Why?

Chapters

An Old Beginning
A New Twist
old words
Long Walk

An Old Beginning

Noise. What's that? I can't quite hear it. It sounds like a siren. Am I at it again? What do I mean by that? I can't tell. The sound's getting louder. It hurts. Why can't I hear it? Is something burning? I need... What do I need? I can't remember. How long has it been? Where am I? I can't move. Am I bound? I can't remember not being like this. Why can't I remember? The burning is stronger. Am I moving? I can hear the sound now. Who turned on an industrial fan? Why is it sucking me in? Am I going to die? The burning is starting to hurt, a lot. The burning and sucking stopped, but now I'm falling. Where will I land?

**********************

Pain. The first thing I've felt in a long while. It's so refreshing. I can finally think strait. My hands are free. I undo my blinds to see what's going on. What the hell? My time in isolation must have gotten to me, because that looks like a person with a horn, rainbow hair, and white, fur? I also seem to be in some kind of castle, that seems to be falling apart. I appear to be in a small crater. I try to express my disbelief but it's muffled by my muzzle. I feel a vibration next to me and I see a rock has fallen from the ceiling. I undo my earphones and take out my earplugs. I can hear the white thing... talking?

"What horrible creature have you summoned?!"

Another voice from behind me replies to her.

"A creature of great power. It shall assist me in killing you."

What the hell?! I turn around to see a black version of the white thing, but this one has star hair and armor. This bitch thinks I'm going to kill just because she brought me here. On a side note, she brought me here?

"Ah, I see my minion has found it's master. Good. Go Kill Celestia."

Celestia must be that white thing. I shake my head no and the black thing flips out.

"WHAT?! Listen hear creature, you serve me! I will rule this world and bring about eternal night!"

What? What?! WHAT?! Whoever this bitch is she's got to be the dumbest person, thing, ever! I've heard enough of this!!! I lunge at the black creature and it somehow throws me into a wall. My back gives the sound of bones breaking but I can still feel my legs. That hurt. My laugh can be heard even through my muzzle. Nothing seems to be broken so I run at her again. See seems to have been freaked out by my display and this time she holds me in midair. How the fuck is she doing that? She's talking again and she seems pretty pissed off too.

"If you won't serve me then you'll die."

Is she going to do it? Is she really going to do it? Am I finally going to die? She removes my muzzle.

"I can't wait to hear your screams."

She breaks my right arm and I moan in pleasure. It's even better when someone else does it. She breaks my left arm and I moan again as the nerves start pulling on each other. She caves in my kneecaps and I nearly reach climax. Then she snaps my neck and drops me on the floor. What? Why am I still alive? She lied to me! I finally speak my first real words since I got here.

"What have you done to me?"

I can feel the bones and muscle shifting as they repair and go back into place. I stand up and see the looks of horror on both their faces.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!?!?!"

I rush towards the black creature again. Why am I so fast? It doesn't matter. That fucker's going to pay! I get a punch in on the creature and I can hear her jaw crack as she goes flying. The stupid things must be made of fucking microlattice or something. She gets up and looks royally pissed. She starts shouting at me.

"How dare you! I'm Nightmare Moon. I brought you from the ether!"

I reply as I feel something protrude from my fingers.

"If you promise to kill someone and don't follow through then you're in for a world of hurt."

Celestia runs for some strange statue but I don't pay her much heed. Nightmare Moon fires a beam at me and before I can think about it I lack depth perception. I can feel every severed nerve, every pint of blood as it gushes out of the wound. It hurts so good. I can feel the wound heal and I can tell how far away she is again. What the hell is going on?!

"Stop teasing me!"

Nightmare looks sickened by what she saw. She soon gets over it though and starts charging at me. I charge at her but before I can do anything she impales me on her horn. I try to grab it but my head suddenly explodes with a loud, wet, splort. My body hits the floor and I soon find out the sensational feeling of getting air directly into my lungs. Why am I not dead yet? My blood is spilling all over the floor. My skull and brain start reforming and I take a look around. There's not a single drop of my blood anywhere. As I'm looking I get a, hoof(?), to the face and I can feel the sweet pleasure of having my head ripped off. It impacts into the wall and the pieces fall to the floor. When I reform again I can see my body lying on the ground and the blood trail left by my head. I seem to have developed some kind of claws. As soon as I see that my head rushes towards my body and snaps back on. As I rush towards Nightmare Moon again I see Celestia spinning some weird rocks. It doesn't matter either. I grab onto Nightmare moon and just as I'm about to rip her throat out I hear Celestia say,

"I'm sorry Luna."

and then I'm engulfed by some kind of light and I'm blinded by it. After a few moment I realize I've opened my eyes but there's nothing to see. I can't even tell if I'm screaming.

