Team Fortress 2. Equestria's Robot Invasion.

Team Fortress 2. Equestria's Robot Invasion.
Chapter 1. Gathering the Team.

Equestria, Ponyville.

It's been a quiet morning in Ponyville. Princess Celestia just finished raising the sun, waking the civilians of Equestria from their deep slumber after celebrating Nightmare Night. There was one pony, however, that didn't have quite a comforting night's rest.

"Twilight! Twilight! Open up!" The panicking pony started ramming her hooves against Twilight Sparkle's library door.

"Ughh... Pinkie. It's six in the morning. What do you want?" A sleepy Twilight opened the door.

"Well, I was at Fluttershy's cottage last night. And, and, and uhh... I heard some noises coming from the forest when I was heading back home. So I went and took a look around." Pinkie Pie quickly explained.

"And?" Twilight replied.

"What I saw there... It wasn't pretty Twilight."

"What was it?" The subject started to peak the purple unicorn's interest.

"Are you super-duper sure you want to know?" Pinkie Pie started getting closer to Twilight every second.

"Uh-huh." Twilight nodded.

"Aliens." Pinkie Pie whispered in her ear as seriously as possible while waving around her hooves frantically.

"A-Aliens...?" Twilight responded unimpressed. "Is this another one of your pranks with Rainbow Dash?"

"No! I swear Twilight! There really is something in the forest. I just can't explain it. You have to see it for yourself!" Pinkie tried to convince her friend.

"Yes, I'm sure there is something in the forest and I'll gladly come and check it out with you. But not right now, it’s been a long night and I'm still trying to get the candy out of my mane from your pranks yesterday." Twilight Sparkle was simply too tired from last night’s event to take a trip to the Everfree Forest right now.

"B-but what if the aliens come and take over Ponyville!" Pinkie Pie was still worried.

"Yeah, like that'll happen. There's no such thing as aliens Pinkie. Just go home and take a nap as well. You look tired."

"Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?! Oh no, I'm going to fix this myself if I have to. Don't forget that I've warned you! Spread the word around Ponyville while I save us all!" Pinkie Pie chirped determinately and started heading back to the forest, where the creatures she guessed to be aliens still reside.

"I still think it's a prank again." Twilight said to herself after shutting the door. Little did she know that one of the invaders had already found a way inside her home.

"BEEP BOOP."

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Several days earlier. United States of America, somewhere in Texas.

Three years have passed since the last time the BLU- 'Builders Leauge United' faced off against the RED- 'Reliable Excavation Demolition'. The BLUs were mysteriously fired one day without given any notice. They were just given a large sum of money and were asked never to return or talk of their experiences there ever again. Since they were not given a choice but ordered, they couldn't do anything but agree with their demands. So the team split up, and never spoken with each other ever since.

Dell Conagher, otherwise known as the Engineer always resented the Mann. Co. for the way they parted. The Respawn and nearly all of the weapons were all designed and created by him, and he was only given some millions of dollars in return. Some things are more important than money, and for the Engineer the most important thing of all were his inventions. They belonged to him, and not the Mann. Co.

But what does it matter? Everyone else seems to be happy. At least Engineer hadn't heard anyone complain. He's even seen Heavy on the news a few times. Apparently he's pretty famous. But whatever, for one day, ONE DAY, Engineer will have his revenge and take back what rightfully belongs to him.

"Dag-nabbit, never thought ah'd miss that darn RED Spy." Engineer sighed as he was taking out the trash. With all the money he was given he was able to buy quite a large house down in Texas. The weather's nice, so are the people. But there was still a vast emptiness in Engineer's heart. He'll worry about that later, but for now he hoped those damn raccoons hadn’t raid the dumpster again.

The moment Engineer walked in the alleyway he felt a strange tension in the air, a certain atmosphere of pure killing-intent. Something Engineer had not experienced in years. Was it a monster raccoon? No... It was something much greater.

"Show yer face stranger. Yer not scaring anyone." Engineer said confidently preparing to defend his property.

It was clear there was someone lurking in the shadows. But he made sure Engineer couldn’t get a good look at him. "One step closer maggot and they'll have to scrape your bits from the roof!" A voice barked defensively.

"Woah! Calm down pardner. Ya just take it easy while ah go an- Wait a minute... Ah recognize that voice!" Engineer replied excitedly.

"You don't know anything! Get away from me Bilbo Baggins!" The unknown person shouted.

"Woah, calm down Solly. Let's just sit down and calmly talk about this like adult men."

"You maggots think you can fool me! I've discovered your dirty schemes years ago! And now you'll pay the price for your ignorance and stupidity!" Solly replied.

"What the hell are ya talkin' about? Ya got hit in the head again or something? And why the hell are you in mah dumpster?"

"This is headquarters as it has been for the past two years Private! And a dirty robot like you is in no position to ask me questions!"

"Dag-nabbit! It's been almost four years now! There ain't any damn robots. It's all in that thick head of yers Soldier." Engineer facepalmed.

"Ahah! You're saying that now, but then how do you explain that mechanical arm HUH? Looks very robot-like to me!" Soldier barked once again, but now from inside the dumpster he picked up a crudely constructed garbage-firing rocket launcher and pointed it at his former teammate whom he guessed to be a evil robot.

"Woah woah! We had to return our weapons years ago. How the hell did ya get that?" Engineer backed away slightly because that thing looks like it might misfire. "Did ya made that yerself?"

"I'm the one asking the questions here maggot!"

"Dag-nabbit Jane! Ya know that mah right arm got replaced with this thing. It's the damn Gunslinger remember? It allowed me to create mini-sentries back on the battlefield." Engineer desperately tried to convince his former teammate.

"Hmm. You get one chance to prove to me that you're human. Just start bleeding." Soldier was certain this was the only way for Engineer to prove that he is in fact a human being.

"Shut up!" Engineer didn't feel like he needed to explain, thus he slapped Soldier on the back of his head. "Is this what ya reduced yerself to? Living in mah dumpster conspiring about damn robots all day?"

Soldier was clearly annoyed by the Engineer smacking his head, but for some reason it allowed him to think more clearly and recognize his old friend. But the thoughts about robots kept lingering in his mind. "I've got proof..." He replied quietly.

"Wha- Whaddya mean ya got proof?"

"Come inside... and I'll show you." Soldier slowly lowered himself back inside his hiding place.

"Ya want me to come inside... your dumpster?"

"Just get in you damn Canadian!" Soldier quickly grabbed Engineer and dragged him inside. The dumpster was as small as you might imagine it to be. Both of them could barely fit in, yet Soldier seems to have lived here for more than two years.

Soldier lit a candle next, revealing his face to be covered in dirt. The grenades Soldier carried around before during their time in Teufort were replaced by old rusty cans. Even his helmet looked like it was picked right out from this trash can. Another big detail Engineer could notice as the candle was lit was the fact the walls were completely covered in pictures, some strange articles from an Australian newspaper and the word 'TOBOR' written everywhere. There was no empty space on the walls in this small dumpster.

"If ya were livin' in mah dumpster for two years... why didn't ya just tell me?" Engineer asked.

"I had to make sure... I wasn't certain if you'd been replaced yet. That's their intention! I found all of these pictures on Foundry! You've also seen the strange articles back at Teufort didn't you? Mann. Co. always asked you to build things. Did they ever mention anything about robots? I'm so close to putting the final pieces together."

"Ah guess they asked me to make some rough sketches of mechanical versions of ourselves one time... But ah never actually build anything like that. An' who else can do such a thing down there?"

"Hmm, yes. As I expected. We're close Private. Very close. It's definitely sure that we've been replaced by robots! But for what reason, that's what I want to find out. Did you really accept the fact we just got suddenly fired that day? Don't you hate them just as much as I do?" Soldier asked.

"Ah don't care what yer saying. Hate is a strong word. Ah’m sure they had their reasons. But ah guess it would've been nice if ah could've kept my toys rather than all this money. Speaking of which... Weren't you given the same amount as me? Why are ya living in mah damn dumpster if you're a millionaire!?" Engineer replied.

"You remember Merasmus?"

"The magician?"

"Yeah that sissy. He didn't help me pay the rent so we got kicked out!"

