No Sorbet?

by Soren Mercer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Main 6, Anon, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3449

What do you mean, there's never been any Sorbet in Equestria?

You've only just learned that the greatest thing since sliced bread (bacon non-withstanding but just not an option) hasn't even been discovered in Equestria! No sorbet! You must fix this travesty!

Published 2017-01-23 10:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-23 10:40:01 UTC

What is this nightmare!

“What do you mean you’ve never tried a sorbet? That’s just… inconceivable!” You throw your arms into the air wildly, incapable of understand how this world had never experienced the wonders that were the Sorbet.

Twilight, looking just as frustrated as you (if the wild hairs in her mane were any indication) Groaned in exasperation for the twelfth time in just as many minutes. “Simple! We’ve never come up with any kind of recipe! I don’t even know what a sorbet is!”

“You’ve got ice cream in Equestria, right?” you demanded, Twilight nodded. Of course, that was a stupid question since you and Rainbow Dash had made your last date a short visit to an ice cream parlour before she had to run off to work. “You’ve got Gelato, right?” Again, Twilight nodded.

“It’s not as well known as Ice Cream, but yes, we have Gelato.” Twilight agreed in reply, unsure why this was important. Oh, how little she actually knew!

“Okay, well Sorbet is fairly similar to Gelato! It’s made the exact same way as Ice cream and Sorbet, but there are subtle differences that make all the difference! Light and fluffy, little to no dairy in it whatsoever so there’s a distinct lack of worry over calories or… I dunno…” You began to explain, your mind running backwards through time to when you were on Earth and could remember the flavour of your favourite sorbet. “Smooth and creamy, with the possibility that the flavour overtakes you every time the spoon hits your tongue and bucks you till you can no longer walk.”

“It can’t be that good.” Twilight mumbled back and fluttered her wings lightly, shifting around in her desk chair where she sat and conversed/argued with you.

“Oh!” You grin wide and with mischievous intent hidden in your eyes. “Is that a challenge?”

“You know what?” Twilight spun herself out of her chair and landed on all four. She approached you and reared up to plant both forehooves on your thighs to get closer to eye level. Still, she only came up to your stomach, so the effect was basically lost. “Fine. I’ll challenge you that you can’t make a sorbet that’s as good as you say it is!” You grin in reply, the mischief in your eyes now blaring to the world.

“I accept! I’ll make you a sorbet that’s so good, you’ll have to admit, to everypony, that sorbet is the greatest thing in this world since the sun first rose!” You stand up straight, fists on your hips even as Twilight smirked and hopped down to start leading you towards the castle kitchen.

“Fine, but if you fail to do that, if I’m even a little bit unconvinced that it’s the greatest thing in the world,” Twilight paused her speech as well as her walk as she considered something. “Then you have to be my personal assistant for the week that Spike’s in Canterlot!”

“Fine, but if I win, then you have to be my personal assistant while Spike’s away in Canterlot!” You barked back and continued after the purple princess once she’d resumed her trot.

“Agreed!” Twilight nodded affirmatively and rounded under the archway that lead into the large kitchen. Honestly, for just the four of you living here, this castle was overwhelmingly understaffed and the size of the kitchen showed just as much.

“You two sound like you’ve begun some sort of challenge.” Starlight smirked as she stepped out of the walk-in fridge to your left with something held in her magic. Looked like a pizza crust, which meant that she was planning on making another vegan pizza.

You sigh, missing the taste of steak meat or even pepperoni and salami on pizza. Starlight’s vegan diet was certainly playing havoc with your own health and on more than one occasion you’d have to excuse yourself during dinner to sneak away and visit Fluttershy for a fish.

“We have. Anon thinks that this sorbet thing from Earth is the greatest thing since sliced bread.” Twilight explained and hopped up onto a bar stool on the opposite side of the kitchen island counter that Starlight had spread her various ingredients out on. Tofu and rutabaga again? She’s gonna be the death of you!

“Never heard of it.” Starlight shrugged once with an accompanying head shake and you sigh. You guess you had another pony to convince now.

“Whatever, fine.” you throw your hands up and get to work by pulling out a large pot to start with. “Prepare to lose all casual reading privileges for a week, princess!” you grin, knowing just how to toy with the mare.