Author's Note

I thought I'd try something new. Just an idea I had.

A New Twist

I never knew what it would feel like to be alone for so long. I don't even know how long I was gone but if past experience is anything to go by I've been gone for a while.

About a thousand years.

WHO DARES DEFILE MY MIND?!?!

What are you talking about?

Look around you fool.

I look around. Or to be more precise, I study the environment that I can see, because I can't move my eyes. From what I can see I'm in some kind of forest. There's a black mass right in front of me and I have a sudden realization. I'm in Nightmare Moon's body.

Took you long enough.

What did you do?!

I didn't do anything. How'd you know we were gone for a thousand years.

It's a mixture of a ratio I made while in a sensory deprivation chamber and just straight up counting every second.

How could you possible count every second?!

When you've been in that situation as much as I have, you learn that between sanity and insanity is tedium.

Enough of this drawl. I have work to do.

What work?

Don't you remember?

As soon as I hear her "utter" that remark I realize that we've moved to some kind of stage and Nightmare Moon is ranting about something. Fuck I have to do something or else this bitch is going to kill everything. I try to move but something is stopping me. Damn it, what am I supposed to do?! Suddenly I feel a twinge as somebody says something that catches Nightmare Moon's attention. Nightmare turns to look at who said it, whatever they said. The perpetrator appears to be another one of these creatures but with out the wings. In the crowd there's more with just the horn. There's also ones with just wings or nothing at all. Poor bastards. The one that spoke up appears to be a purple tint and in her late teens. She says that she knows Nightmare Moon and what she's here to do. If you know, then why aren't you doing anything?! When some brown plain one finally does something, that being sending some winged creatures after Nightmare, Nightmare shoots lightning at them?! What the fuck!? I've got to get out of this place now. Nightmare finishes her monologue and, I don't even know. All I know is now I can't see and I can feel us hovering about the ground. There's a rushing sensation and I assume we're moving. We slow down and there's a crash. A few moments later I can feel warm flesh. I try to reach for it but I still can't move. I suddenly realize that this time I'm literally not moving as opposed to when Nightmare Moon was in her pony form when I was doing, something. I need to give it more thought. A few moments later I cant feel a strange sensation as someone joins us, if only for a moment.

I will stop you!

Stop who?

What?!

The third one separates from us and Nightmare moon turns back into her physical form. I can feel myself moving again, and at a much faster pace. I can also see again and it would appear that the purple one is who challenged Nightmare Moon. I'm not sure whether I should be pissed at her for coming here alone or happy that she came because she's actually doing something. After a clever ploy on the purple one's part she tries to do something to five stone spheres. All I can tell is that somehow she's sent flying and then Nightmare Moon destroys the stones. Nightmare Moon fires a strange beam at purple and it knocks her back. Nightmare Moon starts mocking purple.

"You fought valiantly, but did you really think you could defeat me? It'll be nice having you on my side."

As Nightmare Moon says that a black essence starts enveloping purple. Just before it can fully envelope her there's the sound of a voice in the distance. When purple one hear this the blackness dissipates and I start going faster. I do believe I have the upper hand now. I'll have to wait and see. Five more creatures appear: a white one, a pink one, a blue one, a yellow one, and an orange one. Purple introduces them as: Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack respectively. Who named these assholes and what were they on when they did so? So it looks like purple is about to start monologuing but Nightmare Moon fires several beams at them. She would have hit them, but then I intervened. The beams miss as I jerk Nightmare Moon's head back. I start forcing her vocal cords to do what I want.

"I've had e-enough of this nonsense."

Applejack responds first.

"What in tarnation?!"

"I'm almost certain you don't know who I am and I don't care enough to tell you. All you need to know is I'm sick of you fools, so I'll be taking my leave as soon as I can figure out how to drive a body with a clutch."

