The Cosmonaut Chronicles
By: Steel Striker
Prologue: Mayday
Location: Space Shuttle, Somewhere in the Lower Thermosphere, Earth’s Outer Atmosphere, Earth
Date: 19 November 2021
Time: 23:32:14 International Space Time
Objective: Link up with I.S.S. for refuel; Take inventory of ballistics experiment materials
I look myself over one last time before I brush my teeth and stop hogging up the bathroom. My arms and legs were bulky and powerful. Tattoos were scattered across my upper body, matched on my left leg by a coiled rattlesnake, ready to strike. Don’t tread on me! My torso is the selling point though, definite abs and proportionate build. The training that I went through made U.S. Navy SEAL training look like daycare.
“(Hey Alexi! Are you done in there yet?),” my friend and comrade, Yuri asked/yelled at me in Russian.
My toothbrush kept getting caught on my more than prominent canines. “(Yeah, I'm just about to get out! Why?!?)” I yelled back. Launch in T-Minus 5…4…3…2…1…Ignition…
“(I thought I told you pricks to stop shouting!!)” Kamarov screams at both of us. Liftoff! We have Liftoff!
And this is where the insults start to fly around like MiG Fighters. I wonder how the Americans are going to deal with us. They’ll be stuck with us for a whole six-to-eight months.
Oh, how rude of me. My name is Alexi Vadim Makarov. I’m ex-Spetsnaz, I can lift objects twice my body mass, run twice as fast as the average infantryman, and can kill a man with one hand while defusing a bomb with the other. My teeth, along with my blood red eyes, would give Stephenie Meyer a nightmare. I'm a real fucking vampire.
Also, I am currently on a shuttle that is headed towards the moon. Yeah, you read that right: that goddamned nightlight in the sky!
You see, the United States had built a fully operational base there in 2018, but had only started to station their “astronauts” there in January of 2020. Then, by the power of the “Outer Space Treaty” (yes, the ancient sheet of paper from 1967), all of the countries of the United Nations gained access to Moon Base Alpha by June of 2021. Now, you must be thinking: “This guy must be a physicist/chemist/botanist or something!” Not even close, I’m actually an expert marksman who can shoot rifles accurately upside down or at any other angle. Hell, I didn’t even go to school a single day in my life! (Unless you count the Gulag that I spent my entire childhood in.) Back in my home in the Siberian Wasteland, any learning I got came from either cleaning my collection of over 200 firearms and weapons from around the world, owning n00bs on Call of Duty, or surviving endless hordes of the undead on Zombies Mode.
Now, “Why did they send you on that outer space mission if you weren’t even a scientist?” Well, from what they told me, it’s because, lack of book learning aside, I am able calculate the exterior ballistics of a .338 Lapua Magnum heading towards a target that is 2.5 kilometers from the rifle. And that’s on a rainy day!
Also, “How are the scientists going to be able to understand you if you’re Russian?” Well, when I was in that hell camp, my “instructor” taught me to speak Russian as my primary language. About midway through my teaching, we received a Scottish, a German and an American to work with us. They always seemed to get themselves into trouble, and were constantly being beat into submission. During our breaks, I would sneak them food and water while the guards weren’t looking. In return; they taught me English (well, Scottish-English and American/English actually), German, hand-to-hand combat and the art of stealth. That last one is pretty handy when you’re sneaking food to the three most hated men in the “prison”. I was often put with the women in the camp to help them with their work as well, considering my status in the Gulag. God, I miss them all already.
“Ey Makarov!” I had gotten lost in my thoughts until Kamarov’s shout had snapped me back to reality.
“Da?”
“(We’re about to reach International Space Station for refuel and we need to take inventory of our equipment. Can you get the firearms and ammo?)”
“(Yeah, I’ll get right on it!)”
I was left in charge of checking the weapons and ammo (as that is my field of expertise). It requires a lot of concentration, but it does help that I have an A.I. that is like my personal helper. But, he’s kind of an asshole.
“Epsilon,” I beckoned to my computerized companion (unfortunately, the guy's an asshole).
“*yawn* Yeah? What do you want?” he replies in his iconic, ultra-realistic voice.
“I need you to take inventory. What weapons and sights are we packing, and how much ammo do we have for each one?”
“Ah, let’s see. Yeah, m-hmm, m-hmm. We are currently carrying an Mk. 14 EBR, an FN-SCAR Mk. 20 SSR, an AWM L115A3, an M82A1 AMR, a Remington MSR, an M4A1 with SOPMOD attachments, a Kalashnikov AK-47 and AK-74u, two suppressed Kriss Vector CQBs, a suppressed UMP-45, a suppressed H&K MP5K, a Kel-Tec KSG-12, a Benelli M1014, an 8-gauge Chiappa Triple Crown, your personal Desert Eagles and AMT AutoMag Vs, two AN/PVS-14 MNVD sights, two ACOGs, three EOTech 553 Holo sights, three variable zoom scopes, sound suppressors for the various calibers that we are carrying and enough ammunition to last us for two zombie apocalypses.”
“Would it have killed them to pack more Russian arms? But still, talk about armed to the-…”
I was cut off by the sound of the airlock hissing. It should only do that when someone is taking the……oh crap.
“Epsilon, was that the escape pod?”
“Uh, yeah. Wh…oh no.”
I floated to the control console to see a lot of flashing red lights. Usually, red and flashing is not good. At least, that’s what I got out of my training course.
“Epsilon, what’s going on?”
“Looks like the shuttle’s self destruction sequence has been activated. Access code: Yankee-Kilo-Five-Niner-Delta”
I sigh, “Dammit, Yuri. Why did you do this to me?”
