The Most Amazing-Spectacular-Beautiful/Dark-Sympathetic-Grim Self Discovery Quest Ever

by JadeDusk

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Drama, Original Character, Bat Pony, Comedy, Tragedy, Dragons, Self Insert, Random, Adventure, Griffons, Human
Length: 3621

[Parody/Satire] The universe has one species of enemy that no-one can destroy. One pony finds herself into this world and has to live through it on her own, with the help of those who call themselves "Mary Sues" and "Gary Stus". Join her adventure!

[Parody/Satire] [Cringe Challenge]

Have you ever wondered where all the cliche characters, atrocious OCs, and overdone stereotypes go when society wants nothing to do with them? That there is a world where they roam and rule freely? One such pony finds out, not without her own journey, filled with wonder and discovery of this new perfect universe.

This is the most wonderful story of the worst clichès ever put into one single story. "Enjoy" the cringe.

Disclaimers
Do not expect any quality to come out of this. I am purely making things up as I go. This is what I write when my head hurts from working on other, more serious things.

Base for cover art belongs to The-Clockwork-Crow @ deviantArt. Link in image.

Published 2017-01-21 02:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-23 13:12:16 UTC

[Ch.1] Amnesia & Information

Everyone has had those moments when you wake up and not remember your identity, friends, family, and everything that happened before your awakening. Or so it seemed. It just so happened I was the next one to become the tragic victim of this phenomenon.

I woke up in a large hole. My coat and wings matched the dark black sky above me, my flowing mane and tangled tail white as the stars that decorated the void that is the night sky. I looked around, only being faced with the seemingly impossible climb up to the surface from where I seemed to have landed. Did I fall? Where did I fall from? All I could remember was the faded moments of being attacked... sadness... wanting to be myself with royalty.

My hooves shook as I tried to stand upright. A fruitless attempt as I only landed back on my stomach. My front hooves now in my face, I saw four bracelets that sparkled in the moonlight. They were silver, with sunlight yellow and dark blue gemstones in two each. Sitting upright, I checked if anything was on my head; Nothing. Not even my-

"MY HORN!" My mind raced of what could've caused it. What I assumed to be a normal unicorn's horn was now nothing but a jagged stub. No magic either, as my many trails of levitating a few small rocks failed to even glow with my magic aura. The more I tried, the more the wound hurt.

"Hello?" I called out, hoping somepony could hear me. "Is anypony there?"

"OH MY CELESTIA-LUNA-FLURRY-HEART-TWILIGHT!"

I regretted turning around immediately upon seeing a bright pink-muzzled grin in my face, two rainbow-colored eyes staring at me. "YOU'RE, LIKE, ANOTHER ALICORN! JUST LIKE MEEEEEE~!" She opened her large and perfectly formed neon-rainbow-tipped wings, each tip having a different color of the rainbow.

"H-how did you hear me?"

"HOW?! A BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHY YOU'D DARE ASK A RIDICULOUS QUESTION!"

My ears folded back as I winced at her voice. "P-please tone down the voice..."

"BUT THIS IS THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE!" She extended one hoof out in a decree-motion. The grin before turned into a small smile and a giggle. "Hehehehehehehe~ I, like, alwaaaays wanted to do that. You must be new here, correct? Oh what am I rambling about, I know everypony's faces! You're a fresh-new arrival!"

Oh thank the Skies that noise was over. "Soooo... h-how did you hear me?"

"Su-per heaaaarrriiinnnggg~!" She sing-sung, gesturing to her ears as if I can physically tell that was the case. "And a simple teleportation spell to your exact location... weeeelllll not exact exact, that would be kinda weiiiiiird for me to land on top of you or underneath you and don't even get me started with those weird pony fusions, ICK I HATE THOSE."

"C-can you please help me? I can't stand up..."

"But of course! Anything for a new friend!" With a simple rainbow-colored glow from her horn, I found myself with a newfound strength and flawlessly standing upright. "There-OHMYCELESTIALUNAFLURRYHEARTTWILIGHT You are so small and cute I love your colors and the contrast of your flowy mane and tangled tail oh it's beautiful and perfect that your own appearance has perfect flaws even those antler horns of yours~! And-" She let out a big gasp. "No cute mark?!"

"My... cutie mark?" My rear was blank, and for a second I did think that I turned into a filly. "Oh... is it a problem?"

"Oh no no no~! Not at all! Just... unusual... whiiich is what makes you special! We each need a few unique quirks to make us look special! Of course, the only thing that is more special than uniqueness is perfection!"

"I... guess so..." I laid back down and rested my head on my forehooves. All of this was overwhelming... the most part of it being that I couldn't remember anything besides vague memories of what I assumed to be moments before I appeared here.

Sure, I was shorter than most other ponies, often being mistaken as a filly. Yet, I didn't feel like a filly. I still had questions to ask.

