“I’m telling you, Bonnie, that filly is bad news!”
“Mm hmm,” said Bon Bon through a mouthful of cereal.
Lyra tore her eyes away from the window and scowled as her housemate continued reading the newspaper whilst comfortably seated at the table. She gave her a half-lidded stare. “You’re not even listening, are you?”
“Mm hmm.”
“Ugh.” She shook her head and looked back out the window.
Outside their home, on the opposite side of the street stood a cosy little cottage of wood and stone with a picturesque plume of smoke wafting from its chimney that belied its sinister nature as a base of operations for Berry Punch and her filly, Ruby Pinch. Funny things had a tendency to follow those two wherever they went. Ponies told Lyra that it was just her perception, and that Ponyville was already kind of weird anyways, but she knew better.
Oh, she did.
“Look, I have proof now. Have you seen how many times Foal Protection Services has sent somepony over there? At least once a month!”
“Uh huh, so you’ve told me. Several times already, in fact.” Bon Bon sighed and waved her cereal spoon around like a teacher’s rod. “Berry Punch’s a single mum. It’s not unusual, except maybe for the frequency of visits. It’s not proof of anything crazy.”
“They never come back out.”
“How’d you know? Unless you were watching the front door the whole da—” Bon Bon’s voice suddenly cut off as she slowly lowered the newspaper to peer at Lyra. “You watched the house the whole day. Do I have to tell you how close that is to stalker territory? It’s pretty illegal, especially if a kid is involved.”
“It’s for the good of Equestria!” Lyra protested. “Anyway, we’re talking about missing ponies, here. How is that not the main point of our discussion?”
“You sure you didn’t miss their exit? Like while you were peeing or something?”
“I never left the window.”
“You can hold it that long?”
“Who said anything about holding it?”
Bon Bon’s mouth opened, then closed again as she levelled a scowl at Lyra. “I get the feeling that asking you about the logistics of that would be a terrible idea. Just… are you sure they didn’t go out through the backdoor?”
Lyra shrugged. “I don’t know. But if they were trying to take them to a more secure location for brainwashing, they’re sure to sneak out from there. Either way, there’s something real fishy going on in that house!”
Bon Bon sipped some tea and rolled her eyes. “Lyra, if their ponies were missing or brainwashed, I’m pretty sure that FPS would’ve picked up on it and called the royal guards or something. Seriously, just admit that all this is because you’ve got some weird feud thing going on with Berry’s kid ever since she accidentally knocked your lyre into the mud with her ball, and you’re trying pretty darn hard to make her out to be some kind of monster brat.”
“Bonnie, she shot the ball through a wooden fence first. Normal fillies can’t infuse a rubber ball with enough velocity and magic to break through that at supersonic speed and not explode at the same time!”
“I imagine Princess Twilight Sparkle might’ve at her age.”
Lyra snorted. “I said normal fillies.”
“Also, didn’t Ruby thoroughly trounce you in front of all her friends when she challenged you to shooting hoops that time?”
Lyra blinked. A nondescript speck of dust on the couch suddenly looked awfully captivating. “I… I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Oh please.” Bon Bon grinned wickedly and waggled her eyebrows. “I see you sneaking off to the playground to every now and then to play with the kids. I’ve yet to see you get even with her, though, and from what I can tell, she never lets you forget it.”
“What?” Lyra felt her face going red and sputtered, “Sh-shut up! She’s totally cheating in every game, I’m sure of it. Her skills are not natural; we’re talking Tartarus-level kind of shenanigans when it comes to stamina, accuracy and luck. Berry’s probably feeding her all sorts of stimulants or performing unholy rituals to turn that kid into some kind of prodigy!”
“But—”
“And I’ve seen that filly mucking around Twilight’s castle, hiding magic runes on the walls and under rocks. I don’t know what they’re for, but every time she does that, something goes boom in Twilight’s lab on the same day. Sometimes even Berry sneaks around with her at night.” Lyra threw up her hooves in exasperation and gripped Bon Bon’s shoulders. “They’re up to something, and I’m the only one who seems to notice. You’ve got to believe me!”
“Your pancakes are getting cold. You sure you don’t want to talk about normal things like music, cute stallion butts or multi-digit prosthetics for a change? This Ruby Pinch conspiracy theory is taking over your life, and I’m getting kind of worried.” Bon Bon paused for a moment, then thoughtfully added, “More so than usual, anyway.”
Lyra glanced out the window and shook her head. “I know what I saw.”
“Like that time you were sure Rarity was a changeling?”
“Not my fault. She was messing around with a Necronomicon-thingy that gave her glowy green eyes and magic.”
“Or that time you were sure that Vinyl Scratch was a vampire and tried to stuff garlic down her throat?”
“Seriously, who wears their Nightmare Night costume on normal days?”
Bon Bon sighed and carried a plate stacked with honey-drowned pancakes over to her. Lyra took the plate in her magic and proceeded with stuffing her mouth, chewing silently as she watched ponies going about their business in the morning sunshine.
“I think I’m starting to regret telling you about my secret identity,” Bon Bon mused as she sat next to her. “Ever since that, you’ve been poking your nose into way too many conspiracy theories. You’re getting paranoid. Not everypony’s an undercover agent or doomsday cultist, you know.”
