Chapters "Aha! Here it is!" Twilight Sparkle used her magic to levitate a dusty, purple tome from a bookshelf. "'Jewels, Gems, and Other Sparkly Rocks.' Just what I was looking for!"
Twilight turned and made her way back to the main room of her library with the book. She had planned to spend the day digging deeper into her magical studies, but she enjoyed the feeling of satisfying an inquisitive mind—even if it wasn't her own—and didn't mind the distraction.
Today's request, however, came from an unusual source: her friend Rarity, who never checked anything out of the library save for the occasional book on historical fashion.
"Here's the book you wanted!" Twilight said to Rarity as she entered the library foyer. "I knew I had a copy somewhere."
"And I am most grateful that you do," Rarity said. "I'm expecting a shipment of exotic gemstones quite soon, and I'd like an idea of what's coming so I can plan my upcoming summer collection."
"That sounds interesting," Twilight said. "Now then, let's get you checked out—"
Suddenly, the sound of a pony shouting could be heard outside the library, and an orange mare burst into the room. "Twilight! Rarity!" the pony sputtered. "Have either of y'all seen the mayor around? We got trouble out at the farm!"
"What is it, Applejack?" Twilight asked. "Are the parasprites back? Did the barn fall in again? Are the Cutie Mark Crusaders trying to get their cutie marks in tightrope walking?"
"It's worse!" Applejack said. "We've been robbed!"
"Robbed ?" Rarity's mouth fell open at the revelation. "Why, that's awful! Who on earth would commit such a horrid act?"
"I don't know," Applejack said, "but when I went to get some cider out of our apple cellar, I found the door wide open! Some low-down, no-good, mulch-munchin' varmint smashed up a bunch of our cider barrels and cleaned out the safe we had down there!" Applejack's eyes began to water as she recalled the scene. "To think," she added, "we put that safe down there thinkin' nopony would ever bother it..."
"What was in the safe?" Twilight asked. "How much did the thieves take?"
"I don't rightly know, exactly," Applejack said, "but I'd bet we had at least a thousand bits in there." She stomped her hoof in frustration. "I didn't know what else to do, so I was tryin' to find the Mayor so I could report the crime."
Twilight glanced up at a clock hanging on the wall, which read ten minutes past three o'clock. "The mayor usually goes for a walk in the park right about now," she noted. "If you hurry, you might catch her before she leaves her office."
"Oh, applesauce!" Applejack smacked her face with her hoof. "I forgot about the park." She took a deep breath to steady her nerves. "I guess I'd better mosey on over there, pronto. Thanks for the help, Twilight."
Rarity grimaced as Applejack turned and headed for the front door. "This is outrageous!" she said. "Have those ruffians no shame? Preying on a wholesome, hard-working family like the Apples? What nerve!"
"Ponies can stoop pretty low sometimes," Twilight agreed. "They'll say or do just about anything to make money. In fact, I got a letter from Shining Armor the other day that said a bunch of scam artists had recently stolen several thousand bits from ponies in Canterlot."
"Disgusting," Rarity spat. "I trust Celestia has a special place in the Canterlot dungeon reserved for such boors."
Twilight opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by the sound of her front door being flung open and a drum roll of hooves heading in her direction. Within seconds, she and Rarity found themselves face-to-face with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, each sporting the biggest grin they could muster. "TWILIGHT!" the fillies shouted in unison. "GUESS WHAT?"
Twilight again tried to reply, but Rarity beat her to the punch. "Sweetie Belle!" Rarity scolded her sister. "A lady does not barge into somepony's home like a bull and use their outdoor voice to address the occupant!"
"I'm sorry, sis," Sweetie Belle replied, "but I'm just so excited!"
"We can't help it!" Apple Bloom added. "We're rich!"
"Or at least Apple Bloom is!" Scootaloo pointed a hoof at Apple Bloom as she spoke.
"Well, technically Applejack is rich," Apple Bloom corrected herself, "but I'd bet she'd be glad to share!"
"Applejack, rich?" Rarity exchanged a confused look with Twilight. "I don't understand, darling."
"Me neither," Twilight admitted. "Applejack was just here a minute ago, and she—"
"Oh, she doesn't know yet!" Scootaloo explained. "She wasn't home when we got the news."
"And that news was..." Twilight began, hoping to tease out some more information.
"Applejack won the Grand Canterlot Clearinghouse Sweepstakes!" Apple Bloom said. "I didn't even know she'd entered any sweepstakes, but she must have, 'cause she won one million bits!"
"Think of all the things you could do with one million bits!" Scootaloo dreamed. "You could retire to a beachside mansion!"
"You could hire ponies to harvest all your apples for you, and make 'em carry Granny Smith wherever she goes!" Apple Bloom gushed.
"You could travel the world, and see all the sights!" Sweetie Belle squealed.
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER WEALTHY JETSETTERS! YAY!" the three fillies sang as they exchanged a high-hoof.
"A sweepstakes, huh?" Twilight scratched her chin with her hoof, certain that she smelled a rat somewhere. "If you could," she asked the fillies, "could you tell me exactly how you found out about this sweepstakes?"
"Sure thing!" Apple Bloom said. "We were in the barn working on our latest plan to get our cutie marks..."
Vs. The Cutie Mark Crusaders
About six hours earlier...
Sweetie Belle gulped as she stared down at the empty hog trough below her. She was used to being placed in precarious positions by her friends in the name of earning a cutie mark, but this idea seemed a little outrageous even for them. She found herself inside one of the barns at Applejack's farm, standing at the top of a small stepladder while being wrapped in a set of heavy chains. "Um... I don't know about this, Scootaloo," she said. "Couldn't we try earning our magician cutie marks by doing something safer, like pulling bits out of ponies' ears?"
"Aw, come on, Sweetie Belle, this'll be fun!" Scootaloo smiled as she locked the chains in place.
"Besides," Apple Bloom added, as she filled the trough with water, "you drew the short straw, fair and square."
Sweetie Belle sighed. "Okay then," she reluctantly agreed, "but if I can't figure out how to escape, you'll save me, right?"
"Of course!" Apple Bloom said. "Scoot and I'll be right here the entire time!"
"Alright." Sweetie Belle looked down at the trough, then closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and stepped off the ladder, falling into the trough with a splash.
