A Voice Like Water

I awoke with the gentle sun on my face. It looked very beautiful when it shined through Water. I sighed contentedly before going to investigate the noise that had stirred me. A quartet of snow-white pony hooves were churning Water near the edge of the pool. A sun-shaped cutie mark became visible to me.

Oh mijn God,

Dit is niet goed.

'I just slept the night away in the freaking Princess of the Sun's swimming pool! And now she's SWIMMING IN IT! How the hell am I gonna explain this? She's probably gonna think I'm some sick pervert!'

'Alright, calm down, you just need to sneak out. You can avoid it all if she doesn't see you.'

(30 SECONDS LATER)

"By Mother and Father! GUARDS! GUARDS! There is an intruder in my pool!"

"SCHREEES! HRCHHSSSSS! HCHRSEEEEEESSS! SCHREEEEEEKSS!"

You see, what I'd meant to say was, 'I humbly apologise for invading your personal pool without your permission, Princess, could you find it in your heart to forgive me?' Unfortunately, in my haste to apologise, I forgot to change from water-voice to air-voice. The sad combination of open gills, wrong frequency, forked tongue, and shark teeth turned my normally harmonious voice into an unpleasant half-shriek, half-hiss. It really wasn't helping my case.

"Get away, beast! I do not wish to hurt you, but I will if I have to!"

"SCHISSSS! SCHRAARRSSHH!" Dammit! Mouth, Y U no work?

"What's going on here?" A white unicorn with a blue-striped mane ran up.

"Captain! GET. IT. AWAY!"

"With pleasure." His horn flared and I felt a powerful tug on my tail, pulling me out of the water. I instinctively latched onto the rim of the pool with my claws, carving deep furrows into the marble. The Captain grunted.

"He's a strong one, isn't he?"

"HHSSSGGGGRRRRRRR..." So was he. His pulling my tail was not helping me with my attempts to speak. I held on for dear life.

"CAPTAIN ARMOR! PUT HIM DOWN THIS INSTANT!" The booming voice of my favorite princess filled the
courtyard. He obliged so quickly that I fell to the stone floor with a loud FLOP. Both the princesses looked furious, I had the feeling that a battle of the gods was about to take place. Me and the Captain both cowered in fear.

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT TO KEEP PETS IN THE CASTLE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION? REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE SPIDER?"

"HE'S NOT A PET, HE'S A GUEST!"

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU HAVE HIM STAY IN ONE OF THE GUEST ROOMS RATHER THAN PUTTING HIM IN MY POOL?"

"I OFFERED BUT HE DECLINED! AND FURTHERMORE..."

"Dames? If I may?" I decided to put a stop to this before they started hurling fireballs or something. I turned to the Sun Princess. "Princess Celestia, I humbly apologise for invading your personal pool without your permission, could you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

The Sun sighed and brought a hoof to her face, but visibly softened. "Fine. Luna, I expect a full explanation at breakfast. Now, everyone leave so I can enjoy my morning swim in peace." Nopony was in the mood to argue.

Luna still seemed considerably angry. Once we were out of hearing distance of Celestia, she rounded on me.

"Of all the bodies of water you could have picked, you picked TIAS POOL? Why couldn't you have just stayed in my quarters like I said? I've been looking for you ever since lowering the moon, THREE HOURS AGO!" The force of her voice actually blew my mane back.

"Mijn excuses, Luna. I couldn't sleep, so I wandered around for a little while, then I saw the water, and it just happened." I wrung my claws. I'd done something without thinking about the consequences, and now I was gonna pay for it.

Surprisingly, she just huffed. "Grr. You are SOOO lucky your accent is cute."

I'm getting off scott-free because of the way I talk?

Seems legit.

(LATER, A FEW MINUTES BEFORE BREAKFAST)

"But what if she doesn't like me?"

"You'll be fine, Zeeslang. Tia makes friends easily, and as far as she knows, this is just another one of my antics. She was just cranky because it was early and she doesn't like people disturbing her when she's swimming."

We were back in her quarters, and she was 'helping' me get dressed, which to her meant sitting on her bed staring as I sifted through my human bag looking for something that still fit. As I had no legs, pants were out the window, and my head was now too big to fit any of the shirts. Eventually, I decided to just see what DID fit, and wear it all at once. That list encompassed three items: My belt, my coat, and my police harness. Suddenly, a spark of curiosity brings me to speak.

"Loons, where did you get all this stuff?"

"What? Is something missing?

"Nee, thats not what I meant. I mean, these items are all mine, and that's what confuses me. You would have needed to sneak into my room at the pub, collect my things, and get out. And I didn't meet you until later."

