The Many Adventures of the Shrimpo Hunter!
Cantonment, Florida
Woody was sleeping soundly in his bed until his alarm began blaring, causing him to suddenly burst out of his sleep. "CHEW WEE BOI!" Woody exclaimed.
The cowboy then got his bearings, and turned to his right side to see what time it was: eight o'clock. "Woo! Time for another day of huntin' shrimpos!" Woody got out of bed and headed for the bathroom to freshen up, only to find the door locked and gave a good knock to find out whoever currently occupied it.
"Hey, is there anybody in here? Ah got ta get in there, because I got a looong day of shrimpo huntin' to do!" Woody said.
"Uh sorry, Woody! I've been tryin' to crap since earleh' this morning and I'm havin' quite some trouble here! You're going to need to wait or go use the other bathro-" Shrek stopped talking as he felt a huge growl in his stomach, meaning that what was going to be next would be FAR from pleasant.
"Ohhh! There's quite a rumbleh in my tummeh! Oh, this is goin' be a nasty crap all right! Sorry Woo- Aaaggghhh!" Shrek screamed out in pain as he viciously emptied his bowels of vile body waste that I would rather not go into full detail about.
"Oh well, thanks anyway Shrek. Ah'll just use the other bathroom!" Woody walked to the other bathroom and much to his luck, there was no one using it, so he was clear.
"Alright, I'll get a shower and then ah'll do mah hair." The cowboy then proceeded to strip down and enter the shower. He then pulled the curtains around him and turned on the water, allowing the purified substance to run down his body as he began to wash up. Woody began to whistle and soon recite one of his favorite songs:
Youtube Video
Once he finished singing, he shut off the faucet, dried off, and began to do his hair. "Dang Woody, you sure are lookin' fine today." He complimented himself as he finished styling his hair the usual way and brushed his teeth afterwards.
Woody then left the bathroom and returned to his room to pack his various firearms, and ammo belts into a sizable, but light duffel bag. He also packed his computer with the Microsoft Shrimpo program, which would scan his area for shrimpos and make shrimpo calls to lure them. Of course Woody went to the kitchen to take a six-pack of ice-cold Coronas along with him as well. "Alright, ah think that should do it. It's time to go shrimpo huntin'! CHEW WEE BOI!"
Mario then entered the kitchen wondering why Woody was so loud. "Woody, why are you yelling? It's early in the morning."
"Oh, sorry 'bout that Mario. Ah'm just excited for another day of huntin' them shrimpos today. So, ah'll be leaving pretty quick here."
"Okay, Woody. Well, have a safe hunting trip and-" Mario was interrupted by a crashing noise from upstairs.
"Daddy! Come help me!" Jeffy, his recently adopted son called out.
"Alright Jeffy, I'll be right there! Well, see you later Woody." Mario then turned and headed up the stairs.
"Same here, Mario!" Woody then grabbed his keys, left the house and got into his Dodge Ram. "Alright, ah'll head near Escambia River since it's one of mah favorite hunting grounds to hunt shrimpos around there aside from the rich plains of Africa!" The hunter soon began driving off to one of his favorite hunting grounds, while thinking about game he would hope to get a shot at.
About less than twenty minutes later, he finally reached his destination and parked his truck in a safe spot, also covering it with a camouflage tarp so no one would carjack it. He proceeded to unpack his arsenal, attaching each ammo belt to the right gun before putting them back into the bag. He also brought along his deadly P-90X Plus which he put in his holster; and for the final touch, he popped open a Corona from the cooler and took a mighty swig of it.
"Ah'm fully loaded now, so watch out shrimpos! Uncle Woodeh's coming after ya! CHEW WEE BOI!" Woody then grabbed his computer and headed off into the woods. About five minutes later, he finally found a perfect hunting spot and set up camp by laying out his entire gear, including his beer to prepare himself.
"Alright, camp looks good. Time to activate the shrimpo call." Woody then turned the shrimpo call on, emitting an echoing noise that the critters would for sure hear.
"CH CH CH CH CH CH CHEW WEE BOI!! CH CH CH CH CH CH CHEW WEE BOI!!!"
