My Little Pony but its been catastrophically abridged chronologically

by Doctor Disco

Rating: teen
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2855

All six seasons, in one story! Huzzah!

Foreword: Don't mind the lowercase title. If you've even been on the internet, you know why it is the way it is.

Are you ready to read the best abridging of My Little Pony you've ever read?

Good, because it's not good at all!

THE BIG FLIPPING NOTE: This is purely for fun and will be written in my own pass time. Don't hate. Seriously.

TRIGGEr WARNINGS:
Pinkie Insanity
Horrible Characterizations and possibly OOC
4th Wall Breaking
Memes... Memes everywhere...
Terrible Abridging of Events
Numbers
Starlight
Rainbow's Ego
etc...

Cover art by and courtesy of artist dm29

And the "Other" tag is to encompass the characters I couldn't tag because of the 5 character limit.

Published 2017-01-20 18:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-07-01 06:27:18 UTC

the premiere of season one plus the first sonic rainboom but its abridged

Sonic Rainboom, WHOOOOOOSH!

“Starlight, don’t do the thing!” Twilight shouts.

“I’m doing the thing!” Starlight hollers.

“Starlight did the thing!” Twilight yells and Spike faints. “You’re useless Spike!”

“Now I’m gonna have a mental breakdown with a flashback for dramatic flair!” Starlight screams before breaking down, sobbing.

“Now that everything is reverting back to normal, I hereby reform you and give you amnesty for murdering countless timelines,” Twilight announces, and Starlight flips her mane back, the style now completely different.

“Thanks Twilight. Let’s go!”

“Whee, pretty butterflies- I mean, sorry for landing on you…” Fillyshy says and a bright light emanates from her flank, showing her newly acquired cutie mark. “Oh, okay…”

“I’m so awesome, my ego knows no bounds! Hahaha!” Rainbow Dash cries as a rainbow lightning bolt emerges as her cutie mark. “Hells yeah! Cutie mark and stupid bullies in one go!”

“Wow, this rock farm is really depressing…” Pinkamena whispered before light blinded her. “Hisss! The light! It burns… so… good!” Pinkamena’s hair poofed up and she visibly brightened.

“Fourth wall breaking and party fun times ensue!” Pinkie shouts as she races to her home to spread joy to her whole family except Maud who doesn’t appear for another few chapters.

“Who dis be that ruining my day?” Princess Celestia demands as she enters the room and sees a mutant baby Spike and Filly Sparkle. “Oh, a potential student! Time to take her in as my protoge and never let her see the light of day for a few years!”

Princess Celestia proceeds to deactivate Filly Sparkle by throwing cake at her and fixes all her damage. “Like the tyrant I am!”

“Gosh, I love apples,” Applejack whispers as she caresses an apple in the pile of apples she’s drowning in. A cutie mark appears on her flank but she passes out from too many apples.

“Stop being a liar, AJ!” Big Mac yells from somewhere.

“Shut your fat trap, Big Mac!” Applejack snorts.

“Stupid dress!” Rarity shrieks before being pulled away by her magic. “AHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Oh wait, now I’m bored,” Rarity humphs as the background card changes. Seeing her magic stop at a rock, she kicks it. “Stupid rock!”

With a grumble, the rock explodes, sending Rarity flying. As the dust settles, Rarity pokes her head out of the rubble. “My mane! Wait, gems! Yay!” A cutie mark appears on her flank.

“Yeeeee! Cutie mark too?! Thanks stupid rock!”

“How could she win!?” Rarity bawls as she looked at Derpy’s atrocious creation of a cart. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” she bellowed in a surprisingly deep and mechanical voice.

Fast forwards yissss…

“Reading books with Moondancer, yay!” Twilight says before packing her bags and heading to the library… from the library. “Important business, saving the world, can’t come to your party, bye!”

“Argh! Now I’ll hate you forever!” Moondancer shook a hoof.

“Spike, get me Predictions and Prophecies!” Twilight yells, the book now appearing on a pedestal. “Oh no, Nightmare Moon!” Twilight quickly scribbled down a neat letter that Spike whooshed away: Bad guys coming. Send helps plz.

In a jiff, a letter was poofed back. Hahaha no worries just go 2 Ponyville and be planr 4 for the Summer Sun Celebration while I sit back and be useless.

“Sounds good, let’s go!” Twilight states and they were suddenly in Ponyville.

“Le gasp!” Pinkie exclaims and disappears.

“Why are there clouds in sky?” Twilight asked and Rainbow flew in from nowhere, destroying all of them in one go.

“Haha, ten seconds flat!”

“Noice!” Spike shouts. He then spots Rarity and drops his jaw to the ground. “Hubba hubba!”

