The night is a tranquil time, a place for rest and recuperation, the easing of the mind and soul, and a relief from the stress of the day. For most, it’s a relief to see the sun sink below the horizon, the fiery wash of color signaling the end of the work day. Yes, the light of the moon can certainly be a sign of peace for many… but not all.
Often, with relaxation and quiet surrounding a creature, the mind begins to wax philosophical, taking winding paths through the forest of memory, going off the beaten trail of thought and delving into the canyons of existentialism. Coincidentally, the night is the perfect environment for this soul-searching, with the perfect combination of serenity and sleep deprivation to stimulate the mind into deep thinking.
It was as such for one colt during an early August evening, the time being nearly midnight. Rays of moonlight streaked through his bedroom window and fell across his tousled mane. Anyone who would have looked in through the doorway would have clearly seen that his eyes had not closed, and his breathing had not slowed. Yes, this colt was certainly awake, but no one would have seen or thought to check, as those whom he with had already retired to the realm of dreams. He had not fallen into slumber for one reason… he was thinking.
However, unlike many other ponies, who were lying awake pondering an array of topics, from jobs to fantasies to their own morality, this colt was focused. A single topic was planted in his head, which could be boiled down to a simple question.
How should I do it?
It made sense, in a way, this inquisition. The topic had been bouncing around in his head for quite some time, but he had yet to give it any serious consideration or thought. This was a significant problem for the colt, because the object of his thoughts was the most important decision in his life.
Should it be flashy? he wondered, tilting his head to face the ceiling of his room. The action moved one of his ears, the one formerly pressed into the pillow, into an uncovered position, allowing the steady drone of the city he called his home to flow into it. He knew just as well as anybody else that the city didn’t sleep at night, and as such, it did not interrupt his thought in the slightest. A spectacle for all to see, so that within a few days it’s the talk of the town? A display so vibrant in color and energy that those who see it will remember it for the rest of their lives? A soft smile stretched across his lips, one so faint that a creature who saw it could interpret it as a twitch or a subconscious action. That would be nice. There would be no better way to say it, to get my message across.
Or should it be subdued? he countered, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. As a reasonable colt, one whom anyone would say was fair-minded and considerate, it was in his instincts to consider all his options. Perhaps, if the problem being examined was less significant, he would have skipped over it, but with a decision this big, the mere action of considering moving past it was unthinkable to the colt. A private affair, perhaps in a garden or the forest, one directed simply and solely at her? After all, it is her who this is directed at… The smile faded, and the colt let out a soft sigh, nearly inaudible, like a butterfly’s wings flapping. The question is which would mean more to her, I suppose. On impulse, I would say that the public spectacle would mean more, simply for the reason of stating my feelings in front of everyone, but if a quiet moment would be more to her, then I suppose I should do that. A feeling of slight annoyance bled into his mind. This really isn’t easy, he thought. But of course, nothing of consequence ever is.
And what should I even say? he asked himself, rolling over and gazing at the moon, pensiveness plastered over his every feature. Should I spill everything I feel in a rush, like a flowing, turbulent river, or a flood of emotion? Would a sudden, total enlightenment mean more to her? Would it give her satisfaction? A soft, wry chuckle wormed its way between his lips. It seems that the female mind is a mystery that cannot ever be totally unraveled or solved, no matter how many years you know the pony. It probably goes the other way, too. The colt dwelled on that statement for a moment before moving on. It wouldn’t have served him well to get sidetracked and drift away from the topic, not with the stakes as high as they were set.
Or would a calm approach work better? he questioned, a small frown creeping over his muzzle. A few pointed, concise, and straightforward statements could do a lot more than a jumbled mass of words. Would I have to sacrifice meaning in my words, thought? For all that a focused approach to something could do, there were limitations implicit in that approach. The colt was fully aware of this, and felt a good bit of frustration with it, lamenting the fact that it wasn’t as simple as he had hoped. But, subconsciously, he knew that if a decision this potentially impactful appeared simple, his knowledge of the issue was probably lacking.
Or does it even all matter? the colt pondered, rolling back onto his back and pulling his bedsheets up to his chin. Does it change anything if I do it differently, or say what I need to say in a different manner? Would it impact the outcome in any significant way? The colt knew that a detailed approach wasn’t always the best one, and over thinking something could easily change an outcome for the worse.
Would it change anything? he inquired, closing his eyes. Because, in the end, when it all comes down to the basics, when you strip away the dressings and decorations and gaze at solely the core of the decision… it is just a suicide. With that thought in his head, the colt abandoned his internal debate and closed his eyes, drifting into a dreamless slumber.
END
Author's Note
Betcha didn't expect that, didja? 
Once again, I prove that I have a DARK mind. This was a bout of inspiration that struck, and I had to write it down. It's purposefully vague, because I wanted it to be left up to interpretation. Tell me what you think happened between the colt and the girl down in the comments!
As usual, if I made any typos, tell me and I'll fix them
~Pyrepinna
