The Royal Road: The Fool and the World

by Crossover Country

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Alternate Universe
Length: 6807

The start of the Royal Road Collaboration.

Numen was less than normal. Not that he minded, most of the time. He had his parents. He had freedom. The only snag? He was an alicorn in a world where there were only supposed to be two: Celestia and Luna. Growing up can be hard. Especially when other ponies expect you to be either a fiendish demon or their savior. Or when you accidentally release an elder god composed of pure chaos and entropy, and start what most ponies would consider the end of times.

Despite his terrible, horrible luck, a happy, grey-coated pegasus with golden eyes starts him on a journey that he never dreamed of. With his own fate undetermined, and a wide, huge world waiting for him, who knows what will become of the white and blue alicorn colt?

——-

This fic is the genesis of the Royal Road collaboration, telling of a dark Alternate Universe of Equestria where religion, politics, and war are all very real, very brutal things.

Warning for the intermittently butthurt: there's an alicorn OC.

Cover art done by:
ManicVerse

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-26 22:40:01 UTC

Chapter 1: Genesis

The Royal Road: The Fool and the World

Chapter 1: Genesis

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then the goddesses appeared. Even they didn’t know how they were formed and what came before, or why for that matter. Celestia, the beloved goddess of the sun, and Luna, the grand goddess of the moon and stars. They came to Equestria, bestowed upon ponies wisdom and knowledge, and taught them everything they knew. The goddesses established the First Kingdom in what was to be the Holy Land.

Discord appeared in much the same manner as they did, but sought not to rule ponies with kindness. He ruled in playful, if not terrifyingly deranged, chaos. Exiling the alicorn sisters after besting their magic with his twisted games, the draconequus ruled the land of Equestria with pain and suffering. Rivers ran red, and the sun and moon fought for even a moment in the sky. Ponies wept, starved, fought, blamed each other, and forsook their goddesses. All the while, Celestia and Luna were hidden away in the wilderness, using all of their magical prowess and knowledge to craft six gems of immense power that only they could wield.

The two goddesses returned to challenge the throne, calling Discord down from his lofty seat of power. Brash and foolish, he came down before them, laughing in arrogance at their return. He thought it merely a game. Celestia and Luna used their divine tools, the Elements of Harmony, to cast Discord into stone. In their near infinite wisdom, they had him placed in the lowest dungeon of Canterlot Castle, far from any chaos that the world would produce, lest he escape.

Despite their victory, all was not peaceful once the goddesses returned to their rightful station as rulers of Equestria. The two had gained new followings in the process. One to Luna, praising her night, and one to Celestia, praising her sun and daylight. Over time, Luna was overcome with ambition sparked by the words of a rogue priestess. Luna was betrayed by her, feeding her ambition and anger through lies and slander. The corrupt priestess sought to steal away the power of the Elements of Harmony and become a goddess herself.

The goddess of the night became the dreaded Nightmare Moon, but was quelled when her sister used the Elements of Harmony to purge Luna of her inner darkness, and defeated the corrupt priestess. When the alicorn sisters thought Discord was awakening from their strife, they placed the Elements to seal out the world’s chaos to keep him in a bubble of harmony.

Knowing they would only clash, since the two galvanized followings only bore hatred for one another, they went their separate ways. Luna established the country of Nocturne in the west and created the Church of the Moon to find wisdom and knowledge in tradition. Celestia established Solaris in the east along with the Fellowship of the Golden Sun, who sung her praises and sought direction in wisdom and philosophy. After centuries of loneliness, the two wandered to the north toward one another, finally reconciling and establishing Harmonia after leaving their separate nations behind to be independent. The followers who praised them both created the Foals of the Gloaming, who still pray directly to their beloved celestial goddesses.

Every generation, the Elements of Harmony weaken, and their magic must be replenished by the natural magic of ponies, lest Discord return to destroy ponykind. Two of each race, to match the magics of the alicorn sisters. Two pegasi, whose lofty spirits carry the wind. Two earth ponies, whose sturdy souls echo with the earth. And two unicorns, imbuing the very essence of magic into all they touch.