Purple responds this time.

"Whatever you are, if you're with Nightmare Moon you must be evil."

I stare at her as I try to figure out where she jumped to that conclusion from.

"I stopped her from killing you, but I'm trapped in her body and therefor I must be evil? What?! Ugh, it doesn't matter anyways."

As soon as I say that I can feel myself starting to leave her body. I wonder how much damage I can do if I leave very suddenly. While I'm pondering I notice that purple and her friends are starting to create another death rainbow. When I wake up from this I really need to tell the psychiatrist that I don't kill about it. It'd make a good T.V. show. So as the rainbow is about to hit us I leap out of Nightmare Moon's body, leaving a large hole in the side of her chest. I can see her bones th
ough. That's actually only what's left for the most part. All the rest of her organs are shriveled, for about a moment. The rainbow hits and when the light clear Nightmare Moon has become smaller, lighter, has been healed, and is unconscious. I don't really care though because I'm still relieved to have my body back. I have a nice long stretch.

"Oh, It's so good to be back in my body."

I give myself a good lookover and I'm back to normal, except that now I'm naked. I turn to the six other creatures.

"Hmm, do any of you know how I can get some cloths?"

They all look shocked at my display.

"What?"

Fluttershy and Rarity faint. Purple starts worrying about them. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie take varying degrees of offensive and defensive stances. Pinkie's hair, deflates? And now she looks like she could actually be a menacing opponent. That's so hot.

"If you want to fight that's fine by me."

But before the fight can begin there's a bright light and Celestia shows up.

"It's nice to see you again my student."

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

"Oh fuck you."

Celestia turns to me.

"Hello again strange creature. It's been a long time."

This bitch.

"Yeah, it has been. Do you think that I forgot that you trapped me with the psychopath?!"

She walks over to tiny Nightmare Moon.

"It was an accident. I hade no choice."

I feel something start to poke at my back and forehead.

"Like fuck you had no choice. You could have let me kill her!"

Everyone gasps except for Celestia, Fluttershy, and Rarity. Celestia shakes her head.

"I couldn't have done that either. She's my sister."

Damn it do these creatures have infinite lung capacity? Stop gasping!

"She wanted to commit ecocide! I think that gives you the right to kill her without any drain on your conscience."

She starts doing something to her sister.

"She wasn't in her right mind."

The things start poking harder.

"Oh really. Could have fooled me, because she seemed 'sane' enough to me. That meaning she wasn't influenced by any outside forces."

She glares at me.

"That's a lie."

Wow this bitch is dumb.

"I have no reason to lie to you! The bitch is insane! I should know! When you locked me in her head for a thousand years."

She turns to me.

"You were in her mind. Then that means you were the one who made her do this!"

Suddenly there's a fist in my gut. Literally. As my blood stains what I can now see is her white fur, I look up at her.

"Don't hurt me unless you mean it."

I pull her fist out of my gut and I break her wrist. She screams and jumps away from me. R, A, and P.P. get back in their stances. Suddenly stuff starts ripping out of my back and forehead. The creatures look in shock and Celestia seems the most impacted.

"Impossible."

I look at my back, somehow twisting my head around like an owl with a nice little ripping sound, and see that I've grown a pair of wings. made out of blood. By now the wound in my gut has healed.

"What the fuck?!"

I turn my head back around and feel my forehead. There's a horn there now.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Tiny nightmare starts waking up.

"Sister?"

Celestia goes to guard Tiny nightmare.

"Be careful Luna. The creature has returned and stolen your strength."

I can't even.

"Listen bitch, I don't care about these supposed powers I stole."

I break off the wings and the horn and throw them to the side. The reenter my body but don't grow again.

"All I care about is what's going to happen next. I'm asking for some cloths and surprisingly, I don't any trouble. So are you going to calm down and think about this rationally or are you going to be stupid and keep fighting me?"

The response is Rainbow Dash suddenly smashing my head against the floor and my grey matter going every wear in a couple foot diameter. And she just keeps going like some kind of savage. By the time she's done her legs are covered in my blood. She starts to walk off but my head reforms and I take the blood back from her. I stand up and I can feel the strange claws protruding from my fingers again.

"I said, don't hurt me unless you mean it!"