"That, is a long story, Zeeslang."

I buckled the belt just above my mating clasps. "We have nothing but time right now, Engel."

She sighed and began. "About three weeks ago, using an ancient spell, I journeyed to Earth. The same rule that dictates you cannot be human here applies to Earth as well, hence the human form."

"Three weeks? Jeetje. Wait, how did an mare like you, fresh from Eden, survive a single day on Earth? Madison isn't the nicest city for an innocent girl like you to be just wandering around in. No offense."
`

She raised an eyebrow. "I had guards, Zeeslang."

"Ah, Ik zie. Nevermind."

"Anyway, I had one mission: Find my pawn. The first two weeks were spent mostly on research, internet,
television, things of that nature. By the way, what did you think of my Matrix reference?"

"It was very thorough. Voortzetten." I waved for her to continue.

"Do you remember LunaTunes2137?"

I did. LunaTunes was a hit I'd gotten recently on a dating website I used. Honestly, I'd forgotten I had an account until it pinged me about her. We chatted a few times, before it got weird and she started asking strange questions, like where I lived and if I was a virgin. "Let me guess; that was you."

"Correct. I looked at your profile and liked what I saw. The internet is so useful for finding people."

'It wouldn't be the first time I've been stalked.' "Why didn't you just find me right away, then? You could have just grabbed me and left."

"I needed to confirm a few things first. When I was crying, despite that I was a complete stranger, you comforted me. When I kissed you that first time, despite my beauty, you were hesitant. That shows good moral fiber. That man I created was a test to see how good you were in combat. You not only succeded in protecting me, but dispatched the man without permanent injury to him or any injury to yourself whatsoever."

I buckled the police harness. It once held my badge, my radio, and my gun. Now it held nothing, a testament to my failure. I'd been a hero once. Cracked dozens of cases, brought in criminals almost every week. Eight years on the force and I was the best of the best. Chief Inspecteur of the Amsterdam Afdeling van de Politie. Now...

"Dank u for bringing me here, Luna. It is everything you promised."

"It was no problem, considering I needed you just as much. If everything goes to Tartarus, I will need somepony on my side who is just as powerful as those who are not. I have high expectations for you, Zeeslang. Do not dissapoint me."

I gave a mock salute. "Ja, Mevrouw."

She giggled. "But, I digress. The next week I spent tracking you down. On your profile it said you were a singer and worked at a pub in Madison. So I asked around. About the third or fouth pub I went to, I asked if they had any singers. The manager...Mike, told me they had a band with a singer. So I waited. That night, when you got up on stage, from the moment you opened your mouth I knew you were the one. While I was seducing you, my guards broke into your apartment and grabbed everything they could carry. They then left a note saying that you eloped with me and that they should not be concerned with your sudden disappearance."

"Hmm. I guess you thought of eveything."

"Unlike my sister, I think before I do things. I wager that when she gets her pawn, She'll just walk into the first coffee shop she sees and pick the first brony she meets."

"I wouldn't know."

I slipped my arms into my brown trenchcoat. I was glad it still fit. It was my fathers, he had given it to me when I left for college. Later in life, it had become part of my plainclothes uniform. And still later, I wore it when I killed my first man.

"How do I look?" I spun in a little circle, giving the princess a full view.

"Presentable."

"That's it? I was expecting something more along the lines of 'Wonderbaar' "

She rolled her eyes "Not even close."

I pretended to be hurt. "Not even schoon?"

"Not even schoon."

We made our way to the stairs, before I realized I forgot something. Luna continued on into the dinig room as I slithered back to her room as quickly as I could, and started rifling through my bag again. After about a half a minute of searching, my claws closed around the cold silver of my rosary. I didn't like to go anywhere without it, now was no exception. I had the strange feeling I would need the Lord on my side for this ordeal. As I attempted pull it out of the bag, it got stuck on somehing. I pulled harder. Eventually, it came loose. There, dangling from the chain, was a gun.

Walther P5, 9-millimeter semi-automatic, recoil operated, locked breach, 8-round clip. Official standard-issue pistol of the Netherlandse Politie. I could tell because I'd spent years with one of these strapped under my shoulder. This was the gun with which I shed my first blood. This was the gun that I'd reaped my first soul with.

This particular specimen had a gold finish and an intricately carved ivory handle. Numbly, I hit the clip release and checked the magazine. It was full. In my shock I barely registered the small note attached to the firearm by a string. When I did, I grabbed it and flipped it over, reading the messy scrawl.

Dear Zeeslang,

Happy Birthday! I hope you like your present! Spread some chaos for me!

Hugs and Kisses,

Discord

P.S. Lets keep this our little secret, hmm?

