Chapters The Incredibly Stupidly Weird Story About 15 Random OCs
Author's Note
To my followers: I might've twisted some of your OCs on purpose for comedic effect. Maybe.
Another thing: Since the OCs are so random, I realized that I ended up using some much more often than others simply because the plot demanded a character of their description. Sorry if your OC doesn't show up as often as you'd like.
Lol.
It was an incredibly bright and sunny day in Equestria. Carrion the undead griffon sat motionless in a roadside pit, only moving every so often to swat away flies. Other than the corpselike form of Carrion putridizing the scene, it was a perfect day.
That is, a perfect day for the CMC to find themselves reading Starswirl's time loop spell that Twilight had somehow managed to recover. How she recovered it? Nopony knows to this day, but she did mention something about alternate universes.
That being said, Carrion continued acting like the mindless corpse he was, idly lying in the mud. "Hey, Lightning," he moaned in a terrifyingly scratchy voice, "Wanna hang out later with Alcea?"
Dark Lightning shuddered at the mention of his name. He wasn't Dark Lightning, he was Hard Time... no... Iron Cider?
...Anyways... *cough* the pegasus shuddered at the mention of his supposed name.
"Do I know you?" He replied, turning to the ghoul. "Or did you mistaken me for somepony else?"
"C'mon, Lightning," the griffon groaned again, "you know me. You've always known me..." he paused for a moment, searching his brain for something Dark Lightning would remember, "...Easy Breeze."
Lightning's face lit up, and all at once, the pegasus had suddenly became another pony altogether. "Carrion!" he cheered, "Sure, I'll hang with ya later. I gotta clear some clouds first, and then I've got a race to beat with Rainbow!"
In an instant, the suddenly upbeat pegasus was gone.
~~~{Meanwhile in Ponyville...}~~~
"Hey," Rainbow groaned from the ceiling of Twilight's castle, "Twi, next time, warn us before you let the CMC use Starswirl's time-loop spell again."
A trio of fillies watched overhead from atop a cliff. Said cliff would eventually become the base of operations for a top secret facility known as "B.U.T.T.S.", or "Bureau of U nbelievably T ame T ime S teppers".
"Are you sure you want to stay in the time loop?" Sweetie Belle asked, lighting her horn, "Twilight showed me a way to get out of it, y'know."
Scootaloo shook her head. "No way! We're Cutie Mark Time Loopers now! That's more awesome than Cutie Mark... uh, cutie mark figure-outers?"
Applebloom nodded.
"Twilight?" Rarity abruptly began as she lay on her fainting couch, "Was the B.U.T.T.S. headquarters beside Canterlot Palace before?"
Twilight shrugged, and took a sip of tea.
Suddenly, a giant meteorite landed on top of the Mane Six, and because this is an E-Rated trollfic, it just so happened to have a hollowed inside, allowing for the mares (and dragon) to simply be eternally trapped, instead of meeting their demise in an untimely fashion of being smothered by red-hot rock.
Twilight yawned. "Girls?" She asked, "How about we all take a nap now. After all, it's dark out."
"Um, Twilight?" Spike replied, "It's not dark out. There's an asteroid that inconveniently trapped all of us in your castle."
"Nonsense!" Rarity shouted from her couch in a very un-ladylike manner, "We must get our beauty sleep!"
Spike grumbled about being the only logical character in a poorly written fanfic as he crawled into a random pile of blankets that just happened to be in a convenient location.
"MIRROR SMASH!" Hops Mash yelled from the door, "GET YOUR SORRY PLOT OUT HERE!"
The pony of the names "Mirror" and "Smash" groaned, before proceeding to accidentally tumble out of her 3rd story apartment window into a rosebush.
"Smash-mouth, c'mon!" Hops yelled again-- in the mare's face, "The rest of us are gathering at our definitely-not-a-wooden-shack base of operations!"
"Why?" Mirror Smash asked, wincing in pain from the fact that there were currently thorns stuck in every conceivable biological location on her body.
"Y'know that Gummy gator thing that Pinkie Pie has?"
"Yeah?"
"His cousin's here, and he's... Godzilla."
"Wat."
"Exactly."
Fifteen ponies and a magic toaster gathered in the half-burnt wooden shed. Though, it was more like they were crammed into the space of an average kitchen counter, 'cause said wooden shed was originally a doghouse.