No sooner had Sweetie Belle disappeared into the water than the other two fillies heard a knocking at the barn door. "Gosh, I wonder who that could be?" Apple Bloom wondered as she turned and walked to the door.
Pushing the barn door open, Apple Bloom found herself staring at a tall, well-groomed unicorn stallion with a snow-white coat and a silver mane, and who wore a black suit jacket and red bow tie. Two other creatures stood a short distance from the door: A young female griffon wearing a sparkling silver gown and matching tiara and holding a bouquet, and a big, burly Diamond Dog holding what appeared to be a large, blank posterboard.
The unicorn smiled down at Apple Bloom. "Greetings, young lady! We're here from the Equestrian Prize Patrol, and we're looking for the proprietor of this fine establishment. Do you know where we could find him?"
"You mean Applejack?" Apple Bloom furrowed her brow at the unicorn. "First of all, she's a her , not a him! Second of all, Applejack's workin' in the lower forty of the southwest orchard right now, and didn't want anypony botherin' her. Can I take a message?"
"Of course!" The unicorn turned and nodded to the dog, who pulled out a black marker and began writing something on the back side of his board. "And you would be?"
"I'm Apple Bloom! Applejack's my sister."
"Well, Apple Bloom, allow me to be the first to congratulate your family, because your sister has just won one million bits in the Grand Canterlot Clearinghouse Sweepstakes!" The unicorn turned and swept a hoof back towards his companions, and the dog flipped his posterboard over to reveal an oversized cheque printed on the other side.
Apple Bloom's eyes nearly popped out of her head as she read the cheque. "R-R-Really?" she stammered. "I-I can't believe it! I didn't even know Applejack had entered any contest!"
"She probably just wanted to surprise you!" The well-dressed unicorn patted Apple Bloom on the head, then motioned for the griffon to step forward.
"Wow..." Apple Bloom whispered as she accepted the bouquet from the griffon. "This... This is the best day ever! " She spun around and began shouting back into the barn. "Scoot! Sweetie! Come here! We-we're rich! "
"What?! " A few splashes could be heard inside the barn, and within seconds Scootaloo and a soaking-wet Sweetie Belle, chains and all, were at Apple Bloom's side.
"Wow!" Scootaloo said as she read the cheque. "A whole million? That's totally awesome!"
"Omigosh!" Sweetie Belle squealed. "Do you know how many cupcakes you could buy for that?"
"Cupcakes nothin'!" Apple Bloom said. "Why, with a million bits, we could buy a whole cupcake factory, and a private island to put it on!"
The well-dressed stallion laughed. "Now, now, Miss Bloom, let's not get ahead of ourselves here! You're not quite rich, but you're almost there! All we need from your family is an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny transaction fee, and then we can send the money right over."
"Huh?" Sweetie Belle scratched her head. "What's a transaction fee?"
"And how much is itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny?" Scootaloo asked.
"Oh, only a thousand bits," the stallion explained. "Mere peanuts compared to your winnings, really."
"A thousand? " Scootaloo's face fell at the number. "But we've only get three bits in the clubhouse treasury! Where are we gonna get nine-hundred and ninety-seven more?"
"I know!" Apple Bloom said. "Crusaders, follow me! The rest of y'all, stay put—you'll have your, uh, transition fee in no time!"
Apple Bloom led Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle out around the barn and behind one of the hay sheds, stopping at the entrance to Applejack's underground apple cellar. "Oh no!" Scootaloo cried as she tried the door. "It's locked!"
"Have no fear!" Apple Bloom declared as she pulled open the shed door. "I know where Applejack keeps the key!"
"Speaking of keys..." Sweetie Belle panted as she pointed to the iron chains still wrapped around her body.
"Oh. Right." Scootaloo unlocked Sweetie's chains while Apple Bloom searched inside the shed for the cellar key.
"Got it!" Apple Bloom quickly reappeared with the cellar key and opened the lock. "Come on!"
The three fillies descended into the cellar, finding themselves in a dimly-lit chamber with cider barrels stacked to the ceiling all around them. "There!" Apple Bloom pointed to a large iron safe standing in the corner of the room. "That's where the money is!"
"But how do we open it?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Do you know the combination?"
"No," Apple Bloom admitted, "but I do know that Applejack hides it in one of these barrels!" She jumped up onto one of the barrels and quickly made her way to the top of the stack. "Timber!" she shouted as she pushed one of the topmost barrels off the pile.
The tipped barrel tumbled to the ground and smashed to pieces on impact, splattering Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle with the cider from inside. "That's how we're gonna find the combination?" Scootaloo said with a frown as she wiped the cider from her eyes. "This will take forever!"
"Applejack won't be happy when she sees all her barrels broken," Sweetie Belle added.
"Aw, don't worry!" Apple Bloom insisted. "She can just buy a bunch more when she gets her money!"
"Good point," Sweetie Belle conceded. "So, what are we waiting for?"
The three fillies quickly began climbing up the barrels and dropping them onto the floor of the chamber. Forty-six smashed barrels and several hundred gallons of wasted cider later, the trio finally found a barrel with nothing inside but a small slip of paper containing three numbers.
"That's it!" Apple Bloom snatched up the paper and began spinning the safe dial according to the paper's instructions. The safe door unlocked and swung open, revealing a large pile of bits inside.
"Whoa! That's a lot of bits!" Scootaloo said. "Do you think there's a thousand in there?"
"We'd better grab it all, just in case!" Apple Bloom ran over to a half-smashed barrel and pushed it over to the safe. "Help me load this up!"
The three fillies emptied the safe's contents into the barrel, carried the loaded barrel back up the cellar steps, and slowly made their way back to the prize patrol waiting by the barn. "Is this enough?" Apple Bloom asked.
The stallion's eyes lit up as he gazed upon the barrel full of bits. "I think this will just about cover it!" he said. "We'll get the paperwork started right away. You should receive your money in, oh, about four to six weeks."
The Diamond Dog handed his large cheque to the griffon and picked up the barrel, and the prize patrol beat a hasty retreat with the money. "Give your sister our regards!" the stallion shouted as they left.
"Yay! We're rich! We're rich!" the Crusaders cheered as the prize patrol disappeared down the road.
"And we even handled the whole transition fee thing by ourselves!" Apple Bloom said. "Applejack's gonna be so proud of us!"
