Tryouts

Twilight Sparkle added a few extra chairs around the coffee table in the castle library. She set out a tray of cupcakes and tea for her guests. Twilight took a seat on one side of the table. Across from her sat Moondancer, Starlight Glimmer, Sunset Shimmer and Trixie Lulamoon. Twilight took a few minutes to have some tea and a cupcake. It helped to give her time to calm down, and assess the situation.

"Alright," Twilight started. "Each of you are here because you want to be my special somepony."

"To the contrary, you want to be Trixie's special somepony," Trixie said.

"Uh, yeah. Sure," Twilight said. "As I was saying, each of you have-"

KNOCK KNOCK

"Ugh! What now!?" Twilight walked over and opened the door. Flash Sentry stood outside with flowers.

"Twilight, it's Hearts and Hooves Day. And I just-"

"JUST GO SIT WITH THE OTHERS!"

"O-okay!" He trotted inside and took Twilight's seat at the coffee table. Twilight walked over to her desk and got some paper to pass out to everypony.

"Now, as I was saying," Twilight continued, "You are all here in a bid to be my special somepony. Therefore, the only sensible way for me to make an informed choice is with SCIENCE!" Twilight cackled. "I will be conducting a series of trials for you all.... Tryouts, if you will. In the end, there can be only one, through a process of elimination. Starting now. The first test will be a written exam. Everypony stay in your seats. If you leave your seat you will fail. Understood?"

Everypony nodded.

"Everypony, take a pen," Twilight said. The four unicorns each levitated a pen across the room from Twilight's desk. Flash raised his hoof. "Ugh, yes Flash?"

"May I get up to get a pen?"

"If you leave your seat, you fail the test," Twilight said.

"But, how can I take the test without a pen?" he asked.

"I guess you don't."

"So I fail?"

"I'm afraid so," Twilight said.

"Oh... okay." Flash Sentry got up to leave.

"Everypony, shun the pegasus," Twilight said as he walked toward the door.

"Shun!"

"Shun!"

Trixie took a cupcake from the tray and threw it at the back of his head.

"Trixie! What is wrong with you! You don't just throw a cupcake at somepony!" Twilight scolded. Trixie pouted. "If you're going to throw food at him, throw a vegetable!" The door closed behind him as he left.

"There now, with that out of the way, we can move on." Twilight said.

"What will the test be about?" Starlight asked. Twilight looked at her.

"Levitating the pen... WAS the test," Twilight laughed. Starlight laughed. Everypony laughed.

*laughing in unicorn*

"Now, moving on," Twilight continued. "Since you are all my friends, I need you all to be able to accept me choosing somepony else and not resent me, or each other for it. While I know all of you, and you all know me, most of you have only just met each other for the first time today. Therefore, you will be spending the next several days getting to know each other." She pulled out a chalkboard on wheels and began to draw each of their cutie marks in a rough circle, an equidistant spacing from each other. Then she drew line between each of them, forming a pentagon with a star inside.

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"BEHOLD! The Pentagram of Friendship!" Twilight said. The other mares gasped in abject shock.

"Trixie does not trust polygons of emotion!" Trixie cried out. Twilight took the pointer from the tray and indicated at each of the lines on the board.

"Each of these line represent friendship. And by the end of the tryouts, you will all be best friends!" Twilight said.

"Oh no," Starlight gasped.

"What is it?" Moondancer asked.

"She means best friends," Starlight said.

"Yes. That would be why she said 'best friends'." Moondancer replied. "Repeating words doesn't change them."

"I'm saying that she means 'best friends'," Starlight explained, making air quotes. "Like Lyra-and-Bonbon 'best friends'." Moondancer's expression melted into horror.

"Oh no," Moondancer groaned.

After Twilight had previously reunited with her, Moondancer had gotten back in touch with her old friend, Lyra. After getting caught up with the mint-green unicorn, it wasn't long before she knew about her, and her 'best friend' Bonbon.

"Trixie does not understand," Trixie said.

"Well, if the Lyra and Bonbon here are like the ones from Canterlot High, then it means that they're lesbians," Sunset said.

"Huge lesbians," Starlight added. Trixie did not yet grasp the full implication.

