going to do that the alicorn can't?"

"The World."

The next thing Grogar knew, he lay splayed on the ground in immense pain, his enchanted bell broken, along with all his legs. Starlight picked him up in her magic, and flung him through the portal to Tartarus Twilight opened up.

"Well, that was easy," Starlight said.