Why me Quickies

by Miner

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Sweetie Belle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3633

want a quick laugh read these mini chapters

Based on my story 'Why me?'

Published 2017-01-16 02:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-18 02:41:13 UTC

The mail box

"Jessica, would you be a dear, and please check up on the mail box for me.” Rarity said form her room.

Putting my book down. I made my way on over to her room and stop at the entrance. “And why can’t you do it? It is after all, your mail box.”

“Now please be reasonable. I can’t go check up on the mail box and finish this dress at the same time, now can I?” I rolled my eyes at her statement.

“Said the one with magic. Fine I go check up on it. But you make dinner tonight than.” I said going down the stairs.

“What!” I then stop and turned around.

“Would you prefer if Sweetie Belle made it then. Cause I don’t mind.” I can see her coming out of her room staring at me.

“You are bluffing dear.”

A small grip came to my face as I continue down the steps. “I KNOW your Bluffing!” just kept telling yourself that.

I all honesty I don’t think she is that bad of a cook. She disks just need some work with the appeal to the eyes. They honestly taste better than they look. Maybe I can give her some pointers the next time she wants to cook.

Outside looks rather peaceful right now. The sun is shining, the sky is clear, and no pony is yelling for their lives. Wep better hurry this up. “Now where is that box?” I spot it near the door. If I didn’t look hard enough I would have mistaken it for the decoration of the building.

I then open it to see a couple of envelops address to Mrs. Cake! “Oops. Derpy got the wrong address. That must mean they have Rarity’s mail than.” I then reach in the house to pull a pair of saddlebags to put the letters in before I made my way to Sugar Cube Corner.

I can see the ginger bread house now coming around the corner (no pun intended). Hopefully they haven’t check their mail yet and I can just switch them, before any pony notices. To my surprise their mail box looks like a miniature version of the building.

Stepping in front of it I reach into my bag for the letters, then opening the mail box…

“HI MAIL MARE!”

"WWWAAAAAHHH! PINKIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?” I scream to the pink mare as she squeezes out of the little house.

“Oops sorry Jessica I thought you were Derpy with the mail.” She said while I was on the floor trying to catch my breath form my near heart attack, with my right hoof on my chest. That mare is not good for the heart.

I then notice that I had drop the letters in my panic. “I am not even going to ask why Pinkie. I am only here to get Rarity’s mail.” I said while picking up the letters.

“Then go to Rarity’s mail box.”

“That’s the problem. When I did I found letters for Mrs. Cake instead.”

“Oh”

“Yes oh. And that is why I am here. So, do you know where Derpy is at the moment?”

“Nope.”

“Great. Well then please gives these to Mrs. Cake.” I said hoofing over the letters.

“Okie-odkie” she then hops into the building with the letters sticking to her mane. I never going to understand that mare. Well I hope Rarity isn’t hoping for the mail any time soon. I then turn around and made my way back to the Boutique.

Right when I was about to enter the building something fell on top of my face. After inspecting it I discovered it was Rarity’s letter she was expecting. “Sweetie Belle could you be a dear and see if the mail is here yet?” Rarity called out from inside. “I thought Jessica was going to check.” Sweetie said form somewhere inside.

I was going to say something but *WAM* I didn’t get much after that only the feeling of something slamming on top of me. “ooooooowwww” Opening one of my eyes, I can see some letters falling nearby. “oh hi Derpy.” I black out around there.

Sweetie belle was coming down the stairs looking around to find Jessica and the mail. “Now where is she with the mail. It can’t take that long to get it.” She thing notices a letter addressed to her sister on the floor. She picks it up with her magic while she looked across the room one more time. ‘well if the mail is here where in the world is Jessica? Oh well at least I now know I am more responsible than her.’ She thought to herself as she went back upstairs.

Jessica vs Minor

"We begin our day with Jessica... Wait. WHAT! Hold on a second." I look back at the title of the chapter. "Jessica vs. Minor?! That can't possibly be correct."

"Oh, you see my dear friend it is,"

I look behind me to see Jessica standing in the doorway. "Jessica! Uh? Might I ask why are you in my office and not at Pony Ville right now?"

