Everyone's favourite Uncle

by Uncle_Death

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Luna, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Other, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Main 6
Length: 3772

I forgot to mention. My name is Uncle Death! I have a feeling we're going to get along just fine.

"What's your Deathwish?"

Long ago, the world of Equis was one of peace and harmony between all. One large continent to share amongst the other nations can surely change that in a moments notice.

No one knew how it began or when it started, only that the fogs of War were heard one day. This War would last for centuries if not more, if it wasn't for the largest disaster ever documented.

The Equis Rage Tectonic disturbance. It ravaged the land and split it into four, separating the nations from one another while at the center of it all rose a tower. This tower was to be known as the Tower of Barbs and the largest tower ever constructed.

No one knew who built it or when only that it was built rather oddly. None of it made sense, metro tunnels that would lead miles down underground, residential areas with missing roads and pathways and elevators that led to seemingly nowhere. Grotesque creatures roami-

So what do you think, Senpai? Pretty rad, huh. That's just the prologue, just wait until you get to good stuff, hehe.

Anyway, I'm sure your exited as I am! So what do you say, ready to get a move on, Senpai?

'Cause it's about to get Wild!

Let it Die and Uncle Death is owned by Grasshopper Manufacture and Suda51.

Mlp and its characters are owned by Hasbro.

Humanized Equestria.

Remember, this is a fic that will rarely be serious in a meaningful way.

Editors: CommanderWolffe and Dragonoidsix Seekers

Published 2017-01-12 13:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-12 22:11:25 UTC

A Cold game of Golf (Edited)

It was cold, that much was known. It wasn't surprising seeing as it's the middle of the night. The distant howls of wolves echoed around the forest and, while the creatures of the forest avoided detection by their predators, a hooded man stood at the very center of a large clearing.

He stood above a small ball, from that of the game of golf. The unknown man stood there laughing every so often while raising his hand as if to judge the wind. His hand was unable to be seen under the black glove, the glove itself seemed to have a well placed skeletal design on the back.

Hopping back from where he stood, he took hold of his golden golf club before bending slightly and looking down at the ball. Under his hood, a wicked almost eternal smile was seen while his face was obscured by the darkness.

He raised the club until it was just behind his head before giving a small chuckle and swung his club with incredible force, sending the ball miles away from the being. With that, he straightened back up at the full height five foot and five inches tall, a rather short height, but it was of no matter for the being as he simply spun his gold club in his fingers.

“And now, I wait.” The man said to himself as he gripped the club after spinning it a few times. Minutes passed and it seemed as if nothing had changed, the hooded man still stood in the same spot. “I'm bored, time to find something fun to do.” With that, a small blue mist appeared in his free hand before the mist itself took shape. As if something was within the mist, he gripped it before the mist itself vanished leaving only a black skateboard.

Dropping it onto the floor, the hooded man got on the skateboard before pressing a button on his golf club, causing it to vibrate slightly and change the club end into a very sharp golden blade. The once golden golf club was now a deadly scythe and with it in his hand, he began to skate away from the clearing with ease despite being on grass. The only thing that could be heard was the sounds made by the skateboard and his sinister like chuckles deep within the forest.
To where he was heading was unknown as the ball he hit just minutes ago still flew towards its intended target, Canterlot palace. With the speed in which the ball had gained had caused it to lit ablaze. This did not deter the ball and only made it more dangerous as well as slightly more noticeable to others.

The ball's destination was now in sight and it almost looked like it sped up even more. With a loud smash, the ball crashed through the large window of the throne room, shocking and surprising everyone present.

Though everyone present in the room were surprised and shocked at the mere thought of vandalizing the palace, only one woman was peeved at the situation. Thinking of this as just an attempt of Vandalism, she stood up and looked out the now shattered window now hearing the wind whistling by. This fair maiden was simply known as Luna, the Princess of the Night and Co-ruler of Equestria.

