A Human Stumbles Into Equestriaby KetamineKarlChaptersChapter 1: The beginning of an adventure of epic proportions.Chapter 2: oh I guess this is totally normal.Chapter 3: Bad decisions.Chapter 4: meeting the student.Chapter 1: The beginning of an adventure of epic proportions.First person POV Pain. All I felt was pain at the moment. Pain so excruciating that my lungs felt like they were being pierced by a hundred sharp needles. My sides ached and my legs were sore. The rest of my body didn't fair much better. I had a headache that just didn't seem to fade, and it just kept getting worse with every passing second. I was completely uncomfortable in the position I was in. My back was up against something hard and bumpy. My brain seemed to be in complete disarray of its surroundings. As for the life of me I couldn't remember where I was at the moment. My breath had the lingering taste of alcohol. "that would explain a lot" I winched. Even thinking hurt right now. Even though my body ached, and my brain practically felt like it was pulling in on its self. I needed to get up an assess the current situation I was in. I clearly wasn't in my home, or even a bar. Which means I could be in an alley. Or passed out in one of my friends places. But this didn't feel like any of those. So where could I be? I groaned as I attempted to open my heavy eyes. Only to be assaulted by a bright light in the sky known as the moon, and it's stars. "okay, so I'm outside then...I do not remeber the moon being so dam bright" But where? Where could i possible be? I slowly let my eyes to adjust to the bright light. Only to focus on my surroundings. I was sourrounded by trees... ..Fucking trees. "How in the hell?" Agh. My voice sounded so strained at the moment. My brain could not handle every thing that was being thrown at it. First I wake up drunk. In pain. And now I find out I'm in a fucking forest? How does that even happen! I was NO where near any trees when I was out drinking. Well actually I don't remember why I was out drinking. ..or where. Fuck. Mabye I just got drunk at a friends place, left in my car and forgot where I was going? "No, even drunk i would know where to drive, to get home" Plus not to mention, my car was NO where in sight. So that threw that logic out the window. But that's the thing. I had no logical explanation for why i was in the middle of a forest, which I didn't even recognize. "I couldn't have walked here either. That would have been impossible without getting my shoes dirty" I was looking at my shoes as i thought this. Not even a speck of dirt. Goddam my headache was evolving into a migraine with all this nonsense. So before I fired my brain in trying to figure it all out, I simply tried to complete an objective. That objective was to be able to get on my feet, and possibly manage to actually move away from the tree i was sitting against. Which, now that I looked at it, looked awfully crooked in a creepy, unnatural way. I shiverd at the now uneassy feeling that i got from the Forrest. Mabye it was because i was alone. At night... in a forest.... ..Not helping. Thanks brain. Third person POV So forgetting the strange feeling Nate got from the forest, he turned his attention to getting up from the tree he leaned against. So putting one leg in front of the other, and putting some weight on the tree to help with balance. He managed to get standing. "That took way to much time and effort" Nate huffed as he held his hand against the tree. He took a few minutes to clear his head. "Now, let's see if I can find out where I am.." Nate started, only to jump slightly at the sound of a tree branch snapping, and a rustle of the bushes near by. "Okay let's get away from here, the last thing I need right now, is to be mauled to death by some grizzly bear" and with that Nate slowly, began walking away from the bushes and near a small dirt path that seemed to stretch forever. "Dammit I don't have time for this I need to find out where I could go for some help" But then a thought hit him. "WAIT, about my phone?!? Nate thought, as he padded his pant pockets for his phone. Only to be disappointed to find it gone. "Shit, did some one steal it?" Nate groaned. "Dammit, now what?" "Mabye I could just walk across this path, and find my way to a town or something." Nate reasoned with himself. "Perhaps even a ride home" but even then. "It can't be THAT long, could it?" Nate thought positively. 2 hours later. "Oh. My. Christ." Nate spoke between tired breaths, and groaned in discomfort. "Why did this have to happen to me?" Nate spoke, as if questioning some one that wasn't there. "it's been over an hour, and still nothing!" Nate was frustrated. Possibly more frustrated then he ever has before. Even though his hangover had long since passed, and his headache dulled. He still felt terrible. "I don't even know if I'm going the right way!" "why didn't I just stay home? Then mabye I wouldn't be in this godforsaken, fucking forest." Nate spoke, a little loud. Nate practically shit himself when he heard a growl. *GROWL* Nate didn't move. Nate didn't blink. Nate didn't breath. "Please god, tell me that was my stomach" Nate thought weakly to himself. He was sweating bullets as he slowly turned around to see some thing he wished he didn't. Eyes of a predator stalking its pray. It was wolf. That alone wasn't that scary. But that's not what he was afraid about. For you see it was not you're normal type of wolf. The wolfs eyes were glowing, and it's body was made of a thick, strong wood. "O-oh, Fu-fuck" Nate whispered. Nate heard more growls. And saw more of the glowing eyes appear from nearby bushes. Nate was not afraid to idmit that he screamed like a little girl. The wolfs charged at him. ..and so he ran. He ran so fast, Usain Bolt would be proud. He ran over downed trees and through bushes in an attempt to shake his chasers. His face was scratched from the sharp twigs hitting his face, but he was to high on adrenaline to even notice. His headache came back full force and he starting to feel his aching body act up again. He huffed as he started to lose his breath. But as soon as he turned his head to look back, he found himself running faster. They were gaining on him. And fast. His heart rate was starting to become the only thing he could hear. That's when he tripped. He yelped as he fell to the ground. His body ached but he couldn't stop. But they already caught him. He looked around to see if he could find any thing to defend himself with. He saw a few rocks. But they weren't large enough to do any damage. He looked around desperately for something. Anything. That's when he spotted a large stick that was broken in half. It looked sharp enough. .. he hoped. So he picked up the branch as he turned around as three of the wolf things surrounded him. Nate was huffing. He was tired. But he could not let that get to him, or he would die. One of the wolfs growled at him, and looked as if it was about to pounce. Nate held the branche tightly in his hands. The wolf made its move. It was so fast Nate barely had enough time to react. It jumped at him, so Nate instinctively brought the stick uppwards. It impaled to wolf as it howled in pain. But Nate did not brace inself, and the wolf ended up landing on top of him. It was dead. Nate groaned as he heaved the odd wolf of his form. And tried to retrieve the branch from its impaled underside, only to have the second wolf tryed to jump on his side. However Nate was ready this time and ended up catching and throwing the wolf at the third. He retrieved the stick as they recovered. Just then the third wolf recovered and tried to do a different tactic. And ended up dodging Nates swing at its head. It then managed to push Nate to the ground. The wolf tried to make for Nates throat, but bit down on the bark. Snapping the middle of the stick into a smaller part. And bitting into Nates Arm. Nate yelled as his skin was torn into. In a blind pannic, Nate grabbed the smaller piece of bark with his good hand and stabbed through the wolfs neck. Killing it as well. Nate unhinged the wolfs jaw from his arm. Winching from the pain. "Dammit" Just then Nate looked at the third wolf to see it limp away. Nate was taking rapid breaths while holding is injured arm. Only to start laughing. "Ha, I got you bastards good didn't I?" He yelled. Only to suddenly feel sick. Nate fell to the ground, feeling queasy from the blood lost. "Oh shit" he gasped. Nate started to feel his body catching up with him. The adrenaline long since wore off. So now he felt every thing, from the bite. To his bruises. His breathing started to get slower and more laboured. As his eyes started to get heavy. "Well that just went down south real fast." Just then he heard voices. Female voices. "yer sure yah heard somethin Twilight?" "I am one hundred percent sure Applejack. I heard it coming from over hear." "I heard the noise as well dear." "Yeah it sounded like it was