SHARK! ~or~ 3:22 AM Friday Morning at Pacific PonyCon is a Great Time to Return to Fimfiction and Release a Poorly Written Story that Present Perfect May or May not Review on Account of His Name Being in the Title

by Super Trampoline

Rating: everyone
Tags: Science Fiction, Random, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mayor Mare
Length: 931

Berry May wants to sell her berries in the Ponyville Town Centre, but Mayor Mare has been replaced with a shark. Meanwhile, an asteroid is colonized.

Berry May wants to sell her berries in the Ponyville Town Centre, but Mayor Mare has been replaced with a shark. Meanwhile, an asteroid is colonized.

Published 2017-01-06 11:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-06 11:30:01 UTC

CANCELED TRAIL IS CLOSEDThe SoCal Ponytones Sing About Stuff While Hiking?

"Woof, woof," some dog barked in the distance.

"Right, so we have a problem," some background pony I'm too lazy to name said. "Mayor Mare has apparently turned into a shark."

She wasn't wrong. There was indeed now a shark in the space the mayor of Ponyville usually occupied. Fortunately, there was also inexplicably a tank in her office, in fact taking up most of the office. The desk seemed to have gotten pushed pretty close to the door to make room for said tank. Anyway, it was a good thing the tank was there so that the shark didn't suffocate and die. What a terrible way to go, that would have been. Fortunately that was not the case, as the shark was swimming placidly about the tank. It was a pretty small shark, maybe four or five feet long. Honestly I don't know what species. I'm not a shark expert. It might have looked like this:

Anyway, the staff at city hall were pretty sure the shark was Mayor Mare, on account of it wearing her glasses and possessing her cutie mark.

Berry may stared quizzically at the shark. The shark briefly made eye contact with one eye, but just kept swimming.

"I don't get it," Berry stated plainly.

"She turned into a shark," the unnamed assisted also stated plainly.

"But, I mean, how? And, uh, why?"

"Don't know, and also don't know."

"Okay," Berry said, pressing a hoof to the bridge of her muzzle. "How am I supposed to renew my vendor's license? Without a vendor's licence, if I try to sell berries on the street I could be arrested for illegal vending and thrown in jail and die of pneumonia. Then my kids will starve or something. Please, you gotta help me."

Unnamed assistant rolled her eyes. "You act like we live in a dystopian police state. This isn't Fallout: Equestria. Although that definitely wasn't a police state. More like an anarchistic wasteland. Libertarian paradise, really. Hmmmm, maybe that explains why all the 4chan bronies like that series so much. Anyway, none of that is going to happen. Because illegal vending just carries a small fine, and even if you did land in jail and die of pneumonia, we have an excellent foster care system so I promise your kids wouldn't die in this fictional scenario. But that's a moot point, because Mayor Mare isn't the one in charge of vending licenses."

Berry May sighed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank Celestia. So who should I talk to?"

"Oh, that's Painted Lily's domain. His office is down the hall."

"Great!" Berry replied, smiling. I'll go visit him.

"Okay, but you might have some difficulty. He turned into a dog."

"Woof, woof," some dog barked down the hall.

Fifty years later, on an asteroid many lightyears from Equestria, Princess Snicker Doodle was quite confused.

"Tiddlywinks, why is there a strange mare in my office?"

Tiddlewinks grimaced. "How would I know? You got here before me."

"Okay, but you're my secretary, and secretaries are supposed to know everything."

"Yeah, I don't know where you heard that. Look, why don't you ask her?"

Indeed, Mayor Mare's head had been turning back and forth as she sat in the middle of what was supposed to be Snicker Doodle's shark tank, except she no longer had a shark tank. She had a strange mare sitting in the middle of her office.

"I am SO confused," Mayor Mare muttered. "Why does my stomach feel weird? Where am I?"

"Oh," Snicker Doodle replied. "My appologies; I wasn't sure if you spoke Equestrian. I'm Snicker Doodle, Princess of Dandelions."

"Dandelions," Berry asked, perplexed. "But your name is a cookie flavor."

It was Snicker Doodle's turn to roll her eyes. "Yeah, it's a long story. Maybe someday Super Trampoline will finish writing it. But anyway, your stomach feels weird because you're on an asteroid."

"An asteroid?!"

"Yes. We mine silicon and send it back to Equestria to help power the computer revolution. Equestria being silicon poor is part of why it took us so long to get into this whole digital thing. But we're making up for lost time now, thanks in large part to these deposits."

"Huh," Mayor replied. "That's a lot to take in. So, uh, where's your booze stash?"

"Pardon me?"

"Don't be coy. Every government leader has a secret booze stash for when dealing with stupidity becomes too much."

"Ma'am, if you're who I think you are, then in our timeline you've been dead for fifteen years. This is the future. We don't drink alcohol."

Mayor Mare was flaborgasted. "Don't drink alcohol?! What dystopian horror story is this?"

"Not Fallout: Equestria, that's for sure," Snicker Doodle said, cracking a smile. "Nah, just kidding. Second drawer on the left, you'll find some tequila and scotch."

Mayor Mare found said stash and poured both herself and her host and the assistant I kind of forgot about a stiff one. "Here's to hapless government officials and friendship and booze!"

"Cheers!" shouted Tiddlywinks.
"To hapless government officials and friendship and booze!" echoed Snicker Doodle.

"Woof, woof," some dog barked down the hall. Some things never change.

"Discord, how do you deal with the fact that you're an imaginary entity?" Twilight asked.

"I don't, Darling," Discord replied nonchalantly. "I pull dumb pranks involving time travel, government officials, dogs, and sharks."

"Oh, okay. I mostly just cry."

Author's Note

Is this what it feels like to ****post? It's been so long.