“Your highness.” Said a guard, gaining the attention of the Night princess. “It seems that this was the cause.” The guard added while raising his hand and showing the burnt golf ball. Luna could help but stare at the simple ball and wonder how it could have shattered the window behind her.

“Let me see it.” She simply said without giving as much as glance to the guard. The latter had walked up to her and given her the ball without a single word. Once she held in her hand, she looked at with an intense glare.

The glare softened as she could see something drawn onto the ball but it was obscured by the black soot. She wiped it with her thumb but nothing happened and her thumb was still spotless. With a look of defiance, she casted a simple cleansing spell on the ball and to her relief, it worked. Her relief was soon replaced with shock once she saw what was drawn on the ball.

叔父

To others, this was just a simple word in Neighponies but to Luna this was something she hoped would never had happened. Her hand shook in what could only be describe as pure terror.

“Your highness, is everything alright?” Asked the same guard who handed her the message on the ball.

“I need to go see my sister.” She replied in calm tone, hiding what she truly felt under a mask of emotions. The very same mask that is about to shatter at any given moment.

“But it's the middle of the night, your grace.” The guard said with a question look and before he realized it, she was gone. With a sigh he walked back down the steps before standing at his post.

As this happened in the royal palace, chuckles could be heard if one had listened closely. Near a quaint town, the hooded man could be seen standing atop a large hill. He positioned himself just as before with six different balls lined up for him.

“I've got balls for days, sooo-” Without finishing his sentence, the man swung his club and shot the ball across the air before disappearing into the night, then repeated this act several times. “It's fun to bug the absolute shit out of someone sleeping, they get extra cranky.” With a laugh, he swung one last time and froze in the swing pose. He stared at the last ball as it flew across the town, avoiding any and all obstacles that stood in its way. He could feel the anticipation build up before finally the sound of glass shattering was heard from six different directions.

“Woohoo!” He celebrated as he raised his arms up in triumph. “I am fucking amazing!” He exclaimed once more into the air. After the silence settled back into the night, the hooded man still stood with his arms up high.

“Uncle.” A voice caught the attention of the hooded man. Glancing back, the hooded man was greeted by a well dressed man in a white suit and helmet. “The messages were sent with… little damage.”

“Good to hear, dear nephew.” Said the man known as Uncle before looking up at the night sky without ever lowering his arms.

“Is there-”

“Nope.” Interrupted the man in the hooded jacket. This got an agitated growl from well dressed man before vanishing in a blue light. This was followed by silence.

“Hmmm.” Hummed the man. He slowly lowered his arms without a sound. The sounds of the night echoed around him as he picked up his golden golf club and took out a piece of paper from within his hooded jacket. “Let's see.”

To do list:

[×] Find Isaac Parker (New Fighter for Tower)

[×] Set fire to dying forest (Then regrow it to do the same in a few years)

[×] Send Message to Palace

[×] Break a window while doing the above

[×] Break more things

[-] Get milk

[-] Profit?

“I can get this done before sunrise.” He mumbled to himself before putting the list away and kicking his skateboard onto his open hand. “Chances are that I will, hehehe.” Said the man as the moon seemingly raised itself up as if it was midnight again.

With his golden club in hand, he began to stroll down the hill at a leisurely pace. His skateboard vanished from his hands and his occasional chuckled were heard as he disappeared into the night.

His chuckles could be heard from afar, not only surprising those who heard it but sending a feeling of dread and fear as well. It could even be heard all the way to Canterlot palace, where a certain royal slept peacefully until.

“Sister, you must wake up. This is urgent.” Spoke the sleeping princess’s younger sibling once she had appeared in a dark blue light. The elder sibling mumbled and groaned as her eyes opened rather tiredly. Speaking in incoherent words, Luna simply decided to show the item in which she held in her hand.

“It's from him.” Luna spoke in a hushed tone. “It's from Uncle.” Once those words were said, the elder sibling’s eyes grew wide as dinner plates and quickly sat up from her bed.

“Is he…” Spoke the elder princess, trailing off into a loud yawn.