in pain, like a lot of pain." "maybe we should help it?" The voices stared to get close as he heard a female gasp "Oh my Celestia, what happened here? "Look girls! That stallion looks like he's hurt!" "He looks awful..." "Girls we need to bring him to a hospital! Help me move him" "oh thank god Nate thought as he finally slipped into unconsciousness. He didn't have the brain power to even think about the weird names... Or the strange feeling of being lifted off the ground. Chapter 2: oh I guess this is totally normal.Third person POV "What do you think happened to him?" "The Elements said they found him in a forest covered in injuries, mostly from two timber wolfs..." "How did they know that two timber wolfs did this?" "Two of them were found dead, close to where they found him." "He killed them?" "It would seem that way, most of the injuries were scratches, signs of a fight as well. But we're not here to talk about that." "You said mostly" "Some of the wounds weren't all that recent. In fact, some of them looked to have happened before the attack." "How could you tell?" "On some of the smaller cuts, there has already been noticeable swelling. As well a scabs forming around the area of damage." "And how bad was the damage, Doctor?" "He's not in the greatest shape. But not the worst either. He had multiple lacerations around the chest and pectoral region, as well as a deep bite wound on the forearm. Which thankfully didn't manage to damage any vital veins in the arm. As well as a slight fever, it was rather cold last night. But it was nothing the medical team couldn't fix." "What were the elements doing out in that forest? If it's in my place to ask." "The princess wanted them to go. There was a very large, VERY large magical surge in the forest. The princess wanted to make sure that it wasn't any remnants of the Nightmare Moon." "How did you know this?" "When I asked why they were in such a dangerous area, the Element of Honesty told me the reason. "Oh that's just not fair, you know she's a terrible liar. Why would you even press her for information like that?" "I didn't press her. She was just the first one to give me one." "I thought Twilight was the magic wiz?" "Nurse. Twilight told Applejack to tell me why they were out there." "O-oh, sorry." "It's quite alright. Now, any more questions you might have?" The doctor asked, only to see the nurse staring at the patient. "I never really got a good look at him. He is an odd looking one, isn't he?" "That's a rather... odd thing to mention nurse." "Sorry, it's just i have never seen anypony like him." "Purhapse you could ask him about the way he looks then." "No! I don't mean to sound rude. He just looks... different." "It's alright nurse. Just be carful of what you say next time. You could've offended the poor lad if he had been awake." "Sorry" "It's alright. Now help me prep him. Princess Celestia will be coming by to ask him questions about why he's here." "She will?" "Yes. She wants to know more about the lad. He is a rather strange one." "Oh, who's the offensive one now?" "I mean why would've he been in the Everfree forest? Everypony knows that it's a dangerous place. And there is nothing out there, but wild animals trying to claw your eyes out. Even the princesses don't like to go near the forest." "With good reason. Mabye... he got lost?" "I've never seen him before. So it's a likely chance." "So what do we do with him, now?" "We will simply wait untill the princess comes by, and show her to the patient" First person POV two hours later Ow. Just. Ow. My muscles were strained and sore. And my body felt like total garbage. But I was alive. And that was saying something. But I still was to tired to move, and to tired to even care. Right now I was the most comfortable I have been since last night. The soft bed that I slept on felt perfect right now. To bad for the annoying beeping. And I was having such good dreams to. I was about to groan when I heard voices. "And what do you know of him?" The first voice sounded female. Rather easy on the ears as well. Sounded almost like a mother talking to her child. "Not much. Only his injures and body image. Which by the way, gave the doctors, me included, quite the scare. We thought the poor lad was a lot worse than he actually was... enough about that. He hasn't woken up yet so we don't know his name. Or his reason for being out there. But what we can say is that he is healthy, and alive." "You can't exactly be healthy without being alive, can you doctor?" "She got you there, doc." "S-sorry princess, wrong choice of words." "princess?" "It's alright. Is he well enough for me to vist him? Ask him some questions?" "Yes princess of course. We can't deny you of something you wan-" "Yes...you can. If I was being irrational, anypony could. Just because I'm royalty doesn't mean I'm better than anypony else. And you'd be right to remember that." "R-Right" "Calm doctor. I'm not here to hurt you. Now, show me to this mysterious stallion." "Oh. Erm, y-yes right th-this way princess." I wanted to see these people, the seemed liked and interesting bunch. To bad that when I tried to open my eyes, I got a face full dizziness and a head full of pain. I groaned. "Well, it seems he's awake. Third person POV The door to the Nates room was swung open by the good doctor, and the princess standing beside him. "Leave us." "Okay, erm. R-right princess." Nate was having an internal battle with his body. He couldn't open his eyes, or really even move his body. He was way to sore. His balls were itchy too. Okay maybe not the best narration on my part. Anyways... "Can you speak?" Said the women. All she got was a groan and nod. "Do you know where you are?" "Hoshpitol" Nate now just realized he was VERY much out of it. "Good, do you know who you are?" The women asked. "Nate." "Nate? An... odd name. But thats not why I'm here. Why were you in that forest?" Now you see Nate, is usually a very sensible man. However he was so far gone, he thought the women was insulting him. "Dit you juest cawll my name gay?" It was so silent, you could here a plane going into the twin towers. Oh god I'm going to hell, that's not funny "W-what? No. I-i was just saying it was a od-" she was cut off. "Youh callved meh gay, that's like tortally nut cool mhan." The women seemed to panick slightly. "I didn't mean to oftend you!" "Yer har forgiven. I hallways loved you baby gerl." And with that Nate went unconscious. Again. "what" The door opened. "Oh princess Celestial! I forgot to tell you that the sedatives haven't worn off yet, so he may not be the best for questions right now." "Oh, W-well I suppose I could wait until the sedatives ware off..." "I'm sorry princess, I didn't mean to waste your time." "It's quite fine. Doctor, he just... made me worry for a second there." "What? What did he say?" "Nothing of importance I assure you." She said that a little to fast. "Oh, okay. Well you can wait inside here if you'd like." "Much appreciated doctor, now you must have other duties?" Celestial said raising her eyebrows slightly. "Oh right!" And with that he left. "Well that was a very... awkward exchange." She spoke quietly to her self. Totally original dream sequence. First/third person POV turns out. Drugs can effect your dreams too. Don't quote me on that. We stood there, on the bloodied battlefield. We had won are attack against the Canadian bacon men, and A bunch of clones of the Shamwow guy. "Are you ready? Jon Snow" said my champion, the Kool-said guy. "Yes" I raised my lightsaber in the air. This would be my greatest challenge yet. I have faced demons. I have faced ghosts. I have faced the spirt of Richard Nixon. But this? This was my greatest challenge of them all. Standing next to me. Was my best friend. Papa John. Smiling while I prepared to start my speach. I spoke in my thick Russian accent. (Jon Snow is DEFINITELY not Russian) "Today, we march on the mushroom kingdoms gates! To rid are planet from the scum know as the white knights and their tyrant king!" *claping* "The king only knows one name... and that name is. HITLARY CLITON!" *loud cheering from a bunch of Optimus Primes* "Today we will take back are lands of Skyrim!" *more loud cheering* "AND THEN WE WILL FINALLY FIND OUT WHO CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG!!!" "CHARGE THE GATES!" With a flick of my wrist and a pointing of all my fingers. I yelled my battle cry. "BOI IF U DONT GET" That's all they needed to hear. We charged the gates. With me riding my giant chinchilla, and Kool-Aid man taking out is giant dragon strap on. And Papa John? He brought the greatest weapon of all time known to the battlefield. All he needed was to say the special words. "Better ingredients. Better pizza. Papa Johns." As soon as those words left his mouth. Every single Shamwow, and Canadian bacon men shivered. They knew what was coming. They heard the stories. They couldn't stop it. Suddenly a giant floating