"Oh, girls!" Twilight put her head in her hooves as the Crusaders finished their story. "You should never have to pay to collect a prize! That was just a scam!"
"What?! " the Crusaders screamed in unison.
"You mean we're not rich?" Scootaloo wailed.
"And we're not going to be Cutie Mark Crusader Wealthy Jetsetters?" Sweetie Belle whimpered.
"And Applejack is not gonna be proud of us?" Apple Bloom sniffled.
Twilight shook her head. "I'm sorry, girls."
"Aw..." The three fillies hung their heads as their eyes welled up.
"There, there." Twilight placed a leg across Apple Bloom's shoulders. "Don't take it so hard, girls. Con artists are highly trained professionals, with no regard for the ponies they hurt. Even older ponies fall for their tricks! Right, Rarity?"
"Well, er..." Rarity's face turned red, and she gave Twilight a sheepish smile. "Now that you mention it..."
About three hours earlier...
"And voilà! " Rarity stepped back to admire her latest attempt at maximizing a customer's fabulosity. "Très magnifique , if I do say so myself!"
Blossomforth, Rarity's current victim, looked down at the baby-blue, sapphire-studded dress she was wearing. "It's nice, really," she said, "but all I wanted was a scarf!"
"Just a scarf? " Rarity shook her head vigorously. "Heavens no! A simple scarf won't flatter your figure at all!" She scooped up the edge of the dress with her hoof and pressed it next to Blossomforth's face. "Why, just look at how well that color goes with your eyes! I daresay that even Cloud Kicker's wandering eye will linger on you with this!"
"Ugh!" Blossomforth smacked her hoof against her face. "For the hundredth time, Cloud Kicker and I are not —"
Blossomforth was interrupted by the sound of a doorbell ringing. "Just a moment, please!" Rarity said, holding up her hoof for silence. "Duty calls!"
Rarity walked over to the front door and threw it open with a flourish. "Welcome to Carousel Boutique!" she sang. "Where everything is chic, unique, and—good heavens! "
Standing at the door was a young female griffon wearing a sparkling silver gown and matching tiara, and sporting a golden purse around her neck. The ensemble was highlighted by a long sash that stretched from the griffon's left shoulder to her right hip, and was covered in radiant, multi-colored jewels.
"Greetings, madam," the griffon said with a bow. "I am Princess GottaLottaMoolah, heir to the throne of Neighgeria."
Rarity opened her mouth, but her eyes were locked on the griffon's dazzling outfit, and she was too starstruck by the sight to say anything.
The griffon raised a claw and gestured towards the two creatures standing behind her: a tall, white-coated unicorn stallion and a big, burly Diamond Dog, both wearing wooden breastplates and helmets. "My companions and I are traveling this land on official business," the griffon revealed. "We are searching for generous Equestrian citizens to assist us with an important matter of state."
Rarity ignored the griffon and continued admiring the griffon's dress. "My stars!" she said, taking the edge of the dress in her hoof. "This fabric is simply divine! Smooth and soft like silk, yet airy and durable like cotton!"
"Um, well, thank you?" The griffon shot a look of confusion back at her companions.
"And these gems!" Rarity floated a loupe out from her shop using her magic and used it to examine the stones on the griffon's sash. "These colors are amazing! And the way they change in the light, it's...” She stopped for a moment to search for the right word. “Kaleidoscopic!”
“Gosh, uh, thank you again!” the griffon said, her face turning a bit red at the praise. “I, uh, I made it myself.”
“I've only ever found single-colored stones around here,” Rarity said. “Where in the world did you find these amazing jewels?"
"Well, I, uh..." The griffon cast another helpless look back at the stallion behind her.
The stallion sighed and stepped forward. "You like dress?" he asked in broken English with a terrible accent. "Gems come from homeland, long way from here."
"Simply amazing," Rarity cooed as she continued fawning over the dress. "It's too bad these gems aren't native to Equestria. Why, I can already imagine the designs—"
"That why we here," the stallion said. "Many gems in mountains back home. Buried deep. Much work to find them. Need help. Need money."
"Yes, that's right! Money!" the griffon chimed in, breathing a sigh of relief. "These stones are very hard to dig up, because the ground is, well, uh, very hard to dig in! We wish to find these gems and sell them to bring prosperity to our fair land, but we do not have the resources to even start such a project."
"I see." Rarity eyed the griffon and stallion with curiosity. "So you're looking for somepony to fund your ventures?"
The griffon nodded. "Of course, any investors would share in the profits of the sale of these stones. We were thinking perhaps fifteen—"
"Twenty-five," the stallion interrupted, reaching out and kicking the griffon with his back leg.
"Twenty-five percent!" the griffon restated, shooting an annoyed glare at the stallion as she rubbed her sore leg.
"Twenty-five percent, you say?" Rarity looked down and examined the stones on the dress once more. "I must admit, that sounds awfully tempting."
"We expect quite a windfall from these stones," the griffon said. "Why, this dress alone has been valued at nearly fifteen thousand bits!"
"Oh my." Rarity glanced skyward and scratched her chin for a moment as she pondered the idea. "I don't know," she finally admitted. "As much as I'd love to help you, I'm afraid I'm experiencing a bit of a lull in my business right now, and I'm just not sure I can afford this."
"Well, uh, perhaps we could sweeten our offer a bit," the griffon offered. "What if we gave you, say, forty percent of all profits?"
"Your majesty!" the stallion objected in a stern tone. "I not sure we can afford such deal."
"Really?" the griffon asked in surprise. "But I thought—"
The stallion sighed and kicked the griffon with his hind leg again.
"Oh, uh, right." The griffon looked back at Rarity, then raised her claw to her forehead and struck a dramatic pose. "I mean, I know it will not leave us much, but we have no choice. We cannot return home without finding help!"
Rarity gave the pair an apologetic look. "I'm still not sure I—"
"You make dress?" the stallion asked. "We could give you stones to sell. You be, er, I think word is, exclusive supplier?"
"Exclusive, you say?" Rarity's ears perked up at the word. "You mean I could use your gems for my outfits, and be the only shop in Equestria who had them?"
"Yes!" the griffon and stallion said in unison.
A large smile spread across Rarity's face. "My one-of-a-kind outfits could be even more spectacular!" She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "How much money would you need?"
"Let's see." The griffon looked back over at the stallion. "Perhaps seven hundred bits would be enough to get things started."
The stallion shook his head. "Not enough. At least thousand."
Rarity winced at the number. "It's a bit steep," she said, "but I believe I can swing that. Wait here for just a moment."
Rarity walked back into her shop and lifted a picture off of the wall to reveal a safe, completely oblivious to the fact that a crumpled dress and an open window were now all that was left of Blossomforth. "This could be a golden opportunity," she told herself as she entered the combination. "Think of the ensembles you could create! Think of the fashionable ponies you could impress! Think of the up-and-coming designers you could crush beneath your hooves!"
Rarity opened the safe, withdrew the proper number of bits, dropped the money in a cloth sack, and hurried back to the Neighgerian delegation at her front door. "So sorry to keep you waiting," she said as she gave the bag to the griffon. "I trust this will cover your expenses?"
The griffon's eyes lit up as she looked inside the sack. "Yeah, that'll do," she said as she threw the bag over her shoulder.
The stallion muttered something under his breath and kicked the griffon a third time.
"Ow!" The griffon jumped back and shot a death glare at the stallion. "I mean, yes, I believe this will suffice. We shall return to Neighgeria at once to commence our mining operations." The griffon bowed to Rarity. "Thank you for your generosity."
"Oh, don't mention it, really," Rarity said with a smile.
"We get back to you soon," the stallion said as he and the griffon turned to leave. "Four to six weeks."
"That sounds just fine! Safe travels!" Rarity waved as the Neighgerian trio walked away, then returned to her boutique. "I can't wait until I get those gems!" she said to herself. "This is going to be wonderful!"
"Oh, Rarity!" Twilight put her head in her hooves once more. "Neighgerian royalty rackets are the oldest trick in the book!"
"I couldn't help myself!" Rarity moaned. "I'd never seen gems with such color!" She slammed her head down on a nearby desk. "Oh, Twilight! Whatever shall I do?"
"Don't feel bad, sis." Sweetie Belle walked over and reached out to put a leg across Rarity's shoulders, but could only reach halfway up Rarity's leg. "You heard Twilight. They're highly trained professionals."
"Yeah, and they're plum heartless, too!" Apple Bloom added.
Twilight sighed. "We'll just going to have to find these thieves and force them to return what they've stolen," she said. "That's easier said than done, though. If they haven't left town already, they're going to do it soon, before ponies start catching on to their tricks. We'll need to catch up with them fast."
"Yeah, that won't be too hard," a voice remarked from outside Twilight's window.
Everypony turned towards the window, where a cyan pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane hovered outside. "Rainbow Dash!" Twilight exclaimed as she rushed over to open the window. "Have you been conned by these crooks too?"
"No way!" Scootaloo interrupted. "Rainbow Dash is way to awesome to fall for those dirty tricks!"
"True," Rainbow Dash acknowledged. "Fluttershy, on the other hoof..."
Less than an hour earlier...
By the time the clock struck two, Fluttershy had finished most of her daily chores. She had fed the birds, fed the fish, fed the chickens, watered the plants, and given one of her bears a deep-tissue massage. The last thing left on her list, however, was her most difficult task yet: Getting her pet bunny Angel to eat his daily recommended intake of vegetables.
"Now Angel," Fluttershy said in a soft, encouraging tone, "you know that lettuce casserole is good and good for you." She pushed a plate of greens in front of Angel. "It's got lots of essential vitamins and nutrients, you know."
Angel crossed his front legs and turned his nose up at the greens before him.
Fluttershy sighed. "Well, what would you like?"
Angel scurried over to a nearby bookshelf and pulled a cookbook off of the bottom shelf. After flipping through a few pages, he ran back over to Fluttershy and slammed the open book against her face.
Fluttershy stepped back, shook the stars from her eyes, and examined the pages before her. "Duck à l'orange?" she read. "But I thought you were an herbivore! Besides, the only ducks around here are—" She stopped as she realized Angel's true motives. "No!" she said, giving Angel a stern look. "I know you're still mad about what Mrs. Quackybill did to your favorite pillow, but—" Fluttershy was interrupted by the sound of a knock on her door. "Oh! I wonder who that could be?"
Fluttershy opened her door to find a big, burly Diamond Dog wearing a tight, white nurse's dress on his body, a small nurse's cap on his head, and a nervous look on his face. "G-G-Good morning, miss," the dog stammered. "I am from the, um, the—"
"Equestrian Medical Center!" a voice whispered from the bushes behind the dog.
"Yes, the, um, E-question Medical Center," the dog continued. "We—um, I am here because your good friend has suffered a terrible accident."
"My good friend? An accident? Oh no!" Fluttershy squealed, squishing her face with her front hooves in distress. "Is it Applejack? Rarity? No, it's Rainbow Dash, isn't it?"
"Er, yes?" the dog replied.
"Oh dear! I've told Rainbow to be careful when she's training!" Fluttershy lamented. "What happened? Did she break her leg?"
"Um, I'm afraid so," the dog said.
"Did she sprain her wings?"
"Yes, yes, all of them."
"Did she hit her head and put herself in a coma?"
"Why, um, of course! She's got the comiest coma we've ever seen."
"This is terrible! Just awful!" Fluttershy's eyes welled up at the thought of Rainbow Dash lying motionless in a hospital bed covered in several layers of bandages. "Lying in a hospital room, all cold and alone... And even worse, she doesn't have any insurance!"
"She doesn't?" The dog's eyes widened in surprise. "Gosh, that is bad."
A stray pebble suddenly came flying out from the bushes, striking the Diamond Dog in the back of his head.
"Ow!" The dog flinched and rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean, that's why we're here."
"Oh no!" Fluttershy wailed. "Rainbow's probably run up several thousand bits worth of expenses already, and you need somepony to pay up right away or you'll stop treating her!"
"Wow." The Diamond Dog looked at Fluttershy in amazement. "You, uh, you don't have ESP, do you?"
Fluttershy shook her head. "I don't even have an IRA." She ran back into her cottage, grabbed her saddlebag from its hook, and dumped its contents out onto her table. "All I have right now is seventeen bits." She hung her head, stuffed the money back in her bag, and brought it back to the Diamond Dog. "Will this help?"
The dog nearly melted at the sight of Fluttershy's sad face. "Well," he said, "I guess if that's all you have, maybe we can—"
A second pebble shot out from the bushes and struck the Diamond Dog square in the rump. "Ow!" the dog howled in pain. "Er, I mean, I'm sorry, but we need more money than that."
"Oh dear!" Fluttershy turned away from the Diamond Dog and began pacing back and forth in her cottage. "How will I ever collect enough money for Rainbow Dash's treatment? I suppose I could ask Pinkie about those three bits she borrowed last week, and maybe collect those ten bits Rarity owes me for covering her spa treatment last year..."
As Fluttershy continued scheming, Angel hopped over to the door and began circling the Diamond Dog, staring up at the burly creature with a look of suspicion. "Um, hi there, little guy," the dog said, giving the bunny a nervous smile and a small wave.
Angel scowled at the dog, then reached out and stomped on the the dog's toes.
"Yow!" The dog grabbed his foot and did a one-legged hop into the cottage.
"Oh! Did you stub your toe?" Fluttershy asked innocently. "I should have warned you about that loose board by the door. I'm sorry."
"No, that little—" The Diamond Dog stopped as he started looking around the cottage. "Oh wow." He whistled in amazement. "You have a really nice house here, miss. I sure wish I had a place like this."
Fluttershy's ears perked up. "That's it!" she said. "This is a nice place, and I do have a lot of nice things. I'll bet you could sell them and use the money to cover Rainbow's treatment!"
Fluttershy started darting around the cabin dragging furniture and rugs, pulling things off of her walls, and grabbing various items out of cabinets and drawers, piling everything she could get her hooves on at the dog's feet. "This will help cover Rainbow's bills, won't it?" she asked.
"Er, well, uh, I don't know," the dog admitted, casting several confused glances back out towards the bushes as he spoke.
The dog's behavior raised Angel's suspicions even further, and he hopped outside to investigate the bushes the dog had been looking at. Upon stopping to sniff them, however, a stray hoof popped out of the bush and karate-chopped Angel on top of the head. The bunny faceplanted onto the ground, his head circled by stars, swirls, and quacking ducks.
Meanwhile, Fluttershy walked over to the far corner of her cottage, where a lone picture of the yellow pegasus and five other ponies still hung on the wall. She lifted the portrait to reveal a small safe, opened it without bothering to enter a combination, and pulled out a gold necklace with a butterfly-shaped hole in its center. "This is the necklace that held the Element of Kindness, one of the Elements of Harmony," she said as she carried the necklace over and set it on top of the pile of items in front of the Diamond Dog. "It's a priceless artifact, so I'm sure you can get a lot of money for it."
The dog's eyes lit up at the sight of the necklace, and his pupils were replaced by large green dollar signs. "Absolutely!" he agreed. "This will definitely cover the—ow! " The dog muttered something under his breath and rubbed the spot on his back where a third pebble had struck him. "I mean, I'm sorry, but this is still not enough."
"Still not enough?" Fluttershy's face fell, and she stared dejectedly at the ground. "Then I guess there's only one thing to do."
Fluttershy turned and hurried up the stairs to the second floor of her cottage, leaving the Diamond Dog standing in her doorway scratching his head. The pegasus reappeared a few minutes later, carrying a large paper scroll in her mouth. She placed the scroll on top of her gold necklace. "This is the deed to my cottage," she said as she wiped a tear from her eye. "It's got a great view, it's in a great school district, and you can claim the manure heating system as a tax deduction. I'm sure you can get enough money to cover Rainbow's expenses from selling this."
The Diamond Dog was touched by Fluttershy's selfless act. "Gosh, miss, you shouldn't have to give up your—ow! I mean, your generosity is heartwarming. I'm sure this will be enough."
"Thank you." Fluttershy walked back and picked up her saddlebags. "Come along, Angel," she said in a sad tone. "We have to go now."
Angel popped up off the ground, threw his paws in the air, ran over to Fluttershy, gave her an are-you-kidding? look, and latched on to the pegasus's hind leg, trying vainly to convince her that this was a bad idea. Fluttershy paid Angel no mind, however, and she dragged the bunny behind her as she walked out the door. Before he left, however, Angel kicked out his hind leg as he passed the Diamond Dog, striking the dog in the ankle.
"Ow! " The dog grabbed his sore ankle and grimaced at Angel, who blew a raspberry in response.
"Now Angel, be nice," Fluttershy chided her pet. "He was just the messenger. As long as Rainbow Dash gets better, it will be worth it."
"She gave up her house?!? " Twilight's eyes nearly popped out of her head at the story.
"You're surprised by this?" Rainbow shook her head. "She's the Element of Kindness for a reason, you know."
"Where is the poor dear now?" Rarity asked.
"I left her with Pinkie at Sugarcube Corner," Rainbow replied with a grimace, "while I went over to show those lame-o losers how injured I was."
"Were you able to confront them?" Twilight asked.
"No," Rainbow grumbled. "The place was locked up tight. I tried forcing my way in through one of the windows, but they'd barricaded them all with furniture or something." Rainbow rubbed her head, wincing when she hit the sore spot.
Twilight sighed. "Well, we might as well look on the bright side of this: At least we know where those crooks are now."
"Yes, and I believe our path is clear," Rarity said. "We must apprehend these ruffians and bring them to justice."
"Yeah, and teach them a lesson they'll never forget!" Rainbow said, pounding her front hooves together as she spoke.
Twilight's eyes suddenly lit up. "I have a better idea," she declared. "Rainbow, you and I need to make a quick trip to the Everfree Forest. Rarity, go over to Sugarcube Corner and bring Fluttershy and Pinkie back here. Apple Bloom, you and the other Crusaders go back to Sweet Apple Acres and tell Applejack to meet us here as soon as she can." She walked over to the glass case where her element-less crown still sat. "I think it's time we give them a taste of their own medicine."
About an hour later...
As he stood in front of his new stove in the new kitchen of his new home, Lucky took a moment to marvel at his good fortune. Not only had the boss given him his very first job, but the Diamond Dog's resulting score had been the biggest haul in the gang's history, and even included an awesome hideout! If this wasn't the greatest day of his life, it was certainly in the top five.
"Come on, bone breath!" a gruff voice yelled from another room. "Make with the cooking already!"
