The shipping war

by Gowak

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6
Length: 1660

Who'd make the best marefriend for Twilight? What started as an innocent question between some friends is about to get out off hoof. A typical night in Ponyville.

A typical, calm night in Ponyville... how long will it survive a magazine-induced shipping frenzy? Probably not more than ten minutes.

Art by Fehlung

Published 2017-03-12 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-12 20:20:01 UTC

Have you seen the Rarilight?

The night market of Ponyville was one of Applejack's favourite events. First and foremost because it meant that she'd make a significant revenue but also because rarely anything noteworthy happened at night - Since Twilight arrival and the beginning of all that Element of Harmony business she had had to take it into account into her sales. Plus it helped that Ponyville was usually such a beautiful town, especially at night, enlightened by Luna's moon and stars and magical light orbs.

At least, it was usually the case. Right now the only thing the farmer could see was a blinding, purple light.

"Have you seen the Rarilight?" said a voice from beyond the purpe glow.

"Huh?" Applejack tried, squinting her eyes to fight the purple illumination and desperately waving her hoof in front of her in search for the source of the aggression.

"Have you seen the Rarilight?" repeated the voice. It was definitely a familiar voice. NOT many ponyvillians had such an accent and intonation.

Rarity? What in tarnation...

"I think you just blinded me with it Sugarcube..."

At last, the farmer put her hoof on the warm magical lantern. She lowered it slowly, revealing the fashionista, wearing an elegant if a bit impractical considering the occasion, purple dress.

"Oh... Applejack..." she realised, giggling nervously. "Sorry about that. I got a little carried away and I did not recognise you."

"No harms done, Sugarcube, but what is..."

"I'd love to stay and chat," the unicorn interrupted, looking more nervous by the second, "but I'm awfully busy. See you later, darling."

"Uh... okay?"

"Have you seen the Rarilight?" she screamed at a nearby stallion, blinding him in the same fashion.

Applejack scratched her head in wonder. There was obviously something strange going on here, but on the other hoof, Rarity could be a bit strange at times. There was no need to interrupt her little business so soon, she elected. She'd just mention it to Twilight and see what would happen. Yep. Problem solved. As an apple in a bushel.

Applejack left her daydream as she saw Twilight drinking tea in front of her stand. The princess was watching her with a curious look.

"Howdy Twilight!" she greeted. "Enjoying the market, I see."

"Hello Applejack," she said warmly. "It's been a while since I didn't take a walk outside of the castle. It nice to savour the Ponivillian evening."

"You ran out of books again, innit?" she teased her.

"That may have been a factor..." the princess answered, blushing slightly. "But I admit I genuinely wanted to enjoy this night."

"I know what you mean." The pegasi had planned for a clear sky tonight and Luna had been particularly creative with the night sky these past few weeks. This and the agreeable wind of early fall made such nocturnal events even nicer. Maybe she could just call it a night and hang out with her friends...

"By the way, have you seen Rarity today?" Applejack asked, suddenly remebering her previous altercation. "Cause she's been acting weird."

"Let me guess, she asked you about the Rarilight?"

"Yeah!"

So Twilight knew about it and didn't seem worried. It was probably nothing... But it didn't hurt to ask.

"What's this about, Sugarcube?"

"This is just silly," Twilight giggled. "It all started when the girls met me at the castle..."

~

It was another quiet day for Twilight. One when her planning permitted her to rest and spend time in activities most other ponies would consider work and/or mental abuse. The latter had been thoroughly and enthusiastically done so she enjoyed a little quiet time with some coffee and the last book of the latest shipment from the Crystal Empire.

Of course, it was not to last.

The door slammed open, revealing four mares in a heated debate, followed by a floating sofa. Twilight sighed silently and closed her book. Her horn lit up as she teleported four tea cups from the cupboard in the kitchen. A few spells later, she had some of the hot beverage ready and was pouring some tea for each of her guests. Without sugar for Rarity, one sugar cube for Fluttershy, two for Rainbow Dash and four and a biscuit for Pinkie Pie.

"Hello girls," she greeted, giving them their respective cup.

"Darling this is positively dreadful!" Rarity declared dramatically before mock-fainting dramatically on her sofa and catching the tea cup in her own magic. "Have you seen the last Mare Eclair?"

"I can't say that I have..."

The last edition of the magazine flew from the white unicorn prostrated form to Twilight's face.

"It's on page-" the fashionista started.

"Fifty-two," interrupted Rainbow Dash.

"The boxy thing on the upper right corner," added Pinkie.

"She circled her answer..." Fluttershy indicated.

Twilight raised an eyebrow and lowered the journal, to see Rarity look daggers at her friends. She decided she'd rather watch the magazine.