"Are you not?" Trixie asked the group. "Is that not why we are here? To be lesbians with Twilight?"

"Yeah, but you see all those other lines that don't go to Twilight?" Moondancer said. "She wants us to all be lesbians with each other!" Trixie's eyes went wide and she scoffed.

"Trixie does not have to stand for this!" she said, ironically, despite physically standing up.

"You know what, Trixie? You're right!" Twilight walked over to the front door and opened it. "You're welcome to quit at any time." She looked at the rest of the group. "All of you are. It would make things a lot easier for me." Trixie slowly sat back down.

"Trixie will stay," Trixie said at last. "Because Trixie knows that Twilight wants to be lesbians with Trixie the most!"

"That's super," Twilight deadpanned as she closed the door. Spike walked down from upstairs, surprised to see the assembled group.

"Twilight? What's going on? Was there something scheduled today that I forgot about?" he asked.

"No. In fact, I'm going to need to clear my schedule for the foreseeable future." Twilight motioned to their guests. "These four ponies all want to be my lover, and it's up to me to choose which one," Twilight explained. "So I'm going to do what I do best, SCIENCE!" She pointed at her diagram on the chalkboard. Spike took one look at the assembled party, and the chart Twilight had made on the chalkboard, shipping beyond all reason.

"Oh-ho-ho- NO!" Spike said. "Fuck THAT with fries! I'm out!" Spike ran upstairs and quickly packed a bag. He ran back down and headed for the door.

"Where are you going!?" Twilight asked.

"Literally anywhere else," Spike said. "I can already see this train wreck coming from a mile away. And I am going to put as much distance between me and this as possible." And with that he walked out and slammed the door behind him.

"Well then, if the rest of you are staying...?" Twilight trailed off. None of the other mares budged. "Then I guess the next course of action will be figuring out sleeping arrangements."

"Dibs on Twilight's room!" Trixie said.

"No, no. We are going to do this fairly," Twilight said. She wrote everypony's names on Popsicle sticks and put them into a coffee mug. "Now, there are five of us, and only three bedrooms, so-"

"There are only three bedrooms!? But this place is massive!" Moondancer said.

"Trust me, you really don't want to try to understand the architecture in this place," Starlight said.

"So, as I was saying, again," Twilight said, growing agitated. "There are five of us and only three bedrooms. Mine, Spike's, and the one Starlight's been sleeping in. Therefore, four ponies will pair up and there will be one odd pony out each night."

"Why do I have to share my room!?" Starlight said.

"Your room!?" Twilight asked back, bending the pointer stick. Both, reaching their breaking points. "You know what, Starlight? Let me explain something to you. You stole a bunch of innocent ponies' cutie marks, then you tried to do the same thing to me and my friends. THEN you tried to travel back in time and to destroy everything my friends and I ever worked for. And I gave you a pass on that." Twilight leaned in, whispering into Starlight's ear. "I've put up with a lot of your shit. So you're going to share your room. And you're going to like it. Okay?"

"...okay."

"So, as I was saying, yet again," Twilight said with a huge, fake, terrifying smile. "I will pick out two names, and they will be together in one room for the night. Then I will pick out two more, and they will share another. The last name gets a night off to themselves." Twilight stirred the name sticks with her magic.

"I have priority on my own room, of course," Twilight said. "And Starlight will have priority on... her room. Which she will be more than happy to share." Twilight smiled extra-hard at Starlight. Starlight forced a smile back. Twilight walked back over to the desk. "Now then, the first two are..." Twilight pulled out a stick. "Trixie, and... Me... Okay. Fine."

"Yes!" Trixie pumped her hoof. Twilight grabbed another stick.

"The next two are... Trixie!? And me!? Again!?" Twilight pulled out the last stick. It said Trixie. "Why do these all say Twilight or Trixie!?"

"Trixie switched them while you were terrifying Starlight," Moondancer said.

"Snitch!" Trixie spat. Twilight glared at her, got the five original sticks and redrew.

"Okay, the first two really are... Trixie and... Moondancer." Moondancer shifted nervously in her seat beside Trixie.

"The next two are... Sunset and... oh, thank the stars! Starlight."

"Oh," Starlight sulked.

"Hey, it's okay," Sunset said with a smirk, "I don't bite... hard."

"Awesome. I've got the first night off," Twilight said. "Now lets just get some dinner going. Spike!" Twilight shouted into the castle.

"Uh, Spike bailed, remember?" Starlight reminded her.

"Oh. Right. Okay, who knows how to cook?" Twilight asked. The other's looked at each other.

"Um, I don't know about dinner," Sunset said. "But I can make the most baller omelette you will ever know."

"Alright, Sunset Shimmer will have breakfast detail in the morning," Twilight said. "What about tonight?" Nopony else spoke. "Alright, we'll leave it up to the mug to decide." Twilight reached into the mug and pulled out Sunset's, then shuffled the others. "Dinner tonight will be courtesy of..." Twilight pulled out her own name. "Okay, screw it, looks like we're ordering pizza."

"Alright everypony, write down what you want, and I'll send out for it," Starlight said, taking charge of the situation, much to Twilight's relief. Each pony wrote down what they wanted and gave Starlight their papers. Twilight gave her some Bits to pay. Then she left to go pick up the food. Trixie walked Starlight to the door and waved goodbye. As soon as she was gone, Trixie closed and locked the door.

"Ah ha! Another competitor eliminated!" Trixie cackled.

"Unlock the door, Trixie," Twilight said. "I want my food. And I don't have the energy to deal with any more of your antics right now."

Trixie begrudgingly unlocked the door and groaned. Twilight sank into her seat at the table.

"Um, Twilight, are you okay?" Moondancer asked.

"No. I'm hungry," Twilight said.

"I mean about... all of this. Are you angry?" Moondancer motioned to the room of ponies. Twilight sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Look, I know you all love me, or at least that you're all in love with me," Twilight sighed. "And, honestly, I love you all, too."

"Yes! Trixie knew it!" the azure pony cheered.

"Yes, even you Trixie."

"Really?" Moondancer asked.

"Well, yeah," Twilight said. "I mean, Trixie is sexy in an obvious way. And I know deep down she's a nice pony when she's not... on."

"Hmf!" Trixie wore a smug expression.

"And if it had been any one of you by yourselves, I would have been thrilled to have you as my special somepony," Twilight explained. "But to have all four of you propositioning me on the same day is just- overwhelming," Twilight continued. "And now, for me to have to choose-"

Twilight chuckled and continued.

"Just a few years ago I couldn't even choose whom to give an extra Gala ticket. I was so worried about hurting somepony's feelings. But this! This is so much more significant than a mere ticket." Twilight sat back in her seat. The others waited quietly for Starlight to get back with their food order. After not very long, she returned.

"Sorry Sunset," Starlight said. "They had no idea what a 'meat-lovers' pizza was. So I got you a vegetarian special."

"Yeah, because that's the same thing," Sunset muttered.

Twilight met her at the door to help distribute the boxes and bags, setting them out on the table.

"Cheese sticks?" Twilight asked.

"Mine," Moondancer said.

"Bread sticks?" Starlight raised her hoof. Twilight pulled out a few bottles of drinks. "Let's see... juice, cider, and sarsaparilla."

Everypony sat at the table and ate. Twilight's gaze drifted across the table at the others. Most of them were watching her as they ate. Occasionally they would cut glances at each other, sizing up the competition. Moondancer averted her eyes as Trixie folded a slice of pizza in half and licked inside it to an obscene degree while staring at Twilight. Starlight nodded at Twilight's horn and attempted to deep-throat a bread stick, almost choking.

"So, uh, what are we going to do after dinner?" Sunset asked, trying to break the awkward silence.

"I don't know," Twilight said. "I haven't thought that far ahead."

"We should play strip poker!" Trixie said.

"Trixie, you're the only one wearing clothes," Sunset said, pointing at her hat and cape.

"..."

"I win!" Trixie said, triumphantly.

Twilight stood up and grabbed a book from one of the shelves behind the other mares. "Well, I'm turning in early for the night. I'm going to spend the evening reading. And I will see you all in the morning." As she walked to her bedroom, she thought, 'this is going to be an interesting week.'