Breaking Down

by Shimmer Shy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Slice of Life, Sad, Dark
Length: 2404

Sunset's had enough. After enduring weeks full of nightmares, hallucinations, and sleepless nights, she just wants it all to stop. In desperate need for a solution, she does the first thing that would make sense...but was it the right thing to do?

Sunset's had enough. After enduring weeks full of nightmares, hallucinations, and sleepless nights, she just wants it all to stop. In desperate need for a solution, she does the first thing that would make sense...but was it the right thing to do?

An idea I had while writing my other story, Fall Apart. Hope you like it?

On hiatus because I may or may not continue. :derpytongue2:

Published 2017-01-31 02:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-31 02:30:01 UTC

Regret

Sunset Shimmer found herself sitting at one of the many tables in the school library for supposedly the fifth time that week. It had proved to be a good place to go when things got stressful or she needed some quiet time to herself, which was exactly what she needed at that very moment.

Morning sunlight streamed through a tall window to her right, warming her face with its golden glow. Thankfully, the library was air conditioned, unlike the rest of the rooms in the building. The last thing she needed right then was to sit through a lesson in a hot, stuffy classroom. She was exhasted, as was clearly expressed by the dazed look in her eye. It was obvious that she hadn't gotten much sleep the night before.

The silence was relaxing, though, like a breath of fresh air. After tossing and turning and simply staring up at the ceiling all night, she was relieved to finally have a moment to clear out the terrible thoughts and focus on other more important things back in her small corner of the library.

But it would only last so long, she knew, before the mental walls she'd built would come crashing down and the memories would once again flood her mind.

Sunset struggled to keep herself awake, propping her head, which felt as heavy as a rock by that point, on her hand. The library wasn't helping like it usually would. The voices in her own head left no room for quiet, and she could feel her face burning with ever-growing frestration despite the cool air.

She hated how good could turn to bad so quickly. One minute you're having a blast at a camp with your friends, the next you're startling awake every night from a reoccurring nightmare. But that was just life, wasn't it? A rollercoaster of ups and downs and loopty loops. What goes up must come down, right? Sure, Sunset had had many good things happen to her in the past few years, but she'd also been though some not-so-good things. The Fall Formal was absolutely one of the latter.

A book sat at the other end of the table, and she reached over to grab it, in need of something other than her thoughts to accompany her. The title read "Divergent" and she decided to flip through some of the pages. The words all blurred together, though. It was hard to focus.

Disappointed, she slid it back to where it was before, deciding to roll a pencil back and forth on the table instead.

It wasn't just nightmares anymore. It hadn't been for a while. Sometimes a memory would flash before her eyes, and sometimes she'd see things that weren't really there―a dark shadow hiding down an empty hallway, a pair of red eyes glaring at her from outside the window...

Sometimes she'd even see herself.

It was enough to drive anyone out of their mind, even the most sensible of people. Sunset knew none of it was real―it couldn't be―but that didn't mean she didn't question herself occasionally. Nothing made sense anymore, and that's what frustrated her the most. Everything had been going perfectly; what went wrong?

Sunset's hands clenched into fists. It was too much for her to handle on her own, and to be honest, she hadn't told her friends yet. She wanted to, but at the same time, she didn't want to get them all worked up over nothing. They already seemed to have enough to deal with, what with their new powers and all. Besides, she could find a solution to her problems by herself...somehow.

A soft sigh escaped her lips as her eyes drifted down to the leather book in her backpack, reminding her of the third reason.

She lifted the last connection to Equesria she had and flipped to a page someplace in the back. The conversation ended in the middle of the page, the one word she'd written last week staring back at her.

Help?

Princess Twilight still had yet to reply, which both worried and irritated Sunset. Twilight was always there when she needed her; why wasn't she answering?

A sudden sharp pain in her head cut off her thoughts. Her hand darted to her forehead in an attempt to soothe it away, eyes tightly shut in an instant. It was probably the worst of her headaches so far, the pain so piercing that she worried she might pass out. Eventually, her ears began to ring and everything went white.

Sunset opened her eyes, the headache and ringing gone as quickly as they had started. It took a moment for her to register where she was, but as soon as she did, she wished she'd just kept her eyes closed.

It was really more of a matter of when she was, but either way, she'd been here a million times before, reliving it over and over again.

The night of the Fall Formal. Even just thinking about it shook her, but honestly, she didn't know why she couldn't just let it go; the whole school had forgiven her and she had gained seven amazing friends, the Twilight from Equestria included―there was no reason for her to continue beating herself up for it, yet here she was once again.

Maybe the problem was that she hadn't quite forgiven herself for her past actions. Maybe she knew deep down that the evil part of her had never really gone, that at any moment it could once again take hold of her.

She didn't want that to happen. What she wanted to do was run, to be far away from all of this, but she couldn't. Oddly enough, she found she couldn't move at all. She could tell there was something heavy in her left hand, but she had no idea what...until it dawned on her.

No. No, no, no, no, NO! Not again!

A whirlwind of emotions raged on inside of her as she began to understand the situation she was in. Sunset was terrified, but the feeling of anticipated excitement that she remembered feeling at the Fall Formal drowned it out. Her plan was going exactly as she had hoped. As long as those two loons didn't mess it up again, she'd have everything she'd ever wanted soon enough.

Get out of my head! Sunset wanted to scream but, of course, couldn't. If this was another nightmare, she wanted to wake up right now. The only problem was that she didn't know how.

She heard approaching footsteps and nonvoluntarily stepped out from behind the statue, bringing the sledgehammer up above her head. "That's close enough!"

"Twilight!" Spike whimpered from behind her, struggling in Snips and Snails's grasp.

"Don't hurt him!"