“No, Celestia. So far he has only sent this through the throne room's window.” Luna informed her older sibling.

“That's good to hear, I suppose but it's still worries me.” Celestia said before resting her head back onto the fluffy pillow she slept on.

“I'm going to look for him, maybe he'll listen to reason.” Luna said as she walked up to the balcony doors. Celestia, still tired and unable to properly think, nodded before closing her eyes and letting sleep take once again. Luna saw this and allowed herself to sprout out a pair of large and majestic wings from her back before leaving out through the balcony door and taking flight into the night sky.

Author's Note

Rock on, Senpai!

In case you wondered what Luna saw, it translates to Uncle.

Leave a like if you want to see more and comment on why, please.

A Night out in the Woods

It has been almost an hour since the incident occurred within the palace’s throne room. After informing her sister of her findings, Luna took flight into the night sky with intent to search for the one responsible. Her search, while long, had finally finished as she landed amidst a dark but lush forest unknown to all of Equis. The forest itself radiated a sense of familiarity to Luna, allowing her to remember a time before her banishment and long before she and her sister took the throne.

Luna frowned, knowing that these were simply memories. Shaking the thoughts away, Luna scanned her surroundings and noted the lack of sounds from the forest. The eery silence sending a shiver up her spine.

Despite the uncomfortable feeling, Luna looked ahead and from where she stood, she was able to spot the very place she set out to find. Just a short walk away was brightly lit building containing a single sign that read Hater’s Arcade in a bright neon red light that flickered every now and again. The building itself looked decapitated and overgrown. It's only large window was visible shattered, possible due to a rock or an attack on the building itself

“Typical.” She muttered under her breath before beginning to walk towards the building. Any feeling of nervousness vanishing with each step she took and before she knew it, the ringing of a small bell that resonated from the door had visible startled the woman as not only the unexpected bell rang but as her gaze landed at what she could only be an impossibility.

Despite it's rough looking and abandoned-like exterior, the inside looked as if it had recently gone into business. The arcade cabinets looked pristine and were in working conditions, seeing as they were currently all in use. Each arcade machine was occupied faceless young men and women, some distort and change places as if it were some form of illusion.

Luna walked up to one of them, a faceless teen male that was currently facing off against the game's final foe. Luna placed a hand on the faceless teens shoulder, only to be shocked by the result. She fully expected her hand to simply faze through the teen’s shoulder, instead her hand gripped the shoulder she thought belonged to an illusion.

“How?” Luna asked herself as she reeled her hand back in shock. Her mind couldn't comprehend what was going on. How long have they been here? How is this possible?

Questions ran through her mind, questions that sadly had no answers for the Princess of the Night. More and more questions began to run through her thoughts but before she could begin to question any of this outloud, she felt herself being pulled away from her thoughts once a gloved hand was on her shoulder.

Out of her thoughts, Luna was then spun around to meet the one responsible for interrupting her endless train of thought and was faced with a masked man. The man's attire consisted of a short opened up jacket with no undershirt to hide his chiseled upper body, a pair of baggy cargo pants and a pair of sneakers. While Luna had only returned from her banishment a few months prior, it was enough time for her to grow accustomed to the culture of the present day. She couldn't help but blush at the sight of the shirtless jacket wearing man.

“Ŵ̸̺̱̔̀ḧ̴̝̥́̍ä̶͔͐̊t̸̡̺͚͌͆'̶͓̠̦̈́͠s̵̗̱̞̀̎ ̶̟͔͎͊͘y̴͍̠͋̌͗o̴̬̻̪͌ȕ̴̞̥͔̄r̸̡̡̤̾ ̴̯̲̃b̸̳̓u̵̙̜̰̔̃͝s̵̩̫̊í̸̥̟n̴̛͉͊ę̵̰̘̅s̶̥̜͚̔͒̂s̸̢͉̻͆ ̵̻͓̭͂̾h̶͎̦̥̉e̵̢̧̊̚r̸̫̗̲͋̑é̶̱̪̹?” The masked spoke but his words were incoherent and drowned by the static sounds from his helmet, leaving Luna to understand his words.