spider made of cheese and pepperoni, starting raining justice from above with its natural organic ingredients. Oh god the screaming. "Oh god!" "It's to much!" "Every Shamwow for themself!" "No! Not my eyes PLEASE, ANY THING BUT THE EYES!" It was chaos, and I loved it. That's what these bastards get for killing my mother. Lacey Green. "Go Snow! I will hold them off!" Papa John said to me in his British accent. As we made are finally bush to the thrown room we were met with heavy resistance. But not heavy enough. We killed every. Last. One. As me and Kool-Aid man burst through the throne room doors we heard slow clapping. *clap* *clap* *clap* "You did well, Jon Snow!" The tyrant know as Hitler's Cilton spoke in a mocking tone. "But before you can kill me, you must defeat my champion." Just as the king said that they heard shuffling behind them. It was The Legend27. "No! What have you done to my brother?!" I spoke in rage. The tyrant cackled "he bows to me now, he's not your brother any more." "Now, I will finish you. The Legend27! ATTACK!" My once brother threw boulder after boulder at me. Trying to squash me under them. The battle took 90 days to complete. (Thank god for speed ups) The battle was hard and gruelling, brutal and almost impossible. But I did it. I defeated The Legend27. He was unconscious and unharmed. Now for the tyrants turn to bleed. The king smirked at me. And did a becken hand motion. Filled with rage I sped my way over to the tyrant, ignited my light saber a meant to end her reign once and for all. Only to have to blocked by no other than the Kool-Aid man. My face was full of shock. "Why?" I spoke in a voice full of sadness. "Because she had grape Koo-Aid. I'm sorry." With a flurry of blades and dildos. We fought. To the death. I was weak. I managed to damage him enough to get him on his knees. But I couldn't kill him. He was my friend. My brother. I let him go and turned around to face the tyrant. I didn't notice Kool-Aid man clutching his weapon and charging. I was about to turn around. Only for Papa Johns to get in the way. "NO!!!" I spoke in total shock. He turned to me and smiled "better ingredients. Better pizza... P-papa Jo-Johns." With a gasp he fell to the ground. I never felt so much rage. I let out a blood curlting yell. And slaughtered them. It was so quick. But they were dead. Even the king. I ran to his body and let out a cry. "No" I tried to hold onto his body only for it to fade from existence. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!" I choked as hot tears trailed down my cheeks. "Why? Why had it have to be...*hic* my only lover....." Weird dream over. Third person POV Celestia sat at the end of Nates bed, waiting for the drugs to wear off. She watched as he moaned and groaned in his sleep, and muttered incoherent mumbles about 'papa johns' He was currently an odd creature. Oddly handsome though in a certain... exotic way. She waited 3 whole hours for Nate to start stirring from his sleep. "Hrmmm." He yawned "were am I?" "Finally you're awake" "Sorry for keeping you waiting nurs-... WHAT THE FU-" End of chapter 2 CLIFF HANGER!!! :3 Chapter 3: Bad decisions.So I fucked up. Like really fucked up. Like telling your girlfriend to calm down when's she's on her period, type of fucked up. Now you may be wondering."Now Nate, you silly billy, what did you do?" Now. I may have done something I'm not proud of. You see, when I was awoken from my dreams. I had expected a nurse. That's not what I woke up to. Instead. I woke up to a horse. Shut up, don't laugh at me. ...Ok so maybe not a horse.... but humans usually don't look like they had unnatural relations with farm animals, ok? So I may have... freaked out. Just a little. 5 minutes ago. *SCREAM* "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Now I know what your thinking. Wow Nate. You scared the princess so much you made her scream? No. No that was me, screaming like a total girl man. Now here I was. Backed into a corner, using a pillow as a shield and that, stand that holds the I.V (you know what I mean.) as a make shift spear. I'm not proud. "Now Nate, calm down, You don't wanna hurt yourself." The freak of nature tried to sooth me. So as I stood there, possibly still on drugs. As the weird horse lady, held her hands forward in a "calm down" gesture, trying to get me to put down my weapons of mass destruction. Of course me being the brave and noble soul I am, did not relent to the enemy. "Please don't hurt me! I'm so young! ISURRENDERJUSTPLEASEDONTKILLMEWITHYOURHORN!" Ok. So maybe I'm not so noble. Shut up. Don't laugh. It's not funny. I'm serious. If you were in my position, what the fuck would you do? Probably not much better. So fuck off, I think I made the best possible choice at the time. The lady blinked at me. I blinked back. She blinked again. The uncontrollable silence made me even more on edge. She finally spoke. "I'm not going to hurt you Nate. I just want to ask you a few questions, that's all." Nate blinked "questions?... wait a minute. "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!!" I asked. "You told me, I just want to-" I once again, yelled at her. "I DONT KNOW YOU! I NEVER MET YOU BEFORE! HOW TO YOU KNOW MY NAME!." I oh so calmly asked. The lady blinked, then slowly brought her hands down. "You were found injured in the forest, the elements found you there. Now. I just want to get some answers-" Ok. So in my panicked state, I did not pay attention to a dam thing she said. However what I did notice, was her slowing inching her way towards me. I realized I had dropped my weapon, and only defence. So I reacted. I reacted in the most professional, eloquent way I could. *SCREAM* *SMACK* ....The back hand I just created was the most beautiful, and powerful thing anyone has ever seen. Not even whales diving over rainbows could compete with the majestic power of this bitch slap. It was like watching magic unfold, as if time stopped. And for some reason all I could think of was the lucky charms guy going "their magically delicious." ....for some reason. Probably the drugs. Yeah. However. Just as time stopped, it sped up up again. and I watched the lady's head be thrown back so far, it looked as if her neck broke. However she did not move a single muscle, stumble, or even make a sound. She stood there. As her head slowing starting lower back down from looking at the ceiling. I got a good look at her face. And collectively shit myself. She had no emotion, just a look in her eye I could not explain. Her face did not move. But then I noticed blood, slowing making its way down from a small cut on her lip. I also noticed she had gotten close to me, and my other hand was on a very personal part of her chest. I saw her face morph into that of anger. I also noticed the crown. "Oh, fuck." Oh fuck indeed. You just had fucked with the wrong person now, didn't you Nate? Well. I always wondered if there was an after life. I guess now, I'll get to find out. Now. Third person. "PLEASE, IM SORRY! DONT KILL ME!" Nate was practically thrown through the door of the room. As he hit the ground, he hazily look up, to see other freaks of nature, staring at him. "Hehe, umm.. what's up?" That's when he heard foot steps behind him. And like a demon of death. She walks out. "Get out of the hall." She was staring at him. but her voice was directed at the others around us. No one questioned it. The calmness in her voice caused a shiver to run up Nates spine. "Explain yourself." She spoke. "Err. Um... I-I- I'm s-sorry?" He started to shake. She smiled. "Thank you." What. "is this woman fucking bipolar?" Just as he finished those thoughts. She grabbed him from the collar of his shirt and started to drag him back inside the room. And sat him on his bed. "Now, we will forget this ever happened." She said. Nate bobbed his head up and down. "And we will start over, from the beginning, and you will give me an answer to my questions." He once again, shook his head yes. She once again smiled. "Good." "this women fucking creeps me out." Nate thought as he gulped and started to get comfortable. "My name. Is princess Celestia. And I-" A very long and boring talk later. "Ok... So... you managed to land yourself in one of the most dangerous forests in all of Equestria. And it happened... While you were drunk?" Celestia sounded like she thought this was either the worst lie ever. Or the best story ever told. Nate shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah..." he spoke in a soft sigh. "Not one of my greatest moments..." She cracked a smile. "This is great." "Don't laugh! It's to my fault that I woke up half drunk in a forest." He said. She giggled. "I know, it's just... I never heard something like that ever happening. I mean seriously?" "Hey, I wasn't trying to get lost in a forest, drunk, and bleeding." She stopped giggling. "How are you feeling? I know you had to take sedatives, because of your injuries." She softly spoke in