The Great and Powerful and Tasty....Wait, what?
The small chime above the door to Sugar Cube Corner rang gently as its door opened. At the same time, a crisp, winter wind rushed inwards as the most majestic and beautiful unicorn waltzed in from the cold. The snowflakes swirled around her glorious mane in a serene and purposeful dance as if it had been commanded to announce her enigmatic presence. The soft clop of her hooves upon the floor echoed outwards, honoring the small town bakery with the sound of magnificence.
This, of course, was entirely an exaggeration created by the very Proud and Snarky Trixie, who chose that moment to glare up at the ceiling, as if she knew somepony was talking about her. Turning her head in indifference, Trixie turned to approach the front counter of the bakery. There was no line, which Trixie presumed to be because all the ponies fled in fear of her extraordinary reputation. However, it was actually just because it was freezing outside and no sane pony would actually be about in such a dangerous storm.
"No one asked for your opinion," Trixie called out to nopony she could see. "Especially not the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Trixie called upwards, her red scarf falling loose around her neck. Trixie shivered for a moment before her magic could return the scarf to its original position.
More like the very Cold and Irritable Trixie.
"Trixie heard that!" Trixie said with a scowl.
"Heard what?" called the enthusiastic voice of a mare.
Looking over the counter, Trixie watched as Pinkie Pie, the perpetually perky pink pony that helped run the bakery, emerged from the back room.
"Oh? The Great and Powerful Trixie simply heard you taking your sweet time getting out here," Trixie said.
"Well, of course it was my sweet time, what else do you think I have time for while I'm working?" Pinkie Pie stated, completely oblivious to Trixie's overly snarky comment.
Trixie scowled again as she stood on her hind legs, placing her front hooves down onto the countertop.
"Trixie demands that you make her your tastiest dessert, and make sure it has plenty of caramel!" Trixie said as she smacked the counter with a hoof. Pinkie Pie, who had been placing a tray of hot muffins into the display, looked up, her eyes widening slightly as she took in Trixie's request.
"Are you sure that's what you want?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie did not stutter," Trixie said, her head literally beginning to inflate to match her ego.
"Are you trying to say I have a big head!?" Trixie shouted to the heavens.
"Who are you talking to?" Pinkie asked as she picked up a rolling pin and began walking towards the kitchen door.
"Trixie was speaking to the obnoxious universe, which seems to delight in torturing Trixie," she said with a scowl. Trixie turned to watch Pinkie Pie walk past the kitchen door and move out from behind the counter into the dining area. She was holding the rolling pin in her teeth and was moving directly towards Trixie.
"What are you doing?" Trixie asked, tilting her head slightly in confusion.
"Mmmm mmmm mmm," Pinkie Pie said, her mouth obstructed by the rolling pin.
"Come again?" Trixie asked in irritation.
Pinkie Pie took the rolling pin out with a hoof and then said, "I'm just doing what you asked, silly billy!"
"Huh, what do you... " Trixie started to say before Pinkie Pie moved towards her in a rush.
Trixie wasn't even able to shout as Pinkie Pie swung the baking equipment into the back of Trixie's head. Trixie fell forwards, landing unevenly on top of a bent-over Pinkie Pie.
The Great and Powerful Trixie didn't feel quite that great or that powerful at the moment. In fact, she felt downright strange as she tried to move, only to find that she couldn't do so. It wasn't that her hooves were tied down, or constrained in some other way. It was that Trixie couldn't even feel them to begin trying to move them. Looking up, she saw Pinkie Pie dancing around the kitchen, humming to herself as she pulled ingredients from cabinets. Trixie watched as Pinkie Pie twirled in circles, a blissful expression on her face as she moved towards Trixie.
"Trixie demands to know what you have done to her!" Trixie called out. Her voice sounded strange, reverberating outwards into the kitchen.
"Exactly what you wanted me to do, don't you remember?" said Pinkie Pie as she laid out her ingredients and utensils next to Trixie. Trixie looked up at Pinkie Pie, which felt weird as she couldn't even feel her neck.