“Shut up, Casanova! Fluttershy is shy and fluttering!”

“Nope, baby dragon!” she exclaimed and rushed over to Spike.

“Now Applejack for food, how are you Apple-”

“Howdy, eat all these pies while I introduce my whole family in my signature country accent!” Applejack exclaimed as she began to rattle. Soon, Twilight finished.

“I’m full!” Twilight exclaims.

“PARTAYYYY!” Pinkie shouts from seemingly nowhere and everywhere.

“The night will last 5EVERRRRRRRR! Dat is more den 4ever!” Nightmare Moon decreed.

“Oh noes, Nightmare Moon is back!” Rarity cries, “Whatever will we do?”

“Sing a few musical numbers and reach the Castle of the Two Sisters!” Pinkie explains and everypony nods. In no time, they found the stone Elements.

“Nightmare Moon, we banish you!” Twilight exclaims.

“Hahaha, Elements are useless!” Nightmare Moon blasted the stone Elements to smithereens.

“No,” Twilight cried. “But now we have a dramatic showdown where I revive the Elements!”

“Applejack, Honesty. Rainbow, Loyalty. Pinkie, Laughter. Rarity, Generosity. Fluttershy, Kindness. And me? Magic!” They rose up in white light as necklaces formed around them and Twilight looked like she was possessed.

“TASTE THE RAINBOW!” somepony shouts as a rainbow beam of destruction and purification comes down on Nightmare Moon. The Nightmare’s control over Luna then shatters, leaving a depowered Alicorn Princess.

“Sister, you’re back from your vacation!” Princess Celestia chimed as she flew in through a window.

“Forgive me, sister!” Luna cried.

“All is 5given. That is more than 4given.”

“Thank you,” Luna whispered.

“Celestia, must I go back to Canterlot?” Twilight asks.

“No, you can stay with your friends in Ponyville. Write about your friendship problems and send me a postcard while I sit back and do nothing for the entire season!” Celestia announces before she and Luna poof away.

“EVEN BIGGER PARTAY!!!!!” Pinkie Pie exclaims and their entire world shifts back to Ponyville.

“Gah! Spatial displacement gives me headaches!” Rarity cries before falling onto a sofa that came from nowhere.

“Wha- how- we were just- but- huh?” Twilight whimpers as her head spins from Pinkie’s ridiculous antics.

“It’s Pinkie. Don’t question it,” Applejack whispers and Twilight could only look at her in bafflement.

“But-”

“And scene!” Pinkie shouted before smacking a large clapperboard across Twilight’s face. With a smirk, Pinkie strikes a pose.

“Looks like you’ve just seen me in action!”

Badum tshhhhh!

Author's Note

I'm sorry.

the ticketmaster and applebuck season but its abridged

“Wow, what a nice peaceful day we’re having!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Yeah, I mean, the sun’s shining bright and…” Spike doubled over before belching out a scroll.

“Ooh, what does it say?” Twilight asked.

“It says that there’s two tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, and that their for you and one other pony.”

“Oh, that’s interesting-”

“DID SOMEONE SAY THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA?” Rainbow shouted before tackling Twilight to the ground. “GIVE ME THAT tICKET, THEN I CAN BE WITH THE AWESOME WONDERBOLTS!”

“What was that about tickets?!” Rarity shouted before magically peeling Rainbow off of Twilight. Picking Twilight up in her magic, Rarity shook her mercilessly. “I NEED THOSE TICKETS TO BE WITH MY ONE TRUE LOVE!”

“Tickets? Grand Galloping Gala tickets?” Applejack asked as she appeared beside Rarity. She then bucked Rarity to the side, causing Rarity to lose her grip on Twilight.

“Gimme those tickets an’ I’ll be able to replace Granny Smith’s hip and sell apple foods!” Applejack demanded.

“I won’t even bother,” Pinkie said as she watched chaos unfold. Fluttershy then pulled Twilight to safety before smiling down at her.

“Thanks Fluttershy, Twilight gasped before she tried to get up. Just then, Fluttershy gently pushed Twilight back down.

“Just let me take care of you so I can ask for the tickets and go meet new animals…” Fluttershy whispered and Twilight widened her eyes.

“EVERYPONY IS INSANE! AHHHHHHHH!” Twilight screamed before rolling away from Fluttershy’s grip and bolting for it.

Looking behind her, Twilight saw nopony and she wiped her hoof on her forehead. Turning back front, she jumped six feet in the air. The entire population of Equestria now stood smiling creepily at her and she screamed in terror.

“MINE! MINE! MINE!” The crowd chanted like a flock of gulls and Twilight shrieked.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” she shouted as she ran past the sun-tanning figures of Spike and Pinkie.