a motherly tone. "Oh... I think I'm ok, a little sore." Then he realized something. "How long was I out for?" He was genuinely curious. "Almost a day and a half, or about 36 hours." She said. "Wow, and I thought it would have been longer. That must have been some good medicine you gave me." He whispered. She smiled proudly. "The doctors here at Ponyvile are some of the best." Celestia practically radiated happiness. Nate scoffed. "I still think that is a stupid name." He wishperd quietly. Oh yeah. In that totally long talk that you've seen a hundred times. We talked about who Nate was, and who she was. He was embarrassed to know he smacked a monarch. However, you should have seen his reaction to the explanation of magic. "oh, fuck off." he laughed. He saw her expression. "oh my god, your serious are you. she nodded. "Prove it." and prove she did. "Nate?" Celestia spoke, shaking him from his memory. "Eh? What?" "I want you to meet my student, when you get approval to leave from the doctors." She said. He raised an eyebrow. As if sensing his confusion she finished. "My student was one of the ones who helped you." She explained. "Oh." He nodeed his head. "But first." She looked out the window to see it was about thim to lower the sun. "You need to sleep. You will greet her tomorrow." Nate nodded, and yawned. "Ok." He said as he started to lay back down on in hospital bed. "If you have any problems. Just call for the nurse, she will helped you." She told him. "Got it." He said. "Goodnight Nate, may you have a great sleep, thank you for answering my questions." "Your welcome princess." He yawned again. She nodded and started to make her leave. "Oh, and Nate?" She stopped to say. "Yeah?" "Watch were you put your hands please." She teased. "R-right, sorry." He stammers. She giggled. "Goodbye, Nate." And with that she left. "What a strange women." Thought before he drifted off into a blissful sleep. Chapter 4: meeting the student.A few hours after waking up. "So, who is she again?" I question Celestia, as I exited the small bathroom, clothes now gripped my body. thank god for that pony that made these clothes, I wonder if I'll meet her today? "She is my student, and one of the ponies that helped save your life, but also, more importantly, one of the elements of harmony." She finished sitting down on the bed. "Your still gonna need to fully explain that to me.... even WITH the explanation last night I'm still confused." I said as I scratched my head. "I mean, I know WHAT they are, but you never told me what they DO. Simply that they help defend Equestria." I said crossing my arms over my chest. "All in do time Nate, I will will introduce you to my student first, then we will go meet the other elements. That way, you can get your answers, I promise." She said as she stood up from the bed. She looked at me. More specifically, my clothes. "I see Rarity did well on her work, as she always has." She smiled. I nodded slightly. Even though I never met her, I will admit, the woman- MARE, (need time to get used to that...) knows her clothing. "Well" she said. Standing up. "We should get going, my student gets very excited about new types of things, and you are VERY new. She will probably ask you questions." She told me. "Questions? Alright, I can a handle a few questions." I said. She giggled. "More like a lot of questions, just be prepared by a verbal bombardment." She snickered and whisperd to herself. "~oh I can't wait to see how she reacts to you, she's always so adorable when she geeks out~" "She can't be THAT bad." I reasoned. She giggled, again. "Trust me, she is." She luaghed lightly when I groaned. "But don't worry, I won't let the questions take up the whole day, we still have a lot to do." She finished, grabbing the door knob, twisting and opening the door. "Now walk with me, the day is still young." She said as I nodded, and started to followed her to the check out. 40 minutes later. So I was currently trying not to scream out loud. why? Because when we got to where Twilight lived. which is a library, I soon found out when Celestia told me. I had expecte at least a normal goddam house , or even a library. But nope. I got a fucking tree house. Now. When I say TREE house, I mean TREE house. As in a house made of a tree. Fuck me this just keeps getting more and more confusing. First of all, how? How to you even make this happen? How much money did it cost? And more importantly. Why the fuck hasn't anyone burned it down yet? I mean, with a world of magical pony looking people you'd think some one would accidentally start a fire. Actually, how do you keep this fucker LIT without catching fire?....my brain hurts. But before my brain could combust inside my head. Celestia spoke. "This is my students library." She spoke, lifting her arm and gesturing towards it. I was still not believing this. "Celestia? Why is the house a tree? How does THAT work?" I pointed to the 'house' "it makes NO sense." She looked at me, smirked and said "magic." while wriggling her fingers front of her face "Wooooh. Spooky." She laughed when I smacked my forhead. Of COURSE that was her explanation... I sighed. "Fine. Whatever, let's just get inside this abomination." "My students house is not an abomination!" She luaghed. She then walked up to the front door and knock. *knock* *knock* *knock* She knocked three times and spoke a little loudly through the door. "Twilight? I'm here!" Almost as soon as she finished yelling. The door flung open to reveal suprise another pony. like seriously, it's like a 20 year old virgin with a furry fetish created this world. i almost laughed. "Princess!" The purple pony cried out as she hugged her mentor like she hasn't seen her in years. "Hello twilight," she said giving her a quick nuzzle. "How are you doing today?" She asked as they broke off the hug. "Oh! I'm great! Spike cleaned up the library, so now that your here it's nice and clean." She spoke in excitement. Then she gasped. "Oh my gosh are you the one we found in the forest? Oh my gosh I have SOOO many questions!" She spoke as she grabbed me by the hand and practicly PULLED me through the door. I yelped, not only to how far she pulled me, but also because of how strange her hand felt. It felt... weird. The princess chuckled at my expense. " now, now twilight, give him some breathing room." Twilight looked up at her. "Okay!" Then sat me down on a couch while she sat across from me. Is it normal for them to smile like that? She took a deep breath. Then exhaled. "TELL ME EVERYTHING!." The little mare yelled, her voice reaching an almost scream when she spoke. Celestia simply smiled. "He can't tell you EVERYTHING Twilight, I still need him for later on today." Twilight let out a small squeak oh my Christ, that's adorable. "sorry princess." Twilight mumbles, slightly embarrassed. Celestial kept her warm smile. "It's fine twilight, you can still ask him questions, just make them count we only got about one and a half hours with you." I winched ONLY?! I tried not to groan once again. "Ooh this is going to be so exciting! Ok, my first question is..... where are you from?!" And with that, hours of questions such as "What's your species?" And more painful, awkward ones like "how do you reproduce?" Were answered. Celestia seemed to in enjoy me being uncomfortable when answering THOSE a little to much.... Why me? 1 hour later. After she had no more questions, and I had no more answers. She decided to stop with asking me things and we started to talks about who we were. I found out she was the element of magic, and she found out I was a guy who got drunk and lost in a forest. i know, I'm not important, she is. You don't have to rub it in my face. Dick. Celestial looked at the time and sighed softly. "Ok twilight, I think that's anough questions for today, Nate still needs to meet the other elements before the day is over." She said. Twilight looked a little sad. Her eyes widened a little bit. But didn't say anything to her. i wonder if cuteness can be weaponized.... my thoughts were cut off. "Come Nate, the next pony we will meet will be the element of honesty, she lives on a farm. It's A little bit of a walk, but we should be there shortly." She said opening the door. I stood up and walked towards the door as well. Twilight called out to us. "Bye princess! Bye Nathan!" (yes, Nathan's my full name.) and with that we set out. "Princess, where is the farm?" I question looking to my left. "Oh silly me, I forgot to tell you. Her farm is over by Sweet Apple acres." She continued "it's almost impossible to miss, with the hundreds of apple trees." She finished speaking. "Ok" was my simple reply, as I continued to follow her down the path. "I don't know why you asked me were it was.... I would be guiding you there." She pointed out. "Oh. I just wanted to know where we are going. I was just curious." I explained. "Solid point." She spoke. And with that, We started to make are way closer to Sweet Apple Acres. And then I realized something... "Sweet Apple Arces? Are you fucking kidding me?"