"Why the hell would ya need help paying rent for that crappy apartment with the millions of dollars ya have?"

"... I might have left my money on the bus."

"Ya left yer briefcase with millions of dollars..."

"Hmm hmm." Soldier nodded.

"On the bus..."

"MAGGOT THAT MONEY HOLDS NO MEANING TO ME! The only thing I want is revenge and my damn weapons back! This thing keeps misfiring randomly."

"Ahd fix it for ya but we don't have the materials right here."

"Exactly! That's why you and me! We go back to Teufort in Australia and look for more clues! After we find what we need we're going back to wherever the Mann. Co. resides now and blow them all up! Rightful vengeance!"

"Ah meant we could drive over to the Home Depot and get some stuff to fix yer gun. But ah like this plan as well. Even though ah still think yer crazy. The fact that Mann. Co. fired us so suddenly always bothered me. So ah want some darn answers."

"So we're going?" Soldier asked excitedly.

"Yep. But ah got an even better idea. We first go and collect the rest of the BLU. Ah'm pretty sure they also want their guns back."

"Hmm... I'm not sure about that. I mean we didn't get to pick our team when we first got there. You really want a German Nazi and a French sissy in our group?"

"Dag-nabbit! Ah don't care what ya think of them. We've been fightin' alongside them for years and ya better don't forget about that. We're a team and it'll always stay like that. And no one is as strong a team as the Builder Leauge United!" Engineer stated.

"Ughh... I guess. As long we can destroy those damn robots I'm happy."

"Good. Now let's get the hell outta this crummy dumpster. We're going on a big trip tomorrow." Engineer jumped out and dragged Solly with him to his house, making final preparations before spontaneously going on a road trip.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

United States of America. Boston.

By the power of modern technology the Engineer and Soldier managed to locate the positions of most the former BLU members, quite easy actually. It was pretty convenient that nearly all of them had Facebook. Soldier and Engineer took the Texan's truck and started driving towards the closest target, which was Scout.

If one can believe his Facebook page, he's been doing pretty good. There are lots of pictures of fine looking women beside him. But according to his Twitter, he's currently located in the mall. So the two professional stalkers; Engi and Solly, started heading there as well. As they arrived they carefully took cover behind a large indoor plant for no apparent reason. Soldier just mentioned the last time he was in a mall with Scout, it didn't end pretty and he had to fight for his honor while being dressed as Santa-Claus.

"Ah don't get why we need to be so sneaky. He's right over there! Why can't we just approach him and tell him our story? Ah’m sure he'll tag along." Engineer said.

"We can't be sure how advanced these robots are. They could be anyone here, even me!" Soldier answered.

"You and yer darn robots... Fine, let's just eavesdrop for a bit, then."

And so they did. They both followed Scout into a Mac store where he was apparently planning to buy some stuff, or something else. Scout always has been an unpredictable individual.

Scout was approaching at what he thought to be a female employee at the store. Never had a man walked more overconfident as this.

"Excuse me ma'am? Yes hi. Do ya know who I am?" Scout asked.

"Well no. Not r-" The woman was interrupted.

"Yeah doesn't matter. As you can see I'm in desperate need of some new earbuds as my previous ones have seem to have melted inside my skull. That explains most of the blood, which isn't mine. Are you following me?"

"I- Uhh... I have no idea."

"I'll have some new earbuds, babe." Scout tried to say as charmingly as possible.

"Oh okay. We have some right he-" The woman was interrupted again.

"OH YOU MEAN THIS ONE! NHFF!" Scout started making some awkward body movements.

"I... I don't know what's happening right now. Are you flexing?"

"What? No...." Scout answered. Must flex harder he thought. "I was just... RRG! Casually pointing at these particular ones. This is my... RHNGF! Natural pointing stance."

"Oh, okay. That's them there, you found it."

"Yeah I did!" Scout laughed. Ha! Ol' Flexy never fails.

"Fine. I'll just get my husband so you can pay them off. I don't actually work here. He owns the store."

"H-husband? On second thought. I don't like Apple. See ya!" And Scout left just as fast as he came in.

Meanwhile behind a random plant Soldier and Engineer were still following Scout.

"Ya still think he's a robot, Solly?" Engineer asked.

"Nah, he's too stupid to be one. But there's still something off."Soldier replied.

"Yeah, ah guess so. He doesn’t really look like a millionaire. Anyway, let's go talk to him." Engineer said. And as he did both he and Soldier started heading towards the unknowing Scout.

"Hey boy! Long time no see!" Engineer shouted.

"Woah woah! Engi! Solly! What are you guys doing h-" Scout responded but was rudely interrupted.

"TAKE COOOOVER!" Soldier suddenly shot a barrage of rockets from his dumpster-made rocket launcher.

"FUUUUUUUU-" The impact of one of the missiles managed to launch Scout through the air, as he was flying he couldn't help but remember the good ol' times. The other two remaining missiles blew up a pizzeria slightly further and the people inside the mall started fleeing outside, thinking a terrorist attack is happening or something.

"Woah woah! What the hell man? I haven't even finished greeting you and you already think I'm a Spy?" Scout dragged himself up and started complaining to Soldier.

"Nngghh. Can't be sure enough. But it looks like you're bleeding. You pass... for now." Soldier replied quietly.

"Yeah ignore Solly for a while. He's gone a bit crazy in the head if ya ask me. We're just here to ask ya some questions if that's alright?" Engineer asked.

"Shoot." Scout answered.

But Engineer was never able to ask his questions as an angry-looking Italian person with quite a large mustache started approaching them.

"Why would you blow up the Luigi's Pizza Place?" He asked with the most stereotypical Italian accent ever.

"Uhh, Luigi. Listen man. These guys ar-" Scout was interrupted.

"No, no! You bring the Luigi bad luck! He first find the fast boy Keith and he goes deliver the pizzas very fast. Make the customers very happy! Luigi finally started making the good moneys, then you and your friends blow up the Luigi's life-long work!" The Italian said angrily.

"Dude! You haven't even been in the USA for two months!" Scout replied.

"Luigi doesn't care. You're fired. And Luigi is calling the police!" The Italian reached out to his cellphone.

"SCREAMING EAGLES!" Soldier suddenly leaped into the air and equipped a shovel he was 'borrowing' from a nearby store. He struck the mustached man right in the face, knocking him out instantly. As the Italian fell to the ground Soldier quickly went ahead and stole his chef's hat.

"Solly! What the hell do ya think yer doing? We're getting the entire US army after us if ya keep doing dumb stuff like this." Engineer quickly pulled Soldier aside before he could cause more collateral damage.

Suddenly loud sirens could be heard in the distance startling the three former BLU members.

"Oh shit! It's the cops! They'll never let me go for this one. We need to get the hell out of here; I don't care whatever it was you're asking. I'm going with you two and you're paying for everything I need." Scout wanted to get away as quickly as possible for some reason.

"Don't ya have any money left from what the Mann. Co. gave us?" Engineer asked.

"We were supposed to get money? Oh man. I overslept that day and everyone was gone and so were my guns!" Scout ended with a sigh.

"Don't matter. That's exactly what we're retrieving. We're off to Europe next. We'll need our good ol' friend the Demolition Man." Engineer ended the conversation.

And so the three former BLU's ran away as quickly as they could, Avoiding the law for now. There were much more important things going on. Their next stop was Scotland, so they swam! All across the Atlantic Ocean.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Somewhere in the Scottish Highlands. An enormous mansion overlooking Loch Ness.

"For the last time, mum. I don't have to go to work. It's me morning off." The eye-patch wearing black Scotsman named Tavish DeGroot , put simply as Demoman, explained.

"Morning off?! Oh, Lord help me! You've been fired, I knew it!" Demoman's mother (who is completely blind.) replied, worried about this 'morning off'.

"It's just one morning mum." Demoman said while pouring a cup of tea.

"Oh well. That's fine then, I'm sure. I just wish yer poor old da' could take a morning off... from spinnin' in his grave at yer idleness!" Mum responded.

"For gods sake mum! I know that I got fired from the Mann. Co., but I'm still holding down four jobs and I'm still awaiting approval for another job overseas."