“30 seconds to self-destruct.” Says the shuttles computer.
New Objective: GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE!!!
“Epsilon, what options do we have?”
“Either we take it like champs and die, or we put ourselves in the giant crate of equipment with the possibility of landing safely on Earth.”
“Estimated trajectory and landing coordinates?”
“With corrections from the shuttle’s angle, we should be landing somewhere in the Black Forest. Estimated chances of survival are 33.3%.”
Not many good options to choose from, are there?
“15 seconds to self-destruct.”
Fuck this. “Equipment crate it is then.”
Hypothetically, the Mk. IV Heavy-Duty Equipment Crate was designed to withstand a direct hit from a GBU-39 Small Diameter Bomb, heat protection from temperatures up to 3100ºF and a failsafe parachute in-case of atmospheric re-entry. The shuttle’s self-destruct blast is approximated to the force of a DRDO Smart Anti-Airfield Weapon. So Epsi and I are really pushing our luck in using the E-Crate to protect us from the blast and the supposed impact. That’s why I put on my space suit on: just in case any holes appear in the crate.
“I hope this works.” I was seriously having my doubts about this plan.
“Five…Four…Three…Two…One.”
I heard the enormous ‘BOOM’ before I felt the shockwave. The various boxes and crates rattled as they strained against their ropes. When I saw that there weren’t any breaches in the crate, and that I was securely strapped in for the ride, I let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, I heard a snap was knocked unconscious by a flying ammo canister.
Because life hates me like that..
On the the ground below, a young princess looks at the stars above with a focused, concentrated look. As she gazes, she witnesses a large explosion just outside of the thermosphere. As she observes the event, she notices a rapidly falling object heading towards the forest surrounding her town. Then, the thing quickly slows down and seems to float down towards the forest. Panicked, she calls for her assistant to take a letter for her.
Dear Princess Celestia …
Author's Note
First off: This is my first ever fanfic that I have decided to post. A couple of others that I wrote on paper weren’t worthy of this site. Just take my word for it.
Secondly: Several artists and their works inspired me to write this fic. The list is only a few of those: Duelist96, Flammenwerfer, WolfBlood, Kkat, TheIdealist33 and several others that will be listed in the blog.
Thirdly: The next chapter will include Stella Sabre, an OC that is the creation of Flammenwerfer. So there will be Scotisms and cursing and lewd jokes, Oh my!
Fourthly: There will be tons of references to DOOM, Red v. Blue, RWBY, TeamFourStar, classic films and literature (Gone with the Wind, Jekyll and Hyde, tons of others), various fanfic nods, awesome music and EPIC FIGHT SCENES throughout the fic. So, strap in and get comfy.
Lastly: I am open to any suggestions that you lovely readers may have. Post in the comments what you may think. Also, I may include your OCs in the story if you comment those.
Wait, Stella Sabre’s going to be here?
Da, why?
This is going to be fun. Heh-heh.
*in undertone* Oh God, what have I done?
I believe that mistakes have been made on your part.
Hello, Morgan Freeman.
Hello, Mr. Striker.
Mr. Striker was my father. My name is Steel Striker
Chapter 1: New Worlds, Meeting Leaders, Timberwolves, Demons and New Beginnings
The Sun’s Spetsnaz
By: Steel Striker
Chapter 1: New Worlds, Meeting Leaders, Timberwolves, Demons and New Beginnings
Alexi’s P.O.V.
Dream Void
Blackness.
That was all I could see. Just an empty void of darkness. No light, no familiar places, just a dark plane of existence. I was pulled from my thoughts by a booming voice that seemed familiar, like I had heard it before.
“There's no time. Your brother will help you on your journey. He will help destroy those who will stand in your way.”
I was about to interject, but he kept speaking.
“They are Rage. Brutal. Without Mercy. But you. You will be worse. Rip and Tear, until it is done.” I was just about to ask what he meant, but was soon brought back to the land of the living.
Location: Unknown
Date: 20 November 2021
Time: Approx. 09:22:52
Objectives: Establish temporary base of operations; Secure perimeter around “base”; Scout surrounding landscape; Self-defense Protocol Three authorized
I awoke upside-down to the very annoying beeping noise of the alarm, which was supposed to notify us if there was a breach in any of the walls. Let me tell you: after reentry, that is not a fun way to start the day.
“Safe gravitational force detected. Releasing physical restraints.”
“Ah Crap.” Was the only thought I could muster before I was dropped on my head. Seriously, not a good way to start the day.
“Ugh. Epsilon, status report. Please?”
“There’s multiple hull breaches, but we should be fine since we’re back on solid ground. Most of the research equipment is severely damaged, the weapons and ammo are still intact, the water is still potable and the food is in good condition (or, as good as MREs will ever be).”
“Heh, isn’t that the truth?”
I got off of my sorry ass and opened the hatch to go outside. We were in a forest, yes, but not where Epsi said we would land. We were in the middle of a small clearing of a forest, but something was off. The shadows were too dark and the canopy too thick for it to be the Black Forest.
“Epsilon, where are we? ‘Cause this isn’t the Black Forest.” I say as I take off my space suit and replace it with one of my old Spetsnaz ACUs (I can’t believe they let me keep them. Then again, I had to get them custom fitted due to my body size).
“Yeah. No shit, Sherlock. My GPS isn’t getting any feedback. Any suggestions?”
“I thought you were supposed to be the smart one.” I pointed out, sarcastically.
“Ha ha. I’m sorry about my limitations. I can only do so much before short circuiting.”
“Wait, do we have any drones in our inventory?”
“Yeah, we have four GUDs, three Dragonflies and two Falcons. The others were damaged by the crash.”
“The crash? I thought the chutes would have deployed.”