Chapter 1: The beginning of an adventure of epic proportions.First person POV Pain. All I felt was pain at the moment. Pain so excruciating that my lungs felt like they were being pierced by a hundred sharp needles. My sides ached and my legs were sore. The rest of my body didn't fair much better. I had a headache that just didn't seem to fade, and it just kept getting worse with every passing second. I was completely uncomfortable in the position I was in. My back was up against something hard and bumpy. My brain seemed to be in complete disarray of its surroundings. As for the life of me I couldn't remember where I was at the moment. My breath had the lingering taste of alcohol. "that would explain a lot" I winched. Even thinking hurt right now. Even though my body ached, and my brain practically felt like it was pulling in on its self. I needed to get up an assess the current situation I was in. I clearly wasn't in my home, or even a bar. Which means I could be in an alley. Or passed out in one of my friends places. But this didn't feel like any of those. So where could I be? I groaned as I attempted to open my heavy eyes. Only to be assaulted by a bright light in the sky known as the moon, and it's stars. "okay, so I'm outside then...I do not remeber the moon being so dam bright" But where? Where could i possible be? I slowly let my eyes to adjust to the bright light. Only to focus on my surroundings. I was sourrounded by trees... ..Fucking trees. "How in the hell?" Agh. My voice sounded so strained at the moment. My brain could not handle every thing that was being thrown at it. First I wake up drunk. In pain. And now I find out I'm in a fucking forest? How does that even happen! I was NO where near any trees when I was out drinking. Well actually I don't remember why I was out drinking. ..or where. Fuck. Mabye I just got drunk at a friends place, left in my car and forgot where I was going? "No, even drunk i would know where to drive, to get home" Plus not to mention, my car was NO where in sight. So that threw that logic out the window. But that's the thing. I had no logical explanation for why i was in the middle of a forest, which I didn't even recognize. "I couldn't have walked here either. That would have been impossible without getting my shoes dirty" I was looking at my shoes as i thought this. Not even a speck of dirt. Goddam my headache was evolving into a migraine with all this nonsense. So before I fired my brain in trying to figure it all out, I simply tried to complete an objective. That objective was to be able to get on my feet, and possibly manage to actually move away from the tree i was sitting against. Which, now that I looked at it, looked awfully crooked in a creepy, unnatural way. I shiverd at the now uneassy feeling that i got from the Forrest. Mabye it was because i was alone. At night... in a forest.... ..Not helping. Thanks brain. Third person POV So forgetting the strange feeling Nate got from the forest, he turned his attention to getting up from the tree he leaned against. So putting one leg in front of the other, and putting some weight on the tree to help with balance. He managed to get standing. "That took way to much time and effort" Nate huffed as he held his hand against the tree. He took a few minutes to clear his head. "Now, let's see if I can find out where I am.." Nate started, only to jump slightly at the sound of a tree branch snapping, and a rustle of the bushes near by. "Okay let's get away from here, the last thing I need right now, is to be mauled to death by some grizzly bear" and with that Nate slowly, began walking away from the bushes and near a small dirt path that seemed to stretch forever. "Dammit I don't have time for this I need to find out where I could go for some help" But then a thought hit him. "WAIT, about my phone?!? Nate thought, as he padded his pant pockets for his phone. Only to be disappointed to find it gone. "Shit, did some one steal it?" Nate groaned. "Dammit, now what?" "Mabye I could just walk across this path, and find my way to a town or something." Nate reasoned with himself. "Perhaps even a ride home" but even then. "It can't be THAT long, could it?" Nate thought positively. 2 hours later. "Oh. My. Christ." Nate spoke between tired breaths, and groaned in discomfort. "Why did this have to happen to me?" Nate spoke, as if questioning some one that wasn't there. "it's been over an hour, and still nothing!" Nate was frustrated. Possibly more frustrated then he ever has before. Even though his hangover had long since passed, and his headache dulled. He still felt terrible. "I don't even know if I'm going the right way!" "why didn't I just stay home? Then mabye I wouldn't be in this godforsaken, fucking forest." Nate spoke, a little loud. Nate practically shit himself when he heard a growl. *GROWL* Nate didn't move. Nate didn't blink. Nate didn't breath. "Please god, tell me that was my stomach" Nate thought weakly to himself. He was sweating bullets as he slowly turned around to see some thing he wished he didn't. Eyes of a predator stalking its pray. It was wolf. That alone wasn't that scary. But that's not what he was afraid about. For you see it was not you're normal type of wolf. The wolfs eyes were glowing, and it's body was made of a thick, strong wood. "O-oh, Fu-fuck" Nate whispered. Nate heard more growls. And saw more of the glowing eyes appear from nearby bushes. Nate was not afraid to idmit that he screamed like a little girl. The wolfs charged at him. ..and so he ran. He ran so fast, Usain Bolt would be proud. He ran over downed trees and through bushes in an attempt to shake his chasers. His face was scratched from the sharp twigs hitting his face, but he was to high on adrenaline to even notice. His headache came back full force and he starting to feel his aching body act up again. He huffed as he started to lose his breath. But as soon as he turned his head to look back, he found himself running faster. They were gaining on him. And fast. His heart rate was starting to become the only thing he could hear. That's when he tripped. He yelped as he fell to the ground. His body ached but he couldn't stop. But they already caught him. He looked around to see if he could find any thing to defend himself with. He saw a few rocks. But they weren't large enough to do any damage. He looked around desperately for something. Anything. That's when he spotted a large stick that was broken in half. It looked sharp enough. .. he hoped. So he picked up the branch as he turned around as three of the wolf things surrounded him. Nate was huffing. He was tired. But he could not let that get to him, or he would die. One of the wolfs growled at him, and looked as if it was about to pounce. Nate held the branche tightly in his hands. The wolf made its move. It was so fast Nate barely had enough time to react. It jumped at him, so Nate instinctively brought the stick uppwards. It impaled to wolf as it howled in pain. But Nate did not brace inself, and the wolf ended up landing on top of him. It was dead. Nate groaned as he heaved the odd wolf of his form. And tried to retrieve the branch from its impaled underside, only to have the second wolf tryed to jump on his side. However Nate was ready this time and ended up catching and throwing the wolf at the third. He retrieved the stick as they recovered. Just then the third wolf recovered and tried to do a different tactic. And ended up dodging Nates swing at its head. It then managed to push Nate to the ground. The wolf tried to make for Nates throat, but bit down on the bark. Snapping the middle of the stick into a smaller part. And bitting into Nates Arm. Nate yelled as his skin was torn into. In a blind pannic, Nate grabbed the smaller piece of bark with his good hand and stabbed through the wolfs neck. Killing it as well. Nate unhinged the wolfs jaw from his arm. Winching from the pain. "Dammit" Just then Nate looked at the third wolf to see it limp away. Nate was taking rapid breaths while holding is injured arm. Only to start laughing. "Ha, I got you bastards good didn't I?" He yelled. Only to suddenly feel sick. Nate fell to the ground, feeling queasy from the blood lost. "Oh shit" he gasped. Nate started to feel his body catching up with him. The adrenaline long since wore off. So now he felt every thing, from the bite. To his bruises. His breathing started to get slower and more laboured. As his eyes started to get heavy. "Well that just went down south real fast." Just then he heard voices. Female voices. "yer sure yah heard somethin Twilight?" "I am one hundred percent sure Applejack. I heard it coming from over hear." "I heard the noise as well dear." "Yeah it sounded like it was in pain, like a lot of pain." "maybe we should help it?" The voices stared to get close as he heard a female gasp "Oh my Celestia, what happened here? "Look girls! That stallion looks like he's hurt!" "He looks awful..." "Girls we need to bring him to a hospital! Help me move him" "oh thank god Nate thought as he finally slipped into unconsciousness. He didn't have the brain power to even think about the weird names... Or the strange feeling of being lifted off the ground.