I lunge at Rainbow but Applejack kicks me in the chin with a loud crack as my jaw breaks and I go flying backwards. I stand up, fix my jaw and rush towards them again. I don't understand why but my mouth didn't fully heal it feels much wider now. That doesn't matter though. I start trying to claw them but they each dodge.

"Get back here so I can kill you!"

Celestia gets up and points her good hand at me.

"Enough!"

She fires a blast of energy at me but I manage to dodge it. It blows a hole in a wall. Suddenly Applejack kicks me out the hole and I fall for 6 stories. When I finally hit the ground there's a large wet splat with a few cracks as my body is obliterated. I think I can see my spleen over there. I pull myself back together again and there's a flash of light from the tower I was in. I use the claws to climb the castle and when I get back to the room they're gone. I feel my body return to normal as I sit and begin to ponder everything that has happened so far.

Author's Note

Can you guess where he was in her body?

I was kind of tired when I wrote this so please give well written criticism.

old words

"ACHOO!"

Damn all of this motherfucking dust! How does a place with this much dust keep standing? Damn this place and everything in it! Ugh. Okay, so lets see if I've got this right. A mad woman from another dimension teleported me here from my nice padded room to a strange castle so that I could fight her sister for her. I was summoned here because I'm a skilled fighter. I admit that it's nice to know that the universe notices me, but this is ridiculous. When I got here I was given strange abilities that I barely understand. The basics as far as I can tell is: I regenerate, the more pain I feel the stronger I get, the stronger I get the more insane I get, and the more insane I get the more deformed I become. The worst part is I could be completely wrong about all of this. Then, during the fight I get blasted with some kind of sealing spell and I'm trapped on the moon for a thousand years with the same mad woman who tried the comic ecocide. When we get back I'm trapped in her body and I'm only able to get out just before the spell hits me again. After that the mad woman's sister tries to peg me for the reason her sister is crazy, even though I wasn't a part of this picture until the end. And now apparently I'm enemy number one. And the one thing I've noticed out of all of this is that I'm not going down there to try and kill them. Why am I so sane all of a sudden? Is it because of these powers? How the fuck should I know?! Okay, that was quite the info dump. I need to actually do something before I turn into some kind of narrator. So I start trying to find my way around this dusty old castle and I eventually find my way to a library. Sweet mother of mercy that's a lot of books too high for anyone to get. What the actual fuck? Who designed this!? Sorry, I'm getting off track. It looks like someone's been here recently. There's an iron bar door with a lock on it that seems to have been part of a stereotypical hidden door cliché. There's no dust on it so it must have been used. I walk over to it and on the other side is a weird ass looking stone book. A stone book? Why not just a stone slab, or carve it into the walls? Why a stone book of all things? Looks important though. Maybe I could get some money from that. I tug on the latch. It doesn't snap so it must be new. I don't think I can break it with my hands so I look around for something I can use. There are several tables with legs that look strong enough and WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! I literally just saw a shadow moving on it's own! What the fuck is going on?! I think a table leg would be a good idea for two reasons now. I go over to one of the tables and snap off one of the legs with a nice swift crunch. The shadow hasn't come back so I think I can not worry about it too much for now. I start hitting the lock and eventually it breaks. I'm skeptical how that actually worked but magic exists so unfortunately I can't question too much. I open the door and walk up to the "book". I grab it and open it. It appears to be absolute gibberish. Gibberish that appears to be in English, but gibberish none the less. Just a bunch of disjointed words and phrases. As I'm walking out suddenly the room starts crumbling. Oh come on! I run for the door and jump out just as it closes and starts crushing my foot. As good as it feels I think I should go. Come on, let go of my foot. Fuck! let got of my foot!

"FUCK!!!"

What was that? Did someone hear me?

"WHO'S THERE?!"

Suddenly there's a sharp pain in my neck as my neck is broken. Well if this ain't a fine howdy yah do. As I turn my head around to look at my assailant I can feel the muscles in my neck tearing. Why don't it feel as good as it should? Damn it, I can't care right now. I can only see the hands of my attacker through their brown cloak, Wait, scratch that. I can also see their eyes, somehow. Their hands are white with black tips and black stripes all the way down. The eyes are orange, and that's all I've got so far. They seem taken aback by my display.