'Hugs and Kisses? What is that duivel up to? He wants me to keep this a secret, well we'll see about that, Discord, I'll tell Luna after breakfast. Wait, no, he's using reverse psychology. Telling the princesses would only cause a bigger ruckus than if I were to hide it and not use it. Clever, Discord, but I've been dealing with criminelen like you ever since I got out of college.'

Indeed, the combination of a 196 IQ and a degree in criminal studies, plus the fact that my new serpent brain felt, for lack of a better word, roomier, I managed to catch the draconequus's plan fairly easily. If he decides to become my enemy he will find himself running for his money, like so many before him. I spent almost my entire professional career hunting serial criminals. And by that, I don't mean guys who steal Froot Loops. Serial rapists, serial arsonists, serial killers, you name it, I've put them behind bars. The Amsterdam Aars-man, The Bolshevik Butcher, or even my personal nemesis, The Cotton Candy Carver, all of them I put the cuffs on myself, or in the last ones case, shot her dead.

Speaking of shooting, I still had to worry about this little tool of death I had been given. I couldn't just throw it away, someone might find it, and, God forbid, figure out how to use it. I could take it apart and scatter the pieces, but that would require a freedom I do not possess right now. I can't just leave it in the backpack, I'd already caught Luna sniffing around in it, it's a miracle she hadn't found it already. So I took the only course of action.

'Fuck it, I'll deal with it later.' I tucked the instrument of death into the shoulder holster of my harness, slipped the rosary over my head, and made my way down the hall to the dining room. Luna had gone ahead when I told her I forgot something, no dought she was running interference for me. I slid down the railing of the stairs on my tail, for lack of legs. Spiral staircases are fun as shit.

"You spin me right round baby,

Right round, like a record,

Baby, right round, round, round."

I only got out that lyric before I made it to the bottom. I composed myself, gave myself the quick once-over.

"Alright, chums-up. Lets do this." I said quietly to myself. I haven't been this nervous since I met my girlfriends parents that one time. Not that Luna is my girlfriend, or anything.

I entered the foyer, where the princesses and the other guests were waiting. It was still only ten o' clock. Perfect time for breakfast. I put on my gentleman's face.

"Ah, Mr. Zeeslang. You made it, just in time." I took a quick glance around the room, Luna, Princess Cadence, Shining Armor, two ponies I did not recognise, and the one who had addressed me, Celestia herself. Cool as rain, I slithered up to her, bowed, took her hoof in a claw, and kissed it gently.

"You will find I am not one to keep ladies waiting."

"I see," Was all she said, though seeming a bit flustered. "Shall we make our way to the dining room?" There was a general nod of consent among the gathered ponies.

And so we did. There was the slight dilemma of how I would sit down with no legs, but eventually I just curled my tail up in the chair. We washed our eating appendages in the provided bowls, or in the unicorns and alicorns cases, stood waiting for us to finish.

When that was done, the food was brought out. It truly was a feast fit for royalty. Salads, sandwiches, fruit cocktails, even piles of hay were to be found on the dishes brought out by the waiters. I realised something.

"Luna, what do I eat?"

Celestia answered for her. "Don't worry, Zeeslang, we had specialty dishes prepared beforehand. You will not have to eat any of this pony food unless you want to. Ah, here they are now."

"Of course. How silly of me. I will likely try it anyway, it looks delicious."

I had actually meant 'What do sea serpents eat?' but sure enough, a griffin wearing a waiters tuxedo walked in, balancing a covered silver platter. He placed it in front of me and removed the cover, revealing a steak roughly the size of Australia, sprinkled with some sort of glittery blue salt that I found instantly appetizing. On the side was a pair of eggs over-easy, a muffin of some sort dotted with red spots similar to the salt on the steak, and a small bowl of.... diamonds. Well...in the show, dragons ate gems... so...sea serpents eat them too? One thing still bugged me though. I picked up a fork and poked the steak lightly. I looked at Celestia.

"Did it talk?" I gave her a worried look. She gave me a strange look in turn, like someone who has been pleasantly surprised, but also skeptical.

"You surprise me Zeeslang. Not many carnivores care where their meat comes from. To answer your question, no, it's imported from Gem Fido. Non-sentient."

"Ah, good..." I cast a hesitant glance around. Everypony but the celestial princesses had stiffened at the word 'carnivore' and were now staring at either me or my meal with wide eyes.

"Really, Zeeslang, there's no need to be so hesitant. You're among worldly ponies who understand thats some creatures needs are different than others. Please, enjoy your meal. And be careful not to eat the silverware." I decided to ignore the stares. I was hungry, it looked delicious, and it wasn't sapient.