"Trixie demands that you explain yourself this instant!" Trixie said, her voice raising to just below a shout. Pinkie Pie tilted her head to the side, momentarily wondering what Trixie was getting so upset about.
"Sure thing, Trixie, I'll help you remember, since it's making you so unhappy," Pinkie Pie said. Then, Pinkie held a hoof to her nose, sucked in a breath and blew. With a pop, a long unicorn horn popped out of her forehead. Then, with a wave of a hoof, she curled her hair into a similar shape to match Trixie's typical style.
"You said, and I quote," Pinkie Pie began in a perfect imitation of Trixie's voice, "'Trixie demands that you make her your tastiest dessert, and make sure it has plenty of caramel!'"
"That's ridiculous! Trixie demands that you—" Trixie was cut off as Pinkie Pie lifted her into the air with ease, before she felt herself being carried across the room. Trixie felt as if she were lying in a pool of water, and a wave was washing over her body, moving her with it. Carried across the kitchen, Trixie had no choice but to gaze up at the lights on the ceiling as Pinkie Pie moved her to a different countertop. The sound of a bowl being set down against a hard surface rang out as Pinkie Pie lowered her back down to eye level.
"What do you plan to do with Trixie?" Trixie said, trying once again to understand her situation.
"Well first," Pinkie Pie said, reaching her hoof past Trixie's face, "I need to blend the ingredients together."
With a flicking sound, the room became filled with the swirling noise of some sort of appliance. Pinkie Pie once again picked Trixie up with a hoof and then proceeded to tip her into the mixing bowl. Trixie felt herself flowing downwards through the air, where she felt her body free fall for a moment before landing into a cold, stainless-steel bowl.
It was barely an instant before Trixie was swept into the flow of the flat beater. The device swirled her around the bowl at a terrifying speed; in fact, if she still had a stomach, she'd probably have emptied it. Around and around, the very soon to be smooth and creamy Trixie spun, the world above her turning like a kaleidoscope powered by the sun. After a full traumatizing minute of riding on the world's fastest amusement park ride, the spinning slowed to a stop.
The sounds of eggs cracking and bottles opening could be heard over the top of the bowl as Trixie tried to focus her thoughts. Soon, Trixie felt the completely alien sensations of the ingredients being added into her bowl. It was as if giant water drops were falling onto her, but not stopping at her coat. Instead, everything became part of her, cluttering both Trixie's mind and body.
"Pinkie Pie!" Trixie tried to call out again. However, the party pony ignored her as she flipped the switch once more. The sensation of wanting to evacuate her insides was strong, but without any way of satisfying the urge, Trixie was left only to attempt to hold on to her sanity. The worst part was that she could taste something good... and it was probably her.
The well-mixed and very tasty Trixie was once again allowed to regain a normal sense of things as the machine came to a stop. It was only then that Trixie could hear Pinkie Pie singing, the sound of which had been overpowered by the mixer's magical motor.
"When you're rife with devastation
There's a simple explanation
You're a toymaker's creation
Trapped inside a crystal ball."
Pinkie Pie hummed and danced, hopping over to the oven without a care in the world. Popping it open with a hoof, she returned to the counter Trixie was resting on. Something metal hit the countertop, causing a shiver to ripple through Trixie's quivering mass of tastiness.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Trixie said groggily up to the irritating, imaginary voice in her head.
"Of course I am!" Pinkie Pie piped as she released the bowl from its grip on the mixer. Trixie didn't move and slosh around as she had earlier, her mass now a lot thicker than it had been.
"Did you just call Trixie fat?" Trixie yelled in irritation, her priorities not quite aligned in that moment.
"No?" Pinkie Pie said, "I didn't say anything like that, silly."
Pinkie Pie tipped the bowl over, causing Trixie to pour into a cold pan of some type. Trixie's being filled the grooves until every last drop of her was transferred into the pan.
"Pinkie Pie, Trixie would like you to stop now," Trixie said, her anger giving way to quiet desperation.