“They did. But they were only designed to withstand so much force. So the ropes snapped after the chute slowed us down for about thirty seconds. After that, we tumbled down a hill and landed in this clearing.”
“Great. Not only was I betrayed by my country, but they gave me faulty equipment just in case I was smart enough to take the crate down. At least my Peavey and bass are okay. Deploy a Falcon drone, please.”
“Already on it, Makarov.”
And with that, I grabbed one of the four mini spy planes we had brought on the mission and threw it up, which then whirred to life and took to the sky. These weren’t any old R/C plane drones, though. These were Mk. XIX Falcon Internal-Prop Reconnaissance Drones. With each 0.45-meter wing having the ability to angle from 90 to 25 degrees, a max speed of 240 km/h and a weight of 17.82 pounds, they were specifically designed for gathering information from their surroundings and escaping quickly from enemy positions.
“Epsilon, can you pull up the video feed?” I requested.
“Yeah, I'm displaying her on the crate terminal for you.”
Each drone was equipped with a 4K advanced video camera that sends a live recording to a central terminal. Falcon_1 and Falcon_2 were too damaged to take off effectively, while Falcon_3 was on standby. The feed for the Falcon_4 (5H4D0W) was coming in strong and clear. She flew Dead-West until a village came into view.
She spotted a cottage with a large variety of animals around, and inside, the little house. After about five minutes, some…thing came out of the home. It was anthromorphic and appeared to be female (having some obvious and…enticing features that were worthy of a nose bleed). She was wearing an oversized green sweater and pink sweatpants. From what wasn’t covered, she seemed to have butter yellow fur, long light-pink hair and (get this) a tail of the same color as her hair. The most bizarre trait that I saw was that she had an equine-like muzzle instead of a flat face, like mine. She also had wings of the same color as her fur sprouting out of her back. The “mare” soon took notice of the drone and quickly retreated into her house. I sat at the terminal for a second, contemplating what I saw.
“Epsilon?” I called out.
“Yeah?” he answered.
“Am I hallucinating?”
“No. I saw it too.”
“What exactly was ‘it’?”
“I haven’t the slightest fucking clue.”
5H4D0W flew to the actual town and started orbiting the central plaza. With that, I saw more anthropony things, or whatever the hell they’re called. As soon as I saw them, I just gave up on finding out an explanation. Because, “fuck it” and I don’t want to have a killer migraine like the ones I get when I use my brain too much.
“Aren’t you going to question what the hell they are?”
“I’d rather not end up with a headache, thank you.”
5H4D0W soon began to survey the rest of the town. She spotted a bakery (I could tell because it looked like an ‘effing gingerbread house), a bowling alley, a flower shop (the three “mares” that seemed to run said shop fainted as soon as they saw the drone), a hospital, a gym and the town hall. She was approaching a tree that looked as if it were crystal and also a castle when, suddenly, the video was tinted a light shade of lavender and begun to spiral out of control.
“Crap. Epsi, can you give me manual controls?” I quickly asked.
“Yeah, here you go.”
One of the creatures was inspecting 5H4D0W when I obtained control, only this one was purple and had a horn on her head AND wings. Without hesitation, I took off and flew 5H4D0W towards our “camp” in the forest. The rearview camera showed a golden-furred male thing with wings chasing me, and catching up quickly.
So you want to play Follow the Leader? Alright then. Let’s play.
I started taking 5H4D0W through the town, making sporadic turns and going through market stalls and using every evasive maneuver in the book (the book is actually pretty lengthy). Then, seeing that I wasn’t shaking him, I decided to use the emergency maneuver. I angled her wings to 45 degrees and started flying straight vertical. As he followed, I saw that he was getting tired. This is when I angled my wings to 25 degrees, stalled out and began my nose dive. The stallion(?) followed me down, expecting to use this change in position to his advantage. He was sorely mistaken indeed. I used the air brakes and extended my wings to slow down and pull up to avoid the crash. The “stallion” didn’t fare as well as I did, he landed face-first and ate a trail of dirt as well. After that, I switched the flight mode to auto-pilot and the rest of the flight back went without incident.
“You cut it pretty close back there, didn’t you?”
“The drone made it, didn’t it?”
“That’s not the point, dumbass. We only have one more of that kind of drone that still functions. Plus-”
We were then cut off by the beeping proximity sensors that Epsilon must have deployed while I was busy with spamming aileron rolls and vertical stalls. Expecting the worst, I put on my steel and Kevlar bulletproof vest. Then I started to pre-load every weapon in the inventory.
“Epsilon, what’s coming at us?” I asked as I grabbed my M1014 and started to load seven 12-guage shells into the under-port. I also grabbed my two personal Desert Eagles, Jekyll and Hyde (Jekyll is a shiny silver while Hyde is a blackout), and loaded the .50 A.E. magazines into their respected owners. I loaded one in each chamber, then holstered both hand cannons onto my hips. Let’s face it, there’s no kill like overkill. And there's no such thing as overkill.
“We got about fifteen, wait, make that twenty hostiles. Ten are airborne, five are on the ground and five just popped out of nowhere. ETA ten seconds.”
“Well then, I’ll be sure to give them a proper Russian welcome.” I said as I loaded a shell into her chamber with a satisfying *CLICK CLACK* “Wait, where did I put my vodka?”
3rd Person P.O.V.
After she received the letter from her student about a strange object that floated down from above, and then another about a small flying machine with an advanced camera, Celestia wasted no time in gathering a platoon of unicorns, ponies and pegasi to accompany her and to investigate what they might find. She had her halberd, Solar Flare, with her; but she would rather try to peacefully negotiate with whomever, or whatever, was there.