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it." The smirk on Sunset's face grew larger. "I'm not a monster, Twilight. Let him go." Snips and Snails shared a hesitant look before doing as they were told. As soon as he was free, Spike ran into Twilight's outstretched arms and Sunset continued, "You don't belong here. Give me the crown and you can go back to Equestria tonight. Or keep it and never go home!"

Twilight gasped, disgusting the real Sunset with how gleeful it had made her and causing her to grow even more frustrated that she wasn't in control of her actions. She knew she couldn't change her actual past, but it would've helped to at least have the ability to do something other than just watch it happen. It made her feel powerless.

"...So, what's your answer?"

Twilight only hesitated a moment before replying. "No."

"What?!" Past-Sunset fumed, but the real Sunset wanted to laugh in her face. She hadn't seen that coming. "Equestria, your friends, lost to you forever. Don't you see what I'm about to do to the portal?"

Twilight stood, raising her voice. "Yes, but I've also seen what you've been able to do here without magic. Equestria will find a way to survive without my Element of Harmony, but this place might not if I allow it to fall into your hands. So go ahead. Destroy the portal. You are not getting this crown."

Not a hint of an emotion could be seen on Sunset's face, but she was beyond frustrated all the same. It looked like persuasion wasn't going to work. "Fine. You win," she said nonchalantly. The sledgehammer fell to the ground with a thud.

Twilight looked both surprised and relieved as her friends came up to congratulate her one by one, but with every comment Sunset only became more agitated. Don't rejoice yet, Twi, she thought to herself, aware of what was to happen next.

Sure enough, her patience had run out by the time Rarity spoke. "Oh, yes, she's so very special!" With that, she made a beeline for the princess, both of them toppling to the ground and the crown flying out of Twilight's hands. If she could, Sunset would have face palmed.

The scuffle continued for another few minutes, Sunset's anger and impatience mounting just as it had in the past. As it neared the end, she could only hope she'd wake up before the crown ended up in her possession. Come on, she thought. Wake up. Wake up!

But it was no use. Before she knew it, the Element of Harmony was in her hands and all she could do was brace herself.

"Finally," she said, compelled by the magic contained in the object she held, "more power than I could ever imagine."

When the crown was set atop her head, a teal-colored magic engulfed her and it was too late for anyone or anything to stop the inevitable.

As the column of light lifted her into the air, the pain became unbearable. It felt as though her skin was on fire, and even when she knew it wasn't real, it felt real. It felt more than real.

Her head throbbed and all she could focus on was the magic that pulsated through her. Tears cascaded down her cheeks, evaporating before they got very far. She didn't want to become the monster she once was; she didn't want to hurt anyone else. It repeated over and over again in her mind as she tried to hold onto the last pieces of who she was before they faded away, but even then she knew it was hopeless.

Eventually, she had no other choice but to give in, and everything went white.

With wide eyes, Sunset gasped for air as she was dragged back into reality, looking much like a deer in headlights. It was all gone. The magic, the memory―everything, and she was back to her normal self. She didn't know how long the vision/hallucination/daydream thing had lasted, but it had felt like an eternity. A few kids stared at her, some with concern and others with bewilderment, but it was enough to make Sunset feel uneasy.

Grabbing her book and backpack, she sprinted out of the library, wiping furiously at the newly-formed tears rolling down her face. She knew it was against the school rules to run in the hallways, but that didn't stop her.

Finally, she reached the front doors and burst through them, momentarily leaning against the frame to catch her breath and setting her belongings on the ground. The scorching early-summer heat was beyond uncomfortable and Sunset's leather jacket was anything but helpful, yet she had no intention of taking it off as it provided her with some reassurance. She didn't know what had happened back there, nor did she want to.

Each breath she took was shaky. She wished her heartbeat would slow down so she could think clearer, but it didn't. Parts of the memory still lingered in her mind, and she didn't think they were going away anytime soon.

I'm not a monster, Twilight.

Her hands went up to rub her trembling arms and she squeezed her eyes shut. It's over, she told herself, but she wasn't convinced. Everything would just return once again as soon as she closed her eyes that night and every night afterwards. Unless she simply decided not to sleep altogether, though that would almost be worse than the alternative.

Once Sunset had calmed herself down, she reached down to pick her book up. She didn't even need to check to see if Twilight had replied―if she had, the book would've told her by now.

She sighed. Even if Twilight did end up reading her message, what could she do to help? There had to be some sort of solution that she could find on her own, and she was prepared to do just about anything for it at that point.

She glanced at portal and decided to go over to it. When she brushed its surface it rippled under her touch, verifying her suspicions and causing another thought to cross her mind.

Maybe the portal was her solution. If this had anything to do with magic, then cutting off this world's connection to Equestria would fix it. And all she had to do to make that happen was send her book through, which would resume the portal's schedule of opening once every thirty moons.

But would she have the heart to do it? She stared down at the object in question. What if she was wrong and doing so would only make things worse? It would mean no connection to Equestria or Twilight for another two and a half years.

Then again, it was her best bet...

Making up her mind, she scribbled one last note into the book and took a deep breath. Without another moment's hesitation, she slipped it past the gateway that split the two worlds.

And then it was gone. She touched the statue again―nothing but cold, hard stone.

Her eyes widened in realization of the decision she had just made, barely able to even mutter the words.

"What have I done?"

Author's Note

I'm considering continuing this story...should I?

Thanks SO MUCH for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy: I actually worked really hard writing this and tried to put strong emotions into it; it took forever to get it just right. :heart: I've been on and off writing this when I have free time at school, so, yeah. :derpytongue2: Anyway, thanks again! :heart:

~~I'm obsessed with semi-colons...~~:rainbowlaugh:

Constructive criticism is appreciated! :twilightsmile:

BestAuthor'sNote :rainbowlaugh: