We Are Stars! Floosh! Shine, Young Backwards Baseball Cap!

by Super Trampoline

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 1519

Twilight Sparkle walks outside and the world is on fire.

Thundercats terrorize the land. Ponies die. Twilight Sparkle walks outside and the world is on fire.

Published 2017-01-12 10:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-12 10:30:01 UTC

We are stardust, we are golden

Floosh! Flosh! Pish Posh Pash!

Twilight was not having a good day. Nwarm! Nwarm! The thundercats raged against the baracaded doors. "Please pony, let us in!" They begged. Begged and begged, the thunder cats begged. But Twilight was resolute. She knew the sweet siren lie of their velvet tongues was false. She knew, for she had learned the hard way, and now Rarity was dead.

Nwarm, Nwarm, Floosh! The thundercats raged on. Rage on, you tragic creatures of the sky!

Applejack, meanwhile, was angry. Rarity was dead, but more tragically, Apple Bloom was dead. Oh Apple Bloom, Apple Bloom, what sweet young filly. You would have gone so far. What tragedy! Who knew? Who truly knew what a thundercat could do? Who knew their bite would turn you white as your blood echoed away? I did not. Not I, not I! But lo, you are no more!

Oh cats, bad evil cats! Summoned by Discord, who we blame for everything. Shame, Discord, Shame! Shame be upon you, bringer of chaos.

You might be a human, reader, but you will die.

Just, alas, as poor Yorick died, so too did Rarity and Applebloom, and so to will you and I and every pony you've ever known and loved. It may be by electric thundercat electrocution, or by drowning, or by heart attack or colic, but we all die. But do those who never live ever die? A good question for imaginary horses.

Applejack readied the gattling gun. Uh oh, thundercats. Fly! Fly away. Fear the wrath! Fear the wrath of the Jack of Apples, for her anger is a vengeance filled one. You killed her sister with you thunder bite, oh cats. Why were you not bats or rats? Then perhaps you would be okay. But no, you are thundercats, and now the farming horse is mad.

Mad, mad, mad! She had a family, but now it is smaller yet again! She readies the gattling gun. She aims it out the window. She starts to turn the crank!

Bam!

Bam! Bam!

Bam Bam Bam!

BAMBAMBAMBAMBASMGVFAMGBVMAMBAABMASMBAMBMAB MABM ABMABMABM!!!
Crank go , Crank go!

Pew Pew Pew!

boom goes the gattling gun!
Dead go the cats!
dead, dead dead! Pew pew

Pew pew
pew pew

Posh pish cats cry
posh pish posh pish! Posh pish posh! They howl Howl Howl Howl in fear in terror in pain!

F l o osh and flush and flosh and flersh they wail, as the life drains from them in the rain of bullets! Oh thundercats, you only wanted to make thunder and bite ponies! Such a simple life you could lived. But now you can't, for in a matter of seconds, how many of you are mowed down like grass? How quickly you feel the lifeblood disappear. Oh cats, should we feel your pain? Is your pain less than that of Applejack? Of Sweetie Belle? Are you just cats, doomed to anonymous deaths by your sick creator Discord? Oh poor poor cats, you did not want this.

Oh Equestria, you wanted not this either. You did not want the the Windigoes. You did not want the sound gardens. And certainly, you did not want the thundercats. But lo, they are yours now. Will you survive?

Bloom Blosh Plish Flersh! The cats are all dead now. All the cats. All the cats are dead, for Applejack has killed them. The menace is over.

Oh no, so many dead cats litter the streets of Ponyville. Get it, Cat litter! Ha! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Have we no choice but to laugh at the absurdity of it all, when we are the ones still alive in this land of cats and now ponies? What cruelity, that we must laugh in this absurd world.

But Twilight laughs, for Discord's creations are dead, and she no longer must eat old ramen and book dust. She laughs for her dragon, who hid in the closet the entire time. She laughs in joy that patrons will check out books again, no longer menaced by the thundercats. She laughs a lot, the most she has in years, for Ponyville is free, is saved!

Twilight Steps outside, and the world is on fire.

Oh cats, whose bodies do combust, how many of you light the sky!

Who needs Luna?

Who needs Celestia?

All we need is Discord's cruel creations, the cats of thunder, that explode in orgasmic brilliance when they die. What a show, what a show! Let us live like they died, full of life, helping each other, and being friends. For you never know when your time will come. Rarity's came yesterday, the poor thing. But today a thundercat corpse falls on Cherry Berry and explodes. Oh Berry of Cherries, who will pilot your balloon now? Who, Who? Why were you too felled? Is there no method to this madness, no meaning to this arbitration of who lives and who dies? Oh Ponyville, wrestle! Wrestle with these questions, for someday if not the cats, then it shall be something else that terrorizes your peaceful town. You must be ready then for reckoning, though you be not ready now.

Twilight walks outside, and the sky is on fire, awash in the flame of exploding thundercats.

One lands at her feet. Floosh! Even in death, it flooshes. She sighs, and walks back inside, for it may be a few hours before her adopted hometown is safe again. How strange to think, even now, that she is a Canterlot girl through and through. She gets back inside and decides to wait half an hour before going out again. Half an hour passes.

Twilight walks outside, and the sky is on fire, awash in the flame of exploding thundercats.

One lands at her feet. Floosh! Even in death, it flooshes. She sighs, and walks back inside, for it may be a few hours before her adopted hometown is safe again. How strange to think, even now, that she is a Canterlot girl through and through. She gets back inside and decides to wait half an hour before going out again. Half an hour passes.

Twilight walks outside, and the sky is on fire, awash in the flame of exploding thundercats.

One lands at her feet. Floosh! Even in death, it flooshes. She sighs, and walks back inside, for it may be a few hours before her adopted hometown is safe again. How strange to think, even now, that she is a Canterlot girl through and through. She gets back inside and decides to wait half an hour before going out again. Half an hour passes.

Twilight walks outside, and the sky is on fire, awash in the flame of exploding thundercats.

One lands at her feet. Floosh! Even in death, it flooshes. She sighs, and walks back inside, for it may be a few hours before her adopted hometown is safe again. How strange to think, even now, that she is a Canterlot girl through and through. She gets back inside and decides to wait half an hour before going out again. Half an hour passes.

Twilight walks outside, and the sky is on fire, awash in the flame of exploding thundercats.

One lands at her feet. Floosh! Even in death, it flooshes. She sighs, and walks back inside, for it may be a few hours before her adopted hometown is safe again. How strange to think, even now, that she is a Canterlot girl through and through. She gets back inside and decides to wait half an hour before going out again. Half an hour passes.

Twilight walks outside, and the sky is on fire, awash in the flame of exploding thundercats.

One lands at her feet. Floosh! Even in death, it flooshes. She sighs, and walks back inside, for it may be a few hours before her adopted hometown is safe again. How strange to think, even now, that she is a Canterlot girl through and through. She gets back inside and decides to wait half an hour before going out again. Half an hour passes.

Twilight walks outside, and the sky is on fire, awash in the flame of exploding thundercats.

One lands at her feet. Floosh! Even in death, it flooshes. She sighs, and walks back inside, for it may be a few hours before her adopted hometown is safe again. How strange to think, even now, that she is a Canterlot girl through and through. She gets back inside and decides to wait half an hour before going out again. Half an hour passes.

Author's Note