“Permission to speak, Princess?” one the Thestral guards requested.
“Permission granted, First-Lieutenant Sabre.” The wary princess suddenly took notice of her lieutenant.
“I would advise that you leave the apprehension to us. We don’t know what is there or what ruckus it’s capable of making. Before you know it, this could turn into a clusterfuck in less than half of a second. And that wouldn’t be a right sight to see.”
Celestia seemed to contemplate her choices for a moment, but was suddenly interrupted by her sister who teleported right next to the unsuspecting sun mare.
“I hope you didn’t plan on starting the festivities without me.”
“Confound it, Luna! You almost gave me a heart attack.”
Luna just chuckles, “With ‘almost’ being the key word of the phrasing, Tia.”
“Whatever Luna. Stella, use of deadly force will only commence when I give the word. Understood?”
Stella saluted in approval, although she wasn’t too keen on the restriction of force. But hey, orders are orders. Especially those that come from the Princess. She went to her platoon to give them their standing orders.
“Alright ya twats, listen here! When the princess gives us the right, we will use and force necessary to defend ourselves! Do ya wankers understand?” She kept her voice low as to not give away their position.
“MA’AM, YES MA’AM!” the soldiers silently shouted in confirmation.
“Alright then, ya nitwits. Let’s move out!”
And so they started their ambush, only to find a strange creature with a strange metal object pointed at them with one hand and an empty shot glass in the other
Oh, fucking shite in Tartarus. Stella thought to herself.
Alexi’s P.O.V.
Location: Unknown Forest Clearing
Date: 20 November 2021
Time: Approx. 15:01:00
Objectives: Negotiate peacefully; Deadly force is authorized if deemed necessary; Survive
I heard the (what would have been) ambushers before they jumped out at me. I have to say, I was impressed by their stealth until the silent screaming. I had just downed my vodka when they jumped out. I just had Mia (my M1014) pointed at them and a look on my face that said, “You dun goofed.” They all had crossbows pointed at my chest and the only places that weren’t armored: my legs and face. I threw down my shot glass and gripped tightly on my shotgun, shouting submission commands in Russian (I forgot how to English).
“Otboy! Otboy! Polozhite oruzhiye vniz! (Stand down! Stand down! Put your weapons down!)”
There was a lot of incoherent shouting going around as we tried to verbally force each other into submission. There was a white creature, about 6’9” with wings and a horn. It was a female (How could I tell? DAT AZZ and DEM BOOBZ), her mane looked like a fucking rainbow and seemed to move with a nonexistent wind. There was another one like her, only she looked to be 6’6”, was a deep blue and had an ethereal, dark blue mane with pinpricks of white (like stars in the night s-…really? Really?). They seemed to be in charge of this operation, but there was a lot of yelling coming from a particular mare (I'm just accepting these things at this point) who seemed to be their second-in-command. What was strange about her was that, instead of all of the feathery wings that were on all of the towns folk who had them, she had leathery wings. Like those of of a bat. She then shouted a very familiar obscenity.
“What the ever-loving fuck is this twattin’ prick shouting!?!”
I soon came to realize that she was shouting a Scotism. And then, being the right-fucking-tit that I was, I decided to join the fun.
“Wait, TIME-OUT!!!” This outburst seemed to shut them all up. “Let’s cut the fucking bull shite. Can we please stop tittin’ ‘round like a bunch of twattin’ pricks? Pretty please?”
“Wait,” this seemed to calm her down a significant amount. “What the fuck did you just say?”
“I asked if we could stop dicking about like a bunch of sodders.”
“That’s what I thought you said.” She then walks over to me, squinting her yellow eyes (huh, I just noticed their color). She looks me over (or does her best considering her head only coming up to my eyes. I clock her in at about 5’11”), then playfully slugs me good and hard on the arm. “Well why didn’t you start off like that? Geez, I thought we were going ta haf ta skewer ya until ya turned into Swiss Cheese.”
I just chuckle, “I believe you mean the awful shit with all the holes in it?”
“You don’t like Swiss either?”
“Nyet. Too oily for my Russian tongue, but I wouldn’t turn down a slice of Munster if you offered.”
“No shite? Heh, I thought I was the only one. What were ya drinkin’ back there before the voice contest?”
“Just a bit of Russian Hospitality in a bottle.”
She just looked at me with a face that said, “Da fuq is dis guy talkin’ ‘bout?”
I just sighed, “Vodka. It was vodka.”
“Is that alcohol?”
“*sigh* Yes. And it’s pretty strong too.”
“What volume does it got in it?”
“This bottle has…70% by volume. Huh, a bit weaker that I thought. But anyway, what brings you to my humble abode?”
“We received a disturbance report and were called to fuck shit up if it went to all…”
“That’s enough, Stella.” At this moment, the white winged unicorn thing stepped forward as if to show herself as in charge (I had already figured this out. I HAZ KNOW LOGIC!!) “*ahem* Greetings Russian…That is how you referred to yourself, correct?”
I nodded my head, “Yeah. I'm from Russia, so that makes me a Russian.”
“I am Princess Celestia: primary ruler of Equestria, land of the ponies.”
“Wait. Wut? Where?”
“Equestria,” she reiterates. She then gestures to the deep blue creature, “This is my sister, Princess Luna: Ruler of the Night. Now who, and…what exactly might you be?”
I clear my throat; “*ahem* Your Majesties…,” I say as I begin to bow.
“Please,” she gestures me to rise. “There is no need for such formalities.”
I slowly rise, as not to antagonize their guards further than I have already. “*ahem* I am Alexi Makarov. But please, call me Alex. As to what I am, I’m a human. Otherwise known as a Homo sapiens sapiens, or ‘wise, wise man’. I am also extremely confused. Where on the glorious planet Earth am I?”
