Make a Move and the Bunny Gets It

by DiscountDiscord

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy, Angel, Fluttershy, Random, Crossover
Length: 1227

Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom from "Con Air" winds up in Equestria. The wrong bunny is threatened.

Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom is a ruthless, certified insane psychopathic criminal mastermind. In his most ambitious escape attempt yet, he hijacked a prison plane with the aid of several like-minded convicts. What happens when Cyrus winds up in Equestria in a certain pegasus' cottage?

A crossover with the 1997 action film Con Air, so potential spoilers if you haven't seen the movie.
Cover art is my cheap attempt at Photoshop.

Published 2017-01-10 05:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-10 05:00:01 UTC

It's not Disneyland.

Fluttershy was singing merrily to herself as she went about her cottage feeding all her little animals. She was about to bring Angel Bunny his salad, when suddenly there was a flash of light that briefly blinded her. When she could see again, she saw a strange creature standing in her cottage. He looked like some kind of ape, except he was completely hairless save for his eyebrows and some hair around his mouth. He was also wearing a very light brown buttoned shirt, very dark green pants, and black shoes. His clothing was torn and dirty, even bloody in places, but he seemed otherwise unharmed.

By the way the ape was looking around the cottage, it was clear that he was just as confused as Fluttershy was by his sudden appearance. The animals had stopped eating and were now staring curiously at the ape. Angel Bunny impatiently tapped his foot since he was still waiting for his salad.

The ape then cried out, "What the hell just happened?!"

Fluttershy quickly recoiled from the ape's outburst with a startled "Eep!" The animals, save Angel, followed Fluttershy's lead and started to back away from the ape.

"Am I on acid? LSD?" The ape started to rant.

"Uh, Mr. Ape?" Fluttershy whispered meekly.

"Did I die and wind up in Disney Hell?" He swatted at a cute little birdhouse hanging from the ceiling.

"Mr. Ape?"

"Is it too late to go back to the rock crusher?" He kicked a food bowl across the room.

"Mr. Ape?"

Angel Bunny suddenly caught everyone's attention with loud whistle. When all eyes were on him, he started chittering and making motions with his paws. The gist of his message was, "I don't care what's going on. Where is my salad?"

Angel's message was interrupted however when the ape grabbed him by the ears.

"Angel Bunny!" Fluttershy cried out in horror.

The ape now looked at Fluttershy with a raised eyebrow. "A talking horse? ... Oh of course! Because a horse is a horse of course of course!" The ape now ranted as he swung his arms around in exasperation with a none too happy Angel in hand.

"Mr. Ape!" Fluttershy finally managed to yell. "Put Angel Bunny down right this instant!"

The ape now glared at her with sheer disdain. Fluttershy tried her best not to shrink away as the ape bared down one her. "What did you call me?"

"Uhm... Mr. Ape?" She squeaked out.

The ape grabbed Fluttershy by her mane and brought her face so close to his that she could smell his stinking breath.

"Listen here, Mr. Ed." The ape said in a leveled but scornful voice. "I don't know what's going on here, but I do know I am not about to be insulted by..." He looked Fluttershy over. "... the talking bastard of a horse and a canary!"
He viciously tossed Fluttershy across the room where she was thankfully caught by several of her animal friends who then checked to make sure she was okay.

"I am Cyrus, the motherf:fluttercry:king Virus! I've killed more people than cancer, and so when I want answers, I better get them or lots of things will wind up very very dead!"

Fluttershy paled. "You've... k-k-killed? But that's... that's..."

"Wrong? Evil? Fun? All of the above?"

"HORRIBLE!"

"Only if you're on the receiving end!" Cyrus said with glee as he made his way to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy's animal friends however surrounded her and bared their teeth viciously at Cyrus. Even the squirrels couldn't help but seem a little menacing at this point.

Realizing that he was rather outnumbered, even if it was against woodland creatures, Cyrus did what came naturally.

"Make a move and the bunny gets it." He stated darkly as he held up Angel Bunny.

Fluttershy gasped in utter terror. The animals continued to bare their teeth, but they stayed put, glaring at Cyrus.

"That's better." Cyrus said smugly. "Now here are the rules: I ask questions, I get answers. I get answers I don't like? Then I do this bunny what I should have done to Poe's-"

Cyrus stopped as he suddenly heard a very vicious growl from somewhere nearby. He looked around the room until his eyes settled on the bunny he was holding.

Like all the animals, it glared at him, but this bunny had a glare that gave even the remorseless convict pause. Its beady little eyes where like staring into an abyss. An abyss from which nothing could escape but the sheer rage this bunny was directing at him. Cyrus did his best to remain composed, "You wanna start something, Foo Foo?"

Suddenly Angel grabbed Cyrus' hand with his little paws and with a overhead throw that would make most judo experts take notes, hurled Cyrus onto the ground, cracking several floorboards in the process.

Briefly dazed, it took Cyrus a moment before he could ask, "What the f:fluttercry:k just happened?"

He hadn't even started to try and get up before Angel Bunny was standing on his chest and grabbed Cyrus by the collar to get right in his face. Angel was almost frothing at the mouth as he chitted something at Cyrus. The convict didn't speak bunny, but he suddenly felt a very unfamiliar chill of fear go down his spine.

What followed was a feral barrage of sheer unbridled fury the likes of which made the rampage of Lord Tirek seem like a casual Sunday stroll.

And then the rest of Fluttershy's animals joined the fray.

"So what exactly did you do with Cyrus?"

"Well, seeing how much good a little kindness did for the two of us, I figured maybe he could stand to experience the same. So I sent him to a dear friend of mine. If anyone can help him, it'll be her."

"I don't know, I may not have known Cyrus long, but he didn't strike me as someone who would actually want to change for the better."

With a whistle from Fluttershy, the animals finally let Cyrus go. The convict shakily tried to crawl away, only to have his path to the exit blocked when Fluttershy landed in front of him.

Through the haze of pain, Cyrus tried to lift his head and look her in the eye.

He was met by the most caring blue eyes he had ever seen in his life. The pegasus smiled at him so sweetly that even he couldn't help but find it adorable. Suddenly she used her hoof to put a band aid on a scratch on his nose, after which she kissed it.

"Did I make it better?" She asked.

"... Yeah..." Cyrus groaned out.

"Good." Fluttershy then turned around and bucked Cyrus in the face, sending him flying across the room and into the opposite wall of her cottage.

"That was for threatening Angel."

"Trust me, Garland, he'll get the help he deserves."

"Whatever you say, Discord."

And with that the two clinked their umbrella drinks together and sang another rendition of "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands."

Author's Note

A silly idea that came into my head when I was thinking about one of my favorite movies.

And please remember, every time you swear, you make Fluttershy cry. :fluttercry:

Also. Don't mess with Angel Bunny. Or Fluttershy. :flutterrage: