Security in Etcetera. -Coalition Intelligence Agency motto

"Look I'm just saying this would go faster if you'd try aiming the dirt a bit more." Blockade said as he finished tying up a sandbag before lugging it out of the ditch and on top of a pile of its kin. His suit had received a generous new coat of dirt that he long since gave up on trying to remove. Kilo stood back up and popped a few joints before responding.

"My paws are gloved and my goggles are so fogged up I can see more easily out my own asshole, my aiming can't get any better." He took deep breaths before getting back into a digging position. "Just open the bag up a bit more." Blockade responded by glaring while opening a new bag and getting into position behind Kilo.

"Ready?"

"Yup."

Like a coiled spring Kilo lunged into the dirt with paws gouging out huge quantities of earth and sending them flinging underneath his legs and into Hammer's waiting bag. Over the past hour Kilo and Blockade had made good progress and would supposedly meet up with another dig team coming towards them before the sun set. From their position the blurry speck that was the Boxcar was indistinguishable from the commotion of the quickly growing base.

The base itself had been placed inside a valley with a butte marking the entrance of one side and a mesa marking off the other. The remains of a road and rail line ran next to it and alongside a dried up river bed. The center of the base was a large marked off area and would (hopefully) be the entry point for Earthbreaker. MBUs belonging to the different guard units and civilian groups had congregated in their own areas before arguing over who got what supplies. On the outskirts barbed wire had been drawn around the whole base with watch towers being prepped to go up every few hundred feet while dig teams were currently digging a trench just inside the barbed wire.

"So Kilo, what do you think's actually out there?"

"Bunch of bumpkins that don't know how to speak and would worship a light bulb if they saw it turn on. You?"

"Probably all dead at this point barring the pegasi survivors. The radiation should've killed everything that wasn't vaporized when the bombs dropped."

"Wrong radiation, you're thinking of our nukes. The balefire radiation is mostly magical, so you might survive with some new limbs instead of death by super cancer. Yields were smaller too. And besides, the God's wouldn't allow everyone to just die off."

"Why not? Everyone dying to show the inherent madness of war would make for a good lesson for the viewers."

"You're looking at it all wrong. Having survivors is more marketable; more stories, characters, spinoffs, etc. It's a real gold mine if you kn-" Kilo paused his ruminations and stood stock still for a moment before moving his hind paws slightly.

"What is it?"

"...Earthbreaker. She finally made it."

Blockade attempted the same but gave up after a few moments with a shrug. "You're the dog." Just then three horn blasts sounded over the base before a voice came over the loudspeakers.

"ALL PERSONNEL CLEAR THE BREACH AREA. ALL PRIMARY AND SECONDARY GREETING TEAMS TO YOUR STATIONS. HQ ARRIVAL IN 10 MINUTES."

"Hammer had better be finished with the service by now. Hard to see how one can kneel in silent contemplation in an earthquake."

"...with profit for the Gods, with stories for the heroes, with legends for the world, and with a future for us all, thank you all for coming." With those closing remarks, the chaplain made his way to the front of the congregation for a quick meet-and-greet while the rest began making their way back to their own units. On the very edge of the group, Hammer picked up Muckraker's home and made sure it was secure by wrapping it up in his wings to make a feathery cocoon before heading to the marked off area. He glanced back when he heard Muckraker clearing her throat.

"...That was a little weird."

"What do you mean?"

"The sermon, the offerings, the deranged chanting, never saw anything like it."

"You're not of the faith?"

"Only on Hearthswarming and Good Friday. That's not going to be an issue is it?"

"Hell yeah it it will! The Gods brought us through the Burning Century and gave us our rightful place as rulers of the world. How could we not dedicate ourselves in thanks? You new age hippie shits think a simple thanks every year is enough?" He gave her a crazed look and made sure she was good and spooked before throwing his head back and guffawing.

"Nonsense! The Gods, and especially the Board, don't particularly care that they are worshiped. As long as you keep the world interesting enough for them to make money off of, you're doing fine."

"So why do you do more?"

"It's a way for me to honor their efforts and let's us know that there is some justice in this world that no one can avoid. Now come on. HQ's gonna be here any minute now." Hammer increased his pace to a quick trot as he made his way past a gathering of news teams who were fighting it out to see who would get the best shot of Earthbreaker surfacing. GNN seemed to be winning by using their camera equipment as makeshift bludgeons but Truth News had just brought out a bulldozer and was gunning it into the brawl.

Muckraker decided to make herself scarce inside her castle and wait for the whole thing to blow over. Hammer meanwhile made his way over to some NCO's in a roped off area. One in particular recognized him and waved him over.

"So, Sgt. Sweets, who do you think's gonna get the shot?" Asked Hammer.

"My money's on PBT. Their Minotaur's taking care of the dozer see?" The naga replied while gesturing towards the maelstrom. Sweet Confidence was a more standard type of naga seen in the global south with a python bottom and an earth pony mare on top. Most of her body has covered in a skin-suit with segmented plates latched on top while her head was encased in a visored helmet with "CN" marked on the forehead. The mentioned Minotaur had torn off one of the dozer's treads and was dragging the driver out before lobbing him into the air like a buckball.

"So, anything you're missing?"

*chuckles* "No spare hydraulic fluid and sonar's broke. We'll be blind in the subterrain and we'll be stuck and fucked if we hit anything tougher than sand." They both shared a small smile before turning their gazes to the fight. Espanol World Wide had brought out their football team who were doing a good job battering their adversaries into submission. PBT's Minotaur made an attempt to get in close with some rebar but nearly 2 dozen instantaneous football-strikes sent him down with a resounding *THUD*.

The press brawl was brought to a halt as the earth began shaking with EWW claiming victory and quickly setting up for the optimal shot. Muckraker poked her head out from the castle to see just what was going on. The first disturbances in the ground were four sinkholes appearing before growing larger and larger until a massive ~whoosh~ of air and a grinding of gears signaled massive drill-bits breaking the surface. The surface continued to split and shatter as the drills clawed at the sky until the whole section had turned into a churning sea of dirt. Finally, Earthbreaker herself broke the surface. Plumes of earth initially shrouded all but her drills, but soon enough she revealed herself to the whole valley. Heavy treads helped her dig herself out of the ground before folding into specialized compartments. Gun batteries and missile silos opened up while radio towers reached out into the sky. With a shuddering halt, Earthbreaker came to rest as the centerpiece of the base. She gave off two massive horn blasts that echoed off into the valley and beyond.

"So how was that for an entrance?" Inquired Hammer.

"I...never seen anything like it! Hammer, that was bloody amazing!" Muckraker had mashed her face right against the glass and even with the warped glass and dust now mucking up her view, she continued to babble on even as a section of the HQ hissed open with a ramp sliding out to rest next to one of the greeting teams.

"Your folks back home are gonna love it, they always do."

"Folks? The recording, right! Let me just make sure the angle...was...oh no...".

In her excitement, Muckraker had forgotten to record the event.

...

*tink*

...

*tink*

...

*tink*

Hammer was confused for a moment on where the noise was coming from but turning his head around revealed Muckraker ramming her head into her glass enclosure. He rolled his eyes before observing a group of generals and dignitaries descending the ramp, each trying to out-strut the other while the cameras were rolling. Following them was a gaggle of captains and lieutenants being lead by a Marshal who kept shaking keys to keep their attention, and all had been strapped to child leashes to keep them from running off. The group arrived in front of Hammer and the rest of the NCOs with one in particular catching Muckraker's attention.

He was buried under all manner of military gear with every step resulting in heavy clanks and grinds. As far as she could tell, there was a pony underneath it all. Young too. The Marshal handed over the leash to Hammer before moving on to the others, who latched it onto a caribeaner on his utility belt. Hammer stiffened up slightly and gave a sloppy salute.

"2nd Lieutenant Sherbert Shovel."

"Corporal Hammer von Eisenach." The lieutenant gave a quick grin before swinging one of his armored hooves across Hammer's withers, knocking the wind out of him, and sending Muckraker's aquarium tumbling to the ground.

"Corporal Hammer, it must have been glorious! The first among us! Exploring the last great frontier! Believe me sonny, they'll be making statues of us soon enough!" He then noticed Muckraker's container and it's occupant attempting to re-orientate herself.

"Corporal Hammer! I thought I made it very clear to not bring pets on this mission. What do you have to say for yourself, Corporal?"

"Sir that's not-"

"I put so much work into the power point too! And you ignored all of it!"

"She's a-"

"Now I'll be forced to write up a citation for you and make a longer presentation so you can get it through your thick skull this time."

"Mercy-"

"No scene transitions this time t-"

"EXCUSE ME SIR?" Came Muckraker's voice with the volume cranked up to 12.

"ACK! ACK! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!" Screeched Sherbert as he yanked out his sidearm and started shooting* wildly. The heavy *BOOM* *BOOM* echoed throughout the camp, and sent anyone nearby diving for cover. Groaning, Hammer gave a quick glare to Muckraker before barreling into Sherbert and sending him to the ground.

*Blanks, thankfully.

"It's a reporter sir! There's no attack!"

"I FUCKING KNEW THESE SAVAGES WANTED US DEAD! RAISE THE ALARMS CORPORAL! KILL THEM ALL!"

"Sir please!-" Hammer managed to wrestle the gun away from the Lieutenant and was now relying on Sherbert's own heavy armor to help keep him on the ground.

"You damn traitor! I'll see to it the Marshall lops off your head in front of the whole camp!" The nearby Marshall just rolled his eyes and continued with handing out a Captain to Sweet Confidence. Sweet, along with everyone else, was glaring at Hammer before leading their officers off to ensure they wouldn't get too spooked.

At this point Hammer gave up on any attempts to calm his commander down and tried to appeal to his inner cowardice.

"Sir! We need to get to cover! Follow me, I'll get you to safety!"

"Lords of Hasbro, spare my arse! I-I'm still worth more alive!" Sherbert was now breaking down into unintelligible sobbing and had curled up into a ball. Making sure the leash was tight, Hammer began dragging the armored, blubbering mass up the ramp and into Earthbreaker, but not before picking up Muckraker's home in the process.

Nearly an hour later, a de-suited Hammer and Muckraker were making their way back to Blockade and Kilo. Hammer had been dead silent since they left HQ and the only hint to his emotions that Muckraker could see was his tail lashing out every few steps he took.

"Hammer..."

"Look I'm sorry for that- " Muckraker was interrupted by Hammer's tail deftly flipping her box over his head before catching it and wrenching off its top. Faster than she could blink, she was grappled and staring down the beak of Hammer. There was no smile, no warmth, nothing at all in his eyes but her own reflection, and when he started to speak, every instinct she had told her to run, fly, anything to get away from the predator.

"Ms. Mucker-" he hissed. "First: It's Corporal Hammer. C-O-R-P-O-R-A-L, got it? Second: Interrupt any of us again...and you'll be back in your shit-stain town before you can say 'copyright infringement'."

"I-I'm sorry, please, it won't-"

"Or I'll just shoot you. Depends on how stupid you'll be." His grip slackened and she was now free to move about, only fear had her frozen up and she just barely managed to not hit the ground before she began to make a drunken zigzag pattern back into the aquarium. Her throat had rapidly dried up and she felt numb, barely registering crashing into the gravel bottom and skidding to a stop just before the castle.

As the sun set on the base, Blockade was half-in/half-out of the vehicle's engine compartment while Kilo busied himself cleaning out his gun turret. Hammer meanwhile made his way around the front before banging on the open hood to get their attention.

"Orders from on high people. We've got a half day's drive west to a rail depot. We need to clear it and the surrounding area so the expeditions can get safely through."

"When are we heading out?"

"We're out the gate in 15 minutes. Also we've got a report on the surrounding radiation levels; they're low, surprisingly so. Low enough that we don't need the suits as long as we-" Already Hammer and Blockade were practically clawing their way out of their suits and taking massive lungfuls of air. This changed once Kilo got out and walked past the avians. Hammer snorted while Blockade gagged before they both decided to put their gas masks back on. Blockade began packing up tool kits that surrounded him while Kilo checked their belongings. Hammer secured Muckraker's home before making sure his own gear was in order.

An hour later* they were out the gates and making a beeline into the remains of sunset. They were initially joined with other units but they gradually split off into their own directions, until the Boxcar was the only proof the Coalition was even here. Hammer began fiddling with the radio, switching the dials until he finally had the station.

*High Command had gotten into an argument over who would cut the ribbon on the main gate.

"-and I'm sure we'll all be happy with the latrines now up and running. For those of you just tuning in, welcome! I'm Staff Sergent Ham and I'll be keeping us all sane in the ass end of nowhere. We'll be kicking the evening off with the Eighteen Hundred Power Hour, starting with Welcome to the Jungle from Guns N' Roses."

"So what's with Reporter? Haven't seen her pop out since we left." Inquired Blockade.

"Gave her a talk. Voice won't bother us any more. Watch the fucking road." Blockade gave Hammer a brief, questioning look, before turning his eyes ahead. Beyond the occasional wrecked vehicle and the desiccated remains of a telephone line, all they had to keep them company was the cracked strip of asphalt, stretching beyond their headlights, and on into the starry night.

Easypedia General Archives -- CNS Earthbreaker
CNS Earthbreaker is a Mantle-Class Command Subterrain and the last of her class. Commissioned in 1490, Earthbreaker served in guarding the Diamond Dog Holds of the Copper Mountains against demonic incursion attempts. The end of the Second Tartaren War in 1487 had already resulted in a steady decline in demonic incidents with only 2 incidents recorded in 22 years of service, for which she and her crew earned the Stone Anvil from Hold of Washing Silver and the Iron Crystal from the Hold of Bones. With the Third Tarteran War and subsequent Counter-Invasion of Tartarus, she was no longer seen as a necessary asset in the Coalition arsenal along with being outclassed by the newer line of smaller and faster Cavern-Class subterrains and was decommissioned in 1515 and mothballed. She has recently re-entered active service when the CNERZ-EQZ Mission could not afford a Cavern and had to settle for a cheaper option.

She is currently under-manned, under-armed, and under-supplied. She is under the command of Captain Disaster Master; an Earth Pony officer with criminal record consisting of 13 DUI's (2 pending), 9 charges of Public Indecency, Tax Evasion, Assault with an Almost-Deadly Weapon, and is barred from stepping foot in Down-unda.

Mission Command has expressed their full confidence in his abilities as captain.

Author's Note

It's been a bit hasn't it?

Sorry about that, the last few years of college have been a lot more cramped than I expected so the story sort of fell by the wayside but have no fear! I've graduated! I'm free! I got some time on my hands for once, so there should be faster progress on this story.

ANOTHER VIDEO:

Anyways, any and all criticism is always welcome!