"While I appreciate the attempt, please only try and kill me if you're sure you can do it."

Come to think of it, how am I speaking with a torn larynx? She says something that I swear is almost incomprehensible.

"What is this creature that I see? A creature that cannot be."

Cannot be? What?

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means your kind was lost long ago. Of this fact I thought you would know."

"Well I only just got here so anything other than moonbutt's a bitch is news to me."

"You speak evils of Luna, that cannot be. How can you say this, please tell me."

"She tried to kill everyone. I think that's enough of a reason to hate her. I mean, I can appreciate a mass murder, but you can't just kill all your prey so that they can't reproduce so you can kill their offspring when they grow up. How about I ask a question now. Who the fuck are you, what the fuck are you talking about, and why shouldn't I kill you for trying to do the same to me?"

They lift back their hood to reveal a feminine face, again white with black stripes. They don't look too happy to see me.

"I am Zecora, of the way of the see. I can answer both others with one word, bathsmy."

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

I really screwed with them that time. What I said made them widen there's eyes in shock.

"I don't understand! How could you resist the command?!"

"Command? what where you trying to do?"

"That was is a submission tell. It was to control a mind sent from hell."

Is she bullshiting me?

"Ha. Haha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! You think you can control me? What a joke! No one can control me. Hundreds have tried, all are dead."

I start pulling harder as the claws start coming back. Why does she look delicious all of a sudden? She's scared. I like that. It makes the pray more fun to chase. Eventually I tear my leg off of the trapped foot. The foot returns to me as I lunge at Zecora. She sidesteps and pours something on my head. Suddenly I can't move. Why can't I move? What the fuck?! Bitch McStripey starts saying something.

"I do not wish to cause you pain. From using that word, I usually abstain.
but I had to make sure, that you are not with her."

Fuck you, your motherfucking bitch. She pours something down my mouth.

"I'm going to kill you and make it as painful as I can!!!"

"This anger, I've never seen before. Of your past I must learn more."

What?

"No! NO!!! I won't let you!"

She reaches at me to try and do something. I can't let her see it! I have to do something. I start pushing. Come on! As her hands reaches me I tear my arm, out of my arm. I can feel the blood spilling onto the floor from the bone sized hole in my arm. My skeletal hand grabs her arm. I can't see her face but I hear her gasp in shock. She backs off as my hand falls apart. Then she starts, praying? What the hell is going on?

"What are you doing?"

She stops praying.

"Do you not know? How can this be so?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

She throws a bottle at me and it explodes.

"TELL ME!"

After a little bit I can move again and I reassemble to my increased confusion. How am I able to move my bone without muscles? Fuck, this just keeps getting worse doesn't it?

Author's Note

If you don't like the story you could at least give constructive criticism.

Long Walk

What the fuck was she talking about? Cannot be? The way of the see? What the fuck is bathsmy? ARGH! Why is this world so confusing?! Okay, first step, I should probably find a town somewhere so I can get some, anything. At least I'll be able to sell this "book". So when I try to find the front door, big shock, I get lost. This place is so big I bet they closed it down because people kept getting lost. Also it must have been a bitch to fix, not to mention expensive as hell. Before I continue I should probably find something to put this book in so I can use both of my hands. Another hour later I come up empty. This place must have been abandoned in a very orderly fashion. Not even a single dead body. How disappointing.

Wait a second. If I could do that then maybe I could...

There's a feeling. It's a strange feeling you get when you're about to die. I've gotten it a few times. It's quite the rush. I've discovered a new feeling. I can feel it in my body. It feels like power. I can't quite reach it, but I'm close. The skin under my ribcage starts to shrivel and die. It's a pain so strange and intoxicating, I can almost feel the fear of a strange experience again. I wish I could feel it again, but I have things I need to do. I put the book between my ribcage and my lungs so that it'll be nice and snug. It hurts so much. I let the skin heal over the wound to create a seal. When I have some time I need to learn more about these powers. I continue looking for an exit. I wind up in a large room that appears to be some kind of bed chamber. It's really fancy too. There are two of them. A blue one and a, yellow...

...fuck you.

Ms. Ecocide and Ms. False Accusation's rooms? This is just perfect. I think I'll do a little defiling.