"Ha! Four jobs? Tavish, your father, god rest his soul, had twenty-six jobs and still had time to teach ye the family trade!"

"I'm making more money than ever before. I solely made twenty-million dollar just this year. We live in a bloody mansion atop Loch Ness for God’s sake!"

"WHO TOLD YE TO BUY A BLOODY MANS-" Mum was interrupted as someone started violently knocking on the door.

"Ughh. On me only mornin' off they still manage to bother me." Demoman sighed as he dragged himself to the front door.

But there he saw them. Soldier, Engineer and Scout looking quite exhausted. Suddenly, strange thoughts entered Demoman's mind. How long has it been since he had the time to casually enjoy a Scrumpy? Three... maybe four years? No... No more! It's been enough. Demoman didn't care what the former BLU's wanted. He was going to take this chance to take some time off. Non-stop working can drive a man insane, denying him his alcohol even more.

"Who's that! Do they got any jobs for ye?" Mum shouted across the room.

"He he he... That's right mum! Ye remember I told ye about that overseas job? That's what they're here for." Demoman chuckled.

"Aye good. Where is this job exactly?" Mum asked.

"Just go with it!" Demoman poked Engineer who alongside the BLU's was looking pretty confused.

"Uhh. It's in Australia ma'am. Tending to kangaroos and blowing up dams and whatnot." Engineer replied.

"Aye! Australia. And that's exactly where I'm going right now. Love ya mum!" Demoman left as quickly as possible, not even packing anything apart from his overweight wallet.

"Good. Be a nice boy." Mum waved her son and the BLU's goodbye, not knowing what their exact intentions were.

"Alrighty then, what do ye maties want exactly?" Demoman asked the BLU's when they were far away enough from the mansion.

"Well yeah, we're actually going to Australia after collecting the rest of the team. We want our weapons back and some answers regarding our unfortunate separation with the company." Engineer answered.

"Aye, I've got me share of questions as well. I'm just happy for some time away from me jobs. I haven't drunk any Scrumpy in years. I've haven't even blown up anything in more than a month!" Demoman replied.

"You better haven't forgotten your skills from our years fighting the REDs! We'll need that little bit extra if we're facing robots!" Soldier barked.

"R-robots?" Demoman was pretty confused.

"Yeah, don't listen to him. He's gone completely insane again." Scout added.

"Ah. Don't worry mate! I can still make a bloody time-bomb from yer Granny's wheelchair. Ye can count on me." Demoman said confidently.

"Good. Ah guess either France or Germany is next. Spy or Medic?" Engineer asked to no one in particular. "And how the hell are we gettin' there? I ain't swimming again."

"Don't ye worry again laddy! I got it all covered." Demoman pressed a nearby lever hidden in a rock on the hillside.

Before they could even say 'dafuq?', they found themselves inside some crazy hidden bat-cave. Light switches started turning rapidly, brightening the entire cave revealing a long tunnel. At the end of this tunnel was a large platform. On top of that platform was something that would make the rest of their trip much more easy and comfortable.

"How do ye like her mates?" Demoman said proudly, revealing his personal private-jet. "I guess it pays off having multiple jobs." He chuckled.

In much amazement the group entered the airplane. It was large enough to carry the entire team. It had ten passenger seats, a mini-bar and even a Jacuzzi, quite convenient.

"Hey look! Demoman's got booze!" Scout yelled excitedly.

"YE TAKE YER FILTHY HANDS OFF THAT!" Demoman leaped over the bar and uppercutted Scout across the entire vehicle. "This is MY Scrumpy. I've been savin' it for a special occasion. And today is just that."

"Ouch man... You could've just said so." Scout complained.

Demoman took place at the pilot's seat. Who else but him could control such a complicated vehicle? Engineer confronted the notably-dangerous Scotsman.

"Are ya sure ya can drive this thing? I'm pretty sure havin' one eye and being drunk isn't helping." He asked.

"OI! Ye just leave me do my thing! That rule only applies to cars, not to aerial devices. An' ye don't talk about me bloody eye!" Demoman responded angrily.

"Okay man. Take it easy. I'll let you do yer thing but let me know if ah need to step in, okay?" Engineer replied.

"Fine lad. Off to Germany first. LEEEEEEEEET'S DOOO IT!" Demoman chugged down his bottle of Scrumpy and started up the jet. Before they even knew they were already soaring gracefully through the clouded skies of Scotland.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

France, Paris.

"Dag-nabbit Demoman! Ah told ya to go straight ahead after Amsterdam, not take a right turn!" Engineer said to the crazed drunken pilot.

"O-oh, boyo, don't ye fret. I've done this a million times." Demoman responded with bad breath. "Alright! Ye laddies get out while I find somewhere to park this baby."

"Wait, wait... what? This isn't a car. We don't have any damn parachutes you insane psycho!" Scout replied worried.

"It don't matter mates! The Eifel tower will break yer fall! Now get out!" Demoman activated the autopilot for a second and proceeded to kick out the BLU members one by one.

"AAAAAAHHH!" The citizens of Paris could hear the screams of terror caused by the three terrified men high above them crashing down at an alarmingly fast rate.

Meanwhile at a fancy restaurant.

"Gentlemen, may I take your order?" The man formerly known as the BLU Spy asked some snobby tourists.

"I say, Anderson. This establishment is not as good as the brochure told us. For goodness sake! The waiter is smoking a cigarette and wearing a ski-mask!" One said.

"Hmm. Quite, yes indeed." The other one replied.

"My apologies fine gentlemen. Allow me to make amends." Spy said.

"Good. I was starting to think this was all a crude joke. Wouldn't that be rather intriguing Anderson?"

"Hmm. Yes indeed."

But the two tourists did not get the treatment they wanted. Instead they got an enraged Frenchmen violently pushing his cigarette against one of their faces. One got up to defend the other, but quickly backed away as he saw the BLU Spy flicking a sharp kitchen knife.

"Listen good sir, if it’s money you want you can have it!" The terrified man begged.

"No monsieur. You came in my restaurant and complain about me as I stand beside you. Such a rude act is forgivable. But insulting my attire is not. Away with you disgusting pigs! Zhis restaurant is only for true gentlemen." Spy pointed them towards the door.

"True gentlemen? I say! Then what are those three ruffians doing over there?"

"Ruffians? Zhere is no such th-" Spy stopped mid-sentence as he saw Engineer, Scout and Soldier, his old team members barge into his fancy restaurant. "Oh, Mon Dieu!"

"Maggot! I just survived a five-thousand feet drop! You cannot tell me to LEAVE when I got business here. Do you understand that?" Soldier barked at one of the employees that refused to let the group further in.

"Gentlemen. What brings you to my establishment? I thought we left zhe world of war and violence behind us." Spy asked as he approached them.

"Yeah, fat chance Frenchy." Scout replied.

"Ah young Scout! Tell me, how is your lovely mother?" Spy said as he started grinning.

"You don't talk about that ya shapeshifting rat!" Scout replied annoyed.

" Ah, ma petite chou-fleur. Such lovely memories, but now almost forgotten. Tell me your business quickly; I have a job to do." Spy stated.

"To make it quick, we're gathering the team one last time to retrieve our weapons an' get some answers." Engineer explained.

"Hmm, I see. Not interested." Spy replied.

"What! Are you scared you damn Frenchy? Backing away from a true challenge where we can destroy those damn robots once and for all?" Soldier added.

"Robots hmm? I see that you've gone crazy again, as expected. But no, my life has only gotten better after leaving the Mann. Co. I've even been able to buy zhis restaurant and not have to worry about money for zhe rest of my life." Spy said.

"Dag-nabbit. Ain't there anything we can do to convince ya?" Engineer knew that Spy's abilities were extremely useful for certain situations.

"Ha! You can try. I can just smoke and insult tourists all day long. You'll have to burn zhis restaurant to the ground to get me away from here HA! Muaha... HAHAHAHAAAAA." Spy suddenly started laughing slightly maniacally and snorted as a pig.

As the cackling of the mad Frenchmen stopped, they expected a dead-silence. They did not get such a thing. A loud thundering engine could be heard soaring closely above the building.

"Oh shit. This can't be good." Scout already started taking cover.