They must be virtuous as well, to carry the weight of such potent magic. One loyal to country and friends, regardless of personal gain. One kind to all living things, no matter their appearance. One unafraid to speak the truth, though it may be ugly. One generous to give of themselves to those in need. One able to find laughter in life, and spread its joy. And one who may bear the hardships and joy of friendship and it’s magic. Without carrying these virtues, the Elements of Harmony will reject those who try to resonate with them.

Once the six are brought before the Elements and resonate with them, they give their very lives to power them. They are not alone. They become one with the Elements and all who came before. Their devotion keeps Discord at bay, and gives the world the harmony that would be absent from a second coming of the Chaotic Chimera.

This is the traditional telling of how Equestria was founded, and why the Sacrifice is performed.

~~~~~~~~~

Wind blew softly through the decaying ruins of some ancient lord’s castle in Solaris, sand and dust carried upon its breath. A colt stood inside, looking about at the ancient carvings and words inscribed upon the stone in awe with wide, innocent eyes. New images, thoughts, smells, and sights streamed in from every angle, and a quick heartbeat steadily drummed in the back of the child’s mind. His parents called to him, ready to leave the sanctuary. He was hesitant as his eyes drifted back to the main mural. It was an image of the goddesses, both ruling in harmony. They were the younger emissary of night, and the older envoy of the day: Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, as they were known by mortals.

He looked into one of the mirrors in the hall, catching sight of his body. He wasn’t all that different. He was mortal, right? Surely though he had the wings of a pegasus, he wasn’t any more agile than another. And though he had a horn, he was no more intelligent or clever than other ponies. The young pony pulled his cloak on once more, binding down his wings gently with his magic and a leather strap. With a sigh, he placed his saddlebags back on his blank flanks before rejoining his parents, both of which were travelling merchants. His name was Numen, named for his potential. Exactly what that potential was, his parents never quite told him.

Lips curled upwards in a childish smile, an alicorn approached his parents. He was normal. He was just a unicorn. His wings were just a birth defect. No one else would understand. Everypony assumed he was a living god, or a heretical child birthed of unholy means. Or, when he hid his wings, everypony just assumed he was an inept unicorn. It was much simpler to be a blank-flank unicorn by earth pony parents than to be some savior or demon or heretic or whatever others believed him to be.

In a grand lack of elegance, Numen somehow managed to trip on the stone slabs. His long legs made it difficult to walk at times. In a puff of sand and dust, the child groaned as he got back to his feet. He trotted over, eyes scanning the floor for anything that could trip him up again as he made it back to the entrance of the decayed castle.

“Numen, I’ve been meaning to ask for a while, but what do you think of us heading to Adagio?” His mother, Silk Road, asked politely as she tried to clean his azure mane and tail of the sand with a hoof. Instead of replying, Numen scowled and ducked away, ruffling his mane back the way he liked it, save for the dust.

Fine Wares let out an amused chuckle as he adjusted the bags on his back. “We have to get out of here before the winds pick up again,” he called to his wife and child, looking out from the entrance of the ruins. “Numen, what’s the quickest route to Adagio?” He couldn’t help but test his child, teaching the boy at every step of their constant journey. A sly smirk sat on his face, awaiting the colt’s answer.

“We could walk to Horizon, and catch one of the caravans for the price of a few gold pieces.” The alabaster alicorn looked up to his father with a nervous glance, studiously observing his father’s expression.

Fine Wares gave a hearty laugh as he disheveled his child’s mane with a hoof. “Indeed we could.” The black coated salespony puffed his chest out, grinning as he trotted out of the ruined keep, his wife and child soon behind him.

Numen let a content smile grace his lips, following his parents as they set out to their next destination. Traveling like this was enough for him. Each time he’d seen the mesmerizing, moon-lit gardens in the cities of Nocturne, the colt’s smile grew brighter for several days. Watching the cascading light of the sunrise and set in the deserts of Solaris made the harsh journey through them worth it. Even the cold words of others couldn’t compare to the beauty he’d seen of the world, and made everything worthwhile despite his ‘situation’.