Lifting her pair of glasses up, Pinkie raised an eyebrow at the mob of ponies.

“Did something happen, Spike?” Pinkie questioned. Spike shrugged in reply.

“Oh well, Trollestia will come around,” Pinkie murmured before returning to sun-tanning. “I would’ve asked for the tickets for the fun of it, but it’s a party arranged by nobility. What more can be said?”

After a few moments of peace and quiet, Twilight ran past them once more. “HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!”

“Hoowee!” Applejack whistled. “It’s only noon and I’ve already bucked 25 trees! That’s a new record!”

“Ahhhhhh! Danger!” A crowd of cows mooed as they barged through a field and straight towards Ponyville.

“Not on my watch! Winona, yip yip!” Applejack cried and they corralled the cows with ease.

“Whoa there pardners! Why all the fuss?” Applejack asked.

“There was a snake and we couldn’t help but run!”

“You mean him?” Applejack asked, pointing to a guy clad in black armor.

“Yes!”

With a humph, she bucked him and he went flying. “Now I’m tired! But nope, still got to buck trees!”

“Stop being stubborn and let us help,” Fluttershy demanded. Applejack went running and waved her hat like a cowboy.

“Never!” Applejack cried before passing out.

“And here’s a reward for saving the town and being generally more awesome than Rainbow!” Mayor Mare decreed before Pinkie snatched the trophy up and Rainbow cried out in defiance.

“Nopony can beat my awesomeness!”

“Have some gold!” Pinkie said as she placed the trophy down on Applejack’s form.

“But what about the silver?” Applejack muttered.

“Ooh! Now you’re asking the right questions!” Pinkie yelled before slamming her hoof on the ground. All of a sudden, all the trees dropped their apples and were collected in baskets

“That was cheating,” Rarity muttered.

“Actually, no, because she used her Earth pony magic,” Twilight pointed out.

“Who cares? We helped Applejack!” Rainbow said.

“Wake up and don’t be stubborn!” Pinkie shouted and Applejack shot 3 feet in the air.

“Alright! Alright! No more stubborness, promise!”

“That’s right, listen to Pinkie and all will be well.”

Author's Note

I'll try and make it even more ridiculous and smaller.

griffon the brush off and boast busters but its insanely abridged (insanely)

“Yeah, let’s go be pranksters!” Rainbow yelled.

“Woohoo, pranks and fun times galore!” Pinkie yelled before kissing Rainbow Dash on the lips. Stunned, Pinkie laughs evilly.

“It’s just a prank, bro! You just got pranked!”

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Pinkie…” Rainbow muttered as she licked the ground. “Geh ihhh offffffff!”

“Aw man, I got exposed!” Pinkie shouted, throwing her hooves in the air. “Oh look, who’s that in the distance?”

Turning her head, Rainbow widened her eyes just in time to get barreled by a feathered feline. “GildA-!” she cried just as the air was knocked out of her.

“Junior Speedsters buck yeah!” Gilda announced.

“Hells… yeah…” Rainbow wheezed. Pinkie narrowed her eyes at the beaked menace.

“I’m watching you missy…” Pinkie said as she slowly backed away. Gilda couldn’t help but feel a tingle go through her feathers.

“You’re friend’s weird, Rainbow,” Gilda shivered.

“No kidding,” Rainbow said as she got up, rubbing her tongue with her hooves. “Ith noth fwery gooth, noth gooth ath ahhl..”

“Let’s go hang out and be general douches!”

“Okay!”

“STOP GETTING IN MY WAY YOU STUPID FEATHER BRAIN AND NOW I’M RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO SAY BECAUSE OF PLOT CONVENIENCE!” Gilda roared at Fluttershy.

“Oh, sorry, I’ll just cry and run away now because that’s what show writers thought I would do…” Fluttershy whimpered before bawling and racing away.

“Oh, that is the last straw!” Pinkie announced before picking up a straw from a stand. “Thank you!” She then looked at Fluttershy’s retreating figure and growled. “That is also the last straw!”

Looking at Gilda’s menacing actions as she stole from Granny Smith and hung out with Rainbow, Pinkie grinned. “I’ma solve this… Pinkie-Pie style!”

Racing to Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie used her party cannon to set up a party, but it wasn’t televised because it hadn’t shown up yet. With the party now all ready, she grabbed her megaphone and stuck it out the window. “PARTY AT PINKIE’S! THE WELCOMING PARTY FOR GILDA THE GRIFFON! YOOHOO!”

In no time, everypony was there, and many pranks were now set up by Rainbow but it wasn’t televised so nopony knew who actually did any of the pranks until later.

“Gilda! Welcome!”