"Oh, you know. Stopping by to pick up my check, talking to coworkers, plotting my revenge on you, see my schedule for the week. You know all that good stuff."

I give her a flat stare. "Jessica I am not dumb. I heard what you just said. And for what reason have you need to attack me?"

"WHAT REASON? Have you read the story!?!? And what you have put me through?"

"Jessica please calm down. I made sure you were aware of what was going to happen to you if you took the job."

"And look where that got me! I have been assaulted, insulted..."

I then way a hand in front of her. "Hay. hay. No, go using your same old lines again."

"And you do stuff like that!" she then gets into a battle stance. "Your time has come!"

"Wait can we- AAAHHH!"

*CRASH*=================================================================================================================================================================================================

"Hi, there everypony. Pinkie here. So Minor is being attacked by Jessica right now so I will be writing what is going on."

Jessica throws another book at Minor; whose now in his pony form, ducks. "Ha! You mi-"

But he didn't dodge the next one that hit him square on the nose. "OOWW." he said rubbing his nose with a hoof.

"And there is more where that came from!" Jessica then charge at him and now they are playing ring around the rosy around me.

"Now Jessica, Please you are being completely unreasonable."

"The only thing unreasonable around here is your sense of humor!"

"And what is wrong with it? My stories have gotten noticed because of it."

"Yeah at my expense. And now I will show you just how much I appreciate it. Now hold still."

"You know that is not going to happen. And Pinkie, get off of my laptop. How are you even use it anyways? you don't have fingers."

"Friendship is Magic."

"That doesn't tell me- AHHH!" Jessica has finally gotten hold of Minor and is now choking the life out of him. He then flips her over him and... "Chase scene. Okay, everypony things are going to be a little fast. So I will try to keep up with as much as I can. So expect some typos. Also if you know some good chase music now would be a good time to play them."

Minor runs through one door and closes it behind him and Jessica fails to open the door. Only to see him walk out of a door down the hall and gives him chase.They both enter room closing the door behind them. What happened next was very funny as they continue to run through the series of doorways in the hallway. He would leave one to enter another with Jessica behind him, and sometimes it would be the other way around. But she would notice and chase him to another room. They would zigzag from door to door and sometimes they would be coming out of two doors at the same time going in the opposite direction. And Minor Just ran into his double "Watch where you are going!" they said at the same time and ran back into the room they just came out of. And I do believe I saw Derpy walking from one door to another. Jessica saw this and did a double take. "Where did she come from?" right at that moment Minor was sneaking out of one room but was spotted by Jessica and off they go again.

Minor runs around the corner dodging Jessica but she notices and doubles back only ran face first into a pie. *Splat*

She wipes the faceoff with her hoof and looks straight at him. "Where did you get that?"

"How am I suppose to know? It just showed up on in hoof, and have another one." *splat*

"You're dead!"

Jessica is now on his tail and corners him at an old bridge over a carven.

"Wait how is there a bridge over and fifty-foot drop in my house?" he said looking at the drop

"You better move Minor."

He steps lightly on to the bridge and makes his way across. "This is not possible."

"Oh you think you can escape me by going somewhere dangerous. Well, I got news for you I am not afraid to die you blue butt! What am I saying? Pinkie get my lines right!"

"Oh come on Jessica. Not even a little humor."

"Fine but only a little."

"Can I have a say in this?"

"Yes, you can. Once I get you."

"Wait. hold on Jessica the bridge can't hold-" *SNAP* "Too late" *SNAP**SNAP**SNAP* they both started falling to the cavern below. Jessica is screaming her head off while Minor has a hoof to the side of his face with a bord expression.

"This is no longer the house I know anymore."

"How can you be so calm we are going to die!"

Minor just look back at her "No, we are not. We just need to stop falling."

"And how do you plan to do that?!"

"Like this." *SCCCREEEEK* Minor then extend his legs as if we were trying to stop running fast. And did stop in mid-air and caught Jessica before she hits a large rock at the bottom. She hangs onto him and then looks at the spike and him a few times.

"How are you doing that?"

"Don't ask me. I am not the one writing this part."