Whoever saw his wings and horn always assumed that he was a descendant of the goddesses, or a stupid unicorn trying to be like them to a foolish degree; when he was too young to do magic, his parents were accused of being heretics from every religion. News of his birth was slow to travel, due to its controversial nature. He never understood why there was so much conversation until he began hearing whispers every now and again about other ‘third alicorns’;  they were never more than unicorn pretenders trying to make their way up the social ladder with a shimmer-wing spell. They were the poorest of frauds. Even ‘Feathers of Celestia’ from the camels to the south had more merit.

The wind started picking up the moment he stepped outside. Each grain brushed against his hooves, parting slightly with each and every step. The wind beat against his face, casting dust to his cheeks. He followed his parents at a brisk pace, keeping up with them easily in his tall gait. A city was in view as they crested the dune before them. Crystalia maybe? Or another village on the border with Harmonia?

The colt’s eyes remained on the horizon, taking in the scenery. No matter how many times he’d seen the borders between lands while traveling with his parents, Numen never grew tired of the beauty they held. It was always new and exciting to go from one land to another and see the different ponies and their cultures. He observed every detail he could when his father did business, taking his time to learn the family trade. The next stop on their journey would hold more business, and more opportunities for him to study the culture of a new place.

Numen’s thoughts were cut short as his ears perked up, catching a noise as unnerving as it was awe inspiring. The young stallion looked behind him to a funnel cloud of dust and sand was barreling toward him and his family with untainted fury. Before Fine Wares and his wife could turn to notice the sandstorm, their son dashed toward the ruin. The stallion and mare chased after the young alicorn, barely keeping pace with their child.

Numen galloped away in the sand as best he could in an attempt to reach the ruin. His thoughts had halted entirely. He felt everything, but held no sway over his movements. His wings flared in fear as the joints stiffened, unable to move despite how hard the young alicorn willed them to fold. A gust of wind batted the foal about, casting him away from his parents as if he were nothing more than a speck of dust. Golden sand cast by the gale obscured his vision.

The young alicorn clamped his eyes down tightly, struggling as he tried to close his wings. Tears began streaking down his cheeks as he realized what was happening. The colt grit his teeth, the wind holding him at its mercy. Isolation. Helplessness. Things he’d never experienced. And then there was silence, darkness, and sand. All other sensations didn’t seem to exist for a time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of all the days she’d delivered mail, Ditzy Doo, more commonly called Derpy Hooves by her customers and friends, this had been the best. She delivered a letter to Rainbow Dash from a really cool looking pony with purple glasses. Finally, the best stunt flier in Valimore must have finally caught a break to get a letter so lavish. The walleyed mare caught herself long enough to dodge a decorative tower with the swiftest of wing beats, nearly slamming her face into the obelisk.

She was thankful no one had been watching. Running into inanimate objects would only make her seem like more of a klutz than she already was. Though, there was that one cart. And the fruit stand. And the dozen earthen pots behind it. And there was that priceless First Kingdom vase back when she started her career as a mailmare for the International Pony Express. It took a year to pay off the estimated price of the vase on her meager income. She was just glad that King Platinum Blueblood the Sixth liked puns so much, otherwise it might have been her head.

The pegasus started to wonder what happened to the old unicorn as she drifted to the ground, making the first of many deliveries for Valimore. Since the border disputes with Nocturne and Harmonia began, Solaris had so few sources of information on the other nations. However, her assignment to the city and nation from the International Pony Express was ending soon. As soon as she made up for the last ‘incident’ on her record, she’d be back to delivering all across Equestria.

Once the letters for the home had been set into their post box, the grey mare took to the skies once more, flying at a leisurely pace. After all, city rules limited any flight faster than that of the average dove to the local weather team. Since they tended to fly at higher cloud levels, it was easy enough to avoid normal pegasine air traffic. A select few stunts performed by Rainbow Dash, local speedster and captain of the weather team, led to the rules on pegasus flight being been tightened.