“I think it’ll be you who’ll find out just what it’s like to actually pick up a book for once!” Twilight retorted, planting her hooves on the countertop only slightly angry.

You pull out measuring cups for both the dry and wet ingredients and measure out proper portions, then begin mixing the basic mixture of water, sugar and salt together to get everything to dissolve on low heat.

You dive into the much smaller fridge nearby, the one that held all the smaller supplies of foodstuffs and browse through the multiple options for fruit juice.

“What flavour would you prefer, Twinkle Hooves?” you call out and pull a pitcher of a Citric mixture that you yourself had blended together for your own batch.

“Whatever you think will make my hind legs quiver with angst.” Twilight rolled her eyes and grinned at me. Starlight merely stared at us with a wide eyes for a moment before returning to firing the pizza oven nearby, muttering about our blatant conversation topics.

“Any objections to citrus?” I asked and set the pitcher down on the counter next to the fridge to go back digging. Twilight hummed “no” and you pulled out, shutting the fridge door to start measuring out a couple cups for the pot.

You also pour a small glass of juice for yourself, simply out of thirst and simultaneously pour the orange fluids into the pot while taking a sip. Mmm, Pineapple. Your collection of pineapples in the walk-in fridge had been single-handedly procured from across the borders, the import fees of the fruits costing almost twice as much as the fruits themselves, but it was worth it.

Whisking the mixture together, you transferred the concoction into a 4 litre-sized plastic bowl, covered it, and stuck it in the fridge to cool. Starting over, you begin work on a very simple strawberry version and store that one away next to the first. Humming a tune of your own while you work, you also create a blueberry one, an orange creamsicle one, and a grapefruit variant, all stuck into the fridge and stacked on top of each other to chill for the next couple hours.

“So?” Twilight watched you place the final bowl into the fridge expectantly. “Is that it?”

“Not even close, Sparkle. The mixtures have to chill for a couple hours and I need to find five different gelato makers to make it all or we’ll be waiting till tomorrow to actually try them all.” you explain and shut the fridge door with your left buttcheek. You rest on the counter across from Twilight and let the conversation die while you both watch Starlight work on her own thing.

“I’m good here if you wanna go talk to Pinkie, see if she can provide you your hardware.” Starlight suggested, essentially shooing us out of the kitchen to get back to work.

“Fine, be that way.” You huff sarcastically (and not without a sense of mocking Rarity) and without a hint of remorse or injury to your feels. “I didn’t want to spend time with you anyways.” you add haughtily and stroll defiantly out into the hallway. Before either mare can protest, especially Twilight since she’s asked you numerous times not to do so, you fire up a couple of simple spells in your palms (the only spell aside from mild telekinesis you actually know and can use) and use the little jet engines to take off down the hallway towards the lobby.

“No jet spells indoors, you know that!” you heard Twilight boom with her own version of a Royal Voice. You manage to get around the hallway corner cackling and burst out a nearby window and pull upwards into the sky before she could further hunt you down and ground you again.

Searching the location, you take in the familiar sight of Ponyville’s modest skyline from above the rooftops. If Canterlot’s skyline was a voluptuous young woman in the prime of her womanhood, Ponyville’s was more like an 11-year old girl. Flat and unappealing.

Your eyes settle on the out-of-place gingerbread house that is Sugar Cube Corner and aim your head in that direction. Your body follows the head and you fire off across the sky towards your destination with hope in your heart and an eager child in your mind at the thought of having your own personal princess assistant for a week.

You come down in a gentle landing, the sound of your spells alerting everything within a block of your arrival and already you receive warm smiles from the ponies around you. You give a couple back, even a hand lifted in a wave for a couple, and step into the building and trigger the small silver bell over the door.

“Heya!” Pinkie appeared at the counter, rising up from whatever task she was performing behind the display trays to greet her newcomer. “Oh! Anon! Great to see you again! How long has it been?”

The way that she said that suggested that she herself hadn’t seen you in forever, yet you knew better. “We met up and hung out just last night, Pinkie.” you reminder her casually and step up to the countertop. “I actually need a huge favour from you.”

“Really?” Pinkie’s eyes went remarkably, impossibly wide at the notion that you needed her help for something. “Anything!”