“This planet isn’t ‘Earth’, this is Equis.” Luna states. “Are you from this ‘Earth’ that you speak of?”
“Yes. Now I am no longer confused, but I do have a killer migraine now." I clutch my head, "Aaaaaaarrrrrghh! Epsilon?”
Epsi’s hologram appears, which surprised every…pony(?) in the clearing; “Aww, and here I was beginning to think that you forgot about me.”
“Not now, asshole. Can you please dispense the liquid Aspirin injector?”
A hypodermic needle injector dispenses from one of the mechanized crates. I grab the needle and, with one fluid motion, stick the needle into my vein and drive the plunger home.
Ow. That smarts pretty good.
How badly does it hurt? A motherly voice asks me in my head.
It hurts enough fo-. My thought is cut short as I realize who is in my head. I shudder and confront the culprit.
“Please, Celestia. For the love of all that I hold dear: do NOT do that without my consent. I’m crazy enough as it is.”
Celestia just looks at me, “And how is…”
We were cut off by a group of creatures that jumped into the clearing from the surrounding overgrowth. There were seven wolf-like creatures that looked to be made of wood. They had glowing yellow eyes, sharp claws and long teeth. Tia looked as if she was just caught in the shower (hmmmmmmm…no. No! Bad Makarov! Stay focused).
“Timberwolves!” shouted Tia. Hearing their names, I gave her the ultimate look of disapproval. “What?” she asked me.
“Seriously? Timberwolves? That’s the best you could come up with?”
“It was either that or Wood Dogs.”
“*sigh* Timberwolves it is then. Hmm. I could take ‘em on.”
Tia just looks at me gob-smacked, “You can’t be serious.”
“No silly, I'm Alexi Makarov! Hah! Dad Jokes.”
“Their saliva is extremely venomous and their claws can rip through iron. There’s no chance that you’ll survive!”
I look down to hide my face, “Really? Really?”
“Really.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Really?!” I throw my head to look at her with an evil smile on my face.
“Really!”
One of the Tree-nines bluntly swiped at Stella; the mare that I was having a good, Scottish conversation with. But she wasn’t fast enough.
I could only look on in horror as she was knocked into the side of one of the smaller equipment crates, leaving a decently sized dent in the aluminum wall. I turn my head to face the fucker who swiped at her. All I felt was rage, hatred, and bloodlust. And there’s only one way that I could think of to vent out all three at once.
“I’d stand back if I were you.”
“What?!” Celestia looked as if she had been punched. “You’re insane!”
“You want to see insane?” I just chuckle, “Watch this. Epsilon, play Jekyll & Hyde for me. Nik, why don’t we show them what we’ve got. Level 5 Clearance control granted until all hostile forces have been neutralized.” I feel a familiar burning sensation over the left side of my face as it turns a bit darker than the rest of my skin.
“I thought You’d never ask. Let’s do this.” My alternate self replies as I crack my knuckles.
Luna just looks at me confused, “Wait, what art thou meaning?!”
“Heh heh. Nice choice, Nikolai.”
New Objectives: Eliminate all Timberwolves; Look totally badass while doing it
As the intro begins, I let Mia hang downwards from her sling with her handle within arms reach (bow chicka bow wow), pull out my Jekyll & Hyde and let my arms hang loose at my sides. As the kick drum sets the tempo, I start walking to the beat towards the wolf that struck Stella. I reach him just as the intro ends, then proceed to shove the barrel onto the side of his head with Hyde, and I fire off a round just as the chorus starts.
BOOM!
Wood fragments, green tree sap and grey matter explode from the side of his skull as the custom .50 AE hollow-point tears him two brand new eye sockets. The others jump from the sound of the super magnum going off. I then look back at the platoon with a smile that would make Alucard proud. Just then, two of the Timberwolves decided to attack me simultaneously. I just turned to them and shot them with the duo as their individual names were mentioned in the chorus. One then tried to attack me from behind, but I just back-flipped like a BOSS; leaving the Timberwolf to bite nothing but dirt (my Oakley sunglasses fell off in the process, but those weren’t important at the moment). In the air; I holster Hyde, grab Mia, then deliver the buckshot to his head via The Gunpowder Express. The pellets find their target, leaving nothing but a mutilated neck stump. As I land, I put Mia away and redraw Hyde so that he could play with his alter ego.
As the second verse begins, I climb to the top of the crate and insert fresh magazines into both personas. This bores me, I thought. Let’s step it up a bit.
“Epsilon, deploy Riot Control please.”
“Sure thing, Nik.”
The KSG-12 launches into the air. I run to the edge of the crate and jump off as far and high as I could. I catch the beautiful boom-stick and pump it midair. I use an unsuspecting Timberwolf as a landing pad, squeezing off a solid slug into the bastard’s head as the chorus starts again. His buddy tries to swipe at me with each paw, but I Matrixed the fuck out of that shit; twice (is that even possible?). As I'm bent backwards, I shoot a round into his chest; sending me and Woody flying backwards (only he’s now dead. Sucker). I skid to a halt on my back, coming to a stop at Tia’s feet (shame she wasn’t wearing a skirt…dammit Alex, there you go again). She just gives me the “I'm judging you” look.
“What?” I ask, getting back on my feet.
“Oh nothing,” she says playfully. “Just waiting for you to put your foot in your mouth.”
“Sorry, I don’t do that kind of kinky shit.” I retort as I brush myself off. That comeback turns her white face beet-red as, what I assumed as, a naughty thought ran through her head. I just laughed, but the sound of growling reminds me of my objective. I look at Tia’s halberd and come up with an idea. “Mind if I borrow that?” Before she can respond, I have the Sun Princess’ blade in my hand. I found that it was surprisingly light for its size, “Thank you!”