The mailmare’s saddle bag was full of mail, with one particular letter her boss had told her to save delivering for sundown. He couldn’t emphasize more about how culturally important the timing of the delivery was. She heaved out a sigh of frustration toward her boss, who didn’t tell her anything about the letter itself. The envelope was made of the finest parchment, and there was a very distinctive gold leaf seal on it. A large, muscular white pegasus with absurdly tiny wings swerved out of the way with an aggressive grunt as Derpy caught herself a tad too focused on the letter’s emblem. Quietly, she reminded herself that air traffic was still a thing.

Upon reevaluating her train of thought, she decided to focus entirely on work. While her condition did make it hard to make out exact addresses, once she had it, the grey pegasus was easily the fastest mail courier around. Bounding down close to the streets, she pushed off of the tops of poles and the sides of buildings to glide in close to the mailboxes she targeted.

But, as usual, she turned too sharply around a corner. The affable mailmare collided into a bolt of cloth hanging from a stall with a cacophony of clattering wares around her. Yet again, she  found herself tangled in a local rug vendor’s prized merchandise. Derpy merely gave a sheepish smile as she slowly and deliberately found her way out of the pile of cloth. With a quiet apology and the vendor’s mail presented, Derpy dashed off to the skies again in hopes of avoiding any property damage on the last day of her probationary period. She’d learned all too quickly that Valimore’s Postmaster wasn’t nearly as forgiving as Adagio or Erinia’s.

Derpy had grown to miss her time in Harmonia and Nocturne, respectively. She wondered how faded her coat had become from the constant sunlight and few rainfalls in Solaris. Outside of the city, it was constant desert. Especially toward the Solstice Sands to the south, and the dreaded prison at the center only named ‘Oasis’. Even delivering mail to the front desk was frightening to the mare. The worst of prisoners and the harshest of guards populated the fortress. A cold shiver went down her spine at her memories of the guards.

However, she soon grew happy again as she looked at the important letter, taking note of whom she was to deliver it to. Pinkie Pie. Her favorite ‘apprentice’ baker. On that note, a loud commotion came from the streets below as a batter-covered merchant began screaming bloody murder about a monster. Derpy couldn’t help but think how silly it was. Her mom always told her that monsters lived in Tartarus, not in cake batter.

As the mailmare hovered to watch the scene, she noticed a familiar pink blur swipe the something small and green off of the merchant. The fast, pink blur was an earth pony with a cotton candy shaped mane, galloping away with a small alligator attached to her tail. Derpy knew it could only be one mare: Pinkie Pie. While the pegasus abstained from diving down to give her friend the letter early, she let out a sheepish chuckle for the earth pony as a pair of pegasus guards gave chase. Maybe delivering the letter later was a good idea. As much as she loved helping her favorite apprentice baker, getting involved in a rash of pranks only worsened her probation last time.

So many precious muffins lost out of her guilt. So many delicious confections went uneaten for her. Derpy considered it almost a crime to do such a thing. Almost as much a crime as not finishing a muffin, or worse yet: throwing one out. The blonde mailmare nearly cried in horror of the thought, but composed herself quietly in her spot in the sky as she flew off to do her job. She wouldn’t lose any more sleep or muffins over her probation after her final delivery of the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Numen awoke to the sharp sting of scrapes and bruises all over his body. He’d come to know the sensations well from falling on his face often enough. However, as his eyes tried to open, they too were filled with blistering pain and surprising darkness. It was as if he’d been thrown into the sandstorm after already having blasted with a ‘coated in sand’ spell from a unicorn. Bluntly, he had sand in his everything.

The young alicorn spent several minutes using his hooves and what little of magic prowess he possessed trying to rid his eyes of the assaulting grains. The presence of so much sand wasn’t surprising, but certainly frustrating at the very least. As soon as he could make out blurry figures and colors with his vision, the colt began wandering toward the nearest landmark on the horizon, which appeared to be a town or city. The sand against his cornea made it rather difficult to discern.

After what felt like an eternity his vision finally returned, allowing him to properly see the city he wandered toward. From what little he knew of the geography of the area, either the infamous prison called Oasis was in reality a huge city, or he’d been thrown by the sandstorm just far enough to make it to Valimore. Sure enough, a roadside sign confirmed the latter, giving the alicorn hope for safety from the elements. His now tattered cloak still held tightly to his neck and back, covering his wings from view. He didn’t want any trouble without his parents around.