Cutting to the chase, it turns out that this place I landed was Equestria, only not "Equestria Classic" (Found out the hard way the word "original" is forbidden and is considered the worse insult ever). I explained to her my predicament, and thank the Skies I'm not alone. There's a whole community of people who lived through the same experience as mine, although each was slightly different but generally the same. Perfect, flawless characters fall from the skies as comets into this world, and I seemed to be the most recent one. There's also something about "Creators" and how each pony has their own. Most of the time, these Creators abandoned them and they were forced to come here, which in all seriousness, didn't seem all that bad.

And, the most important question: This rainbow-infused pony was Jeweled Tiara, or "Jewel" for short. She called herself a "Mary Sue", a high-ranking pony. She had watched her Creator get lots of negativity from others and had to quit everything in their life, just because "Critics" claimed that Jewel was a Mary Sue. Ever since then, she has worked to make sure that she can someday return to her old life and be part of "fanfiction".

"Thanks, by the way for what happened... so far my life hasn't been that kind to me..."

Jewel waved her hoof. "Oh please, don't bother thanking me." She placed her hoof on her heart. "It's the most someone as humble as me to help somepony in distress. It's a Sue's duty - help those who like you, destroy those who don't. Say..." Her rainbow eyes changed to a bright blue, a bit of a Sombra-like shadow glowing from the left eye. "You do like me, riiiiight~?"

I nodded with a smile. She was so nice, so kind, how can someone not like her?

That grin returned as she clapped with a squeal. "Wonderful~! Those who don't are often seen as "Originals", and don't even get me started talking about those imperfect atrocities." Her eyes returned back to their normal rainbow color.

I rubbed the back of my head, feeling my white wavy hair flowing underneath my bare hoof, soothing my rising nerves. "Do you... know anywhere I can stay? I don't plan on staying here forever..."

"Oh, we're at the very border of the greatest, most peaceful place in the whole Universe! Come see!" Before I knew it, she teleported both of us out of the rocky crater and standing on a stone path leading to a grand golden entrance, with an indescribably-perfect tri-halo alicorn statue in the middle of what I assumed to be the central plaza courtyard. My eyes widened, speechless at the flawlessness of everything. It was everything I ever dreamed of. Castles stood high at every angle, ponies (most of them alicorns) strolling about.

Jewel turned towards me and bowed. "Welcome to Harmony Utopia~ As you seem to be confused with your purpose, let me help you find your place in this wonderful world you are blessed to be part of."

Author's Note

Optional - As something of an experiment, I am letting you, the reader(s) if any dare to get this far, to create your own character. I hope to get some input through this to make it as cringe-y as possible (but... you know... still readable). Pick a stereotype you hate, troupe that makes you rage in annoyance, or even a character that you made in the past and submit them here, as I do hope to turn this into a real world (Real does not equal "taken seriously"). I'll see what I can do from there. I think this will be a fun project to complete for those who wish to participate in the making of this wonderful story that is just as cringy to write as it is to read, trust me. :derpytongue2:

[Ch.2] Powers, Perfection, and The Unity of Three

The next two hours were filled with Jewel teleporting me from one area to another, only allowing about five minutes of exploration before we teleported to another section of Harmony Utopia. No matter which corner we went, however, I can still see that giant golden alicorn in the distance near where the entrance is/was.

She teleported me back to what I can assume was the main castle, and what looked like Canterlot. Except different. Everything was perfect, even more perfect than what my subconscious allowed me to remember. Or was it one of those deja-vu feelings, where it’s like you feel like you’re in someplace familiar yet you don’t remember what. What’s even better is that it had smaller-on-the-outside technology, and flawless golden edges along the flawless corridors and large ballrooms.

“It comes in very handy when there are new ponies who happen to fall here… ah, here we areee~! I never expected someone like you to get this far, to be honest.” We stopped in front of a silver door, same as the other ones in the red-velvet hallway. “This will be your room until we figure out what is causing your… flaws. Once those are smoothed out and perfected, we’ll see where you can fit into this peaceful world.”

“… Jewel?”

“Hm?” Jewel stopped and turned to me.

“Nothing seems to be making sense… how do you know nothing bad happens? None of this makes any sense… bigger-on-the-outside castles, everypony acting all… odd…” I felt her hoof on my mouth.

“Shushshushshush.” Her prism eyes scanned the area around us as there seemed to be a crowd gathering. It only took one look from Jewel before everything magically resumed. “As you are somepony who is a… rare case, there are some exceptions to the laws in place here to keep the grand peace. This is a Utopia. One does not simply question what goes on, for it doesn’t need a reason.” Jewel smiled, then turned back to the door and opened it.