15 minutes later

Ahh, I needed that. This diary will be great blackmail material.

What?

Did I what?

Just the diary. Why do you ask?

What were you thinking?

Ugh, weirdo. Anyway, after a bit of digging through the fascinating event of Sunbutt's first trial, quite a bloody affair, I get back to searching the rooms. It's definitely a royal's room. Large drapes, big frilly bed, and a larger than it has any right to be closet to name a few of the excessities. I start searching a dresser in Moonbutt's room and I find a key with a strange symbol on it. In Sunbutt's room underneath the bed was a small bag of gold pieces. A stash? How cliché. Oh well. It's mine now. After a small count I find that there are 35 gold coins, each about the size of a dime. Everything goes in the flesh pocket behind my ribcage. If anyone were to punch me they'd have a pretty hard time doing any damage. Maybe someday I'll comeback to see if there's anything else here. Until then I need to find my way out of here. The stops between me and the outside include: a hallway of statues, a courtyard, a bunch of hands holding out torches (I don't even want to know what that hole was for), and a large pipe organ room that wasn't suspicious at all. I finally find...

...Wow.

I'm in a large antechamber, or main hall of some kind. There's a large crater near two thrones. In it are some earplugs and a blindfold. I look up on the ledge where the thrones are and I find a muzzle for humans. Is this really the same place I first came to this world in? I pick up the mask thing. I have such fond half memories of this. Like when they were first measuring me for it. Did you know that you can bite through fingers just as easily as carrots? It might be a good idea to put this on. I don't want those people to shoot me on site after all. Though now that I think about it, do bullets still hurt me? I've been through a lot of punishment since I've been here. I was even decapitated by a kick. Do they even have bullets here? I'll have to ask if I don't kill them all. I adorn my most cherished mask and walk towards the stupidly large for a castle double doors. As I'm about to leave I see the remnants of my straitjacket and pants. Bad cloths are better than no cloths. After I put them on I realize that they are in better condition than they should be. I mean yeah they're ripped and tattered beyond repair. But they aren't falling apart just because I'm wearing them. I shrug and put it in the ever growing list of "Stupid Shit that Doesn't Make Sense" and then I exit the castle. Outside is a standard spooky and probably haunted forest. Not exactly the most interesting of places. Could use a few scorch marks. Since I don't know my way around my genius mind and I decide to head in a random direction and hope for the best. Three days without food or water still haven't persuaded me that this isn't a good idea. Lets see, 3 minutes without air, 3 hours without shelter, 3 days without water. I've been out in the wilderness for 24X the amount of time for death by lack of shelter and I don't feel parched in the slightest. I should probably get a drink, just incase the only thing letting me survive is my adrenaline. I walk over to a nearby stream. I take off the mask so I can actually drink the water. I happen to chance a look at myself in the water. I'm pretty sure I wasn't this baggy when I started. Never mind disintegrating my own skin, I could probably just peel it off. Even the shattered mirrors of the castle gave me better answers than this. After I take a drink I put my mask back on and decide to continue heading in my current direction. A few hours later I hear a growl from behind me. I turn around and see, a...

Don't make me say it.

Please. It hurts too much, even for me.

*mumble mumble*

Ugh, fine

...timber wolf.

I feel like I just committed an actual sin.

*mumble*

We will be talking about this later.

I would later find out that that's what they're actually called, but at the time I didn't have any other way to describe them so let's move on.

So a, timber wolf *shudder*, is staring down it's muzzle at me. Oh that's cute. It thinks it's scary. Face it guy, you're a child's toy with even less stability. Apparently he also thinks he's pretty tough too, because he grows right in my face. Ew, is this sap? Really? I start walking past him to try and clean my mask in that stream when suddenly he pounces on me and grabs my neck. He then proceeds to swing me around like a ragdoll. There's a loud crack and he stops throwing me around. He starts taking me somewhere. I think I'll humor him for a bit longer.

Author's Note

If you don't like part of the story please tell me so I can see if it's something I can fix. However, please understand that this is my story. Any changes that I make to the world of Equestria are mine to make. If you don't like that this isn't exactly like Equestria then go somewhere else.

Hey jackass, I've changed my mind. We're talking about that terrible pun now.

Can we please not?

No.

Hey put that down!

*lots of screaming*