The Cute One 2: The Shippening

by No one is home

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 1239

The CMC continue their quest to determine which Crusader is "The Cute One". This can't end well.

The CMC continue their quest to determine which Crusader is "The Cute One". Meanwhile Spike tries to extricate himself from this insanity. This can't end well.

Featured! 1/2/2017

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-01 14:30:01 UTC

The One Where It Gets Real

“So what you’re saying,”  A small filly covered in a heavy cloak stood before the counter of a disreputable magic shop, a wisp of purple mane fell just beyond the concealment of her hood, “Is that if I were to say, hypothalamusly stick a dragon with this arrow, then that dragon would definitely want to make out with me?”

“I don’t think that’s actually a word miss.”  The shopkeeper smiled nervously.  “And I’m not at all comfortable with selling a love arrow to a filly so young.  Do you even know what ‘making out’ is?”

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!”  Scootaloo screamed at the shopkeeper as she flung a jingling bag on the counter. “Just shut up and take my bits!”

-=-=-=-=-

Spike was mortified.  Discord was snickering.  Pinkie Pie was rolling on the floor.  Even Big Macintosh was fighting the urge to laugh.  And Rainbow Dash just kept on with her story.

“So I was like, ‘Really kiddo?  You made out with Spike behind the castle?’”  Dash grinned as her audience chuckled and Spike squirmed.  “Well I had my suspicions something was up, so I asked her, ‘So how far did you go?’  And Scootaloo looks me straight in the eyes and do you know what she said?”  Rainbow choked back a laugh. “She said, ‘We went all they way behind the castle.’”

“All the way…” Pinkie guffawed.  “All the way behind the castle?  That is SO adorable!”

“Eeyup.”  Big Macintosh nodded with a chuckle.

“Can we just get the game started?”  Spike grumbled.  “THIS is why you can’t invite mares over for guy’s night.”

“Oh come on Spike.”  Rainbow chided.  “I think it’s awesome that Scootaloo has a crush on you.”

“First off, no she doesn’t.”  Spike crossed his arms and huffed.  “It was all over some stupid bet they made.  I think I’d notice if somepony had a crush on me.”

“Pffft” Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes.  “I’m pretty sure a mare could take you on a hot-air balloon ride, and sing an Old Timey Wild West Burlesque number with you, and you’d never notice she had a crush on you until she finally gave up and left you to walk around your whole life for all she cares with your head up Raritie’s…”

“Eenope.”  Big Macintosh quickly cut Pinkie off, sticking a hoof in her mouth..

“Well THAT was oddly specific.”  Discord raised an eyebrow at Pinkie Pie who just rolled her eyes and shrugged.

“Can we really just start the game already?”  Spike asked, exasperated.

-=-=-=-=-

“This emergency meeting of the Cutie Mark Crusaders will come to order.”  Apple Bloom announced to the gathered crusaders, including Babs, Gabby, and Pipsqueak.  “Todays order of urgent business is to break the current tie between mahself and Sweetie Belle on the question of which one of us is the cute one.”

“Wait a minute!  I’m still in the game here!”  Scootaloo argued.

“No you’re not.”  Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes.  “You actually chased Spike off.  That’s like the opposite of cute.”

“Anyway, as the only colt with Crusader voting privileges, Pipsqueak you get to make the call on who’s the Cutest Crusader!”

“Uh, actually, I always thought Babs was the cutest.” The young Trottingham colt swallowed hard, knowing he had just stepped into a minefield.

“Daahhh!”  Gabby grabbed up Pip and Babs and hugged the blushing ponies together.  “That is totally adorable, I SO ship it!  Cutest Crusader couple!”

“This is getting us nowhere.” Applebloom grumbled, then noticed something.  “Where do ya think yer goin Scootaloo.  I ain’t adjourned this here meeting yet.”

“Whatever!” Scootaloo snapped.  “I’m gonna go find Spike and I’m gonna MAKE him admit I’m the cutest!”

-=-=-=-=-

“See ya next week casanova!”  Rainbow laughed at Spikes expense as she took off for the night.