If all went well, he’d just have to pay a few bits for a room at an inn and wait for his parents to come find him. A small, hopeful smile remained on the colt’s lips as he trotted into the city. The guards stood at attention as he walked passed. Numen turned his head to watch them the entire time. His lack of attention, however, led to a new problem: getting hit in the face by a stray plank of wood that had fallen off a carpenter’s cart.

Numen halted his steps, holding a hoof to his face to soothe the pain. The moment he pulled it away, however, he noticed a small trail of blood on it. “Hey! Kid! You alright?” A unicorn stallion called as he unhitched himself from the wagon to approach the injured child.

“I’m fine,” the child winced as he tore a length of his cloak off, pressing it against his forehead to cover the newest cut on his face. “It’s just a scratch!” The young alicorn’s voice wavered with nervous laughter as he tried to walk away. Each step was more of a challenge than he expected as his hooves moved to and fro, despite his best efforts to walk in a straight line into the city.

It was just an accident. He wouldn’t have gotten a face full of oak (or was it birch?) if he’d been watching where he was going. Spending no more thought on the accident or type of wood, he slowly walked into the city, despite the concerned carpenter asking him to stop. With each step, the colt became more coordinated, and so too did his childish smile return as he caught sight of a fountain in the middle of one of the city’s plazas.

It was simple compared to the others in Valimore, yes, but nonetheless Numen’s smile grew as he approached the wonder made from the magic of plumbing. The young stallion watched in awe as the water feature changed. New streams of water sprayed into the air, creating a display for the tourists that came through. The child’s excitement was over rather quickly as the fountain disappointed him, only changing back to its first routine.

Having spent several minutes watching the fountain and gaining a few stray glances from what he presumed to be wealthy ponies from their silken clothing and snouts pointed in the air, the incognito alicorn started to make his way through the unknown city. Looking back to the city gate, he decided that, by obvious city planning, an inn or other business of the sort should logically be a straight line away from the entrance. Still coated in sand, the colt followed this conclusion, exiting the plaza while keeping the city gate in view.

This, however, turned for the worse as he found himself among run-down, terribly built houses. The streets were packed near the local markets and businesses. When he entered the nearest inn, not a soul paid the child any attention as he attempted to speak with any of the innkeepers. Numen heaved a defeated sigh with each attempt, galloping frantically between inns. The colt frantically searched for any sign of the city’s gate, after having made several turns to get to the inhospitable inns and harshly being shown out through their backdoors after trying to get the owners’ attentions.

He galloped through the side-streets, attempting to regain his bearings, but his efforts were for naught. The running had only opened up the scrapes he’d gotten from the storm. He was lost, alone, his body stung, and he was still trying to get sand out of his ears. Numen hung his head as he strode through the street, turning out of view of the citizenry. He found himself in an alleyway, wherein he quietly sat away from the alley’s garbage.

The white and blue alicorn heaved a quiet, pained moan as he looked down at the dusty ground. Tears streamed from his eyes and his voice grew hoarse with each passing moment. There he was: a colt lost in a city, without his parents, a place to stay, and no one to turn to for help. His chest ached with each quiet noise that escaped his lips. Heated tears continued to crawl down his cheeks, despite how desperately he fought to hold them back. He remained there until night fell, limbs rigid and face tear-streaked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Evening approached quickly. Derpy’s saddlebags sung notes of praise as they flapped in the wind, empty as could be. Now to find Pinkie Pie, deliver the letter, and be done with her probation. The only problem was finding Pinkie Pie. Derpy hadn’t seen her all day since she was chased by the local guards. The pegasus landed on a rooftop as she searched the current area for any pranks set up, or any in the works. Generally, any sort of chaos that could be the work of her bright pink friend.

But, surprisingly, she couldn’t find anything. That was awfully weird, considering the how early a start Pinkie had gotten on it. But, the mailmare had to find her. Not for speed, or even duty. No. This was a matter of life or muffins. Muffins or death. Though the theatrics were excessive, the grey pegasus bolted from the rooftop with the letter now in her securely tightened saddlebags.

She couldn’t be stopped now, not after finally cleaning up her record. The outrageous incident when she mixed up a delivery of a noblepony’s night garments and a live manticore cub would haunt her no more. She wouldn’t stop until she found the baker.