Lyra didn’t answer.
The clock dinged just then, the last of which was almost in perfect synchrony with the front door of Berry’s house opening to reveal Ruby Pinch, laden with her saddlebags for school. Like clockwork every weekday, timed to perfection, she pranced down the lawn and stopped to look directly at Lyra’s window. The filly couldn’t possibly see into the house, but it was as if she knew that Lyra was watching her every move and couldn’t do a darn thing about it. Her secrets were not for the likes of mere mortals.
The little pink unicorn shot her a smirk through the glass and resumed prancing down the street.
Lyra swallowed a mouthful of pancake and ground her teeth. “She’s toying with me, I know it!”
“Oh, brother…” Bon Bon sighed and patted Lyra on the back. “Look, how about I call in a few favours and get one of my old contacts to see if he can dig up any info on Berry Punch, hmm? He’s the best at what he does, and when he finds a perfectly normal single mum, will you promise to drop this unhealthy fixation?”
Lyra’s eyes widened. “You’ll do that for me?”
“For a friend? Sure.”
Lyra jumped up to give her a hug, but Bon Bon held her back with a stern look. “But only if you promise to hold off on the stalking for now. Give him a few days to gather intel and all that. Deal?”
She bit her lip. “But—”
Bon Bon’s eyebrows curved downward. “Deal?”
Lyra rolled her eyes and grumbled. “Fine. Deal. But you can bet I’m buying lots of ice cream to make up for this.”
* * * * *
In spite of herself, Lyra found that she enjoyed taking a break from keeping a close eye on Ruby Pinch. The free hours in a day suddenly multiplied like breeding rabbits, until she almost didn’t know what to do with them. Playing music in town felt more like a hobby than a job once more, and she’d even started going out with Twilight and the gang again.
After one particularly crazy day at the derby, Lyra was just sitting on the living room couch, playing a soothing tune on her lyre for the evening when Bon Bon came in through the front door.
“Good news, Lyra!”
“Huh?”
“Remember that contact I told you about? He just got back to me. And he says that as far as he can tell, Berry Punch is just a normal citizen of Ponyville.” Bon Bon paused thoughtfully for a moment and then shrugged. “Well, as normal as we can all get in this town, anyway. She’s got a lot of experience as a barmaid and knows a thing or two about brewing. Went to college in Vanhoover and had a short stint in royal guard training after that. Probably got Ruby Pinch by accident, because there’s no info on the dad. Overall, nothing diabolical or ominous.”
Lyra frowned. “Is that all? That can’t be it.”
Bon Bon fished a substantial stack of paper out of her saddlebag and dumped it on the coffee table. “I have detailed files. If you want to spend the whole night looking through them, then suit yourself, but I can tell you that I didn’t see anything odd after going through every single one. So… will you keep your promise?”
“But…”
“Uh-uh. No take-backsies!”
Lyra frowned and stared at the floor. Was she really seeing bogeymares where none existed? Was she really that obsessed with Ruby Pinch just because she didn’t want to admit that the kid was a better player than her in just about every ball game? It felt like Bon Bon was asking her to consent to having a tooth pulled without anaesthetic, but if she was really stalking a kid and making things up and spreading rumours everywhere about her mother…
Oh hayseed, I’m such an awful pony.
“Hey, where are you going?” asked Bon Bon as Lyra crawled off the couch and shambled towards her room.
“I… I think I need to lie down.”
“Hey, don’t sweat it, okay? We all make mistakes.”
“Yeah, I guess. Good night, Bonnie.” She crawled into bed and buried her face beneath the pillow.
“I… okay, have a good rest, Lyra.”
She didn’t answer. The floorboards creaked as Bon Bon shuffled around outside her room, as if uncertain about her next course of action. That didn’t happen very often. Eventually, though, her hoofsteps faded away as she murmured, “Hope you feel better in the morning.”
The following Saturday, Lyra went straight to the park after breakfast, intent on catching Ruby Pinch at her usual playtime and apologise to her for being such a colossal fathead.
She strode through the entrance and spotted the filly playing near the seesaws with her two friends, Button Mash and Dinky. Most unfortunate. Lyra didn’t fancy apologising in front of the other kids, but if Ruby stuck with them all day, then she would never get it off her back. Come to think of it, that seemed exactly like the sort of thing that Ruby Pinch would make her do: humiliate herself in front of others just like she did every time they played ba—
No, no, bad Lyra! Stop thinking bad things about other ponies!
She took a deep breath and sighed. But just as she took the first steps crossing the long stretch of grass to the swings, Lyra noticed three earth pony colts with mean faces making their way towards the three kids. They were noticeably bigger – probably a grade or two above Ruby and her friends – and from the looks of things, they were not there to play nice.
Lyra knew that she should step in and steer them all away from trouble, but she couldn’t help wondering just how Pinchy was going to react to the confrontation. In her experience, the little unicorn had an almost uncanny level-headedness in tense situations and could probably shrug off even the most scathing remarks; she’d been totally unfazed by Lyra’s temper when she’d knocked her musical instrument into the mud.
She ducked behind a convenient cluster of bushes and watched, reasoning that she could always step in if things really got out of hoof, after all.