Chapter 2: oh I guess this is totally normal.Third person POV "What do you think happened to him?" "The Elements said they found him in a forest covered in injuries, mostly from two timber wolfs..." "How did they know that two timber wolfs did this?" "Two of them were found dead, close to where they found him." "He killed them?" "It would seem that way, most of the injuries were scratches, signs of a fight as well. But we're not here to talk about that." "You said mostly" "Some of the wounds weren't all that recent. In fact, some of them looked to have happened before the attack." "How could you tell?" "On some of the smaller cuts, there has already been noticeable swelling. As well a scabs forming around the area of damage." "And how bad was the damage, Doctor?" "He's not in the greatest shape. But not the worst either. He had multiple lacerations around the chest and pectoral region, as well as a deep bite wound on the forearm. Which thankfully didn't manage to damage any vital veins in the arm. As well as a slight fever, it was rather cold last night. But it was nothing the medical team couldn't fix." "What were the elements doing out in that forest? If it's in my place to ask." "The princess wanted them to go. There was a very large, VERY large magical surge in the forest. The princess wanted to make sure that it wasn't any remnants of the Nightmare Moon." "How did you know this?" "When I asked why they were in such a dangerous area, the Element of Honesty told me the reason. "Oh that's just not fair, you know she's a terrible liar. Why would you even press her for information like that?" "I didn't press her. She was just the first one to give me one." "I thought Twilight was the magic wiz?" "Nurse. Twilight told Applejack to tell me why they were out there." "O-oh, sorry." "It's quite alright. Now, any more questions you might have?" The doctor asked, only to see the nurse staring at the patient. "I never really got a good look at him. He is an odd looking one, isn't he?" "That's a rather... odd thing to mention nurse." "Sorry, it's just i have never seen anypony like him." "Purhapse you could ask him about the way he looks then." "No! I don't mean to sound rude. He just looks... different." "It's alright nurse. Just be carful of what you say next time. You could've offended the poor lad if he had been awake." "Sorry" "It's alright. Now help me prep him. Princess Celestia will be coming by to ask him questions about why he's here." "She will?" "Yes. She wants to know more about the lad. He is a rather strange one." "Oh, who's the offensive one now?" "I mean why would've he been in the Everfree forest? Everypony knows that it's a dangerous place. And there is nothing out there, but wild animals trying to claw your eyes out. Even the princesses don't like to go near the forest." "With good reason. Mabye... he got lost?" "I've never seen him before. So it's a likely chance." "So what do we do with him, now?" "We will simply wait untill the princess comes by, and show her to the patient" First person POV two hours later Ow. Just. Ow. My muscles were strained and sore. And my body felt like total garbage. But I was alive. And that was saying something. But I still was to tired to move, and to tired to even care. Right now I was the most comfortable I have been since last night. The soft bed that I slept on felt perfect right now. To bad for the annoying beeping. And I was having such good dreams to. I was about to groan when I heard voices. "And what do you know of him?" The first voice sounded female. Rather easy on the ears as well. Sounded almost like a mother talking to her child. "Not much. Only his injures and body image. Which by the way, gave the doctors, me included, quite the scare. We thought the poor lad was a lot worse than he actually was... enough about that. He hasn't woken up yet so we don't know his name. Or his reason for being out there. But what we can say is that he is healthy, and alive." "You can't exactly be healthy without being alive, can you doctor?" "She got you there, doc." "S-sorry princess, wrong choice of words." "princess?" "It's alright. Is he well enough for me to vist him? Ask him some questions?" "Yes princess of course. We can't deny you of something you wan-" "Yes...you can. If I was being irrational, anypony could. Just because I'm royalty doesn't mean I'm better than anypony else. And you'd be right to remember that." "R-Right" "Calm doctor. I'm not here to hurt you. Now, show me to this mysterious stallion." "Oh. Erm, y-yes right th-this way princess." I wanted to see these people, the seemed liked and interesting bunch. To bad that when I tried to open my eyes, I got a face full dizziness and a head full of pain. I groaned. "Well, it seems he's awake. Third person POV The door to the Nates room was swung open by the good doctor, and the princess standing beside him. "Leave us." "Okay, erm. R-right princess." Nate was having an internal battle with his body. He couldn't open his eyes, or really even move his body. He was way to sore. His balls were itchy too. Okay maybe not the best narration on my part. Anyways... "Can you speak?" Said the women. All she got was a groan and nod. "Do you know where you are?" "Hoshpitol" Nate now just realized he was VERY much out of it. "Good, do you know who you are?" The women asked. "Nate." "Nate? An... odd name. But thats not why I'm here. Why were you in that forest?" Now you see Nate, is usually a very sensible man. However he was so far gone, he thought the women was insulting him. "Dit you juest cawll my name gay?" It was so silent, you could here a plane going into the twin towers. Oh god I'm going to hell, that's not funny "W-what? No. I-i was just saying it was a od-" she was cut off. "Youh callved meh gay, that's like tortally nut cool mhan." The women seemed to panick slightly. "I didn't mean to oftend you!" "Yer har forgiven. I hallways loved you baby gerl." And with that Nate went unconscious. Again. "what" The door opened. "Oh princess Celestial! I forgot to tell you that the sedatives haven't worn off yet, so he may not be the best for questions right now." "Oh, W-well I suppose I could wait until the sedatives ware off..." "I'm sorry princess, I didn't mean to waste your time." "It's quite fine. Doctor, he just... made me worry for a second there." "What? What did he say?" "Nothing of importance I assure you." She said that a little to fast. "Oh, okay. Well you can wait inside here if you'd like." "Much appreciated doctor, now you must have other duties?" Celestial said raising her eyebrows slightly. "Oh right!" And with that he left. "Well that was a very... awkward exchange." She spoke quietly to her self. Totally original dream sequence. First/third person POV turns out. Drugs can effect your dreams too. Don't quote me on that. We stood there, on the bloodied battlefield. We had won are attack against the Canadian bacon men, and A bunch of clones of the Shamwow guy. "Are you ready? Jon Snow" said my champion, the Kool-said guy. "Yes" I raised my lightsaber in the air. This would be my greatest challenge yet. I have faced demons. I have faced ghosts. I have faced the spirt of Richard Nixon. But this? This was my greatest challenge of them all. Standing next to me. Was my best friend. Papa John. Smiling while I prepared to start my speach. I spoke in my thick Russian accent. (Jon Snow is DEFINITELY not Russian) "Today, we march on the mushroom kingdoms gates! To rid are planet from the scum know as the white knights and their tyrant king!" *claping* "The king only knows one name... and that name is. HITLARY CLITON!" *loud cheering from a bunch of Optimus Primes* "Today we will take back are lands of Skyrim!" *more loud cheering* "AND THEN WE WILL FINALLY FIND OUT WHO CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG!!!" "CHARGE THE GATES!" With a flick of my wrist and a pointing of all my fingers. I yelled my battle cry. "BOI IF U DONT GET" That's all they needed to hear. We charged the gates. With me riding my giant chinchilla, and Kool-Aid man taking out is giant dragon strap on. And Papa John? He brought the greatest weapon of all time known to the battlefield. All he needed was to say the special words. "Better ingredients. Better pizza. Papa Johns." As soon as those words left his mouth. Every single Shamwow, and Canadian bacon men shivered. They knew what was coming. They heard the stories. They couldn't stop it. Suddenly a giant floating spider made of cheese and pepperoni, starting raining justice from above with its natural organic ingredients. Oh