Fancy Pants Buys a Hooker

by HardRockLlama

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fancypants, Comedy, Sex
Length: 1407

Fancy Pants goes to a bar and is approached by a prostitute with great skill

Fancy Pants goes to a bar after an argument with Fleur Dis Lee to pony-watch. A prostitute approaches him and offers her services with a promise which leaves Fancy Pants so skeptical that he feels he must see for himself.

Published 2017-01-07 21:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-07 21:00:01 UTC

The Best in Equestria or Your Money Back!

Normally, a stallion of my stature would not be caught dead in the type of place that he could buy with the cash in his saddle, but here I was in a dark, smelly bar across the street from my hotel. My female companion, Fleur Dis Lee, had become quite intoxicated from room service alcohol; thus, she had grown quite fond of endlessly nagging for more jewelry. I knew when we had begun this affair that she was a gold-digging whore, but the least she could do is be subtle about it.

The arrangement is simple: I buy her nice things and allow her to live on my bits, and she is eye candy for onlookers to enviously wish they could lay her as I did. Besides, a stallion of my fortune and power, to go alone would make my critics think I was a homosexual, and I simply didn't want that kind of speculation.

I sat on my haunches in the back corner of the bar, facing away from the entrance with my collar up to obscure my face, and my saddle covered my cutie mark for anypony that got close. I'm an older pony, and wearing cheap clothes, so I figured I would remain unbothered by the other patrons. I kept one hoof on my rum and coke, and I held the other over my blue mustache.

"Hey, there!" An effeminate voice greeted from my right. I didn't even look, but she continued to chatter on as if I cared what she had to say. I had no intention of sitting through another female's mindless, wasted breath, so I finally turned to her.

"Listen, dear." I interrupted, "I care not for your existence. You're clearly a gutter-trash hooker, so either tell me your rates or move on to somepony else."

To my surprise she wasn't taken aback. She simply smiled and nodded, "I guess it depends on what you're looking for. A hoof-job will run you a thousand bits, and..."

I interrupted her again, more curious this time, "A thousand bits? Doesn't that seem a bit steep for a hoof-job?"

"With all due respect, mine are the best in Equestria." She confidently smirked. She waved a hoof over her body to show off her expensive blouse and skirt. I noticed she was wearing a very genuine looking diamond, which must have been over 2 karats, that was set in a white-gold necklace. Her mane was obviously designed and dressed by a salon-pony because there was no way an earth-pony like herself could have done it on her own. She was really nice on the eyes, and coming from me, that was saying something.

She continued, "See what I'm wearing? This necklace alone was 25,000 bits, and I paid for all of it with nothing but hoof-jobs in about a week."

I scoffed, "That sounds like something you would tell every stallion."

She shrugged, "How about you give it a shot? Let's say this, if you don't agree, you don't pay."

I nodded slowly, "Alright, I'll take that wager. What have I got to lose?"

"Exactly." She grinned. "Just follow me."

She didn't hesitate as she trotted toward the north side of the bar and went into a hallway that ran to the west. I tried to take a gander of her fun parts as she went, but her wonderfully styled tail obstructed the view. I shrugged to myself, downed the last of my rum and coke, and then did as I was told. When I rounded the corner, she was holding a door open that led to a small room with low pink-tinted lighting of a twin sized bed and a nightstand.

I entered, sat on the floor in front of the bed, and leaned on the mattress. She closed the door behind her with a rear hoof, and then carefully took off her necklace with her teeth. She placed it on the nightstand, and then studied me carefully.

"I'm pretty sure I know who you are, and I promise that your identity is safe with me, but I must make sure that you actually have the thousand bits before I do anything." She explained.

I nodded and thought about my mustache being a dead giveaway. I wasn't wearing my monocle, but it wasn't like ponies had not seen my face on posters and in magazines. I refrained from commenting and simply opened my saddle to show her that I was carrying just over ninety 100 bit bills. She nodded, smiled, and began her work like a true professional.

She put her face close to my emerging member. Her hot breath was teasing me for more than just her hooves, but then she firmly clasped her fore-hooves around my cock, slowly pulled and then smoothly slid back down the entire length. I was utterly in shock at how soft her hooves were and the firm yet gentle touch was accompanied by breathy phrases. She was looking at me, but her mouth was so close to my dick that I felt every plosive consonant on the head of it. The tease of oral sex from her whispers was almost too great to bear, and I had a nearly uncontrolled urge to take her mouth by surprise. Her speech grew more intense while the heat of climax tingled in my extremities as orgasm quickly approached.

"Wait, wait!" I gasped. "Stop there!"

"What's wrong, baby? You weren't enjoying yourself?" She chuckled.

"No, no, that's not it. Best in Equestria is fairly accurate, and I'm curious. How are your blow-jobs?" I was still breathing hard, and my face was so hot from unrequited sexual intensity that I'd begun sweating.

"Best in Equestria." She smiled. "You think I pay the bartender so I can hook here? No, I pay the bartender to serve drinks in my bar."

"This is your bar?" I panted, still sweating.

"Yep. I bought this place in a month by sucking dicks." She laughed.

"How much do I have to pay to try it out?" I asked.

"It's 5,000 bits." She said while eyeing my saddle, knowing that I had the money.

I nodded, and took off my saddle, "Same deal as before?"

"Of course." She said, and then put her hooves back on the base of my cock, but this time she sensually kissed and licked the underside. She allowed a glob of spit to drip across the head, and then she lubricated me with her tongue.

She quickly, and suddenly, crammed my dick in her mouth and bumped her nose on my crotch. She took me so deep that I almost worried the head of my penis was going to be burned by stomach acids. She started to come up for air, and she swallowed hard to cause her throat to squeeze. It was incredible how the back of her throat clasped around my shaft as she pulled off, and I wasn't sure if it was the lingering intensity of her hoof-job, but my brain was tickled and my face involuntarily contorted.

My body arched, and I quickly wrapped a hoof into her mane to pull her in. Even with my dick completely inside her throat, she stuck her tongue out, and licked my sack as I released a powerful explosion of hot, sticky stallion-yogurt directly into her stomach. Each wave of semen injected inside her completely bypassed the choice to swallow, but she managed to wriggle free from my grasp and pull off which caused a spill of fresh spunk to drip from her mouth.

She licked the cum from her lips and chuckled to herself, "That was fast."

"Truely," I exhaled, "Truely the best in Equestria."

"I told you so." She giggled while helping herself to her money. "Anyway, I gotta get back out there and shake my butt. You clean up and leave whenever you're ready."

"Wait." I held a hoof up to her, "I'm not finished quite yet, and I assure you that I have any amount of money you may require, but I would hate to miss out on what I assume is Equestria's best pussy."

She smiled and scoffed, "Shit. If I had one of those, I'd own all of Equestria."

Author's Note

I promise never to do anything this close to clop again. I just thought it was so funny I couldn't leave it un-posted. ;)