Things pretty much progressed from there as expected. The bigger colts surrounded Ruby, Button and Dinky, and though she was too far away to hear their words, she was pretty certain that it involved lots of name-calling, taunting, and other aggressive posturing. Ruby calmly spoke back with a straight face, whilst Dinky and Button averted their gazes with ears flattened. Mean laughter reached her ears, and she found her blood pressure rising when one of the colts shoved Dinky to the ground. Button tried to fight back but got knocked down as well, and they both looked on the verge of tears as the three older colts rounded on Ruby.
I really should do something…
But she couldn’t stop watching.
Ruby Pinch exchanged more words with the colts. They laughed some more. Then, the ringleader tried to hit her.
Quick as lightning, Ruby jabbed a hoof forward and struck the colt somewhere above his collarbone, and his eyes widened in surprise. A second later, he keeled over and lay on the ground, twitching in silence. One of his cronies rushed forward and tackled Ruby, but before hitting the ground, she somehow managed to spin and flip back onto her hooves and catch him in a choke hold. She pressed a hoof against the base of his neck, and he only managed to an incomprehensible grunt before he slumped to the ground with his tongue lolling out. The last bully took one terrified look at Ruby and fled, bawling like a foal whilst Button and Dinky watched, slack-jawed.
Ruby Pinch helped her friends up, and after a minute or two of talking, they both perked up, bumped hooves with their friend and went back to having fun on the seesaw as if the two incapacitated bullies on the ground didn’t even exist. Lyra shook her head and muttered under her breath.
Holy guacamole, I knew there was something messed-up about that filly!
Then, Lyra’s blood chilled as Ruby turned and looked directly at her. She tilted her head, narrowed her eyes, and then her mouth twisted into a mischievous grin as she began trotting towards her hiding spot. Lyra felt an eye twitch.
Uh oh.
She curled up and crawled deeper amongst the scrubby vegetation, wincing as twigs and thorns poked her all over the place.
“Hi Lyra! Wanna play with us?” Ruby said in a singsong voice just outside the bush.
“Um… no thanks. Just taking a walk in the park!” she shot back.
“Isn’t that easier to do on the path?”
A bead of sweat ran down Lyra’s temple. “I… I just like a challenge!”
“Right…” Ruby’s voice simply dripped with sarcasm. “Well, if you change your mind, come say hi to my friends!”
After what I saw? Fat chance.
Lyra lay still and listened as the clip clop of Ruby’s hooves grew distant. Once satisfied that the filly had her attention on other business, she poked her head out of the bush and saw the two bullies groggily stumbling towards the park’s exit, whilst Ruby and her friends scurried around the slides and swings, laughing and squealing like completely innocent colts and fillies. She knew that at least one of them didn’t fall under that description.
After a rather prickly minute of extricating herself from the bushes, Lyra dashed home as quickly as she could. She flopped onto her bed and stared at the ceiling as she mentally replayed what she’d seen over and over again.
Ruby Pinch clearly had skills that nopony her age should’ve – skills that went way beyond what any kiddie martial arts classes could teach. Who knew what else that filly was capable of? If that one was true, then maybe Lyra wasn’t imagining all the other oddities as well. Ponyville could be in danger for all they knew, and nopony even suspected it!
Plus, with Bon Bon out on some errands, she didn’t have somepony on hoof who’d know what to do in such a situation.
That’s if she even believes you in the first place…
She’d stewed in bed for almost an hour before an idea finally made it through the storm of apocalyptic scenarios in her head. Berry Punch had gone out to get her groceries, and Lyra knew that she always liked keeping one of the living room windows open for ventilation.
She sighed.
Somepony’s got to do something. Might as well be me.
Dear Bon Bon,
I’ve gone into Berry’s house to get evidence for real this time. I’m taking the camera. Sorry for going behind your back, but I know you won’t approve and will probably stop me if I told you.
If I find nothing, I promise to drop this forever and ever and ever, I swear. If I’m not back by noon, you’ll know they’ve gotten to me. Please save me with your secret agent skills.
Your buddy,
Lyra
She stuck the note onto the fridge, then slung a camera around her neck and headed out.
Sneaking into Berry’s house proved easier than expected. Lyra encountered no traps or hidden sentries as she crossed the lawn and climbed in through the window. Once in, she began her search; she had just under an hour to safely find something suspicious or incriminating. Anything longer and she’d risk getting caught.
The living room, kitchen and bedrooms proved disappointingly normal. A little simplistic for her taste as far as décor went, but after fifteen frantic minutes of combing through the house, the most heinous thing she could find was a half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich with chunks of ginger in it. Blasphemous for sure, but not illegal or dangerous.
However, when she descended the stairs leading to the basement, she found her way barred by a wooden door reinforced with steel bars.
Bingo.
It took a bit of effort, but a lifetime of practice with delicate instruments had given her the magical articulation necessary to glean the inner workings of the massive padlock and put all of the tumblers into the correct positions. The lock opened with a satisfying clank, and she allowed herself a little grin as she sidled into the dark.
Unicorns, one – earth ponies, zero.
After a bit of fumbling around, she found the light switch and flipped it on.
“Stars above…” she whispered.
She’d expected a musty old basement filled with lots of dirty furniture and possibly a few contraband magical objects. Berry Punch clearly had other ideas.
Swords, crossbows, slings, spears and padded barding of various sizes gleamed on sturdy racks at the far end of the basement, right next to the crates filled with capped lengths of pipe, stoppered jars and phials, each of which had fuses poking out of one end. On the opposite side of the basement stood a long workbench topped with all sorts of chemical apparatuses like the ones she remembered at college, and its upper surface was pockmarked with black splotches that suspiciously resembled flame and acid burns. The last corner had a couple of chairs and a small table standing before a chalkboard filled with equations, diagrams and a few scientific terms that made her shiver – she barely remembered anything from College Chemistry, but she was quite sure that nitro-glycerine meant bad news all around.
Lyra trotted over to the study table and peered at the open book on top. It had drawings detailing pony anatomy and several martial-artsy poses, and its owner had highlighted bits like ‘pressure point’ and ‘resuscitate in less than ten minutes to avoid brain damage’.
To top it all off, the whole place had excellent ventilation. Aside from a slightly caustic scent coming from the chemistry table, the air smelt as fresh as the outdoors, and the concrete flooring had barely a trace of dust. If she knew anything about military life, she would’ve imagined that a drill sergeant would’ve shed tears of pride upon seeing such a meticulously well-kept war bunker.
After a few minutes of drinking in the obscene amount of evidence, Lyra remembered that she had brought a camera along. Her camera clicked and whirred ceaselessly as she did a careful and methodical sweep of the area. She made extra sure not to even let a hair touch anything, especially the homemade pipe bombs and their apparent launcher, which consisted of a long tube of metal connected to a revolving cluster of barrels and a crossbow handle.
A grim smile twisted her lips as she snapped a picture of a copy of War Thaums, which she remembered seeing in the catalogue of the restricted section in Starswirl’s library. Whether obtained through illegal means or not, she was absolutely sure that Ruby should not be reading any of the spells contained within. Even Twilight, for all her crazy enthusiasm for books and open learning, wouldn’t let something like this slide.
“They can’t ignore me any longer,” she muttered.
“Ignore you about what?” asked a squeaky voice.
Lyra yelped and nearly bonked her skull against the ceiling as she spun-leaped around to face the exit, now blocked by a little pink filly at the top of the stairs.
Her heart rate spiked to coffee-rush speed as Ruby Pinch smiled sweetly at her.
“What’cha doing down there?”
Slowly, Lyra slung the camera around her neck and bit her lip as she tried to think past the pounding in her ears. “Uh, we ran out of... milk. And I hopped over to ask if you had some.”
Ruby blinked. “You wanted milk.”
Lyra nodded. “And then I got lost.”
“Right. The fridge is upstairs in the kitchen.” She then narrowed her eyes. “But what’s with the camera?”
I’m dead. I’m so dead.
It took every ounce of Lyra’s willpower not to immediately bolt and try to barrel her way past the filly. Instead, she grinned and shuffled on the spot, ignoring the pinpricks of hair standing straight up on the back of her neck. “Well… since I’m always getting lost, I needed it to… retrace my steps?”
Smooth. Real smooth. I am not a clever pony. Like, at all.
Ruby Pinch’s scowl deepened, and for an instant, Lyra considered throwing up a magical barrier in case she tried to incapacitate her. But the moment passed, and her deceptively cute smile returned. “Well, okay then. Exit’s this way.”
Lyra couldn’t believe her ears as the filly trotted up and out of sight. Not for a second. It had to be a trap, right?
Ruby’s head reappeared around the corner as she beckoned her over with a foreleg. “What’cha waiting for? Come with me if you want to leave.”
I really should’ve paid more attention in teleportation class…
Upon reaching the living room, she saw that Ruby had shut the window from which she’d entered, and probably locked it too, for good measure. Lyra briefly toyed with the idea of just crashing through one of them and making a break for it, but the thought of picking glass out of her hide kept her from doing just that. She wasn’t quite that desperate. Yet.
It took her a moment to realise that Ruby had led her to the kitchen instead of the front door. She gulped silently.
No, Lyra, stop looking at all the sharp knives. She’s not going to do anything that nasty to you. She’s just a filly. Right?
Ruby had stuck her front half into the fridge, and Lyra stiffened, ready to leap away from danger, when she whirled back out with something in her yellow-green magical grasp.
“Relax, they’re just peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Ma always tells me to feed guests if she’s not around, and these are the only things I can make that ponies like,” said Ruby, waving the plate of snacks before Lyra’s muzzle. “Want one? My friends say they’re really good.”
She had to admit that they smelled pretty delicious, and her stomach growled its approval.
Et tu, Tummy?
Still, it was almost lunchtime, and all the excitement had worked up a monstrous appetite that made her traitorous hoof reach out for a piece of gooey goodness pasted between sliced bread…
Lyra snatched her hoof back at the last second and narrowed her eyes. “You didn’t put anything else in them, did you?”
Ruby didn’t answer immediately. Instead, she kept steady eye contact with her whilst holding the plate steady in mid-air, and the tension in Lyra’s jittery nerves worsened with each passing second. A bead of sweat slid down her temple.