"And thus, the meeting has begun!" the toaster announced.
"Who invited the toaster? "
The toaster sighed, facepalming it's crudely-drawn sharpie face with a slice of bread. "You all did. After all, am I not the cousin of the famed Derpy Hooves?"
Carrion raised a rotten eyebrow. "Wait, remind us why you're a toaster again?"
The toaster groaned at the idea of having to mention his origins again .
"To put it simply," the kitchen appliance began, "I was once one of the only pegasi in existence with the ability to cast spells. I was so powerful, in fact, that I had been next in line for the throne, if Celestia was to ever fall. Obviously, I was kept a secret, for such a powerful mage would surely be targeted by fiends."
"...And?"
"And one day, I stumbled across a filly named Mirror Smash," the toaster continued, glaring at the mare with an unmoving eye of sharpie ink, "and that filly decided one day to make toast using my magically enchanted toaster."
"I SAID I WAS SORRY!" Mirror Smash wailed, "I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THE TOASTER WAS LINKED TO A MORPHING SPELL!"
The toaster shrugged it's nonexistent shoulders. "There's the rest of the story right there. The toast triggered the spell, and since I was in the kitchen with lil' Smash-mouth, it immediately latched onto me, combining my brilliant mind and abilities with it's slick, steel body and a random nearby sharpie."
"But why the sharpie?" Alcea asked, "Why not something better?"
"Like?"
"A knife?"
The toaster deadpanned it's horribly unmovable eyes. "Have you ever heard of someone who's stuck a knife in a toaster and survived?" A low murmur ensued as the tiny crowd spoke to themselves over the statement.
"Exactly. 'Cause they don't survive."
"I AM ROOT!"
"Yes, Root. You may calm down. Good timber pony."
The toaster flung a stick using its cord, and the timber pony named Root promptly followed after.
"Okay, so now that Root isn't here to bug us--"
"Hey, I liked Root!" Shouted Carrion.
"Shut up, pincushion. As I was saying, we're gathered here today to hear my announcement." the Toaster continued, "The mares that we have collectively known as the "Mane Six" are no more. They are prisoners in their own castle, trapped by a strange hollowed meteorite."
"YAAAAAAAAY!" The crowd cheered.
"No. That's a bad thing. We're for Equestria, not against it."
A few moments of silence passed, before the entire room burst into panic.
"We're doomed , I tell you!" Ghast screeched, "DOOMED! "
"SHUT UP!" The Toaster yelled in return. The crowd silenced at his command.
Root shuffled back into the crowd with his head hung low. At the notice of him, the Toaster focused his attention to the timber pony.
"What's wrong, Root?" Toaster asked as Root continued his sorry shuffle.
"Am... am I Root?" Root replied.
The Incredibly Stupidly Weird Story About 15 Random OCs
Author's Note
Hey Undead Equestria Writer, is it okay if Wavering Cold is also horribly naive and relatively easily triggered in addition to being shy?
Chaos happens, right?
Completely foregoing the events of the previous chapter, we now switch to the internal mental workings of yet another poorly planned/written character! In addition to that, let's make sure that every character can hear the narrator!
"HEY, WHO'RE YA CALLIN' POORLY WRITTEN?!" Yelled Hops Mash from far behind the fourth wall, "COME AT ME, BIOTCH!"
I'm talking about Dark Lightning. Y'know, the guy who's also a girl who's also a guy who's also a unicorn who's also an earth pony who's also a--
"Okay, okay, shut up."
Eh.
~~Dark Lightning~~ Easy Breeze swooped across the plain, whooping as the rest of his collective personas screamed in panic at the sensation of flight. Well, except for Hard Time. That personality's always wishing for the destruction of ponykind. But ignore that last bit. He isn't worth talking about right now.
Besides, this is Easy Breeze we're talking about.
And-- oh, okay. Not Easy Breeze anymore, apparently.
Easy Breeze/Dark Lightning was now cowering behind a couple of garbage cans, hiding from the pegasi who were now looking for him to get autographs.
"HEY, I'M A GIRL!"
Geez louise, Easy, what's up with you?
"Who's Easy Breeze? I'm Wavering Cold! And I'm a girl! "
Your body says otherwise.
"OKAY, WHO SET ME UP FOR THE SEX CHANGE?!"