The walleyed pegasus landed where she knew the mare had to have been at least once during the day: the Forum of Celestia. It was Sunday, so naturally Pinkie Pie would have attended the local service. She knew that the Cakes were somewhat religious, and that by extension, Pinkie would go to stay in their good graces at the least. The only issue was delivering the letter without keeping it in her mouth the whole time. For whatever reason, saddlebags were not to be worn inside the Forum.

She could deal with this. The blond mare was a big girl, after all. But now she was presented with the problem of the letter halting her speech. In a crowd, she had to be able to tell the individual pony that the envelope was theirs. Clearly, it’d only lead to more misunderstandings if she weren’t able to do so. The mailmare elected to the simplest option: she placed the letter into her tail and wrapped a few strands around it gently. Not only did it hide the object, but kept it nice and safe. The pegasus smiled to herself as she decided to give herself a muffin for that idea as well.

Derpy politely started her way through the crowd, each and every pony there paying attention to the front of the congregation, or meditating on what deeper truths were being discussed. The words that emanated from the front of the room were in a long-winded speech about the glory of Celestia and whatever lesson this week held. The congregation was led by the Great Philosopher of the Fellowship of the Golden Sun, one Shimmering Ray.

The mailmare looked up to his holiness on the dais, past the rows where common ponies sat. He was an older stallion, with a coat of fading gold and a blazing red mane. Even his mane had a streak of grey in it. He hid his cutie mark, whatever it was, beneath a traditional robe made of the finest silk.

Derpy continued onward, ignoring the meditating ponies around her as she searched for her target. As far as she could see, there was not a single pink mane in the crowd that matched Pinkie Pie’s. The pegasus started on her way out as she gave the congregation one final look. Without watching where she was going, she slammed into one of the pillars in the room with her chest and neck. The mare had hit the column so hard that one of the decorative tapestries came crashing down on top of her.

As she stared at the tapestry’s insignia, an epiphany struck the mare: it was the same symbol on the letter. She felt awfully silly for forgetting the local church’s emblem. Yet another revelation dawned upon the pegasus as she struggled free of the cloth: she’d managed to cause a loud enough ruckus to halt the congregation. To her relief, the older stallion on the dais gave a hearty laugh, causing the annoyed stares targeted at her to soften.

“This is my point exactly! You cannot take things too seriously, my friends!” Shimmering Ray led the mare’s mishap into a long-winded speech on the value of laughter and a light-hearted demeanor, leading eyes away from the pegasus. Derpy, not avoiding her chance, fumbled and tripped over the cloth as she struggled free. As much as she appreciated the Great Philosopher himself pardoning her actions in the Forum, she did have a job to do, and not much time to do it.

Peeking outside at the sun’s position, Derpy gathered her saddlebags and made a hasty retreat to the skies. Well, that was certainly an experience, the mailmare concluded as she flew over the city. The walleyed pegasus tapped her hoof thoughtfully on her chin as she tried to imagine all the places Pinkie Pie could possibly be in town. Without a second thought, she gave up at trying to pinpoint the absurdly silly and elusive party pony.

What she did conclude, however was the simplest solution: ask the guards that were chasing her earlier. The grey mare landed near the scene of dried cake batter, with vaguely pony and hoof-shaped holes throughout its surface. Next to it was a guard post, with a pair of stallions in proper armor standing at attention. Derpy, in all her grace and social aptitude did her best to inquire about her friend without upsetting the guards.

“Hey guys! Do you know where the pony who pranked the bah-geezus out of you went?” The sickly sweet tone and innocence of the question caught the two vigilant stallions completely off-guard. The two exchanged exasperated grimaces from the mailmare’s unintentionally emasculating statement upon their admittedly poor performance. However, neither could change this simple expression, unable to speak out against her innocent enthusiasm.

The two didn’t voice the raging sea of conflicting emotions to anyone. Especially not one another. However, one quirked an eyebrow to the other, silently asking his partner whether or not to answer her. His partner cleared his throat as he cast his gaze to the mare. “She ran south through the slums, and dove into the river. We haven’t seen her since the incident.” The guard informed tersely before standing back at attention.