“I'm sorry?” She asked, hoping for the man to repeat his words coherently. Judging by the man curling his hands into fists that this irritated him.

“D̶͍͐ö̷̙́n̸͉̽'̴̍ͅt̵̪̍ ̷͉̎m̸͖͝ạ̵̍k̷͈̇e̴̲͠ ̸͚̎m̸̜̊e̶͔̒ ̵͓͐â̶̱s̴̜̈́k̴͍͆ ̷̖́à̸̳g̷̮̚ă̶͍i̴̳̋n̶̺͑,̸̯͝ ̶̹̆l̴͍̈a̶̜̿ḓ̵̂y̵̱̕.̴̼̅” He spoke once more, his static riddled words sounding threatening.

“X, let the woman go and let me do the talking.” Another voice spoke out from behind the blonde masked man, catching the attention of both him and Luna. Looking over the blonde man’s shoulders, Luna was able to see the owner of the voice.

Dressed in an elegant white suit and red tie stood another masked man but unlike the other, his head was fully masked by a very different and advance helmet of sorts. Luna noticed that on the man's hip was an odd looking weapon, a pistol if what Luna could recall from what her sister told her.

The blonde man, answering to the name X, let out what could only described as a grunt before moving away towards an empty stool and taking a seat with his arms crossed.

“Apologies, X was never the talkative type. His short temper is also to blame but oh well.” The finely dressed man said, appearing to be looking at the other man before turning to face Luna. “Allow me to introduce myself, I am Y, the leader of our little group.”

“I am-” Luna began to speak but was interrupted by the man.

“Luna, Ruler of the Night and Princess of Dreams.” Y spoke out in a very informative tone. It came to no surprise for the princess herself, after all she is widely known across the land. “Now before we move on into a discussion, it is within our right to ask you this. What is your business in our little establishment?” He asked. Whether or not this was true, Luna dared not to question this as it could lead into something else entirely.

“I am currently searching for someone who I strongly believe is responsible for the vandalism that had occurred back at the Palace.” Luna answered, hoping that her vague answer would suffice.

“Ah, so you speak of Uncle.” Was his sudden reply. Luna could see X, cracking his knuckles from the corner of her eyes. “He is… out and about but I have no doubt you'll be able to find him from atop the arcade.” Y said as he moved out of the way of the exit before reaching to open the door and holding it open for Luna. “A bit of warning however, never speak of this place to anyone but your sister.” Y added in a rather calm but threatening manner before Luna walked out the door.

Once outside, the door slammed shut and by the audible click it was now locked. Luna has heard this threat before, long before her banishment and by the very same person she is searching for. The thought of showing those two what for came to.mind before shaking the thought away, knowing violence won't get her anywhere out in the real world.

Heeding the finely dressed man’s advice, Luna flew up to the the roof the dilapidated looking building and upon landing, was greeted with an odd sight. There, just a few feet away was a multicolored beach chair and an umbrella both accompanied by a small cooler and a radio. Luna walked up to the relaxing spot before noticing that the radio was on before bending down to turn it off and once she did, the effect was not something she expected.

The eerie silence that Luna thought unnatural was immediately replaced with the sounds of the forest wildlife. Luna questioned the reason for the device’s existence before remembering that Uncle prefers the silence. Before she could think of turning the silence back on, Luna turned towards the east and narrowing her eyes.

From where she stood, she was able to see the pillars of smoke that no doubt was a forest fire. Straightening herself, Luna allowed her wings to materialize once before taking off with great speed towards the source of the smoke pillars.

Meanwhile at the very source of the smoke pillars sat the hooded man simply known as Uncle. One arm resting against the back of his hooded head while the other occasionally grabbed a handful of popcorn to which Uncle would munch on as he watched the area around him burn.