"But you are the author. You are supposed to be in charge of everything that happens in these stories."

"True but am I in charge of what is happening to us right now?"

"Now that you mention it. You aren't are you?"

"Enope."

"But then why would something lik-" Jessica's eyes open wide "PINKIE!"

"Ah oh. ummmm. This is not supposed to happen. Come on Pinkie think."

"Well at least when you were in charge. You never tried to kill me with no way of saving myself."

"Why would I want to kill or seriously injury somepony."

"I don't know but I wouldn't be surprised if something like that happens in the sequel." he then put her down and they both wander around the bottom of the carven. "So Minor, can you get us out of here?"

"Not unless you do something funny."

"Why?"

"That is just how it works here."

"So Looney toon logic, got it."

"Hay speak with respect when you talk about the masters!"

"What is her prob- wait, masters!"

"Where do you think she learned how to do everything she knows?"

"Does that mean you have met them too?"

"No. I am only familiar with their methods. I have never been trained by them."

"So then- nevermind. So if this place works with that logic. Then that means Pinkie is behind this door." Jessica then pulls a secret open revealing Me typing on the computer.

"Hi, guys."

"Pinkie just sends me back to Pony Ville, please. I have had enough for one day."

"FIne but don't blame me if Minor teleport you to Canterlot High for no reason."

"WH-" and with that Jessica is back home.

Pinkie looks back a Minor. "Is she ever going back Home?"

Minor then grab the computer and is returned to his human form. "Wait for the sequel like everyone else." he then types a few thing onto the laptop and Pinkie is sent away. "Now then where is my room here?"

Jessica vs the Bathroom

"Well I had to face this soon or later.” I let out a breath of air “Ok girl. You got this.” Stealing my nerves, I held my head up high puff out my chest and enter the room. As the door opens I can see that the lay out of the room is similar to what Exclusives restroom looks like. But this one has a bit more of a feminine touch.

After closing the door, I then took in all the little details. There are indigo shower curtains with a water wave design etch into them around the top and bottom. The sink has a large mirror… correction it has three large mirrors over it. The floor has white tiling with purple diamond every third square. And a towel rack in front of the toilet.

A series of knock came from the door interrupting my train of thought. “Oh, come on Jessica hurry up in there I got to go.” Sweetie Belle said form the over side of the door.

“Well you are going to have to wait. I just got in here.” I then made my way on over to the toilet. “It is not my fault you and your friends broke the one down stairs. So, you are just going to have to wait for your turn.”

“But I really have to go. I won’t take more than a minute. I will be in and out before you know I was in there.”

After closing the lid on the toilet, I open the shower curtain with my hoof. “As much as a good idea as that sounds Sweetie. I like my privacy; so, you can either wait for me to finish, or you can go outside and do your business there.” I then put my hoof on the rim of the tub testing out how slippery it was. It was like hot butter on a hot stove. This is not going to end well.

“That is no fair Jessica!”

“Sticks and stones sweetie, sticks and stones.”

“AND stop saying that! There are no stones or stick nearby. What do you even mean by that?!” she shouted to the door.

I stop paying her and more attention after that. I had more important thing to worry about. For example, what I am going to do right now. Ever since I came to Equestria; I haven’t had a chance to take any form of self-cleaning of my body. I have no idea how anypony not notice how much I stink right up to this point. Maybe they were just being Curtis and didn’t say anything about it.

I wished they did. Then at least then I would know I stick right then and there and tried to find out how to clean myself. Not three whole days later. I didn’t even know ponies had showers. I thought I would have to be hosed down outside or jump in a swimming pool or I don’t know. Cautiously I step in to tub.

No grip! “AAAHH!” I fell face first to the bottom of the tub. Groaning I lifted my head up then trying to get back up “WOAH!” hello again tub.

“Uh Jessica, are you alright in there?”

“Oh, I am just peachy.”

“But you don’t look anything like a peach.”

Groaning I dragged my hoof down my face. “That was an expression Belle.”

“How! There was no arithmetic.”

“Huh! How can you know what ‘arithmetic’ is and not know what a verbal expression is?”

“Cheerilee hasn’t gone over that yet.”

