The (Thankfully) Only Chapter
Sweetie Bell is the worst pony ever, and I’m gonna tell you why!
First of all she has a stupid face. Of course lots of ponies have a stupid face, but Sweetie Belle’s is the stupidest face in all of Equestria. If there was a contest for who had the stupidest face, Sweetie Belle would beat Discord AND Tirek and win the prize for having the stupidest face in the world.
Also, Sweetie Belle isn’t cute. Not at all! She’s so uncute even cooties avoid her! Sweetie Belle is so uncute that she has an uncutie mark stamped right on her uncute, stupid flank. Which brings me to my next two points.
Her cutie mark is just plain dumb! A shield with a music note? What’s that supposed to do? Shield our ears from her terrible singing voice? Because honestly, if we’re telling the truth, even crows can sing better than Sweetie Belle, and everypony who says that she can sing is just being polite because they don’t want to hurt her feelings.
And she uses way too much mane-spray too, and it makes her smell funny! That’s why her mane looks like it’s made of plastic. And not only that, but she has tail extensions. That right everypony, Sweetie Belle’s tail is actually a weave!
And if that wasn’t bad enough, she never trims her hooves and I swear she only takes a bath, like, once a week! Combine that with all the main spray that she uses and you’ve got a pretty big case of stinkiness!
And speaking of stinkiness, she farts like ALL the time. She doesn’t even try to hold it in, like at all! She’s be sitting at Sugarcube Corner and all of a sudden, poot there it is. She farts when other ponies are eating, she farts in the movie theatre, I heard she even farted in a glass elevator in Manehatten, and it was stinking so bad that ponies were tossing their cookies! And heaven help the pony who has to use the bathroom behind her. She blows up the toilet every single time. Even at another pony’s house. And a plunger won’t clear up that mess. Oh know, you better call the roto-reuter pony if you want ever flush that thrown again.
And she always makes those big eye’s when she wants something, because she thinks is cute. Pfft, it’s as uncute as everything else about her stupid face. She just doesn’t realize ponies just giving her she wants because of how pathetic she is. I don’t know how she doesn’t see that. It must be because she’s just SO stupid! It’s the only reason there could possibly be.
Because Sweetie Belle is a special kind of stupid. It’s hard to imagine how a pony could be that stupid. But then you look at her parents and you’re like, “Oh yeah, that’s how.” Not to mention that her mom drank the whole time she was pregnant, so it’s not surprising that she came out brain-damaged.
And she’s a total floozy. I mean, she’ll make out with anypony. Colt, Filly, it doesn’t even matter to her. I heard she even made out with that wrinkled old stallion who always walking around Ponyville being all creepy and weird. In fact, I heard one time she even made out with an apple tree and pretended it was Big Macintosh.
So you’d think, with all the ponies she tongue-tangos with, she’d at least be good at it, right? Wrong! Sweetie Belle is the worst kisser you could possibly imagine! You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t stick her tongue in your nostril because she’s THAT bad at it. And not only that, but her breath smells like garbage. That’s right, and not regular garbage either. I’m talking about rotten onions left in the can all week with moldy bread soaked in spoiled milk garbage!
And that’s not worst of it! Her big, disgustingly fat flank is covered in pimples and ingrown fur. Which makes sense given that her coat is so matted because she NEVER brushes it. I guess she’s worried that if she groomed her coat, then all her fleas might end up homeless. Which now that I think about it is probably also why she never takes a bath.
And her personality is about as much fun as watching garbage rotting in the sun. Which is actually way more fun than hanging out with Sweetie Belle, and smells better too! Her own parents can’t stand her so they just leave her with Rarity all the time, but her sister can’t stand her either, so she sends her the play with Apple Bloom, and Applejack really can’t stand her, so she built a special shack all the way out on the edge of the farm just so she doesn’t ever have to be around Sweetie Belle with her ugly face and her smelly flank!
And that, everypony is why Sweetie Belle is the worst pony in Equestria in the history of ever.
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“Button Mash,” Cheerilee addressed the young colt in a severely scolding tone. “Aside from all the horrible, mean, and downright nasty things you’ve just said about Sweetie Belle, and you are in trouble for that mister, you’re report was supposed to be about the history of the Elements of Harmony. Did you even do the actual assignment?”
I’m sorry Miss Cheerilee.” Button didn’t sound or look very sorry. “I had to expose the truth about what a horrible pony Sweetie Belle really is. It’s long past time the truth came out.”
“Well you’re going to saty after class then, until you finish the real assignment.” Cheerilee glared at the angry colt. “And you can sure that I most certainly calling you mother in for a very stern parent teacher conference! Now everypony except for Button Mash can have an extra half hour of recess this afternoon. Button Mash, you can spend an extra hour composing a very sincere letter of apology the Miss Belle, which you will then read to the rest of the class.”
A few minutes later, The CMC stood around the playground exchanging looks of shock and dismay. Finally Apple Bloom spoke up, “So Ah take it you broke up with Button Mash.”
“Yeah.” Sweetie Belle rubbed the back of her head with on hoof, then smiled brightly. “Honestly he took it better than I expect."