‘It was a chore.’ he thought, munching on another handful of the salty snack. ‘The village people didn't help either.’ Another thought as he glanced to his left, seeing the charred bodies of the village dwellers that attempted to stop him. ‘Hehehe.’ he mentally chuckled before grinning

“Hehehe.” He chuckled with a grin before. “Ack!” He choked before grabbing the large cup of soda he brought along for the occasion and taking a sip. “Fucking choking hazard.” He grumbled under his breath before taking another handful of the salty snack. “But it's so gooood.” Was all he said before stuffing his mouth with the handful of popcorn.

“Hmm.” He hummed, looking up at the rising smoke and narrowing his eyes under his spiriling glasses. “Can't see shit with these.” He finally said before taking off the spiralling glasses and quickly putting on a pair of yellow tinted rectangular framed sun glasses, giving him somewhat of a normal look. “Just so you know, these aren't normal shades. These babies magnify my sight and as a bonus they're pretty bitchin sunglasses.” He said with a grin.

Looking back up to the sky with his enhanced sight, he was able to spot the pair of familiar colored wings attached to a familair woman. He stood up from his relaxing chair, dropping both his soda and popcorn much to his dismay.

“I knew I made the shot, haha!” He exclaimed before begining to dance around happily. “Hole in one! Hole in one! Hole in one! Hole in one!” He yelled happily over and over again before stopping at the sound of the woman landing roughly on the ground. It was none other than Princess Luna herself and oh was he excited at her arrival. Uncle gave a exasperated gasp before speaking.

“Luna!” He exclaimed, much to the woman's annoyance. He ran up to the angered princess before wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. “It's good to see you, girl! How have you been? Last I saw you, you were hurling towards the moon.” He said, somewhat calmer than his initial outburst before noticing Luna’s angered expression. “Too soon?”

“Uncle, what is the meaning of this!?” She suddenly yelled, comically throwing Uncle off of her and onto the ground a few feet away. The latter held his ears tight, trying to stop the ringing.

“Ow.” He said quietly as he hopped back up to his feet with ease. “I know what you're thinking but it isn't what it looks like. I was just… uhh… doing the lawn? Nah, trimming the bushes? No… Fuck it, I was torching the forest. Yeah, that sounds about right.” He said, placing both his hands behind his head and leaning his head back onto them in a relaxed manner.

“Why!?” Still utterly confused by his actions, Luna asked once again.

“I was bored and I had a box of matches with one left soo…” As if on queue, a tree snapped and fell while engulfed in flames. Seeing as her questioning will lead her nowhere, Luna decided to drop the subject before revealing to the man in front of her the ball she brought from Canterlot.

“Care to explain why one of the palace’s window was shattered by this?” Luna asked, handing the ball to him. The latter grinned at this before answering.

“I was gone for such a long time, I was beginning to think you'd forget of your dear old Uncle.” Uncle answered while crushing the ball in his hand. Doing this, Uncle then quickly willed his favorite club to appear in his grasp and surprised Luna by the sudden appearence of his signature Golden golf club. “Plus, shit is going to hit the fan soon and when it does, Imma be there to watch the show.” Uncle informed with a few twirls of his club. Luna wondered as to what he meant.

“What do you-” Luna stopped mid sentenced as Uncle disappeared in the blink of an eye and the fire that engulfed the trees around her were put out within an instant. Soon she turned around at the sound of a skateboard riding off behind her.

“Sorrygottagobye!” Yelled Uncle as he disappeared into the distance, leaving Luna by herself. The latter sighed, agitated by the sudden departure. Her agitation soon vanished as she glanced back towards the direction that Uncle took off from, her annoyed frown changing to that of a saddened look.

“What has happened to you, Uncle?” Luna asked under her breath before looking up at the night sky. Her question would be left unanswered as she had recalled the moon moving back by a few hours before she left Canterlot and realized that it was now meant to be sunrise. Spreading her wings once more, Luna gave a mighty flap before heading off towards Canterlot once again. As she flew farther away, the laugh of her crazed Uncle echoed throughout the land.

Hehehehahaha-*wheeeeze* Ack! Popcorn!