I stick the thin, spear end into the side of a tree as hard as I could. The halberd impales the tree with a loud *thunk*, with the axe end (ha-ha) facing out at 45-degrees from horizontal. The last Timberwolf was, perhaps, the largest of the group. The Alpha sure didn’t appreciate me killing his pack. But quite frankly, I didn’t give a damn. I put Riot Control on my back, putting up my fingerless-gloved fists. The cedar canine let out a low growl, as if to say, “you’re going to die”.
“Bring it on, you lumbering mongrel. Heh, that was bad.”
Whether or not he understood me, I have no clue. But my words seemed to set him off. He charged me at full speed (90…100 km/h at most), which was a big mistake on his part. When he was about six meters from me, I stepped aside to reveal the halberd in the tree. His eyes widened as he tried to stop, but he wasn’t fast enough. The blade pierces his chest and sticks out from his back as the song ends. Seeing his struggle for life, I decide to show him mercy. I pull out Mia and put the end of the barrel to his head. But I say a blessing before I end it, “Vereor te pro hoste habiturum. Spiritus tuus pacem.” Somehow, he understands this and nods his head once as if to say ‘thank you’. I pull the trigger, simultaneously ending his life and suffering.
My work here is done. Farewell for now, brother. Nikolai said as I felt him recede back into his corner of my mind. I look back at the platoon with a dumb smile on my face.
“So, *huff* enjoy the show?” I ask shortly before falling to my knees. I soon feel a soul-shattering pain on my chest after my adrenaline starts to fade away. I look down and see that the Timberwolf that swiped at me had actually cut my chest open through the bulletproof armor. I just looked back at Tia with surprise. “Huh. Man, you weren’t kidding about the claw part. Heh-heh.” I chuckle before I pass out due to shock.
Celestia’s P.O.V.
“Huh. Man, you weren’t kidding about the claw part. Heh-heh.” Alexi chuckled as if it were a mosquito bite. After that, he fainted due to the pain from his injuries. I ran over to him quickly, even though he wasn’t one of our assets. His sunglasses were lying next to him, but I would deal with those later.
“Get a medic over here!” My sister was quick to the point; I’ll give her that, but the option she chose wasn’t good enough.
“Luna, one medic isn’t enough for this wound. He needs a hospital, NOW!” I said, emphasizing the urgency.
“But, the closest hospital…”
“…Is within flying distance. You we cannot teleport from the Everfree. Even if we’re in a clearing.”
“Yes, but who…”
Forget this! I thought as I took to the skies, cradling Alexi in my arms. He kept mumbling, like he was trying to tell me something.
I just shushed him, “Save your strength. I'm taking you to a hospital, soon you’ll be put under and you won’t feel the pain anymore.”
“What…chem…?” he asked me weakly.
“You'll be put under with Ketamine.”
He grabs my shoulder to get my attention, “No…ket……toxic…”
“What?” I was genuinely confused. All Equestrians were put under with ketamine. But then I remembered that he wasn’t a pony, he was…hyooman…I think that’s what he said. So now I can understand why I would be toxic to him. He kept muttering like a dream talker. Finally, he said something that caught my attention.
“Spetsnaz…Russia…must…protect…home…” He opened his eyes as he said this, and I noticed their color for the first time. His irises were blood red, like he was a demon or a vampire.
What in Equis is ‘Spetsnaz’? And why does that seem important? Those questions could wait until he woke up. We had just arrived at the hospital, and Alex was only getting worse. He started coughing up blood and mucus. I burst into the hospital doors, ignoring the ponies bowing to me.
“DOCTOR!” I called with my Canterlot Voice. Soon, a brown stallion came to the front.
“Your Highness…” he began to bow, but stopped when he saw Alex in my arms. He immediately understood and gestured me to place him on the crash-cart. He began to push him as fast as he could. “CLEAR THE O.R. AT ONCE!! WE HAVE A CODE FOUR! REPEAT! A CODE FOUR!!”
I tried to follow, but a nurse stopped me from advancing. “I'm sorry, princess, but you can’t be in the O.R.”
“But I have crucial information. He can’t be given the Ketamine. It’s like a poison to him, he said.”
The nurse’s eyes widened as she realized the importance of this information that I gave her. She then took off to get to the doctor. “DOC! DOC!! DON’T USE THE KETAMINE!! HE’S A CLASS SIX!!”
I was left there in the lobby, silently crying as I awaited the fate of the newcomer.
“I pray to Mother that he will be alright.”
Alexi’s P.O.V.
The Dream Scape
Like i mentioned before, my life likes to be a total dick to me. Now, it's doing that in my dream. 'How?' you may ask. Well, I ended up back in the hell hole that I was raised up in. I was back in Mertvyye Zemli.
I had hoped to never see that place again, but here was life pissing on me. First I get sliced open by a tree, and now I see the hell hole I grew up in. Fan-fucking-tastic. It’s as if life is trying to convince me to commit suicide. But, that will never happen.
I was about to walk in when the scene changed. I was now standing in an open plain, which looked to be carpeted with corpses and blood. Suddenly, a coffin rises from a mound of bodies. On the cover, there was a white cross and an inscription:
The Bird of Hermes is My Name, Eating My Wings to Keep Me Tame
I felt like I should know those words and the coffin on which it was inscribed, but nothing came to mind when I though about it. I was about to ask what he meant, when the voice from my first dream spoke.
“Please, remember who you are. They are coming to kill you and everyone who is an ally to you. You have no time. Please, my son, try to remember.”