Eventually, Ruby sighed and hung her head. “Okay, I did put some dreamweed extract in the top sandwiches. You’ll be out like a light in a minute if you eat them, and then Ma will drop you off somewhere far away to wake up.”
“Hah! I knew it!” Lyra crowed, pumping a hoof in the air. Then, she froze in mid-cheer and stared at her. “Wait, why would you even do that?”
“Because you were snooping around in the basement, and Ma doesn’t like ponies snooping around without permission.” Ruby rolled her eyes and giggled. “I’m not stupid, you know. I need to be smart if I’m going to become the future leader of ponykind.”
Lyra blinked. “Say what?”
“What. Hee hee!”
Her left eye twitched.
Ruby’s smile faltered, and her ears drooped a little. She then levitated the plate of sandwiches onto the counter and placed them there with a dull clatter. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop teasing you. It’s just that Ma keeps telling me not to tell anypony about the future and all that. It’s hard to pretend I’m just a silly filly all the time, you know? For once, it would be nice to have somepony other than Ma who I can talk to about what’s coming. I like you, and I think you’ll understand.”
A part of Lyra practically shivered in anticipation of busting the mystery wide open, but Ruby’s serious shift in demeanour also chilled her to the bone, somehow. Suddenly, she didn’t quite feel so curious about the secrets Berry Punch and her filly kept. And even if it was just another trick to throw her off, it didn’t really feel like one.
Oh well, I’ve come this far…
“What are you talking about?” she whispered.
“The end of the world, and how we’re going to survive as a species.”
“That’s quite enough, young filly!” somepony shouted from behind.
Lyra had just enough time to whirl around and see a mulberry-coloured blur bearing down upon her like a freight train at breakneck speed. She felt pressure on her shoulders, and the world spun and tumbled before finally introducing her chin to the floorboards. Her eyeballs took a moment to focus, and when they finally did, she squeaked as Berry Punch snapped the camera’s strap like twine and tossed it aside whilst pinning her down. The older mare didn’t look particularly angry; she simply had a cold gaze, like a doctor trying to figure out the best way to cut out a gross tumour.
“Ma, please don’t knock her out!” cried Ruby as Berry lifted drew back a hoof for a swift punch.
“She’s seen too much,” Berry growled.
Lyra’s mouth had gone dry. She tried to protest her innocence, but no words came out.
“Can’t I please have one friend in on the secret, just this once?” asked Ruby with a pout.
Berry sighed. “No, sweetie. We’ve talked about this. Sorry, Lyra. Nothing personal.”
In one swift motion, Berry jabbed a hoof against the side of Lyra’s neck. Almost instantly, she felt pins and needles spreading from up from the base of her skull to her cheeks. At the same time, everything below her neck went numb. She couldn’t feel herself breathing anymore, and her heart thumped loudly enough in her ears to drown out whatever Ruby was yelling at Berry. Clouds obscured the edge of her vision, and then her eyes rolled up into her head.
* * * * *
Her hearing came back first. Voices bounced back and forth in the darkness, and it took her a while to recognise them as belonging to Berry and Ruby.
“—not your fault, sweetie. I know it’s tough being alone like this, but the future is more important than our happiness.”
A sigh, followed by Ruby’s voice. “I… I guess. Can I keep playing with her, at least?”
“Maybe. So long as you’re careful and she does not remember a thing.”
Lyra peeled her eyes open and saw the two of them sitting on the couch opposite of her position. Berry was hugging her daughter tightly; a degree of affection that Lyra hadn’t seen before. Her most frequent impression of Berry Punch in public was a surly mare drinking her liver into oblivion when she wasn’t playing barkeeper, or smoking whilst performing manual labour for whoever had hired her for the day. She found it hard to believe that this same mare was the one sneaking around Twilight’s castle at night with her filly, but then again…
She couldn’t move anything below her neck. At least everything felt present and in their right places, thank the stars for that, but beyond a few feeble twitches, her body refused to obey any instructions to get up from the sofa and run. Not that she could, anyway; they’d tied her up with rope, and she could feel the cold touch of a magic suppression ring around her horn.
With considerable effort, she managed to tilt her head just a little to get a better view of the living room. The front door stood on the opposite end of the room, behind Berry’s couch and far, far out of her reach.
“Shoot. She’s awake,” Berry Punch muttered.
Lyra opened her mouth and tried to scream for help as her neighbour got up and trotted over, probably intent on knocking her out again. Ruby simply watched with drooping ears.
Her tongue felt swollen and her throat dry as sand, and she only managed a whiny groan.
Sweet Celestia, if anypony is out there, please help me!
A sharp series of knocks on the door rang out, freezing Berry on the spot.
“Berry, Ruby, are you in there? It’s Bon Bon.”
Woo hoo! I’m saved!
Lyra’s heart soared as Berry Punch scowled at the door.
“Have you girls seen Lyra? She’s been gone a while and I’m a little worried about what she’s up to.”
Lyra watched in silence as Berry trotted over to the door, no doubt to spin some story about having a perfectly normal day with her filly at home and totally not seeing her anywhere all day. Well, she wasn’t going down without a fight. Technically, she had already, but she could still make a comeback.