"Nope, gotta finish this dessert first!" Pinkie Pie said. "It would be a waste to throw all this away now!"
And with that, Pinkie Pie placed her onto an oven rack, pushed the grate forward and closed Trixie inside.
Warm. Very warm. It was actually strangely pleasant sitting inside the oven, even as her coat seemed to brown and harden. Trixie didn't know how long it had been, but she could almost feel herself beginning to slip away in the heat. However, before that could happen, the door was opened and the harsh, cool air of reality swept in. Jolting back into awareness, Trixie watched as a pair of oven mitts reached in to extract her from the warmest home she'd had in years.
"Well, we're about done, Trixie," came Pinkie Pie's voice. Lifted back into the bright kitchen, Trixie was placed on top of a counter next to the oven. The sound of a drawer opening and closing brought a strange sense of dread into Trixie's heart.
Not that she had one at the moment.
"You know, Trixie is getting tired of your snark," Trixie said, her voice relaying an annoyance that she lacked a face to otherwise express.
"I really have no idea what you're talking about, Trixie," Pinkie Pie said, moving to place a spatula alongside Trixie's tasty self. "You might need to talk to somepony about that. I've heard that only crazy ponies hear voices in their head!"
As Pinkie Pie moved Trixie onto a piece of parchment paper, Trixie screamed loudly. Pinkie Pie moved quickly, grabbing a bowl from her side and proceeding to pour its contents over Trixie. The warm, heavy feeling of caramel washed over Trixie, muffling her voice as Pinkie pie looked her over.
"Well, no wonder you were upset," she giggled, removing the mittens from her hooves. "You thought I had forgotten the caramel!"
Pinkie Pie picked up the tray of Trixie once more and proceeded to carry her out of the kitchen. The cozy dining area of Sugarcube Corner was no longer empty, however, as one grey pegasus with a blonde mane awaited Pinkie's arrival.
"Heya, Ditzy! How you doin'?" Pinkie Pie said as she set the tray of Trixie on the counter to cool.
"Oh, I'm alright, Pinkie, I just came for the usual," Ditzy Doo said, her eyes moving in that strange way they always did.
"Of course, half a dozen banana nut muffins, fresh and ready!" Pinkie Pie said as she placed the order into a bag. "I've got a new treat for you to taste test as well, free of charge!"
"Oh?" Ditzy asked. "What's it called?"
"The Great and Powerfully Tasty Twixie!" Pinkie said, moving to prepare the treat for her friend.
"That's quite a mouthful," Ditzy said with a giggle.
"Not yet, it isn't," Pinkie joked. "You have to actually take a bite for that to happen!"
The pair of mares giggled a bit more as Pinkie plated the Twixie treat. As it was passed from one pony to another, Trixie let out a muffled shout, but neither pony seemed to notice.
Trixie watched in horror as she was raised towards the ever-growing mouth of Ditzy Doo, her life seeming to flash before her eyes.
Trixie bolted upright as she screamed, a cold sweat covering her from head to hoof. Turning her head rapidly, she caught sight of two pairs of wings, and two horns as well. Running to the back door of her wagon, she saw a dark blue pony and a violet colored pony flying off into the night sky, the distant sound of mares laughing fading into the distance.
"Bloody Princesses," she grumbled.
Then, Trixie kicked the door open, stepped outside and yelled into the night sky.
"I'll get you for this, Sparkle!"
Author's Note
Hey everypony! I hope everypony enjoyed that, or at least doesn't have a nightmare from it. The inspiration of this was pretty random, and I wanted to try for something silly and strange.
The story has a different kind of flow, as Trixie can hear most of the narration going on, but the voice doesn't directly address her, but rather, comments on her actions. I'm sorry if it throws a few of you off.
Opinions, criticisms and suggestions are more appreciated than many of you realize, so please, let me know. Every suggestion helps me improve, and thus, write better stories for all of you.
Also, to anypony that didn't know, the little song is an excerpt from Friendship is Witchcraft.
With love and dedication, Dreams of Ponies 