I was then pulled from the dream back into consciousness.
Conscious Reality
Location: Possible Medical Facility, Equestria
Date: 21 November 2021
Time: 09:11:07 Local Time
Objectives: Assess damages; Establish contact with Princess Celestia; Commence debriefing of events.
I awoke in a hospital room: white sheets, white bed, white pillow, greenish blanket, beige walls and tiled floors. The first thing I noticed was that my chest was bandaged.
Oh. Right. Well it wasn’t a dream and it actually happened. Good God, did I actually do that to a Timberwolf?
I was temporarily blinded by a reflection of light. When I looked towards the direction of the glare, I saw a cell phone on my bedside table with a note next to it.
Dear Alexi,
I hope that you are still alive. If so, then here is a phone with my number already in it. Please call me as soon as you awaken.
Sincerely,
P. Celestia
The phone looked like a standard Galaxy S7. I had my IPhone in my pocket, so I just transferred the phone number to my phone. Besides the explosive tendencies of the battery, all of my music was on my IPhone. I called the number per instruction.
Riiiiing…Riiiiing…Riii-
“Hello?” Celestia asks.
“To speak to Alexi Makarov, please press 1.” I said in monotone just to toy with her. What happened next was hilariously unexpected.
BOOP.
“HOH MY GOD! I didn’t think that you’d actually do it! HA-HA-HA!”
“Who is this?”
“You pressed the 1 key, right?”
…
…
“*sigh* Dammit.”
“You got trolled so hard. So, what are you doing at the moment?”
“I'm getting ready to disintegrate you.” Her voice suddenly comes from behind me.
I immediately jump from the voice while turning towards it. “JAYSUS!! Don’t do that! God! You almost killed me!”
“It was your turn to be ‘trolled’.” She says whilst smiling.
“Yeah, Karma was bound to shoot me in the foot for that one.”
“Speaking of shooting,” she walks towards me. When she's within arms reach, she slaps me across the face.
“AH! Okay! Owww?!”
“That was for scaring me! I don’t want lives lost on my watch. You almost dying worried me to Tartarus.”
“I think we need to start over from the beginning,” I say, trying to wipe the slate clean. “Hello, my name is Alexi Makarov. But since I'm trying to make a friend here, you can call me Alex.”
“Wait,” Celestia looks confused. “You want to have me as a friend?”
“I'm trying, at least. Besides, that’s my first step to a fresh start.” I say as I extend my hand to her.
“I am Princess Celestia. But since we are now friends, you may call me Tia.” She takes my hand and shakes it. After we release, she looks at me as if I pissed her off, “Anyways, what were you thinking, taking on six Timberwolves and then the Alpha!?!”
I looked away before I answered, “As a Spetsnaz operative, you are trained to asses the events taking place around you and take action accordingly. I saw a threat, friendly lives at stake, and an injured comrade.” I looked back at Tia, my blood-red irises boring into her magenta ones. “The wrath, the worry, the hatred. Because of those emotions, I snapped. I snapped like a god dammed twig. Did you wonder why Epsilon called me ‘Nikolai’? Nik was the closest I got to an older brother in that hell hole. He was always the violent one of the two of us. When he died during the liberation, he went on to possess me. He only comes out when I allow him to take over my body. And when he does, it’s only until every active threat is neutralized. I'm Yin and he’s Yang. I'm the light, and he's the shadow. I'm Dr. Edward Jekyll, and he's Mr. Hyde. I'm Alexi Makarov, and he's Nikolai Zhatka.”
After I was finished, the room was silent for a solid minute. Then, it was Tia who spoke, “I had no idea. Is that why…” she gestures to my eyes.
“My eye color? Nyet. From what my surrogate family told me, I was born with these.”
“Surrogate Family?”
“You might want to sit down. This is going to take awhile.”
Tia sits in the chair closest to the bed, waiting for me to begin.
“*sigh* Prepare, for what I am about to tell you isn’t for the faint of heart. *ahem* Now, it all began in the winter of 1993. It was one of the coldest winters that there had ever been in the town of Oymyakon, a deadly 60 degrees below centigrade. From what they told me, all work was cut off at the gulag due to poor weather conditions. Cherkhov, the only guard that was an ally to me in that place, had been pulled wall guard. He was patrolling the perimeter when he saw a woven basket in front of the main gate. He looked inside the basket, only to find a sleeping infant. That was me. I was about eight months old. As far as what I have learned, I don’t blame the one who abandoned me.”
Tia looked like she was hit with a lightning bolt, “How could you say that!?!”
“During the years following the dissipation of the U.S.S.R., still Soviet-Russia went through a total reset. There were shortages of food, potable water, and there was rapid inflation to the point that a loaf of bread cost about 300 rubles. To you that’s…what’s your currency?”
“The bit.”
“Can it be divided into cents?”
“Yes.”
“And eight bits to a dollar, da?”
“Yes.”
“So that’s 300 divided by sixty-four, three times sixty-four is one hundred ninety-two, carry the remainder, aaaand. To your currency rates that would chalk up to about four dollars and seventy cents. It may look bad to you, but for us it was much worse. If you had a good job, you’d be making an average of 200 rubles a month. To you, that’s three dollars and thirteen cents a month.”
Celestia was awestruck, “That’s terrible!”
“It was, but I digress. So, Cherkhov finds me and sees a note in the basket. It said: ‘Take good care of my Alexi, for he carries my name: the name of Makarov. I give him to you because I am too much of a danger to him at the moment. There are those that wish him harm. Protect him with all of your abilities.’
“That was it. No name of my parents, address, or signature; just my name. Cherkhov took me into his office and waited for Major Zernov to get back. When he arrived, Cherkhov showed me to him immediately. Zernov then decided on the option no one dared to recommend: he would let the prisoners decide my fate.”