Inside was an expansive room, full of pure white fluff. Fluffy sofas, fluffy chairs, fluffy rugs, even the walls. Everything was a fuzzy fluffy fluff. Except for the floor, where it reflected a flawless reflection of my flawless appearance like a still lake.

My one and only weakness. There wasn’t any time to waste trying to find the white fuzzy socks.

“WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!”

I sprinted forward and slid on the floor, softly colliding with the fluffy wall. Jewel approached me, her appearance upside-down, covering a hoof over her obvious yet hiding amusement. “I thought you said you weren’t a filly~”

“I’m not, I swear!” I flipped over and stood perfectly upright, my coat and mane still flawless from my… “filly episode”. “Just that I sort-of do that sometimes when I see a shiny floor-”

Something replaced my vision. A long hallway, similar to the one Jewel and I went through, except the walls were purple and gold. I could hear voices on either side of me… they were talking in a formal language to one another, one of them I could only hear say “dear sister”.

“Hello? Little Princess?”

“H-huh?!” I shook my head, nearly knocking my muzzle into Jewel’s hoof. “Ouf!”

“Oh, sorry, my deepest apologies. You are not hurt, correct?”

“No…” I scrunched my nose, my senses finally returning to me. “I… don’t know what happened…”

Jewel looked me over, not with suspicion, but with curiosity of what happened. “Maybe a bit too much sliding caused your mind to falter? Or… did you see something? Because something tells me you saw something. White eyes usually mean that.”

“Wait WHAT?!” What did she mean ‘white eyes’? “You mean I was possessed or something?”

A flawless and soft comforting wing rested against my back, instantly calming me down. “Now now… I’m sure we can figure this out. First… we have to see how well you are with magic. After all, all princesses have wonderfully perfect magic that can do wondrous things!” Jewel took a step back.

I shook my head. “I… tried. My horn is broken.” Right on cue, her pale yet perfectly formed horn glowed a bright rainbow. A small rainbow arced from her horn to what was left of mine.

“Here. Borrow some of my magic. It’s rainbow magic, and it’s more powerful than Celestia’s and Luna’s magic combined. I fought a corrupted Twilight who was possessed by Discord who was controlled by Sombra due to a rampage of timberwolves with that magic and won without any mistakes. I am certain you’ll be able to use magic now with that special enchantment that I was given so long ago as a gift for my hard work.”

The rainbow glow faded away, and the “newfound energy” feeling returned. My eyes widened in awe at her success. “How did you do that? That sounds really amazing and difficult to do…”

“Rainbows, darling, rainbows~! Shoot ‘em with rainbows and everything is good again!”

A flawless male voice echoed into the room, obviously mimicking Jewel. Jewel’s eyes sparkled (literally, you can see the sparkles radiating from her eyes) and hearts erupted from the top of her head. “ASTRAAAALLLL~!” She squealed, leaping into the dark blue stallion’s hooves as they engaged into a kiss. He had pointy ears and a smooth, elegant white mane and tail with piercing blue eyes.

Cue the Pretty White-Haired Charmer… which I’m not complaining. I stayed silent, refusing the urge to slide on the floor some more. The two broke away from their embrace and started talking.

“I overheard you talking to the new princess we have here. How good is she?”

“We’re still working on that… she’s one of the Rare Ones. Flawed to the bone, the poor thing. No magic, no flight from what I’ve seen when I showed her The Outlook Tree. Luckily she at least has amnesia, a tragic backstory, and has the looks to make ponies fawn over her, so she may just be~”

The stallion raised an eyebrow. “A Mary Sue?”

Jewel nodded, and from her voice I could easily tell she was grinning again. “Uh-huh! Imagine that! First new Princess character and already she can be a Mary Sue! The best kind too! Right now though, we may need to go see the Shaman.”

Astral glanced over at me with his shining icy blue eyes. “I believe there’s no need to. Your predicament would already be in her knowledge now… and in three, two, one~”

Hoofsteps galloped down the hallway outside. I hurried to the door, curious of who it was. A zebra stopped next to Astral, her white wings decorated with flawless black markings and beads around her neck that were full of perfect crystals and other perfect herbs that I’ve never seen before. “Jewel and Astral, am I glad to see you!”

The zebra nodded, then pulled out a yellowing and frayed scroll from her saddlebag. Everypony didn’t even blink why she had it with her. Other alicorns gathered around in awe, some of them looking at me, whispering to one another. I could only hear bits and pieces of what they were saying, nothing to

“The Two Thousand Year prophecy goes: ‘On the longest day of the second-thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and will bring freedom eternal with mane of stars and coat of night which has been weak, now strong.’”

Jewel and Astral looked at each other and then at me, joining on with the rest of the crowd of must have been thousands of ponies, most of them also being decorated with rainbows and neons. “Little Princess? Is that your name?” Shaman looked at me with emerald green eyes, full of undeniable wisdom.