god the screaming. "Oh god!" "It's to much!" "Every Shamwow for themself!" "No! Not my eyes PLEASE, ANY THING BUT THE EYES!" It was chaos, and I loved it. That's what these bastards get for killing my mother. Lacey Green. "Go Snow! I will hold them off!" Papa John said to me in his British accent. As we made are finally bush to the thrown room we were met with heavy resistance. But not heavy enough. We killed every. Last. One. As me and Kool-Aid man burst through the throne room doors we heard slow clapping. *clap* *clap* *clap* "You did well, Jon Snow!" The tyrant know as Hitler's Cilton spoke in a mocking tone. "But before you can kill me, you must defeat my champion." Just as the king said that they heard shuffling behind them. It was The Legend27. "No! What have you done to my brother?!" I spoke in rage. The tyrant cackled "he bows to me now, he's not your brother any more." "Now, I will finish you. The Legend27! ATTACK!" My once brother threw boulder after boulder at me. Trying to squash me under them. The battle took 90 days to complete. (Thank god for speed ups) The battle was hard and gruelling, brutal and almost impossible. But I did it. I defeated The Legend27. He was unconscious and unharmed. Now for the tyrants turn to bleed. The king smirked at me. And did a becken hand motion. Filled with rage I sped my way over to the tyrant, ignited my light saber a meant to end her reign once and for all. Only to have to blocked by no other than the Kool-Aid man. My face was full of shock. "Why?" I spoke in a voice full of sadness. "Because she had grape Koo-Aid. I'm sorry." With a flurry of blades and dildos. We fought. To the death. I was weak. I managed to damage him enough to get him on his knees. But I couldn't kill him. He was my friend. My brother. I let him go and turned around to face the tyrant. I didn't notice Kool-Aid man clutching his weapon and charging. I was about to turn around. Only for Papa Johns to get in the way. "NO!!!" I spoke in total shock. He turned to me and smiled "better ingredients. Better pizza... P-papa Jo-Johns." With a gasp he fell to the ground. I never felt so much rage. I let out a blood curlting yell. And slaughtered them. It was so quick. But they were dead. Even the king. I ran to his body and let out a cry. "No" I tried to hold onto his body only for it to fade from existence. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!" I choked as hot tears trailed down my cheeks. "Why? Why had it have to be...*hic* my only lover....." Weird dream over. Third person POV Celestia sat at the end of Nates bed, waiting for the drugs to wear off. She watched as he moaned and groaned in his sleep, and muttered incoherent mumbles about 'papa johns' He was currently an odd creature. Oddly handsome though in a certain... exotic way. She waited 3 whole hours for Nate to start stirring from his sleep. "Hrmmm." He yawned "were am I?" "Finally you're awake" "Sorry for keeping you waiting nurs-... WHAT THE FU-" End of chapter 2 CLIFF HANGER!!! :3
Chapter 3: Bad decisions.So I fucked up. Like really fucked up. Like telling your girlfriend to calm down when's she's on her period, type of fucked up. Now you may be wondering."Now Nate, you silly billy, what did you do?" Now. I may have done something I'm not proud of. You see, when I was awoken from my dreams. I had expected a nurse. That's not what I woke up to. Instead. I woke up to a horse. Shut up, don't laugh at me. ...Ok so maybe not a horse.... but humans usually don't look like they had unnatural relations with farm animals, ok? So I may have... freaked out. Just a little. 5 minutes ago. *SCREAM* "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Now I know what your thinking. Wow Nate. You scared the princess so much you made her scream? No. No that was me, screaming like a total girl man. Now here I was. Backed into a corner, using a pillow as a shield and that, stand that holds the I.V (you know what I mean.) as a make shift spear. I'm not proud. "Now Nate, calm down, You don't wanna hurt yourself." The freak of nature tried to sooth me. So as I stood there, possibly still on drugs. As the weird horse lady, held her hands forward in a "calm down" gesture, trying to get me to put down my weapons of mass destruction. Of course me being the brave and noble soul I am, did not relent to the enemy. "Please don't hurt me! I'm so young! ISURRENDERJUSTPLEASEDONTKILLMEWITHYOURHORN!" Ok. So maybe I'm not so noble. Shut up. Don't laugh. It's not funny. I'm serious. If you were in my position, what the fuck would you do? Probably not much better. So fuck off, I think I made the best possible choice at the time. The lady blinked at me. I blinked back. She blinked again. The uncontrollable silence made me even more on edge. She finally spoke. "I'm not going to hurt you Nate. I just want to ask you a few questions, that's all." Nate blinked "questions?... wait a minute. "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!!" I asked. "You told me, I just want to-" I once again, yelled at her. "I DONT KNOW YOU! I NEVER MET YOU BEFORE! HOW TO YOU KNOW MY NAME!." I oh so calmly asked. The lady blinked, then slowly brought her hands down. "You were found injured in the forest, the elements found you there. Now. I just want to get some answers-" Ok. So in my panicked state, I did not pay attention to a dam thing she said. However what I did notice, was her slowing inching her way towards me. I realized I had dropped my weapon, and only defence. So I reacted. I reacted in the most professional, eloquent way I could. *SCREAM* *SMACK* ....The back hand I just created was the most beautiful, and powerful thing anyone has ever seen. Not even whales diving over rainbows could compete with the majestic power of this bitch slap. It was like watching magic unfold, as if time stopped. And for some reason all I could think of was the lucky charms guy going "their magically delicious." ....for some reason. Probably the drugs. Yeah. However. Just as time stopped, it sped up up again. and I watched the lady's head be thrown back so far, it looked as if her neck broke. However she did not move a single muscle, stumble, or even make a sound. She stood there. As her head slowing starting lower back down from looking at the ceiling. I got a good look at her face. And collectively shit myself. She had no emotion, just a look in her eye I could not explain. Her face did not move. But then I noticed blood, slowing making its way down from a small cut on her lip. I also noticed she had gotten close to me, and my other hand was on a very personal part of her chest. I saw her face morph into that of anger. I also noticed the crown. "Oh, fuck." Oh fuck indeed. You just had fucked with the wrong person now, didn't you Nate? Well. I always wondered if there was an after life. I guess now, I'll get to find out. Now. Third person. "PLEASE, IM SORRY! DONT KILL ME!" Nate was practically thrown through the door of the room. As he hit the ground, he hazily look up, to see other freaks of nature, staring at him. "Hehe, umm.. what's up?" That's when he heard foot steps behind him. And like a demon of death. She walks out. "Get out of the hall." She was staring at him. but her voice was directed at the others around us. No one questioned it. The calmness in her voice caused a shiver to run up Nates spine. "Explain yourself." She spoke. "Err. Um... I-I- I'm s-sorry?" He started to shake. She smiled. "Thank you." What. "is this woman fucking bipolar?" Just as he finished those thoughts. She grabbed him from the collar of his shirt and started to drag him back inside the room. And sat him on his bed. "Now, we will forget this ever happened." She said. Nate bobbed his head up and down. "And we will start over, from the beginning, and you will give me an answer to my questions." He once again, shook his head yes. She once again smiled. "Good." "this women fucking creeps me out." Nate thought as he gulped and started to get comfortable. "My name. Is princess Celestia. And I-" A very long and boring talk later. "Ok... So... you managed to land yourself in one of the most dangerous forests in all of Equestria. And it happened... While you were drunk?" Celestia sounded like she thought this was either the worst lie ever. Or the best story ever told. Nate shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah..." he spoke in a soft sigh. "Not one of my greatest moments..." She cracked a smile. "This is great." "Don't laugh! It's to my fault that I woke up half drunk in a forest." He said. She giggled. "I know, it's just... I never heard something like that ever happening. I mean seriously?" "Hey, I wasn't trying to get lost in a forest, drunk, and bleeding." She stopped giggling. "How are you feeling? I know you had to take sedatives, because of your injuries." She softly spoke in a motherly tone. "Oh... I think I'm ok, a little sore." Then he realized something. "How long was I out