I did a cross over my chest, folded my claws in front of me and said a simple prayer.

"Ik dank de Heer voor deze maaltijd, en door zijn wil kan ik eet meer zoals deze."

Hesitantly, I sawed off a chunk of the massive steak. The blue salt glittered. It must be a powdered gemstone of some kind. Careful not to bite the fork, I slipped the chunk of meat into my mouth.

I no longer had molars, so I let it sit there for a moment, rather than chewing. When my saliva finally soaked into it, the taste hit me like a brick wall. On a semi-truck. Not only was the meat itself cooked perfectly, but the gem dust, that I now instinctively recognised as powdered sapphire, gave it a slightly fruity taste, almost like raspberry. It was so good, it was all I could do not to snatch the steak up in my claws, shove it into my maw, and swallow it whole. While it would have fit, I forced myself to take medium sized chunks, accenting the entree with bites of the ruby-studded muffin and the eggs, as well as sips from my wineglass. In this way, I managed to pace my meal almost perfectly.

As I cut small bites from the slab of meat, the stares slowly subsided and the tension thinned. Obviously attempting to spark a conversation, the blue-maned unicorn I knew as Shining Armor spoke up. "In case you were wondering, Zeeslang, this is my girlfriend, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,"

"It is an honor to meet you princess." I gave a sort of half-nod, half-bow.

He continued. "And these are my fellow captains,Captain Barricade Shy of the Pegasi Corps, and Captain Harbinger Doom of the Earth Pony Battalion."

"Those are very impressive names. Mevrouw Shy, do you perhaps have any relation to Fluttershy of Ponyville?"

She gave me a slightly hostile look. "What do you know about my daughter?"

"I know that she the bearer of the Element of Kindness." 'Hopefully that's common knowlege or I'm screwed.' She visibly softened and turned back to her meal.

Another silence filled the room as we all attended to our bellies needs.

It was eventually broken by my patron princess, who tapped a spoon against her glass, as if to make an announcement. We all stopped eating to look at her.

"As you all know, we invited you here today concerning a guest in our midst, the honorable Mr. Zeeslang. We brought him here because we found him capable in both body, mind, and spirit. So, in light of his abilities, and of recent events, we found it prudent to, as they say 'Catch two griffins in one net'."

Celestia looked half-shocked, half-horrified. "Sister, you can't be suggesting?"

Luna nodded gravely. "Indeed I am. If we are to keep the kingdom safe, we will need a powerful, loyal mortal, free from the restrictions of rank and citizenship..."

"Dramatic pause." I chimed in, ruining the moment.

She glared at me before continuing. "We will need... A Mustang."

Many gasps were had. Shining Armor gained composure first. "Princess, there hasn't been a Mustang in over a thousand years!"

"There hasn't been need of a Mustang in over a thousand years. But have you seen the state of the world? Hydra attacks in Wethoof, Griffon uprisings in the north, Diamond dogs snapping at our borders, need I go on? Just the other week, a few ponies were almost kidnapped by diamond dogs. We need somepony, or someserpent, who we can count on."

"I am not familiar with these 'Mustangs'. Perhaps someone could enlighten me?"

Luna turned to me as heavy silence filled the air. "The Mustangs were warriors that answered directly to the royal sisters. During times of crisis, the strongest, fastest, and most intelligent in the kingdom were called upon to serve as peacekeepers for Equestria and her borders. They were given almost unlimited power, resources, and diplomatic immunity. In return they kept Equestria safe. This, is the responsibility I wish to give to you."

Speech time. "I was a peacekeeper of sorts, a long time ago. I hunted people who did bad things, and I made sure they couldn't do them anymore, one way or another. I did so because I was those things: Strongest, smartest, fastest. But sometimes, It wasn't enough. And those times still haunt me to this day. If you give me this power, this responsibility, then I believe I can make the most of it. I can be the best I can be."

Luna addressed her co-ruler. "What do you say, Sister? I can't give him this alone."

Celestia, who had been staring blankly, came back to Equestria. "While I trust your judgement, Luna, I will need to... get to know Zeeslang better. I must know if he is capable. And I am still reluctant as to an official title as well. Would not creating a Mustang be like admitting something was wrong?"

Once again, I put in my two bits. "Where I come from, the worst leaders are the ones who pretended nothing was wrong when it was. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. Surely your ponies have gotten wind of the state of things. If it's publicity you're worried about, doing something about it will only make you look more capable, more benevelent."

"Hmmm.... That does make sense, but so far Luna is the only one who has seen you 'In action' so to speak. Perhaps we could...." She trailed off.