"No! Vhat are you imbeciles planning?" Spy asked concerned. But there was no time for answers.

"HA-HAAA! KAAAABLOOEEEEY!" Demoman in his drunken state managed to crash his private jet straight into Spy's restaurant. Guess he found a parking place, after all. The entire building started collapsing, unfortunately so did the plane. Most likely these event should have alarmed the local authority, so now was a good time to wrap things up.

"Demoman you crazy Scottish bastard! I haven't seen an explosion like that in years. Good job!" Soldier complimented the Demolition Man.

"Thanks lad. I thought it'd be proper to enter with a bang. Now where did I leave me plane?" Demoman said as he pulled himself from the wreckage, completely unscathed of course. But he couldn't be happier. The world was just so much more of a happy place after a bottle of Scrumpy.

"You imcompetent fools! You've ruined everything that I've ever invested my money in. You're all going to repay me for zhis!" Spy was extremely angered by what occurred.

"Fine, after we're done dealing with the Mann. Co., that is. Let's go Privates!" Soldier commanded his troops.

"Did ya have to blow up the darn plane? How the hell are we gettin' to Australia later? Dang-it!" Engineer complained.

"We'll find a way! I've spent five years in Europe slaughtering those Nazi bastards! I know this place like the palm of my hand! Ah, my hands! They're on fire; I AM ON FI-AR!" Soldier quickly proceeded to drop and roll to extinguish the flames and took the lead as the group started heading towards their next target, the BLU Medic.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Germany, Stuttgart.

Finally after a long journey through the mountains and countryside of Germany, the group arrived in Stuttgart, where they found out that their old friend, the Medic, resided. They weren't certain what his current occupation was, but surely it wouldn’t be pretty.

A jolly slightly overweight German man wearing lederhosen approached the group. "Guten tag meine freunde! Wie geht es dir an diesem schönen tag?"

Something snapped in Soldier's brain as the seemingly nice man started speaking. The Germans... The Nazi's! He fought them all on his own across Europe until 1949, when he was finally told the war had ended.

"DIEEEE NAZI PIG!" Soldier immediately pulled out his shovel and started hacking away like a madman.

"No Solly! Just because he's German doesn't mean he's a damn Nazi! Besides, the war ended more than sixty years ago!" Engineer desperately tried to stop his enraged team mate but in vain.

"Oh mein Gott, das wird nicht gut enden!" The German man tried to defend himself against the mad Soldier, but he was no match.

"This is MY world. You are not welcome in MY world!" Soldier prepared for the finishing blow.

"Soldier! Nooooooo!!!" Several former members of the BLU shouted at him to stop. But there was no stopping a crazy man and his shovel.

Soldier roared a final battle cry and smacked his shovel straight inside the German man's skull. But... there was something off. This wasn’t a German at all!

"TAKE COOOOVER!" Soldier shouted as he quickly ducked to the ground.

"For w-" Scout was interrupted by something no one expected.

*BOOOOOM*

A large explosion blew the group away, literally. Luckily, none of them were injured apart from some scratches and bruises.

"What the bloody hell jus' happened?" Demoman asked.

"I told you maggots before. Just take a look at our jolly friend." Soldier pointed towards the German that not much remained of. But what did remain were mechanical parts sprouting from everywhere along his large body. It was... a robot, a robot carrying a bomb.

"Woah woah... There's actually robots? So you ain't crazy at all?" Scout said.

"Nah, I knew about it all along. Luckily I'm one step ahead of them every time. You think this is the first one I've encountered?" Soldier replied.

"Ya mean ya have seen these things before?" Engineer wondered.

"Exactly Private. When the Mann. Co. realized I was on to them, they started sending multiple robots to assassinate me. It seems they're aware that we're on our way." Soldier explained.

"Zhis is quite an interesting development indeed. Perhaps I will stick around longer than anticipated as zhese... robots have peaked my curiosity." Spy added.

"Then we ain't got any time to waste. Let's get Medic immediately and Heavy after that as soon as possible. Then it's off to Australia for Sniper and the Mann. Co." Engineer stated.

"What about... you know who?" Scout asked slightly frightened.

"I ain't had any luck location Pyro. Looks like we're going without him." Engineer said.

A few moments later.

"Is this the place?" Soldier asked.

"Damn... It sure looks like some place Medic likes to hang out." Scout added.

The group was looking at an enormous castle surrounded by dark clouds and a unnatural thunderstorm. The sign outside said; Ze Doktor. Veterinarian.

"Yep. Ah guess this is the place. Ah didn't think good ol' Medic would still be practicing medicine after losing his license. Anyway, let's get inside. This place gives me the creeps." Engineer said.

So the BLUs ventured inside the dark spooky castle. They could faintly hear maniacal laughter in the distance. Whatever the doc was doing, it surely couldn’t be pretty.

"Ja! Jawohl! HAHAHAHA! It's alive!" They heard a familiar voice shout in a German accent.

"My god, this is..." Soldier said as he and the group was amazed by what they witnessed after passing the corner. Their old sadistic friend Medic, surrounded by tesla coils generating lightning across the entire room laughing maniacally as he was...

Bandaging a poor puppy's paw.

"Zhere you go little freund. Now go back to ze kind fraulein hmm?" Medic picked up the little cute dog and returned him to its owner.

"Vielen dank für ihre zeit. Es wird sehr geschätzt herr doktor." The dog's owner thanked Medic.

"Ja, no problem. Now vould you kindly leave? It vould appear I have some unexpected guests." Medic helped the woman outside before returning to the BLU's who were just standing around casually.

"So Medic... You heal puppies now?" Scout asked while grinning.

"Dummkoff! Silence! You zhink I vant to do zhis? Oh how much I miss ze scent of blood and ze noise of explosions. Zhose were ze good times. Not a day passes zhat I'm not reminded of it somehow." Medic explained quickly.

"Then I got good news for ya pardner. I'm collecting the BLU's. We're gettin' back our guns and apparently fight an army of robots. Are ya up for it?" Engineer asked.

"Hmm hmm." Medic chuckled. "Yes... Ze hurting is much more fulfilling then ze healing. I vill join you in zhis... interesting quest. And having ze medi-gun in my possession again vould be most ideal for ze future!"

"Then we're off to Russia next for Heavy. Ya got a car or something doc?" Engineer asked.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Russia, Moscow.

Out of all the former BLUs, Demoman was the most successful. But the man known as Heavy Weapons Guy was by far the most famous. After leaving the Mann. Co., the Russian returned to Mother Russia for glorious adventures. At first he was enraged for being separated with Sasha, his beloved mini-gun that he owned even before his job at the company. Luckily the presence of his most loyal comrade, Sandvich, made the past years more tolerable for Heavy.

He found solitude and peace in a new game, a sport to be exact. Football. And no, before you ask, Heavy is not a player. He's something far greater than that. He's the current manager/coach of the Russian national team. Alongside Sandvich, of course, who was the assistant-manager. He was often portrayed negatively in the news worldwide for his unorthodox methods of training and punching people. He even managed to punch Chuck Norris, right in his face!

Today was a glorious day for Russian football as their national team faced off against one of their greatest rivals, the Dutch! It was a friendly match, sure. But none could disagree that this game was important for morale for the upcoming tournament.

During half-time the score was 0-2 in favor of the Dutch. It was up to Heavy to lift their spirits so that they might make a comeback in the second half.

"What sick man sends babies like you to kick little ball for Mother Russia! You are all cowards!" Heavy yelled.

"But coach! They're much more fit than us. You've been pushing us to much with your insane training schedule. We're not all monsters like you!" One of the players tried to explain.

"NJET, YOU ARE ALL TINY PUNY MEN. But other entire team is babies! They do not suffer cold Russian winters like us. But come comrades, I have something that will make crushing enemies easier." Heavy gestured for the team to gather round.

"You... mean steroids coach?!"

"Bah! Little man is stupid, is funny to me. Njet, is something better!" Heavy said as he suddenly grabbed a large bag out of nowhere. He pulled out at least twenty home-made sandwiches.

"What... is this?"

"Is sandvich. Eat up comrades."

"Is this going to make us play better?"