Nobody did. You're born male.
"THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT ME TO THINK!"
Okay, seriously, calm yourself down. Like as in, all your personas, Lightning. There's already enough chaos as it is.
Wavering Cold/Easy Breeze/Dark Lightning froze, and a mildly disturbing grin began to creep upon his/her/something's face.
"HEY, SOMEPONY GIMME A TIME MACHINE BEFORE I CRUSH YOUR SKULLS!" Yelled Hard Time.
"NO!" Shouted Dark Lightning to himself, er... one of his mental images of himself.
"YESSSSSSSSSS!" Hard Time hissed back, causing Wavering Cold to internally shriek.
"ROOT!" Root shouted, sticking his head up in front of the pony conglomeration.
And then a Time Machine appeared out of nowhere, 'cause with how little logic there is left in this story, why not just get rid of the rest?
Hard Time rubbed his hooves together evilly, and went inside. Ten seconds later, he waltzed back out, complete with a bloody knife and the distinct smell of panicking griffon wafting from his body.
can you guess what happened to Carrion?!
The Incredibly Stupidly Weird Story About 15 Random OCs
Author's Note
Here comes more characters!
Is it okay if Yandere Mane acts kinda like Hulk, but less rage-y and constantly creating awkward moments?
More Chaos(?)
"Carrion?" Night Blossom purred at the counter of the local bar, "That's your name, right?"
"Huh?" Carrion groaned from the counter, "You said somethin'?"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Night Blossom squealed, "You talked to me!"
Carrion shrugged. "Yeah, so what? A lotta thestrals talk to me, and vice versa." He sniffed the air, and pulled out an air freshener tree. "Though, I'd recommend that you bring noseplugs if we ever meet again."
He finished his cider, and promptly left without a word.
"ACK!" Carrion squacked as he burst back into the bar through the window, "RUN!"
Night Blossom raised a brow, and gazed out the large hole in the window.
And there, just a couple feet in front of her, a hoof the size of a carriage stomped down. Said hoof in question happening to belong to Diamond Tiara, who unfortunately just stubbed it on a loose brick on the pavement.
And aside from the obvious differences between stepping on legos and actual bricks, one likely wouldn't notice the difference if they were the size of Godzilla, anyways.
"OWWWWWWWWWWW!" Diamond Tiara wailed, "STUPID BRICK!" She promptly kicked the brick, but missed and instead left an even larger hole in the bathroom wall of the bar.
"THAT'LL TEACH YOU!" She screamed as she stomped off.
Carrion peeked out from under a pile of bottles. "Is the giant gone?" He whispered to himself.
"MMmmmm... flesh ."
"GAH!"
Carrion whipped around to find an absurdly large zebrican pegasus licking Carrion's paw.
"Wh-- who are you?!" He burst, flinging himself from the bottles. Several shards of glass quickly implanted themselves in his bad wing, but it didn't really matter anyways 'cause Carrion's already dead. Kinda.
Yandere Mane rose. And rose... and rose.
Towering at nearly twice the height of Carrion, Yandere boomed down, "I AM YANDERE MANE. HELLO, SMALL DEAD THING."
"Um." Carrion squeaked, "BYE!"
Carrion rushed out of the bar through the same window, only to smack beak-first into yet another pair of giant hooves.
"AH!" Applebloom yelled, "AH KNEW WE SHOULDN'T'VE MESSED WITH THAT INTERCONNECTED GROWTH SPELL!"
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "Don't forget, Applebloom, I had to cast that spell to get us out of the time loop."
"Yeah!" Scootaloo shouted from even higher up, "At least I can fly now with these huge wings!"
Carrion, after getting his beak unstuck from Applebloom's hoof, looked up to see the source of the voice and absurdly strong wind.
And spotted a tiny pegasus filly with wings the size of supermarkets.
Just think about it. Imagine Scootaloo with a normal-sized body, but wings the size of Walmart buildings.
The Incredibly Stupidly Weird Story About 15 Random OCs
DEATH, DESTRUCTION, AND... oh hey, a stick.
"Hey, hey" Steele Casemate began, elbowing Dark Lightning in the ribs as he continued mentally competing for dominance over his body, "Did you know that I'm Princess Luna's daughter?"