“I need five separate gelato makers in two hours.” You grin in reply as Pinkie’s eyes grow unbelievably even wider and she pulls in a sharp breath.

“Oooh! Are you making gelato?” she demands eagerly. You may not be the greatest baker or confectioner, but you still have had a few great moments where you could make something new, something great that would startle the masses.

“No, I'm making something different. Something that Twilight doesn’t believe is as great as I say it is.” you reply and step back from the counter to let an actual customer have a turn. Pinkie split her attention equally between the pony and you, something that only she could really do.

“Absolutely! I’ll have them delivered to the castle as soon as I’m able to!” Pinkie nodded to you before turning back to the customer to deal out a couple cupcakes and a baggie of cookies.

“Thanks Pinkie, you’re a real life-saver!” you stand and leave the building with a wave. Now, all you have to do is wait.

~~~

“Okay, let’s get this over with then.” Twilight sighed in mock disappointment as you pulled the tubs of finished sorbet out of the freezer four hours later. Pinkie, as promised, delivered the five large gelato makers and was present while you had poured the chilled concoctions into the mixer bowls eager to learn about this new sensation that was sweeping… well… just you for the time being.

All in all, you had made about four litres of each batch and had stored them in old ice cream buckets for another hour of chilling. Now, there were seven waiting mares sat across the island counter from you with five different buckets sitting between us and eight bowls sitting empty.

“What flavour would you all like?” You ask courteously, first turning to your marefriend who sat at the end of the table next to the last empty chair where you would eventually find yourself.

“I’ll try your citrus one.” Rainbow requested and watched as you dragged with ice cream scoop through the bucket to dish her out a couple balls of sorbet. You added in a spoon and handed it to Dash before dunking the scoop under some running water and turned to Rarity who eyed the blueberry and strawberry options over.

Clearly she couldn’t decide, but you’re a nice person. You instead scoop out a couple of both and set them into the dish with a spoon and hand that to Rarity.

“Why thank you, Anon.” Rarity smiled warmly and looked down at the treat patiently, as did Rainbow who was sniffing it and had raised an eyebrow with interest. Good signs, good signs!

“Ah’ll give the… grapefruit one a go, Ah guess.” Applejack requested and you obliged her by serving her a bowl with accompanying spoon.

“Just give me what you think is the best one.” Twilight shrugged and lightly shook her head, so confident, so sure of herself. You immediately went for the Orange creamsicle and dolled her up a bowl of the heaven on Equestria. Fluttershy went for a bowl of blueberry and a single scoop of all five for Pinkie and Starlight went for Strawberry.

You dished yourself out a combination of Citrus and Creamsicle then stored the rest away in the freezer for later. Rounding past the counter, you take a seat at the end next to Dash and give the go ahead.

All the mares take to their treats in various forms, whether it’s a dainty little taste from Rarity, to nearly inhaling the entire thing, bowl and all, from Pinkie. You too take to your treat and scoop out a spoonful and plop it upside down onto your tongue to just savour the sweet, yet tangy flavour and the smooth and creamy texture. It's just as spectacular as you remember.

You notice that Rainbow has already torn through her helping and was looking to be on the verge of requesting more. Rarity looked to be having a moment to herself in utter, silent bliss but at least controlled herself. Applejack just stared down at her desert with wide-eyed fascination every time she lifted her spoon up with a hoof.

“I can’t believe how amazing this is! This is soooooo amazing!” Pinkie announced, hopping up and down on the spot while Starlight seemed to be literally weeping tears of joy. My eyes fell on Twilight who merely ate in silence, as did Fluttershy who seemed to have been the most composed mare of the bunch.

“Thoughts?” You tilt your head forward and crane your neck to watch Twilight in silence, grinning as you can just see the gears turning in her head about how she could play this off.

“It’s…” She began, slowly and carefully. As though she was dancing around with a loaded double-barrelled 12-gauge. “It’s… fine.” Your face drops suddenly and the spoon hanging from your fingers drops to the counter with a clatter. “It’s not that great.”

“Horse apples!” Applejack protested on everyone else’s behalf. “This here dessert has got to be the best darned thing I’ve eaten since my mama’s apple pie!” she exclaimed and earned agreements from the other mares in the room. You sigh and shrink back down in your seat, turning back to your own portion in defeat to prepare yourself for a week of servitude.

“She’s right, this is absolutely astounding! It doesn’t have any of the heavy weight to it that ice cream or gelato does, yet it remains just as sweet and creamy as though it were! The flavour smacks you right in the muzzle every time you take a bite!” Rarity chimed in, at least giving you some semblance of hope.

“Hey, if she doesn’t want hers, I’ll have it.” Rainbow grinned and began to reach across the counter with her wing, however Applejack smacked her down with a hoof.

“I don’t deny that it’s good, certainly it’s an interesting take on a frozen dessert, but it’s just... Not what Anon had made it out to be.” Twilight explained, choosing her words carefully, you could just tell. She wouldn’t admit it, certainly never in public or around you, but you could tell that she was just as in love with the sorbet before her as the others were. She turned and leaned forward over the counter with an empty bowl while you continued to pick and prod at yours. “Sorry Anon, but it seems that you’ve lost this one.”

“Yup.” You mumble back and give the bowl a slight smack to the side to pass if off to Rainbow. She took to it like a fly to honey and soon the bowl was licked clean. You instead stood from the stool and turned from the counter, all eyes on you with sympathy.

Remaining the ever nice Anon, you stand before Twilight and offer a congratulating handshake. “Congrats, it seems you’ve bested me.” you announce. Twilight grins but remains a good sport and puts her hoof in your hand to give a shake in return.

“Make sure you’re awake bright and early Monday morning to begin your new duties.” Twilight nodded back and you took that as an excuse to depart the room.

“You can all dish yourselves out more from the freezer, if you’d like. Just save me some Citrus.” you request and turn the corner, stuffing your hands in your pockets for a walk of shame back to your room. Might as well call it a night.