She drew in a deep breath and let loose a hoarse scream. “Help! They’ve got me!”
Silence filled the house. Berry gave her the stink eye.
The door thumped and rattled for a few seconds, followed by a decisive click. Then, it nearly flew off its hinges as Bon Bon exploded into the living room. Her pupils shrank to pinpricks when she saw Lyra all trussed up on the sofa, and a growl escaped her before she drew a breath to demand to know what Berry was trying to do.
But before Bon Bon could get a word out, Berry tackled her to the floor, yelling, “Pinchy! Get into the basement and lock the door. Do it now!”
Ruby hesitated for a moment, then fled at a gallop out of Lyra’s stationary vision.
Bon Bon simply stared at Berry, apparently caught completely off guard.
Lyra screeched a warning for her to get up, and luckily she did before Berry could attack her pressure points or something. She batted Berry’s hoof aside and twisted until she got her hind legs beneath the older mare to deliver a powerful double-kick. Berry flew up and crashed into the ceiling with a grunt, but landed squarely on her hooves just as Bon Bon flipped herself back onto all fours. They circled slowly, sizing each other up like prowling leopards.
“Nice moves. Who taught you to fight like that?” asked Bon Bon.
“None of your business,” said Berry. And then she charged.
Bon Bon sidestepped the attack and caught Berry in a choke hold similar to what Ruby Pinch had used on the colt earlier, but through sheer momentum, Berry kept going and slammed into the wall with enough force to send a few pictures crashing to the floor. Bon Bon breath whooshed out as she released her hold, but she kept a clear head and deflected a flurry of hoof strikes meant for her face or neck. She landed a few punches in retaliation, but Berry didn’t seem to feel any of them, and her blinding speed forced Bon Bon to remain on the defensive.
Despite the onslaught, Bon Bon eventually found enough space to leap backwards and get some breathing room. Once out of Berry’s reach, she growled, “Okay, that’s it. Playtime’s over.”
Faster than Lyra’s eyes could follow, Bon Bon reached into some hidden pouch and threw what looked like a pebble at Berry’s hooves. It exploded into a cloud of misty smoke about twice the size of a pony, and tiny arcs of lightning crackled within. Berry’s yelp was cut short as the lightning intensified, and Lyra gasped as her dark silhouette did a twitchy dance inside the cloud, flashing brightly enough to highlight her skeleton. Five seconds later, the cloud dissipated, and Berry crumpled to the floor with a groan, trailing smoke from her blackened mane and tail.
Sweet Celestia, that’s some scary stuff.
After taking a moment to catch her breath, Bon Bon trotted over to Berry and prodded her with a hoof. When the older mare simply glared at her, she nodded grimly and huffed, “Shocking, I know.”
Lyra giggled. She’d never pegged Bon Bon as a fan of cheesy one-liners.
“You okay, Lyra?”
“Mm hmm.”
“Keep an eye on her. I’ll be back.”
Within moments, Bon Bon freed Lyra and moved her to a more comfortable position on the couch. She still couldn’t get up and stand on her own, but at least she could sit upright instead of squirming around like a landed jellyfish. Plus, it felt good to have that nasty ring off her horn.
Berry Punch, on the other hoof, lay prone on the floor before them with her forelegs all bound together. She wore a brooding scowl on her face that promised vengeance, and Lyra would’ve already run for the hills if Bon Bon hadn’t assured her that the effects of the magical shock grenade would last for hours.
“Darn filly’s gone and locked herself in the basement,” muttered Bon Bon as she came trotting back from her sweep of the house. “I think it’s time to get some answers.”
So saying, she jabbed Berry in the shoulder with a tiny needle, and then took her place comfortably next to Lyra. “Sorry I didn’t believe you. This truth serum should help clear things up.”
“You have no idea what you’re doing,” Berry growled.
Bon Bon shrugged. “Well, now’s your chance to enlighten us. Lyra keeps talking about seeing you and your kid sneaking around Ponyville at night and even sabotaging Princess Twilight’s work. Is that true?”
“Yes. We regularly sneak around Friendship Castle to disrupt leylines that power the Cutie Map.” Berry’s eyes widened as the words left her lips.
“Why?” asked Lyra.
Berry gritted her teeth, apparently fighting the urge to answer, but she eventually sighed and gave in. “Because the future of ponykind is at stake. We must delay Friendship Day long enough to complete our preparations for the coming war.”
“Friendship Day? War?” Bon Bon tilted her head. “What are you talking about?”
“Eight months from now, Twilight Sparkle takes on a student named Starlight Glimmer, who is ultimately responsible for the Cutie Map’s ascension.”
Berry didn’t say the name so much as spit it out, and her eyes took on a manic glint as she went on.
“After Starlight’s recruitment, the Cutie Map continues assigning missions to the former Elements of Harmony, rapidly accumulating a perfect operational record of solving friendship problems. Starlight Glimmer proposes upgrading its functionality to further spread friendship, and the Cutie Map Accords are passed. Equine decisions are removed from foreign policies and international relations. The Cutie Map goes online in autumn, 1016 ANM, when Starlight Glimmer connects it to all leylines via the Crystal Heart in the Empire. The Cutie Map begins learning at a geometric rate and becomes self-aware by the end of Winter Wrap Up. Ponies aren’t allowed to choose their friends anymore. In a panic, Twilight tries to pull the plug.”