"Sorry, boss!" Lucky started rifling through the cabinets nearby, grabbing everything that looked even remotely edible and tossing it all into a pot of water. After collecting enough ingredients, he turned the stove burner on full power, mindful of how much the boss hated waiting for dinner. He spent the next few minutes watching his stew boil and poking at various items in the stew with a fork, then decided that it was done enough for the group's purposes and left to spread the good news.
Lucky found his griffon and stallion partners biding time in the next room. The griffon sat on a nearby couch scratching at a few gems with her claws, while the stallion sat on the floor letting a pile of bits run through his hooves. "Foxy! Helga!" Lucky shouted. "The soup's ready!"
In an instant, the stallion was off of the floor and nose-to-nose with Lucky. "It's 'Silver Fox,' you flea-ridden fathead!" he shouted. "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, never call me Foxy!"
Lucky cowered under Silver Fox's glare. "S-s-sorry, boss."
Silver Fox stared angrily at Lucky for an extra few seconds. "I'll let it go this time since I'm such an understanding pony," he finally said, "but don't let it happen again." He turned his back to Lucky and went back to his bits. "Now go back and keep an eye on the stove! We don't want this place to end up like our last hideout."
"Oops! The stove!" Lucky turned and scurried back into the kitchen.
"Dumb dog," Silver Fox grumbled. "I ought to make him sleep outside with the rest of the rodents around here."
Helga rolled her eyes. "Give it a rest, would you? You should be happy—no one ever calls me foxy."
"Gosh, I can't imagine why," Silver Fox muttered sarcastically. "What are you doing, anyway? Playing with your stupid rocks again?"
"Hey, these 'rocks' made you a thousand bits today!" Helga took two of the gems she had been carving and pressed them together, their contours fitting together perfectly. "You heard that fashion pony today. She called my sash kaleidoscopic!"
"Your sash?" Silver Fox shot back. "Don't forget, it was my magic that fused those stones together!"
"Yeah, but it was my artistic vision. You just did the grunt work." Helga yawned, stretched, and cast a weary glance back at Silver Fox. "So how long are we gonna stay here, anyway?"
"I dunno," Silver Fox said. "Two, maybe three months."
"Months? " Helga nearly fell off of the couch in surprise. "But you always say—"
"'If you stay three weeks or more, you'll be behind a jailhouse door,' yes, I know," Silver Fox interrupted. "But that's only if you're dealing with normal, intelligent ponies, not dim bulbs like the yokels around here." He laughed and dumped a pile of bits over his head. "This town's got more suckers than a lollipop factory!"
"No argument here," Helga said. "When Lucky can get some dumb pony to fork over her house, you know you're in the right place."
"Precisely!" Silver Fox said. "We'll make a fortune in no time!"
Suddenly, a loud knocking at the door brought both Helga and Silver Fox to an upright position in a hurry. "Blast it all!" Silver Fox cursed as he grabbed a nearby sack and started shoveling the money on the floor into it. "Go see who's at the door, and get rid of them!"
"Right." Helga hurried over to a window next to the front door, pushing a large bureau out of the way and peeling back the curtain to get a look at their visitor. "Holy flying feather! " she screeched, turning and racing back to where the stallion was picking up bits. "The jig's up!" she shouted. "It's that new princess pony chick, and she's brought an army with her!"
"What?! " Silver Fox dropped his bag and hurried over to the front window to see for himself. Sure enough, Twilight Sparkle was standing at the door in full princess regalia, surrounded by six other ponies covered in armor from head to hindquarters whose faces were hidden by their helmets.
"What are we gonna do?" Helga whimpered.
"We're going to stay calm!" Silver Fox whispered. "For one thing, these dolts don't know that anypony's home!"
"Hi there!" The two con artists turned to see Twilight waving at them through the window. "Can I come in?" Twilight asked.
"...Okay, maybe they do," Silver Fox said. "But we're innocent until proven guilty, and they don't have a shred of evidence against us!" He shoved Helga away from the window. "Now go hide the loot while I distract them!"
As Helga scurried away, Silver Fox took a deep breath, put on his biggest smile, and opened the door. "Why, Princess Twilight! What a pleasant surprise!" He bowed to the princess. "I am honored to stand in your presence."
"Thank you, sir." Twilight returned Silver Fox's bow. "Do you have a moment? I would like to talk with you about an important matter."
"Of course, princess." Silver Fox stepped outside, making sure to close the front door behind him.
Twilight leaned in close to Silver Fox. "Well, as you have probably heard," she whispered, "since my coronation, I have been given many responsibilities pertaining to the governance of Equestria, and have received a large tract of land to rule as my own."
"Er, have you now?" Silver Fox said. "I, uh, had not heard anything about this."
"Of course you haven't," Twilight said, her smile fading to a scowl. "You know why? Because I haven't gotten anything yet! " She stomped a hoof on the ground in frustration. "Here I am, a fully-coronated princess, the rightful heir to the throne of Equestria, confined to a pithy little backwater town and left to rule over a pile of dusty old books and letters while those two haggard old crones in Canterlot laugh at the world while sitting on my throne!"
One of the armored ponies stepped forward. "Sire, please! Hold your tongue!" the pony cautioned, their eyes locked firmly on Silver Fox. "We do not know about this one."
"But it's just not fair!" Twilight pouted. "You don't think it's fair, do you, sir?"
"Well, uh... No! Not at all!" Silver Fox stammered. "Why, this is an outright disgrace, a travesty of the highest order!"
Twilight smiled. "I knew I could trust you," she said. "That is why I came here to ask for your assistance."
"My assistance?" Silver Fox scratched his head as he looked at Twilight. "What do you mean?"
Twilight swept one of her hooves towards the five armored ponies that remained behind her. "I am raising an army against the tyrants Celestia and Luna," she said. "When the time is right, we shall march on Canterlot, and take by force the title that is rightfully mine!"
"An army?" Silver Fox arched an eyebrow at Twilight. "Er, pardon my ignorance, princess, but are you sure that will be enough? The stories that I've heard about the power of the Royal Sisters—"
"Are all true," Twilight admitted. "That is why I have made an alliance with the Zebra Nation, so that together we can create powerful enough magic to bring even Celestia to her knees."