“But you just…. And… never mind.” Getting back to the task at hand…hoof? I don’t know anymore. I have been in these lands for far too long; I need to get back home.

Ok now easy does it. Just one hoof at a time. And there! “Woah” my hooves started to slip until I was on my side. I then moved all my hooves under me moving them slowly to get on them; before I spread them out to have two hooves against the sides of the tub. There no more slipping “Yes”

“What?”

“Nothing you need to worry about Belle.” Slowly I moved my body getting over to the knob for the shower head. Wait, there is only one Knob for the water! “Umh?” well as the old saying goes ‘lefty losy righty tighy.’ I then grab the knob with my teeth and turn it to the left a good amount.

Meanwhile at Sweat Apples Acres

Applejack was bringing in some apples that were some late bloomers from the orchard when she heard the loud cry of a pony in distress. “YEOW! THAT IS HOT!” "the voice cause her to jump and spill some of her apples. She then turned her head left and right to look for the source of the voice.

“Woah nilly, who said that?” try as she might she couldn’t find the pony who did.

Back at the Boutique

“Jessica! What happen?”

Whoever Rarity found to do her plumbing, I want to hire them to do the same to my bathroom once I get home. That is if they live long enough After I am DONE WITH THEM. I pushed through the steam and boiling water to reach for the knob and turn it the over way. And to my surprise and horror the knob didn’t stop turning that way.

Back with Applejack

She was almost done picking up the apples that fell out of her baskets when she heard it again. “YAAAAAHHH! BBBrrrr" Once again, her apples fell to the floor as the sudden noise caught her of guard. A small growl escape her mouth as she found no pony in sight who made her spill her apples again.

“Again! Where are you! I would like to have a word with you.”

Back with Jessica

“Let me out of here!” I screamed as I zoomed out of the torture room jumping over Sweetie Belle in the process.

“Hay where are you going. Wait you are going to soak the house.” She then made chase after me with a towel “stop your all wet! You are going to get hur-”

Her words of wisdom came a little too late for me. For I could stop in time before falling head first down the stairs. “AAAHHH!” and for the record I meant to go the other way. Dumb throw rug.

Back with Applejack

She got the last apple in her hoof and was about to putting with the other when she got a visitor. “Hi Applejack!” once again her apples kissed the floor now to bruise to sell. Applejack turned to see Rainbow Dash flying a couple of feet away from her. “What are up to?” Applejack stared at the mare with a mighty rage as she looked form the apples to her.

“Uh? You ok there AJ?”

“That does it!” she then tackles the mare out of the air.

Author's Note

let me know what you guys think.

My Little Friend

Jessica was enjoying a nice nap over a tree when she felt the ground underneath her moving. She quickly got up and move behind the tree and peek around it to see what would happen. To her surprise a grey paw came out of the ground and was trying to grabs something. When it grab nothing it went back in the earth.

'Them again hun?’ she thought to herself bring a hoof down her face. But then she stops half ways and grins to herself. 'If they want to caught something them I am going to give them something to catch.’ Slowly Jessica leaves the seen and makes her way to Fluttershy's house. She spent ten minutes looking around the house until she found what was she looking for. Carefully she picks up the animal and takes it back the tree.

Once there she places the little animal where the Diamond dog was earlier, then place some food so he won't leave then she moves back a little and waits. A minute later a paw comes out of the ground once again and tries to grabs something. It then feels the fur of the little animal and pulls it under.
A grin forms on Jessica face as she sees her plan has work. “And Houston we have lift off in three two ..” she then puts a gas mask on her face as a smoke of green gas erupts from the hole followed by a fog horn sound.

Slowly a skunk crawls out form the hole and walks by Jessica. “Thank you Mr. Stinky.” She said to the skunk but the skunk then gave her a mean look. “Opps my mistake Miss Stinky.” The skunk then gives her a nod and goes on its way back to Fluttershy’s house.

Once the smells clears up Jessica removes her mask and knees next to the hole
“Do you guys give up or are you thirsty for more?” she calls down the hole. Her response was only a small white flag waving back a and forth a few times before it retreat back in the ground and the hole covered itself. “That what I thought.”