Following the direction of her friends, she finally found a three questions personality test. Twilight rapidly checked the answer and the result associated with them.

"Your lifestyle and whatever... you'd are prone to yadda yadda... not fit to mingle with royalty save maybe Prince Blueblood."

Oh, Twilight thought. I can see why it would upset her. Still...

"Rarity, the accuracy of such..."

"Prince Blue Blood, for Princesses' Sake! And am I not friend with all four princesses? Do I not mingle with the creme de la creme of the nobility of Canterlot? How could they do that to me?"

"Well Rare, we all know that you're a great friend. But maybe a Princess need a bit more excitement than a few dresses," sid Rainbow jokingly.

"What are you implying?"

"Don't get me wrong you're a great friend, but maybe you're just not princess's girlfriend material?"

"How dare you?" said Rarity genuinely offended.

"Hum..." Fluttershy intervened "maybe, what Rainbow was trying to say..."

"Maybe you're so good at being a marefriend that you're totally off the chart! Maybe you're directly wife material!"

"Hehe... yeah that must be it," the cyan pegasus smirked.

"Rainbow..." the white unicorn growled menacingly.

"Don't get me wrong Rare. You're kinda awesome. But not fastest-flyer-of-Equestria awesome."

"And what about being fast makes you a superior marefriend?"

"I might point out some uses, but the author has decided this joke would not fit the story..." the pink baker said matter-of-factly. They all ignore the strange statement, dismissing it as 'Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie'.

"Well let's suppose my Princess marefriend is in danger, like Twilight last week, well with my awesome speed, I would be able to help her in a flash!"

"Humpf! Might I remind you that it was my ingeniosity that helped us escape the golems? Besides, there's more to a princess's life than fighting for her life."

"Now that you mention it I seem to do it way more often than the average princess..."

"See? There are much more facets to royalty than that. Like for instance..."

"Parties!"

"What? No!" Rarity exclaimed.

"You didn't like my 'Glad everypony is alive and well again' party?" Pinkie said, turning her heart-melting sad puppy eyes toward Twilight.

"Of course I did Pinkie! It was very fun but..."

"See! Parties!"

"Hum... Maybe Twilight would want a calmer life?"

"Definitely..." Twilight muttered, looking longingly at her book.

"You all know I would be a perfect marefriend for Twilight!"

Silence. It grew thick and awkward as everypony realised what had been said.

"Huh..." Twilight tried, not sure of what she could even say to that.

"Hum... Rarity?" muttered Fluttershy.

"Hum sorry... I think I may have gone a little bit overboard..."

"Yeah. I mean, you'd be a great marefriend, but you can't compete. I'd be the perfect marefriend for Twilight!"

"Rainbow?" Twilight let out, surprised at the turn the discussion was taking.

"No! I'd be Twilight perfect marefriend!" Pinkie Pie shouted joyfully.

"Pinkie?"

"What? It looks fun!"

"Hum... maybe Twilight might prefer somepony quieter..."

"Not you too Fluttershy!"

"Oh, this. is. ON!"

~

The rest of the story was predictable. Rarity would never back down after from such an obvious attack on her charm, Rainbow didn't even know what giving up meant, Pinkie would keep at it because it was fun and Fluttershy... Applejack wasn't sure of what had gone through the shy pegasus' head...

"Why don't you do anything?"

"What do you want me to do? I can't stop all of them at once! Besides, they're not harming anypony..." A party canon boomed in the distance. "Much."

"But..."

"And I admit, it's somehow nice to see them fight to see who would be the most suited to date me..." she said softly. So softly Applejack could doubt she even said it.

But the earth mare had to admit, even she wanted to know. At least a little bit. After all, there was no reason she'd be a bad marefriend. And Twilight was a pretty nice mare inside and out. The farmer started to blush. She shook her head, trying to get rid of those thoughts but her resolve slowly melted away when Rainbow started to race people in the street to make them admit 'TwiDash was the most awesome thing ever'.

"I'm going to fetch my rope."

"To stop them?" Twilight asked, half-joking.

Applejack blushed again, but didn't answer and ran to her barn instead.

In the distance, Pinkie Pie was blasting ponies with confetti while Harry the bear pursued passersby while being himself chased by a panicked Fluttershy. Further still, Rainbow Dash and Rarity were arguing about whether they could convince the same pony that their relationship was more probable than other combinations.

Maybe having five awesome marefriends wouldn't be that bad Twilight thought.

She shook her head as if to chase the idea out of her brain. It would be ludicrous.

Wouldn't it?

Author's Note

I was bored, I had an idea and well... here's the result.
As for the nonsense, blame Cadance, or something.