Pinkie Discovers Eggos

by TheStoveHater

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Anon, Comedy, Horror, Random, Pinkie Pie
Length: 2440

Pinkie Pie discovers Humanity's worse, but most well known secret... Frozen Waffles!

Anonymous finds out that waffles should NEVER be made without love, happiness, and loved ones in mind. Or Else.
A tiny bit scary for the fun of it, but ultimately amusing. (Hopefully) Rated Teen for a tiny bit of language.

Published 2017-01-27 15:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-27 15:30:01 UTC

One-Shot

Celestia's sun peaks through the curtains of your bedroom... And you promptly roll over and wave a hand, middle finger extended of course, in its general direction. You are 90% certain Celestia can see you flicking her sun off, and has decided to return the gesture, as the sun only gets brighter and brighter before your room is fully lit by the suns rays. But it could also be that your rooms window just happens to face the direction the sun rises everyday... Nah probably not, with a grunt you sit up and frown at the offending light, and slowly raise both your hands in a two finger salute before climbing out of bed, like a zombie you pull a pair of grey sweat pants on and a large black, warm, and incredibly soft house coat on, securing the front closed with a hand, your brain not yet awake enough to do something so complex as tie a knot, you yawn and head downstairs.

Frowning you glance outside, you can already see off in the distance brightly colored ponies going about their business, and once again thank whatever god decided to fuck with you by transporting you and your house to this world, that they at least had the decency to place your house outside of Ponyville. With a shudder you remember waking up one day to having a barely controllable urge to get up, run out to the town, and start singing... With a shake you banish such horrific thoughts from your mind and get to work on breakfast, first, start the coffee, then open the freezer and have your first smile of the day. The best thing about having your entire house transported here was certainly the food that got transported with you. Specifically all of the food that you had stockpiled inside the two large freezers in the basement. Reaching in you grab two waffle disks, mumbling as you slowly move to the toaster.

"Thank God for Eggos..." Now that you think about it, you haven't actually been eating any of your stockpiled food since you've gotten here a little over a month and a half ago, for the most part you've been too busy to eat breakfast, and this is one of the first times in that time that time you weren't rushing off to have breakfast with Porchlight Spackle and Co, or being kidnapped by Swiss Cheese Ponies. Frowning you push the lever down on your toaster before slowly making your way to the coffee pot and sighing, watching as the pot slowly fills with the heavenly liquid you'll never actually get to taste...

"HEYNONNYCANIHA-"

And there she is... One hand already wrapped around her muzzle and one hand still holding your house robe closed, you slowly turn to look at the practically vibrating pink mare standing on your counter top. This crazed horse was the first Person, er, Pony, you met in this new world, you hadn't even realized your new place of residence until she appeared, and after screaming like a little girl yelling a manly war cry, grabbing your shotgun, and unloading the thing in her general direction... Only for it to shoot confetti... Meanwhile the Pink horse was excitedly screaming about how great it is too meet a new pony but not really a pony because he looks nothing like a pony but he's still a new pony to throw a party for an- AHEM. Sorry.

After hiding in tactically retreating to your closet and hugging your knees, slowly rocking back and forth, trying to come to grips with not only a pony that is bright pink, has cotton candy for hair, and can talk, but your most trustworthy shotgun, the one your father passed down to you, had failed you in your time of need... You finally worked up the courage to peak downstairs, only to find the same pony covering your living room in what appeared to be streamers, as well as setting up a table, where she magically had food already made, and even a little present, which, spoilers, happened to be a "Pet Rock"... Yes you kept it.

Being the gracious host you were, you quietly offered her a drink, while shakily holding the door between her and you, she happily accepted and followed you into your kitchen, thankfully at a distance. You poured yourself and her a cup of coffee, and after that everything went pink and on fire.

Shuddering you shake your head to dispel the jumbled and confusing memories. "Good Morning Pinkie... And no, you may not have any coffee..."

