It's not my fault I swear.
You know, I never really thought of myself as a trouble maker. I paid my taxes, kept my head down, and tried not to step on any toes. I was as boring as any other guy working at subway. Well at least until some Jerk popped open my dome with his pistol. I'm glad I spit in his meatball sub. And Thusly I was thrust into the World of mysticism that is Equestria. Still even here in Magical Pony Land I was quickly back to being same old boring Anon. Same boring bald head, same green T-shirts, same old crap. Two weeks of telling the ponies of the "wonderful" land of Detroit, her rich history, and majesty. spoon feed then enough of that junk and before I knew itI was back to working in a sandwich shop for minimum wage. Yay.
At least being here in Equestria working at Hayday sandwiches I don't have to deal with that fryer smell. Or Robbie. Or Robbie's smell. Like unwashed armpit and overripe cabbage. Unfortunately I've found something just as annoying, though at least better smelling.
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ARE HERE TO HELP!"
I'm not sure who my God is but I know he or she hates me.
But like every other shmuck working one of these dead end jobs I do my duty. I plaster the biggest, fakest smile I can on my face and try to keep the despair and hopelessness out of my eyes. I don't fool anyone over the age of 15 but luckily I don't need too. just the three little WMD's in front of me.
"Howdy Mr.Anon, can we get a few of them sweetcorn slushes?" Number one, Applebloom. Sweet kid, has the unfortunate habit of Attracting all the sticky syrup within 10 miles to her body. She also has a sister that can kick through a two foot thick wall, so being nice is a good idea.
"And a toy. A AWESOME one!" Number two, Scootaloo, or as I like to call her Crash test dummy. Loud, Brash, and quick to anger. If she was Blonde and a few shades lighter I'd half expect her to scream about being Hokage. Instead I get to hear her yelling about Rainbow Dash constantly. Not sure which is more annoying to hear about honestly.
"If you don't mind please." And Number three, Sweetie Belle. The brains behind the operation and a master of using cute to her advantage. She is obviously the evil one. Though that may just be my Disney bias after seeing that her magic was green. Or the fact that when I first met her sister she hit me with a broom.
"Sure girls! Three sweetcorn slushes, a Wonderbolt dart Watch, and a Hope to see you again!" The things I do for seven bits a day. Still it could be worse. the slushes are quick to come out and the girls are gone quickly. Sure it's only to a back table but I'll take what I can get.
Lucky me most everyone else has slowly drifted out of the building looking for something better to do than sit around stuffing their faces. So it's Just me and the three terrors.
Now from here on I would just like to say what happened was not my fault. I was missing a few pieces of info that probably would have stopped this entire situation from happening.
I had no idea that Starlight's big crime was mostly kept Hush-Hush. Ponies knew she did something bad but had no idea what. That info might have come in handy.
I also had no knowledge of Cutie Mark Overcharge Syndrome. Seems like something that should have come up once or twice in the introduction to equestrian. "Oh by the way Anon, look out for ponies who have ignored their cutie mark or unlocked it late. They can be Manically devoted to doing their special talent."
So I think I can be forgiven for what happened next.
"It's too bad we couldn't help Gabby get a Cutie Mark."
"yea, but it's not like we can just pull em outta thin air scoots."
"Well not unless you're starlight glimmer"
Ok yes. I probably could've kept my mouth shut there, and MAYBE I could have tried harder to resist the Puppy dog eyes from the three terrors. But I really didn't see the harm in letting them know about a spell that only one person knew how to cast.
In retrospect I should have known Twilight would make starlight write down everything about the spell to study but what do you want from me? I've been here less than four months.
Turns out Sweetie is a really fast learner when she wants. didn't even take her a week to learn the spell. And after they all saw how happy Gabby was wither cutie mark they decided to share the love.
By force.
Not everyone liked that idea but the diamond dogs quickly became to busy running banks and doing gem appraisement to really mount any type of resistance. The less said about the Changlings fate the better. Most of the dragons seem ok with things which I wasn't expecting considering most of them got things like Glass maker or wood carver, though a few are heavily opposed. I think I heard something about a dragon named Garble Planning to build a wall. How he expects that to keep out races that can fly I have no clue. Minotaurs ended up with Artsy cutie marks. I remember seeing a flyer for a production of a midsummer nights dream being produced by Ironwill.
So all in all most seem ok with it. Though enough of them are mad that I'm living in a cave to escape their wrath. Good thing I got my pay and stocked up on food before anyone figured out my part in this.
I have no clue how long everyone will be looking for me. Though given that there are 4 alicorns waiting to kick my teeth in for all the new work and cults springing up worshiping the cmc, and the three new ones ascended thanks to the power of the before mentioned cults who are waiting to shoot me with their magical booty beam of communistic harmony I can safely say it's going to be a while before I can leave this Dark, wet, cold cave.
Funnily enough I still cant say that I miss Detroit.