"That'll get the shrimpos coming, but ah'll just check first." Woody grabbed his .50 caliber sniper, and looked through the scope to see any shrimpos, but none appeared within range just yet. He grabbed another Corona and took a sip of it before looking through the scope where much to his surprise, there was a shrimpo that came out of the bushes in the distance.
"Ah yeah! I see one right there! Fella won't know what hit him." Woody then aimed towards the shrimpo's head and pulled the trigger, effectively killing his target.
"Sweet! Ah got him! Let's go check what ah got." Woody ran over to examine what he managed to scope. "Oh man! This shrimpo has four stripes! That means it's fourty years old! Alright, ah'll bring it back to mah nest for dinner tonight." Woody hauled the shrimpo back to his camp and resumed his search for more shrimpos.
Four hours later...
"Okay, ah've killed about twenty shrimpos today. That'll probably just about do it. Ah'll take these shrimpos here and-" Woody was then interrupted by the very erratic alert on his computer's shrimpo radar, indicating that there were a TON of shrimpos headed his way.
"Woah! Mah alarm's goin' crazy! That means there's gonna be a STORM of shrimpos for the taking now! Ah better get prepared!" The shrimpo hunter then grabbed his M2 Browning and aimed it towards the direction the shrimpo army was advancing from just for precaution.
A few minutes later, there was nothing coming around, so Woody decided to give up. "Hmm. I guess it was just a false alarm, because ah don't see a single shrimpo in sigh-" Woody stopped talking and dropped his jaw at the sight before him: a massive cluster of shrimpos flying in the air above him in the form of a tornado.
"Well, it looks like I've gotten mahself into a shrimpo war! Alright shrimpos, you're going down!" Woody began firing at the flock with his Browning, but it did little than expected due to the countless number of shrimpos there were.
"Damn, there's barely any effect on them! And that shrimponado's closin' in!" As he said this, the 'shrimponado' quickly closed in and before he knew it, Woody was sucked into its vortex along with his entire weaponry including his truck from afar.
"AH'D NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY WHEN SHRIMPOS ATTACK ME! AH'VE GOT TA GET OUTTA-" Woody paused as he saw a portal open up as he was being tossed around, and was currently being pulled into it as well.
"AAAAAAAAAWWWWWW DDDDAAAAMMMNNNN!!!" The hunter, his possessions, and every shrimpo disappeared into the portal as it closed up, all vanishing without a trace.
Ponyville, Equestria
Twilight and Applejack were just trotting around Ponyville, just talking about what's been happening between the two.
"Anything interesting happening at home, Twi?" Applejack said.
"Not much new to say, Spike's just doing his job around the castle and Starlight's been excelling in a lot of friendship lessons I've been giving her, so nothing noteworthy at the moment." Twilight said.
"Eeyup. Same with mah family, sugarcube. Just doing the typical work on the farm, Big Mac just helpin' out, Apple Bloom as well when she's not out with her friends helping other fillies and colts with their cutie mark dilemmas." Applejack responded.
Twilight sighed as she thought for a second. "You know, it may just be me, but you wish that there was something to change things up a bit here in Ponyville?"
"Gee, ah never even thought of that for a second Twi. Ah mean, me and mah family's just been used to life as is that it just hasn't bothered me. But ah do agree with ya. There should be something to spice up our life in our lovely town."
"Well good to know somepony agrees with me. But I understand that it will take time, because I know that it won't just drop into Ponyville as soon as I say, right?"
But due to Twilight's unwise choice of words, the duo's eyes were immediately averted to a giant portal opening up in the sky above Town Hall. Out of the gateway came Woody, his weapons, his truck, and all of the shrimpos he was attacked by. Ponies nearby just gawked at what appeared before them, before screaming and running around like the usual cowards they were in situations much like this one.
Woody rubbed both of his temples as "Ugghh... Where am ah? It sure don't look like the wild forest of Escambia River anymore... Well, ah maybe lost, but at least ah've got all these shrimpos to eat for supper! CHEW WEE BOI!"
Twilight's eyes both simultaneously twitch as what she came face to face with could only be summed up in the term known as 'unbelievable.'
Applejack turned to the alicorn and deadpanned, "Yeah, don't ya think it would have been better to keep that statement to yerself than to go and jinx it like that, sugarcube?"
The only response that came from Twilight was a slow nod.