"DA! BOLOGNA IS PERFECT FUEL FOR KILLING TINY COWARDS!" Heavy shouted.

"I don't think we're supposed to kill them coach."

"Does not matter! Eat sandvich and crush enemy. GO NOW!" Heavy shouted once again, scaring the entire team out the locker room.

Just moments before the BLU arrived in Moscow in Medic's hippie-van. Don't ask. They managed to sneak inside the stadium by using Soldier and Scout as bait. They just threw them on the street and shortly after either of them opened their mouth, the Russians couldn't really respect the words that came out. Soldier was over the top racist and Scout's Bostonian accent was just too annoying to listen to. So some Russians gathered and simply started beating the crap out of them, which caused a scene forcing the security to deal with that. This made it much easier for the other BLUs to sneak inside. They arrived in the locker room at the same moment Heavy 'inspired' his football team and scared them away afterwards.

"Heavy. We're here to c-" Engineer was rudely interrupted by the Russian.

"Njet don't talk. Is it time?" Heavy said.

"Whaddaya mean?" Engineer asked.

"Is time to crush cowards who took Sasha? Heavy never forgets."

"Ah guess that's what we're planning yeah. Are ya up for it?"

"Da. Heavy will cancel meeting with Oprah tomorrow. Little kick ball team is good. I told secret of Sandvich. They don't need me anymore."

"Excellent. Then just one more trip and we're ready to deal with ze Mann. Co." Spy added.

"Aye! That reminds me mate! We blew up our plane. And uhh... Medic's van is pretty stupid. Ye got some vehicle to transport us to Australia quickly? " Demoman asked. "I seem to have lost me wallet."

"Da! Heavy has glorious truck. Is pride of Russia and runs over water! Come comrades, we go now! Sasha is alone and waiting for me. All these years... Heavy will not forgive them for hurting her."

So the group went outside the stadium. But there was something odd. There was a large crowd of angry looking Russians holding flaming torches. It appeared they were following someone.

"Hey hey YO!" Scout suddenly appeared behind the BLUs. "We got a major problem on our hands."

"What the heck happened here son?" Engineer asked.

"Yo that crazy Solly! He said to those mad Russians that bears are stupid. And after that he stole one of their Ushankas!" Scout explained.

"WHAT! Puny Soldier must not insult bears. They are glorious beasts! And no man that takes a Russian's hat will live to tell." Heavy said.

"Ughh. Surrounded by zhese dummkoffs give me a strange feeling of satisfaction. Somezhing must be wrong vith me." Medic facepalmed.

"Oui. I know how you feel doctor." Spy added.

"Dag-nabbit! Hold yer tea-party later. We'll need Solly for what's coming. Me an' Heavy will get that truck ready. You guys get Solly back in one piece preferably." Engineer said taking command.

"I have an idea! Quickly, Scout! Give me your mother's phone number!" Spy asked.

"Okay! It's 555-5... Hey, wait a minute! What's that gonna do to help us?" Scout replied confused.

"I didn't say it vas going to help us." Spy grinned.

"Ughh... I hate you sooooo much." Scout facepalmed.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Australia, some nameless town.

The BLUs managed to escape the angry hooligans in Russia. It wasn't that hard actually. After they realized Soldier was a good friend of Heavy, one of Russia's most beloved citizens, they agreed not to violently murder him. So Soldier got out with just a savage beating plus he also had to give up his dumpster-made garbage launcher to the people of Russia. All and all, it was a decent trade. They arrived in a strange looking town where they pinpointed Sniper's location. They were disturbingly shocked by what they encountered.

"Ah can't believe mah eyes. Sniper... after all these years of insults... an' now this?" Engineer said flabbergasted.

"Wow... I think me mind jus' done blow up itself." Demoman was pretty confused and drunk of course. He couldn't leave Russia without some Vodka.

"Soldier lived in a dumpster for years. I could've seen that coming... But zhis? No! Never in my life." Spy was shocked.

"Ha-bloody-ha. Very funny. Are ya done?" Sniper responded feeling quite insulted.

"Dude... You're a fruit shop owner. Didn't you hate those guys?" Scout asked.

"Damn right I bloody hated those good for nothing arrogant fruit salesmen. But times have changed mate. No one wants to hire an assassin these days to pop some heads off anymore. It's just riding over their frontlines and blow everything up with a bloody tank or something. I hate modern times." Sniper explained.

"So why are you selling fruit? You could've just been an uhh... fisherman!" Scout said.

"Screw ya big heads and ya bloody fish! Now what the hell do ya guys want?" Sniper wanted an explanation.

"Pardner, we need yer help. We're going to Teufort to look for some clues to where our weapons and the Mann. Co. are currently located. Then we're takin' back what's ours. Also there's something with robots. Ya up for this job?" Engineer explained and asked.

"Beats this bloody job that's for sure. Count me in! But where's Pyro?" Sniper replied.

"We don't have a clue. We've been able to locate everyone by using the internet. Pyro doesn't have a Facebook page, I think. And we can't really limit our search because uhh... we don't know much about... him?" Scout answered.

"That's too bad. I like that crazy guy." Sniper replied.

"Yep. Ah like that maniac as well. But we're gonna have to deal with this without him, might even be for the better. He's always been a little bit... off." Engineer said.

"I don't know mates. Ye remember when he lighted everything up in flames in me armory? Granted I liked the bang, but it was still pretty dangerous." Demoman added.

"I fear no man. But that thing... It scares me." Heavy said slightly worried. Pyro was by far the most unstable being of the BLUs. No one knew exactly what he, she or it even was. But he was extremely dangerous in certain times.

"One shudders to imagine vhat inhuman thoughts lie behind zhat mask." Spy said as he lighted up a cigarette for an even more dramatic effect. "What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?"

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

New,Mexico, Teufort.

Teufort was one of the many places where the BLUs would fight their eternal battles with the REDs. It's been abandoned ever since the BLUs had mysteriously gotten fired. Some scraps of sentry guns still lingered on the ground. There was still blood deeply soaked within the wooden bridge in the middle. The fence was just slightly opened, yet it seemed not to have been used in years. But there was still one that remained all these years in solitude right here in Teufort.

The BLU Pyro. He slowly stepped out the resupply chamber and took note of his surroundings. Nothing unusual. He quickly stepped outside on the sniper perch overlooking the bridge and a large part of the RED base.

"Mmmmppppphhh!" Pyro's muffled noises were echoing throughout the town.

"Mmpphh hudda hudda mmmppphh hudda hud!" He continued making more awkward noises while randomly blasting his flamethrower in the air. He continued to walk over the bridge. Before entering the RED base he took a good look at the fence which was still untouched. A man can dream can't he? A man can dream.

He continued further inside the RED base. His goal was to capture the enemy’s intelligence, as it has been for years. He continued further inside the enemy base. Just before passing the RED spawn, Pyro noticed a wooden cut-out of a cow just standing there. Pyro knew one thing for sure and that is that he did NOT like this cow one bit.

Once again he continued further. He eventually reached the RED intelligence. Pyro took a good look to see if there weren't any spies around. He quickly grabbed the briefcase holding the meaningless intelligence and started rushing back upstairs. He kept running the same way he got in and eventually ended up in his home base. He captured the intelligence! Unfortunately, the announcer was no longer around, so no one was calling the score.

"Hudda!" Pyro was still pretty happy about it anyway. Pyro continued to take several trips to the RED base and continuously capture the intelligence uninterrupted. Each time as he did so, he celebrated in a different fashion. One time he used fire axe to play as a guitar. The other time he used his famous Hudda-oken.

Pyro entered the RED base for the fourth time this day. He once again entered the intelligence room without being interrupted. Pyro took one good look at the spinning briefcase. He knows it isn't the same as the old days. It's all meaningless and a waste of time. Anyway, it's time to head back to see what that cow is up to. So Pyro left the intelligence and started heading upstairs again.

Pyro missed the past probably more than any other member of the BLU's. All he could remember was having fun and happy times alongside the BLU and RED. Until one day, everyone simply disappeared and left the town deserted, leaving poor Pyro with no place to go to. He always hoped that one day the others would return and continue their happy adventures in Teufort and its surroundings.