Dark Lightning rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Shut up," Iron Cider yapped in return, grabbing control over the body.
"HEY!" Dark Lightning suddenly yelled just before falling off the stool, "This is my body!"
"Heh. Yeah, right ." Easy Breeze snarked in return as their collective body crumpled onto the floor, "It's not like as if I'm the one that has the best control over this body, anyways. Get it? CONTROL?! "
"Um... would all of you please quiet down?" Wavering Cold asked from the back of their mind, "Pencil Shavings and I don't really like the volume that you're all shouting at."
Steele Casemate stared at the convulsing body of Dark Lightning talking to himself on the floor.
"Uh......." the mare began, her mind failing to comprehend the current event that was unfolding in front of her. "I can fix it!" She yelled, "...probably." She promptly rushed off to find the nearest stick she could find, along the way running face first into the doorframe.
"FUC--"
"NO SWEARS! GIMME THAT LOLLIPOP!"
"Aww..." Steele Casemate whined as Pinkie disappeared with the sucker in hoof, "Oh well. Time to get another one anyhow."
Spastic jerking and self-arguing aside, Dark Lightning promptly passed out on the floor in the coffee shop. Meanwhile, Steele Casemate began her quest to find a stick.
"We gotta save Equestria!" The toaster yelled, "The Mane Six are nowhere to be found, Dark Lightning just had a heck of a seizure! And do you know what's worst of all?"
The (smaller) crowd grumbled about themselves. Nopony knew what the toaster was talking about, and frankly, nopony cared anyways.
"What?" Root finally asked through a voice synthesizer, "Tell us, O Great warrior of steel and heating elements. Tell us your ways, your ideas... our souls strive for only the greatest."
Ignoring the surprisingly intelligent speech, the crowd did nothing but grumble even more.
Finally, the toaster yelled, "A PAIR OF PRETTILY PEELED PEARS POUNCED ON PIPSQUEAK'S PLUMP POD OF PUCKS!"
"...What?" the collective murmur of the various creatures finally uttered.
Author's Note
I really need to finish this thing.
The Incredibly Stupidly Weird Story About 15 Random OCs
Author's Note
I've lost track of which OCs have already been used and which haven't been used yet. Even though this is the final chapter, I'll make a special bonus chapter for any OCs that I missed. Sorry if I missed yours.
But yeah, I'm pretty much out of it right now, and I've been bleeding ideas everywhere for a while too, so... yeah, have a (moderately) generic "World devolves into chaos" ending, which has been typical of most of my stories to end with.
THE FINAL EVENT
The toaster shrugged. "Idunno," it replied, "Felt like the right thing to say."
"Then why are we here?!" Silver Stormwing yelled, "Tell us something worth knowing!"
For a moment, the room went silent as the toaster contemplated the idea of something that was actually worth the time to tell.
"Well?" Stormwing grunted, hovering above the crowd, "Spit it out, or I'll buck it outta you!"
"Ah, yes..." it finally began, minutes of silence later. "Dark Lightning's most recent seizure was the result of his personalities waging war on each other in his mind. Every time one of them took over, they would send a powerful surge of magic coursing through his body, and out into the open."
"WHAT DOES DARK LIGHTNING HAVE TO DO WITH POSSIBLE WORLD-ENDING DOOM?!"
"Simple." The toaster replied, "Dark Lightning has been chipping away in secret at the logical and temporal function of our reality. As we speak, we're currently tumbling at an exponentially increasing rate towards ultimate levels of entropy, as well as the complete and utter breakdown of time itself."
"But why? "
"Idunno, ask Hard Time. He's the one with the time machine."
Root recoiled in shock. "MY TIME MACHINE?!" He shouted in surprise, "HOW DID HE GET HIS HOOVES ON IT?!"
Though, his voicebox device kinda... broke moments prior, so instead, it came out as "MY TIOOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT?!"
Everypony stared.
And then the universe imploded on itself, at the same time ex ploding as well, sending toenails worth of kittenballs flying in every not-direction. Root barked happily as he began to bury the bones of his enemies, Alcea became a Ninja Turtle riding Ghast, Derpy's cousin turned back into himself, and Carrion and Mirror Smash fused into a single being, bent on the ultimate takeover of Discord's nose-hairs. Also, Hops Mash proceeded to throw up rainbow potatoes into a pocket universe.
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