for?" He was genuinely curious. "Almost a day and a half, or about 36 hours." She said. "Wow, and I thought it would have been longer. That must have been some good medicine you gave me." He whispered. She smiled proudly. "The doctors here at Ponyvile are some of the best." Celestia practically radiated happiness. Nate scoffed. "I still think that is a stupid name." He wishperd quietly. Oh yeah. In that totally long talk that you've seen a hundred times. We talked about who Nate was, and who she was. He was embarrassed to know he smacked a monarch. However, you should have seen his reaction to the explanation of magic. "oh, fuck off." he laughed. He saw her expression. "oh my god, your serious are you. she nodded. "Prove it." and prove she did. "Nate?" Celestia spoke, shaking him from his memory. "Eh? What?" "I want you to meet my student, when you get approval to leave from the doctors." She said. He raised an eyebrow. As if sensing his confusion she finished. "My student was one of the ones who helped you." She explained. "Oh." He nodeed his head. "But first." She looked out the window to see it was about thim to lower the sun. "You need to sleep. You will greet her tomorrow." Nate nodded, and yawned. "Ok." He said as he started to lay back down on in hospital bed. "If you have any problems. Just call for the nurse, she will helped you." She told him. "Got it." He said. "Goodnight Nate, may you have a great sleep, thank you for answering my questions." "Your welcome princess." He yawned again. She nodded and started to make her leave. "Oh, and Nate?" She stopped to say. "Yeah?" "Watch were you put your hands please." She teased. "R-right, sorry." He stammers. She giggled. "Goodbye, Nate." And with that she left. "What a strange women." Thought before he drifted off into a blissful sleep.
Chapter 4: meeting the student.A few hours after waking up. "So, who is she again?" I question Celestia, as I exited the small bathroom, clothes now gripped my body. thank god for that pony that made these clothes, I wonder if I'll meet her today? "She is my student, and one of the ponies that helped save your life, but also, more importantly, one of the elements of harmony." She finished sitting down on the bed. "Your still gonna need to fully explain that to me.... even WITH the explanation last night I'm still confused." I said as I scratched my head. "I mean, I know WHAT they are, but you never told me what they DO. Simply that they help defend Equestria." I said crossing my arms over my chest. "All in do time Nate, I will will introduce you to my student first, then we will go meet the other elements. That way, you can get your answers, I promise." She said as she stood up from the bed. She looked at me. More specifically, my clothes. "I see Rarity did well on her work, as she always has." She smiled. I nodded slightly. Even though I never met her, I will admit, the woman- MARE, (need time to get used to that...) knows her clothing. "Well" she said. Standing up. "We should get going, my student gets very excited about new types of things, and you are VERY new. She will probably ask you questions." She told me. "Questions? Alright, I can a handle a few questions." I said. She giggled. "More like a lot of questions, just be prepared by a verbal bombardment." She snickered and whisperd to herself. "~oh I can't wait to see how she reacts to you, she's always so adorable when she geeks out~" "She can't be THAT bad." I reasoned. She giggled, again. "Trust me, she is." She luaghed lightly when I groaned. "But don't worry, I won't let the questions take up the whole day, we still have a lot to do." She finished, grabbing the door knob, twisting and opening the door. "Now walk with me, the day is still young." She said as I nodded, and started to followed her to the check out. 40 minutes later. So I was currently trying not to scream out loud. why? Because when we got to where Twilight lived. which is a library, I soon found out when Celestia told me. I had expecte at least a normal goddam house , or even a library. But nope. I got a fucking tree house. Now. When I say TREE house, I mean TREE house. As in a house made of a tree. Fuck me this just keeps getting more and more confusing. First of all, how? How to you even make this happen? How much money did it cost? And more importantly. Why the fuck hasn't anyone burned it down yet? I mean, with a world of magical pony looking people you'd think some one would accidentally start a fire. Actually, how do you keep this fucker LIT without catching fire?....my brain hurts. But before my brain could combust inside my head. Celestia spoke. "This is my students library." She spoke, lifting her arm and gesturing towards it. I was still not believing this. "Celestia? Why is the house a tree? How does THAT work?" I pointed to the 'house' "it makes NO sense." She looked at me, smirked and said "magic." while wriggling her fingers front of her face "Wooooh. Spooky." She laughed when I smacked my forhead. Of COURSE that was her explanation... I sighed. "Fine. Whatever, let's just get inside this abomination." "My students house is not an abomination!" She luaghed. She then walked up to the front door and knock. *knock* *knock* *knock* She knocked three times and spoke a little loudly through the door. "Twilight? I'm here!" Almost as soon as she finished yelling. The door flung open to reveal suprise another pony. like seriously, it's like a 20 year old virgin with a furry fetish created this world. i almost laughed. "Princess!" The purple pony cried out as she hugged her mentor like she hasn't seen her in years. "Hello twilight," she said giving her a quick nuzzle. "How are you doing today?" She asked as they broke off the hug. "Oh! I'm great! Spike cleaned up the library, so now that your here it's nice and clean." She spoke in excitement. Then she gasped. "Oh my gosh are you the one we found in the forest? Oh my gosh I have SOOO many questions!" She spoke as she grabbed me by the hand and practicly PULLED me through the door. I yelped, not only to how far she pulled me, but also because of how strange her hand felt. It felt... weird. The princess chuckled at my expense. " now, now twilight, give him some breathing room." Twilight looked up at her. "Okay!" Then sat me down on a couch while she sat across from me. Is it normal for them to smile like that? She took a deep breath. Then exhaled. "TELL ME EVERYTHING!." The little mare yelled, her voice reaching an almost scream when she spoke. Celestia simply smiled. "He can't tell you EVERYTHING Twilight, I still need him for later on today." Twilight let out a small squeak oh my Christ, that's adorable. "sorry princess." Twilight mumbles, slightly embarrassed. Celestial kept her warm smile. "It's fine twilight, you can still ask him questions, just make them count we only got about one and a half hours with you." I winched ONLY?! I tried not to groan once again. "Ooh this is going to be so exciting! Ok, my first question is..... where are you from?!" And with that, hours of questions such as "What's your species?" And more painful, awkward ones like "how do you reproduce?" Were answered. Celestia seemed to in enjoy me being uncomfortable when answering THOSE a little to much.... Why me? 1 hour later. After she had no more questions, and I had no more answers. She decided to stop with asking me things and we started to talks about who we were. I found out she was the element of magic, and she found out I was a guy who got drunk and lost in a forest. i know, I'm not important, she is. You don't have to rub it in my face. Dick. Celestial looked at the time and sighed softly. "Ok twilight, I think that's anough questions for today, Nate still needs to meet the other elements before the day is over." She said. Twilight looked a little sad. Her eyes widened a little bit. But didn't say anything to her. i wonder if cuteness can be weaponized.... my thoughts were cut off. "Come Nate, the next pony we will meet will be the element of honesty, she lives on a farm. It's A little bit of a walk, but we should be there shortly." She said opening the door. I stood up and walked towards the door as well. Twilight called out to us. "Bye princess! Bye Nathan!" (yes, Nathan's my full name.) and with that we set out. "Princess, where is the farm?" I question looking to my left. "Oh silly me, I forgot to tell you. Her farm is over by Sweet Apple acres." She continued "it's almost impossible to miss, with the hundreds of apple trees." She finished speaking. "Ok" was my simple reply, as I continued to follow her down the path. "I don't know why you asked me were it was.... I would be guiding you there." She pointed out. "Oh. I just wanted to know where we are going. I was just curious." I explained. "Solid point." She spoke. And with that, We started to make are way closer to Sweet Apple Acres. And then I realized something... "Sweet Apple Arces? Are you fucking kidding me?"