So that's what Pyro has been doing all this time. He did not want to forget about the past, so he never stopped doing his own thing, burning everything that approached him. He had just one goal: Protect the backpacks left by the BLU. Pyro just prayed that it wouldn't be for nothing.

He probably didn’t even need to protect it because there has only been one person here in almost four years. And that person didn't get passed Pyro, no matter how hard they tried.

"Mmmpphh." Pyro sighed. He continued upstairs when suddenly he heard some strange noises emerging from outside. This was a first to Pyro in years. He quickly ran outside to acess the situation.

The fence... It was completely opened!

"Hudda?" Pyro was slightly confused, but happy in a way. Maybe someone has come to play with him.

"BEEP. MAGGOT! BOOP." A strange mechanized voice shouted from behind the Pyro.

"Mmmpph! Hudda hud!" Pyro guessed this strange person to be Soldier, one of his old friends. There was one thing off though. Instead of wearing red or blue as a team color this guy was completely dressed in gray. Pyro didn't really notice the red glowing eyes and mechanical body.

"Hudda!" Pyro was overjoyed to see his old friend. He was going to greet him the same way he always did. Cover him in happy rainbows and sunshine with his beloved Rainblower.

"Mmmpphahahaaa!" Pyro's muffled laugh was terrifying to say to least. Where he guessed he was spreading joy and happiness, he was in fact causing death and decay by using the flamethrower to incinerate everything in its path. Of course the robot did not stand a chance against this wall of flames. The mechanical Soldier blew up into pieces shortly after.

"Mmpph?" Pyro was confused once again as he didn't see the person get up anymore. He just didn't understand. What was happening, why was reality... so unreal?

No-one knows what exactly caused Pyro to become like this. Some say it was the result of countless drugs, other say he was crazy from the beginning. Few even dare to say that he's become mentally unstable after being burned alive himself, and that's the reason he would never take off his mask or suit. There's even some that say he's a misunderstood little school-girl. But in reality no one knows, not even Pyro.

"MMMRAARRRGGHHH!!" Pyro was now extremely angered because the only person he's seen in years had now disappeared.

"Hey look! There he is." A voice suddenly state from outside the fence.

"Mmmph?" Pyro once again confused kept his distance and did not approach these strange visitors. His goal was still to defend the backpacks and the legend of Teufort.

"Well, Ah'll be damned. Of all the places in the world, he's actually still here." Another voice stated. They all sounded extremely familiar to Pyro.

"Look! Another robot. By the flag, this one is handsome!"

"Mmmpph!" Pyro warned the visitors not to come any closer. He aimed his flamethrower in their direction.

But one man of the group that just entered Teufort ventured forward fearlessly. Who was this insane man that laughs directly at the face of Death? WHO?!

"Oh-ho, boyo! I missed ye so much. If I wasn't the man I was, I'd kiss ye! But come for a good old hug won't ye?" It was Demoman! And he was apparently pretty drunk. In his drunken state he managed to give Pyro a caring hug.

"Mmmph?" Pyro was confused, but not bothered. When taking a second good look at this strange group he noticed they weren't strange at all. Well maybe a little, but they were the BLUs! That's what he guessed at least, because they weren't in uniform. And they weren't making strange BEEP BOOP noises. That's a plus he thought.

Should he... cover them in happy rainbows like the old times? He could risk losing them again as he did with the strange Gray Soldier before. No, Pyro didn't want to take that risk. He'd leave them as they are for now. Their presence alone made him happy.

"Mmmmpphh! HUDDA HUDDA HUD!" Pyro raised his flamethrower and cheered like as if he'd just captured the intelligence. He was incredibly glad to see the BLUs again. Surely this must mean that happy times will come back soon?

"Scout! Go take a look around the base. Engi! You take a look at the handsome robot fella won't you?" Soldier was the one taking command now.

Scout immediately started rushing towards the BLU base, seeing if there's anything of value, or any clue regarding the current location of the Mann. Co. Engineer meanwhile collected some scraps from the half-incinerated and exploded robot.

"Well would ya look at that." Engineer picked up the Gray Soldier's helmet.

"What is it, mein hard-hatted freund?" Medic wondered.

"There's some text on here. Let me check if ah can get the dirt off." Engineer started cleaning the helmet with water from the tunnels down below Teufort. "Made in the USA, Texas, Threefort... DAGG-NABBIT! We gotta go back where we started."

"We ride truck over big sea and crush puny Mann. Co!" Heavy stated. That would be the obvious plan, yes.

"Yo guys. You are not going to believe what I just found!" Scout was done scouting and found something interesting.

"What do ye got matey?" Demoman asked.

"Just come to the resupply chamber. You'll love this." Scout asked the group to follow him. And so they did.

"Hudda hudda mmmpph!" This was the thing Pyro was protection all these years. The group was more than amazed to see each of their backpacks still in the same state as they've left them. Inside each of those backpacks were every class’s stock weapons, a large collection of hats, and some miscellaneous items. And lastly of course their BLU uniforms.

For a normal person, hats might not seem like something too care about much. For the former employees of Mann. Co. ,however, it was something much greater. For years, the BLUs fought against the REDs without any clear difference between them apart from their uniform colors. The arrival of hats and miscellaneous items changed that forever. Whether it was just a steel pan or a beanie, a small medic-doll or some fashionable glasses, it didn't matter. It was because of these that allowed them to dress with something different and make a clear difference between the two rivaling teams. Also their stock weapons! Yay, pew-pew!

"Sasha! Come here baby!" Heavy was overjoyed to be reunited with his beloved mini-gun again. Oh, he could remember his younger days when he would kiss Sasha good night every evening in her own little tiny bed.

"Ja. Zit is rather convenient that ze company just left ze weapons here." Medic was bothered by this fact, but was glad to hold his medi-gun again. Basically it allowed him to play god. It would heal and fix all the damage done to a person's body, at least when they were still alive. Medic was not able to reanimate the dead.

"Mmmpphh!" Pyro raised his flamethrower cheering happily. He wanted to let them know he was the one protecting them.

"Did ya stay here to guard our stuff son?" Engineer asked.

"Mmpphh." Pyro nodded.

"Nice job man. This place looks like it's been abandoned for years, did anyone ever come here to try an' take it?" Engineer asked.

"Hudda!" Pyro nodded again. He raised his finger pointing out the fact that just one person ever tried.

"What crazy bloody bastard would try to come here to steal our bloody hats and guns?" Sniper wondered.

"Mmpphh." Pyro pointed towards one of the large speakers stationed around Teufort.

"Ya mean the Announcer came here boy?" Engineer asked.

"Mmphh. Mmphhawahaha!" Pyro nodded one more time to confirm this. He raised his flamethrower and did his battle shout letting the BLUs know it's no easy task getting past him.

"Then that's our next target maggots! She's also the one that fired us. HEAVY! Get the truck ready. We're going to the USA to end this game once and for all." Soldier stated.

"Mmmpph?" Pyro was pretty hesitant towards leaving Teufort. It's the only place he's been in for years. He didn’t know anything else anymore.

"Son, I know yer worried. But ya gotta realize that we've been screwed over by the company. We want to set things straight as a team, one last time. Are ya in or not?" Engineer hoped for Pyro's cooperation.

Pyro took a deep sigh and suddenly started sprinting outside. He jumped atop the bridge in the center of Teufort. He raised his fire axe high up in the sky and followed with his trademark taunt, playing it as a guitar. He was ready for a new fun adventure, now more than ever.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Texas, Threefort.

The BLU finally arrived back to where they started. Apparently, this mysterious town named 'Threefort' was only a few miles away from Engineer's home. Many facepalms were made that day. But there was no time to be bothered by that fact right now. They had a job to do. Although they all weren't really certain what that job actually was. Some wanted answers, some wanted to have fun, and others just wanted to blow up evil robots. All of them had their own intention and reasons to continue with this glorious adventure.

"There it is... Threefort! What a dump." Scout said. It was an exact copy of Teufort. Only there was a metal bridge rather than a wooden one. Wow! Very impressive.

"Ah wonder what the heck is going on here." Engineer wondered.