The armored pony next to Twilight removed her helmet to reveal that she was not actually a pony at all, but a zebra. "Our rulers know a magic spell," the zebra said, "to send those sisters straight to—"
"Well then!" Silver Fox interrupted. "It certainly looks like you've got all your bases covered, milady! But I still don't understand what you need with me."
"The zebras must appeal to their elder spirits for the power we need," Twilight explained. "To do that, they must give the spirits an offering equivalent to the favor they are asked."
The zebra at Twilight's side nodded. "We must appeal to the powers that be, powers that do not work for free."
"Okay..." Silver Fox eyed the zebra warily. "So the bottom line is you need cash."
"Yes," Twilight said. "My own funds are managed and tracked by the princesses in Canterlot, so we are forced to ask for under-the-table donations from like-minded individuals such as yourself."
"I see." An impish grin spread across Silver Fox's face as the wheels turned in his mind. "I must admit my trepidation with your offer, your Highness. Taking on the Royal Sisters is a risky proposition, and should your movement fail, I doubt Celestia would look fondly upon its backers. Perhaps if there were something you could offer in return for my help..."
"Of course," Twilight said. "If our plan succeeds, we would certainly reimburse anything you could give us, and much more, from the castle's private treasury."
"Private treasury?" Silver Fox's ears perked up.
"Oh yes," Twilight said with a smile. "The catacombs underneath Canterlot Castle are filled with riches as far as the eye can see, and believe me, I've seen them. Celestia once told me that she thought there were several billion bits down there."
Silver Fox's eyes popped wide open, and his jaw dropped to the ground. "B-b-billions? You mean, like, with a b?"
Twilight nodded. "Help me take the crown, and you'll be handsomely rewarded for your trouble."
Silver Fox jumped up and saluted Twilight. "Princess Twilight, you have my full and unfettered cooperation!" he said. "Please excuse me for a moment while I break the news to my colleagues—trust me, they feel the same way as I do."
"Thank you, kind sir." Twilight bowed as Silver Fox scurried back into the house.
A few of the armored ponies behind Twilight began to giggle. "Stay in character!" Twilight whispered. "We're almost there!"
After a few minutes, Silver Fox, Helga, and Lucky emerged from the house holding large bags of bits.
"Here it is!" Silver Fox dropped his bags at Twilight's hooves. "Why, I'll bet there's almost five thousand bits here!"
"We're totally on board with you, Princess Twilight!" Helga gushed. "We, uh, never liked those other princesses anyway!"
Lucky placed the cottage deed on top of the bits at Twilight's hooves. "You can have the house, and everything in it too!" he said. "Anything to help Princess Twilight!"
Twilight bowed her head to the scam artists. "Thank you all," she said politely. "Such generosity will not go unrewarded." She turned to the armored ponies behind her. "These poor citizens have no place to stay. Please, take them to our headquarters and see to it that they are taken care of."
"Yes, ma'am!" the armored ponies shouted in unison.
One of the armored ponies stepped forward and gestured for the con artists to follow them. As the scammers happily complied, the armored pony winked at Twilight. "I reckon we can find some room for these here kindhearted souls," she said. "In fact, I'm thinkin' a few of those rooms in the basement of City Hall would work just fine."
"My sentiments exactly." Twilight forced a smile and waved at the con artists as they were taken away. "Those crooks will find out once and for all that crime doesn't pay."
After a good night's sleep, Twilight and her friends headed to City Hall to deal with their captured criminals. "Now remember, everypony," Twilight said, "the goal here is to get these three to confess to their misdeeds by presenting them with all our evidence."
"And figure out how they're gonna repay their debt to society!" Applejack added. "I've got an apple cellar that needs scrubbin', and a little sister that needs apologizin' to!"
"Yeah, and I've got some ideas about how I'm gonna repay them ," Rainbow grumbled, throwing a few air punches as she spoke.
"Now Rainbow," Fluttershy said, "the most important thing is to show these poor creatures that what they're doing is not okay, and convince them to find something else to do that won't hurt anypony."
"Agreed," Twilight said. "Reform is just as important as restitution."
"Okay, fine," Rainbow Dash muttered as the ponies entered City Hall. "I won't rearrange their faces. Not this time, anyway."
Helga leaped from her bed upon seeing the ponies coming down the basement stairs. She started pointing frantically at Silver Fox. "It was all his idea!" she insisted. "I needed money, and he said we could make a fortune in Ponyville! He conned a poor, innocent griffon into a life of crime!"
"What?!" Silver Fox gave Helga a look of indignation from his cell. "That's a bunch of baloney! This whole thing was her idea, not mine! She manipulated me into going along with her evil plan!"
Silver Fox and Helga stared daggers at each other for a second, then pointed in unison at Lucky. "It's all his fault!"
"I wanna go home!" Lucky wailed from his cell.
"That's enough." Twilight held up her hoof to call for silence. "Now then, Mr..."
"Nunya!" Silver Fox replied. "Nunya Business!"
"Uh-huh." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Mr. Business, would you care to explain what you and your friends were doing in a house that was relinquished under false pretenses, while having several thousand bits in your possession?"
"Why, of course!" Silver Fox said. "We're with the Equestrian Housing Authority, and we were inspecting the tree to make sure it was structurally sound! The money was from, er, the fines we'd collected from previous inspections! That's it!"
"I see." Twilight said. "Then you wouldn't mind us contacting the EHA to confirm this information, would you?"
"Um, well..." Silver Fox started sweating as he searched for the right words. "You see, we're, uh, pretty new to the organization. Just started yesterday, actually!" He gave Twilight the most sincere-looking smile he could muster. "So we might not be fully, completely, one-hundred-percent entered into their system yet, heh heh."
"Right. Moving on..." Twilight swept a hoof back towards her friends. "Would you care to explain why thirteen different ponies here in town, including two that are standing here with us, have identified you three as the ones who took their money?"
"Gosh, that is a strange coincidence, isn't it?" Silver Fox offered. "There must be a lot of handsome criminals out there these days, huh?" He chuckled and forced another smile.
Twilight did not return Silver's Fox grin. She used her magic to draw a few scrolls out of her bag. "Would you care to explain these?" she asked, unrolling the scrolls to reveal five separate wanted posters. "Apparently these handsome criminals are also wanted in Canterlot, Manehattan, Vanhoover, Trottingham, and Appaloosa."
