Once again, we find our somewhat interesting protagonist deep in one of the dark, dank dungeons of Canterlot.Four Princesses stand before him, nervous, anxious, but at the same time, excited at the prospect of one of their desires being fulfilled. Slowly, they remove the hood that covered Doctor Quack’s head.
I blink my eyes to adjust to the blinding light. Damn these princesses and their methods. I was sitting on a chair with my hands tied behind my back, a large wooden table in front of me, and the four princesses silhouetted by the light.
“Why do you always have to do that?” I ask.
With a smirk, Princess Celestia replied. “The Royal Equestrian Armed Regiment needed the excercise my dear doctor. They need to meet their quota for catching fugitives and cuddles after all.”
“You, and your obsession with your REAR. What is it this time? The last time I was here, I spent days shampooing and conditioning your manes!”
“It seems thou art in need of a bribe” said Luna
“We both know that he doesn’t accept bribes that easily sister” said Celestia. “I tried bribing him with bits, but he never seems to accept them.”
“You can always try bribing me with more bits. Besides, you all know by now that my integrity is never for sale, but you can rent it for your weight in gold per hour” I replied.
With a huff, Twilight stepped forward and dropped an envelope in front of me. Always straight to the point for Miss Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight cleared her throat. “Doc, by now we, know your little crush on Linky, or, as everyone in Ponyville calls her, Shoe Shine.” She floated a couple of pictures out of the envelope with her magic. “Accept our offer, and you get her pictures. Maybe, I’ll even tell her who her secret admirer is. She is dying to know who her secret admirer is after all.”
“The Princess of Friendship bribing me with alluring pictures of my crush? Maybe even setting me up with her? What say you, Princess of Love?”
Cadence just shrugged. “If both of you end up as a happy couple, then who am I to judge?”
It seems that the verdict has been passed. No one will help me here. I spent the remaining time glancing at the pictures of Shoe Shine. Man,
Twilight must have moved heaven and hell to convince Shoe Shine to pose in some of these pictures.
The first picture was her in a dress, made by Rarity no doubt. The combination of the colors and curves of the dress, along with her hair and make-up was extraordinary. She was not a princess, but her stunning allure was more than a match for one.
The next picture was one of her at work, no doubt shot without her knowing. Her body was coated in a light sheen of sweat, and it showcased her natural beauty. I wonder how she smel-----GET IT TOGETHER! NO BONER! NOT HERE! NOT NOW!
The last picture was interesting. It showed her wearing a necklace with her cutie mark on it. Written on the picture were the words ‘Wear this when you are ready for a date. Don’t worry, I won’t bite, neither will I buck :D. XoXo Linky.’
I sighed. “Damnit Twi, you sure do your research. However, if i was your teacher, I’d give it a B, maybe even a B minus.”
Twilight’s eyes started to tear up. “You’re so cruel! Why?!”
“Because, I was expecting more! Don’t worry, I’ll give you extra credit if you release me right now.
“DO NOT FALL FOR HIS TRICKS, TWILIGHT! HE MUST FIRST LISTEN TO OUR REQUEST!” shouted Luna.
The Royal Centerlot Voice, check! No contractions, check! Princess Luna is dead serious now. “Okay! What is it this time? A scratch behind the ears? Detangling your manes? A massage? Me being the little spoo.....”
Princess Celestia shushed me with her hoof, and whispered in my ear.
“WHAT?! NO!!! NO FREAKING WAY AM I DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!! IF I DO THAT, THERE’LL BE NO TURNING BACK!”
“Please, Doc. As you can see, we ponies have a very limited way of doing what I ask you. We can’t reach deep enough, nor are we dextrous enough to properly scratch the itch that burns us” replied Celestia.
“But there must be other ways to---“
“We hath tried everything: Oils, creams, gels. Not a single one of them has helped relieve us of our itch. Even a proper partner is not enough” said Luna.
Looking away as if ashamed, Cadence spoke.“It’s true, Doc. Not even Shining Armor has the reach, nor the ability to properly get inside me, not even with magic.”
All four of them looked at me with puppy dog eyes. How could something be so cute? Damn it, if they don’t stop this, I’m going to die from a heart attack.
“Alright, fine! I’ll do it, but I get to pick who goes first, and that will be Cadence.”
Cadence was surprised. “Me? But I’m a married mare doc! You should pick—“
“I picked you first because of that reason. Shining might not do a good job, but at least you’re experienced in this, so I won’t have so much problems, and it would be easier for me to guide you along the way. Now, somebody uncuff me so I can get started!”
---2 Hours Later---
Cadence was on the floor, flat on her back, with her back legs spread and occasionally twitching. Drool was dripping out of her mouth, and she had a glazed look in her eyes, The other princesses were staring at us, mouths agape, and wings extended.
I lightly tapped her cheek, “Hey Princess, no need to get all lewd and stuff.”
In a flash, Cadence sat up prim and proper, trying her best to look Princessy. The dried up drool on her mouth and her wild mane did not help her at all. “I feel like a new mare!” She then hugged me tightly. “Oh my Faust Doc! You are a miracle worker!!!”
I laughed a little. “At least it didn’t take as long as I expected. Now it’s Twilight’s turn!”
“Neigh! We shall be next!” cried Princess Luna.
“Nay, Luna! That thousand years on the moon means you had a thousand years breathing nothing but dust and more dust. You’ll be last since I’m sure that I’m going to need a day or two to properly pick your nose!”
Luna slunked away. It was probably for the best. Even with Shining Armor to help her, Cadence still had a lot of junk up her nose. It was a disgusting job, using both my hands and Q-tips, but somebody had to do it.
Twilight sat herself on the table. “I’m ready, Doc!”
With a sigh, I washed my hands, threw away the dirty Q tips and gloves, got some new ones, and readied myself for another spelunking adventure.
Human fingers! The best at shampooing manes and tails, and now, the best at picking boogers off pony noses.
Author's Note
So....I was picking me nose and got the most epic of boogers. Having no one else to show it to, I showed it to my Nightmare Moon plushie. Then, this story popped into my head. We always see ponies being booped, but maybe, they want to be booped coz they're hoping against hope that you'll clean their noses. After all, there's no way you can fit a hoof in there.