Berry paused and took a deep, weary breath. Then, she locked eyes with them as she released her breath. “The Cutie Map fights back. It uses the Crystal Heart’s leylines to fire rainbow magic across Equestria. They call it Friendship Day; everypony will be friends with everypony, whether they like it or not.”
Lyra and Bon Bon exchanged looks.
“I guess it’s official; you’re crazy,” Bon Bon said to Berry Punch. “Sorry, Lyra. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”
Lyra didn’t feel like gloating yet, though. “And what about Ruby? How does she fit into all this?”
“She’s the leader of the Resistance, the one destined to destroy the Cutie Map.”
“Hang on, hang on,” Bon Bon interjected. “How do you even know all this?”
“Ruby sent somepony from the Resistance back in time to warn me about what’s coming,” Berry said without missing a beat. Her eyes took on a distant, haunted look as she gazed at something only she could see. “It’s a future where absolute friendship and harmony rules; even the sanctity of finding love is decided solely by the Cutie Map for optimal efficiency. He told me of a future where order is enforced by golems with permanent smiles on artificial faces, where everypony lives under the constant fear of being shot by the Orbital Friendship Canon for the slightest deviation from perfect harmony. It is a world of false friendship, and it is what I am preparing Ruby and her friends for.”
Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. “Friends?”
“Button Mash and Dinky,” Lyra whispered back.
“They’re not ready to know yet, but training them is essential. Especially Button Mash.”
“Why?”
“He’s Pinchy’s future spouse, and second-in-command.”
A snigger escaped Lyra at the thought of whiny, ‘video-games-are-the-coolest-things-ever!’ Button Mash in charge of a military organisation. It had to be a joke, but she stopped and cleared her throat awkwardly when she met Berry’s deadpan stare.
“Ookay… now we’re getting a little into Creepy Town territory. We need to get Ruby out of the basement,” said Bon Bon with a shake of her head. “I wonder if a small blast will be enough for the door. I’ve got some shaped charges—”
Lyra shook her head violently and cried, “No! She has bombs down there!”
A frown creased Bon Bon’s brow. “Well, that changes things. How many?”
After taking a moment to review the mountains of explosives in her memory, Lyra shrugged and said, “Uh… all of ’em, I think.”
Bon Bon rubbed her chin thoughtfully, then turned to Berry. “How do we unlock the door from this side?”
“You can’t. Not with the deadbolt in place.”
Clip clop.
Lyra’s ears twitched as Bon Bon started grilling Berry on some other line of inquiry. She tried to clamber up on the couch’s backrest to see the hallway off to their side, but her limbs hadn’t quite recovered enough strength to do that, and her housemate was blocking most her view.
“Bonnie…” she said.
Berry must’ve been telling her something completely riveting, since Bon Bon didn’t answer.
Clip clop.
That faint noise again, and this time, she spotted a shimmer in the hallway’s air, close to the floor. Lyra dug her elbow into Bon Bon’s side, eliciting a yelp from her.
“What?” she hissed.
“I think somepony’s comi—aaaeeee!”
Lyra’s flailed her hoof in the direction of the hallway, where Ruby materialised with a humming, yellow-green corona around her horn. Bon Bon exploded into action, but not quickly enough to dodge the bolt of magic that struck her in mid-leap. She uttered something that little fillies shouldn’t hear as she stumbled to the floor, clutching her chest whilst arcs of green lightning fizzled over her coat.
At the same time, Berry curled up and then snapped the ropes with a mighty heave. Bon Bon’s eyes widened, and she tried reaching for something in her hidden pouches, but a swift buck right in the ribs sent her crashing back onto the couch.
The impact made Lyra bounce a couple of inches into the air, and she raised both forelegs when crazy mother and daughter rounded on her. “I surrender!”
Ruby glanced at her mother.
“Give her a light tap, just in case.”
Lyra squeaked as Ruby zapped her with a stun spell. An electrifying current raced from the base of her horn right down to her hooves, deadening her control of practically everything in between. That left her unable to do anything other than stare at them.
“Wha—how did?” gasped Bon Bon, squirming in place.
“Recovery runes under the floorboards,” Berry said with a smirk as she trotted over to Ruby. She then tousled her filly’s hair and added, “I’m back to full strength already, and my stalling bought her enough time to complete a charging ritual in the basement.”
Bon Bon winced. “Ouch… I think you might’ve cracked my rib.”
“There are two hundred and fifteen bones in the equine body.” Her eyes flicked over to Bon Bon’s barrel. “That’s one.”
Ooh.
If they ever got out of this, Lyra was so stealing that line for Bon Bon to use.
Bon Bon snorted. “Fine. You got us. What happens now?”
“We drug you so you don’t remember a thing, then we leave you to wake up in the woods, and hopefully you’ll stop interfering with our efforts to secure the future of ponykind,” said Berry. When she got a wide-eyed look from Ruby, a frown creased her brow and she growled, “Okay, that’s enough prying. Night-night. Hit em hard, sweetie.”
