Slapping Discord

by Neuex

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1388

I do crap to a statue.

I'm bored, I wanna write a short story, I just came back from North Carolina, and it's 2:00 in the morning.
So just for kicks, I'm gonna write a short story about my O.C. pony "Neuex" in his younger years, attempting to vandalize a stupid statue in a garden.
I guess you know who the stupid statue is huh?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-22 11:24:02 UTC

White colt

"Hey....... Hey Discord."

The dragon, pony, horned, owl, thing, statue only stared at me with the same expression he's had ever since the Elements of Harmony turned him into stone again.  It looked like Discord was refusing to eat his peas, or mashed potatoes from his mom, who's only trying to feed him what she could afford, because being a taxidermy teacher doesn't exactly bring out the big bucks.

Somehow I think that Discord's escape in the first place was caused by three little fillies, but that's only a hunch, and a rather stupid one at that

I lifted my hoof up to his face, and tapped his big eye a couple of times, afterwards I quickly flinched back, half expecting for him to come back to life.

Seeing that the spirit of chaos could in no way harm me, I put on a wicked smile, staring him dead in his ever-shocked mug.

Being a Pegasus does have it's advantages when you need to reach a high place, and Discord must have been a good 10, maybe 12 feet high.

I glanced around, making sure nopony was around to see the events that I planned for Discord today.

***

Celestia, growing tired of watching the clouds in the warm, summer sky, decided to look about her majestic gardens, located just ahead of her.

Adjusting her royal telescope for a much clearer view of plant and animal life that reside in the small forest under her balcony, Celestia decides to check on somepony first.

The Princess gazed the telescope's eyes towards the en-chambered Discord's body, somewhat surprised to find an unfamiliar white coated Pegasus pony hovering just infront of the statue's head.

The colt was looking around like he was either lost, or checking his area.

He had an almost completely black mane; a few strips of white coloring the edges of a few of his bangs.

The same could be said about his tail; it was curved down, and was mainly black with one single strand of white.

"My... Whats he doing here?"

***

My surroundings were clear, nopony was in the gardens.

The Princesses would most definitively be too busy to even think about looking out outside, so I was safe there too.

Turning back to Discord's face, I gave him a smirk; then I rushed off into the nearby bushes and grabbed my bag, returning to the statue's feet within only a few seconds, the heavy carrier in between my teeth.

***

Celestia narrowed the vision on the white colt that now stood before Discord's feet, she had almost lost him when he flew out of shot.  This Pegasus was quick, as are alot of ponies from the Pegasi race, although you don't see many Pegasi in front of the spirit of chaos in broad daylight; that wasn't a norm.  Most ponies actually stayed away from the statue now a days, in fear that they might accidentally set him free again.

The colt started rummaging through his large black bag he had before him, placing some things to the side.

A few pairs of pink socks,

a can of silly string,

a few small containers of paint...

***

"Some tater chips,

paint brushes in sizes 3, 6, and 9,

glitter from my sister's bedroom..."

***

"A... teddy bear?"

***

"My sister's stupid stuffed bear..."

I gave it a squeeze and a sound recorder inside recited the words, "I LOVE YOU!" in an annoying, high pitched voice that made me want to kill myself.

I set the stuffed animal aside, and continued taking out the rest of my "weapons."

***

"Whats he taking out now?" Celestia asked herself, her right eye looking through the scope.

The white colt placed a small, red cardboard box besides the teddy bear.

The Princess couldn't see what the box said, so she narrowed the vision on the telescope to read the only visible fine print that worded Extra girth

"Erm... wha, whats he gonna do with those..."

***

"Condoms, for extra fun..."

***

"Oh, dear..."

***

"And lastly..."

***

"Wha... what in Equestria is... that?"

***

"MY BIG ASS MOTHER'S DRESS!"

I quickly shut my trap, realizing that I might have been just a teeny tiny bit louder than I originally wanted to be.

I took a quick surveillance check around the area, seeing that I was still alone.

I let out a soft sigh, relieved that I wasn't heard.

I glance down before me so I could do an Item check, and.... Where are my...?

"Are you looking for these?"

"AHHH!"

I turned sharply around, only to crash into the gold-plated front legs of... uh... oh crap it's Princess Celestia.

The pure white coated mare stared down at me with wondering eyes, and open wings.  Was she wondering who I was?

Oh wait... duh she is.

"I, uh.. uh... I.."  For some reason my tongue was tied, and I couldn't say a darn word, but she spoke for me...

"Were vandalizing the prison of a spirit that almost destroyed Equestria twice."

A knot in my throat formed, I was so totally busted.

"Care to explain my friend?" Her soft voice rang, actually sort of kindly.

I noticed that Celestia's warm yellow aura had engulfed the "tools" that I was gonna use; each item was floating a couple of feet above her head.

"Great, now I'm double busted..."

I had to say something on my behalf, something that wouldn't get me in more trouble than I was already in.

"I, I was just trying to do a prank, honest." I stammered.

Celestia glared at me, I couldn't tell weather she was mad, disappointed, or just down right pissed at me.

I had never met her before, so maybe she'll let me off with a warning; you know,.since I was a stranger.

"A prank? ... you mean like this?"

Using her magic she lifted up the can of silly string to Discord's head, and surprisingly started dousing the statue's crown in an icky white webbing.

I stood shocked, staring at the can moving around the dragon, pony, whatever's head.  She mainly sprayed the string on the top of Discord's head, trying to give the statue a strange looking wig.

The can eventually ran out, and Discord had a nice full silly string perm atop his head, and so far he looked pretty ridiculous.

I continued looking at the statues head, still a bit gob-slapped at what just happened.  "Did... did Princess Celestia just...?" I gazed at the Princess besides me, she harbored a friendly and somewhat amused smile upon her face.

"Your turn my friend."

The tall mare levitated the few containers of paint to me, along with the paint brushes.

I looked at the items floating before me, still sort of dazed on what was happening.  I stared back at Celestia, who was still smiling kindly at me, then it hit me.

"You... want to prank? But your a Princess, Princesses don't do that kind of stuff."

She let out a small giggle, "My dear, you don't know how much being a Princess isn't fun.  Sometimes we all just need to do something rash, just for the fun of it, but I'm sure you already knew that though."

The paint and brushes nudged a bit forward, urging me to take them.

I stared at the items for a second, then back at Celestia.  I returned to her a reckless smile, and gladly took the three brushes in my mouth, and grabbed the containers with my right wing.

"This is gonna be EPIC!"

All his fingers had condoms slipped on them, various things including monkeys, Wonderbolts, and various *mature content was painted on his body, pink socks were slipped on top of his horns/ antlers, a ripped off teddy bear head was stuffed in his mouth (I'd burn the body later), a webby wig on top of his head, and for his attire, my mom's BIG ASS DRESS!  HAHA!

To celebrate our fun, I opened up the bag of potato chips and offered some to the princess...  then the world exploded.

SUCK IT BI-!

***

^

Written by Drew D.

Hope you liked it.

It's something simple, and I just wanted to do something.

Brohoof to those who read through. /)*

I Expect alot of thumbs downs, just because of the ending.  I don't care. :3  This isn't a real fan fic anyways.