“Don’t listen to her Spike.”  Pinkie scruffed Spike’s head with a friendly hoof. “I think you and Scootaloo would make a great couple.  Just don’t blow it like you did the last time somepony tried to hint that she liked you, but you were too busy following Rarity around and you broke her heart and now you’re never going to get another chance with her.”

“Pinkie, what are you talking about?” Spike cast the pink enigma a worried glance.

“Oh nothing, just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie.”  Pinkie laughed and rolled her eyes.  “You know me, silly silly silly!  Just Pinkie Pie being a silly filly, yep.  Anyway, see you all next week.  And probably two or three times in between!”

Pinkie Pie sped off without another word, Leaving Spike, Macintosh, and Discord looking confused.

“If I didn’t know better I’d think…” Discord stroked his beard, only to get cut off by Big Macintosh.

“Eenope.”  Big Mac gave his friend a stern warning.  That was NOT a can of worms to be opened.

“Well, never mind. I suppose.  I should really get going as well.  So the game is back at Spike’s place next week?”  Discord stretched absently.

“Ee’yup.”  Big Mac nodded and turned to go back inside as Discord jumped into a portable hole.

“Later Big Mac.”  Spike turned and cheerfully began his walk back to the castle.

“Hey Spike!  Wait up!”  Spike flinched at the sound of the fillies voice.

“Hey… Scootaloo…”  Spike rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

“Sorry I made things weird earlier.  It’s okay, I guess if you don’t think I’m as cute as Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom.”  Scootaloo turned moist saucer eyes towards Spike.

“Scootaloo it’s not like that!” Spike held out his hands defensively.  “I never said you’re not as cute as Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom.  It’s just weird having you girls getting all flirty with me.  Especially when you’ve already told me it’s really about some weird bet you all have running.”

“So…” Scootaloo replied flatly. “You DO think I’m at least AS cute as Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom.”  The filly suddenly grinned.  “So I am still in the game!”

“Either you’re not listening at all, or the words I’m saying just don’t mean what I think they do.”  Spike deadpanned with a roll of his eyes.

“Shhh!”  Scootaloo smiled coyly and placed a hoof over Spike’s lips.  “Still. In. The. Game.  Now just let me stab you with this arrow and we’ll go make out in the bushes and it’s Scootaloo for the win.  Oh Yeah!”

“Wait, stab me with an arrow?”  Spike was trapped.  He knew there was no way he could outrun Scootaloo.  He had no idea WHAT Scootaloo thought “making out” was, but he now knew it involved stabbing.  Spike was terrified.

“A love arrow?  Really Scootaloo?”  Apple Bloom glared at her orange friend.  “Now yer just outright cheatin’!  And, again, you don’t even know what making out is!”

“Oh yeah?  Well after I stab Spike with this arrow, we’re gonna go all the way!  All. The. Way!”  Scootaloo stamped an angry hoof in the dirt.

“All the way to where, exactly?”  Sweetie Belle smirked knowingly.

“All the way back to Ponyville where we won’t be bothered by UNCUTE ponies while we make out behind Sugar Cube Corner!”  Scootaloo hurled the arrow aside and screamed.

“Ow!” Spike yelled and spun, unnoticed to the arguing Crusaders.

“She really doesn’t know!”  Apple Bloom tittered.

“She was gonna go ‘All the way’.”  Sweetie Belle giggled.

“All the way back to Ponyville!”  The friends finished together laughing uproariously.

Spike found himself standing snout to snout with an incredible force of pinkness.

“P-Pinkie Pie?”  A young dragons voice rang with unnatural clarity.

“I was worried you might get lonely... Or cold.  I keep extra blankets stashed around town. For blanket related emergencies.”  Pinkie smiled at Spike and then smiled at the Crusaders.

“Wow, Pinkie I never realized before how incredibly cute you are!”  Spike exclaimed in amazement.

Pinkie grinned and nuzzled the young dragon, before turning her triumphant smirk on the crusaders.  “An THAT, little ones is how you steal your best friend’s dragon.”