“Oh.” Derpy sighed in momentary defeat, before perking back up to look at the guard. “Well, thanks anyway.” She took to the air once more, flying near where she presumed Pinkie Pie had been. The utterly wrecked carts, spilled produce, and the occasional bit of confetti made the trail blazing hot, even for the most inexperienced trackers.

What concerned the pegasus most, however, was the sudden stop in the trail, overlooking the muddy river below. At the bottom, she could make out the spot where Pinkie had climbed out of the river. Pinkie Pie was the only pony Derpy knew that could make a mural of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna out of mud. Never before had earth and water come together to create such a divine image of the Goddesses. And then there were the hoof prints obscuring half of Celestia’s face. Derpy glided down toward the scene, following the hoofprints away from the river.

With her eyes focused on the ground, the mare once more ran into something. Or rather, somepony’s flanks this time. It was a brown earth pony colt, humming a song of laughter and merriment. “Oh! Sorry.” Derpy blushed and gave the foal a sheepish smile. “I, um, was kind of looking for somepony. Pink, fluffy mane, really bouncy, about yea high?” Derpy noticed three other foals looking at her with various grins and giggles.

“You mean Pinkie Pie? She left for home earlier. Are you a friend of hers?” the oldest of the group asked, clearly familiar with the mare in question.

A realization hit Derpy as she sat in the field, face completely red in embarrassment. She’d forgotten the most obvious place Pinkie Pie would be: her home. “Something like that.” She answered the foal and ruffled his hair with a hoof before taking off to the skies again. “Be sure to get home before dark. ” The pegasus called back politely before looking forward again. This time, thankfully, she managed to avoid a stray cloud in her path.

The sky began dimming with the vibrant hues of dusk. Orange and purple and blue painted the heavens into an image of pure, untainted beauty. This beauty distracted Derpy as she flew, causing her to hit a pole with her hooves. The grey mass of fur and feathers collided with another, thankfully empty, market stall. The mare winced in pain as she got back up, checking herself for the letter.

Surprisingly, the lavish envelope was still intact, even in her unkempt tail. The mailmare elected to place it in her saddlebags again, for fear of potentially destroying the all important letter. It was now do or die time. Muffins or death. The blond pegasus was aloft again, flying toward her destination: the end of her probation.

Flying to Sugarcube Corner didn’t take long for the shop to come into view. A bakery with a faux-gingerbread appearance wasn’t all that common in the city. It was a quaint little shop with the best muffins the walleyed mare had ever tasted. The bakery was perhaps the only thing about Valimore she’d miss, aside from the obvious friends she’d made.

Derpy flew down to Sugarcube Corner to approach Pinkie Pie at last, looking down intently with her golden eyes. She smiled at the merest presence of the baker with pride, having finally found the elusive mare after what seemed like an eternity of a day. As she glided down before the earth pony, she made her announcement, as required by her boss. “Letter for Pinkie Pie!” the mare exclaimed as she grabbed the finely written letter from her saddlebag.

“For me? Wow, thanks Derpy! I haven’t gotten a letter in a while!” Pinkie Pie enthusiastically cheered as her eyes glimmered with childish excitement over the letter. However, Derpy felt a small twinge of embarrassment at her statement. It wasn’t her fault that the Cakes had such a hard to miss mailbox. Nonetheless, the grey pegasus kept smiling brightly. “Who’s it from?” the apprentice baker inquired politely as she searched the letter for a return address or signature.

Beaming with pride again, Derpy smiled brightly as she pointed to the back of the letter with a hoof. “The Fellowship of the Golden Sun. See the seal?” She couldn’t help but get giddy over her final assignment being completed. Though, the feeling of getting the sender right was just as exciting.

“Oh, right.” Pinkie Pie giggled to herself while prodding the letter’s seal. “Do you wanna hear what it says?”

Completely giddy, Derpy bit back a scream of joy, legs nervously shaking from the urge to jump for joy at her probation being over with at long last. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about the letter. It was just that she cared more about traveling again. She could make more ponies happier if she delivered things they cared about, unlike court orders, bills, or other day to day mail that only made ponies sigh. “Sorry, I can’t stay. I have to get back soon and report.” The grey pegasus looked out to the horizon to the setting sun, having timed the delivery perfectly. Surely her boss would commend her on it.

With that, the mailmare shot into the air, waving a hoof down to her friend. “Bye Pinkie!”, she shouted as she left. It was time to get back to the post office and get her probation lifted. She was going to reward herself with so many muffins.