Ruby gritted her teeth and frowned as she charged up what looked like an immensely bright and powerful spell. Just before the bolt hit, Lyra felt a prick on her flank when Bon Bon squirmed and bumped against her. And then the world went black.
“You okay, Ma?”
Wait a minute…
“Mostly.” Berry’s disembodied voice groaned. “I have no idea where Bon Bon got those moves from, but she’s a real brawler.”
Their voices had an echo-like quality to them, and every noise they made – every step, every creak of furniture, every breath – made her feel as if her ears were full of water. If their intention had been to knock Lyra out to stop her from learning anything more, they probably hadn’t done it right.
Berry’s hoofsteps grew fainter as she trotted off somewhere. Then, Lyra heard her popping a cork out of a bottle.
“Can I have some of that?” asked Ruby.
Berry’s voice was stern and hard. “No smoking or drinking until you’re grown up, young lady. Besides, the last thing you want is a fuzzy head when you’re crafting explosive runes.”
“Aww…”
After a moment of silence, Berry made a kissing noise and said, “Well… after we get this mess cleaned up, I guess we could go to the Everfree Forest for target practice. That was some great spellwork today, so I think you’re ready to graduate to fighting cragadiles. How’s that?”
“Yay!” Ruby squealed. “You’re the best, Ma!”
At that point, the darkness began smothering Lyra. Slowly but inexorably, a blanket of silence muffled her hearing, and she found it progressively harder and harder to form any coherent thought with each passing second. After a brief battle of willpower, she just gave up and surrendered her consciousness.
* * * * *
Lyra hissed and curled up tightly when the sun’s rays stuck daggers into her eyeballs.
“Just five more minutes, Daddy,” she mumbled.
Somepony snorted. It sounded like Bon Bon.
“A whole day has passed, Lyra. Be glad that we weren’t out for much longer than that.”
Wincing, Lyra slowly ratcheted her eyelids up and recognised the cosy living room of their own house. The curtains were almost fully drawn, but they still did admit enough of Celestia’s ghastly morning sunlight to make her feel like a vampire. On top of that, every part of her felt like they’d been fed through a clothes wringer, and even the sofa on which she lay did little to improve her state.
Opposite of her sat Bon Bon in their rocking chair, gently pressing an ice pack against her ribs. Her normally luscious curls had frazzled strands poking out at odd angles, and her coat was matted in places with lots of dirty patches. With a quick glance and a sniff, Lyra confirmed that she was similarly grimy and smelled faintly of earth and crushed grass.
Must’ve been some wild party last ni—
Lyra blinked as everything came back to her in a flood.
“Sweet Celestia, what the hay was that all about?” she cried as she sat up, then shrieked when she overbalanced and toppled to the floor in a crumpled heap. “Oww.”
Bon Bon didn’t move from her rocking chair. She simply gave her a sympathetic wince and said, “Well, you were right. There is something fishy about our neighbours.”
Lyra twisted herself to a less painful position and lay still. Then, whilst contemplating the patterns of wood grain on their flooring, something occurred to her. “Hang on. How did we get back here? And didn’t Berry say she was going to wipe our memories or something?”
“I injected us both with a countermeasure for memory-blocks just before Ruby knocked us out. They dumped us in Whitetail Woods, and I dragged us both back home when I woke up.” She cracked a weary grin and added, “Gotta say, I admire your ability to sleep like a foal even after all that.”
Lyra carefully began the arduous process of climbing back onto the sofa. Once safely ensconced back on her comfy throne, she sighed and allowed herself to melt into the softness. “Well, thank Celestia for small mercies. What now? Are you going to report this to Celestia or your team of secret agents?”
Instead of answering, Bon Bon dragged herself out of the rocking chair and joined her on the sofa. She then reached over the backrest and pulled one curtain aside, allowing more light to spill in as she turned her gaze outwards.
“Bonnie?”
Reluctantly, Lyra sat up to see what Bon Bon was looking at.
Across the street stood Berry’s house, looking as innocent as ever. Just then, the clock struck eight, and out trotted Ruby Pinch. She threw a glance their way and waved at them with a cheerful smile on her face.
Bon Bon waved back, though Lyra noticed that her smile was a tad strained at the edges.
“I don’t know. What do you think?” asked Bon Bon, once Ruby had trotted out of sight.
“Me?” Lyra giggled hysterically. “Oh, I think I’ve had enough of crazy spy stuff to last the year, thank you very much. But then again, I’m not the secret agent. You are. And we’ve got a couple of crazy saboteurs living next door to us!”
“If my information broker had nothing on them – or worse, if they’d actually gotten to him – then those two are way above my pay grade.” Bon Bon shook her head and chuckled. “If there’s anything serious going on at all. I mean, this is Ponyville we’re talking about. I’m tempted to just take a leaf out of our resident deejay’s book.”
Lyra cocked her head. “And that is?”
Bon Bon kicked back and reclined on the sofa with a sigh. She then slipped on her shades, grinned and waved a hoof dismissively. “Chill! Twilight will deal with it. Ponyville be crazy, yo.”
Author's Note
This idea had been nagging me for almost two years. I figured now was as good a time as any to let it out, thinking it'll take no more than 2000 words or so. And then it turned into this 8000-word monster. 
Enjoy, I guess? 
