The Beast

by suckmyponycock69

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Dark
Length: 584

What really happens when a human enters Equestria?

When two species collide, happiness and laughter, contrary to belief, doesn't happen.

This is my story. This is proof we should stay the fuck away from those damn horses.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-24 16:47:53 UTC

How I Got in this Mess

"Spam...spam...spam...spam related to My Little Pony?"

As I sorted through my e-mail, the said My Little Pony spam caught my eye. However, I should introduce myself first before I continue,

I'm Barry Young. I'm 17 and a Junior in High School. My friends and I are stoners. I never said I made good choices. The most interesting thing about me is the fact that I'm male and I watch a show aimed at little girls, although the aim is arguably being somewhat shifted towards adults. I digress, however.

Anyway, as I was saying, the spam caught my eye, so I stupidly clicked. 'Hello, Barry Young,' it began. I was unsurprised that it knew my name because of the fact that I fell for those damn surveys to unlock a Microsoft Point Generator, or equally too-good-to-be-true things.'You have won a trip to Equestria.'

At that point, I burst out laughing. Yeah, and my pet Rottweiler, Indi, can calm down for 5 seconds. Speaking of her, she woke up from my laughing. She realized that this wasn't food or play related, though, so she fell right back asleep. Because I was still somewhat baked, I kept reading. 'All you have to do is, at the stroke of midnight, with candles in a pentagon shape, close your eyes, and say 'In the name of Chaos, I want to be somewhere that isn't in this world that has talking ponies!' I understand how convoluted that sounds, but it's easier than you would think.' If that were the case, I wouldn't even have to speak. 'I look forward to your arrival.'

'Discordedly yours,

Diz Core'

"Wow, what Mr. and Mrs. Core name their kid Diz?" As you most likely figured out, I'm basically an idiot. Especially when puffing the herb. It's a miracle I'm even a Junior, let alone in High School. "Whatever. I'm trying it." It was summer and I was bored, ok!? Sue me. Actually don't because I got what I deserved and then some.

It was midnight. The candles were lit and arranged. I was sober and already regretting this, but there's no turning back. I shut my eyes. "In the name of Chaos, I want to be somewhere that isn't in this world that has talking ponies!"

I took a breath.

I couldn't help myself. I opened my eyes. I saw a weird-ass abomination. By that, I meant Discord, the...draconequius? Hell if I know how to spell it. "Hey, no opening your eyes! Oh never mind, just this once I'll let it slide," he said, sighing afterwards. "Now, tell me, Barry. Are you ready to go to Equestria and cause cha-I mean, love and tolerance?"

"Is the fact that I smoke weed make me a complete moron, in my eyes?" I asked. Hint: Yes.

"Glad to hear that! Now, take my...er, paw, and your adventure will begin!" he promised. He stuck his lion paw out, which I took.

*POOF*

Like that, I was out of this world, leaving Indi behind. Thankfully someone probably noticed. Then got stoned and forgot about it. I suck at owning pets, I know.

I know what you're thinking. "Oh boy! Love, tolerance, and probably some bow-chicka-wow-wow!" Yeah, I wish this was My Second Life, even if it meant I was a Mary Sue that nailed Applejack. Trust me, the only thing you'll get is knowledge. Of what, you ask?

Of the fact we were never meant to meet those fucking horses.