But his question would soon be answered as they suddenly heard a familiar voice shout throughout the speakers surrounding the small town.

"Mission begins in 5, 4, 3, 2 1. BEGIN!" It was the Administator/ Announcer/ Helen.

"We found our target maggots. Prepare for battle!" Soldier already had his rocket launcher aimed at a completely random location.

But the team had no chance to start looking for the Administator as suddenly two very familiar looking teams started storming outside their bases. It was the Gray team versus the... slightly less Gray team! All of the members were mechanical replica versions based on the BLU and RED mercenaries.

"Mon Dieu... Soldier vas right all along." Spy said shocked.

"Of course I was, maggots! Get ready, because we're sending them straight back to the scrapyard!" Soldier did his girly battle cry and smacked himself against his helmet with his shovel. Next he launched himself into the air by using his rocket launcher to gain some height advantage over the robots.

"BEEP. Unknown threat identified. Crush, Kill, Destroy! Maggot! BOOP." The Gray robot Soldier prepared to defend himself. But unfortunately, he was blown up by the real Soldier's barrage of rockets almost immediately.

"Dag-nabbit! Didn't think it'd get to this. Get ready boys!" Engineer was the next to jump into battle. He quickly placed a mini-sentry atop the metal bridge. It rapidly took down at least two robots before being blown up. Luckily Engineer still had his shotgun to back him up and shot another robot right in the chest. From its chest, a gold bar dropped with a magical aura surrounding it.

"Come mein freund. Let us rejoice ze old times." Medic said to Heavy.

"Da! Is coward killing time! YAAAHAHAA!" Heavy rushed inside the town and started revving his mini-gun while Medic was continuously over healing him. The feared Heavy-Medic combo was immediately able to mow down all of the remaining robots. Even without the use of an Uber-charge.

"Well zhat wasn't really hard." Spy complained since he had nothing to do.

"Ah don't think we're done yet pardner." Engineer pointed out the fact that the scraps of metal lingering around on the ground from the robot corpses suddenly 'magically' levitated in the air and slowly started flying back their separate bases. Gray and slightly less Gray.

"Hudda!" Pyro had no idea what was going on, but he liked it.

"Is this like their new version of the Respawn or what?" Scout asked.

"Ah’m afraid that might be the case. Not sure why though. Ain't nothing wrong with that thing. Ah know cause ah made it with mah own darn hands." Engineer stated.

"BLU Team?! What are you doing here?!" A voice suddenly shouted from the speakers.

"We're jus' here to talk Helen. Ain't nobody needs to get hurt." Engineer shouted, knowing that she could hear them.

"What! I'm going to strangle each and every one of th-!" Soldier barked but was interrupted by Engi.

"Shh! Shut yer pie-hole." Engineer replied angrily.

"I see. Just step forward into the Gray base and we'll have our little 'talk' hmm hmm hmm." The Announcer chuckled.

"It's a trap. Don't do it." Spy warned his team.

"You French idiot! That's exactly what they want you to think. If we're just going to stand still this place might blow up! We need to keep going." Soldier explained. "Just follow me maggots. I'll lead us to victory."

And so he stepped forward even though the BLU team tried to stop him. As they all tried to jump in front of him before entering the building, a giant trapdoor emerged beneath their feet.

"I hate you Soldier, sooooo much." Those were the last words Spy could master to speak before dropping down in a seemingly endless pit of doom alongside the rest of the BLUs.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Somewhere below Threefort. Some evil villain cave.

"Arise fools! Awake from your slumber and see the man that defeated ye all!" A voice woke up the blacked out BLU team who found themselves locked up in a steel cage.

"That voice! I'll never forget that annoying way of talking! MERASMUS YOU SISSY! Why didn't you pay the rent?!" Soldier barked.

"Silence! First the dishes, then the rent! You speak of too much materialistic matters! What is truly important is that I hold ye and yer 'magnificent' team captive here." Merasmus pointed out.

"I've never forgotten about me eye lad! I'll get ye for this!" Demoman shouted next. He didn't really like Merasmus the Magician.

"What's yer big evil plan then, pardner?" Engineer asked.

"Allow me to explain since you're going to die any minute now. That would be the least I could do." A second voice added.

"The Administator..." Also known as the Announcer or Helen. The group never liked this lady since she was always shouting at them. She even once forced Soldier to kill the RED Demoman after they became friends, which was ironic because that's what they were doing all along.

"Yes. How long has it been? Three, four years? The company had made quite a large profit ever since we switched to our current system. You see, the robots you've encountered are all build with Australium and powered by Merasmus's magic, allowing them to infinitely rebuild themselves without the use of our old flawed Respawn." The Administator said.

"Ain't nothin' wrong with that thing ma'am. Yer talkin' our yer ass right now." Engineer responded annoyed.

"My my, Dell. I never thought you for a cursing man. But realize your invention was flawed in many ways. It did in fact prolong your lives, but there was one extremely important fact. The Respawn merely recreated your bodies along with your memories. Your true selves have passed away decades ago. Each and every one of you are just recreated bodies with the memories of all of your former selves. Along with the RED who were clones of course. Or was it the BLU that were clones? I can't quite remember." The Administator replied.

"That stuff don't matter to me. Ya still took mah inventions and our craftable weapons away from us. Why couldn't ya just keep us around doing our thing? It don't make any sense, why would ya make some robots to fight each other instead?" Engineer wondered.

"Expenses Mr. Conagher. You were all too expensive to keep around for another year or so. It'd be easier to just pay you off rather to keep you bunch of misfits around to waste money by every moment you spend just idling around. The robots, weapons and ammo can all recreate themselves. And since they're robots, it's not considered violence so we can broadcast our battles worldwide and make even more money. Mwuahahahaha!" The Announcer started laughing maniacally. "Don't you all understand? This is the future! This is Team Fortress 3!"

"NOOOOOO!! NEVER!" Soldier begged. "They can't count to three!"

"STOP!" The entire dungeon was silenced as a deep voice echoed throughout the entire cave. It was Saxton Hale; CEO of Mann. Co., the manliest man in the world, a man who doesn't need upper-body wears for obvious reasons, the man responsible for the destruction of the moon. He was also a mustache enthusiast ever since he was a baby.

"Oh god... Not him!" Scout was pretty scared.

"What is this, Helen?! You told me the BLU team went off to live happily forever at a farm. So I assumed they were violently murdered in a badger attack. But now after hearing you speak, I knew that my first gut feeling was right! I shouldn't have trusted you when you said you wanted to relocate to the USA!" Saxton shouted.

"We had to keep relationships with the States at a reasonable level. They weren't happy when they found out you stole their entire supply of Australium." The Administrator replied.

"I don't care! This land does not have the same soul and spirit as good ol' Australia. It's all too mindless and mechanical. Just like these soulless robots! I don't care about the expenses. I just want to see some blood spilled!"

"What are you saying Saxton?..." The Administrator knew there was no stopping Saxton Hale.

"I want... JUSTICE! NNRRAAAAGH!" The shirtless Australian ripped open the steel cage with his bare hands. "GO BLU! Go do what your heart desires! You are always welcome at MY Mann. Co!"

"HOLY SHIT! LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Scout panicked.

"Thanks mustache! I'm going to beat the crap out of Merasmus." Soldier's intentions were clear.

"Aye that lad could be usin' a good beating." Demoman joined Soldier in his quest to beat up Merasmus.

"Yer help is much appreciated Mr. Hale. But ah gotta get mah inventions back. That's what ah’m here for." Engineer said.

"Hmm. The craftable weapons are right behind that door. The Respawn however, I can't give you that." Saxton replied.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know where it is. But don't worry! I'll find it in due time and perhaps then we can all re-live the old days!"

"Ja, Zhat vould be wonderful." Medic grinned.

"Hudda!" Pyro knew this would mean he got more time to play.

"Alright. Scout, ya take this backpack and fill er up with the weapons next room. We'll deal with the Administrator and burn this place to the ground." Engineer said.

"Ha! I like your approach." Saxton seemed excited.

"Well zhen. Ms. Administrator. It is unfortunate it has to come to zhis." Spy said as he approached her while flicking his butterfly knife.