“Gah!” Gilda cried as she began to barraged with confetti. Stumbling around in confusion, she shakily grabbed Pinkie’s hoof and was shocked with electricity. “I know it’s all you Pinkie! Hahahahahahahahahaha-!” Gilda began to laugh maniacally before Rainbow stopped her.

“No, you idiot! It was me! Wow, so cool, much mean, leave now!” Rainbow promptly shoved the griffon out of Sugarcube corner and apologized to all the ponies for their behaviour.

“Nah, s’alright,” Pinkie brushed off. “At least there’s cake! Woohoo!”

“That was a lot crazier than I thought it would be,” Pinkie observed as she stared up at the above text.

“What are you talking about, Pinkie? That was about as stupid as it gets,” Rainbow muttered, clearly not talking about the same thing. “Trixie thinks she’s so great, huh? I’ll show her.”

“MY MAYHEHAYNE!” Rarity bawled, whimpering at the sight of her disaster that was her green hair.

“Stop being so overdramatic,” Pinkie chided, “Fluttershy is having problems concentrating!”

“What? No, I-” Fluttershy began to mutter but Twilight growled as she saw Snips and Snails enter the Everfree forest.

“And what do those two think they’re doing?” Twilight asked nopony in particular, but her question was soon answered when an Ursa Minor barged through the forest, chasing the two colts into town.

“Oh no they did not,” Twilight facehoofed before racing to their side. “Why the hay would you ever try and anger an Ursa Minor?!”

“Are you t-telling us that’s not and Ursa Major?!” Snips and Snails both cried at the same time.

“Of course it’s not! And with him awake, Momma Bear is probably-” Twilight began to say but a loud rumble and Godzilla roar tore through the ground and air.

“Wass goin’ on…?” Trixie mumbled as she fell out of her caravan. One look at the towering Ursa Major was all she needed. “OH BUCK THIS. BUCK ALL OF THIS! I’M JUST A SHOWMARE, I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

And Godzilla Major tore through the town of Ponyville, destroying everything in it’s path-

“That’s not actually what happened, but you get the idea, right?” Pinkie says as the view glitches and freezes.

“Oh well. Let’s keep watching!”

With one final victory screech, Ursa Major and Minor went back to sleep because destroying an annoying town was tiring.

Author's Note

Yep.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

dragonshy and look before you sleep but its abridged (with extra copypasta!)

Fluttersly was doing something, something in the park when suddenly smoke.

"Ah!" Hack, cough, "What is smoke?"

"I don't know," Rainbow said and fainted, and was carted off to the horsepital.

"Fluttershy, you have to fix this!" Twilight coughed and was carted off to the ibrabrary.

"Okay, I'm now suddenly very confident and stuff." Fluttershy flies to the library. "SPIKE!!!"

Spike pokes his head outside with a bag of weed. "What?"

"Smoking's bad, stop it ,or I'll muck your ship up, yo."

"Rarity!" Spike screamed. "Okay."

"The tree needs to be pretty 4 my sanity!!!111!" Rarity cried, putting a hoof on her head.

"Just rip the branches off," Applejack stated, ripping the branches off.

"I hate you!" Rarity screamed at Applejack.

"You were my sister, Rarity!" Applejack shouted back, "I loved you!"

KRABOOM!!!!!!!1111!1!!1!!11

"Crabapples, it's raining cats and dogs!"

"Oh dear, my mane!"

They both looked at the library right next to them.

Suddenly, Twilight.

"Hi girls!" Twilight smiled, flicking her ears. "Let's have some fun! All from a special book I have!"

Horn glowing, Applejack and Rarity glanced at each other.

"NEVER!"

Regardless, they were sucked in.

"Why are you girls so uptight?" Twilight asked.

"Because-"

"Because-"

"-REASONS oKaY?!11" they both yelled at the same time.

"So, can we have our slumber party now?" Twilight asked, biting her lip.

"I don't want to be all posh and fancy-like and I don't get all the mud on the face!" Applejack said, her muzzle scrunching.

"I don't like getting dirty and rowdy and I like manners, and you should grow some!" Rarity harrumphed.

"Girls, chill!"

TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

"Oh look, we're getting along now!" Twilight smiled, giggling.

"Well would you look at that!" Rarity nodded.

"I'd say we get along just great," Applejack grinned

Author's Note

Is it... a six-legged pony with a purple polka-dotted mane and shootin' stars comin' out of his eyes?

...

Dragonshy: courtesy of Sollace. Thanks Sollace

Also...

Sorry

This chapter is literally ridiculous. Tear me apart :pinkiecrazy:

And I might replace this story with one that is narrated by the one and only Pink Horse; an idea from a line in another story. Whatcha thunk?

Extra also: sorry for no update.

I have ideas 2