So the mailmare’s day ended as it began: with paperwork. Piles of needless paperwork for the domestic mail courier. Even if it were the last day, or even the last minute of her time being stuck in a city, she dreaded the unnecessary busy-work. Everything from the triplicate of ‘successful delivery’ forms, the duplicate of ‘return to sender’ forms, and the final form to state that she was indeed Ditzy Doo, appeared to all be for the sole purpose of making her miserable.

She didn’t entertain the thought for long. It was her own fault about the manticore cub. She had nopony to blame but herself. But now it was over. She gave the paperwork to the Postmaster, trotted out of the door of the post office, and made her way toward her apartment. She would soon feast upon a glorious spread of muffins the likes of which had never been seen. Once she got home and baked them, that is.

However, Derpy’s ears perked up as she passed by an alley. A single, heart-rending noise caught her attention: the crying of a foal. The mare was shocked, shuffling toward the sound in mild discomfort. Her approach was silent, and her eyes focused on seeking the source of the pained, quiet cries.

There he was: a white and blue unicorn colt, wrapped up in a tattered cloak. The foal had sand stuck  all over his coat, as if he’d been through a sandstorm and survived. That was absolutely silly, though. He’d be really badly hurt if that had happened. Derpy quietly moved herself closer to the unicorn foal, nudging him softly with her nose. “Hey.” The grey mare looked down on him with a soft smile.

Numen jolted to his senses as something moved him, instinctively flinching before looking up to the pony in question. It was a pegasus mare. A grey one with a golden mane and peculiar eyes. And seven bubbles for her cutie mark? What did that even mean? Her talent was bubbles?

“H-Hi.” He sniffed, realizing his nose was runny from how much he’d been crying. He would have felt more embarrassed if the conditions of this meeting were any better.

Derpy offered a hoof to the foal, slowly helping him up. She wore a kind, innocent smile that surprised the colt. From what Numen had seen of the city thus far, something that pure shouldn’t even exist. But he accepted her help, shuffling the garbage and sand off his coat. The lustrous white had been stained from the rotting food items around him, despite the minimal contact with it.

However, Derpy was quiet after helping the colt to his feet. She took her time to collect herself, before barely managing to ask, “You alright?” The mailmare berated herself silently for the stupid, obvious question. No, he was not ok. There was no way in all of the Princess’s creation that a foal that was crying in an alley would be ok. She stopped for a moment to contemplate if the princesses created anything other than pony society and maintained the heavens. However, the pressing matter of the unicorn foal before her shook her out of her self-imposed quandary.

“I guess?” Numen shuffled his hooves shakily, casting his eyes to the ground as he avoided her gaze. He wasn’t a newborn. He could take care of himself, or so he thought. “I’m waiting on my parents.” He managed quietly as his eyes started watering despite his best efforts to fight them off with a hoof.

“Um... Do you need somewhere to stay? I don’t think you should wait for them in an alley. With garbage. And cats. And fleas.” The pegasus pointed to each item in question, crushing one of the vermin in question beneath her dainty hoof as the foul insect tried to feast upon her blood.

As much as Numen wished to trust the happy, bubbly mare, he nervously continued shuffling his hooves. His wings adjusted underneath his cloak, popping and stretching from lack of use. There was no way he could let her see them.The alicorn brushed some refuse off of his coat with a hoof, avoiding the adult’s golden eyes. He desperately wanted to say ‘no’ to her, but couldn’t muster the gumption to speak.

The grey mailmare smiled and grabbed his hoof, dragging the colt along. “You can stay at my place! It’ll be an adventure! Maybe with muffins at the end!” The childish pegasus exclaimed as she started galloping, ensuring Numen no time to deny her.

“O-Ok.” The alicorn agreed, managing to keep up with his hostess easily. “I’m Numen.” He called to her with a small smile while she tried to take the lead, as if it were a race.

“I’m Ditzy Doo! But you can call me Derpy Hooves!” Derpy smiled back, stumbling with her forehooves into a blind roll forward, effectively demolishing a barrel lying in the street.

Numen halted for a moment before he approached the accident, trying to gauge the mare’s injuries, if any. A hoof shot up from the mass of broken wood and iron bands.

“I’m ok!” Derpy called out shakily as she sat up, one of the barrel’s rings around her neck. Numen knew that, at the very least, this pegasus was going to be interesting to be around.

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Chapter End