Chapter 1: The First Chapter: Origins
One day in Equestria, just like any other day, exactly like every other day, in fact, so much like every other day you couldn't tell it apart from every other day, to the point it was dubbed "Every Other Day Day" by Princess Trollestia. On this "Every Other Day" Day, something happened. Probably. However, it actually didn't. And everypony died, too. But not really.
TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS LATER:
It was a very special day indeed in Equestria; the twenty-eighth aniversary of Every Other Day Day (Although, in reality It would be quite inacurate to call it special, as it was very similar to EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY. EVER.) However, on any given day, Equestria was liable to have very random, very unordinary shit happen. In fact, the princess had made it habit to look outside and declare "WTF is dis shit?!" every morning. But this was ordinary.
On this day, Darth Pinkius, and her dog, Howie Mandell, were waltzing down the street when there was a light. and then there was Jesus. Darth Pinkus used force choke. It was Super Effective. Jesus has fainted. But Jesus was sad! He used his friggin' sweet Jesusy powers to make all of whatever planet Equestria is on explode. But the plot was sad!
Sr. Author man was all like, "This not work!".
SUDDENLY, UNDO BUTTON!
ONE PARAGRAPH LATER:
Jesus unfainted and used his laser vision to shoot Howie Mandell.
"You shot dog." exclaimed Darth Pinkius.
"Yes, I shot dog." said Jesus.
"I have solutioning!" exclaimed a mysterious figure as (s?)he emerged from the shadows.
"Hallo there, my name is Hans von Hozel. I like to write stories to make an improve of my English. Please read and enjoy! :) I had idea when one day, I going in Berlin. Suddenly, everything in English! I could not understand it. It was like it in another language, so I make English and do stories in it. : D", danubed Hans von Hozel.
"It is Hans von Hozel!" said Darth Pinkius.
"Indeed!" screeched Jesus.
"YOOOOOUUU!!!!!!!" said Hitler as he shuffled into the scene.
"Oh, sup Hitler," said Jesus. They were broskis.
"Hans von Hozel has bad grammar, no me gusta mucho", exclaimed angry Hitler, muy fuerte. "We must exterminatize him for the sake of all grammarness."
"Good idea", replied fanfiction.net as they deleted his profile for all eternity.
"MWAHAHAHAHA!", sinistered Talos Angel, as his account still remained.
"OHOHO!!!!!111one" said Hans with exclamation much. "but I am of the existings still in void of interwebs!!!"
"You mad bro?" asked Jesus.
Fanfiction.net was yes.
So Talos Angel and Hans von Hozel teamed up to produce beautiful literature!
Suddenly, Osama Bin Laden imploded into existance and sang "Why Can't We Be Friends" and they were.
"The friendlings be us." Said Hans von Hozel.
Suddenly, Twilight and friends.
"You are bad people." said Twilight, "We will defeat you with the power of friendship."
"That's gay." said Jesus, pointing to Rainbow Dash.
AND THE OBVIOUS WAS POINTED OUT!
Jesus used his laser and blew them up.
"look, Hellements of Armoury." said Hitler.
"yes" said Darth Pinkius.
"But there are six" said Jesus.
Suddenly, Granny Smith flew in.. but she was Batman!
"I'm Batman." said Granny Smith.
"Now we have six." said Jesus, again pointing out the obvious.
Thanks to Osama Bin Laden, they were all broskis now.
"LOL, six!", exclaimed both John Mapes and Ian Grom in unison.
"o_0" said Hitler.
And so, harnessing the power of friendship, Hitler, Osama bin Laden, and whoever else was in this story, all simultaneously fired their lasers, effectively exploding Mapes and Grom, along with most of Ponyville into nonexistence (which is quite similar to existence, only not).
"STOP LASERING CITY!" Reimu demanded.
"LOL, WTF", stated Jesus.
Osama got up mad, and threw a bomb at Reimu, and it killed her, but it didn't kill her because it killed her.
"Whoa! Who let Talos write", exclaimed the author as he drop kicked Talos into nonexistence world with the rest of the shit that went there earlier. And the tangent was resolved!
"The tangent was resolved", pointed out Jesus.
"Yo homedogz 2day was #MegaFun. We doing anything tomorrow? Cuz we totes should. #Megustafriends", Osama vociferated.
"Totally." said Keanu Reeves.
"Gtfo" said Jesus.
Sad Keanu was sad, and decided to go sit on some shit and be sad there.
"LOL", said everyone.
"IT'S ALL A CONSPIRACY!!!!!!!!111!!!", bellowed Lyra as she sprinted through the scene, eventually colliding with a wall and exploding.
"LOL", repeated everyone.
"Hey!", said some character of interest, "we should go on an adventure to fulfill the adventure criteria that this story has been tagged with!"
SUDDENLY!
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!!!!!!"
It was............................ Dumbledore!