Shining Armor piped up. "We could arrange a spar later this afternoon!"

"If Zeeslang agrees, I see no reason not to. After tea then?"

"After tea." Me and Shining Armor replied at the same time. We turned to each other and simultaneously gave each other mischevious looks. 'Payback time.'

(AFTER DINNER, AT TEA TIME)

"So then I said to her 'I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you!" I downed the rest of my tea to peals of laughter.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! (cough) HAHAHAHAHA!" Shiny was literally choking.

"There was this one mare down in Germaney who was being all coy, so I was like 'I'm no weather pony, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight!'" Harbinger quoted.

"OHOHOHOHO, NO MORE, NO MORE!"

Much to everyone's amusement, even Barry had one. "There was this stallion, up in Hoofington, I think, he says to me," She lowered her voice comically, striking a broad-shouldered stallion pose. "'I'm not into casual sex.' And you know what I said? I said, 'Oh, lemme put a dress on and we'll call it formal sex.'"

"HA! If only you had been that forward when we were takin' down thoshe manticoresh that one time. Youd'a had 'em running for the hillsh by daybreak!"

Now, even Cady was in on it. "I was hanging out with Twilight at the library when some stallion used this one. You're not gonna believe this: 'I should've brought my library card, because I'm checking you out.'"

"OH, MOTHER AND FATHER, THAT'S HORRIBLE!" Luna exclaimed with a mix of shock and amusement on her face.

To everyones surprise, even Tia joined in. Using her best story tellers voice:

"Once upon a time, I was pretending to be a Unicorn down in Trottingham, when a stallion comes up to me and asks me where I'm from. I say, "Canterlot." I kid you not, he replies, "Oh, is that close to Bangtown?"

After that one, we laughed for almost five minutes straight. When we were done, I made eye contact with Cadence too long and we all laughed for another few minutes. After that, I wiped a tear of mirth from my snout.

"Oh, I haven't laughed like that in a long time, a long time..."

"Shing ush a shong Zshee!" Harby was starting to slur from the copious amounts of schnapps he was pouring into his tea. For such an insanely large pony, he was a bit of a lightweight. Seriously, he's within a few inches of Celestia's height with her horn, about as thick as an oak tree to boot, and he can barely take a few cups of spiked tea.

Tia seconded the motion. "Yes, please, I've been curious. Luna told me your singing is.... what was the word she used? Intoxicating?"

I winked at Luna. "Did she now? Well, I always aim to please." I stood from my cushion and slid to the window overlooking the balcony, ignoring Luna's blush. A peal of violin music filled the air.

"Where is that music coming from?"

"Shhh, it's starting."

I started tapping the tip of my tail on the floor to the beat, then turned and began sliding around the room in a circle. I was nothing if not a showman.

Now I'm home but I cannot stay

I dream of you every day

Got to know every inch of you

Will you make my dream come true?

There's no place like home they say

You're my home so hear me pray

I don't know you but I need more time

Promise me you'll be mine

Birds are flying over Europe skies

Tell me please, why can't I?

I took Cadence by a hoof and began to waltz quickly around the room with her. She giggled like a little girl. I dipped her, then spun her into Shiny's hooves. He caught her and she gave him a peck on the lips, then, by unspoken consent, they began dancing around the room.

With a claw, I offered Barry a dance. She obliged, and we spun for a bit before I passed her gently to an inebriated Harby, and they began to dance as well. I turned to the princesses, tapping their hooves to the beat as I sang to them:

Times have changed but so have I

I view my life through your eyes

On the go in my tourist's shoes

But I'll stay truthful to you

'Cause there's no place like home they say

You're my home so I guess I'll stay

I don't know you but I need more time

Promise me you'll be mine

Birds are flying over Europe skies

Tell me please, why can't I?

I offered a claw to Luna, but she shook her head. I turned to Tia. She hesitated a moment before rolling her eyes and allowing herself to be swept up into the sprightly waltz. I dipped her and got uncomfortably close to her muzzle, looking almost like I meant to kiss her. But, of course, I didn't. I instead threw her bodily at a surprised Luna. The three couples began to spin around me, dancing in a circle as I raised my arms, spinning opposite them as I finished the song:

I don't know you but I need more time

Promise me you'll be mine

Birds are flying over Europe skies

Tell me please, why can't I?

I held the last note until I ran out of breath. The violins continued long after, so I lowered my arms and tapped the tip of my tail against the floor to the beat, wearing a somber expression as I waited for them to cut out. When they did, The gathered ponies stopped their dancing with dazed expressions, almost as if they hadn't know what they were doing.

"Well, that was interesting." Tia said, looking like she enjoyed herself.