“No… as a matter of fact, I don’t know who I am-”

“Nonsense, my little pony! I was only wondering if you knew. However, amnesia has an easy cure. I'm sure Jewel waited on you seeing me because you were so new and unbalanced with this new world.” Shaman laughed wisely and unfurled her wings once more, her wings glowing and a large crystal ball appearing in front of us. It was as big as I am. Shaman closed her eyes. “Mary Sues, Gary Stus, Cliches and Chosen Ones alike! I beckon for your perfect attention!” Her voice echoed and everypony stood flawlessly at the crystal ball, more and more ponies appearing out of thin air.

“Your real name is Princess Halo-Star Moonlight Skies the Mystical, daughter to Luna’s long-lost sister who is the Princess of the Stars, and Celestia’s long-lost nephew who is the Prince of Dusk and Dawn. You are the Princess of the Land and Sea, maintaining the biggest job of harmonizing the two and keeping natural disasters at bay. While he helped Celestia take care of Equestria (u know cuz she rarely does anythin in teh show), Stella would take care of you. However, a mysterious tragedy struck and not only are you trapped in the size of an adorable filly, but your parents disappeared as well when you were only five hundred years old. Under the care of Princess Luna, you have proven to be the best student at Celestia's School, saved Equestria from every villain twice, and mastered every skill. Despite that easy life, you were constantly haunted by dreams and visions of places elsewhere that would come up out of no-where, alerting you of impending doom. You didn't need guards as you were your own protector."

My mind barely gathered all that information by the time Shaman looked back at me with a smile. "So~ Looks like you are not only a Mary Sue, but a Pure Hearted one!"

Everypony gasped, most of them grinning and unable to contain their flawless excitement. Jewel's eyes widened. "Pure Hearted? You don't mean?"

Shaman nodded. "Yes. She is the one who Unites the three worlds together in this version of Equestria, something no-pony else has been able to do. Because we did not have the skills like she does. She is a Mary Sue, but with a bond to the Divine One, a spiritual bond that I have never seen before in my immortality."

As the two talked flawlessly, I glanced over at the charming Astral and tapped his shoulder. "Astral? I'm... still confused."

He shook his head and smiled, icy blues meeting mine. "I know, we all know. Although, the information here is often kept "secret". Everyone either knows it, or for those who are Rare, don't and are often confused about themselves. The three Shaman talked about are what keep this world together. They're only a teleportation away from here, so it's rather easy, but none of us have been able to find it's exact location."

"But you're a Gary Stu, and so is everypony else. Aren't you supposed to be all-mighty and powerful?"

"Yes, but there are Chosen Ones here as well. Hundreds of them, sometimes Self-Inserts of their Creators. I'm in fact one of the latter, but enough negativity struck my story that I ended up here because of my perfection. However, like every story, there are ones that... strike out more. Besides, like one of the haters on my story tried to say, 'If everyone is special, no one is.' Ugh, I hate those people, they just don't understand my Creator's perfection with creating characters." His face scrunched up in disgust.

"Princess Halo-Star Moonlight Skies the Mystical? May I say something?"

Shaman stood in front of me, her wings now folded at her sides again, her wise emerald green eyes now being the ones staring at me. "Since you have arrived here, there have been some similarities to your own world in which you came from before this one. You scarified yourself instead of Luna and you were banished to the moon for two thousand years instead of the Cliche Thousand Years. Coincidentally, instead you have landed here instead of your own world... likely because your story has been... deleted."

The flawless rainbow-tipped wing and a dark blue one overlapped on my back. "Shaman, we'd be honored to be Princess Halo-Star Moonlight Skies the Mystical's mentors, as she seemed to be in a Underdeveloped stage at the moment. When I first saw her, I immediately smoothed out the flaws within her that must've happened prior to her descent from the moon. I wish to be the one to teach her the powers necessary to take on this prophecy. Flawlessly, of course."

My head throbbed suddenly at the long info-filled conversations. "Ow..." With my magic I teleported to my bedroom and face-planted into the soft white fuzzy blanket on my fluffy bed. "I wasn't ready for this..." I said as I grabbed one end of the blanket and wrapped myself into a fuzzy white sushi-roll like the filly I am sometimes like inside. As much as I enjoyed succeeding my short-term mission so quickly and flawlessly, something within my still didn't like the fact I was stuck here. The way everypony else was acting perfect. I longed to be just like them, and it didn't seem to take much effort either. Jewel explained to me during my tour that life outside of Harmony Utopia is filled with "originality" and, therefore, flawed characters who call themselves "OCs". That sometimes original characters who won't fit as a cliche or a Sue/Stu are shunned. At the same time, there were Sues and Stus that had problems, yet with the help of the Power of Perfect Friendship, it can be fixed.

All this was both confusing... but slowly making more and more sense the less I thought about it logically.