"You are all fools! You'd really think I'd come this far without being prepared? Merasmus! NOW! DO IT!" The Administator yelled.

Merasmus who was meanwhile receiving the beating of a lifetime by Soldier's shovel and Demoman's pan was glad to finally continue with their diabolical scheme. "It's about time!" He shouted.

"GAZE NOW UPON THIS BOOK, THE BOMBINOMICON! FOR YOU SHALL BE TRAPPED INSIDE IT FOREVER! YOUR WORST NIGHTMARES WILL BECOME REALITY AND YOU MAY NEVER ESCAPE FROM ITS WRETCHED AGONY!" Merasmus the Magician shouted while magically levitating the book in front of him, swinging around his staff for extra dramatic effect.

A swirling vortex appeared on the cover of the book, dragging the BLU members slowly towards it.

"OI! What the bloody hell is goin' on?!" Demoman shouted as he grabbed a door handle to prevent himself from being swallowed by this vortex.

"Another one of Merasmus's his magic tricks! Be prepared, we've already conquered it once. We'll do it again!" Soldier stated and jumped straight inside the portal.

"Oi, Solly ya crazy bastard. I ain't leaving him behind. I'll see ya later mates!" Sniper was the next one to jump in.

"Hey guys what's going on? W-WOAAAAH!" Scout who just returned with a fully packed backpack was thrown easily of his feet and dragged in next.

"What! You are resorting to magic now, Helen? You disappoint me!" Saxton Hale shouted. He was powerful enough not to be affected by force of the vortex. He watched the Administrator take cover in a different room. "Let us see where justice brings the BLU next. I'll help in my own separate way." He whispered.

"DAG-NABBIT! We'll be coming back for ya Merasmus." It was Engineer's turn.

The rest of the BLUs were all swallowed by the increasingly powerful vortex simultaneously, to save time probably. After they were all sucked in the book fell the ground. A minute long silence followed.

"What is this! This is NOT the Bombinomicon!" Merasmus was shocked.

"Hey! That's my My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic coloring book! I lost that weeks ago. Did you steal this from me?!" Saxton became furious.

"What? N-no I ju-" Merasmus was interrupted by a punch to the face.

"SAXTON PUNCH!" The Australian shouted as the launched the magician through the walls right at the location where the Administrator was hiding.

"Listen to me Helen, the time of machines is over! I'll make sure of that. The time of hard work and bloody knuckles is back! BRAAAAAAVE JUMP!" Saxton Hale launched himself through the roof followed by a massive explosion.

*WARNING WARNING. Fire detected in the vicinity. Activating self-defense protocol.*

"Wait a minute... That doesn't mean that the-" The Administrator was interrupted.

*Teleporting all back-up units to last location tagged by Merasmus's magic.*

"Oh great. Have a safety-protocol that does something as ridiculous as that. It'll be a good idea he said." The Administrator said as she started facepalming.

"FOOL! You did not complain whe-" Merasmus was now interrupted.

"Just stop talking. Words cannot express how much I hate you right now." The Administrator ended with a sigh.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Equestria. Quite a bit later.

Pinkie Pie was still determined to figure out what these 'aliens' were doing in the forest. Never in her life had she seen such weird looking creatures. The red eyes, metal bodies and steam coming out their ears were... interesting though. It wasn't long before she was able to find one of these strange visitors. Unfortunately, this one was quite big and scary looking. One does not simply laugh at a mechanical monstrosity.

"HEY YOU THERE! What do you think you're doing?! Pinkie Pie shouted as intimidating as possible. "You're not planning to take over Equestria right?"

"BEEP. Target acquired. Small furred creature. No possible threats detected. Disregard target. Crush bigger targets. BOOP." The behemoth robot responded and proceeded to continue further. It definitely had a different objective.

"Hey! Don't walk away from me! You haven't even told me your name." Pinkie stopped the metal-man.

"I am Heavy Weapons Bot. And this... is my weapon. She weighs 150 kilograms and fires 200 dollar custom-tooled cartridges at 10,000 rounds per minute." The robot paused for a second. "It cost 400,000 dollar to fire this weapon... for 12 seconds. BEEP BOOP."

"Woah! That's an interesting name. What does this 'weapon' do? Is it like my party-cannon? What's a dollar? What's a custom-tooled cartridge? Huh huh huh?" Pinkie Pie started asking questions at a alarmingly fast rate.

"I-uhh... Heavy Weapons Bot does not answer questi-" The robot replied confused but was interrupted.

"And what's with the metal suit? Was it Nightmare Night on your planet as well last night, huh? Is it a costume? And why are your eyes glowing red?" Pinkie just kept going and going.

"Does... not... compute. BEEP!"

*BOOM*

The robot spontaneously exploded next. This was strange, yes quite indeed. But not the strangest thing Pinkie had ever witnessed. She didn't think there was time to question this as she started hearing more distant explosions getting closer to her every second.

"Hmm. I have no idea what's going on anymore. That was definitely the strangest alien I've ever seen. I hope the rest aren't as weird as that." Pinkie sighed.

"FIRE FIRE! I AM ON FI-AR!" A person that was obviously lit on fire suddenly emerged from behind a tree. It was the BLU Soldier.

"Stand still, dummkopf!" Medic complained as he continued healing the damage done all his teammates.

"Oi! This place doesn't look like the last place Merasmas had sent us. Much more pretty colors and killer-robots!" Demoman stated.

"Yeah. We're lucky to have escaped from that army of Gray Pyros and Snipers. Pretty sure I even saw a Spycrab!" Scout said.

"Dag-nabbit! That darn Merasmus and Announcer. It's tr_walkway all over again!" Engineer said.

"CRUSH, KILL, DESTROY!" Multiple distant robotic voices could be heard echoing throughout the forest.

"OH SHIT MAN! THEY'RE COMING AGAIN! Quick! Let's hide behind that oversized piece of cotton-candy!" Scout shouted.

"Uhh... Hi?" The cotton-candy responded.

"... What?"

"Did zhat... pink 'thing' just talk?" Spy asked.

"Hey! Don't be so mean. I'm a pony you silly aliens. My name's Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie said.

"How... fascinating." Medic said.

"Ughhh... Prancin' show ponies. Don't care about em one bit." Sniper sighed.

"Oh... a talking pony. Now ah have seen everything." Engineer shrugged.

"Hudda?" Pyro was confused. At least he thought he was.

"It is so tiny!" Heavy said amazed.

"Does it... eat humans?" Scout wondered.

"CRUSH, BEEP, BOOP!" The robots were getting closer with every second they're wasting.

"OH GOD! They're almost here! You gotta help us man!" Scout begged the pony.

"Me? What do you want me to do?" Pinkie asked.

"Lead us to your closest town Private!" Soldier ordered the pink pony.

"Wouldn't that bring all those things you're talking about straight there? Oh! Are we throwing them a party?!" Pinkie chirped excitedly.

"Negatory Private. We need to establish headquarters and set up base camp to come up with a proper defense against the robot armies. Basically... we're going to take over your little town." Soldier grinned.

"Aww... I even told Twilight Sparkle something like that was going to happen." Pinkie sighed. "She isn't going to be happy about this."

"MAGGOT, I DO NOT CARE ONE STINKING BIT ABOUT YOUR SPARKLING TWILIGHTS. Now get going before the Spycrabs breach our defenses! GO GO GO!" Soldier barked.

"You don't have to yell... I'm sure you can learn a lot from Fluttershy. Come, follow me. La la la la laaa." Pinkie Pie started skipping off without a care in the world.

"Mmmpphh! Hudda!" Pyro appeared to having a pretty good time.

"Are you sure zhis is a good idea?" Spy whispered to Engineer. "Letting Soldier in command can prove to be rather... random."

"Nope. But ah don't got any other plans. Let's just go with the flow for now. We'll see what happens eventually. Besides, we got our guns to protect ourselves. What's the worst thing that could possibly happen?" Engineer ended the conversation as him and the rest of the BLU started following the pink pony.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Author's note; Okay, new story yay! Future chapters will not be as long as this one though.
Might've gone a little overboard with this introduction. Much moar ponies in the next one don't worry!
One more thing. This is a comedy and I'm intending to keep it that way.