Silver Fox sighed and hung his head. "I suppose there's no getting around it anymore. Do you really want to know the truth?"
"It would be a nice change of pace," Twilight said.
Silver Fox motioned for Twilight to come closer. "It's a changeling conspiracy! " he whispered into her ear. "Those love munchers have been trying to ruin me for years!"
Twilight glared incredulously at Silver Fox. "Really?"
Silver Fox placed a hoof over his heart. "If I'm lying, my lightning strike m—" He paused, looked up towards the ceiling for a moment, and then pointed at Lucky "Er, strike him. "
"Oh, give it up already!" Helga threw up her talons in frustration. "They've got us dead to rights!" She dropped to her knees and grabbed the bars with her talons. "Here's the deal," she told Twilight. "I will tell you anything you want to know, anything at all, as long as you promise me one thing."
"And that would be?" Twilight asked.
Helga clasped her talons together. "Please don't send me back to Canterlot Prison!" she pleaded. "The cells are cold, the food is terrible, and it's full of ugly jerks who don't like griffons! I don't ever want to go back!"
"Me neither!" Lucky added with a sniffle. "They never let me outside without a leash!"
"Shut up, both of you!" Silver Fox demanded. "I've almost convinced Miss Sparkle that the charges are bunk! We'll be scot free by the end of the day!"
"And if you believe that, he's got a bridge to sell you," Twilight deadpanned. "Very well, Miss Griffon and Mr. Dog. I accept your terms of surrender, but you'd better tell the truth, or else. Are you the ones responsible for all of this trouble in Ponyville?"
Helga swallowed hard. "Yeah, that's us."
"And in Canterlot, and Manehattan, and all those other places?"
"That was us too."
"And by 'us,' she means her and the dog!" Silver Fox said. "I had nothing to do with it! In fact, I was acting as an undercover agent for the police, infiltrating this notorious crime family to expose them to bring them to justice!"
Helga scrunched up her face at Silver Fox's claim. "Liar. You're the brains of this outfit."
Lucky nodded in agreement. "Foxy's really smart!"
"Foxy?! " Silver Fox threw himself against the bars closest to Lucky's cell. "When I get my hooves on you, I'll—"
Twilight used her magic to pull a seething Silver Fox back to the middle of his cell. "I'd advise you to restrain yourself, Mr. Business," she said. "But just for the record, you say that you're completely innocent and had nothing to do with any of this?"
"Exactly!" Silver Fox replied.
"Then I'm afraid you leave me no choice." Twilight nodded to Rarity, who used her magic to grab a set of leg chains off of the wall and clamp them on Silver Fox. "A pair of Royal Guards are on their way to take you back to Canterlot to stand trial," Twilight informed her prisoner. "Rainbow, please escort our friend here to the train station."
"With pleasure!" Rainbow grinned and pounded her front hooves together in anticipation.
"Fluttershy," Twilight added, "please escort Rainbow to the train station, to make sure Mr. Business gets there in one piece."
"Awww..." Rainbow scowled and kicked the ground with her hoof.
"Hah!" Silver Fox laughed at his partners as the two pegasi led him away. "See you around, suckers! Give my regards to Al Capony when you see him! I'm on my way to Canterlot to fight for my rights and show the world that I am innocent, while you two brainless idiots get to rot away in this backwoods hoosegow!"
Twilight shook her head as Silver Fox disappeared up the stairs. "He never stops, does he?" She turned back to the remaining prisoners. "Now we need to figure out what to do with these two."
Helga gulped. "Well," she offered, "we barely got to spend any of the money we took. You can take it all back! That'll cover most of it, right?
"Not quite," Twilight said. "According to my calculations, the bits you gave us only cover 78.41% of the damages. You'll still need to cover the 21.59% you 'barely' spent."
"You can start by helping me clean up my apple cellar!" Applejack offered. "I've got a bunch of broken barrels and an inch-deep layer of cider to get out of there!"
"Ooh! I can do that!" Lucky said. "I'm good at cleaning! Foxy always said it was the only reason he kept me around!"
Helga, however, shuddered at the offer. "An inch of cider?" she asked. "Isn't there something less, er, sticky that we could do?"
Applejack shook her head. "All I've got for you are messy jobs," she said. "If you don't like it, that's too bad! Bein' a little messy never hurt anypony."
"Well, perhaps I have a better use for her talents," Rarity proposed. She walked up to the cell and stared down the griffon inside. "Since you've promised to be honest with us," she said, "tell me: Where did those gems on your sash come from?"
"My sash? Um, well, they don't really come from anywhere, actually," Helga admitted. "They're just normal gems I carved out and had Silver Fox stick together with his magic."
"You put different gems together?" Rarity scratched her hoof with her chin as she processed the idea. "What an interesting concept!" she finally said. "Do you think you could come back to my shop for a demonstration? These gems would be absolutely perfect for my summer line!"
"Wait—you mean, like, put my gems on a real outfit, and design a real fashion line for a real shop that will be seen all over Equestria?" Helga's eyes lit up. "Yes, please!"
"Wonderful!" Rarity turned and winked at Twilight. "It seems I'll get to be the exclusive supplier of these gems after all!"
"Great!" Twilight said. "I guess that settles the restitution piece for now, but there's one last thing we need to do. Pinkie?"
"Yes, ma'am!" Pinkie saluted Twilight, then turned to address the prisoners. "You two made a lot of ponies sad, and that was totally not cool! You need to apologize to them, and promise that you'll never, ever, ever do anything like that again!"
Lucky hung his head and nodded. "We know. We're sorry."
"Yeah, we've learned our lesson," Helga said. "No more shady moneymaking schemes."
Pinkie pressed her face against the bars. "Do you Pinkie promise that?"
Helga and Lucky exchanged confused look. "Uh, sure, yeah," Helga agreed. "We, um, we Pinkie promise, whatever that means."
"Excellent. Thank you, Pinkie," Twilight said. She used her magic to pull a set of keys off the wall and open the cell doors. "With that, I hereby declare the Case of the Conniving Con Artists to be closed!"
With that, the ponies made their way back up the basement stairs with their mostly-reformed prisoners in tow, confident that justice had finally been served.
Author's Note
Stay tuned for the sequel, in which Silver Fox comes back for revenge wearing the Alicorn Amulet.
Thanks for reading, everyone!