I heard Tia gasp at this.
“Now the most influential prisoner among the males was Nikita Serko. His wife, Israela, was the most influential among the women. They both decided that they would raise me, along with those who didn’t see me as a burden. Other than Cherkhov, that narrowed it down to most of the women along with Israela, Nikita, Drakhov, Vladimir, Nikolai, Kharkov and Sergei the Beast.”
“Wait, Sergei the Beast?” Tia asks me.
“Sergei was seven-foot-five, built like an ox, but was soft-spoken and soft at the heart.”
“Oh, please continue.”
“It would be these that I would come to know as my family. They did everything to protect me, provide for me, teach me and to build up my strength. They did an excellent job of those things. At age five, I could read, write, and speak adequate Russian. It was at this time that we had a Scotsman, a German and an American transfer from Gulag 13. After my family warmed up to them, they agreed to teach me their languages. When I was eight, I could speak, write, read and understand Russian and the other two languages with fluency. My father and my three foreign uncles decided it was time that I learned how to fight. They taught me Krav Maga, Jujitsu, Russian Bear and how to fight with a blade. By age ten, the adult age at Mertvyye Zemli, I could beat up men twice my size.
“Israela and the other women taught me other things. They taught me empathy, literature, poetry, gentleness and feelings. They taught me this so that I wouldn’t just be completely violent; that was Nikolai’s job.
“It was 2010 that the U.N. had enough of the still Soviet Russia’s inhumane policies. They decided to liberate the gulags; they started from the Kamchatka peninsula and worked their way west. By the time they got to Mertvyye Zemli, the Red Army had already fortified the prison camp. As the battle raged on, I decided that I wanted to aid in our freedom. I was seventeen at the time, but I had the wisdom of those who were my elders. Before you could say ‘coal’, all of the men started revolting. Cherkhov even helped by providing us with AK-47s, AK-72s, PPSH-41s and Yldiz Olympias from the armory. Halfway through our revolt, Nikolai was stabbed in the chest by Zernov. As I held my dying brother, he told me his final request: ‘Avenge me and all those that have fallen to his hand.’ After those words, my brother and best friend died right in front of me. I soon had a new feeling within me, it felt very strange. Like I wanted to see nothing but the blood of those who wronged us. This sensation grew until I heard an order from Nikolai in my head: ‘KILL!’
“At this command, I started gunning down every guard in sight. I soon made my way to the room that Zernov was holed up in. I kicked in the door and saw him with one of the townswomen, a shotgun pressed up to her temple. He demanded that I drop the weapon, or he would shoot. I dropped my AK, but I kept the throwing knife up my sleeve. He then threw the woman at me so he could line up a shot with me. Being faster, I jumped aside and threw the knife; which found its new sheath in his throat. I walked up to him and retrieved my blade, leaving him to drown in his own blood.”
“Do you…?” Tia asks.
“Do I regret doing it? Abso-fucking-lutely not. The bastard killed my brothers and sisters, I was just making sure that they would be rightfully avenged. This revolt came with other rewards as well. The Spetsnaz agents that had teamed up with the U.N., along with Polkóvnik Pevtrenko, were all impressed at what we achieved. When they asked the prisoners who had organized the revolt, they all pointed to me. Pevtrenko then asked me if I would like to join the Spetsnaz. With the support of my family, I gladly accepted.
“Little did I know that it would be the start of the hardest eighteen months of my life. But that’s a story for another time.”
There were tears streaming down Celestia’s face as I finished the story. “I never would have guessed. How are you still sane?”
“To be honest, I don’t have a clue. It may have to do with how I was raised, but I can’t be sure. For all I know, it’s a miracle that I still am.”
Then Tia does the unexpected and hugs me, hard (keep in mind that I only come up to her shoulders in my current position. Yes, I was being smothered by the sun goddess). While she was thinking empathy, I was thinking I have died, passed through the void and ascended into Heaven. Then I came to realize that I couldn’t breathe in the Alabaster Valley of Nirvana. “Tia…need…air…”
After I had replenished my oxygen reserve levels, I saw that Celestia’s white face was now pink. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have my own blush. And I couldn’t deny the fact that she was pretty.
Pretty? Major understatement, bro. She’s a goddess; literally and visually.
I blush a bit deeper due to what my brother said, because I knew he wasn’t wrong.
Tia sees this and shuffles in her spot, “Sorry about that.”
I decide to take this down a different path, “Geez, if you want to get into that already, you should at least buy me a drink first.”
The reaction was immediate; she had gone from peach to tomato in less than a second.
“Th-that’s not what I-I meant by that.” Target neutralized.
“I was joking with you. Besides, save it for somebody special that you might find.” I said as I got onto my feet.
“Wait.” Tia asked, “How did you know…?”
“I didn’t. I was only guessing.” I chuckle, “So I know where I am, who you are and what the predominant species is here. Third question of mine is this; is there a way back to my world?”
“There is a way back.” Tia’s flushed face quickly turned to that of sorrow, “You do not wish to stay?”
I chuckled, “Don’t get me wrong, I want to stay here. Besides, we just became friends and this is gonna be a new start for me. But there are certain things from my world that I want here. I want to be able to protect others to the best of my abilities.”
Celestia’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, “You mean…?”
“Yes Tia,” I say with a smirk. “I’ll stay here.”
Author's Note
Stella Sabre is not my OC. She is the creation of Flammenwerfer. Also, there are some TeamFourStar references in there. For future reference, purple bracketed text indicates my input in the story. Why? Because I'm the god of this story. Insert "Deal With It" meme