You turn off the coffee maker and empty out what little has gathered in the pot, but to do that you have to let go of Pinkie's muzzle, and so while your emptying the life giving liquid down the drain, your ears are assaulted by the words that Pinkie had been holding in.

"AVESOMEAWHC'MONNONNYITWASJUSTONCETRUSTMEICANHANDLEITPLEEEAAAAAASEEEEaawh..." at the last part her mane deflates partially and you roll your eyes, in an instance she is back to happily bouncing in place while you give her the speech you've given her for the last month and a half.

"Pinkie, you know I can't give you coffee, you almost destroyed my house the first, and the last, time I gave you a cup, and I won't be having it again."

Pinkie looks up at you with puppy dog eyes, as she does every morning, and her lower lip starts to tremble "B-Buh N-nonnnnyy..."

Again you roll your eyes and open your mouth, but before you can respond the toaster clicks and up shoots two hot waffle disks. In an instance Pinkie's fake pout disappears and she runs across the counter to the toaster like an excited puppy, her eyes wide as she smells the waffles.

"Oooh Nonny what're these!? It acts like toast! But it smells like waffles!" Her eyes are glued to the disks and her mouth drools a little, her mind filling with the scent and taste of waffles long digested.

Chuckling softly you walk over to the toaster and, using a fork, you spear the edge of the waffles before placing them on your plate, while responding to Pinkie "Mhm, its called an Eggo waffle, they're waffles that you can throw into a toaster if you're in a hurry in the morning... or just lazy" Plopping into a chair you pour yourself a glass of apple juice, no orange juice in this world strangely, you asked, but AppleJack mumbled something you didn't catch before running off.

With a gasp and a hop onto a chair next you, Pinkie stares at them, exclaiming "You can cook the waffles when you have time, then freeze them and eat them later! Nonny you're so smart!"

Chuckling again you shake your head "Actually its even easier than that, back home you can just buy these from the store"

Tilting her head she looks up at you, her smile dimming a little "Oh! So they make them and then you bring them home and freeze them??"

Shaking your head again you try to explain "Well no not exactly... these waffles are made by large machines in a factory, then frozen, boxed up, then sent off to a store, then I go to the store and buy them" As you talk you pour syrup over the still hot waffles before cutting them into pieces, not noticing Pinkie's smile disappearing the more you talk. By the time you finish and look back to her, her hair is completely flat and she no longer has a smile, blinking you can only stare for a moment before opening your mouth "Uh... Pinkie...? You OK there...?" There's only silence for a moment, her eyes seemingly staring into your very soul...

Finally, she speaks, "S-so... they aren't made with Love and Happiness...? They're made in... Some... some cold, dark factory...?" Your eyebrow raises as she talks, she sounds... Cold, nothing like the usual bubbly mare you're used to...

"Uh... yeah? I guess that's one way to look at it..."

She slowly nods, then climbs off the chair, slowly making her way towards the door, seemingly lost in thought, right before she gets to the door she stops and looks back, something in her eyes has changed... "Anonymous... I need to go... I will see you later though, OK?" And just like that she walks out, blinking a few times you stare at the closed door.

"Uh... Ok... bye... that's the first time I've ever seen her use a door..." Shrugging, you go back to your delicious waffles.

After a long day of doing slightly more than absolutely nothing, but slightly less than jack shit, you stretch and groan softly, reaching above your fridge you grab the large pill bottle that holds your daily dose of protein you need, opening it you take it and wash it down with some delicious tap water before plopping down into your couch. Yawning and stretching again, covering you mouth you mutter "Hmm I didn't do anything today... why... Do I feel... so..." Another yawn interrupts you and you frown, blinking a few times, you suddenly feel exhausted... "W-what... was in.." you manage to get out before you fall unconscious, the last thing you see is a flash of pink before everything goes black...