~~~

One withdraw of having your room so close to the kitchen is that you can always hear when someone is up and rummaging around for a late night snack. Typically you’d expect it to be Starlight or Twilight on a hard night of studying, or Spike who’s woken up for a glass of water, or even Rainbow whenever she was sleeping over and had gotten up for a late night bite.

Considering that last night was not one of Twilight’s or Starlight’s scheduled all-nighters, it likely wasn’t one of them. Since Rainbow was still in bed next to you, softly snoring to herself clutching a pillow to her body in lieu of you, it wasn’t her, so that meant Spike was up.

Figuring you’d do the same and get yourself a glass of water, you roll out of bed as quietly as you can and push your feet into a pair of custom slippers and wrap yourself in your housecoat. Leaving the room as quietly as you’d shut the door behind you, you quietly crept up to the kitchen, being unintentionally completely silent with your walking. As you figured, a few lights were on and the shadow on the ceiling of a body moving around told of Spike probably already drinking.

The sounds of mumbling, incoherent crying, and the unmistakable sound of stuffing one’s face was a new one, however. This wasn’t Spike. Spike didn’t eat at night since he knew he’d be up for hours trying to digest everything. You creep up to the wall and peek into the room to find everything as it should be, save for the freezer door open and a bucket of sorbet was most definitely missing.

You grin, putting two and two together and silently slip into the room. You take a seat on the middlemost stood of the counter where the girls had all been sat some hours prior, and just listened to the sound of Twilight gorging herself on the wonders that were Sorbet. If you had a recording device, you could have recorded this and would likely have fallen asleep to it for weeks to come. It’d also make for great blackmail material.

You lean forward, resting on your arms to keep the stone of the counter from cutting into your chest and peer over the edge to find Twilight on her back, wings spread and rear legs twitching as she licked sorbet off her forehooves.

You grin to yourself and quietly adjust so that you’re resting your chin on your laced fingers, your elbows posting on the countertop rather uncomfortably and you settle down and just watch the wonders of your victory unfold before you.

After a minute of Twilight’s obscenity, you give a small cough and her ears twitch.

“Oh...” Twilight groans to herself, now noticing you watching her. “Horseapples.”

Author's Note

Just something I happened to come up with after making my own batch for Tropical Sorbet... Thought it'd be funny, maybe give people something quick to read.

Might do a second chapter where Celestia and Luna explore the world of Sorbet... Dunno... Kinda wanna see how this is received first.