Slowly, groggily, you wake up, but instead of the usual harsh sunlight that greets you every morning, you're confronted by a dim light, slowly swinging from side to side. Blinking a few times, your eyes finally adjust and you find yourself in an incredibly dark room, the only thing you can see is the light hanging from the ceiling, a table, and the chair you're tied to... Wait what? Glancing down again you see you are in fact tied to a chair, frowning you try to pull against the ropes, but who ever tied these know how to tie a... a bow? Why are you tied to the chair with pink ribbons? Huffing you shake your head and glance around again, squinting into the darkness.

"H-hello?! Is anyone there??"

After a moment light flickers and dies, you blink and squint into the darkness, the room is silent and still as the grave... A cold shudder racks your body suddenly and you look around wildly, your eyes still haven't adjusted, but you could have sworn you saw something move in the darkness... Gulping silently you whisper "Hello...? A-anybody...?"

Again, nothing but silence, but this time you feel a cold wind blow across your neck and you jerk forward in the seat, squirming and looking around wildly again, only to freeze when you hear a soft noise coming from behind you... It sounds... It sounds familiar somehow, you turn your head in vain to see behind you, but still only find darkness. The sound continues, a rhythmic, slow, scraping, grinding sound... Like metal on stone... The hairs on the back of your neck, which were already sticking up, are now trying desperately to abandon ship, as you had finally recognized the sound... It is the sound of someone, or somepony, sharpening a knife...

Suddenly the light flickers on again, even dimmer than before, but you still turn your head and squint into the darkness, desperately tugging on your binds, the chair doesn't budge, seemingly bolted to the ground, still the soft rasping of a knife echoes around the dark room, now it seems to come from everywhere at once instead of just directly behind you... Your eyes move around the room frantically, trying to find where the sound is coming from, when it suddenly stops... The silence is deafening, your heart pounding in your chest and your breathing sounds like a jet engine... Letting out a soft whimper you slump in the chair, your body shaking and shivering "P-please... T-tell me what you want or k-kill me... I-i can't take it anymore..."

The light flickers once and none other than Pinkamena Diane Pie, her hair flat and lifeless, is suddenly sitting in a chair across the table from you, your eyes widen and you jerk back as far as the ribbons will allow. Your heart once again kicking into overdrive.

"P-Pinkie!? What's going on?? If this about the one time I got drunk and a-accidentally told AppleJack I k-kissed Big Mac it doesn't count! She didn't remember so I-I didn't technically break the Promise!!" She stares at you for a moment before dropping a box onto the table. Blinking you look down at it and can only stare for a moment or two before asking "W-why do you have my W-waff-" before you can finish Pinkie cuts you off, her tone soft, but she may as well have been Princess Celestia herself with the amount of strength behind it.

"Anonymous... we can do this the hard way... or the easy way... Either way... You will tell me exactly where the rest of these... things... are, and you can go home... or..." Her hoof slides out from underneath the table, a massive 10 inch knife held in her pink hoof, she presses it against the top of the box, and, staring into your eyes, she effortlessly pushes the knife all the way into the box, and through the table. You know because you can feel the knife slice though your pant leg, making you whimper again.

"J-jesus Pinkie! I-it's just a waffle!" She stomps both hooves this time onto the table and presses her face against yours, a mad glint in her eye.

"These THINGS aren't waffles! They're sick imitations that are made without the love and care put into them that makes a waffle a waffle!"

You swallow nervously before nodding quickly "J-jesus ok! I-iv'e got one more b-box in my basement freezer! That's it I swear!" Pinkie frowns and stares you hard in the eye, staring deep into your soul, after a moment she speaks "Pinkie Promise...?"

You manage to squeak out a yes and she grins, her hair poofing back up with the sound of what can only be described as a Party Popper "Okie Dokie Lokie!"

Suddenly your binds fall off and you can only stare open mouthed at the Pink demon that is now holding out a tray of cupcakes, at one point the light had flickered again, but this time to full power, and you realized you hadn't actually left your house... But, at the moment you don't realize that as you just stare at Pinkie, the events of the last hour or so running through your head before she snaps you out of your bewilderment "Soooo... What's this about kissing Big Mac?"